She Ventures,
And
He Wins.
A Comedy,
Acted at the
New Theatre,
In
Little Lincoln’s-Inn Fields,
By His Majesty’s Servants.
Writen by
.London.
Printed for Hen. Rhodes, at the
Corner of Bride-Lane,
in Fleet-street; J. Harris, at the
Harrow in the Poultry;
and Sam. Briscoe, at the
Corner of Charles-street, in
Russell-street, near
Covent-Garden, 16961696.
The
Preface.
I dare not venture to send this Play
bare-fac’d
into the World, without saying something in
its Defence: I am very sensible of the many
nice Judgments I expose my self to, who may justly
find an infinite Number of Faults in it, which, I
profess ingenuously, I am not able to mend; for,
indeed, I am altogether unacquainted with the Stage
and those Dramatick Rules, which others have with
so much Art and Success observed. It was the
first I ever made Publick by appearing on the Stage,
which, (with the Advantage it met with, of admirable
Acting) is all the Recommendations I have for
exposing it, in its own naked Simplicity, without any
Ornaments of Language or Wit; therefore, I believe,
the best Apology I can make for my Self and
Play, is, that ’tis the Error of a weak Woman’s Pen,
one altogether unlearn’d, ignorant of any, but her
Mother-Tongue, and very far from being a perfect
Mistress of that too; and confess I have but just Wit
enough to discern I want it infinitely; yet these ReasonsA2
sons
A2v
which should have dissuaded me, could not conquer
the Inclinations I had for Scribling from my
Childhood. And when our Island enjoyed the Blessing
of the Incomparable Mrs Behn, even then I had
much ado to keep my Muse from shewing her Impertinence;
but since her death, has claim’d a kind of
Privilege; and, in spite of me; broke from her
Confinement.
The Plot was taken from a small Novel; which, I
must needs own, had Design and Scope enough to
have made an excellent Play, had it met with the
good Fortune to have fall’n into better Hands; but,
as it is, I venture to send it abroad, where, if it finds
but a favourable Reception from my own Sex, and
some little Incouragement from the other, I will
study in my next to deserve it: Which then, perhaps,
may make me ambitious enough to be known; but,
in the mean time, I humbly beg the Favour to borrow
the Name of
Ariadne.
Prologue.
Spoken by Mrs. Bowman, in
Man’s Cloaths.
This is a Woman’s Treat y’are like to find;
Ladies, for Pity; Men, for Love be kind;
Else here I come, her Champion, to oppose
The two broad-sides of dreadful Wits and Beaux:
’Tis odds indeed; but if my Sword won’t do,
I can produce another Weapon too.――
But to my Task,―― Our Author hopes indeed,
You will not think, though charming Aphra’s dead,
All Wit with her, and with Orinda’s fled.
We promis’d boldly we wou’d do her Right,
Not like the other House, who, out of spite,
Trump’d up a Play upon us in a Night.
And it was scarcely thought on at the most,
But Hey-Boys, Presto! conjur’d on the Post.
These Champions bragg’d they first appear’d in Field,
Then bid us tamely article and yield;
So did the French, and thought themselves secure;
But, to their cost, have fairly lost Namur.
And so much, Gentlemen, by way of Satyr,
Now I am come t’examine your good Nature:
Since ’tis a Lady hopes to please to Night,
I’m sure you Beau’s will do the Ladies Right.
Clap ev’ry Scene; and do your selves the honour,
Loudly to boast the Favours you have done her.
So may the Play-House, Park, and Mall befriend you,
And no more Temple-Garden Broils attend you.
Epilogue,
Spoken by Mr. Dogget, drest as a Beau.
Written by Mr. Motteux.
Our Poetess is troubled in her Mind,
Like some young Thing, not so discreet as kind,
Who, Without Terms, has her dear Toy resign’d.
You all are wild to bring her to the touch;
You beg, you press, you swear, and promise much;
’Twere well if your performances were such.
Our Authress now is in, at your Devotion,
Tho’ she, perhaps to please you, want the Notion,
Be gen’rous once, she’ll quickly mend her Motion.
For, pray take notice, ’tis her Maidenhead,
(that of her Brain I mean) and you that wed
Feel seldom easie Joys, till that is fled.
If you are kind, she’s willing to go on;
But if you turn her off, the Nymph turns Nun;
And what a scandal wou’d be to the Nation,
Shou’d some for want of Trade leave their Vocation;
And, among Friars pray for Occupation?
I’m much afraid a Woman’s like a Play,
You’d have ’em new and pretty ev’ry Day,
Or, else, your Servant; ’Gad I cannot stay.
’Tis true, you wait a while in expectation
(When up the Curtain flies) of Recreation;
But you all go, when ere the Play is done;
Then down the Curtain drops, and whip you’re gone,
And thence to tell ungrateful Truths you run.
Be kinder; let our unknown Fair appease ye,
Tho’ you mislike her Play, her Face may please ye:
She hides it now, yet she mislikes the Task,
But knows how much you love a Visard Mask.
Yet sure she must be safe among You here;
We Beaux can ne’re be Criticks on the Fair:
As for you, Judges, if I rightly know ye,
You shou’d think that ungrateful Task below ye.
Ye Braves, that made your Campaign at the Wells,
Storming the Breach of some Fair Citadels,
If kind, may chance to find out where she dwells.
Ladies, for your own sakes you must be kind;
Lest, while we scarce one writing Beauty find,
Vain Man deny your Sex the Graces of the Mind.
Take you her part, the Men of course submit,
And so your Beauty shall secure her Wit.
Let all these Reasons kindly draw you in,
And safely then She Ventures, and we Win.
Dramatis Personæ.
Men.
Sir Charles
Frankford, Brother to Charlot, in Love with
Juliana.
Mr. Boman.
Sir Roger Marwood, Friend to Sir Charles. Mr. Scudamore.
Lovewell, a younger Brother of
small-Fortune, married
to Charlot.
Mr.
Hudson.
Freeman, a Vintner, Husband to
Urania.
Mr. Freeman.
Squire
Wouldbe, a proud, pragmatical Coxcomb of poor
extraction, Husband to Dowdy.
Mr.
Doget.
Women.
Charlot, a Rich Heiress. Mrs. Bracegirdle.
Juliana her Cousin, in Love with Sir ChCharles. Frankford. Mrs. Boman.
Bellasira, in love with Sir RogRoger. Marwood. Mrs. Martyn.
Urania, Wife to Freeman. Mrs. Barry.
Dowdy, wife to Squire Wouldbe, pretending to rule her
Husband, yet always jealous and
uneasie.
Mrs.
Bowtel.
Mrs. Beldam, her Mother, a Pawn-broker. Mrs. Lee.
Doll, Urania’s Maid. Mrs. Lawson.
Servants.
Waiters.
Chairmen.
Bayliffs.
Turnkey, &c.
She Venters, and He
Wins, &c.
Act I.
Scene I.
Enter Charlot and Juliana in Mens Cloaths.Jul.
Faith,
Charlot, the Breeches become you so well ’tis almost pity you
should ever part with ’em.
Char.
Nor will I, till I can find one can make
better use of them to
bestow ’em on, and then I’ll resign my Title to ’em for
ever.
Jul.
’Tis well if you find it
so easie, for a Woman once vested in Authority,
tho’ ’tis by no other than her own making, does not willingly part
with it: But, prithee Child, what is thy Design? for I am yet to learn.
Char.
Why, to ramble the Town till I can meet
with the Man I can find in
my heart to take for better for worse. These Cloaths will give us greater Liberty
than the scandalous World will allow to our Petticoats, which we could
not attempt this Undertaking in without hazard to our Modesty. Besides,
should I meet with the Man whose outside pleases me, ’twill be impossible by
any other means to discover his Humour; for they are so used to flatter and
deceive our Sex, that there’s nothing but the Angel appears, tho’ the Devil lies
lurking within, and never so much as shews his Paw till he has got his Prey
fast in his Clutches.
Jul.
Methinks you that have so true a Notion
of that treacherous Sex,
should be afraid to venter for fear of being your self deceived.
Char.
No, my dear Julia, to avoid
it is the scope of my Design; for, tho’
by Laziness and Ease the generality of Mankind is degenerated
into a soft Effeminacy,
unworthy of the noble Stamp was set upon their Soul, there still remains
a Race retains the Image Heaven made them in, Vertuous, and Just, Sincere
and Brave: And such a one I’ll find, if I search to the
Antipodes for him,
or else lead Apes in Hell.
Jul.
But, Dear Child, will not every one think
you stark mad for a Husband,
to take this extravagant course for one?
Char.
No sure; none can think one of my Youth
and Fortune can
want the Tenders of Hearts enough; I’m not obliged to follow the World’s
dull Maxims, nor will I wait for the formal Address of some Ceremonious
Coxcomb, with more Land than Brains, who would bargain for us as he would
for his Horse, and talks of nothing but Taxes and hard Times, to make me
a good Housewife; or else some gay young fluttering Thing,
who calls himself
a Beau, and wants my Fortune to maintain him in that Character:
Such an opinionated Animal, who believes there needs no more to reach a
Ladies Heart than a boon mien, fine Dress, the Perriwig well
adjusted, the
Hand well managed in taking Snuff, to shew the fine Diamond-Ring, if he’s
worth one; sometimes a conceited Laugh, with the Mouth stretch’d from one
Ear to t’other, to discover the white Teeth, with sneak and cringe in an affected
Tone, cries Damn me, Madam, if you are not the prettiest Creature my Eyes
ere saw! ’Tis impossible for me to live if you are so cruel to deny me; with
a world of such foolish stuff, which they talk all by rote;
no, my Julia, I’ll
have one who loves my Person as well as Gold, and please my self, not the
World, in my choice.
Jul.
Is there’s any such thing as real Love
in that false Sex, none sure is so
capable to inspire it, as the charming Charlot,
your Person is indeed infinitely
taking, your Humour gay, and Wit refined, and Beauty enough to tempt
a Hermit; yet, after all, you’ll find it a difficult business
to distinguish, which
the most zealous Adorations are paid to, your Beauty, or Gold.
Char.
I warrant thee, Child, I’ll take Care of
that: But come, to our Affairs
in hand.
Jul.
Where’s your Brother?
Char.
He’s safe enough, he dined to Day at
Sir Roger Marwood’s, where, ’tis
twenty to one, he’ll be ingaged the Evening.
Jul.
Suppose he should meet us in our
Rambles, he’d certainly know
us.
Char.
You’re so full of your Suppositions;
suppose he should, which there’s
no great danger of, but at the Play
House, where we’ll first stear our Course;
he’s too discreet to discover us, and too good humour’d to be
angry, but
will think it one of my mad Frolicks, without other Design, but
a little Diversion.
But I know from whence your Fear proceeds; which, if
you put
any more Scruples into my Head, I’ll discover; therefore look to
your good
Behaviour.
Jul.
sighs.I confess
you have me at an Advantage, but that has now no part
in my design, to serve you with that little Wit I have; there’s a Coach waits
us at the Garden Gate.
Char.
Allons, my Dear; now Love be propitious.
Scene II.
Enter Freeman, and Urania with a Letter in her Hand.Uran.
Nay, prithee Freeman, be
not in such a Rage at a thing so contemptibly
ugly, that is not worth raising the Passion of a Man;
you must trust to
my Honesty after all you can do, and, if I design’d you foul
play, I would not
acquaint you thus freely, as I do, with all the Coxcomb’s
proceedings: Pray
leave him to my management, and for once trust a Woman’s
Revenge; I’ll
warrant you I’ll handle him so as shall give you more
pleasant Satisfaction
than any you can propose; nothing so sharpens our Sexe’s
Invention, as Revenge,
the darling Delight of our Nature; and, if I do not pursue mine
home, may the Curse of being thought dishonest, without knowing the pleasure
of it, fall upon me.
