A1r

The
Platonick
Lady.

A Comedy.

As it is Acted at the
Queens Theatre
In The
Hay-Market.

By the Author of the Gamester, and Love’s Contrivance.

London,
Printed for James Knapton, at the Crown in St. Paul’s ChurchYard,
and Egbert Sanger, at the Post-House at the Middle-
Temple-Gate
in Fleetstreet. 17071707.

Price 1s.shilling 6d.pence

A1v A2r

To all the Generous Encouragers of Female Ingenuity,
this Play is Humbly Dedicated.

Gentlemen and Ladies;

My Muse chose to make this Universal Address,
hoping, among the numerous Crowd, to find
some Souls Great enough to protect her against
the Carping Malice of the Vulgar World; who
think it a proof of their Sense, to dislike every thing that is
writ by Women. I was the more induc’d to this General
Application, from the Usage I have met on all sides.

A Play secretly introduc’d to the House, whilst the Author
remains unknown, is approv’d by every Body: The
Actors cry it up, and are in expectation of a great Run;
the Bookseller of a Second Edition, and the Scribler of a
Sixth Night: But if by chance the Plot’s discover’d, and
the Brat found Fatherless, immediately it flags in the Opinion
of those that extoll’d it before, and the Bookseller falls
in his Price, with this Reason only, It is a Woman’s. Thus
they alter their Judgement, by the Esteem they have for
the Author, tho’ the Play is still the same. They ne’er reflect,
that we have had some Male-Productions of this kind,
void of Plot and Wit, and full as insipid as ever a Woman’s
of us all.

I can’t forbear inserting a Story which my Bookseller, that
printed my Gamester, told me, of a Spark that had seen my
Gamester three or four times, and lik’d it extremely: Having
bought one of the Books, ask’d who the Author was; and being
told, a Woman, threw down the Book, and put up his
Money, saying, he had spent too much after it already, and
was sure if the Town had known that, it wou’d never have
run ten days. No doubt this was a Wit in his own Eyes.
It is such as these that rob us of that which inspires the
Poet, Praise. And it is such as these made him that
Printed my Comedy call’d, Love’s Contrivance; or MedincinA2ci- A2v
Malgre lui
, put two Letters of a wrong Name to it;
which tho’ it was the height of Injustice to me, yet his
imposing on the Town turn’d to account with him; and
thus passing for a Man’s, it has been play’d at least a hundred
times.

And why this Wrath against the Womens Works? Perhaps
you’ll answer, because they meddle with things out
of their Sphere: But I say, no; for since a Poet is born,
why not a Woman as well as a Man? Not that I wou’d
derogate from those great Men who have a Genius, and
Learning to improve that Genius: I only object against
those ill-natur’d Criticks, who wanting both, think they
have a sufficient claim to Sense, by railing at what they
don’t understand. Some have arm’d themselves with resolution
not to like the Play they paid to see; and if in
spite of Spleen they have been pleas’d against their Will,
have maliciously reported it was none of mine, but given
me by some Gentleman: Nay, even my own Sex, which
shou’d assert our Prerogative against such Detractors, are
often backward to encourage a Female Pen.

Wou’d these profest Enemies but consider what Examples
we have had of Women that excell’d in all Arts; in Musick,
Painting, Poetry; also in War: Nay, to our immortal Praise,

what Empresses and Queens have fill’d the World? What
cannot England boast from Women? The mighty Romans
felt the Power of Boadicea’s Arm; Eliza made Spain tremble;
but Ann, the greatest of the Three, has shook the
Man that aim’d at Universal Sway. After naming this Miracle,
the Glory of our Sex, sure none will spitefully cavil
at the following Scenes, purely because a Woman writ’em.
This I dare venture to say in their behalf, there is a Plot
and Story in them, I hope will entertain the Reader; which
is the utmost Ambition of,

Gentlemen and Ladies,
Your most obedient humble Servant,
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Prologue.

