Bbbbbbb1r 557

The Actors Names.

Sir William Admirer, and many other Gentlemen.

Lady Peaceable.

Lady Solitary.

Lady Censurer.

Lady Examination.

Lady Bridlehead.

Lady Kindeling.

Lady Gadder.

Lady Faction, and a Matron.

Bbbbbbb The
Bbbbbbb1v 558

The
Comical Hash.

Act I.

Scene 1.

Enter a Company of young Gentlemen, and two or three young
Ladyes, as the Lady Gadder, the Lady Kindeling, and the
Lady Bridlehead.

Kindeling

My Dear Gadder.

Gadder

My sweet Kindeling.

They imbrace and kiss each other.

Gentleman

Faith Ladyes Nature never made women to kiss
each other, and therefore ’tis unnatural, and being unnatural it is unlawfull,
and being unlawfull it ought to be forbiden.

Gadder

Yes, you would have us kiss you men.

Gentleman

No Ladies, we men will kiss you women, if you please to give
us leave.

Bridlehead

You will take leave sometimes.

Gentleman

’Tis when we think we shall not be refus’d, or at least not to
be disfavour’d for it.

The Ladies kiss again.

Gentleman

What, kissing again? faith Ladies you will make us believe by
your often kissing, that you desire we should kiss you, and with that belief
we may run into an error, if it be an error to kiss a fair Lady.

Kindeling

Fye, fye, you men are odd Creatures.

Gentleman

No, you women are odd Creatures, when you are not with
us men.

Kindeling

Preethy Gadder and Bridlehead let us go do something to pass
away our time.

Gadder

What shall we do?

Bridlehead

Let us go to Cards.

Gadder

Faith I have made a Vow not to play for money.

Bridlehead

We will play for Sweet-meats.

Kindeling

No, preethy let us play for a Sack Possit.

Gadder

O no, we will play for Sweet-meats.

Kindeling

I say a Sack Possit.

Gadder

Let the most voices carry it.

Gentleman. Bbbbbbb2r 559

Gentleman

I will speak for the men, we say a Sack Possit, for that will
make us both good Company in the eating the Possit, and after ’tis eaten,
whereas Sweet-meats will make us heavy and dull.

Gadder

Well then let us go play for a Sack Possit.

Bridlehead

Faith a Sack Possit will make me drunk.

Gentleman

You will be the better Company Lady.

Kindeling

Fye Bridlehead, you should not say drunk, but your head giddy.

Gentleman

That is better than to be drunk: for a giddy head hath a light
heel.

Exeunt.

Scene 2.

Enter two Gentlemen.

1 Gent

The Lord Poverty is a gallant Noble person.

2 Gent

They are gallant and Noble that are Rich, and titled
Honour without Means, is like a Body without a Soul.

1 Gent

You are mistaken friend, it is rather a Soul without a Body.

2 Gent

Alas titled Honour without Means to maintain it, is despised.

1 Gent

If the person hath Merit worthy of his titled Honour, that titled
Honour is worthy to be respected and bowed to by all inferiour persons; nay
put the case that Honourable titles are placed upon Unworthy persons, yet
all ought to give respect to those Titles, and to do homage thereunto, though
not unto the Person, yet because it comes from a lawfull and Supreme power;
as Natural rays of light do from the Sun; and those that strive through
envy and through spite, for to Eclipse the light, deserve to be in a perpetual
darkness; so those that do detract from titled Honours, ought never to be
honoured with Titles or respect.

2 Gent

Why, ’tis not only I that have no such titles of Honour that
speaks against them, but those that do possess them, and their fore-fathers
long before them.

1 Gent

They that do so ought to be degraded, as being unworthy to
wear the badge or mark of their fore-fathers Merits, or heroick Acts; for they
do shew they have none of their own; but those that get their own Honours,
by their own Merits and worthy Actions, deserve them best; for
they, like as a clear and glorious day, appear; for oft-times their posterity,
like Clouds begot from gross and drowsie Earth, strive to quench out their
Fathers flaming Honours, and by their Baseness obscure the light of their
fore-fathers great and glorious Fame, and in the end bury themselves in dark
Oblivion, as vanishing to nothing, as being never mentioned nor remembred;
but those that for their loyalty and their fidelity unto their King and Country,
have hazarded lives, and lost their liberties and Estates, and are grown
poor for Honesties sake, and Virtuous causes, yet they in after Ages will live
with great renown; for ’tis not in the power of spite to pull them down; for
the Gods give Fame to Noble Actions, as Kings give titled Honours;
though men that are base will not relieve them, yet Fame will remember
them; and though base men will rail against them, yet Fame will praise
them; and though they dye with Poverty, and should end their lives in a foul Bbbbbbb2 Ditch Bbbbbbb2v 560
Ditch, yet shall that Ditch be honoured by their Death, more than the rich
unworthy man be honoured by his stately Tombs and costly Funerals.

Exeunt.

Scene 3.

Enter the Lady Solitary, and the Lady Examination.

Examination

What’s the matter with you to day Lady Solitary? you
look as if you were in a married humour.

Solitary

Why Lady Examination, what humour is a married humour?

Examination

Why a masse of ill humours mixt or put together; as a
lumpish, dumpish, dull, stupid humour; or a pievish, fretting, pining, whining
humour; or a brawling, yawling, quarrelling, scoulding humour; or
a jealous, suspicious humour; or a fawning, feigning, dissembling humour.

Solitary

If these humours are woven into the marriage knot, I will never
marry, for I would be loth to have the peace of my life strangled in discontent:
for whosoever be subject to these humours can never be happy.

Examination

You will change your mind, and rather live with these humours
than without a Husband; but I am come now to fetch you abroad,
for their is a Company of sociable Ladyes and gallants, that have made a
meeting some league of, where there will be Mirth, Jollity, Plenty and
Pleasure, and they desire you will be sociable for once, and go along
with them.

