A1r

She Ventures,
And
He Wins.


A Comedy,
Acted at the
New Theatre,

In
Little Lincoln’s-Inn Fields,
By His Majesty’s Servants.

Writen by a Young Lady.

London.
Printed for Hen. Rhodes, at the Corner of Bride-Lane,
in Fleet-street; J. Harris, at the Harrow in the Poultry;
and Sam. Briscoe, at the Corner of Charles-street, in
Russell-street, near Covent-Garden, 16961696.

☞A New Comedy, call’d, The Mock-Marriage. Written by Mr. Scot.
A1v
A2r

The
Preface.

I dare not venture to send this Play bare-fac’d
into the World, without saying something in
its Defence: I am very sensible of the many
nice Judgments I expose my self to, who may justly
find an infinite Number of Faults in it, which, I
profess ingenuously, I am not able to mend; for,
indeed, I am altogether unacquainted with the Stage
and those Dramatick Rules, which others have with
so much Art and Success observed. It was the
first I ever made Publick by appearing on the Stage,
which, (with the Advantage it met with, of admirable
Acting) is all the Recommendations I have for
exposing it, in its own naked Simplicity, without any
Ornaments of Language or Wit; therefore, I believe,
the best Apology I can make for my Self and
Play, is, that ’tis the Error of a weak Woman’s Pen,
one altogether unlearn’d, ignorant of any, but her
Mother-Tongue, and very far from being a perfect
Mistress of that too; and confess I have but just Wit
enough to discern I want it infinitely; yet these ReasonsA2 sons A2v
which should have dissuaded me, could not conquer
the Inclinations I had for Scribling from my
Childhood. And when our Island enjoyed the Blessing
of the Incomparable Mrs Behn, even then I had
much ado to keep my Muse from shewing her Impertinence;
but since her death, has claim’d a kind of
Privilege; and, in spite of me; broke from her
Confinement.

The Plot was taken from a small Novel; which, I
must needs own, had Design and Scope enough to
have made an excellent Play, had it met with the
good Fortune to have fall’n into better Hands; but,
as it is, I venture to send it abroad, where, if it finds
but a favourable Reception from my own Sex, and
some little Incouragement from the other, I will
study in my next to deserve it: Which then, perhaps,
may make me ambitious enough to be known; but,
in the mean time, I humbly beg the Favour to borrow
the Name of

Ariadne.

Pro-
A3r

Prologue.
Spoken by Mrs. Bowman, in
Man’s Cloaths.

This is a Woman’s Treat y’are like to find;

Ladies, for Pity; Men, for Love be kind;

Else here I come, her Champion, to oppose

The two broad-sides of dreadful Wits and Beaux:

’Tis odds indeed; but if my Sword won’t do,

I can produce another Weapon too.――

But to my Task,―― Our Author hopes indeed,

You will not think, though charming Aphra’s dead,

All Wit with her, and with Orinda’s fled.

We promis’d boldly we wou’d do her Right,

Not like the other House, who, out of spite,

Trump’d up a Play upon us in a Night.

And it was scarcely thought on at the most,

But Hey-Boys, Presto! conjur’d on the Post.

These Champions bragg’d they first appear’d in Field,

Then bid us tamely article and yield;

So did the French, and thought themselves secure;

But, to their cost, have fairly lost Namur.

And so much, Gentlemen, by way of Satyr,

Now I am come t’examine your good Nature:

Since ’tis a Lady hopes to please to Night,

I’m sure you Beau’s will do the Ladies Right.

Clap ev’ry Scene; and do your selves the honour,

Loudly to boast the Favours you have done her.

So may the Play-House, Park, and Mall befriend you,

And no more Temple-Garden Broils attend you.

Epi- A3v

Epilogue,
Spoken by Mr. Dogget, drest as a Beau.
Written by Mr. Motteux.

Our Poetess is troubled in her Mind,

Like some young Thing, not so discreet as kind,

Who, Without Terms, has her dear Toy resign’d.

You all are wild to bring her to the touch;

You beg, you press, you swear, and promise much;

’Twere well if your performances were such.

Our Authress now is in, at your Devotion,

Tho’ she, perhaps to please you, want the Notion,

Be gen’rous once, she’ll quickly mend her Motion.

For, pray take notice, ’tis her Maidenhead,

(that of her Brain I mean) and you that wed

Feel seldom easie Joys, till that is fled.

If you are kind, she’s willing to go on;

But if you turn her off, the Nymph turns Nun;

And what a scandal wou’d be to the Nation,

Shou’d some for want of Trade leave their Vocation;

And, among Friars pray for Occupation?

I’m much afraid a Woman’s like a Play,

You’d have ’em new and pretty ev’ry Day,

Or, else, your Servant; ’Gad I cannot stay.

’Tis true, you wait a while in expectation

(When up the Curtain flies) of Recreation;

But you all go, when ere the Play is done;

Then down the Curtain drops, and whip you’re gone,

And thence to tell ungrateful Truths you run.

Be kinder; let our unknown Fair appease ye,

Tho’ you mislike her Play, her Face may please ye:

She A4r

She hides it now, yet she mislikes the Task,

But knows how much you love a Visard Mask.

Yet sure she must be safe among You here;

We Beaux can ne’re be Criticks on the Fair:

As for you, Judges, if I rightly know ye,

You shou’d think that ungrateful Task below ye.

Ye Braves, that made your Campaign at the Wells,

Storming the Breach of some Fair Citadels,

If kind, may chance to find out where she dwells.

Ladies, for your own sakes you must be kind;

Lest, while we scarce one writing Beauty find,

Vain Man deny your Sex the Graces of the Mind.

Take you her part, the Men of course submit,

And so your Beauty shall secure her Wit.

Let all these Reasons kindly draw you in,

And safely then She Ventures, and we Win.

Dra-
A4v

Dramatis Personæ.

Men.

Sir Charles Frankford, Brother to Charlot, in Love with
Juliana.
Mr. Boman.

Sir Roger Marwood, Friend to Sir Charles. Mr. Scudamore.

Lovewell, a younger Brother of small-Fortune, married
to Charlot.
Mr. Hudson.

Freeman, a Vintner, Husband to
Urania.
Mr. Freeman.

Squire Wouldbe, a proud, pragmatical Coxcomb of poor
extraction, Husband to
Dowdy.
Mr. Doget.

Women.

Charlot, a Rich Heiress. Mrs. Bracegirdle.

Juliana her Cousin, in Love with Sir ChCharles. Frankford. Mrs. Boman.

Bellasira, in love with Sir RogRoger. Marwood. Mrs. Martyn.

Urania, Wife to Freeman. Mrs. Barry.

Dowdy, wife to Squire Wouldbe, pretending to rule her
Husband, yet always jealous and uneasie
.
Mrs. Bowtel.

Mrs. Beldam, her Mother, a Pawn-broker. Mrs. Lee.

Doll, Urania’s Maid. Mrs. Lawson.

Servants.

Waiters.

Chairmen.

Bayliffs.

Turnkey, &c.

B1r 1

She Venters, and He
Wins, &c.

Act I.

Scene I.

Enter Charlot and Juliana in Mens Cloaths.

Jul.

Faith, Charlot, the Breeches become you so well ’tis almost pity you
should ever part with ’em.

Char.

Nor will I, till I can find one can make better use of them to
bestow ’em on, and then I’ll resign my Title to ’em for ever.

Jul.

’Tis well if you find it so easie, for a Woman once vested in Authority,
tho’ ’tis by no other than her own making, does not willingly part
with it: But, prithee Child, what is thy Design? for I am yet to learn.

Char.

Why, to ramble the Town till I can meet with the Man I can find in
my heart to take for better for worse. These Cloaths will give us greater Liberty
than the scandalous World will allow to our Petticoats, which we could
not attempt this Undertaking in without hazard to our Modesty. Besides,
should I meet with the Man whose outside pleases me, ’twill be impossible by
any other means to discover his Humour; for they are so used to flatter and
deceive our Sex, that there’s nothing but the Angel appears, tho’ the Devil lies
lurking within, and never so much as shews his Paw till he has got his Prey
fast in his Clutches.

Jul.

Methinks you that have so true a Notion of that treacherous Sex,
should be afraid to venter for fear of being your self deceived.

B Char. B1v 2

Char.

No, my dear Julia, to avoid it is the scope of my Design; for, tho’
by Laziness and Ease the generality of Mankind is degenerated into a soft Effeminacy,
unworthy of the noble Stamp was set upon their Soul, there still remains
a Race retains the Image Heaven made them in, Vertuous, and Just, Sincere
and Brave: And such a one I’ll find, if I search to the Antipodes for him,
or else lead Apes in Hell.

Jul.

But, Dear Child, will not every one think you stark mad for a Husband,
to take this extravagant course for one?

Char.

No sure; none can think one of my Youth and Fortune can
want the Tenders of Hearts enough; I’m not obliged to follow the World’s
dull Maxims, nor will I wait for the formal Address of some Ceremonious
Coxcomb, with more Land than Brains, who would bargain for us as he would
for his Horse, and talks of nothing but Taxes and hard Times, to make me
a good Housewife; or else some gay young fluttering Thing, who calls himself
a Beau, and wants my Fortune to maintain him in that Character:
Such an opinionated Animal, who believes there needs no more to reach a
Ladies Heart than a boon mien, fine Dress, the Perriwig well adjusted, the
Hand well managed in taking Snuff, to shew the fine Diamond-Ring, if he’s
worth one; sometimes a conceited Laugh, with the Mouth stretch’d from one
Ear to t’other, to discover the white Teeth, with sneak and cringe in an affected
Tone, cries Damn me, Madam, if you are not the prettiest Creature my Eyes
ere saw! ’Tis impossible for me to live if you are so cruel to deny me; with
a world of such foolish stuff, which they talk all by rote; no, my Julia, I’ll
have one who loves my Person as well as Gold, and please my self, not the
World, in my choice.

Jul.

Is there’s any such thing as real Love in that false Sex, none sure is so
capable to inspire it, as the charming Charlot, your Person is indeed infinitely
taking, your Humour gay, and Wit refined, and Beauty enough to tempt
a Hermit; yet, after all, you’ll find it a difficult business to distinguish, which
the most zealous Adorations are paid to, your Beauty, or Gold.

Char.

I warrant thee, Child, I’ll take Care of that: But come, to our Affairs
in hand.

Jul.

Where’s your Brother?

Char.

He’s safe enough, he dined to Day at Sir Roger Marwood’s, where, ’tis
twenty to one, he’ll be ingaged the Evening.

Jul.

Suppose he should meet us in our Rambles, he’d certainly know
us.

Char.

You’re so full of your Suppositions; suppose he should, which there’s
no great danger of, but at the Play House, where we’ll first stear our Course;
he’s too discreet to discover us, and too good humour’d to be angry, but
will think it one of my mad Frolicks, without other Design, but a little Diversion.
But I know from whence your Fear proceeds; which, if you put
any more Scruples into my Head, I’ll discover; therefore look to your good
Behaviour.

Jul. B2r 3

Jul.

sighs.

I confess you have me at an Advantage, but that has now no part
in my design, to serve you with that little Wit I have; there’s a Coach waits
us at the Garden Gate.

Char.

Allons, my Dear; now Love be propitious.

Ex. Char.Charlot and JulJuliana.

Scene II.

Enter Freeman, and Urania with a Letter in her Hand.

Uran.

Nay, prithee Freeman, be not in such a Rage at a thing so contemptibly
ugly, that is not worth raising the Passion of a Man; you must trust to
my Honesty after all you can do, and, if I design’d you foul play, I would not
acquaint you thus freely, as I do, with all the Coxcomb’s proceedings: Pray
leave him to my management, and for once trust a Woman’s Revenge; I’ll
warrant you I’ll handle him so as shall give you more pleasant Satisfaction
than any you can propose; nothing so sharpens our Sexe’s Invention, as Revenge,
the darling Delight of our Nature; and, if I do not pursue mine
home, may the Curse of being thought dishonest, without knowing the pleasure
of it, fall upon me.

Freem.