Freem.
Urania, I do dnot suspect you of any Design to abuse me, but, as I believe
you honest, I would have the World do so too. Besides,
there is no Fort
so impregnable, that may not one time or other, with long
Assaults of Stratagem,
be taken: But I will have Patience, and see the result
of your Designs;
and, if they do not satisfie me very well, will then
take my own Measures
with him.
Uran.
Agreed, with all my Heart,
here is the Letter I just now received
from him, and likewise my Answer.
Billets. Freem. reads. “‘Dear Mrs. Honysuckle,
I don’t know what a Devil you have done to me, but I can neither eat, drink, or
sleep, for thinking of those dear, damn’d Eyes, that have set my Heart on fire; let me
know when that troublesome Property, your Husband, is out of the way, and I will fly
to assure you, I am your devoted Slave, S. Wouldbe.’” B2 Freem. B2v 4
Freem.
Familiar, sawcy Fool, I
know his Impudence so well, I do not wonder
at him: But now for yours.
Reads. “‘’Tis impossible to gain any opportunity by my Husband’s being abroad, because
then I am confined to the Barn; but, if you dare, for my sake, metamorphise your
Breeches into Petticoats, but avoiding the seeing of my Husband, and you may pass
with all the security possible: To night, in Play-time, will be very convenient, it being
a new one, we shall in all likelihood be empty of Company; so that you may have the
opportunity, if you desire it, of being alone, with your obliged humble Servant.’”
Freem.
What mean you by
this, Urania? Sure you mistook when you gave
me this Letter? What is your Design? The Devil take me if I can imagine.
Uran.
Why, first to draw the
Woodcock into the Net, and then to use him
as I think fit. Pray relie on me, and be not so suspicious,
for, if you are,
you unravel my whole Design.
Freem.
I can scarce confine my
Anger to a Jest; but, for once, I trust you,
But if you play me false, and make me thus the Property, as he
calls me, of my
own Disgrace, look to’t, by Heaven I’ll murder thee.
Uran.
Your Threats no way terrifie
me, having no Designs that will give
you any cause of Displeasure: I’ll dispatch away a
Messenger to my Gallant,
and, in the mean time, give you your Instructions, for you
must be assistant
to me.
Freem.
Well, go in, I’ll follow you immediately.
Ex. Urania. Freeman Solus.I never had the least reason to distrust her Honesty,
tho’ I’m not perfectly
satisfied with this Letter of hers; but I’ll watch her
narrowly, and it shall scape
me hard if she deceive me.
Scene III.
St. James’s Park. Enter Lovewell crossing the Stage; Charlot and Juliana followinghim in Mens Cloaths.
Char.
Thus far we have kept sight of him, see we don’t loose him now.
Jul.
No, he’s turning again this way.
Charl.
Well, if I like his Humour
and Sense as well as his Person, my
search is at an end; for this is my Man, I believe he’ll make an
excellent
Frugal Husband, he has led us a sweet Jaunt; I am very weary,
but must
not complain. O, here he comes again, I’ll accost him, and try what Mettle
he’s made of.
Jul.
Why sure thou art not
stark mad; s’life he’ll beat us, do you see
how surly he looks.
Char.
No Parlying now; Prepare to
second me, whilst I give the Onset.
Jul.
Thou’rt a Mad-Wench, but I’ll not fly from my Colours.
Char.
Well said Girl, now I like thee; but here he is.
Char.
Give a Stranger leave Sir,
to disturb your Meditations, which seem
to be as serious, as if you had just received the fatal Nay,
and were now
breathing Vengeance against Fortune, Love, and Woman-kind.
Love.
Indeed, you mistake, young
Sir, I was thinking of no such Trifles:
those Fooleries belong to your Years, or at least are only
then excusable,
But I believe you’r disposed to be merry, Gentlemen, and at
this time I am
very unfit Company for you; the serious Humour I am in, will not
agree
with yours.
Jul.
Is it the effects of being
crost in some Design, makes you so, or your
natural Temper?
Love.
Neither Sir, but why does it concern you to know.
Char.
Because we would gladly
divert it, Sir, would you accept of our
Endeavours towards it, by admitting us into your Company.
Jul.
There’s nothing so
pernicious to Health, as the indulging of Melancholy,
and we having a particular interest in yours, must by
no means leave
you with so dangerous a Companion.
Love.
A particular Interest in my Health, for what end, Sir?
Char.
Oh, for several: My future
Happiness and all my Joy on Earth depends
upon it, had I as many Lives as Argus’s Eyes,
I’d hazard ’em all for the
preservation of yours.
Love.
Hey day! whence grows this
mighty kindness? I fear Sir, you
are mistaken; I do not remember I ever had the honour to see
you before.
Char.
I have evidences enough
confirms me, you’re the Man that has cruelly
robb’d a near and dear Relation of mine of her Repose for ever,
and except
you restore it her by reciprocal Love, I fear the worst
effects of this unhappy
Passion.
Love.
Oh Sir, I find you design to divert your self instead of me.
Char.
By Honour, Truth, and all that’s Sacred, I’m serious.
Love.
Well Sir, bring me to the
Lady, I’m not so cruelly inclined, to let a
pretty Woman languish for any civil Kindness I can do her.
Char.
O Heavens! Julia! if he
should be Married! I dare not proceed,
till I know, do you ask him the Question, for I have not Courage.
Jul.
Never fear it, he has not
the Slovenly Air of a Married Man, but you
shall soon be satisfied.
Pray Sir, give me leave to ask you an impertinent
Question. Are you
Married?
Love.
Heavens forbid, ’tis the only happiness I can boast.
Char.
Perhaps you may find it a
greater than you are aware of, before we
part, if you use it to your advantage.
Jul.
What think you, Sir, of a
young Beautiful Lady with a great Fortune,
who loves you well enough to throw her self into your Arms?
Could you
find in your Heart think you to refuse her.
Love.
Why Faith, my little
Acquaintance, these would all very well agree
with a Man under my circumstances; but pray Gentlemen, unriddle,
and
let me know the good Fortune you tantalize me with.
Char.
Well Sir, I will most
faithfully discharge my Message, I have as I told
you, a Relation that is infinitely dear to me, who is,
if the World does not
flatter her, not Unhandsome; Young I’m sure she is, and not
Ill-humour’d,
but what supplies all Defects, is a Fortune not despicable,
being by the Death
of her Mothers Father, who was a Rich
East-India Merchant,
possest of 1500l.
a Year, besides a considerable value in Money and Jewels; but
what renders
her most worthy of your Affections, is that she
passionately loves you, loves
you
B4r
7
you to Madness, from the first Moment she saw you, and
must be ever miserable
to live without you.
Jul.
Alas, it is not possible
she can live at all, without a suitable Return to
her Affection, you cannot sure Sir, be cruel to a young Lady.
Love.
Looks
surly. Ah poor Lady, it may be so.
To Julian.
But you had best Sir, put your Friend upon some other Subject,
for we
shall not be Company for each other long, if he proceeds in
this; one of
you I presume have been dabling with your Lady’s Mothers Woman,
and wants a convenient Tool to cover shame; you were strangely
ill-advis’d to pick me out, there be Cullies enough to serve
your gross
purpose, for whatever Opinion you may have of your moving
Rhetorick,
you’ll find it no easie matter to impose upon a Man, who
has had
more Experience of the Town than your Years will give you leave to
know.
’Tis your Youth indeed that best excuses your Folly, in
attempting a Man
you have no reason either from his Character (if you ever heard
it) or
that Conversation you have had with him, to think a Fool fit for
the use I
find you design me.
Char.
By Heaven, and all that’s
good, you do me wrong: I’m sensible how
hard a matter it would be to impose on you, or did she think
you so, I’m
sure would scorn you; may all the Happiness I wish my
self, prove endless
Torments, if every Word I have said, be not sincerely true.
Love.
What, I warrant, ’tis some
good Pious Alderman’s Wife, that finding
her Husband defective, wants a Drudge to raise an Heir to the
the Family, ’tis
indeed the common Game we younger Brothers live by.
Jul.
Sir, does our Habits or
Addresses merit no better an Opinion, than
so sordid a Thought of us: Besides, did we not tell you,
she is a Rich Young
Heiress, and consequently unmarried.
Love.
Pardon me, Sir, I had forgot
that, but there follows a greater
mischief; she’s, I suppose, for Honourable Love: No, I’m for
none of
that. If she’l accept of a Civil Kindness or so, I’ll do my
best to pleaseherplease her.
Char.
When I have told you Sir,
that this Lady whom you please to be so witty
upon, is Sister to Sir Charles
Frankford, think if you can hope for any thing
from her, but what Marriage which you so much despise,
entitles you to;
if you do not know him, give your self the trouble to enquire
after him, and
his Sister Charlot, whom perhaps you
may not find so contemptible, as you imagine;
or at least if she does not merit your Love, she may
a little more
respect.
Love.
This looks very real, it may
be true, and I like an unlucky Dog be
too incredulous.
Sir, I most earnestly intreat your Pardon,
Sir Charles Frankford I know very
well, and have often heard of his beautiful Sister, but yet
you must give
me leave to distrust my own merit, so much as to think she
cannot cast
away a Thought, much less her Love on so unworthy an Object of it, as the
unhappy Lovewell.
Char.
You’re as suspicious as
an old Lady, that Marries a Young Man, is
of a Handsome Chamber-Maid, (but no more Doubts and Scruples
dear Infidel,
but if you resolve to Marry this kind-hearted Lady, make
me the
Messenger.
Love.
Well, conduct me to the
Lady, we shall make the best Bargain,
I hope you would not have me Marry without seeing her.
Char.
No Sir, be to Morrow Morning
exactly at Nine a Clock, at Rosamond’s
Pond, she’ll meet you there with one Lady more,
both mask’d, she
that gives you her Hand, accept with it her Heart and Person,
but come
not, if you do not fully resolve to Marry her; consider of it
till to Morrow
Morning. Come Cozen, I believe by this time we have tired the
Gentleman
of our Company.
Jul.
But, first, let’s know your final Resolution.
Love.
’Tis to meet the Lady however.
Jul.
We may trust to her Charms for the rest.
Char.
Well Sir, adieu; remember Nine.
Love.
Fear not, I’m too much
pleas’d with the imagination of my approaching
Happiness to forget it.
Char.
We’ll set you down where you please.
Love.
With all my Heart, I lodge in Leicester-fields.
Char.
That’s in our way, come Sir.
The End of the First Act.
ActAct II.
Scene I.
Enter Squire Wouldbe, with a Letter in his Hand, Reading.Squire Wouldbe[Speaker label not present in original source]
I am
the luckiest Fellow that ever was born, I was surely wrapt in
my Mother’s Smock, none of all the weak Sex can find in their Heart
to deny me: I have most powerful Charms, that’s certain. But
Oh, ye Gods! that a Man of my Parts should be born of such
mean Parents!
I must hasten, for ’tis near Six.
Sq. Wouldbe.
Pox on her, now shall I be plagu’d with her Impertinence.
Dow.
Nay, I will see that Paper,
what is it you put up so hastily: Let
me see you Rebel you, for I’m resolv’d I will see it, that I
will.
Sq. Wouldbe.