By Captain Farqubar

Spoken by Mr. Betterton

Mr. Betterton

Rejoice, ye Fair, the British Warrior’s come,

Victorious o’re, to your soft Wars at home.

Each Conqueror flies, with eager Longing’s fraught,

To clasp the Darling Fair, for which he fought.

He lays his Trophies down before those Eyes,

By which Inspir’d, he won the Glorious Prize.

Prouder, when wellcom’d by his Generous Fair,

Of dying in her Arms, than Conquering there.

O! cou’d our Bards of Britains Isle but write

With the same Fire with which our Hero’s fight:

Or cou’d our Stage but represent a Scene,

To Copy that on great Ramillis Plain;

Then we with Courage wou’d assert our Plays,

And to your glorious Laurels joyn our Bays.

But our poor Pegasus, a Beast of ease,

Cares not for foraging beyond the Seas:

Content with London Provender, he flyes,

To make each Coxcomb he can find, a Prize:

And after trudging long, perhaps he may

Pick up a Set of Fools, to furnish out a Play.

To make him Eat, and you to Entertain,

That for his safety fought beyond the Main.

Your Courage There, but Here your Mercy show;

The Brave scorn to insult a Prostrate Foe.

Exit Epi-
A3v

Epilogue.

Spoken by Mr. Wilks.

Mr. Wilks

To you, the Tyrant Criticks of the Age,

To you, who make such Havock on the Stage;

Assault with Fury every coming Scene,

Like Hero’s arm’d at Ramellis, or Turin.

Whilst vanquish’d Wit, shrunk from her Native-Glory,

Like the Cow’d Gaul, too weakly stands before Ye.

Since then the Poets play this Loosing Game,

I, a poor Suppliant in the Muses Name,

Beg to avert our trembling Author’s Fate;

And, like the sad Bavarian Advocate,

Resistance Vain, we to your Mercy fly.

And court you now to lay your Thunder by.

Of Slaughter’d Wits, let the Effusion cease,

We, like the Humble Lewis, sue for Peace.

Epilogue.

Designed to be Spoken by Mrs. Bracegirdle, but came too
late.

Writtten by the Author of Tunbridge-Walks

Mrs. Bracegirdle[Speaker label not present in original source]

What mighty pains our Scribling Sot has shown,

To Ridicule our Sex, and Praise his own.

As if we Women muster’d all our Charms,

To tempt an odious Fellow to our Arms.

One A4r

One Lady proves so fond, or rather mad,

She’d fain confess a Child she never had.

Alas! how many Nymphs about this Town,

Have pretty Moppits, that they dare not own?

Then a West-country Dam’sel trots to Town,

And talks of Paint, False-hair, and Rumpt-up-Gown,

Things which to Men shou’d never be reveal’d,

But equally with Cuckoldom conceal’d.

Yet, tell me, Sirs, don’t you as nice appear,

With your false Calves, Bardash, and Fav’rites here?Pointing
to her
Forehead.

Nay, in Side-boxes too, I’ve often known,

’Mongst Flaxen-Wiggs, Complexions not their own;

Who hiss good Plays, and to Camilla fly,

Draw out their Pocket-glasses, Squint, and Cry,

Sings. “These Eyes are made so killing, &c.”

Young Templars too, with upstart forward Graces,

When Pummis-stone has travell’d o’re their Faces,

March hither, where Mobb’d Hoods too often ply,

And want a Lodging, tho’ Six-stories high;

Where the fond Youth the modest Dame implores,

And at Day-break ejects her out of Doors.

Some Cheapside-Bobbs too trudge it to our Play,

“Faith, Jack, this Hay-Market’s a cursed way:”

“What signifie the Quality or Wits,

The Money, Daniel, rises from us Cits.”

Who, like Cock-Sparrows, hop about the Benches,

And court, with Six-pences, fat Orange-Wenches.