Urania, I do dnot suspect you of any Design to abuse me, but, as I believe
you honest, I would have the World do so too. Besides, there is no Fort
so impregnable, that may not one time or other, with long Assaults of Stratagem,
be taken: But I will have Patience, and see the result of your Designs;
and, if they do not satisfie me very well, will then take my own Measures
with him.

Uran.

Agreed, with all my Heart, here is the Letter I just now received
from him, and likewise my Answer.

Gives him two several
Billets.
Freem. reads. “‘Dear Mrs. Honysuckle,
I don’t know what a Devil you have done to me, but I can neither eat, drink, or
sleep, for thinking of those dear, damn’d Eyes, that have set my Heart on fire; let me
know when that troublesome Property, your Husband, is out of the way, and I will fly
to assure you, I am your devoted Slave,
S. Wouldbe.’”
B2 Freem. B2v 4

Freem.

Familiar, sawcy Fool, I know his Impudence so well, I do not wonder
at him: But now for yours.


Reads. “‘’Tis impossible to gain any opportunity by my Husband’s being abroad, because
then I am confined to the Barn; but, if you dare, for my sake, metamorphise your
Breeches into Petticoats, but avoiding the seeing of my Husband, and you may pass
with all the security possible: To night, in Play-time, will be very convenient, it being
a new one, we shall in all likelihood be empty of Company; so that you may have the
opportunity, if you desire it, of being alone, with your obliged humble Servant.’”

Freem.

What mean you by this, Urania? Sure you mistook when you gave
me this Letter? What is your Design? The Devil take me if I can imagine.

Looks surly.

Uran.

Why, first to draw the Woodcock into the Net, and then to use him
as I think fit. Pray relie on me, and be not so suspicious, for, if you are,
you unravel my whole Design.

Freem.

I can scarce confine my Anger to a Jest; but, for once, I trust you,
But if you play me false, and make me thus the Property, as he calls me, of my
own Disgrace, look to’t, by Heaven I’ll murder thee.

Uran.

Your Threats no way terrifie me, having no Designs that will give
you any cause of Displeasure: I’ll dispatch away a Messenger to my Gallant,
and, in the mean time, give you your Instructions, for you must be assistant
to me.

Freem.

Well, go in, I’ll follow you immediately.

Ex. Urania. Freeman Solus.

I never had the least reason to distrust her Honesty, tho’ I’m not perfectly
satisfied with this Letter of hers; but I’ll watch her narrowly, and it shall scape
me hard if she deceive me.

Exit. Freem. Scene
B3r 5

Scene III.

St. James’s Park. Enter Lovewell crossing the Stage; Charlot and Juliana following
him in Mens Cloaths.

Char.

Thus far we have kept sight of him, see we don’t loose him now.

Jul.

No, he’s turning again this way.

Charl.

Well, if I like his Humour and Sense as well as his Person, my
search is at an end; for this is my Man, I believe he’ll make an excellent
Frugal Husband, he has led us a sweet Jaunt; I am very weary, but must
not complain. O, here he comes again, I’ll accost him, and try what Mettle
he’s made of.

Jul.

Why sure thou art not stark mad; s’life he’ll beat us, do you see
how surly he looks.

Char.

No Parlying now; Prepare to second me, whilst I give the Onset.

Jul.

Thou’rt a Mad-Wench, but I’ll not fly from my Colours.

Char.

Well said Girl, now I like thee; but here he is.

Enter Lovewell, as crossing the Stage, Charlot stops him.

Char.

Give a Stranger leave Sir, to disturb your Meditations, which seem
to be as serious, as if you had just received the fatal Nay, and were now
breathing Vengeance against Fortune, Love, and Woman-kind.

All the while she speaks, he surveys her from Head to Foot.

Love.

Indeed, you mistake, young Sir, I was thinking of no such Trifles:
those Fooleries belong to your Years, or at least are only then excusable,
But I believe you’r disposed to be merry, Gentlemen, and at this time I am
very unfit Company for you; the serious Humour I am in, will not agree
with yours.

Jul.

Is it the effects of being crost in some Design, makes you so, or your
natural Temper?

Love.

Neither Sir, but why does it concern you to know.

Char. B3v 6

Char.

Because we would gladly divert it, Sir, would you accept of our
Endeavours towards it, by admitting us into your Company.

Jul.

There’s nothing so pernicious to Health, as the indulging of Melancholy,
and we having a particular interest in yours, must by no means leave
you with so dangerous a Companion.

Love.

A particular Interest in my Health, for what end, Sir?

Char.

Oh, for several: My future Happiness and all my Joy on Earth depends
upon it, had I as many Lives as Argus’s Eyes, I’d hazard ’em all for the
preservation of yours.

Love.

Hey day! whence grows this mighty kindness? I fear Sir, you
are mistaken; I do not remember I ever had the honour to see you before.

Char.

I have evidences enough confirms me, you’re the Man that has cruelly
robb’d a near and dear Relation of mine of her Repose for ever, and except
you restore it her by reciprocal Love, I fear the worst effects of this unhappy
Passion.

Love.

Oh Sir, I find you design to divert your self instead of me.

Love walking off.

Char.

By Honour, Truth, and all that’s Sacred, I’m serious.

CharCharlot. catching hold off him.

Love.

Well Sir, bring me to the Lady, I’m not so cruelly inclined, to let a
pretty Woman languish for any civil Kindness I can do her.

Char.

O Heavens! Julia! if he should be Married! I dare not proceed,
till I know, do you ask him the Question, for I have not Courage.

CharCharlot. aside to Julia.

Jul.

Never fear it, he has not the Slovenly Air of a Married Man, but you
shall soon be satisfied.

Pray Sir, give me leave to ask you an impertinent Question. Are you
Married?

To him.

Love.

Heavens forbid, ’tis the only happiness I can boast.

Char.

Perhaps you may find it a greater than you are aware of, before we
part, if you use it to your advantage.

Jul.

What think you, Sir, of a young Beautiful Lady with a great Fortune,
who loves you well enough to throw her self into your Arms? Could you
find in your Heart think you to refuse her.

Love.

Why Faith, my little Acquaintance, these would all very well agree
with a Man under my circumstances; but pray Gentlemen, unriddle, and
let me know the good Fortune you tantalize me with.

Char.

Well Sir, I will most faithfully discharge my Message, I have as I told you, a Relation that is infinitely dear to me, who is, if the World does not
flatter her, not Unhandsome; Young I’m sure she is, and not Ill-humour’d,
but what supplies all Defects, is a Fortune not despicable, being by the Death
of her Mothers Father, who was a Rich East-India Merchant, possest of 1500l.
a Year, besides a considerable value in Money and Jewels; but what renders
her most worthy of your Affections, is that she passionately loves you, loves you B4r 7
you to Madness, from the first Moment she saw you, and must be ever miserable
to live without you.

Jul.

Alas, it is not possible she can live at all, without a suitable Return to
her Affection, you cannot sure Sir, be cruel to a young Lady.

Love.

Looks surly. Ah poor Lady, it may be so. To Julian.
But you had best Sir, put your Friend upon some other Subject, for we
shall not be Company for each other long, if he proceeds in this; one of
you I presume have been dabling with your Lady’s Mothers Woman,
and wants a convenient Tool to cover shame; you were strangely
ill-advis’d to pick me out, there be Cullies enough to serve your gross
purpose, for whatever Opinion you may have of your moving Rhetorick,
you’ll find it no easie matter to impose upon a Man, who has had
more Experience of the Town than your Years will give you leave to know.
’Tis your Youth indeed that best excuses your Folly, in attempting a Man
you have no reason either from his Character (if you ever heard it) or
that Conversation you have had with him, to think a Fool fit for the use I
find you design me.

Is walking off.

Char.

By Heaven, and all that’s good, you do me wrong: I’m sensible how
hard a matter it would be to impose on you, or did she think you so, I’m
sure would scorn you; may all the Happiness I wish my self, prove endless
Torments, if every Word I have said, be not sincerely true.

CharCharlot. holds him and looks concerned.

Love.

What, I warrant, ’tis some good Pious Alderman’s Wife, that finding
her Husband defective, wants a Drudge to raise an Heir to the the Family, ’tis
indeed the common Game we younger Brothers live by.

Jul.

Sir, does our Habits or Addresses merit no better an Opinion, than
so sordid a Thought of us: Besides, did we not tell you, she is a Rich Young
Heiress, and consequently unmarried.

Love.

Pardon me, Sir, I had forgot that, but there follows a greater
mischief; she’s, I suppose, for Honourable Love: No, I’m for none of
that. If she’l accept of a Civil Kindness or so, I’ll do my best to pleaseherplease her.

Char.

When I have told you Sir, that this Lady whom you please to be so witty
upon, is Sister to Sir Charles Frankford, think if you can hope for any thing
from her, but what Marriage which you so much despise, entitles you to;
if you do not know him, give your self the trouble to enquire after him, and
his Sister Charlot, whom perhaps you may not find so contemptible, as you imagine;
or at least if she does not merit your Love, she may a little more
respect.

Love.

This looks very real, it may be true, and I like an unlucky Dog be
too incredulous.

Aside.

Sir, I most earnestly intreat your Pardon, Sir Charles Frankford I know very
well, and have often heard of his beautiful Sister, but yet you must give
me leave to distrust my own merit, so much as to think she cannot cast
away a Thought, much less her Love on so unworthy an Object of it, as the
unhappy Lovewell.

Char. B4v 8

Char.

You’re as suspicious as an old Lady, that Marries a Young Man, is
of a Handsome Chamber-Maid, (but no more Doubts and Scruples dear Infidel,
but if you resolve to Marry this kind-hearted Lady, make me the
Messenger.

Love.

Well, conduct me to the Lady, we shall make the best Bargain,
I hope you would not have me Marry without seeing her.

Char.

No Sir, be to Morrow Morning exactly at Nine a Clock, at Rosamond’s
Pond
, she’ll meet you there with one Lady more, both mask’d, she
that gives you her Hand, accept with it her Heart and Person, but come
not, if you do not fully resolve to Marry her; consider of it till to Morrow
Morning. Come Cozen, I believe by this time we have tired the Gentleman
of our Company.

Jul.

But, first, let’s know your final Resolution.

Love.

’Tis to meet the Lady however.

Jul.

We may trust to her Charms for the rest.

Char.

Well Sir, adieu; remember Nine.

Love.

Fear not, I’m too much pleas’d with the imagination of my approaching
Happiness to forget it.

Char.

We’ll set you down where you please.

Love.

With all my Heart, I lodge in Leicester-fields.

Char.

That’s in our way, come Sir.

Exeunt Omnes.

The End of the First Act.

Act
C1r 9

Act II.

Scene I.

Enter Squire Wouldbe, with a Letter in his Hand, Reading.

Squire Wouldbe[Speaker label not present in original source]

I am the luckiest Fellow that ever was born, I was surely wrapt in
my Mother’s Smock, none of all the weak Sex can find in their Heart
to deny me: I have most powerful Charms, that’s certain. But
Oh, ye Gods! that a Man of my Parts should be born of such mean Parents!
I must hasten, for ’tis near Six.

Enter Dowdy. Squire Wouldbe puts the Letter hastily up.

Sq. Wouldbe.

Pox on her, now shall I be plagu’d with her Impertinence.

Aside.

Dow.

Nay, I will see that Paper, what is it you put up so hastily: Let
me see you Rebel you, for I’m resolv’d I will see it, that I will.

Running to him.

Sq. Wouldbe.

See, what would you see? ’tis nothing but a Libel. There,
take it, bid the Maid bring my Cloak and my Sword; I’m just sent for
out, to a Client.

Gives her a wrong Paper.

Dow.

Is this all? here take it again; but you shan’t go out to ne’er a
Client in England, that you sha’nt: Marry gap! Go to a Client, and leave
me to Sup alone, after I have got a Hot Supper for you too. You Don’t
care for my Company, that you don’t: I don’t care, I’ll go and tell my
Mother, that I will, I won’t be used so.

Gives him the Paper. Crys and Snivels as she speaks. C Sq. Would. C1v 10

Sq. Wouldbe.