Solitary

Would you have the Body which is the habitation of the Mind
a wanderer, travelling from place to place, disturbing the mind with unprofitable
journeys?

Examination

No, I would have it remove so as it may always situate it
self in a wholsome, profitable, plentifull, pleasant, and pleasurable place.

Solitary

I perceive you prefer the pleasures of the Body before the delight
of the Mind.

Examination

Why the mind can take no delight without the body; for
the body gives the mind a being and habitation: for there would be no mind
if there were no body, but if there could be a mind without a body, yet the
mind could receive no delight without the pleasure of the body, for the
pleasure of the body is the delight of the mind, and not the delight of the
mind the pleasure of the body, for the mind doth never give nor return;
wherefore come away, and leave your Solitary musing to those whose condition
of fortune denies them the use of the World, and worldly pleasures,
and do not deny your self, for I hate a self-denying Creature.

Solitary

Well, you shall prevail with me for this one time.

Exeunt.
Scene Ccccccc1r 561

Scene 4.

Enter two Gentlemen.

1 Gent

Have you seen Monsieur Thefts Book of Poems that is newly
come forth?

2 Gent

Yes.

1 Gent

And how do you approve of them?

2 Gent

As well as I do of an Anagram.

1 Gent

There is never an Anagram in the Book.

2 Gent

Why the whole Book is an Anagram of Doctor Costives Poems:
for he hath only new placed the words, as they do Anagrams of names, but
the whole matter, sense, and conceits is the same.

1 Gent

Indeed he hath imitated him.

2 Gent

By your favour, imitation is only to be like another, and not the
same: but his is the very same, as I have told you, for which he deserves less
praises than a Imitator, although those that do imitate any Excellent Poet, do
not gain so much honour to themselves, as they give honour to those they
imitate; as for example, the Imitators of Homer give more honour to Homer
than to themselves; for Imitators are only as Painters, where he that is imitated
is as Nature, or the Gods, for the one draws but Copies, the other makes
the Original; so that there is as much difference as a Man, and the Picture of
a man.

1 Gent

But a Painter that draws the Picture of a man, very like the life,
he may be more famous than the man that is drawn.

2 Gent

But not worshiped and adored, as Nature is, that made him: for
Art cannot out-do Nature, nor do as Nature hath done, and doth do; and
an Imitator is but an Artificer, when as the Original Author is a Creator,
and ought to be accounted of, and respected, and worship’d as Divine; but
there are or have been but very few Poets that have such powers and parts to
make a perfect Creature, which is a perfect work, as Poems, scenes, or story;
but some Poets are like Chymists, that strive and labour to make as Nature
makes, but most fail in their work, and lose their labours, wanting that
Natural heat, or well-tempered matter, which should produce such Creatures
as Nature makes, yet some ’tis said have made gold, as Raimond Lully.

1 Gent

Then Homer is a Raimond Lully in Poetry.

2 Gent

Nay rather Raimond Lully is a Homer in Chymistry: for no man
ought to compare Homer to any Creature, by reason he hath out-wrought
Nature, having done that which she never did; for Nature never made Gods,
Devils, Hells, and Heavens, as Homer hath done.

1 Gent

For my part I had rather be Raimond Lully than Homer: for I had
rather have the Art to make Gold, than the Nature to make Poems.

2 Gent

You would not gain so much by Gold as Wit.

1 Gent

Why, what shall I gain?

2 Gent

Fame.

1 Gent

But Gold will bribe Fame to speak as I would have her, if I have
gold enough to bribe her.

2 Gent

But poems will force Fame to speak for you without bribe.

1 Gent

That were all one to me, so she speaks well, whether she be forced,
flattered, or bribed.

Ccccccc 2 Gent. Ccccccc1v 562

2 Gent

But there is a fate of Poverty on Chymists, as much as on Poets,
so that if you were as Excellent a Chymist as Raimond Lully, you would be
as poor as Divine Homer.

1 Gent

Not if I could make Gold.

2 Gent

Yes, for Chymists spend more in the making of Gold, than they
gain by it when it is made; and how should they do otherways, when they
must needs spend a pound or pounds to make a grain? for the limbeck of a
Chymist is but a little Still set a-work by a wasting fire, whereas Natures
limbeck is the Earth, set a-work by an undecaiable fire, which is the Sun; this
Chymist becomes as poor by an over-greedy Covetousness, as Poets by a
despising Carelessness.

1 Gent

Then Chymists are like those Bodyes which become lean with
over-eating, and Poets like those Bodyes that becomes lean by over-fasting;
the one surfits, the other famishes.

2 Gent

Indeed Chymists are so greedily Covetous, and feed so much
on hopes, as they never leave untill such time as they have vomitted out all
their wealth, and then they become sick and lean with Poverty.

Exeunt.

Act II.

Scene 5.

Enter two other Gentlemen.

1 Gent

The Lady Faction is of a strange busy Nature, she runs into every
House, takes upon her to govern every ones Family, yet cannot rule
her own; she condemns all Actions, be they never so Just or Prudent; all
Officers, be they never so worthy, or fitly placed; all Laws, be they never so
beneficial, or expedient for the Common-wealth; all Customs, be they
never so antient or harmless, indeed all peaceable, wise, and well ordered
Governments: she hates and delights in nothing but disordered
change.

2 Gent

’Tis said she is in love with Sir William Admirer.

1 Gent

And he in love with the Lady Peaceable.

2 Gent

She is a sweet Lady.

Exeunt.

Scene 6.

Enter the Lady Peaceable, and Sir William Admirer.

Admirer

I will sit and lissen to what you say, and learn from you what is
the noblest way to entertain the life.

Peaceable

Alas I cannot learn you, I have not long experience, my Soul is young, Ccccccc2r 563
young, a meer novice Soul, it wants both growth and experienced years, for
I am like a House that is newly built and is unfurnished.