See, what would you see? ’tis
nothing but a Libel. There,
take it, bid the Maid bring my Cloak and my Sword; I’m just
sent for
out, to a Client.
Dow.
Is this all? here take it
again; but you shan’t go out to ne’er a
Client in England, that you sha’nt: Marry
gap! Go to a Client, and leave
me to Sup alone, after I have got a Hot Supper for you too. You
Don’t
care for my Company, that you don’t: I don’t care, I’ll go and
tell my
Mother, that I will, I won’t be used so.
Sq. Wouldbe.
I must wheedle the Fool; not that
I care for the Mother
more than the Daughter, but I shall lose many a good forfeited
Pawn in
the Year, if any Complaints are made.
Dow.
What’s that you mutter to
your self? I swear and protest I will go
to my Mother, and make her fetch Home all the Plate and Linnen in
your House, you Rebel you, and see where you can get more: Was
not
I the making of you? Now you’d leave me, and a Hot Supper, for a
Client. Marry come up.
Sq. Wouldbe.
Nay, prithee Bunny, don’t be
nangry; as true as I am
God A’mighty’s Child, I’ll come Home to Supper; pay Bunny let I go.
Dow.
You shant go, that you shant, you Rebel you.
Sq. Wouldbe.
If you won’t let me go to my
Clients, how shall I be able
to maintain my Family. Let me go Bunny, and indeed and indeed I’ll
give you a Fine New Petticoat, such a one as your Neighbour
Mrs. Whatyoucallun
has.
Dow.
But will you come Home to Supper then at Eight a Clock?
Sq. Wouldbe.
I will truly, Bunny, what have you got?
Dow.
A most lovely Buttock of
Beef and Cabbage; do Puggey, pray
come Home. Ha, but will you?
Sq. Wouldbe.
Deed I will
Mrs. Honeysuckle, turn
dive I one, two te Busses,
nay, one mo: B’y Bunny.
Dow.
Your a Wicked Man, well go, but make haste Home.
Sq. Wouldbe.
Heaven make thankful, I am at
last rid of her nauseous
fondness.
B’y b’y, I’ll take my Cloke within.
Dow.
B’y dear Rogue, oh ’tis a
sweet-natured Man, he’s strangely fond
of me.
Mrs. Beldam[Speaker label not present in original source]
How now Daughter, where’s my Son?
Dow.
He’s just gone out Mother,
but he’ll come Home again to Supper.
Bel.
He’d best, or he may look
for the Point Cravat: I have here for
him a Forfeited Pawn, of no less than one of the King’s Officers,
Mr. Constable
of our Parish, ’tis almost spick and span
new, he never wore it but
of Sundays. But are you sure Daughter, he’ll come
back to Supper, or
else I will not leave it.
Dow.
O, I am sure he will, for
he promised me, and he’s never worse
than his Word. Poor Rogue! O, he’s the kindest Wretch, Mother,
that
ever
C2r
11
ever was, he grows fonder and fonder every day than other. Won’t you
sup with us Mother? Poor Wretch, he longs to see you.
Bel.
No, Daughter, I cannot
stay, I have appointed a Customer to be
at Home at Seven, to take in a Silver Tankard, which I will send
to you,
for that you have, is call’d Home, and I am to return it to Morrow;
this is one much of the same value, the change will hardly be perceived.
Dow.
But you will bring it before
you take the other Home I hope;
for my Puggey will drink out of nothing but Silver.
Bel.
Ai, Ai, that I will, since
you say my Son is so good, you shall have
any thing. Here, take what I have brought for him; remember my
love
to him, and so good Night, Daughter; I must be gone.
Dow.
Good Night, Forsooth, if
you must.
Exit BelBeldam.
’Tis a rare thing to have such a Mother; she’s always giving
my
Puggy one good thing or other, which makes him take care to
please
me: she will one time or other disgrace me, by coming in her
every
Day Cloaths; I am ashamed to call her Mother in them.
Scene II.
Sir Charles’s Garden. Enter Sir Charles Frankford and Sir Roger Marwood, withMusick.
Sir Char.
I think Sir Roger, we
must give my Sister, and Cozen Julia,
an Essay of our Serenade; the Song is pretty and may properly
be applied
to any of the fair Sex: But is it not very gallant to treat
a Sister
thus?
Sir Roger.
I believe, Sir
Charles,
if Madam Juliana had not a greater
share in it than your Sister, she’d lose her part in this
Entertainment.
Sir Char.
I must own my fair Cozen has
charm’d me; but I have of
late observ’d her grown so thoughtful, I fear her Heart
already is engag’d,
which make me fear to own any Pretensions to it.
Sir Roger.
She cannot sure be insensible
to the Brother of Charlot, whom
she so tenderly loves; advance your Addresses, you have a
good Advocate.
Sir Char.
No, I’ll see that Mad Sister of
mine dispos’d of first: I’d
give Five Hundred Guineas to see her in love; for I dare not own
my
being so, till she’s a little tamed. She’ll only make me her
sport, as she
does all Mankind besides.
Sir Roger.
I think Sir Char.Charles you should rather give it to secure her
from it if possible; for what Assurance have you she
will not blind
with that mad Passion, be betrayed to match her self to one
unworthy
of her Merit, and bring an Alliance to your Family, you’d blush to
own.
Sir Char.
No, I dare swear for her; however
frollicksome she is in her
Humour, she’d scorn to look on any Thing was basely born:
but I
have often heard her declare she would, when ever she married,
match her self where she found more Merit than Estate. I
know so
well her Pride in that Concern, I dare trust the Honour of our
Family in
the Hands.
Sir Rog.
Then if she should throw her self
away upon some well-born
younger Brother, not worth a Groat, I find you would easily
forgive
her.
Sir Char.
She has a plentiful Fortune, enough to
make any Man happy;
she’s free and absolute, and has as much Right to
dispose of her self
and Fortune as I of mine.
Sir Rog.
It argues but little Kindness, for
your Sister to be so careless of
her Advantage.
Sir Char.
You need not instruct me in my
Kindness for my Sister, she
never found any want of it, nor shall she. But whence comes
your Concern
for her, Sir Roger?
Sir Rog.
As she’s the Sister of my dearest
Friend: But come, let’s have
that Song. Are you sure they’re together?
Sir Char.
They seldom part so soon, you
know. Come, Gentlemen, let’s
have the Song.
Song.
Young Celinda’s youthful Charms,
Fills the admiring Town with wonder;
The stubbornst Heart, her Eyes alarms,
And makes them to her Power surrender.
Face, C3v 14Face, and Shape, and Wit so rare!
Heavens Master-piece she was design’d:
A graceful Mien, and such an Air,
Nothing excells it but her Mind.
Tho’ Women envy, Men admire;
Her Eyes, in all, do Love inspire.
Sir Rog.
I think the Door opens.
Sir Char.
Pray, Gentlemen, retire a little,
we’ll come to you immediately
in the Street.
’Tis they, let’s get behind this Arbour, from
whence we may discover
what they say; they certainly will go in there; ’tis the usual
place of discoursing
their Secrets in: Perhaps I may pay for my
listening; but I cannot
resist so sweet a temptation.
Arbour. Juliana’s Maid stays without. Charlot speaks as she enters the Arbour.
Charlot[Speaker label not present in original source]
I told you ’twas but your Fancy; I was sure no
Musick, nor no one else,
but my Brother, would enter here, and he is not at home. Now, my
dear
Julia, do not you applaud my happy Fortune? Is it
not better, thus to
chuse for One’s self amongst a Multitude, than out of a few,
whose Interest,
more than Love, solicites me? If all things prove but
successful to my
Wishes, in this Affair, I shall be perfectly happy; if my dear
Julia was but
so, I could not wish my self another Joy.
Jul.
Nothing would more alleviate
my Grief, than constantly to see you
so; which is the hearty wish of your unhappy Friend.
Char.
You heighten your own
Trouble, by your obstinate refusal to let
him know, what I am sure he’d accept with Joy: For Heavens
sake let
me tell him, I’m confident he’ll bless me for’t, and so will
you hereafter.
Jul.
I’ll sooner yield my Body
to the Stake, than own a Passion for a
Man thinks me not worth his taking notice of: No, my dear
Charlot, I beg
you to conceal it, as you would do a fatal Secret, that would
betray my
Life; for, the first Minute he discovers it, I’ll put it out
of his Power ever
to see me more.
Char.
It grieves my Soul, to see
you thus afflicted, and will not give me
leave to ease your Pain; but, be assured, I never will
betray the least of all
your Thoughts, without your free Consent.
Jul.
No matter what becomes of
wretched Juliana, so my dear
Charlot’s
happy.
Char.
Take but the same Method,
and you may be so too; for, should my
Designs fail, the way I’ve laid them, I’ll openly own them, and
then I do
not fear being denied; tho’ ’twould vex me heartily, to miss the
Pleasure of
knowing, whether I’m belov’d or not.
Jul.
Alas! your Passion’s but
in jest; you do not yet know the Torments,
to wake whole Nights with restless Thoughts.
Char.
No, no, never will; where
ere I lov’d, I’d tell him so, and break
that useless piece of Modesty, impos’d by Custom, and
gives so many of
us the Pip.
Jul.
I wish I had your merry
Heart; but I am now so serious, that the
least Jest is unsavoury to me. Prithee Betty
sing the last new Song I gave
you.
Char.
Nay, if thou’rt come to Rhiming, thou’rt in Love indeed.
Song.
Restless in Thoughts, disturb’d in Mind,
Short Sleep’s deep Sighs: Ah much, I fear,
The inevitable Time assign’d,
By Fate, to Love’s approaching near.
When the dear Object present is,
My flutt’ring Soul is all on fire:
His sight’s a Heaven of Happiness;
And, if he stays, I can’t retire.
Tell me, some one, in Love well read,
If these be Symptoms of that Pain.
Alas, I fear, my Heart is fled,
Enslav’d to Love, and Love in vain.
Char.
That’s your own Fault: But
come, let’s in, the Air grows
cool.
Jul.
I’ll wait on you to your
Chamber, and there leave you to your Repose.
Sir Charles Frankford[Speaker label not present in original source]
Well,
what think you now, Sir Roger,
had I not reason for my Suspicion?
I have paid for my Curiosity; but I am only too well assur’d of what I
fear’d before.
Sir Rog.
Suppose, Sir Charles,
you should prove the Man: I dare believe
I guess not much amiss, who should your Sister take such
Liberty with, as
to offer to declare a business of that nature to, but to you?
Sir Char.
I wish no happier
Fortune: But much I fear my Stars are not
so kind.
Sir Rog.
We forget our Musick; or, at least, they’ll think so.
Sir Char.
Come, let’s to ’em.
Scene III.
A Tavern Kitchin. Enter Freeman, Urania, and Cook-Maid.Ura.
Doll, do you be
sure to keep the Kitchin clear, we must be as quick
as
possible for fear of Interruption by Companies coming in.
Freem.
Pl―― on him, if he
would but make haste, there is now but one
Company in the House.
Doll
looking out.O he’s here, Sir, just got out of a Chair.
Ura.
Run you Doll,
and bring him in here; and get you gone,
Freeman, you
know your end.
Freem.
I warrant I’ll rememb0er it with a Vengeance.
Esq; Wouldbe.
makes a Curtchy, goes up to her.Your Servant, sweet
Mrs. Strawberry,
am not I a pretty Gentlewoman? Now tum dive I a Buss.
Ura.