I must wheedle the Fool; not that I care for the Mother
more than the Daughter, but I shall lose many a good forfeited Pawn in
the Year, if any Complaints are made.

Aside.

Dow.

What’s that you mutter to your self? I swear and protest I will go
to my Mother, and make her fetch Home all the Plate and Linnen in
your House, you Rebel you, and see where you can get more: Was not
I the making of you? Now you’d leave me, and a Hot Supper, for a
Client. Marry come up.

She going off, he catches hold of her.

Sq. Wouldbe.

Nay, prithee Bunny, don’t be nangry; as true as I am
God A’mighty’s Child, I’ll come Home to Supper; pay Bunny let I go.

Makes a Courtesy and looks simply.

Dow.

You shant go, that you shant, you Rebel you.

She pouts and looks surly.

Sq. Wouldbe.

If you won’t let me go to my Clients, how shall I be able
to maintain my Family. Let me go Bunny, and indeed and indeed I’ll
give you a Fine New Petticoat, such a one as your Neighbour Mrs. Whatyoucallun
has.

Dow.

But will you come Home to Supper then at Eight a Clock?

Sq. Wouldbe.

I will truly, Bunny, what have you got?

Dow.

A most lovely Buttock of Beef and Cabbage; do Puggey, pray
come Home. Ha, but will you?

Fawns upon him, and Kisses him.

Sq. Wouldbe.

Deed I will Mrs. Honeysuckle, turn dive I one, two te Busses,
nay, one mo: B’y Bunny.

Dow.

Your a Wicked Man, well go, but make haste Home.

Sq. Wouldbe.

Heaven make thankful, I am at last rid of her nauseous
fondness.

Aside.

B’y b’y, I’ll take my Cloke within.

Exit. Sq. Wouldbe.

Dow.

B’y dear Rogue, oh ’tis a sweet-natured Man, he’s strangely fond
of me.

Enter Beldam.

Mrs. Beldam[Speaker label not present in original source]

How now Daughter, where’s my Son?

Dow.

He’s just gone out Mother, but he’ll come Home again to Supper.

Bel.

He’d best, or he may look for the Point Cravat: I have here for
him a Forfeited Pawn, of no less than one of the King’s Officers, Mr. Constable
of our Parish, ’tis almost spick and span new, he never wore it but
of Sundays. But are you sure Daughter, he’ll come back to Supper, or
else I will not leave it.

Dow.

O, I am sure he will, for he promised me, and he’s never worse
than his Word. Poor Rogue! O, he’s the kindest Wretch, Mother, that ever C2r 11
ever was, he grows fonder and fonder every day than other. Won’t you
sup with us Mother? Poor Wretch, he longs to see you.

Bel.

No, Daughter, I cannot stay, I have appointed a Customer to be
at Home at Seven, to take in a Silver Tankard, which I will send to you,
for that you have, is call’d Home, and I am to return it to Morrow;
this is one much of the same value, the change will hardly be perceived.

Dow.

But you will bring it before you take the other Home I hope;
for my Puggey will drink out of nothing but Silver.

Bel.

Ai, Ai, that I will, since you say my Son is so good, you shall have
any thing. Here, take what I have brought for him; remember my love
to him, and so good Night, Daughter; I must be gone.

Dow.

Good Night, Forsooth, if you must. Exit BelBeldam.
’Tis a rare thing to have such a Mother; she’s always giving my
Puggy one good thing or other, which makes him take care to please
me: she will one time or other disgrace me, by coming in her every
Day Cloaths; I am ashamed to call her Mother in them.

Exit. DowDowdy. C2 Scene
C2v 12

Scene II.

Sir Charles’s Garden. Enter Sir Charles Frankford and Sir Roger Marwood, with
Musick.

Sir Char.

I think Sir Roger, we must give my Sister, and Cozen Julia,
an Essay of our Serenade; the Song is pretty and may properly be applied
to any of the fair Sex: But is it not very gallant to treat a Sister
thus?

Sir Roger.

I believe, Sir Charles, if Madam Juliana had not a greater
share in it than your Sister, she’d lose her part in this Entertainment.

Sir Char.

I must own my fair Cozen has charm’d me; but I have of
late observ’d her grown so thoughtful, I fear her Heart already is engag’d,
which make me fear to own any Pretensions to it.

Sir Roger.

She cannot sure be insensible to the Brother of Charlot, whom
she so tenderly loves; advance your Addresses, you have a good Advocate.

Sir Char.

No, I’ll see that Mad Sister of mine dispos’d of first: I’d
give Five Hundred Guineas to see her in love; for I dare not own my
being so, till she’s a little tamed. She’ll only make me her sport, as she
does all Mankind besides.

Sir Roger.

I think Sir Char.Charles you should rather give it to secure her
from it if possible; for what Assurance have you she will not blind
with that mad Passion, be betrayed to match her self to one unworthy
of her Merit, and bring an Alliance to your Family, you’d blush to
own.

Sir Char. C3r 13

Sir Char.

No, I dare swear for her; however frollicksome she is in her
Humour, she’d scorn to look on any Thing was basely born: but I
have often heard her declare she would, when ever she married,
match her self where she found more Merit than Estate. I know so
well her Pride in that Concern, I dare trust the Honour of our Family in
the Hands.

Sir Rog.

Then if she should throw her self away upon some well-born
younger Brother, not worth a Groat, I find you would easily forgive
her.

Sir Char.

She has a plentiful Fortune, enough to make any Man happy;
she’s free and absolute, and has as much Right to dispose of her self
and Fortune as I of mine.

Sir Rog.

It argues but little Kindness, for your Sister to be so careless of
her Advantage.

Sir Char.

You need not instruct me in my Kindness for my Sister, she
never found any want of it, nor shall she. But whence comes your Concern
for her, Sir Roger?

Sir Rog.

As she’s the Sister of my dearest Friend: But come, let’s have
that Song. Are you sure they’re together?

Sir Char.

They seldom part so soon, you know. Come, Gentlemen, let’s
have the Song.

To the Musick.

Song.

Young Celinda’s youthful Charms,

Fills the admiring Town with wonder;

The stubbornst Heart, her Eyes alarms,

And makes them to her Power surrender.

Face, C3v 14

Face, and Shape, and Wit so rare!

Heavens Master-piece she was design’d:

A graceful Mien, and such an Air,

Nothing excells it but her Mind.

Tho’ Women envy, Men admire;

Her Eyes, in all, do Love inspire.

Sir Rog.

I think the Door opens.

Sir Char.

Pray, Gentlemen, retire a little, we’ll come to you immediately
in the Street.

Ex. Musick. Enter Charlot and Juliana in their own Cloaths; and Betty.


’Tis they, let’s get behind this Arbour, from whence we may discover
what they say; they certainly will go in there; ’tis the usual place of discoursing
their Secrets in: Perhaps I may pay for my listening; but I cannot
resist so sweet a temptation.

They go behind the Arbour; Charlot and Juliana go into the
Arbour. Juliana’s Maid stays without.
Charlot speaks as she enters the Arbour.

Charlot[Speaker label not present in original source]

I told you ’twas but your Fancy; I was sure no Musick, nor no one else,
but my Brother, would enter here, and he is not at home. Now, my dear
Julia, do not you applaud my happy Fortune? Is it not better, thus to
chuse for One’s self amongst a Multitude, than out of a few, whose Interest,
more than Love, solicites me? If all things prove but successful to my
Wishes, in this Affair, I shall be perfectly happy; if my dear Julia was but
so, I could not wish my self another Joy.

Jul.

Nothing would more alleviate my Grief, than constantly to see you
so; which is the hearty wish of your unhappy Friend.

Char. C4r 15

Char.

You heighten your own Trouble, by your obstinate refusal to let
him know, what I am sure he’d accept with Joy: For Heavens sake let
me tell him, I’m confident he’ll bless me for’t, and so will you hereafter.

Jul.

I’ll sooner yield my Body to the Stake, than own a Passion for a
Man thinks me not worth his taking notice of: No, my dear Charlot, I beg
you to conceal it, as you would do a fatal Secret, that would betray my
Life; for, the first Minute he discovers it, I’ll put it out of his Power ever
to see me more.

Char.

It grieves my Soul, to see you thus afflicted, and will not give me
leave to ease your Pain; but, be assured, I never will betray the least of all
your Thoughts, without your free Consent.

Jul.

No matter what becomes of wretched Juliana, so my dear Charlot’s
happy.

Char.

Take but the same Method, and you may be so too; for, should my
Designs fail, the way I’ve laid them, I’ll openly own them, and then I do
not fear being denied; tho’ ’twould vex me heartily, to miss the Pleasure of
knowing, whether I’m belov’d or not.

Jul.

Alas! your Passion’s but in jest; you do not yet know the Torments,
to wake whole Nights with restless Thoughts.

Char.

No, no, never will; where ere I lov’d, I’d tell him so, and break
that useless piece of Modesty, impos’d by Custom, and gives so many of
us the Pip.

Jul.

I wish I had your merry Heart; but I am now so serious, that the
least Jest is unsavoury to me. Prithee Betty sing the last new Song I gave
you.

Char.

Nay, if thou’rt come to Rhiming, thou’rt in Love indeed.

Song.

Restless in Thoughts, disturb’d in Mind,

Short Sleep’s deep Sighs: Ah much, I fear,

The inevitable Time assign’d,

By Fate, to Love’s approaching near.

When C4v 16

When the dear Object present is,

My flutt’ring Soul is all on fire:

His sight’s a Heaven of Happiness;

And, if he stays, I can’t retire.

Tell me, some one, in Love well read,

If these be Symptoms of that Pain.

Alas, I fear, my Heart is fled,

Enslav’d to Love, and Love in vain.

Char.

That’s your own Fault: But come, let’s in, the Air grows
cool.

Jul.

I’ll wait on you to your Chamber, and there leave you to your Repose.

Exit. CharCharlot. JulJuliana. and BetBetty. Sir Charles comes forward and speaks.

Sir Charles Frankford[Speaker label not present in original source]

Well, what think you now, Sir Roger, had I not reason for my Suspicion?
I have paid for my Curiosity; but I am only too well assur’d of what I
fear’d before.

Sir Rog.

Suppose, Sir Charles, you should prove the Man: I dare believe
I guess not much amiss, who should your Sister take such Liberty with, as
to offer to declare a business of that nature to, but to you?

Sir Char.

I wish no happier Fortune: But much I fear my Stars are not
so kind.

Sighs.

Sir Rog.

We forget our Musick; or, at least, they’ll think so.

Sir Char.

Come, let’s to ’em.

Exit. Sir Charles and Sir Roger. Scene
D1r 17

Scene III.

A Tavern Kitchin. Enter Freeman, Urania, and Cook-Maid.

Ura.

Doll, do you be sure to keep the Kitchin clear, we must be as quick as
possible for fear of Interruption by Companies coming in.

Freem.

Pl―― on him, if he would but make haste, there is now but one
Company in the House.

Doll

looking out.

O he’s here, Sir, just got out of a Chair.

Ura.

Run you Doll, and bring him in here; and get you gone, Freeman, you
know your end.

Ex. Doll.

Freem.

I warrant I’ll rememb0er it with a Vengeance.

Ex. Freeman. Doll returns with Esq; Wouldbe in Womans Cloths, and Exit.

Esq; Wouldbe.

makes a Curtchy, goes up to her.

Your Servant, sweet Mrs. Strawberry,
am not I a pretty Gentlewoman? Now tum dive I a Buss.

Ura.

Fie Sir, what do you mean, you know there’s always Capitulation before
a Surrender; you must promise Constancy, Secrecy, and a thousand other things
beside, before we come to the main point.

Esq; Wouldbe.

Heark you dear Child, is this a place to make Conditions in?
What a Devil made you bring me into the Kitchin, your Chamber had been a
properer place for what we have to say and do?

Ura.

Ai, but to have sent you up alone, or carried you up directly, might
have given cause of suspicion to my Servants, which now I avoid by taking you
from hence.

Esq; Wouldbe.

Let’s lose no time, dear Child, but go where Love and Beauty calls.

Aside.