Admirer

Though you are young, you are wise.

Peaceable

How can you expect youth can be discreet and wise, when
those that have lived long, and have had much experience, are oftentimes
Fools? wherefore I can only entertain you like a Parrot, only with words,
not wisely to discourse, and if you should lissen to me long, I shall surfit your
Ears with idle words, for the Brain will be as soon over-charged with noise,
as the Stomack with meat.

Admirer

I can no more be weary of thy words, than Angels are with
Heavenly Musick.

Enter the Lady Faction.

Faction

Lady Peaceable, the report is you are Ambitious to get away my
Servant Sir William Admirer from me.

Peaceable

I am only Ambitious to live Virtuously, and dye Piously.

Faction

Why Servant, I hear you have forsaken me.

Admirer

I despaired of ever being entertained, and so I never really address’d
a Sute, but by way of rallery.

Faction

Your Mistriss doth not believe you, for she blushes either for
your faults, or her own.

Peaceable

My Bashfullness proceeds not from a Guiltiness, either of base
actions, wicked thoughts, mean birth, or breeding, or evill or erronious opinions;
for my bashfullness is only an effect of Nature: for as some are naturally
fearfull, so am I naturally bashfull; and as Melancholy produces a sad
Countenance, so Bashfullness produceth an extorted and a Convulsive Countenance;
as Grief produces tears, so Bashfullness produces blushing.

Admirer

Lady Faction, spare my young Mistriss, lest she should out-run
you in a full speed.

Faction

Your Mistriss is too grave, and speaks too scholastical for a woman,
she seems as if she had been bred in an University, which breeding is
fitter for a man.

Peaceable

No surely, for men should be bred with Heroick Actions, women
with Modest Contemplations, as I have been.

Faction

If you have talk’d so seldome, and have learn’d so little, how
come you to know so much?

Peaceable

My knowledge is not copious, yet I have learn’d as much as
my years could imbrace, and my desire is to know as much as Modesty will
allow of, Honour will give leave to, Capacity can comprehend, or Life can
reach at; but the longest life is but a short time to gather knowledge in;
but Madam, I should think I had learn’d well, if I knew how to do
you service.

Faction

Let me tell you, ’tis Craft and Subtilty that you practice, to catch
fond, facil Fools under the veil of Civility, but not good Nature; for you,
like a Sorceress as you are, Inchant and Bewitch all that come neer
you, with this dissembling, for which you ought to be banish’d from all
noble Company.

Peaceable

Take heed Lady of sharp-headed Curses, that Shoot through
Innocent Lips, they seldome miss the mark they aim at.

Ccccccc2 Faction. Ccccccc2v 564

Faction

Shoot as many as you will, I fear them not.

Lady Faction goes out.

Admirer

My dear sweet, wise, Virtuous Mistriss, be not angry, for all
the World knows the Lady Faction is a disturber of all good and peaceable
Society.

Peaceable

No, I am not angry with her, but I will watch her, lest she
should do me some harm.

Exeunt.

Scene 7.

Enter the Lady Solitary as sitting a writing, then enter the
Lady Examination as to visit her.

Examination

Prethee what art thou writing?

Solitary

I am writing Fancies.

Examination

Prethee what are Fancies?

Solitary

Why, Fancies are minzed Objects, pounded and chopt by Imagination,
which Imaginations are the several Cooks which serve the Mind;
and as skillfull Cooks of several meats make Bisks or Olioes, so doth the
Imagination of several Objects; and as skillfull Cooks will mix several
meats, so as not any one particular shall be tasted, so doth the Imagination
of several Objects or Subjects.

Examination

But some say Fancies are Created by Motion in the Brain,
which would be there were there no such materials as Objects or Subjects,
which the Senses as Caterers bring in.

Solitary

The Brain can no more Create Fancy without the materials of
outward Objects, and Subjects, than Nature can Create a World without
matter to make it withall; so the Brain can no more Create Fancy without
the help of the Senses, than Nature can Create a Creator without the help
of Motion; for though Fancies are the works of the Brain, yet the Brain
could not work unless it had something to work on; but Objects and Subjects
of Objects, may be divided in the Brain so small, or beaten so thin, as
the first form may be beaten out, and when the first form is gone, we deny
the matter, like as if we should deny that Paper is made with Rags, because
the form of Rags is beaten out; thus by the subtill and curious motion of
proud Conception joyned with the dazled memory, we deny the Senses a
share, as not being Partners therein, or laboures thereof, the same way we
conceive the Gods, for the Conceptions of the Gods is but minzed Imaginations.

Exeunt. Scene
Ddddddd1r 565

Scene 8.

Enter the Lady Censurer, and the Lady Examination.

Examination

Lady Censurer, pray what think you of the Lady Retorts
wit, hath not she a great wit?

Censurer

Oh fye, she hath a Chamber-Maids wit.

Examination

What wit is that Lady?

Censurer

Why a snip snaply wit.

Examination

Indeed I have heard many Nursery Maids give so sharp and
quick replies, as amongst some would be judged to be great wits, yet come
to discourse seriously with them, and they were not much wiser than
Beasts; but what do you think of the Lady Sharps wit?

Censurer

Her wit fetches the skin off of the Ears, it corrodes the minds of
the hearers, more than Vinegar the tongues of tasters.

Examination

How approve you of the Lady Courtlyes wit?

Censurer

Her wit is tedious, as all Complementing wits are, they tire the
Ears of the hearers.

Examination

What say you to the Lady Stronglines wit?

Censurer

Her wit is costive, and is delivered with labour, difficulty,
and pain.

Examination

What think you of the Lady Learnings wit?

Censurer

Her wit is an Alms tub, it yields nothing but scraps, fragments,
and broken pieces.

Examination

What think you of the Lady Subtilties wit?

Censurer

Her wit is Lime, Twigs, Snares and Traps to catch Fools in
or with.