Fie Sir, what do you mean,
you know there’s always Capitulation before
a Surrender; you must promise Constancy, Secrecy, and a
thousand other things
beside, before we come to the main point.
Esq; Wouldbe.
Heark you dear Child, is this a
place to make Conditions in?
What a Devil made you bring me into the Kitchin, your Chamber had
been a
properer place for what we have to say and do?
Ura.
Ai, but to have sent you up
alone, or carried you up directly, might
have given cause of suspicion to my Servants, which now I
avoid by taking you
from hence.
Esq; Wouldbe.
Let’s lose no time, dear Child, but go where Love and Beauty calls.
Aside.I Gad, that was a high touch if it passes for my own.
To her. Come, come, do not
delay my Bliss, your House begins to fill; and
we may lose this blessed Opportunity.
Ura.
Well, come then, but you must be sure to be very Civil.
Esq. W.
Ay, ay, as Civil as you desire.
Voice. Freeman within aloud.
Freem.
A Man, say you, in Womens
Cloths with my Wife? D―― him,
give me my Sword, I’ll stick him to the Wall.
Ura.
O Heavens what will you do, your betray’d!
great signs of fear.
Squire Wouldbe[Speaker label not present in original source]
Sw――s what shall I do? here’s ne’er a Hole to
creep in, as I see, that will
hide a Mouse.
Freem.
within.Here, Sirrah, charge
this Pistol for me whilst I charge the
other, perhaps he’s arm’d for a Surprize; but I’ll Maul the Dog,
I’ll lay his Letchery
for him I warrant him.
Ura.
seeming in a great fright.You’re a dead Man if you do not do something
presently.
Here, here, get into the Cystern, there is as it
happens but very little Water
in it.
Esq; W.
Ah Lord, any where so I may but save
my dear Life; well this is a
Judgment upon me for coveting my Neighbour’s Wife, if I had been at home
with my own, I need not have feared any body.
Freem.
What have you done with
your Metamorphos’d Gallant, produce him
you’d best, for if he escape my Fury you shall feel it, you
Jezebel you.
Ura.
What is’t you mean, are you
mad to make me and your self ridiculous?
I know of never a Gallant that I have, if you do you had best
find him out;
Who is it puts these Crotchets in your Crown? you never had
reason to believe
ill of me, and why should you hearken to every Fool’s Tale?
Freem.
Why, had not you a Man with you in Womens Cloths?
Ura.
I have had no body with me
but my Midwife, and if you had come
sooner you might have examined if you pleased.
Freem.
Indeed
Urania, I am too blame to suspect you
upon every idle story;
but I was told that Esq; Wouldbe was with you in
Womens Cloths; pray forgive
my Passion.
Ura.
Indeed you are unkind, but I can forgive you more than this.
Freem.
Have an Eye to the Bar, for I am sent for out, but will not stay.
Esq; Wouldbe.
Is he gone? I’m almost drowned,
the Water’s come in ever
since I’ve been here.
Ura.
He is, you may venture forth.
Aside.
Pray Heaven I hold from laughing.
Esq; Wouldbe.
What shall I do, I shall catch
my death, with all these wet
Cloths about me?
Ura.
Here, take this Key, and go
up to the Star, there’s a Bed provided for
you, and as soon as I can secure my Husband I’ll come to you.
Esq; W.
Dear, kind, charming Creature, how
you revive me? but are you sure
he’s gone now, and the coast clear, for ’tis impossible I
can take Sanctuary in
the same place again, for by this time ’tis full of Water.
Ura.
You’ll have no more
occasion, I hope, but if you should, I think you
must hide there in the Feather-Tub; pointing to a Feather-Tub.
Esq; W.
I wish I had seen that before t’would have saved me a Ducking.
Ura.
Alas, I forgot it in my
fright, but had best be gone for fear of a
Surprize again.
and jumps into the Feather-Tub, and says,
Squire Wouldbe[Speaker label not present in original source]
Ay Lord, he’s here again.
Ura.
This was such an unexpected
Jest, I shall burst with Laughing.
She goes to him. ’Tis
only your fear, here’s no body coming, my Husband’s
gone out, and will not return this hour.
Esq; W.
comes out all over Feathers.For the Lord’s sake don’t let me
stay here
I shall be frighted out my wits.
Ura.
Go as soon as you please,
lock your self in, and put the Key under the
Door against I come.
Esq; W.
See, see, is there no body stirring?
Ura.
Not a Mouse, go make haste.
Freeman[Speaker label not present in original source]
So I think I have had my Jest too to make him go into the Feather-Tub.
Ura.
You heard me mention it, did you?
Freem.
Yes, and I knew his fear
would make him take to it upon the least
noise; are all things in readiness above?
Ura.
Ay, never fear, let me alone for Mischief.
The end of the Second Act.
Act III.
Scene I.
Scene draws, discovers Esq; Wouldbe undressing himself to go to Bed.Wouldbe.
My
fright’s amost over, but I’m plaguy Wet and Cold, P――
confound the Cuckold.
Going towards the Bed with the
Candle in his Hand falls in at
a Trap Door up to his Neck, and puts his Candle out.
Hey! what the Devil’s come to me now; am I going quick to Hell?
Enter two Devils, with Torches, and point
at him.
Help! help! will no body come to my rescue? the Devil’s come for me
indeed.
seizing him, he crys out and shews great signs of fear after the Dance; two more
enters and sings.
Devil.
Say Brother Divel say, what must be done,
With this wicked Mortal, whose Glass is now run,
Wee’ll dip him in Styx to abate his hot Lust,
Then headlong to Hell we the Letcher will thrust,
Wee’ll laugh at his Torments and jest at his Groans,
The Horns he design’d he shall feel in his Bones.
Let’s away with him then to great Pluto our King,
Who expects before this the lewd Victim wee’ll bring.
Freem.
So I think we have
sufficiently frighted the Fool, but what hast ordered
them to do with him now?
Ura.
To carry him home just in the pickle he’s in to his Wife.
Freem.
Sure the Coxcomb will never venture hither again?
Ura.
If he do, my next Revenge shall be more home.
Freem.
I would at any time lose
a Nights sleep for so much sport: ’Tis time
to raise the rest of the Family, and then try to get a little sleep.
Ura.
With all my heart, my Head akes a Laughing.
Scene II.
Mr. Lovewell knocks at a Door, Enter Servant.Love.
Is Sir Roger Marwood within?
Servant.
Yes Sir, I’ll acquaint him you are here, if you please to walk in.
Love.
Sir
Roger, your Servant, you’re an early riser I see; I thought I had
been time enough to your levee?
Sir Roger.
That you
might have been, had not Sir Charles
Frankford sent in
great haste to speak with me; for early rising is not a
fault I am often guilty of.
Love.
You are very happy,
Sir Roger, to have so
free access where so much
Beauty is your daily Entertainment; how is it possible to
defend your Heart
from so many Charms the lovely Charlot, they say,
is Mistress of. But is she so
beautiful as the Town reports? for I never saw her.
Sir Rog.
She is
indeed beyong Imagination, but of so strange and
fantastical
a Humour no one can please her; you have more right to pretend
to her Favours
than I; for she so much declares against a Man of an
Estate, I dare not
think of Addressing.
Love.
That can be only an
extravagant way of Talking, she cannot think an
Estate, where ’tis but an Embellishment to both Qualifications,
a Fault.
Sir Rog.
Sir Charles indeed is of
your opinion, but I am much mistaken if he
does not quickly find it, the real Sentiments of her Heart; for
last Night we
heard she and Madam Juliana, her Cozen,
discoursing in the Garden; she talkt
of Love and some design she had in hand to day, she fear’d
being crost in, but
what that was Heaven knows.
Love.
aside.Hah, this
absolutely confirms me, ’tis real, I am impatient till
I see
her, well Sir Roger, I’ll take my leave of you, I
hinder your intended visit.
Sir Rog.
I must
confess, I am very eager to see
Sir Charles in hopes to hear
more of his Sister’s design.
Love.
Shall I see you any where in the Evening, Sir Roger?
Sir Rog.
With all my heart.
Love.
Where?
Sir Rog.
I shall be at Lockets from 8 to 10 or later.
Love.
I will, if possible, wait on you there.
Scene III.
St. James’s Park. Enter Charlot and Juliana Maskt.Jul.
I see you’ll really meet him then?
Char.
Ay, and marry him too, if he has Courage enough to venture on me.
Jul.
’Tis a strange
Resolution, Heaven send you may never have reason to
repent it; think well, my Dear, what you do, consider it is irrevocable.
Char.
Prithee forbear; Thy
serious Notions almost spoil my design; but
know my Juliana, I have given him my Heart, and will
my Person, for I passionately
love him.
Jul.
I wish him worthy of his
happy Fortune; the time draws near; does not
your Heart go a pit a pat?
Char.
Yes, for fear he’ll not come.
Jul.
looking out.That care
is at an end, prepare for the Combat, for yonder
comes your Antagonist.
Char.
’Tis he indeed, my Courage
almost fails me, but ’tis too late to retreat;
I’ll stand the brunt let what will be the event.
and gives him her Hand, which he kisses.
Love.
If the whole Piece prove as
beautiful as this Sample, I find I’m undone
already; come unmask, dear Madam, and kill me quite.
Jul.
Not to shew a better Face, but better Nature; I’ll give her my Sample.
Love.
’Twas kindly said and
done.
To Char. But I gad Madam, if you mean to
preserve the Conquest of my
Heart intirely to your self, you’d best put by that cloud, for
there are dangerous
Eyes.
Jul.
She’ll soon reduce the
Rebel to his Obedience, convince him of the
Truth, by shewing him a Prospect of that Heaven which is
alloted for him.
Char.
No, I’ll leave it to his
Imagination, which perhaps may be to my advantage;
and if you have Courage enough to venture on me as you
see me, here’s
my Hand and Heart, and all that’s mine to be intirely yours.
Love.
’Tis a large Proffer; but
I’m for none of Fortune’s blind Bargains, come
upon the square, dear Lady, and I am for you; I ever had an
aversion to a
Vizu-Mask, it shall be one of my Articles, that from this day
Forward you shall
never wear one.
Char.
With all my heart,
conditionally that this day the only one in which
I must reign, I may wear it at pleasure.
Love.
After you have discovered
that Face which is to charm me out of my
Liberty, I’ll agree to all you desire.
Char.
pulling off her Mask.As
you’re a Man of Honour, stand to your word,
for now I claim you as my own.
Love.
eagerly kissing her Hand.By Heavens, an Angel! dear charming
Creature,
dispose of your happy Slave for ever; I am now no more the
cautious illnatur’d
Fellow, I have been all this time; I am all o’er Love and
Rapture, come
lovely Creature, lets away to Church, where I may make you mine
without
danger of ever losing you.
Char.
Laughing.Mercy on me!
what an Alteration’s here! from whence proceeds
this mighty Change?
Love.
Could you expect less from
that betwitching Face, enough to tempt
Diogenes
from his Tub, and make that surly Stoick, turn Epicure;
Heaven never
made such dazzling Beauty but to do Miracles, I’m now Love’s
Convert.
Aside. So I find
I’m a Woman’s Ass already; I am dowright damnably in
Love, and will through this Matrimonial Gulph, if I perish in
the attempt.
Char.
You’re very serious Sir,
pray don’t consider too much, I may chance to
lose a Husband by it.
Love.
I am thinking how very happy
I shall be when the Divine Charlot’s
mine; come dear Madam, I will delay my bliss no longer.
Char.