I Gad, that was a high touch if it passes for my own.

To her.

Come, come, do not delay my Bliss, your House begins to fill; and
we may lose this blessed Opportunity.

Ura.

Well, come then, but you must be sure to be very Civil.

Esq. W.

Ay, ay, as Civil as you desire.

Leaves off amazedly, hearing Freeman’s
Voice.
Freeman within aloud.

Freem.

A Man, say you, in Womens Cloths with my Wife? D―― him,
give me my Sword, I’ll stick him to the Wall.

Ura.

O Heavens what will you do, your betray’d!

Es. W. shakes and shews
great signs of fear.

Squire Wouldbe[Speaker label not present in original source]

Sw――s what shall I do? here’s ne’er a Hole to creep in, as I see, that will
hide a Mouse.

D Feerreem D1v 18

Freem.

within.

Here, Sirrah, charge this Pistol for me whilst I charge the
other, perhaps he’s arm’d for a Surprize; but I’ll Maul the Dog, I’ll lay his Letchery
for him I warrant him.

Ura.

seeming in a great fright.

You’re a dead Man if you do not do something
presently.

Looking about sees the Cystern.

Here, here, get into the Cystern, there is as it happens but very little Water
in it.

Esq; W.

Ah Lord, any where so I may but save my dear Life; well this is a
Judgment upon me for coveting my Neighbour’s Wife, if I had been at home
with my own, I need not have feared any body.

Gets into the Cystern. Enter Freeman Armed looking about.

Freem.

What have you done with your Metamorphos’d Gallant, produce him
you’d best, for if he escape my Fury you shall feel it, you Jezebel you.

Ura.

What is’t you mean, are you mad to make me and your self ridiculous?
I know of never a Gallant that I have, if you do you had best find him out;
Who is it puts these Crotchets in your Crown? you never had reason to believe
ill of me, and why should you hearken to every Fool’s Tale?

Freem.

Why, had not you a Man with you in Womens Cloths?

Ura.

I have had no body with me but my Midwife, and if you had come
sooner you might have examined if you pleased.

Freem.

Indeed Urania, I am too blame to suspect you upon every idle story;
but I was told that Esq; Wouldbe was with you in Womens Cloths; pray forgive
my Passion.

Ura.

Indeed you are unkind, but I can forgive you more than this.

Freem.

Have an Eye to the Bar, for I am sent for out, but will not stay.

Ex. Freeman. Esq; Wouldbe peers out.

Esq; Wouldbe.

Is he gone? I’m almost drowned, the Water’s come in ever
since I’ve been here.

Ura.

He is, you may venture forth.


Aside.

Pray Heaven I hold from laughing.

Esq; Wouldbe comes out dropping wet.

Esq; Wouldbe.

What shall I do, I shall catch my death, with all these wet
Cloths about me?

Ura.

Here, take this Key, and go up to the Star, there’s a Bed provided for
you, and as soon as I can secure my Husband I’ll come to you.

Esq; W.

Dear, kind, charming Creature, how you revive me? but are you sure
he’s gone now, and the coast clear, for ’tis impossible I can take Sanctuary in
the same place again, for by this time ’tis full of Water.

Ura.

You’ll have no more occasion, I hope, but if you should, I think you
must hide there in the Feather-Tub; pointing to a Feather-Tub.

Esq; D2r 19

Esq; W.

I wish I had seen that before t’would have saved me a Ducking.

Ura.

Alas, I forgot it in my fright, but had best be gone for fear of a
Surprize again.

Just as he goes to the Door, he heres trampling within, returns in a great Fright,
and jumps into the Feather-Tub, and says,

Squire Wouldbe[Speaker label not present in original source]

Ay Lord, he’s here again.

Ura.

This was such an unexpected Jest, I shall burst with Laughing.
She goes to him. ’Tis only your fear, here’s no body coming, my Husband’s
gone out, and will not return this hour.

Esq; W.

comes out all over Feathers.

For the Lord’s sake don’t let me stay here
I shall be frighted out my wits.

Ura.

Go as soon as you please, lock your self in, and put the Key under the
Door against I come.

Esq; W.

See, see, is there no body stirring?

Ura.

Not a Mouse, go make haste.

Exit Esq; Wouldbe. Enter Freeman Laughing.

Freeman[Speaker label not present in original source]

So I think I have had my Jest too to make him go into the Feather-Tub.

Ura.

You heard me mention it, did you?

Freem.

Yes, and I knew his fear would make him take to it upon the least
noise; are all things in readiness above?

Ura.

Ay, never fear, let me alone for Mischief.

Ex. Free. and Ura.

The end of the Second Act.

Act III.

Scene I.

Scene draws, discovers Esq; Wouldbe undressing himself to go to Bed.

Wouldbe.

My fright’s amost over, but I’m plaguy Wet and Cold, P――
confound the Cuckold. Going towards the Bed with the Candle in his Hand falls in at
a Trap Door up to his Neck, and puts his Candle out.

Hey! what the Devil’s come to me now; am I going quick to Hell? Enter two Devils, with Torches, and point at him.
Help! help! will no body come to my rescue? the Devil’s come for me
indeed.

D2 Dance. D2v 20 Dance. Enter two more Divels, who join in a Dance with other two frighting and
seizing him, he crys out and shews great signs of fear after the Dance; two more
enters and sings.

Devil.

Say Brother Divel say, what must be done,

With this wicked Mortal, whose Glass is now run,

Wee’ll dip him in Styx to abate his hot Lust,

Then headlong to Hell we the Letcher will thrust,

Wee’ll laugh at his Torments and jest at his Groans,

The Horns he design’d he shall feel in his Bones.

Let’s away with him then to great Pluto our King,

Who expects before this the lewd Victim wee’ll bring.

They take him up and carry him off, who roars out “help, The Devil, the Devil”. Enter Freeman and Urania Laughing.

Freem.

So I think we have sufficiently frighted the Fool, but what hast ordered
them to do with him now?

Ura.

To carry him home just in the pickle he’s in to his Wife.

Freem.

Sure the Coxcomb will never venture hither again?

Ura.

If he do, my next Revenge shall be more home.

Freem.

I would at any time lose a Nights sleep for so much sport: ’Tis time
to raise the rest of the Family, and then try to get a little sleep.

Ura.

With all my heart, my Head akes a Laughing.

Scene II.

Mr. Lovewell knocks at a Door, Enter Servant.

Love.

Is Sir Roger Marwood within?

Servant.

Yes Sir, I’ll acquaint him you are here, if you please to walk in.

Lovewell goes in, returns, and after him Sir Roger drest to go out.

Love.

Sir Roger, your Servant, you’re an early riser I see; I thought I had
been time enough to your levee?

Sir Roger.

That you might have been, had not Sir Charles Frankford sent in
great haste to speak with me; for early rising is not a fault I am often guilty of.

Love.

You are very happy, Sir Roger, to have so free access where so much
Beauty is your daily Entertainment; how is it possible to defend your Heart
from so many Charms the lovely Charlot, they say, is Mistress of. But is she so
beautiful as the Town reports? for I never saw her.

Sir Rog.

She is indeed beyong Imagination, but of so strange and fantastical
a Humour no one can please her; you have more right to pretend to her Favours
than I; for she so much declares against a Man of an Estate, I dare not
think of Addressing.

Love.

That can be only an extravagant way of Talking, she cannot think an
Estate, where ’tis but an Embellishment to both Qualifications, a Fault.

Sir D3r 21

Sir Rog.

Sir Charles indeed is of your opinion, but I am much mistaken if he
does not quickly find it, the real Sentiments of her Heart; for last Night we
heard she and Madam Juliana, her Cozen, discoursing in the Garden; she talkt
of Love and some design she had in hand to day, she fear’d being crost in, but
what that was Heaven knows.

Love.

aside.

Hah, this absolutely confirms me, ’tis real, I am impatient till I see
her, well Sir Roger, I’ll take my leave of you, I hinder your intended visit.

Sir Rog.

I must confess, I am very eager to see Sir Charles in hopes to hear
more of his Sister’s design.

Love.

Shall I see you any where in the Evening, Sir Roger?

Sir Rog.

With all my heart.

Love.

Where?

Sir Rog.

I shall be at Lockets from 8 to 10 or later.

Love.

I will, if possible, wait on you there.

Exeunt.

Scene III.

St. James’s Park. Enter Charlot and Juliana Maskt.

Jul.

I see you’ll really meet him then?

Char.

Ay, and marry him too, if he has Courage enough to venture on me.

Jul.

’Tis a strange Resolution, Heaven send you may never have reason to
repent it; think well, my Dear, what you do, consider it is irrevocable.

Char.

Prithee forbear; Thy serious Notions almost spoil my design; but
know my Juliana, I have given him my Heart, and will my Person, for I passionately
love him.

Jul.

I wish him worthy of his happy Fortune; the time draws near; does not
your Heart go a pit a pat?

Char.

Yes, for fear he’ll not come.

Jul.

looking out.

That care is at an end, prepare for the Combat, for yonder
comes your Antagonist.

Char.

’Tis he indeed, my Courage almost fails me, but ’tis too late to retreat;
I’ll stand the brunt let what will be the event.

Enter Love, and gazes on them. Charlot advances towards him, pulls off her Glove
and gives him her Hand, which he kisses.

Love.

If the whole Piece prove as beautiful as this Sample, I find I’m undone
already; come unmask, dear Madam, and kill me quite.

Jul.

Not to shew a better Face, but better Nature; I’ll give her my Sample.

Pulls off her Mask.

Love.

’Twas kindly said and done.
To Char. But I gad Madam, if you mean to preserve the Conquest of my
Heart intirely to your self, you’d best put by that cloud, for there are dangerous
Eyes.

Looking at Juliana. Jul. D3v 22

Jul.

She’ll soon reduce the Rebel to his Obedience, convince him of the
Truth, by shewing him a Prospect of that Heaven which is alloted for him.

Char.

No, I’ll leave it to his Imagination, which perhaps may be to my advantage;
and if you have Courage enough to venture on me as you see me, here’s
my Hand and Heart, and all that’s mine to be intirely yours.

Love.

’Tis a large Proffer; but I’m for none of Fortune’s blind Bargains, come
upon the square, dear Lady, and I am for you; I ever had an aversion to a
Vizu-Mask, it shall be one of my Articles, that from this day Forward you shall
never wear one.

Char.

With all my heart, conditionally that this day the only one in which
I must reign, I may wear it at pleasure.

Love.

After you have discovered that Face which is to charm me out of my
Liberty, I’ll agree to all you desire.

Char.

pulling off her Mask.

As you’re a Man of Honour, stand to your word,
for now I claim you as my own.

Love.

eagerly kissing her Hand.

By Heavens, an Angel! dear charming Creature,
dispose of your happy Slave for ever; I am now no more the cautious illnatur’d
Fellow, I have been all this time; I am all o’er Love and Rapture, come
lovely Creature, lets away to Church, where I may make you mine without
danger of ever losing you.

Char.

Laughing.

Mercy on me! what an Alteration’s here! from whence proceeds
this mighty Change?

Love.

Could you expect less from that betwitching Face, enough to tempt Diogenes
from his Tub, and make that surly Stoick, turn Epicure; Heaven never
made such dazzling Beauty but to do Miracles, I’m now Love’s Convert.
Aside. So I find I’m a Woman’s Ass already; I am dowright damnably in
Love, and will through this Matrimonial Gulph, if I perish in the attempt.

Char.

You’re very serious Sir, pray don’t consider too much, I may chance to
lose a Husband by it.

Love.

I am thinking how very happy I shall be when the Divine Charlot’s
mine; come dear Madam, I will delay my bliss no longer.

Char.

Ay, for Heavens sake, let’s away while this Passion lasts, this Violence
will soon be over, and then the Tide will turn.

Love.

It never, never shall, dear charming Angel.

Char.

to Jul.

Come Cozen, you must be our Witness.

Jul.

I wish I may be ever so to all that makes you happy.

Exeunt om
Scene D4r 23

Scene IV.

Enter Esq; Wouldbe and Dowdy.

Esq; W.