In short, you Men have more Fantastik ways,

More Follies, than can e’re be stuft in Plays;

But since all Satyr’s for your Mirth design’d

Excuse the Errors, which to Night you find,

And to this Play be Gen’rous, Just, and Kind.

Dra-
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Dramatis PersonÆ

Sir Tho.Thomas Beamont, Uncle to Beamont
and Lucinda.
Mr. Betterton.

Sir Charles Richley, Contracted to Isa
bella
when young.
Mr. Booth.

Captain Beamont, Under the Name
of Belvil in Love
with Lucinda.
Mr. Wilks.

Sharper, A Man of the
Town.
Mr. Cibber.

Robin, Servant to Belvil. Mr. Pack

Equipage, Servant to Sharper. Mr. Norris.

Women.

Lucinda, Niece to Sir Tho.Thomas
in Love with Beamont.
Mrs. Bracegirdle.

Isabella, An Heiress, in Love
with Beamont, but
contracted by her Father
to Sir Charles in
her Childhood.
Mrs. Oldfield

Mrs. Dowdy, A Somersetshire Widow,
come to Town
to learn breeding.
Mrs. Willis.

Toylet, Woman to Isabella. Mrs. Bignal.

Betty, Maid to Lucinda. Mrs. Mills.

Peeper, Maid to Mrs. Dowdy. Mrs. Lee.

Mrs. Brazen, Mr. Bullock.

Manto-Women, Milliners, Match-makers, Tire-Women,
Singing-Masters, Dancing-Masters, Porters, &c.

Scene London.

B1r 1

The
Platonick Lady.

Act 1.

Enter Mr. Sharper, and Equipage his Man.

Equi.

As I was saying, Sir, I have advanc’d the
Expences of our Summers Expedition
from Epsom to Tunbridge, from Tunbridge
to the Bath, and from thence to
London here; where instead of Board-wages, I have liv’d
upon Hopes that some of these Places wou’d furnish you
with a Bubble, and me with my Money; but I see no
appearance of it: Therefore pray let you and I discount.

Sharp.

Prithee, Equipage, have but Patience to see what
this Winter produces.

Equi.

No, Sir; the Affront you put upon me at Tunbridge
I can’t forget, when you had lost fifty Guineas to
the Knight upon Honour, and pretended you had sent Bme B1v2
me Post to London to your Scrutore for the Money, and
that I had robb’d you and run away with your Keys;
when you ordered me to keep out of the way till he had
left the Town.

Sharp.

Thou know’st I had no other quibble to avoid
paying the Debt, and quitting the Place with Honour:
Come, don’t reflect upon my Misfortune; we have seen
better Summers.

Equi.

In troth, Sir, I thought Bath promis’d well; I am
sure ’twas very full of Company; and if you had not fallen
in Love, you might have paid me out of the Subscription.

Sharp.

How must I have liv’d like a Gentleman then,
Sirrah? I shall break your Head.

Equi.

I have done upon that Subject, Sir; I only desire
my Discharge and Wages; that’s all.

Sharp.

Do you know what you ask, Equipage? A
Gamester and a Soldier are both Sons of Fortune; now
to quit my Service, is directly to embroil your self with
Fortune.

Equi.

I have been embroil’d with her from the first Day
I enter’d into your Service: But I thank my Stars I am above
Fortune, and design to forsake the World.

Sharp.

Ha, ha, forsake the World!

Equi.

Yes, Sir, I have lately made some moral Reflections
on the Uncertainty of worldly Pleasures. I am
weary of being well beaten, and ill fed; of passing the
Night at a Tavern Door, and the Day in carrying
Messages from one Miss to another. In short, Sir, I am
weary of the subservient Title, without the subservient
Money, and resolve to marry; that is, when I can find
a Woman that deserves me.

Sharp.

A difficult matter truly.

Equi.