Ay, for Heavens sake,
let’s away while this Passion lasts, this Violence
will soon be over, and then the Tide will turn.
Love.
It never, never shall, dear charming Angel.
Char.
to Jul.Come Cozen, you must be our Witness.
Jul.
I wish I may be ever so to all that makes you happy.
Scene IV.
Enter Esq; Wouldbe and Dowdy.Esq; W.
Nay, pray dear Bunny, don’t be nangry indeed and indeed; I was taken up by the Watch and carried to the Round house.
Dow.
Yes, yes, a likely matter, and how came you out pray?
Esq; W.
Why the Devil sent
four of his Life-guard, and took me out by
main force.
Dow.
Don’t think to make a Fool
of me, but tell me the truth, you’d best,
you Rebel you; who was it brought you home, they lookt like
Devils indeed;
but how come you in this pickle to come home without your Cloths?
Esq; W.
Aside.What the Devil shall I say
now!
Pauses a little.
Why indeed Bunny I cannot tell, for I was damnable Drunk, and did
not know
I was in the Round-house till I wakt this Morning and found my
self there:
Pray Bunny fordgive I, as true as I am God Almighty’s Child, I won’t
do so no
more.
Dow.
Get you gone, you Fool, and
don’t make you self such an Ass; you
are like to wear your old Cloths till Easter, for
you shall have no new ones.
Esq; W.
Nay, pray Bunny now don’t be so nangry; indeed I do love Bunny.
Dow.
You have such a way with you; well, come then, but will you be good?
Esq; W.
I will indeed Bunny, go
and bid the Maid warm my Bed, for I am
very weary with my last Nights Loging; if any body comes to
speak with
me, let me not be disturbed.
Dow.
I will my Dear, poor Wretch,
I’ll go and make you some Butter’d-
Ale too.
Esq; W.
Ay do, so I have
appeas’d one Fool; I’m damn’d Mad at this Disappointment,
if I thought Urania had a hand in it, I’d
be revenged of her, by
Publishing to the Town I had lain with her; I did verily believe
the Devil had
run away with me, till I discover’d one of them to be
Ben the Drawer; ’twas
certainly a Contrivance of Freeman’s, I’ll return it
to him with the honourable
Badge of a pair of Horns. I’ll sleep three or four Hours, and
then write to her
for another Appointment, I doubt not but the kind Soul is willing.
Scene V.
Enter Lovewell, Charlot, and Juliana, at the Blew Posts in the Haymarket.Love.
Now, my dear
Charlot, that I can call you mine; how
much I prize
the Blessing you shall find by the great Value I shall
set on you.
Char.
You are wonderous Devout,
but ’twill ne’er last long: The sawcy
Name of Husband will in short time claim its Lawful
Authority. But pray
Mr. Lovewell, hasten Dinner.
Jul.
’Tis here you are always happy; you can but wish and have.
Love.
Come, Ladies, fall to, if
you have any Appetite; I must restrain
mine, though Grace is said.
Char.
If you have any to what’s
here lets sit ―― Remember this is my
Day of Power; and being the last that I must Reign, you must
expect me to be
very tyrannical.
Jul.
All Happiness to you both, and may it ever continue.
Char.
As much to dear Juliana in the Man she loves.
Love.
Success and Happiness
attend us all. What think you of a Song, Ladies,
’twill give us time to eat.
Char.
With all my Heart.
Love.
Call in the Musick there? Exit Waiter Enters with Musick. To the Musick. Come, pray oblige us with a Song.
A Dialogue by a Man and Woman.
Woman.
And askt how I your Flame approv’d;
Of Love and Flames I’ve heard ’tis true,
Yet never till it came from you.
But I would know what ’tis so call’d,
Before my Heart in’t be involv’d.
Man.
A pleasing Pain, and Joy refin’d.
Life is a dull insipid Thing,
Where Love its Blessing does not bring.
The Gods themselves, who Joys dispence,
Have felt its mighty influence.
Woman.
I strive in vain to keep my Freedom here.
Man.
A Glory I’d not change to move
The brightest Star in all the Orb above.
Woman.
My Heart and Freedom I’ll give up to you.
Man.
As I to Love and Thee unfaithful prove.
In Love and in Pleasure we’ll pass all our Nights,
And each day we’ll revel with some new Delights.
Thus we’ll Live and Love on, till together we Die;
And in each other Arms to Elizium will fly.
Char.
Now,
Mr. Lovewell, you must
give my Cozen and I permission to
leave you for a little time, to go to the Exchange to provide
some Necessaries;
and because I will not leave you idle, pray take Pains to tell
that Purse of Gold.
Love.
Since it must be so,
what you please. But I hope you will not make
it long before you return.
Char.
You shall not stay for us half an Hour.
Love.
Where will you go when you come back?
Char.
We’ll discourse of that
when we meet again; farewell. Come
Cozen.
Lovewell[Speaker label not present in original source]
Five hundred Pieces; a pretty Sum, and not unwelcome
at this time. I Gad
I was a very lucky Fellow to have a pretty rich young Lady thus
thrown into
my Arms, just in the Ebb of my Fortune.
Wait.
Here’s a Note, Sir, left for you at the Bar, as they went out.
Love.
Ha! What should be the
meaning of this!
Opens, and reads.
――Dispose of your self as your Humour serves you,
when you have
done with the Employment I left you; for you will meet at this
time with no
other Entertainment from your Bride.
Death, Hell, and Furies! what can this mean! Am I
thus Jilted at last by
some lewd Woman! O Sot! that I could think one of
Charlot’s Birth and Fortune
would marry at that wild Rate. She only took up that Name to
gull the
easy Coxcomb, unthinkful Fool; I could curse my self, her,
the Sex, and all
the World. What shall I do, O dear damn’d Impostor! By Heaven
I love her
so, I can scarce repent I have made her mine; were she but
Honest, which
much I fear, I would not change her for the Worlds Empress. But
why do I
flatter thus a senseless Passion? This Toad, for ought I
know, a leud Prostitute,
who only has drawn me in to go to Goal for her. O there it is! Some
false fair Devil, forsaken by her Keeper, that wanted only a
Husband for that
use, or else to Father some Body’s Child: But however, she
is no very poor
Whore.
But this is no Place to Expostulate in. Here Drawer.
Drawer.
Did you call, Sir?
Love.
Ay, what’s to pay?
Drawer.
All’s paid, Sir, by the Ladies?
Love.
So that’s some Comfort
still; come chear thy Heart, Lovewell;
all yet
may be well: They’re Jilts of Quality however. I believe it is
e’en some Lady
errant that’s run mad reading of Don Quixot; but hang’t,
jesting is a little Unsavory
at this time. I’ll see if I can find out
Sir Roger Marwood, who may tell
me some Tidings of the true Charlot,
though not of my fair damn’d Devil; O
curse of my Credulity.
Well; since this damn’d Jilt is gone,
I am fairly rid of all the Sex in one.
The end of the Third Act.
Act IV.
Scene I.
Enter Lovewell, and Drawer.Love.
Is Sir Roger Marwood here?
Draw.
Yes, Sir.
Love.
Who’s with him?
Draw.
Only Sir Charles Frankford.
Love.
Tell them
Lovewell desires to know if he may have
admittance to
them.
Draw.
Yes, Sir, I will.
Love.
’S death, what shall I do?
Tell him I’m married, he’ll only laugh at
me, as all the World will do besides. He’s here! Heavens what
shall I say?
Sir Roger.
Why so ceremonious, Mr. Lovewell, to your
Friends? Come,
come in, we are all alone, and shall be glad of a third Person
to make us
Company.
Love.
Mine will be but very
indifferent at this time; for I’m cursedly out of
Humour.
Sir Roger.
I’m sorry for that,
and much more so, if you have any just Occasion;
but come we’ll endeavour to divert you.
Love.
’Twill be ineffectual at
this time.
Aside. Call Drawer.
I’ll follow you, Sir.
Sir Charles.
rises.Mr. Lovewell, your Servant: You’ll pardon me I did not
wait on you. I was writing an Excuse to my Sister, whom I
promised to fetch
home from Kensington this Evenning, but
an unexpected Business is fallen out
which hinders me. You’ll give me leave to make an end.
Love.
Ay, pray
Sir Charles.
To
him. Has Madam Charlot been long out of Town, Sir Charles?
Sir Char.
She went but this
Morning to make a Visit to a Relation we have
there, who she brings home with her; I’m sending my Coach for her, she
would go this Morning into a Hackny.
Love.
Ha! some Hopes still.
Aside.
To
Sir CharCharles. If your Coach goes empty,
pray, Sir Charles, give me leave
to make use of it, for I am obliged to be at
Kensington to Night to mount the
Guard.
Sir Char.
With all my Heart; ’tis at your Service.
Love.
I’ll lose no time then, for fear the Ladies should stay for it.
Sir Char.
I’m sorry to lose
your good Company so soon, but I’m likewise
ingaged. Here, who waits?
Sir Char.
Bid one of my Servants come to me.
Draw.
Yes, Sir.
Sir Char.
Here, give this Letter
to the Coach-man, and bid him carry it to
my Sister at my Aunt Treaters, and wait on the
Gentleman where he pleases.
Love.
Sir Charles, your Servant.
Sir Roger, yours.
Aside. So now
if I can but get this Letter from the Coach-man, which I
suppose
will be no hard matter to effect, I shall certainly find
whether it be my
Charlot, or no.
Sir Rog.
This
Lovewell’s a pretty Gentleman. I have often
thought he’s in all Circumstances the very Man I have
heard your Sister wish for to meet in a
Husband: But how goes the Business with your fair Cozen
Juliana? I dare believe
she loves you.
Sir Char.
I dare believe so too:
But only as she is a Relation, I fear some
happier
Man is the Subject of her Sight.
Sir Rog.
That you may soon
resolve your self, by discovering your Passion
to your Sister, who knows the deepest Secrets of her Heart.
Sir Char.
’Tis true, I may: But I
so much fear the Discovery will not be
to my Advantage, that I find some Pleasure in being
unresolved, to hope the
best.
Sir Rog.
Take Courage, Sir, and
try: My Life on’t ’tis you, and only you
that takes up all her Thoughts.
Sir Char.
Well, I’ll venture, let
the Event be what it will: But come, Sir,
Roger, we shall out stay our time, ’tis now near
Six, the Hour which we appointed
to be at Whitehall.
Scene II.
Enter Freeman and Urania at several Doors.Ura.
I find there is no getting
rid of this opinionated Blockhead’s sawcy Importunities,
but by exposing him to the whole Town, which I’ll
venture bearing
a Share in to be revenged of him: Hast the Letter Freeman?
Free.
Yes, here it is. I warrant
old Madam Beldam catches at it as greedily
as she would a Client for her Son.
abused so grosly by the Lewdness of her Husband, without (if it is
possible) making you sensible of it; if you will be further informed,
be this Evening at Seven a Clock in St. James’s Park, where you may
be convinced how great a Brute he is to her, by finding him with a
Wench. Your Friend unknown.’”
Ura.
You have adapted it to her
Capacity; but I thought you would have
writ it to Madam Dowdee her self.
Free.
O no; it might have lighted
in the Husband’s Hands, and that would
spoil all: But have you answered his Letter?
Ura.
Yes; and appointed him to be
here at Nine, to come in Boldly, and
call for a Room, and to let me alone with the rest, which
I’d contrive for him.
I warrant him I’ll be as good as my Word; be sure to get some
Cherry Bounce
for them, you know they are all Souls.
Free.