Nay, pray dear Bunny, don’t be nangry indeed and indeed; I was taken up by the Watch and carried to the Round house.

Dow.

Yes, yes, a likely matter, and how came you out pray?

Esq; W.

Why the Devil sent four of his Life-guard, and took me out by
main force.

Dow.

Don’t think to make a Fool of me, but tell me the truth, you’d best,
you Rebel you; who was it brought you home, they lookt like Devils indeed;
but how come you in this pickle to come home without your Cloths?

Esq; W.

Aside.

What the Devil shall I say now! Pauses a little.
Why indeed Bunny I cannot tell, for I was damnable Drunk, and did not know
I was in the Round-house till I wakt this Morning and found my self there:
Pray Bunny fordgive I, as true as I am God Almighty’s Child, I won’t do so no
more.

Kneels and makes pitiful Faces.

Dow.

Get you gone, you Fool, and don’t make you self such an Ass; you
are like to wear your old Cloths till Easter, for you shall have no new ones.

Esq; W.

Nay, pray Bunny now don’t be so nangry; indeed I do love Bunny.

Rises, kisses and fawns on her.

Dow.

You have such a way with you; well, come then, but will you be good?

Esq; W.

I will indeed Bunny, go and bid the Maid warm my Bed, for I am
very weary with my last Nights Loging; if any body comes to speak with
me, let me not be disturbed.

Dow.

I will my Dear, poor Wretch, I’ll go and make you some Butter’d-
Ale too.

Exeunt Dowdy.

Esq; W.

Ay do, so I have appeas’d one Fool; I’m damn’d Mad at this Disappointment,
if I thought Urania had a hand in it, I’d be revenged of her, by
Publishing to the Town I had lain with her; I did verily believe the Devil had
run away with me, till I discover’d one of them to be Ben the Drawer; ’twas
certainly a Contrivance of Freeman’s, I’ll return it to him with the honourable
Badge of a pair of Horns. I’ll sleep three or four Hours, and then write to her
for another Appointment, I doubt not but the kind Soul is willing.

Exit Esq; W.
Scene D4v 24

Scene V.

Enter Lovewell, Charlot, and Juliana, at the Blew Posts in the Haymarket.

Love.

Now, my dear Charlot, that I can call you mine; how much I prize
the Blessing you shall find by the great Value I shall set on you.

Char.

You are wonderous Devout, but ’twill ne’er last long: The sawcy
Name of Husband will in short time claim its Lawful Authority. But pray
Mr. Lovewell, hasten Dinner.

Enter Servants with Dinner.

Jul.

’Tis here you are always happy; you can but wish and have.

Love.

Come, Ladies, fall to, if you have any Appetite; I must restrain
mine, though Grace is said.

Char.

If you have any to what’s here lets sit ―― Remember this is my
Day of Power; and being the last that I must Reign, you must expect me to be
very tyrannical.

Jul.

All Happiness to you both, and may it ever continue.

Drinks to ’em

Char.

As much to dear Juliana in the Man she loves.

Love.

Success and Happiness attend us all. What think you of a Song, Ladies,
’twill give us time to eat.

Char.

With all my Heart.

Love.

Call in the Musick there? Exit Waiter Enters with Musick. To the Musick. Come, pray oblige us with a Song.

A Dialogue by a Man and Woman.

Woman.

Oft have you told me that you lov’d,

And askt how I your Flame approv’d;

Of Love and Flames I’ve heard ’tis true,

Yet never till it came from you.

But I would know what ’tis so call’d,

Before my Heart in’t be involv’d.

Man.

’Tis a desire in the Mind,

A pleasing Pain, and Joy refin’d.

Life E1r 25

Life is a dull insipid Thing,

Where Love its Blessing does not bring.

The Gods themselves, who Joys dispence,

Have felt its mighty influence.

Woman.

If Gods that Power have own’d, alas! I fear

I strive in vain to keep my Freedom here.

Man.

Resign it then, and bless me with your love,

A Glory I’d not change to move

The brightest Star in all the Orb above.

Woman.

If you will promise ever to be true,

My Heart and Freedom I’ll give up to you.

Man.

As well the Needle from his Pole may move,

As I to Love and Thee unfaithful prove.

Chorus together.

In Love and in Pleasure we’ll pass all our Nights,

And each day we’ll revel with some new Delights.

Thus we’ll Live and Love on, till together we Die;

And in each other Arms to Elizium will fly.

Ex. Musick.

Char.

Now, Mr. Lovewell, you must give my Cozen and I permission to
leave you for a little time, to go to the Exchange to provide some Necessaries;
and because I will not leave you idle, pray take Pains to tell that Purse of Gold.

Love.

Since it must be so, what you please. But I hope you will not make
it long before you return.

Char.

You shall not stay for us half an Hour.

Love.

Where will you go when you come back?

Char.

We’ll discourse of that when we meet again; farewell. Come
Cozen.

Ex. CharCharlot. and Juliana. Lovewell waits on them to the Door, returns, sists down, and tells the Gold.

Lovewell[Speaker label not present in original source]

Five hundred Pieces; a pretty Sum, and not unwelcome at this time. I Gad
I was a very lucky Fellow to have a pretty rich young Lady thus thrown into
my Arms, just in the Ebb of my Fortune.

Enter Frank with a Note. Enter Waiter with a Letter.

Wait.

Here’s a Note, Sir, left for you at the Bar, as they went out.

Ex. Waiter. E Love. E1v 26

Love.

Ha! What should be the meaning of this! Opens, and reads.
――Dispose of your self as your Humour serves you, when you have
done with the Employment I left you; for you will meet at this time with no
other Entertainment from your Bride.

Drawer ready.

Death, Hell, and Furies! what can this mean! Am I thus Jilted at last by
some lewd Woman! O Sot! that I could think one of Charlot’s Birth and Fortune
would marry at that wild Rate. She only took up that Name to gull the
easy Coxcomb, unthinkful Fool; I could curse my self, her, the Sex, and all
the World. What shall I do, O dear damn’d Impostor! By Heaven I love her
so, I can scarce repent I have made her mine; were she but Honest, which
much I fear, I would not change her for the Worlds Empress. But why do I
flatter thus a senseless Passion? This Toad, for ought I know, a leud Prostitute,
who only has drawn me in to go to Goal for her. O there it is! Some
false fair Devil, forsaken by her Keeper, that wanted only a Husband for that
use, or else to Father some Body’s Child: But however, she is no very poor
Whore.

Shews the Purse.

But this is no Place to Expostulate in. Here Drawer.

Drawer.

Did you call, Sir?

Enter Dubois.

Love.

Ay, what’s to pay?

Drawer.

All’s paid, Sir, by the Ladies?

Exit Drawer.

Love.

So that’s some Comfort still; come chear thy Heart, Lovewell; all yet
may be well: They’re Jilts of Quality however. I believe it is e’en some Lady
errant that’s run mad reading of Don Quixot; but hang’t, jesting is a little Unsavory
at this time. I’ll see if I can find out Sir Roger Marwood, who may tell
me some Tidings of the true Charlot, though not of my fair damn’d Devil; O
curse of my Credulity.

Well; since this damn’d Jilt is gone,

I am fairly rid of all the Sex in one.

Exit Lovewell.

The end of the Third Act.

Act IV.

Scene I.

Enter Lovewell, and Drawer.

Love.

Is Sir Roger Marwood here?

Draw.

Yes, Sir.

Love.

Who’s with him?

Draw.

Only Sir Charles Frankford.

Love. E2r 27

Love.

Tell them Lovewell desires to know if he may have admittance to
them.

Enter Sir Roger.

Draw.

Yes, Sir, I will.

Love.

’S death, what shall I do? Tell him I’m married, he’ll only laugh at
me, as all the World will do besides. He’s here! Heavens what shall I say?

Sir Roger.

Why so ceremonious, Mr. Lovewell, to your Friends? Come,
come in, we are all alone, and shall be glad of a third Person to make us
Company.

Love.

Mine will be but very indifferent at this time; for I’m cursedly out of
Humour.

Sir Roger.

I’m sorry for that, and much more so, if you have any just Occasion;
but come we’ll endeavour to divert you.

Love.

’Twill be ineffectual at this time. Aside. Call Drawer.
I’ll follow you, Sir.

Ex. Sir RogRoger. and Love. Scene draws, discovers Sir Charles Frankford writing at a Table. Glasses and Bottles. Enter to him Sir Roger Marwood, and Lovewell.

Sir Charles.

rises.

Mr. Lovewell, your Servant: You’ll pardon me I did not
wait on you. I was writing an Excuse to my Sister, whom I promised to fetch
home from Kensington this Evenning, but an unexpected Business is fallen out
which hinders me. You’ll give me leave to make an end.

Sits down.

Love.

Ay, pray Sir Charles.
To him. Has Madam Charlot been long out of Town, Sir Charles?

Aside. “So I find I’m indeed ruined, she’s out of Town. Oh! I could Curse!”

Sir Char.

She went but this Morning to make a Visit to a Relation we have
there, who she brings home with her; I’m sending my Coach for her, she
would go this Morning into a Hackny.

Love.

Ha! some Hopes still. Aside.
To Sir CharCharles. If your Coach goes empty, pray, Sir Charles, give me leave
to make use of it, for I am obliged to be at Kensington to Night to mount the
Guard.

Sir Char.

With all my Heart; ’tis at your Service.

Love.

I’ll lose no time then, for fear the Ladies should stay for it.

Sir Char.

I’m sorry to lose your good Company so soon, but I’m likewise
ingaged. Here, who waits?

Enter Drawer.

Sir Char.

Bid one of my Servants come to me.

Draw.

Yes, Sir.

Ex. Drawer. E2 Sir Char. E2v 28 Enter Footman.

Sir Char.

Here, give this Letter to the Coach-man, and bid him carry it to
my Sister at my Aunt Treaters, and wait on the Gentleman where he pleases.

Love.

Sir Charles, your Servant. Sir Roger, yours. Aside. So now if I can but get this Letter from the Coach-man, which I suppose
will be no hard matter to effect, I shall certainly find whether it be my
Charlot, or no.

Ex. Lovewell.

Sir Rog.

This Lovewell’s a pretty Gentleman. I have often thought he’s in all Circumstances the very Man I have heard your Sister wish for to meet in a
Husband: But how goes the Business with your fair Cozen Juliana? I dare believe
she loves you.

Sir Char.

I dare believe so too: But only as she is a Relation, I fear some
happier Man is the Subject of her Sight.

Sir Rog.

That you may soon resolve your self, by discovering your Passion
to your Sister, who knows the deepest Secrets of her Heart.

Sir Char.

’Tis true, I may: But I so much fear the Discovery will not be
to my Advantage, that I find some Pleasure in being unresolved, to hope the
best.

Sir Rog.

Take Courage, Sir, and try: My Life on’t ’tis you, and only you
that takes up all her Thoughts.

Sir Char.

Well, I’ll venture, let the Event be what it will: But come, Sir,
Roger
, we shall out stay our time, ’tis now near Six, the Hour which we appointed
to be at Whitehall.

Ex. Sir Char. and Sir Rog.

Scene II.

Enter Freeman and Urania at several Doors.

Ura.

I find there is no getting rid of this opinionated Blockhead’s sawcy Importunities,
but by exposing him to the whole Town, which I’ll venture bearing
a Share in to be revenged of him: Hast the Letter Freeman?

Free.

Yes, here it is. I warrant old Madam Beldam catches at it as greedily
as she would a Client for her Son.

Urania E3r 29 Urania takes it, and reads. “‘Madam, I cannot see so much Goodness as your vertuous Daughter is possed with,
abused so grosly by the Lewdness of her Husband, without (if it is
possible) making you sensible of it; if you will be further informed,
be this Evening at Seven a Clock in St. James’s Park, where you may
be convinced how great a Brute he is to her, by finding him with a
Wench.
Your Friend unknown.’”

Ura.

You have adapted it to her Capacity; but I thought you would have
writ it to Madam Dowdee her self.

Free.

O no; it might have lighted in the Husband’s Hands, and that would
spoil all: But have you answered his Letter?

Ura.