So it is, Sir; but this Digression makes you forget
that there is a small Rule in Arithmetick to be adjusted.
I have serv’d you these eight Years at twenty-five CrownsB2r3
Crowns a Year, which in plain English is forty-two
Pounds Sterling; of which I have received now and then
a broken Pate: Nevertheless there remains two and forty
Pounds; which I desire you’d give me immediately,
Sir.

Sharp.

Two and Forty Pounds;――a great deal of Money
――eight Years Service; Mercy upon me! How have
I had Patience to endure this Dog so long?

Equi.

How have I had Patience to stay thus long for
my Wages?

Sharp.

Are not you a Rogue, Sirrah?

Equi.

Yes, Sir.

Sharp.

And deserve to be hang’d?

Equi.

As Affairs stands now it seems. Whilst I was
silent I was a very honest Fellow; but now I ask
for my Wages, I’m fit for the Gallows: Faith, Sir,
you might be a Duke by your Conscience.

Sharp.

Well, Sirrah, you know I am good natur’d;
hang me if I am not very unwilling to part with thee: I
will not turn thee away, go get my Cloak.

Equi.

Turn me away! why, ’tis not you that turn me
away; ’tis I that turn you away, if you go to that.

Sharp.

Well, well, we won’t dispute about that; thou
shalt not leave me.

Equi.

Be pleas’d to pay me then; for I design the Money
for my Wife’s Jointure: Look ye, Sir, here’s the Receipt
ready.

Sharp.

The Devil’s in the Fellow, I think; thy Noddle
runs of nothing but thy own Business; prithee let’s think
a little of mine. Mrs. Brazen the Match-maker, is
to help me to a Somersetshire Widow worth fifty thousand
Pound; she’s just come to Town.

Equi.

But pray, Sir, consider my Business.

Sharp.

I tell you, I am in haste to see her.

Equi.

’Tis done in one word, Sir; my Wages.

B2 Sharp. B2v 4

Sharp.

Well, since you are so resolute, we will part,
tho’ it trouble me never so much. Give me the Receipt:
Let’s see how you have drawn it.

Equi.

There, Sir.

Gives it him.

Sharp.

Now begon; I discharge you.

Equi.

But my Wages, Sir.

Sharp.

Ah, Equipage, Equipage, the parting with thee
softens me even into Tears. If I stay I shall unman my
self: Farewel.

Exit.

Equi.

The Devil! did not I know him well enough
not to trust him with the Receipt till I had the Money?
But, egad, I’ll be even with him one way, I’ll
have his cowardly Bones well beaten, if my Project takes.

Exit.

Scene Changes to Isabella’s Lodgings.

Enter Isabella and Toylet.

Toy.

I can’t imagine from whence proceeds this change.
You that us’d to love Parks, Plays, Balls, DrawingRooms,
Picquet, Bassett, and such nice Conversation.
You’d not endure my Lady Lockup, because she entertain’d
you with nothing but railing at her Servants; of their
Waste, and her good House-wifery; nor Mr. Self-love,
because he always got to the Glass before you; my Lady
Wrinkle
laid on too much White, and my Lady Blouze too
much Red, and Mrs. Coquet engross’d the whole Company:
My Lady Prattle fill’d your Ears with the Beauty and Wit
of her Children.

Isa.

And is there any thing so disagreeable on Earth, as
the Sayings of Miss and Mass repeated: But what of all this?

Toy.Toylet B3r 5

Toy.

Why then, I wrack my poor Brain in finding out
why you spend so much time with your Country Cousin,
Mrs. Dowdy; who is the very reverse of every thing you
us’d to admire.

Isa.

Charity, Toylet, perfect Charity. You know my
aukward Cousin wants Instructions: She’s left a rich Widow,
and comes to London on purpose to Dress and make
a Figure.

Toy.

Born and bred in Somersetshire; never five Miles
from Home before, wore the Cloath of her own Spinning,
dain’d to make her own Butter, paid the Labourers their
Wages on Work-days, and took a Jigg with them on
Holy-days. She will make a Figure indeed, by that time
the Fashion-mungers have done with her. Pardon me,
Madam, if I can’t help thinking you have some stronger
Motive than Charity.