I’ll warrant I’ll have that
shall do their Business for ’em: I’ll put the
Letter into the Penny Post my self.
Ura.
And I’ll go and see the Chamber prepared for him.
Scene III.
Enter Charlot, Juliana, Bellasira, with a Servant.Char.
A Gentleman say you come
in my Brother’s Coach with a Letter
for me?
Serv.
Yes, Madam.
Char.
Do you know his Name?
Serv.
Yes, Madam, ’tis I think Mr. Lovewell.
Char.
Go tell him I’ll wait on him
presently.
Exit Serv.
Now, my dear Girl, you must assist me, or all my Designs
are crost.
Bell.
What is it you wou’d have us do?
Char.
Come in, and I will tell you.
Serv.
’Please, Sir, to stay one
Moment here, my Lady will come to you
presently.
Love.
Thank you honest Friend. I
have easily compassed the Letter; but
never was poor unfortunate Lover upon a Rack as I am this Minute,
between
Hope and Fear.
Love.
aside. By
Heavens I am lost! It is not my
Charlot. I am so confounded
I know not what to say.
Goes to her, and salutes
her.
Madam, Sir Charles made me so
happy to be the Messenger of this to his fair
Sister, Madame Charlot, whom I presume you are.
Bell.
My name is
Charlot, and Sister to Sir Charles Frankford; but I am amazed
why he should give a Gentleman the trouble his meanest
Servant could have
performed.
Love.
Ruined and lost! Curst,
curst, deluded Fool!
Aside.
Madam, ’twas at my earnest Intreaty to have an Opportunity to
make me
Welcome where I could hope none, but from such an Introducer.
I’m so distracted I know not what I say, or do.
Bell.
You seem disorder’d. Sir, are you not well? Please you to sit?
Love.
No, Madam; I’m taken on the
sudden with a strange Diziness in my
Head, nothing but the Air will do me good. Madam, your most
humble
Servant.
Bell.
So this is but one part
over, the greatest yet remains behind: I’ll in and
dispatch this Letter after him.
Dow.
I don’t care, I will tell him
that I will; and I’ll tear his Eyes out, a
Rebel as he is.
Beld.
Nay, pray Daughter be
perswaded, that will make make him be upon the
march; let us go into this St. James’s Park, and
catch him there, and then we’ll
swinge him off both together.
Dow.
But don’t go in that pickle,
Mother; ’twill Disgrace me now I am
a Gentlewoman. Oh, oh, oh! that he should Cuckold me that have been
the
making of him.
Beld.
Have patience, Daughter;
perhaps it a Story laid upon him. I’ll go
home, and put on my best Cloaths, and come presently.
Dow.
Well, I will go and see
whether he is there, or no; but I’ll up for a
Dram of Comfort, for my Spirits are cast quite down.
Scene VIV.
Enter Lovewell reading. “‘If it may be permitted me to hope any thing from the Disorder I see inyou at our last Conversation, I would gladly believe it to my Advantage;
the Sight of you has given me an infinite deal of Disquiet, but
your Absence an insupportable Pain. I conjure you to return to me with all
speed you can, that I may know what Reception my Heart may find with
you, upon whom I have bestowed it unaskt. I demand yours in return, upon
which depends the Felicity of Charlot.’” Lovewell speaks, and sighs.
Lovewell[Speaker label not present in original source]
I would it was in my Power to give.
What has my cursed Fortune reserved me for! Must I ever be
her Sport! I’m
Jilted by a false Charlot, when I
might have had the true one. But that is not
the worst of my Misery; for to compleat it, and make me truly
wretched, I
love this False, Unknown, beyond my Reason, and all
Things. Here she comes,
and I’m more out of Countenance than she’ll pretend to be.
Love.
To answer your Commands,
Madam, I am come; not that I dare
wish any thing from the Hopes you give me here.
Shews the Letter.
Such Blessings does not belong to the unhappy
Lovewell, who serves only for
the Sport of Fortune, and all the World besides.
Bell.
I believe you found nothing
in my Letter, Sir; (tho I must Blush to own
it) but what looks too sincerely to give the least
mistrust it was not real:
Heaven is not truer than that Charlot Loves,
Languishes, and without a grateful
Sense of her unbounded Passion, Dies for you.
Love.
Heaven has not now another Curse in store to make me more unhappy.
Bell.
Is then my Youth and
Fortune so contemptible, that it would only heap
up Miseries upon the Man I love? The generous offer I make you of my
Heart
is not a common Prize; no, my dear Lovewell, she
sighs for I must call you
so, ’tis unacquainted in Love’s wide Labyrinth, and there will
lose its way.
Love.
Forbear, dear Madam, to
distract me with this Angel’s Goodness, I am
not worthy of the least of all this mighty Kindness, I wish
’twere in my power
to give my Heart to her that best deserves it, for none has
so just a Claim as
the
E4v
32
the Divine Charlot. You have treated me with that
Sincerity that ’twould be a
Baseness I never should forgive my self to betray you with
such hopes, (Pardon
the Expression) I cannot justly give; in short Madam,
to my Eternal Confusion
I speak it, I am not a Master of my Inclinations, I
love with all the Ardour
of prevailing Passion, a false ungrateful Woman, and
what renders my
Folly inexcusable, one I know not, nor ever perhaps may see again.
Bell.
And can you be so
unjust to your self, and cruel to me, to scorn my real
Love for a Chimera?
Love.
Express my curst
Misfortune by som gentler term, I beg you that does
not suit with the respect that I will always pay you.
Bell.
If you will still prefer
a base ungrateful Woman before the truest Love
that e’er possest a tender Virgin’s Breast, yet grant me
this one Boon, that I
may always know where to hear of you, I mean, no wrong to your
ingrate, or
to trouble you with the Persecution of my unwelcome Love.
Love.
Be assur’d, dear Madam,
you always shall command me in that and
all things else, that lies within my power.
Bell.
Well Sir, I will not detain you longer in this uneasie Entertainment.
Love.
kisses her Hand.Adieu,
dear Madam, you shall very speedily hear of
the unhappy Lovewell.
Bell.
So I think I have done
pretty well for a young beginner, but I must
give an account of my sucess, that I believe they have heard it all.
Scene V.
St. James’s Park. Enter Beldam and Dowdy, Beldam drest in an old fashion Point Coif, a lac’dMazarene Hood over her Face, an A-la-mode Scarf lac’d round ruffled full behind,
both Mask’d.
Belld.
I wonder how the
Misses, as they call ’em do, that were these Masks,
I never wore one before; I am all in a Sweat with it, how can you
bear yours?
Dow.
Oh, I have learnt to wear one since I was a Gentlewoman.
Beld.
What a World of fine Folks here is, but I don’t see my Son yet?
Dow.
He may be a t’other side, let us go round.
Freem.
So, there’s my Game, to
them. You seem Ladies, to be in search of
some body, can I assist you?
Dow.
You? why, what are you?
Freem.
A Knight Adventurer, to serve all pretty Ladies.
Beld.
What, I warrant you, you take
us for Misses now, because we have got
Masks; but I’d have you to know my Daughter and I are not for your
turn,
we are none of this end of the Town Folks.
Freem.
Pray good angry old
Gentlewoman, I mean no harm, nor do not take
you for any of this end of the Town Ladies; but would perhaps if
you would
accept the Service, help you to a sight of him you come to find.
Dow.
Why, how do you know who we come to find?
Freem.
Know, why I know by the
Stars, not only that, but all your most secret
Thoughts, did you never hear of Partridge?
Beld.
Yes, he that makes
Almanacks, I always buy his, because he Nosticates,
as they call it, what will come to pass.
Freem.
Why, I am he, I can tell you now what you come here for.
Dow.
O Mother! he may tell me perhaps where we may find my Rebel.
Freem.
Ay, that’s a small matter
in my Art, to let you see I perfectly know
your Concerns; you come here expecting to find your Husband with
his Mis,
at Rosamonds Pond.
Beld.
Oh Daughter, this is
certainly Dr. Partridge, and he
can tell this by
Strology; may be he may tell us where to find him.
Dow.
Pray Sir, be so kind if you can.
Freem.
Can, that’s a good one,
why, I’ll carry you to the very House; nay,
the very Room where he is, if you’ll go with me.
Dow.
Your Servant good Sir, I’ll go with all my heart, shan’t us Mother?
Beld.
Yes, if the Learned Doctor
pleases; but will you go with us, good Sir
Doctor?
Freem.
Yes, that I will, to Dowdy lets
see your Hand Lady, looks in her Hand
Hah, you were born under Vulcan, you
must have a care of Horns; I doubt you
have been a little too near his Forge already by your Complexion,
let me see,
you’ll have seven Children, as beautiful and wise as the
Mother, and as honest
and modest as the Father; you’ll be a Widow very speedily,
that is, within these
five or six Years, next Husband shall keep a Coach.
Beld.
O good Sir, tell me if I shall live to see that day.
Freem.
Yes, you may, if you spare your Brandy-Bottle a little more than you do.
Beld.
Aside. O
Lord, I see he knows all I do, I wish he does not
find out from
whence I furnish my Daughter’s House with fine Sugar, Spice,
&c. and Candles,
and make Mrs. Lockup the House-keeper be turn’d out
of her place.
Freem.
Well, come Ladies, shall
I conduct you where I promised? I have set a
Spell upon him, that he cannot stir till I come.
Dow.
Ay, come Mother, I long to be at him.
Beld.
My Fingers itch too, I’ll
pull off his Point Cravat again with a Vengeance.
Freem.
Come Ladies, I’ll lead the way.
Scene VI.
Enter Charlot and Juliana at several Doors.Char.
O
Coz, Juliana, I was just seeking; I
have a Secret to discover to you
gives me a great deal of pleasure; my Brother is
passionately in Love, and just
now confest it to me, and has engaged me to be his Advocate,
will not you
assist me?
Jul.
Cruel Charlot, why this to me, do you triumph over my Misfortune?
Char.
Unkind Juliana, to think I would, ’tis you your self has charmed him.
Jul.
I fear ’twas Gratitude, and
not his Choice, made him think on me unfaithful
Creature, to betray to him the dearest Secret of my
Life, and force an
Inclination, perhaps he ne’er had thought of.
Char.
By all that’s good, my Dear,
you wrong me, he own’d it to me with all
the signs of Fear your Heart was prepossest; he ever heard
our late Conversation
in the Garden, and charged me if I knew you would not receive
his Addresses
favourably, never to tell you the least tittle of it; I
gave him so much Incouragement
as to revive his hopes.
Jul.
And so you Discourse ended, did it?
Char.
No, I told him then of my
Marriage, which he was far from being angry
at, but blamed me a little for using of him so; and
promised to forgive me,
upon Condition I would prevail with you to accept his Addresses.
Jul.
You need not doubt
succeeding, my Heart too much pleads for him, to
need another Advocate.
Char.
Lets go my to my Cozen
Bell. I left her with my Brother, and flew
with
all Impatience to bring these happy Tidings.
The end of the Fourth Act.
Act V.
Scene I.
Enter Charlot and Sir Roger Marwood.Sir Rog.
You could not, Madam, have
made a better Choice, for Lovewell
wants not Virtues to make him in all things a compleat Gentleman,
but an Estate, which his Elder Brother was born to, and he
best deserves;
but why will you use him thus, Madam?
Char.
Only to find which he has most Esteem for, my Person or Estate.
Sir Rog.
That was a Trial to be
made before, and not now; when ’tis not
in your power to revoke what you have done.
Char.