Examination

How like you the Lady Fancies wit?

Censurer

Her wit indeed is a true Natural wit, it ’tis sweet and delightfull,
easy and pleasing, as being free and unconstrain’d.

Examination

How like you the Lady Contemplations wit?

Censurer

Her wit is wise, and distinguishing well: for all Comntemplative
persons judge, weigh, and measure out the right and truth of every thing,
and find out the easiest and profitablest wayes, by the help of consideration;
yet Contemplative persons when they come into Company, or publick Societies,
their tongues do as Boys, that having been kept hard to their
studies, when once they get a play day, they run wildly about, and many
times do extravagant actions: so Contemplative persons when they are in
Company their tongues speak extravagant words, and their behavior for the
most part is unnatural to their dispositions; but of all wits the Contemplative
wit is the best, by reason it is a neer Neighbour to Poetry.

Exeunt.
Ddddddd Act Ddddddd1v 566

Act III.

Scene 9.

Enter the Lady Gadder, the Lady Kindeling, and the
Lady Bridlehead.

Gadder

Come friend Kindeling, and friend Bridlehead, let us go to the
Lady Censurers; for there is the resort of all the gallants at her House.

Bridlehead

What should we do there? for all the men will hearken so
much to her discourse, as they will take no notice of us.

Kindeling

Why then we will take notice of them: for if we should stay
at home, and not seek out the Company of men, faith we shall never get us
Husbands.

Bridlehead

It is easy to get the Company of men, not so easy to get Husbands:
for we have a great many men that come often to visit us, but none
offer to marry us.

Gadder

But the more acquaintance we have, the more likely we should
get Husbands; for it were a hard Fortune, if amongst so many men we
should not get one Husband.

Kindeling

Why one Husband will not serve us three.

Gadder

I mean each of us one.

Bridlehead

Well then let us go.

Exeunt.

Scene 10.

Enter the Lady Solitary, and the Lady Examination.

Examination

Oh thou Clod of Earth, sit not idle here, but go abroad and
receive the comfort of the Sun, which works to all effects.

Solitary

I need not, for my Mind is as the Sun it self, and hath the same effects;
for my Mind doth contract, attract, dilates, and expulses, for sometimes
it dilates it self as the Sun doth, in beams of light, which is Inventions, at
other times the Mind dilates, as the Sun his heat, which is in Poetick flames,
and in rarified fancies; likewise the Mind attracts, as the Sun doth Vapours
from the Earth, so my Mind attracts knowledge from the World, as from several
subjects and objects, as the Sun from several Climates; likewise as the
Sun contracts porous matter into a solid substance, so doth my Mind contract
loose thoughts into solid Judgment; and as the Sun expulses united Bodyes into
parts, so doth my Mind expulse its serious Contemplations, and united Conceptions
into several discourses.

Examination

Prethee expulse this discourse amongst thy sociable
friends.

Solitary. Ddddddd2r 567

Solitary

What amongst the sociable Virgins?

Examination

Nay faith, Wives for the most part are more sociable
than Maids.

Exeunt.

Scene 11.

Enter the Lady Censurer, and a Gentleman.

Censurer

Sir, I hear you intend to be a Souldier in the Wars.

Gentleman

Yes Madam, I am come to take my leave, and to kiss
your Ladiships hands before I go.

Censurer

Sir you have chosen an honourable Profession, for though it is
an industrious, carefull, painfull, and dangerous Profession, yet it is a noble
Protection to the Weak and Infirm, to the decrepid Age, and shiftless
Youth; to the faint and tender Female Sex; it is a guard to the ashes of the
Dead, and to the Temples of the Gods; for without Marshal Discipline no
Peace would be kept, Truth and Right would be torn from the owners. Justice
pull’d out from her Seat, and Monarchy quite from his Throne, and
though a Souldier may lose his life sooner than Nature did determine, yet in
recompence, Honour buryes him, and Fame builds up his Monument.

Gentleman

Your descriptions Madam are able to make a Coward a Valiant
Man.

Exeunt.

Scene 12.

Enter two Gentlemen.

1 Gent

Some have thought the World was but as Stage, and that the
several Creatures are the several Actors, and that every several Generation
is a new Play.

2 Gent

No every several Generation doth not seem as if they were new
Plays; for there seems to be but one play, and that to continue to the end of
the World, and that every Generation seems only new Actors, that play
over the same parts, for we well perceive that the following Generations
act but what the former Generations did before them; ’tis true the World
seems to be the Stage, and the Seas, Rocks, Rivers, Plants, Hills, Dales, Cities,
Towns, Villages, and the like, are as the several Changes, the Animals
as the several Actors, the several Seasons, the several Scenes, and the Spectators
are the Gods, and the end of the World the end of the Play, and then
they must make another World, if they will have another Play.

1 Gent

Surely Mercury is their Poet.

2 Gent

’Tis very likely, also ’tis probable Pallas helps him.

1 Gent

Nay ’tis probable that Venus and Cupid helps him, for Love and
Beauty doth at all times assist a Poet.

2 Gent

There is no excellent and extraordinary wit, but hath many assistants,Ddddddd2 sistants, Ddddddd2v 568
as first Nature is the chief, so likewise Mercury, Pallas, Venus, Cupid, and the Muses.

1 Gent

The most foolish Actors of all Actors, are women.

2 Gent

The truth is, it ’tis very unhappy for women, that they are not
instructed in the rules Rhethorick, by reason they talk so much, that they might
talk sensibly, whereas now for want of that Art, they talk meer nonsense.

1 Gent

But all women are apt to speak more than to Act, by reason
words are easily spoke, and deeds so hard to be done.

2 Gent

Faith women are as full of Actions as words; for all their life
is imployed with talking and running about to no purpose.

Exeunt.

Act IV.

Scene 13.