Yes; and appointed him to be here at Nine, to come in Boldly, and
call for a Room, and to let me alone with the rest, which I’d contrive for him.
I warrant him I’ll be as good as my Word; be sure to get some Cherry Bounce
for them, you know they are all Souls.

Free.

I’ll warrant I’ll have that shall do their Business for ’em: I’ll put the
Letter into the Penny Post my self.

Ura.

And I’ll go and see the Chamber prepared for him.

Exeunt.

Scene III.

Enter Charlot, Juliana, Bellasira, with a Servant.

Char.

A Gentleman say you come in my Brother’s Coach with a Letter
for me?

Serv.

Yes, Madam.

Char.

Do you know his Name?

Serv.

Yes, Madam, ’tis I think Mr. Lovewell.

Char.

Go tell him I’ll wait on him presently. Exit Serv.
Now, my dear Girl, you must assist me, or all my Designs are crost.

Bell. E3v 30

Bell.

What is it you wou’d have us do?

Char.

Come in, and I will tell you.

Exeunt omnes. Enter Lovewell, and Servant.

Serv.

’Please, Sir, to stay one Moment here, my Lady will come to you
presently.

Love.

Thank you honest Friend. I have easily compassed the Letter; but
never was poor unfortunate Lover upon a Rack as I am this Minute, between
Hope and Fear.

Enter Bellasira.

Love.

aside. By Heavens I am lost! It is not my Charlot. I am so confounded
I know not what to say. Goes to her, and salutes her.
Madam, Sir Charles made me so happy to be the Messenger of this to his fair
Sister, Madame Charlot, whom I presume you are.

Gives her the Letter.

Bell.

My name is Charlot, and Sister to Sir Charles Frankford; but I am amazed
why he should give a Gentleman the trouble his meanest Servant could have
performed.

Love.

Ruined and lost! Curst, curst, deluded Fool! Aside.
Madam, ’twas at my earnest Intreaty to have an Opportunity to make me
Welcome where I could hope none, but from such an Introducer.
I’m so distracted I know not what I say, or do.

Aside.

Bell.

You seem disorder’d. Sir, are you not well? Please you to sit?

Love.

No, Madam; I’m taken on the sudden with a strange Diziness in my
Head, nothing but the Air will do me good. Madam, your most humble
Servant.

Exit Lovewell.

Bell.

So this is but one part over, the greatest yet remains behind: I’ll in and
dispatch this Letter after him.

Exit Bell. Enter Mrs. Belldam, and Dowdy.

Dow.

I don’t care, I will tell him that I will; and I’ll tear his Eyes out, a
Rebel as he is.

Blubbering and Crying.

Beld.

Nay, pray Daughter be perswaded, that will make make him be upon the
march; let us go into this St. James’s Park, and catch him there, and then we’ll
swinge him off both together.

Dow.

But don’t go in that pickle, Mother; ’twill Disgrace me now I am
a Gentlewoman. Oh, oh, oh! that he should Cuckold me that have been the
making of him.

Beld.

Have patience, Daughter; perhaps it a Story laid upon him. I’ll go
home, and put on my best Cloaths, and come presently.

Ex. Beld. Dow. E4r 31

Dow.

Well, I will go and see whether he is there, or no; but I’ll up for a
Dram of Comfort, for my Spirits are cast quite down.

Exit Dow.

Scene VIV.

Enter Lovewell reading. “‘If it may be permitted me to hope any thing from the Disorder I see in
you at our last Conversation, I would gladly believe it to my Advantage;
the Sight of you has given me an infinite deal of Disquiet, but
your Absence an insupportable Pain. I conjure you to return to me with all
speed you can, that I may know what Reception my Heart may find with
you, upon whom I have bestowed it unaskt. I demand yours in return, upon
which depends the Felicity of
Charlot.’”
Lovewell speaks, and sighs.

Lovewell[Speaker label not present in original source]

I would it was in my Power to give.
What has my cursed Fortune reserved me for! Must I ever be her Sport! I’m
Jilted by a false Charlot, when I might have had the true one. But that is not
the worst of my Misery; for to compleat it, and make me truly wretched, I
love this False, Unknown, beyond my Reason, and all Things. Here she comes,
and I’m more out of Countenance than she’ll pretend to be.

Enter Bellasira.

Love.

To answer your Commands, Madam, I am come; not that I dare
wish any thing from the Hopes you give me here. Shews the Letter.
Such Blessings does not belong to the unhappy Lovewell, who serves only for
the Sport of Fortune, and all the World besides.

Bell.

I believe you found nothing in my Letter, Sir; (tho I must Blush to own
it) but what looks too sincerely to give the least mistrust it was not real:
Heaven is not truer than that Charlot Loves, Languishes, and without a grateful
Sense of her unbounded Passion, Dies for you.

Love.

Heaven has not now another Curse in store to make me more unhappy.

Bell.

Is then my Youth and Fortune so contemptible, that it would only heap
up Miseries upon the Man I love? The generous offer I make you of my Heart
is not a common Prize; no, my dear Lovewell, she sighs for I must call you
so, ’tis unacquainted in Love’s wide Labyrinth, and there will lose its way.

Love.

Forbear, dear Madam, to distract me with this Angel’s Goodness, I am
not worthy of the least of all this mighty Kindness, I wish ’twere in my power
to give my Heart to her that best deserves it, for none has so just a Claim as the E4v 32
the Divine Charlot. You have treated me with that Sincerity that ’twould be a
Baseness I never should forgive my self to betray you with such hopes, (Pardon
the Expression) I cannot justly give; in short Madam, to my Eternal Confusion
I speak it, I am not a Master of my Inclinations, I love with all the Ardour
of prevailing Passion, a false ungrateful Woman, and what renders my
Folly inexcusable, one I know not, nor ever perhaps may see again.

Bell.

And can you be so unjust to your self, and cruel to me, to scorn my real
Love for a Chimera?

Love.

Express my curst Misfortune by som gentler term, I beg you that does
not suit with the respect that I will always pay you.

Bell.

If you will still prefer a base ungrateful Woman before the truest Love
that e’er possest a tender Virgin’s Breast, yet grant me this one Boon, that I
may always know where to hear of you, I mean, no wrong to your ingrate, or
to trouble you with the Persecution of my unwelcome Love.

Love.

Be assur’d, dear Madam, you always shall command me in that and
all things else, that lies within my power.

Bell.

Well Sir, I will not detain you longer in this uneasie Entertainment.

Love.

kisses her Hand.

Adieu, dear Madam, you shall very speedily hear of
the unhappy Lovewell.

Ex. Lovewell.

Bell.

So I think I have done pretty well for a young beginner, but I must
give an account of my sucess, that I believe they have heard it all.

Exit Bell.

Scene V.

St. James’s Park. Enter Beldam and Dowdy, Beldam drest in an old fashion Point Coif, a lac’d
Mazarene Hood over her Face, an A-la-mode Scarf lac’d round ruffled full behind,
both Mask’d.

Belld.

I wonder how the Misses, as they call ’em do, that were these Masks,
I never wore one before; I am all in a Sweat with it, how can you bear yours?

Pulls off her Mask and wipes her Face.

Dow.

Oh, I have learnt to wear one since I was a Gentlewoman.

Enter several Men and Women crossing the Stage.

Beld.

What a World of fine Folks here is, but I don’t see my Son yet?

Dow.

He may be a t’other side, let us go round.

Enter Freeman.

Freem.

So, there’s my Game, to them. You seem Ladies, to be in search of
some body, can I assist you?

Dow.

You? why, what are you?

Freem.

A Knight Adventurer, to serve all pretty Ladies.

Beld. F1r 33

Beld.

What, I warrant you, you take us for Misses now, because we have got
Masks; but I’d have you to know my Daughter and I are not for your turn,
we are none of this end of the Town Folks.

Freem.

Pray good angry old Gentlewoman, I mean no harm, nor do not take
you for any of this end of the Town Ladies; but would perhaps if you would
accept the Service, help you to a sight of him you come to find.

Dow.

Why, how do you know who we come to find?

Freem.

Know, why I know by the Stars, not only that, but all your most secret
Thoughts, did you never hear of Partridge?

Beld.

Yes, he that makes Almanacks, I always buy his, because he Nosticates,
as they call it, what will come to pass.

Freem.

Why, I am he, I can tell you now what you come here for.

Dow.

O Mother! he may tell me perhaps where we may find my Rebel.

Freem.

Ay, that’s a small matter in my Art, to let you see I perfectly know
your Concerns; you come here expecting to find your Husband with his Mis,
at Rosamonds Pond.

Beld.

Oh Daughter, this is certainly Dr. Partridge, and he can tell this by
Strology; may be he may tell us where to find him.

Dow.

Pray Sir, be so kind if you can.

Freem.

Can, that’s a good one, why, I’ll carry you to the very House; nay,
the very Room where he is, if you’ll go with me.

Dow.

Your Servant good Sir, I’ll go with all my heart, shan’t us Mother?

Beld.

Yes, if the Learned Doctor pleases; but will you go with us, good Sir
Doctor?

Freem.

Yes, that I will, to Dowdy lets see your Hand Lady, looks in her Hand
Hah, you were born under Vulcan, you must have a care of Horns; I doubt you
have been a little too near his Forge already by your Complexion, let me see,
you’ll have seven Children, as beautiful and wise as the Mother, and as honest
and modest as the Father; you’ll be a Widow very speedily, that is, within these
five or six Years, next Husband shall keep a Coach.

Beld.

O good Sir, tell me if I shall live to see that day.

Shews her Hand to him.

Freem.

Yes, you may, if you spare your Brandy-Bottle a little more than you do.

Beld.

Aside. O Lord, I see he knows all I do, I wish he does not find out from
whence I furnish my Daughter’s House with fine Sugar, Spice, &c. and Candles,
and make Mrs. Lockup the House-keeper be turn’d out of her place.

Freem.

Well, come Ladies, shall I conduct you where I promised? I have set a
Spell upon him, that he cannot stir till I come.

Dow.

Ay, come Mother, I long to be at him.

Beld.

My Fingers itch too, I’ll pull off his Point Cravat again with a Vengeance.

Freem.

Come Ladies, I’ll lead the way.

Exeunt omnes. F Scene
F1v 34

Scene VI.

Enter Charlot and Juliana at several Doors.

Char.

O Coz, Juliana, I was just seeking; I have a Secret to discover to you
gives me a great deal of pleasure; my Brother is passionately in Love, and just
now confest it to me, and has engaged me to be his Advocate, will not you
assist me?

Jul.

Cruel Charlot, why this to me, do you triumph over my Misfortune?

Char.

Unkind Juliana, to think I would, ’tis you your self has charmed him.

Jul.

I fear ’twas Gratitude, and not his Choice, made him think on me unfaithful
Creature, to betray to him the dearest Secret of my Life, and force an
Inclination, perhaps he ne’er had thought of.

Char.

By all that’s good, my Dear, you wrong me, he own’d it to me with all
the signs of Fear your Heart was prepossest; he ever heard our late Conversation
in the Garden, and charged me if I knew you would not receive his Addresses
favourably, never to tell you the least tittle of it; I gave him so much Incouragement
as to revive his hopes.

Jul.

And so you Discourse ended, did it?

Char.

No, I told him then of my Marriage, which he was far from being angry
at, but blamed me a little for using of him so; and promised to forgive me,
upon Condition I would prevail with you to accept his Addresses.

Jul.

You need not doubt succeeding, my Heart too much pleads for him, to
need another Advocate.

Char.

Lets go my to my Cozen Bell. I left her with my Brother, and flew with
all Impatience to bring these happy Tidings.

Exeunt.

The end of the Fourth Act.

Act V.

Scene I.

Enter Charlot and Sir Roger Marwood.

Sir Rog.

You could not, Madam, have made a better Choice, for Lovewell
wants not Virtues to make him in all things a compleat Gentleman,
but an Estate, which his Elder Brother was born to, and he best deserves;
but why will you use him thus, Madam?

Char.

Only to find which he has most Esteem for, my Person or Estate.

Sir Rog.