’Tis, I own, a foolish
Curiosity; but pray Sir
Roger, no more Objections,
but if you will oblige me, do as I desire.
Sir Rog.
Well, Madam, I will, upon
two Conditions; first; That you use
your Interest with your pretty Cozen, you have brought to Town
with you, to
accept the Prize she has made of my Heart; and secondly, To
put poor Mr. Lovewell
out of his pain to Night, by discovering his
Happiness to him.
Char.
I engage my Honour for both,
do but as I desire for two or three
Hours, and after I’ll be guided by you.
Sir Rog.
I’ll obey you, Madam, but remember the Conditions.
Char.
What have you done with my Brother?
Bell.
My Aunt is entertaining him
with Politicks, which we thought we had
but little concern in; so have left them to settle the Nation,
whilst I come to
settle my Heart; but I find you
have disposed of him whose hands I did design
to put it in: Prithee what hast done with him, I shall grow
monstrous jealous,
if you do not give a very good account of him?
Char.
Hey day! what are you in
Love too! Sure the little God will empty
his Quiver in our Family, for never was such a Company of Loving
Souls?
Jul.
You see ’tis dangerous
jesting with edge Tools; You cannot,
Charlot,
but in honour assist her, for ’twas you that screw’d her
up to a Love Key.
Char.
I am glad to find her so
inclin’d, for Sir Roger just now
engaged me to
be his Intercessor.
Bell.
You’ll find it no hard task
to perswade me to a good Opinion of him;
but have you engaged him in your Affair?
Char.
Yes, he is gone about it;
but I have yet another part for you, and then
I’ll undeceive him.
Bell.
I’ll do any thing you’d
have me promise, but that; for I’ll swear I am
in pain for him.
Char.
I do sincerely promise
you I will, I wait but for
Sir Roger’s return, and then
you shall know my farther design; come let’s now in and
release my Brother.
Love.
Sir Roger, your most humble Servant,
you are the only Man that now
is only welcome to me; how can you have so much Goodness to
throw away
a Thought on one so wretched?
Sir Rog.
I ne’er forsake my
Friends in their distress, I wish I could bring
comfort
to your trouble; all I can say, is, still to hope the
best; a day or two may
perhaps unriddle the Mystery, and you may yet be happy. But
come, Mr. Lovewell,
you must go out with me, I will not leave you
alone to your melancholy
Thoughts.
Love.
I am at your Service, dispose of me as you please.
Sir Rog.
Are you ready?
Love.
Always to wait on you.
Sir Rog.
aside.It
goes against my nature to betray this Man, though ’tis but
in a Jest; here are the Rascals coming.
They seize Lovewell’s Sword before he sees them.
Sir Rog.
Hah! what mean you Hell-hounds?
First Bayliff.
No harm to you,
Sir, Mr. Lovewell? I
Arrest you at the Suit of
Alderman Saintly in an Action of 10000 l.
Love.
I never heard of such a Name.
Second Bayliff.
I suppose, Sir, your Lady does.
Love.
Oh does she so, Hell
confound her for it; nay, Hands off, I’ll follow
you upon my Honour, where e’er you’ll carry me.
First Bayliff.
Will you not send for Bail, Sir?
Love.
No Sir, I’ll directly to the Goal where I must lie.
Sir Rog.
Will not my Bail be accepted? I’ll willingly engage for one.
Love.
By no means,
Sir Roger, I will not involve my
Friends in my Misfortunes;
they must e’n take my Body for the Debt; for I am not
worth it no way
else.
Sir Rog.
I’ll strait away to this Alderman Saintly, and see what’s to be done.
Love.
Farewel Sir, you’ll find me
at the Gate-House; come Sirs,
conduct me
where you will, I’ll tamely follow; I think the Mystery is now
disclos’d with a
Vengeance.
Sir Char.
Why should you delay
my Happiness, dear Cozen, for the Punctilio
of formal Courtship; I have long lov’d you, let that attone
for it; and if my
Sister does not flatter me, you do not hate me.
Jul.
What would the World, and
you your self think of me, to catch at your
first Proffer, as if I fear’d you would recant?
Smiling. I dare trust your
Constancy, and stay till ’tis convenient.
Sir Char.
To the World you may
very well answer your Conduct; for it is
but confirming the Reports which have been often of it, being so
designed for me,
’tis what I beg of you; and what time’s more convenient than now,
at the consummating
my Sisters Wedding?
Jul.
Upon this condition, that
you can oblige Sir Roger and my
Cozen Bell.
to marry at the same time I’ll promise you.
Sir Char.
Do you dispose her
to it? I’ll warrant him, for his is passionately in
Love with her; what say you Cozen, will you obstruct my
Bliss? for now it
alone depends on you.
Bell.
You know, Sir Charles, you may dispose of me, who are my Guardian.
Char.
Now for some news from enchanted my Esquire. She takes Sir Rog. aside.
Sir Rog.
’Tis done as you
commanded; but ’tis well if you do not repent it,
for I left him in a desperate Humour.
Char.
Good Heaven forbid!
Sir Roger, pray wait on my Cozen
Bell. to him,
but do not you appear; by that time she has done, we’ll all be
there, to Bell.
you have my full Directions.
Sir Char.
Indeed, Sister, you
have gone too far, in thus imprisoning a Man
who shortly must command you. What is it you Design now? If
you play
him any further Pranks I’ll betray you to him.
Char.
I will not; I have only
sent my Cozen Bell. to once more
try him;
after which, I, and Sir Roger, will go to
him. You, and my Cozens, shall be
in hearing; and when you find we come to any Agreement, then come in.
Sir Char.
Suppose he takes Cozen Bell. at her Word, what think you then?
Char.
Think! why, I shall think
him a Man: But if he can resist the Temptation,
an Angel.
Sir Char.
Come, let us go. I’m very impatient to see him disabused.
Turnkey.
Sir, here is a
Gentlewoman desires to speak with you; Shall I let
her in?
Love.
A Gentlewoman! Ay, pray
conduct her in; this is a pretty Place to
entertain Ladies in, but ’tis her own seeking; Who should it
be? my fair Devil
of a Wife perhaps!
Love.
This is indeed amazing
Goodness! How could you think of a lost
Wretch, dear Madam, forsook by all the World?
Bell.
Not all you see, no my
dear Lovewell, I never will forsake you, but
constantly
attend your Fortunes; mine cannot be favourable whilst
yours are adverse;
would you but make mine yours, as I will always
espouse your Concerns,
there should not be a Joy possest by
Charlot, but what should be her
Lovewells,
and all his Griefs be hers.
Love.
Your Generosity confounds
me, I must not add so much to that vast
heap of Favours I stand indebted to you for; I’m incapable any
way to make
the least return.
Bell.
Is it so hard to Love? I have Youth and Fortune, is that no Charm?
Love.
Your Person is infinitely
charming, and that more than Angel’s Goodness,
not to be resisted; but know, dear Madam, sighs. since I must
tell you,
to justifie my self from that Ingratitude you justly might
reproach me with;
I am, to my Destruction Married, Married, dear Lady; that’s the
curst cause of
all my Misery.
Bell.
Then I am lost indeed, a
fatal Moment that I saw you first; why were
we born to be both unhappy?
Love.
I could, dear Madam, for
ever be blest with you, but would not
wrong your Goodness to involve you in my wretched ruin.
Bell.
This is meer excuse: But
for all your Cruelty to me, I’ll free you from
this uncomfortable place, and if you’ll still persist in
your Ingratitude, expect the
Curse that follows that base Sin of never being happy.
Love.
For Heavens sake, dear
Madam, stay and hear me speak.
Following her to the Door.
He returns. She’s gone, and
much I fear, will keep her word; had I but
known her before I was bewitcht by that damn’d Sorceress, how
happy might
we both have been? But I’ll no longer cavil with my Fate, but by a
tame Submission
to it baffle its utmost Malice.
Love.
Hah! What do I see!
S’death ’tis the dear Devil her self; now shall I
play the Fool and be again deluded, for I find I have not power to
be heartily
angry at her. But how came he with her?
Char.
You seem surpris’d, Sir, I fear my sight offends you.
Love.
I wish it ne’er had
pleas’d me, sighs false Woman, of all
the Coxcombs
that this Town abounds with, Why was I cull’d out to be your
Property! but tell
me if thou hast so much Grace left to once speak Truth, how
came he with you?
Sir Rog.
As a kind Friend should
do to release thee of thy pains, and take them
on my self; I love this Lady with all the Blindness which
attends that Passion,
marry her at any rate, and Sacrifice the World to give my self
that Satisfaction.
She has prudently consider’d your equal want of Fortunes will
but make you both
miserable.
Char.
Therefore if you’ll
consent to make void our Marriage, you shall this
minute be releas’d from this place, if not, stay till
Necessity compels you.
Love.
Treacherous Man, how could
you call me Friend, and thus basely betray
me?
Char.
Well, what say you, Sir?
Love.
Hell confound you both; no,
I’ll still keep thee to be reveng’d of thee,
and plague thee for the Wrongs thou hast done me, ungrateful
Creature, to torture
thus a Man thou knowest lov’d thee from the first Moment
he see that
damn’d bewitching Face; wer’t but honest, I could love thee
still; but I will tear
thee from my Heart and never think of thee again,
sighs if possible; she
weeps ah stop those Crocodiles Tears, for though I
know them to be so, they
pierce me to the Soul.
Char.
Can you forgive me, Sir? for
all this usage I long have lov’d you, which
made me resolve some way or other to Marry you; how I effected
it, I need
not tell you, I had no sooner done it but I repented, believing
justly you would
be provoked to use me ill, when once you found I had only
borrow’d the name
of Charlot, this made me fly your anger.
Love.
And to secure your self,
secured me. Hah! was it so? I thank you
kind Wife, indeed ’twas wonderous Love.
Char.
Pray hear me out.
Sir Roger here, who has long
solicited me to his
unlawful Love, presuming on the Scantiness of my Fortune, when
he found all
other ways ineffectual to obtain me,
proffered to marry me; which I likewise
refused, acquainting him withal of my Marriage with you, which
made him
clap this Action on you, to drive you to the Choice of either
renouncing me, or
else to keep you here.
Love.
Oh Heavens! that ever such
a Piece of Villany should harbour in that
Heart I always thought was Noble: How could you call me Friend, and
thus
betray me?
Rog.
aside.She makes me appear a
pretty Rogue, that’s the truth of it; but I
must let her run on. You know,
Mr. Lovewell, Love and
Friendship are not
compatible, where the Object of it is adored by both.
Love.
Then art thou Honest? Come
swear and damn thy self, you know I
am credulous, and shall believe you.
Char.
By Heavens, and all that is
Sacred, I am chast; and love thee at that
extravagant Rate, I’d quit a Throne to dwell with thee in Chains,
Oh my dear
Lovewell, could you meet mine with an equal
Passion, how happy might we be!
Love.
Yes, in some Country,
where we could live by Air and Love; for I
know not how we shall maintain a costlier Diet.
Char.
Providence will not let us
starve, we must trust to that; I ask you nothing
but your Love, I will maintain my self.
Char.
Indeed you wrong my Virtue,
I’m truly honest, and would not injure
you, though in a thought to gain the World; Forgive what’s past,
and take me
to your bosom.
Love.
holds her in his Arms.Heaven knows how willingly I
could, yes, I could
love thee, doat on thee, and be thy Fool.
Puts her from
him. Stand off, vain easie Ass; what am I doing, trapanning of
my self again?
Char.
You shall not throw me
from ye, I’ll follow thus, hangs on him and
never will forsake you; and here I swear I will not leave this
place, till you
conduct me hence.