Enter the Lady Solitary, the Lady Examination, the Lady
Censurer
, and a Grave Matron.

Examination

Come let us go abroad, for I love to refresh my self in the
Serene Ayr, taking the pleasure of every Season, as when the returning
Sun sp ins Golden Beams, which interwaves into the thiner Ayr, as Golden
Threads with softer Silk, making it like a Mantle, Rich and warm, which
wraps the Body of each Creature in; so in the Summer when lifferous
winds do fan the sultry heat; then in the Autum that’s like a temperate
Bath, which is neither too hot nor too cold; then in the Winter, when freesing
cold doth purge the Ayr, as Physick doth the Body from most corrupt
humours, and binds each loose deshevered part.

Censurer

The Winter will bind up your active limbs, and numb your
flesh, and make your Spirits chill, besides Winter doth bedrid Nature, ’tis a
spightfull malicious and wicked Season, for it doth strive for to destroy each
several thing, and it yields nothing good it self; besides it doth Imprison
many things, binding them fast with Icy Chains, taking away their Natural
Liberty, also it doth not only frown, and lour on the bright Sun, making
his light dim and dusky, but Winter doth untwist, and doth unweave the
Suns bright Golden Beams, and wind them on dark bottoms.

Solitary

The cold sharp ayr is as sharp unto the touch, as a Lemon to
the tast, and works a-like in some effects.

Matron

Yes be’r Lady in causing frowning, and crumpling faces.

Solitary

Not only so, but sharp Ayr, and sharp Lemons, do both
cleanse from Putrification, and keep from Corruption.

Censurer

But hot Ayr works upon the Body, as stronge Liquors upon
the Brain, for hot Ayr distempers the Body, as strong Liquors do
the Mind.

Matron

Beshrow me, I have felt some Ayres as hot, and as burning, as
Brandy-wine.

Solitary

What Wine is that?

Matron Eeeeeee1r 569

Matron

The Wine of Wine, the Spirits of Wine.

Censurer

Indeed that Wine, if you call it so, which is Strong-waters,
will work upon the Body as soon as the hottest Ayr, causing Feavours and
other Malignant diseases.

Examination

It seems that hot and burning Ayr, works upon the Spirits
as much and as soon as the hottest Liquors, and hot Liquors upon the Body
as much as hot Ayr, both causing Feavours and Frenzies.

Matron

In truth, and I heard that Ayr is liquid, and so is Drink, and
Drunkards, like frantick persons, will do mad tricks sometimes.

Examination

And there are several sorts of Ayr, as there are several sorts
of Drinks, some colder, some hotter, some moist, and some hath dry effects
and some Ayr refreshes and quenches heat, other some dissipates and expels
cold, some revives the Spirits, and some inrages them, some corrupts
Bodyes, and some preserves them.

Matron

By my Faith, I perceive Ayr and Drink have many good and
bad qualities, but I had rather have good Drink and bad Ayr, than bad Drink
and good Ayr, there is some substance in the one, but the other is like unto
that which I have heard of but could never see, which is Incorporality;
for that which is not subject to my sight, I can hardly believe it is
any thing.

Censurer

Indeed very thin Ayr is next unto nothing.

Exeunt.

Scene 14.

Enter two Gentlemen.

1 Gent

Tom. Adventurer is gone to be a Souldier.

2 Gent

Yes, and he may chance to get a glorious Fame.

1 Gent

But particular Fames are like particular Creatures, some dye and
decay sooner than others, but few live to old Nestors years, and some lye
Bedrid, and a great Company are decrepid and lame, others are croked and
deformed from their Birth, and some by evill Fortune; and many are Orphans,
and aboundance Bastards and Changlings; and though War makes
the lowdest noise in Fames Palace, yet Wit for the most part lives the longest
therein; for Wit is such a delightfull Company, and such pleasant pastime,
as old Father Time takes great care to preserve it, lapping Wit warm
in the Memory, and feeding it often with Rehersals.

Exeunt.

Scene 15.

Enter the Lady Examination, and the Lady Solitary.

Examination

Come, Come, you will never get you a real Lover, if you
delight so much in Solitaries.

Solitary

I desire none: for real Lovers do oftentimes prove unconstant, Eeeeeee whereas Eeeeeee1v 570
whereas feigned lovers are as constant as the Contemplator would have them,
and as many as they would have; besides, a crowd or multitude of thoughts
may rise up in the brain, and be as Spectators of one single thought, which if
the Contemplator pleases may be a Lover, and the rest of the Spectators
thoughts may censure of that single thought, as of his good parts, or bad,
his virtues, or vices, some may praise, others dispraise, and the like; thus a
Contemplator can never want Lovers, Admirers, Censurers, nor any other
Company, since the Mind can present them with what thoughts they desire,
not only the thoughts of Men Women and Children, but of any other Creatures
that Nature hath made; for why should not our Spirits or Soul delight
and content us, without the real possession of outward Good, as well as the
Spirits or Soul doth torment us with a real Evill? for why may not Opinion,
or Fancy, as well and as much delight us, as Opinion and Fancy affright us, as
they often do?

Examination

But an over-studious Mind doth waste the Body, for the
Thoughts feeds as much upon the Body, as the Body upon the meat we eat,
and the Body nourishes the Thoughts as much as meat nourishes the Body,
and for the most part, as the Body is effected so is the Mind, for a distempered
Body makes a distempered Mind, as a Luxurious Body makes an Amorous
Mind; and a Feavour in the Body makes the mind frantick, for the heat of
a Feavour is like Strong-water, it makes the Spirits drunk, the Thoughts dizie,
and the Mind sick.