That was a Trial to be made before, and not now; when ’tis not
in your power to revoke what you have done.

Char.

’Tis, I own, a foolish Curiosity; but pray Sir Roger, no more Objections,
but if you will oblige me, do as I desire.

Sir F2r 35

Sir Rog.

Well, Madam, I will, upon two Conditions; first; That you use
your Interest with your pretty Cozen, you have brought to Town with you, to
accept the Prize she has made of my Heart; and secondly, To put poor Mr. Lovewell
out of his pain to Night, by discovering his Happiness to him.

Char.

I engage my Honour for both, do but as I desire for two or three
Hours, and after I’ll be guided by you.

Sir Rog.

I’ll obey you, Madam, but remember the Conditions.

Exit. Sir Rog. Enter Juliana, Bellasira.

Char.

What have you done with my Brother?

Bell.

My Aunt is entertaining him with Politicks, which we thought we had
but little concern in; so have left them to settle the Nation, whilst I come to
settle my Heart; but I find you have disposed of him whose hands I did design
to put it in: Prithee what hast done with him, I shall grow monstrous jealous,
if you do not give a very good account of him?

Char.

Hey day! what are you in Love too! Sure the little God will empty
his Quiver in our Family, for never was such a Company of Loving Souls?

Jul.

You see ’tis dangerous jesting with edge Tools; You cannot, Charlot,
but in honour assist her, for ’twas you that screw’d her up to a Love Key.

Char.

I am glad to find her so inclin’d, for Sir Roger just now engaged me to
be his Intercessor.

Bell.

You’ll find it no hard task to perswade me to a good Opinion of him;
but have you engaged him in your Affair?

Char.

Yes, he is gone about it; but I have yet another part for you, and then
I’ll undeceive him.

Bell.

I’ll do any thing you’d have me promise, but that; for I’ll swear I am
in pain for him.

Char.

I do sincerely promise you I will, I wait but for Sir Roger’s return, and then
you shall know my farther design; come let’s now in and release my Brother.

Enter Sir Roger Marwood.

Love.

Sir Roger, your most humble Servant, you are the only Man that now
is only welcome to me; how can you have so much Goodness to throw away
a Thought on one so wretched?

Sir Rog.

I ne’er forsake my Friends in their distress, I wish I could bring comfort
to your trouble; all I can say, is, still to hope the best; a day or two may
perhaps unriddle the Mystery, and you may yet be happy. But come, Mr. Lovewell,
you must go out with me, I will not leave you alone to your melancholy
Thoughts.

Love.

I am at your Service, dispose of me as you please.

Sir Rog.

Are you ready?

Love.

Always to wait on you.

Exeunt. F2 Enter F2v 36 Enter again in the Street, Sir Roger and Lovewell.

Sir Rog.

aside.

It goes against my nature to betray this Man, though ’tis but
in a Jest; here are the Rascals coming.

Enter Four Bayliffs.
They seize Lovewell’s Sword before he sees them.

Sir Rog.

Hah! what mean you Hell-hounds?

First Bayliff.

No harm to you, Sir, Mr. Lovewell? I Arrest you at the Suit of
Alderman Saintly in an Action of 10000 l.

Love.

I never heard of such a Name.

Second Bayliff.

I suppose, Sir, your Lady does.

Love.

Oh does she so, Hell confound her for it; nay, Hands off, I’ll follow
you upon my Honour, where e’er you’ll carry me.

First Bayliff.

Will you not send for Bail, Sir?

Love.

No Sir, I’ll directly to the Goal where I must lie.

Sir Rog.

Will not my Bail be accepted? I’ll willingly engage for one.

Love.

By no means, Sir Roger, I will not involve my Friends in my Misfortunes;
they must e’n take my Body for the Debt; for I am not worth it no way
else.

Sir Rog.

I’ll strait away to this Alderman Saintly, and see what’s to be done.

Exit. Sir Rog.

Love.

Farewel Sir, you’ll find me at the Gate-House; come Sirs, conduct me
where you will, I’ll tamely follow; I think the Mystery is now disclos’d with a
Vengeance.

Exeunt omn. Enter Sir Charles Frankford, Charlot, Juliana and Bellisira.

Sir Char.

Why should you delay my Happiness, dear Cozen, for the Punctilio
of formal Courtship; I have long lov’d you, let that attone for it; and if my
Sister does not flatter me, you do not hate me.

Jul.

What would the World, and you your self think of me, to catch at your
first Proffer, as if I fear’d you would recant?
Smiling. I dare trust your Constancy, and stay till ’tis convenient.

Sir Char.

To the World you may very well answer your Conduct; for it is
but confirming the Reports which have been often of it, being so designed for me,
’tis what I beg of you; and what time’s more convenient than now, at the consummating
my Sisters Wedding?

Jul.

Upon this condition, that you can oblige Sir Roger and my Cozen Bell.
to marry at the same time I’ll promise you.

Sir Char.

Do you dispose her to it? I’ll warrant him, for his is passionately in
Love with her; what say you Cozen, will you obstruct my Bliss? for now it
alone depends on you.

Bell.

You know, Sir Charles, you may dispose of me, who are my Guardian.

Enter F3r 37 Enter Sir Roger Marwood.

Char.

Now for some news from enchanted my Esquire. She takes Sir Rog. aside.

Sir Rog.

’Tis done as you commanded; but ’tis well if you do not repent it,
for I left him in a desperate Humour.

Char.

Good Heaven forbid! Sir Roger, pray wait on my Cozen Bell. to him,
but do not you appear; by that time she has done, we’ll all be there, to Bell.
you have my full Directions.

Exit Sir Roger leading Bellasira.

Sir Char.

Indeed, Sister, you have gone too far, in thus imprisoning a Man
who shortly must command you. What is it you Design now? If you play
him any further Pranks I’ll betray you to him.

Char.

I will not; I have only sent my Cozen Bell. to once more try him;
after which, I, and Sir Roger, will go to him. You, and my Cozens, shall be
in hearing; and when you find we come to any Agreement, then come in.

Sir Char.

Suppose he takes Cozen Bell. at her Word, what think you then?

Char.

Think! why, I shall think him a Man: But if he can resist the Temptation,
an Angel.

Sir Char.

Come, let us go. I’m very impatient to see him disabused.

Exeunt. Enter Turnkey.

Turnkey.

Sir, here is a Gentlewoman desires to speak with you; Shall I let
her in?

Love.

A Gentlewoman! Ay, pray conduct her in; this is a pretty Place to
entertain Ladies in, but ’tis her own seeking; Who should it be? my fair Devil
of a Wife perhaps!

Enter Bellasira.

Love.

This is indeed amazing Goodness! How could you think of a lost
Wretch, dear Madam, forsook by all the World?

Bell.

Not all you see, no my dear Lovewell, I never will forsake you, but constantly
attend your Fortunes; mine cannot be favourable whilst yours are adverse;
would you but make mine yours, as I will always espouse your Concerns,
there should not be a Joy possest by Charlot, but what should be her Lovewells,
and all his Griefs be hers.

Love.

Your Generosity confounds me, I must not add so much to that vast
heap of Favours I stand indebted to you for; I’m incapable any way to make
the least return.

Bell.

Is it so hard to Love? I have Youth and Fortune, is that no Charm?

Love.

Your Person is infinitely charming, and that more than Angel’s Goodness,
not to be resisted; but know, dear Madam, sighs. since I must tell you,
to justifie my self from that Ingratitude you justly might reproach me with;
I am, to my Destruction Married, Married, dear Lady; that’s the curst cause of
all my Misery.

Bell. F3v 38

Bell.

Then I am lost indeed, a fatal Moment that I saw you first; why were
we born to be both unhappy?

Love.

I could, dear Madam, for ever be blest with you, but would not
wrong your Goodness to involve you in my wretched ruin.

Bell.

This is meer excuse: But for all your Cruelty to me, I’ll free you from
this uncomfortable place, and if you’ll still persist in your Ingratitude, expect the
Curse that follows that base Sin of never being happy.

Exit.

Love.

For Heavens sake, dear Madam, stay and hear me speak. Following her to the Door.
He returns. She’s gone, and much I fear, will keep her word; had I but
known her before I was bewitcht by that damn’d Sorceress, how happy might
we both have been? But I’ll no longer cavil with my Fate, but by a tame Submission
to it baffle its utmost Malice.

Sits down and reads. Enter Sir RoRoger. Marwood and Charlot. Lovewell starts up and throws away his Book.

Love.

Hah! What do I see! S’death ’tis the dear Devil her self; now shall I
play the Fool and be again deluded, for I find I have not power to be heartily
angry at her. But how came he with her?

Char.

You seem surpris’d, Sir, I fear my sight offends you.

Love.

I wish it ne’er had pleas’d me, sighs false Woman, of all the Coxcombs
that this Town abounds with, Why was I cull’d out to be your Property! but tell
me if thou hast so much Grace left to once speak Truth, how came he with you?

Sir Rog.

As a kind Friend should do to release thee of thy pains, and take them
on my self; I love this Lady with all the Blindness which attends that Passion,
marry her at any rate, and Sacrifice the World to give my self that Satisfaction.
She has prudently consider’d your equal want of Fortunes will but make you both
miserable.

Char.

Therefore if you’ll consent to make void our Marriage, you shall this
minute be releas’d from this place, if not, stay till Necessity compels you.

Love.

Treacherous Man, how could you call me Friend, and thus basely betray
me?

Char.

Well, what say you, Sir?

Love.

Hell confound you both; no, I’ll still keep thee to be reveng’d of thee,
and plague thee for the Wrongs thou hast done me, ungrateful Creature, to torture
thus a Man thou knowest lov’d thee from the first Moment he see that
damn’d bewitching Face; wer’t but honest, I could love thee still; but I will tear
thee from my Heart and never think of thee again, sighs if possible; she
weeps
ah stop those Crocodiles Tears, for though I know them to be so, they
pierce me to the Soul.

Char.

Can you forgive me, Sir? for all this usage I long have lov’d you, which
made me resolve some way or other to Marry you; how I effected it, I need
not tell you, I had no sooner done it but I repented, believing justly you would
be provoked to use me ill, when once you found I had only borrow’d the name
of Charlot, this made me fly your anger.

Love. F4r 39

Love.

And to secure your self, secured me. Hah! was it so? I thank you
kind Wife, indeed ’twas wonderous Love.

Char.

Pray hear me out. Sir Roger here, who has long solicited me to his
unlawful Love, presuming on the Scantiness of my Fortune, when he found all
other ways ineffectual to obtain me, proffered to marry me; which I likewise
refused, acquainting him withal of my Marriage with you, which made him
clap this Action on you, to drive you to the Choice of either renouncing me, or
else to keep you here.

Love.

Oh Heavens! that ever such a Piece of Villany should harbour in that
Heart I always thought was Noble: How could you call me Friend, and thus
betray me?

Rog.

aside.

She makes me appear a pretty Rogue, that’s the truth of it; but I
must let her run on. You know, Mr. Lovewell, Love and Friendship are not
compatible, where the Object of it is adored by both.

Love.

Then art thou Honest? Come swear and damn thy self, you know I
am credulous, and shall believe you.

Char.

By Heavens, and all that is Sacred, I am chast; and love thee at that
extravagant Rate, I’d quit a Throne to dwell with thee in Chains, Oh my dear
Lovewell, could you meet mine with an equal Passion, how happy might we be!

Love.

Yes, in some Country, where we could live by Air and Love; for I
know not how we shall maintain a costlier Diet.

Char.

Providence will not let us starve, we must trust to that; I ask you nothing
but your Love, I will maintain my self.

Char.

Indeed you wrong my Virtue, I’m truly honest, and would not injure
you, though in a thought to gain the World; Forgive what’s past, and take me
to your bosom.

Love.

holds her in his Arms.

Heaven knows how willingly I could, yes, I could
love thee, doat on thee, and be thy Fool.
Puts her from him. Stand off, vain easie Ass; what am I doing, trapanning of
my self again?

Char.

You shall not throw me from ye, I’ll follow thus, hangs on him and
never will forsake you; and here I swear I will not leave this place, till you
conduct me hence.