Love.
May I believe you serious?
Char.
You must, you shall; I
ever will be yours, with as much Truth as ever
Turtle lov’d her dearest Mate.
Love.
Well, I will live with thee,
for Heaven knows I Love thee; and though
you have used me thus, will always use you well.
Sir Rog.
Smiling.So, Madam, I see I’m quite forsaken.
Sir Char.
Here are more
Witnesses to your bargain,
Mr. Lovewell, than you
are aware of; But methinks, my new Brother,
you might have askt me leave.
Love.
O, Sir, do not triumph over
the Easiness of a deluded Man; I humbly
ask your Pardon for the Wrong I did design in marrying this
fair Imposter,
whom I did indeed believe your Sister; my love for her
transported me beyond
all thoughts of what I ow’d you.
Sir Charles Frankford[Speaker label not present in original source]
Here, Lovewell, take her; for my
sake use her well: I’ll leave it to her to
justify her Procedure to you. But upon my Honour she is my
only Sister,
the rich Heiress, Charlot, whom you first
believ’d.
Love.
The happy sequel does
indeed make a large amends for all I have suffered:
But are you sure we do not Dream? for I am so
accustomed to Misfortunes
I cannot yet believe them real.
Char.
But you were not so
diffident, Mr. Lovewell,
before my Estate was
added by my Brother’s Discovery.
Love.
An Estate to one in my
Circumstances is no unwelcome Addition:
But be assured, dear Madam, from the Sincerity I ever used to
you, ’tis the least
Part of my Joy; but I have, by my knowledge who you are, an
unquestioned
proof of your Virtue, and Sir Roger’s being
still my Friend.
Sir Rog.
And so you shall always
find me.
To Bell.
For here’s my Pretensions.
Bell.
Do you think,
Sir Roger, I can so soon
disingage aside my Heart
from cruel Mr. Lovewell?
Love.
Fair cruel Lady! how could
you torture so a wretched Man not then
himself, with a pretended Love that gave me more disquiet than
my own
Troubles? But I am now all Joy, and will unaskt, forgive the World
and Fortune
for all past Injuries; now my dear
Charlot’s mine, Heaven has not
another
Blessing left that I think worth the asking.
Char.
You are wonderous Zealous now, pray Heaven it lasts.
Love.
It must, it ever
shall. How can you distrust my love, who have
given
you such evident Proofs of it?
Sir Rog.
Since Heaven is in this
bounteous Humour of dispencing Blessings,
why should it be only a niggard to me, and make me only a dull
Spectator of
your Happiness? Say; will not you join with me in my Suit to
your fair Cozen
here?
Sir Char.
She is my Charge, which
here I resign to you. I know she’ll be
guided by my Advice; Gives her to Sir Roger, and
now Cozen Juliana I
claim your Promise.
Jul.
Methinks you might stay
till to Morrow, ’tis time enough, considering
how long it is to last.
Sir Char.
No, we’ll not trust
the Treachery of another Day; Fortune is
fickle, and may Frown to Morrow.
Jul.
Well then here’s my Hand,
From this Day forward, for
better for
worse, &c.
Bell.
What think you of those
Words, Sir Roger, do
they not make you
tremble?
Sir Rog.
Yes, for fear of some
fatal Interruption before they come to be pronounced.
Sir Char.
Let’s lose no time
then; I have a Friend will quickly dispatch the
Ceremony.
Ura.
Well, Doll, what have you done with the ’Squire?
Doll.
As you commanded, Madam,
conducted him to your Chamber, with
charge not to speak but in a Whisper; and because I’d be
sure he should discover
nothing by his Candle, I took it away with me, for fear I told
him it might
be seen at Windows, which might occasion a Suspition; not
being a Room in
use, he readily consented; and said, he could find the way
to Bed by dark, and
slipt a Crown into my Hand to secure my Master not coming up.
Free.
So ’tis well, there remains
no more now; the House fills a Pace, but
the Company I design to entertain with this Jest is
Sir Charles Frankford, and
Sir Roger Marwood, who have just sent to
bespeak a Supper here. I’m sure they
bring Company with ’em, they have ordered such a noble one; we
had best
take Orders for it, and then we shall have time to entertain them.
Freeman and Urania.
Ura.
I’ve used all Methods to
restrain his Folly, by shewing all the Scorn
a virtuous Woman could to a dishonest Love; that but
increased his Persecutions
till I was weary of being Angry. I thought, by
counterfeiting to return
his Kindness, which his Vanity easily induced him to believe,
I might draw him
into some Snare to betray his lewd Intentions to the World,
without the hazard
of my own Reputation, which is generally sacrificed to the
Malice of a disappointed
Coxcomb. And to perfect my Revenge, I have contrived to
let his
Wife be witness to’t, and so leave the Fool to her
punishing, which he’ll find
Plague enough.
Free.
Call in
Doll, and let’s begin the Farce.
Enter Doll.
Come, Doll, to your Post.
Aloud. Where’s your Mistress,
Doll?
Doll squeaks.
Ha! what are you frighted at?
Doll.
Nothing, Sir, but I was almost Asleep, and you surprized me.
Free.
That will not serve your
turn, Mistress. What do you guard this
Door so close for, is any Body in that Chamber?
Doll.
In this Chamber, Sir, no; who should be here?
Free.
Where is your Mistress, I say?
Doll.
My Mistress, Sir; in her Chamber not well, and gone to Bed.
Free.
No, but she is not; for,
missing her, I have been to seek her, not
only there, but in all the Rooms in the House, except this. Pray
deliver the
Key, without more Fooling; for I will see what you keep Century
for.
So by this time I suppose the Fool is
frighted enough.
Aloud. Deliver it me, I say,
you had best.
Doll.
Pray, Sir, don’t fright me so, there it is.
Freeman[Speaker label not present in original source]
That shall not serve your Turn: I’ll fetch you
out of the Chimney here.
Doll, bring my Pistols presently.
’Sq. W.
within.O pray,
Mr. Freeman, spare me this time,
and you shall
never catch me in your House again, nor with your Wife.
Free.
Come down then, or I’ll fetch you, with a Pox to you.
’Sq. W.
O pray, Mr. Freeman, have a little Patience, and I will.
Free.
Nay, nay, no Strugling; I
must shew the Company my Wife’s Gallant.
’Sq. W.
aside.Who the Devil have I been with all this
time?
Here’s Urania, now I find she fools me.
To UraUrania. How
dare you thus expose me; Do not you fear my Revenge?
Ura.
aloud.Not at all; I have
Witnesses enough to prove both your Intentions
and mine: But I have one within you know not of, whom I’ll
fetch to
you.
Free.
Well,
’Squire Wouldbe, I hope,
hereafter you’ll leave my Wife to such
a poor clownish Fellow as my self; you see she does not
understand your
Merit, but thinks me good enough for her.
Sq. W.
aside.I am ashamed of my
self, that’s the truth of it, which makes
me silent.
Sq. W.
My Wife! nay then I’m ruin’d past Redemption.
Aside. How the Devil came
she here? But that she has not Sense enough
for an Intrigue, I should suspect she was as much
mistaken in her Bedfellow as
my self.
Dow.
Have I catcht you, you Rebel
you; I warrant you I’ll do your Errand
to my Mother.
’Sq. W.
Nay, good Bunny, not so fast; pray
let me know first how you
came here a Bed with me.
Dow.
Why, Dr. Partridge conjured me here on purpose to catch you.
’Sq. W.
That’s likely; you and I must come to a Reckoning about it.
Dow.
Reckon me no Reckonings; there the Doctor can tell you as much.
’Sq. W.
This Dr. Partridge!
why, this is Freeman, the Master
of this House.
There is some Trick in this,To Freeman.
I suppose you have been before hand
with me, and given me the Horns, I designed you.
Dow.
What do you mean by Horns? Do you think I’d be a Whore?
Free.
’Faith, ’Squire, no: You may
keep your dainty Bit to your self; when
I have a Mistress it shall be one that will have Wit enough
to conceal what we
do; for o’ my Conscience she’d tell.
Dow.
aside.I can’t imagine how I
came here, to say truth; for I thought
I had been a Bed at home, till that Gentlewoman came and waked me,
and bid
me say what I did.
Ura.
You know,
Esq; Wouldbe, how many Disappointments
I have given you
just in the height of your Expectations, which would never
perswade you was
done in scorn of your lewd Design; this was the only way I
thought would rid
me of your Saucy Importunity. I did believe it very necessary
to let your Wife
be an Eye-Witness of your Faith to her, that she may hereafter
take more than
usual Care to keep her Coxcomb to her self; I will not give
you the Satisfaction
to let you know how I effected it, but if she or her Mother
remembers, they
may, I’ll only add this; There has been no wrong offer’d to her
Honesty,
which you may easily believe, if you consider the Charms of
her Wit and Person.
Char.
I think ’tis great pity they
should not be intirely each others, for they
are the best match’d Pair I ever saw.
Jul.
Indeed,
Urania, you are a Woman of a
singular Virtue, that can resist
the force of that tempting Mein and Air.
Sir Rog.
Faith Sir, you’d better
march off, these Ladies will be too hard for
you else.
Sir Char.
Ay, prithee
Freeman, we have e’n enough of
their Companies, dispose
of them as you please.
’Esq. W.
aside.Gad I’d be reveng’d of her if I live.
Free.
to Esq. W..Well, Sir, you may go if you
please, and take your pretty
Lady with you, your Cloths are in the Bar-room where you may
dress you, there
you have you Dismission from this Company.
Ura.
And what can you leave your
dear Mrs. Honisuckle? tum d’ive I a Buss,
sure you cannot think but I Love you strangly after all this
Proof of my Kindness.
’Esq. W.
aside.P――x C――d ye, I could cry for Madness.
Dow.
Ladies, your Servant; I thank
you for all your Complements, and shall
be very glad to see you at my House, going.
Ura.
Heark ye, pray take your Booby
home with you, and see to keep him
there.
Dow.
I’ll have nothing to say to
him, I’ll go home to my Mother and tell
her.
Sir Char.
Prithee put out the
Coxcomb and bring some Musick with you;
what think you Ladies of a Dance?
Char.
With all our Hearts.
Bell.
You see what constant
Things you Men are to your Vows, I waflawed-reproduction2 characters
this Fellow swore as much Faith and Constancy as any of you can.
Char.
Hang the Poor Animals,
disgrace not so the Race of Men, to compare
him to one; such sensless Wretches are only lumps of Dirt,
not fit for any nobler
Form.
Love.
So here’s the Musick; what shall we Dance? the Brawls?
Char.
No, by no means,
Mr. Lovewell, not on our
Wedding-Day, lest it prove
an ill Omen.
Sir Char.
Come, come; I’ll lead up
if you’ll follow, every one take his Bride.
Freeman, you and your Wife must make a Couple.
Look down great Hymen from Above,
These Pairs preserve in Peace and Love.
May never Jars their Joys molest,
But still a sweet and Halcyon rest
Upon their mutual Bliss attend,
And ev’ry Hour new Pleasures send.
Free.
All Happiness to you all.
Draw.
Supper waits you Gentlemen.
Sir Char.
Come, Ladies, let’s in
and take a short Repast; it grows late, and
time to be at home, where indeed I ought to have given my Wife her
Wedding
Supper, but that the Warning was so short.
Love.
And on that happy Coast I’m thrown
Where all my Joys are laid in store,
Heaven cannot give, nor could I ask one more.
Finis.