Solitary

Indeed the Body and the Mind do most commonly agree, as in
Monarchy the King and the Subjects do, the Subjects obeying the King, and
the King commanding the Subjects, yet sometimes the Subjects compel the
King, and sometimes the King forces the Subjects, so sometimes the Appetite
compels the Reason, at other times the Reason forces the Appetite to a Moderation,
and sometimes the Humours of the Body which are like the senceless
Commonalty, and the Passions of the Soul, which are as the Nobles, oftentimes
fall out, where sometimes the Humours of the Body usurp with
an uprore the Passions of the Soul, and sometimes the Passions overcome the
Humours by a wise policy; but when as the Kingdome of Man is in Peace,
the Imaginations in the head send down thoughts, as metal into the heart,
wherein they are melted and minted into current Coin, each thought as
each peece having a several stamp, some is stamped with Hate, some Spight,
others Malice; some with Jealousy, some Hope, some with Fear, some
Pitty, some Love, but that of Love is of the highest vallew; but these Coins
serve for Commerce and Traffick in the Body, from the Authority of the
Mind or Soul, whose stamp or Image each piece bears.

Exeunt.

Scene 16.

Enter Sir William Admirer, and the Lady Peaceable.

Admirer

Dear Mistriss how I love you!

Peaceable

I wish I had Merits worthy your Affections.

Admirer

You are all a man can wish in women kind, for you are young,
fair, virtuous, witty and wise.

Peaceable, Eeeeeee2r 571

Peaceable

Alas all youth hath more follies than years, whereas those that
are old, have or ought to have more years than follies.

Admirer

You might be thought old by your speech and actions, by reason
you speak so experienced, and act with such prudence and discretion;
wherefore I should judge you were instructed by those that are old, and
knew much.

Peaceable

Indeed my Educators were Aged, and my Tutors, like as Painters,
drew with the Pencil of the Tongue, and the Colours of Sense, and the
white of Truth, on the Platform of my Brain, many figurate discourses for
the Understanding to view, but my Understanding hath weak Eyes.

Admirer

Your Understanding neither wants sight nor light, but the Lady
Faction
wants both, or else she had not been so uncivil to you as she was
when I was with you last; were not you very Cholerick with her?

Peaceable

I am of too Melancholy a Nature to be very Cholerick.

Admirer

Why, are those that are Melancholy never Cholerick?

Peaceable

I cannot say never, but yet very seldome, by reason they
want that heat which makes Choler; for though the Spirits of Melancholy
persons may be as quick as those that are Cholerick, yet they are not so
fiery, for there is as much difference betwixt Melancholy and Choler, as
freesing and burning, the one contracts into a sad silence, the other expulses
in blows, and many extravagant actions, and angry words; but those persons
which are seldom angry, as all Melancholy persons are, who are of a patitient,
peaceable Nature, yet when they are angry are very angry; so those
persons that are naturally Melancholy, that are seldome seen to be merry or to
laugh, yet when they are merry, their mirth is ridiculous, and they will laugh
extremely, as at nothing, or at any thing; so those that are naturally Contemplative,
when they do speak, they speak beyond all sense and reason, their
speech flows like as a Torrent, rough and forceable; thus we may perceive
that extremes one way run into extremes another way.

Admirer

I can truly witness that you are not apt to be angry, or at least
not to appear angry; for I did wonder at your humble behavior, civil answers,
patient demeanors towards the Lady Faction.

Peaceable

I may suffer an injury patiently when I cannot avoid it, but I
will never injure my self in doing such actions, or speaking such words as are
unbefitting, unworthy and base.

Exeunt.

Act V.

Scene 17.

Enter the Lady Solitary, her Governess a Grave Matron,
and a Gentleman as coming a Journey.

Matron

Pray Charge, thank this Gentleman for his gifts and favours
to me.

Solitary

Governess, let me tell you, that they do themselves a courtesy or Eeeeeee2 favour Eeeeeee2v 572
favour that do a courtesy or favour to another; and therefore there needs
no thanks.

Gentleman

But Lady you ought to thank me, for coming out of my way
so far as I have done to see you.

Solitary

No truly, for if you came out of your way to see me, if it were
for affection, it is a duty to Love, if for gratitude, it ’tis a duty to Obligation,
if for civility, it ’tis a duty to Honour, if for Charity, it ’tis a duty to Heaven,
and where a duty is due, the owner receives but his own when ’tis paid;
wherefore it were a vain and extravagant civility, like unto madness, to
give thanks for what is justly their own.

Gentleman

I do confess Lady I am yours, and therefore whatsoever I do,
the best of my actions is due to you, and I repent for saying you ought to
thank me for comming out of my way to see you, and I crave your pardon
for my error, and ask forgiveness for my fault.

Solitary

I will forgive you, so I may be rid of you, for I love not Company
but Solitariness.

Exeunt.

Scene 18.

Enter the Lady Gadder, the Lady Kindeling, and the
Lady Bridlehead.

Bridlehead

Sir William Admirer is like Argus, stuck full of Eyes, but Sir
William
’s are the Eyes of fair Ladyes that gaze upon him.

Gadder

The truth is, when he is in the Company of our Sex, all the women
gaze on him.

Kindeling

They may look if they please, and admire him, but I can assure
them he loves and admires but one, which is the Lady Peaceable.

Gadder

Why, is he in love with the Lady Peaceable?

Kindeling

So much as he is to be married to her within two or
three dayes.

Gadder

I thought he had loved the Lady Faction.

Kindling

No, no, for he denies that ever he had any Matrimonial love
for her.

Bridlehead

Will they make a publick wedding?

Lady Kindeling[Speaker label not present in original source]

No, ’tis said the wedding will be kept private.

Exeunt.
Scene Fffffff1r 573

Scene 19.

Enter the Lady Censurer, the Lady Examination, and
the Lady Solitary.

Examination

Where have you been Lady Censurer?

Censurer

Faith at Court, amongst a Company of Ladyes and their
Gallants.

Examination

And what was their pastime?

Censurer

Why Singing, Dancing, Laughing, and Jesting; but I have
earned an Angel amongst them.