Love.

May I believe you serious?

Char.

You must, you shall; I ever will be yours, with as much Truth as ever
Turtle lov’d her dearest Mate.

Love.

Well, I will live with thee, for Heaven knows I Love thee; and though
you have used me thus, will always use you well.

Sir Rog.

Smiling.

So, Madam, I see I’m quite forsaken.

Enter Sir Charles, Juliana, Bellasira.

Sir Char.

Here are more Witnesses to your bargain, Mr. Lovewell, than you
are aware of; But methinks, my new Brother, you might have askt me leave.

Love. F4v 40

Love.

O, Sir, do not triumph over the Easiness of a deluded Man; I humbly
ask your Pardon for the Wrong I did design in marrying this fair Imposter,
whom I did indeed believe your Sister; my love for her transported me beyond
all thoughts of what I ow’d you.

Sir Charles takes Charlot, and gives her to Lovewell.

Sir Charles Frankford[Speaker label not present in original source]

Here, Lovewell, take her; for my sake use her well: I’ll leave it to her to
justify her Procedure to you. But upon my Honour she is my only Sister,
the rich Heiress, Charlot, whom you first believ’d.

Love.

The happy sequel does indeed make a large amends for all I have suffered:
But are you sure we do not Dream? for I am so accustomed to Misfortunes
I cannot yet believe them real.

Char.

But you were not so diffident, Mr. Lovewell, before my Estate was
added by my Brother’s Discovery.

Love.

An Estate to one in my Circumstances is no unwelcome Addition:
But be assured, dear Madam, from the Sincerity I ever used to you, ’tis the least
Part of my Joy; but I have, by my knowledge who you are, an unquestioned
proof of your Virtue, and Sir Roger’s being still my Friend.

Sir Rog.

And so you shall always find me.
To Bell. For here’s my Pretensions.

Bell.

Do you think, Sir Roger, I can so soon disingage aside my Heart
from cruel Mr. Lovewell?

Love.

Fair cruel Lady! how could you torture so a wretched Man not then
himself, with a pretended Love that gave me more disquiet than my own
Troubles? But I am now all Joy, and will unaskt, forgive the World and Fortune
for all past Injuries; now my dear Charlot’s mine, Heaven has not another
Blessing left that I think worth the asking.

Char.

You are wonderous Zealous now, pray Heaven it lasts.

Love.

It must, it ever shall. How can you distrust my love, who have given
you such evident Proofs of it?

Sir Rog.

Since Heaven is in this bounteous Humour of dispencing Blessings,
why should it be only a niggard to me, and make me only a dull Spectator of
your Happiness? Say; will not you join with me in my Suit to your fair Cozen
here?

Looking at Bellasira.

Sir Char.

She is my Charge, which here I resign to you. I know she’ll be
guided by my Advice; Gives her to Sir Roger, and now Cozen Juliana I
claim your Promise.

Jul.

Methinks you might stay till to Morrow, ’tis time enough, considering
how long it is to last.

Sir Char.

No, we’ll not trust the Treachery of another Day; Fortune is
fickle, and may Frown to Morrow.

Jul.

Well then here’s my Hand, From this Day forward, for better for
worse, &c.

Bell. G1r 41

Bell.

What think you of those Words, Sir Roger, do they not make you
tremble?

Sir Rog.

Yes, for fear of some fatal Interruption before they come to be pronounced.

Sir Char.

Let’s lose no time then; I have a Friend will quickly dispatch the
Ceremony.

Exeunt. Enter Freeman, Urania, and Doll.

Ura.

Well, Doll, what have you done with the ’Squire?

Doll.

As you commanded, Madam, conducted him to your Chamber, with
charge not to speak but in a Whisper; and because I’d be sure he should discover
nothing by his Candle, I took it away with me, for fear I told him it might
be seen at Windows, which might occasion a Suspition; not being a Room in
use, he readily consented; and said, he could find the way to Bed by dark, and
slipt a Crown into my Hand to secure my Master not coming up.

Exit Doll.

Free.

So ’tis well, there remains no more now; the House fills a Pace, but
the Company I design to entertain with this Jest is Sir Charles Frankford, and
Sir Roger Marwood, who have just sent to bespeak a Supper here. I’m sure they
bring Company with ’em, they have ordered such a noble one; we had best
take Orders for it, and then we shall have time to entertain them.

Enter Sir Charles, Sir Roger, Lovewell, Charlot, Juliana, Bellasira,
Freeman and Urania.

Ura.

I’ve used all Methods to restrain his Folly, by shewing all the Scorn
a virtuous Woman could to a dishonest Love; that but increased his Persecutions
till I was weary of being Angry. I thought, by counterfeiting to return
his Kindness, which his Vanity easily induced him to believe, I might draw him
into some Snare to betray his lewd Intentions to the World, without the hazard
of my own Reputation, which is generally sacrificed to the Malice of a disappointed
Coxcomb. And to perfect my Revenge, I have contrived to let his
Wife be witness to’t, and so leave the Fool to her punishing, which he’ll find
Plague enough.

Free.

Call in Doll, and let’s begin the Farce. Enter Doll.
Come, Doll, to your Post.
Aloud. Where’s your Mistress, Doll? Doll squeaks.
Ha! what are you frighted at?

Doll.

Nothing, Sir, but I was almost Asleep, and you surprized me.

Free.

That will not serve your turn, Mistress. What do you guard this
Door so close for, is any Body in that Chamber?

G Doll. G1v 42

Doll.

In this Chamber, Sir, no; who should be here?

Free.

Where is your Mistress, I say?

Doll.

My Mistress, Sir; in her Chamber not well, and gone to Bed.

Free.

No, but she is not; for, missing her, I have been to seek her, not
only there, but in all the Rooms in the House, except this. Pray deliver the
Key, without more Fooling; for I will see what you keep Century for.
So by this time I suppose the Fool is frighted enough.
Aloud. Deliver it me, I say, you had best.

Doll.

Pray, Sir, don’t fright me so, there it is.

Gives the Key. Ex. Freem. as into the Room. Freeman within.

Freeman[Speaker label not present in original source]

That shall not serve your Turn: I’ll fetch you out of the Chimney here.
Doll, bring my Pistols presently.

’Sq. W.

within.

O pray, Mr. Freeman, spare me this time, and you shall
never catch me in your House again, nor with your Wife.

Free.

Come down then, or I’ll fetch you, with a Pox to you.

’Sq. W.

O pray, Mr. Freeman, have a little Patience, and I will.

Enter Freeman pulling in ’Sq. W. wrapt in a Blanket.

Free.

Nay, nay, no Strugling; I must shew the Company my Wife’s Gallant.

They all Laugh.

’Sq. W.

aside.

Who the Devil have I been with all this time?
Here’s Urania, now I find she fools me.
To UraUrania. How dare you thus expose me; Do not you fear my Revenge?

Ura.

aloud.

Not at all; I have Witnesses enough to prove both your Intentions
and mine: But I have one within you know not of, whom I’ll fetch to
you.

Ex. UraUrania.

Free.

Well, ’Squire Wouldbe, I hope, hereafter you’ll leave my Wife to such
a poor clownish Fellow as my self; you see she does not understand your
Merit, but thinks me good enough for her.

Sq. W.

aside.

I am ashamed of my self, that’s the truth of it, which makes
me silent.

Enter Urania, with Dowdy in a Night-Gown.

Sq. W.

My Wife! nay then I’m ruin’d past Redemption.
Aside. How the Devil came she here? But that she has not Sense enough
for an Intrigue, I should suspect she was as much mistaken in her Bedfellow as
my self.

Dow.

Have I catcht you, you Rebel you; I warrant you I’ll do your Errand
to my Mother.

’Sq. W.

Nay, good Bunny, not so fast; pray let me know first how you
came here a Bed with me.

Dow.

Why, Dr. Partridge conjured me here on purpose to catch you.

’Sq. W. G2r 43

’Sq. W.

That’s likely; you and I must come to a Reckoning about it.

Dow.

Reckon me no Reckonings; there the Doctor can tell you as much.

Pointing to Freeman.

’Sq. W.

This Dr. Partridge! why, this is Freeman, the Master of this House.
There is some Trick in this,To Freeman. I suppose you have been before hand
with me, and given me the Horns, I designed you.

Dow.

What do you mean by Horns? Do you think I’d be a Whore?

Free.

’Faith, ’Squire, no: You may keep your dainty Bit to your self; when
I have a Mistress it shall be one that will have Wit enough to conceal what we
do; for o’ my Conscience she’d tell.

Dow.

aside.

I can’t imagine how I came here, to say truth; for I thought
I had been a Bed at home, till that Gentlewoman came and waked me, and bid
me say what I did.

Ura.

You know, Esq; Wouldbe, how many Disappointments I have given you
just in the height of your Expectations, which would never perswade you was
done in scorn of your lewd Design; this was the only way I thought would rid
me of your Saucy Importunity. I did believe it very necessary to let your Wife
be an Eye-Witness of your Faith to her, that she may hereafter take more than
usual Care to keep her Coxcomb to her self; I will not give you the Satisfaction
to let you know how I effected it, but if she or her Mother remembers, they
may, I’ll only add this; There has been no wrong offer’d to her Honesty,
which you may easily believe, if you consider the Charms of her Wit and Person.

Char.

I think ’tis great pity they should not be intirely each others, for they
are the best match’d Pair I ever saw.

Jul.

Indeed, Urania, you are a Woman of a singular Virtue, that can resist
the force of that tempting Mein and Air.

Sir Rog.

Faith Sir, you’d better march off, these Ladies will be too hard for
you else.

Sir Char.

Ay, prithee Freeman, we have e’n enough of their Companies, dispose
of them as you please.

’Esq. W.

aside.

Gad I’d be reveng’d of her if I live.

Free.

to Esq. W..

Well, Sir, you may go if you please, and take your pretty
Lady with you, your Cloths are in the Bar-room where you may dress you, there
you have you Dismission from this Company.

Ura.

And what can you leave your dear Mrs. Honisuckle? tum d’ive I a Buss,
sure you cannot think but I Love you strangly after all this Proof of my Kindness.

They all Laugh.

’Esq. W.

aside.

P――x C――d ye, I could cry for Madness.

Ex.exit

Dow.

Ladies, your Servant; I thank you for all your Complements, and shall
be very glad to see you at my House, going.

They all Laugh.

Ura.

Heark ye, pray take your Booby home with you, and see to keep him
there.

Dow.

I’ll have nothing to say to him, I’ll go home to my Mother and tell
her.

Exit Dow.Dowdy Sir G2v 44

Sir Char.

Prithee put out the Coxcomb and bring some Musick with you;
what think you Ladies of a Dance?

Char.

With all our Hearts.

Bell.

You see what constant Things you Men are to your Vows, I waflawed-reproduction2 characters
this Fellow swore as much Faith and Constancy as any of you can.

Char.

Hang the Poor Animals, disgrace not so the Race of Men, to compare
him to one; such sensless Wretches are only lumps of Dirt, not fit for any nobler
Form.

Enter Freeman with Musick.

Love.

So here’s the Musick; what shall we Dance? the Brawls?

Char.

No, by no means, Mr. Lovewell, not on our Wedding-Day, lest it prove
an ill Omen.

Sir Char.

Come, come; I’ll lead up if you’ll follow, every one take his Bride.
Freeman, you and your Wife must make a Couple.

They Dance, after which this Song.

Look down great Hymen from Above,

These Pairs preserve in Peace and Love.

May never Jars their Joys molest,

But still a sweet and Halcyon rest

Upon their mutual Bliss attend,

And ev’ry Hour new Pleasures send.

Free.

All Happiness to you all.

Enter Drawer.

Draw.

Supper waits you Gentlemen.

Sir Char.

Come, Ladies, let’s in and take a short Repast; it grows late, and
time to be at home, where indeed I ought to have given my Wife her Wedding
Supper, but that the Warning was so short.

Love.

At last the Storm is over blown,

And on that happy Coast I’m thrown

Where all my Joys are laid in store,

Heaven cannot give, nor could I ask one more.

Exeunt omnes.

Finis.