Examination

How prethee?

Censurer

Although not by the sweat of my brows, yet by the expence of
my Spirits.

Examination

Prethee tell.

Censurer

Why the Court Ladyes in a scornfull jesting, for Courtiers
love to put persons out of Countenance if they can, prayed me to sing an old
Song out of a new Ballad, as knowing my voice fit for no better Songs; but
I told them, that if I did sing they should pay me for my pains; for there was
never a blind Beggar, or poor young Wench, that sings at a door, but had
somthing given them; they told me they would give me a penny, I answered,
that when they sung to Gentlemen or Ladyes guts, that they had a
shilling at least given them, and unless they would give me twelvepence apiece,
I would not sing; so they out of a laughing sport, borrowed a Crown
of the Gentlemen to give me.

Solitary

Oh that’s the Court fashion, for the women to borrow of
the men.

Censurer

How should they live if they did not so? for in my Conscience
they could not have made up twelve pence amongst a douzen of them, not
in money; for their Clothes though costly and rich, yet are worn upon trust;
but as I said, I was to sing them a Song for my money; so I sung them an old
Song, the burden of the Song, “Oh women, women, monstrous women, what do you
mean for to do?”
but because the Song was against women, they would have
had me given them their money back again, I told them no I would not, for
it was lawfull gain for me to keep it, since I gained it by an honest industry,
and that those that made a bargain must stick to it; then they told me, that
if I would sing them a good old Song, they would give me another Crown;
I told them I would have the money in hand, for fear they should dislike
my Song when I had sung it, or at least seem to dislike it, to save their
money; so although they were loth, yet at last they borrowed another
Crown to give me, thinking it did disgrace me, in that my voyce was fit for
nothing but old Ballads, for all their Admirers, and Courtly Servants, or Servants
for Courtship were with them; so then I sung them Doctor Faustus that
gave his Soul away to the Devill
; for I knew Conjurers and Devills pleased
women best.

Examination

They fright women.

Censurer

By your favour, all Conjurers gain more by womens coming to
them to know their Fortunes, and for to find out losses, than they do by men;
for where one man goeth to a Conjurer or Fortune-teller, their goeth a Fffffff hundred Fffffff1v 574
hundred women; but as I have told you, I sung the Song of Doctor Faustus.

Solitary

For my part, I had rather hear a plain old Song, than any Italian,
or French Love Songs stuff’d with Trilloes.

Censurer

That’s strange, when as in those Harmonious songs the wisest
Poets, and skillfull’st Musicians, are joyned to make up one song, and the
most excellent voices are chosen to sing them.

Solitary

I know not, but I am sooner weary to hear a famous and Artificial
Singer sing than they are themselves with singing, for I hate their
Quavers, demy, and semy Quavers, their Minnums, Crochets, and
the like.

Examination

The truth is, I have observed that when an old Ballad is
plainly sung, most hearers will lissen with more delight, than to Italian and
French Singers, although they sing with art and skill.

Solit

The most famous singer in these latter times I have heard in France,
it was a woman, and an Italian sent for into France, where she was presented
with very rich gifts for her rare singing, yet I durst a-laid my life for a wager,
that there were more that could have taken more delight to hear an old
Ballad sung, which Ballads are true stories put into verses and set to a Tune,
than in all there Italian and French Love whining Songs, and languishing
tunes.

Examination

Well, but what will you do with your gettings?

Censurer

Faith I will go home and consider, and the next time I will tell
you how I will imploy my ten shillings.

Exeunt.

Scene 20.

Enter two Gentlemen.

1 Gent

What makes you Booted and Spurred, are you going out of
the town?

2 Gent

Yes faith, I am going to a wedding, Swich and Spur.

1 Gent

What, art thou going to be married?

2 Gent

No, I am not so hasty, for though I can spur to another mans
wedding, I cannot be spurred to my own.

1 Gent

Whose wedding are you riding to?

2 Gent

To Sir William Admirers, and the Lady Peaceable.

1 Gent

Faith their names and marriage do disagree; for never did
Husband after the first Month Admire his Wife, nor a Wife after two
Months live Peaceably.

Exeunt.
Scene Fffffff2r 575

Scene 21.

Enter the Lady Solitary, the Lady Examination, and the Lady Censurer.

Examination

How have you imployed the ten shillings got by singing?

Censurer

I must tell you, I have been extremely troubled how to imploy
it, insomuch as my Mind hath never been at rest; for their hath been
such arguing and disputing and contradiction amongst my Thoughts, as I
did verily believe there would have been a mutiny in my head: for first I did
resolve to put my ten shillings to pious uses, and then I thought to build
some Alms Houses, as building one long room like a Gallery, making in it
several Partitions, and the outward dores all a-like; these Houses, or rather
partitioned rooms, for poor old and infirm persons, that could not work
nor beg for their livelyhood, to live in; but when I had well considered,
that when I had built my Alms Houses, which is as I said one long Room
divided by Partitions, I should have nothing left to maintain them, and they
to have only House-room, and have neither Meat, Drink, Clothes, nor Firing
to feed them and to keep them from the injuries of the cold, having
neither Fires nor Beds, I thought the Parish wherein they were Born, would
better provide for them, so that instead of praying for me, they would Curse
me; besides I considered, that after I was dead, had I means to leave an allowance,
yet when it came for the Magistrates to chuse, those that should be
put in they would leave out, and chuse idle young Huswives, or foul Sluts to
dwell therein, such as those Magistrates would visit sometimes, to see what
they did want, so as I let that design pass; then I thought to build a Church,
and much were my thoughts concerned, whether the Roof should be flat,
or vaulted, or sloping; but after I had resolved how the Roof should be;
and where the Belfrey and Quest-room, I was sore perplex’d in my Mind,
as where or how to place the Pulpit, whether at the East or West end, or at
a Corner in the Church, or at one of the sides of the Church close by the
Wall, but at last I resolved it should be placed in the midst of the Church,
in the very Centre, that the voice of the Minister might spread round to the
Circumference, so as all the Congregation might hear him; but when I considered
that when my Church was buuilt there was neither Benefices, Lands,
nor Tithes, nor any allowance for the Minister, and that there was none that
did or will preach meerly for Gods sake, but for gains sake, as to have a
maintenance thereby, or some advancement therefrom, I desisted from that
design; then I thought to build a Bedlam, and be the Keeper my self, but I
considered that if any of the mad folkes should get loose, they might kill me,
besides they stink so horribly, and require so much cleansing, not being capable
of keeping themselves clean, as I resolved not to go forward with that
design; then I thought to build a free School, and I to be the chief Tutoress
my self, but when I remembered the confused noise the Scholars make reading
all at once, that neither I could hear nor they understand what they read,
I thought it would be to no purpose, because the Scholars would profit but
little by their reading, and then I should be thought an ignorant Tutoress; at
last I thought to give my ten shillings to the poor Beggars, but when I considered
that Alms that was given to Beggars did more harm than good, Fffffff2 causing Fffffff2v 576
causing them to be idle and lazy, and incouraged them to go roving and Roguing
about, I chang’d my Mind from that Act, but finding I could not imploy
my ten shillignngs in any pious Act, I thought to imploy it in something to be
remembred by, as for Fame, whereupon I resolved to build a Pyramide or
Cross, the Pyramide to be vastly high, and the Cross to be gloriously gilt, but
then fearing a Rebellion, and knowing that in a Rebellion a Confused and superstitious
rout, would certainly pull them down to the ground, and that
when the Cross or Pyramide was down, I should be utterly forgottten, I desisted
from that design; so finding as little imployment for my money to any
famous act as to any pious use, I resolved to imploy it to my profit, so then
I had a design to set up a Shop of small wares, but when I considered how
dead Trading was, and how fast Tradesmen did break, and instead of being
inriched became poorer than when first they begun, for to set up a Trade
requires some stock, but when they break, they have not only lost their stock,
but owe more than ever their stock was, so I went from that design; then
I intended to buy me a parcell of Land with my ten shillings, but hearing
there was much danger in buying of Land, for that many have morgaged
their Lands to one, and sold them to another, or by an old Deed that hath
layen in some old Trunck, Desk, or Box, which may be brought forth to
claim the Land again, so as I must be forced to go to Law for my land I
bought, which would cost me more than my Lands, besides the infinite
pains and trouble in following my Law Sute, and vext with querkes, and
quillets Lawyers find to prolong the Sute, or else I must let my Land go,
so lose it, finding this, I thought to put my money out to use, but then I considered
that first I had only a piece of Parchment for my money, besides, it is
a general rule that few or none take up money at use, but those that are
Banckrouts, and when they had once got my money into their hands, I
should neither get Use or Principal, for should I Imprison them, I should be
never the neerer to get my money, for where there is nothing to be had, sayes
the old Proverb, the King must lose his right; after this I intended to build
a Ship, and Traffick with it on the Seas, but then considering the Various
Winds, the Tempestuous Storms, the rough Seas, the lurking Sands, the
dreadfull Rocks, the gaping Flouds that might split and swallow my Ship,
and be drowned my self, I was resolved not to follow that design; then I
thought to buy a place at Court, but when I considered how I must cringe
and creep, flatter, rail, and be factious, and at last the expences at Court
would be more than the profit of my place, by which I should become a
Beggar, or at least a Shark, I left off that design; but after all these considerations
I concluded with my self that the most profitablest way to imploy my ten
shillings was to build a Bawdy-house, for I was sure that as soon as ever it
was built Customers would resort thereunto; besides it was the most certain
gain that was, without any expences, whereas all other Trades or Professions
require means or stocks to begin with, whereas in these Professions or
Trade the poorest may set up without borrowing or begging, for a stock to
begin with; neither can alterations of times ruin it, for in all times whether
Peace or Wars, and in all Nations, this Trade never fails, whereunto if you
please to come Ladyes, you shall be very welcome.

Solitary

It will not agree with my humour, for I love Solitariness, and
there will be too much Company.

Censurer

There may be a great resort, but their Conversation is by single
Couples.

Examination. Ggggggg1r 577

Examination

You are a wag Lady Censurer.

Exeunt.

Scene 22.

Enter four Gentlemen.

1 Gent

If I were to chuse a Wife, I would chuse the Lady Solitary.

2 Gent

Why?

1 Gent

Because those that are Solitary love not much Company, and
being alone love not much noise, and loving no noise, love silence, and
loving silence, love not to talk, so as in having of her, I shall have a Solitary,
Peaceable, Quiet, Silent Wife.

3 Gent

And if I were to chuse, I would chuse the Lady Censurer, for
she would let nothing pass her judgment: for she will give her opinion of all
things, persons, and actions; so in having her to my Wife, I should have a
general Intelligencer, or at least her opinion of all things.

2 Gent

But if her Judgment were not good, her opinion would be
erronious.

3 Gent

I care not, it would serve to pass an idle time with.

4 Gent

And if I might chuse, I would chuse the Lady Examination for
a Wife.

2 Gent

Why?

4 Gent

Because she knows most humours and passages of every body,
and their affairs, so by her I should be entertained with news from all places,
as of all actions done, opinions held, words spoke, or thoughts
thought.

2 Gent

I would I could have my wish as easily, as you might have
your choice.

1 Gent

What would you wish?

2 Gent

I would wish to be unmarried, for if I were, I would never be
troubled with a Wife again; but let me advise you, for I love to have married
Companions, that you three should go a woing to those three Ladyes,
they cannot nor will not deny your Sute, being all three of you rich, young
and handsome.

All three

We will take your Counsel.

Exeunt.

Finis.

Ggggggg The