Isa.

What does your Wisdom guess?

Toy.

Why truly, Madam, I should guess your Ladyship
may have some small Pulse for the handsome young Officer
that Mrs. Dowdy is so much affraid you should see,
and thrust you into the Bed-Chamber, when he came into
the Dining-Room: I remember with what Fury you
catch’d up the red-hot Poker, and burnt a Hole through
the Door to look at him: Belvil, I think they call his
Name.

Isa.

Upon my Life thou hast hit it, Girl; I’ll not conceal
my Plot, since I design thee Chief Instrument. If
you remember, I told you that five Years since I was in
France; and my Mother’s Sister being of the Romish Perswasion,
had enter’d her self among the Augustines in Paris:
She over-perswaded me to Board there too, hoping (I suppose)
from her endeavours to make me quit my Religion,
and profess my self a Nun: During my aboad there, this
very Gentleman us’d to make me frequent Visits at the
Grate; the first time I saw him he came a long with anothertherB3v6
that paid a Compliment to a young Lady of the
same Convent: Our Acquaintance held near two
Months. ’Twas then, Toylet, that I felt the force of Love,
but not without a thousand Protestations of the same from
him. But my Father hearing of my Aunts design, and
apprehending my Youth, (for I was then not full sixteen)
might be prevail’d upon to change my Faith, sent for
me to England in such haste, that I was not permitted to
stay one Hour in the Monastery after the Messenger arrived;
so had no opportunity to inform Belvil of my Departure.

Toy.

I presume you’ve kept a Correspondence ever since.

Isa.

No, I knew not how to direct to him; he told me
he had been bred in the Spanish-Netherlands, and came to
France only for his Pleasure: His Parents (he said) were
English, and he spoke the Language very well.

Toy.

Nor did not you inform him of your Family?

Isa.

He often prest it, and I promis’d to satisfie him;
but my Father’s unexpected Commands broke all our Measures;
and from that Day, till I saw him here, I never
heard of him.

Toy.

And what is your Design now, Madam? I fear he
is a Man of Gallantry; besides you know he makes love
to your Cousin; you cannot love him still sure?

Isa.

Indeed I do; nay more, can love nothing else.

Toy.

What will you do with Sir Charles Richley then?
who your Father upon his Death-Bed enjoyn’d you to
marry, whom he contracted you to in your Childhood.

Isa.

I cannot love him; it was in my Nonage, and the
Barter’s illegal; and therefore I’ll not Mind it; besides I’m
inform’d he is in Love elsewhere, and cares as little for me
as I for him; and I would not be a Wife i’th’ Mode.

Toy.

In my Opinion, Sir Charles has all the Accomplishments
of his Sex, and a fair Estate.

Isa.

I own it; but I have a whimsical Heart, not to be
touch’d with Jointures and Settlements.

Toy.Toylet B4r 7

Toy.

And if I have any skill in Faces, Belvil is a general
Lover.

Isa.

No matter; my Conquest will be the greater to
get him from them all; besides, I will run any risk to break
this unreasonable Contract.

Toy.

What you please, Madam; I am ready to convey
a Letter or a Message to him.

Isa.

No, I have a Stratagem to try his Temper, and
fathom his Inclinations, I do not intend to discover my
self to him, till I have him within my Power, beyond a
possibility of retreat. Come in with me, and I’ll give thee
a full Relation, and prepare our selves for my design.

Exit.
The Scene Changes to Belvil’s Lodgings, Belvil
in a Night-Gown playing on a Flute; he lays it
down and looks upon his Watch.

Bel.

Ha! ’tis time to Dress. Robin.

Enter Robin.

Robin.

Sir.

Bel.

My Things.

Robin.

Here’s a Letter for you, Sir.

Bel.

Takes it and looks on it, then gives it him again.

Lay it by.

Robin.

Won’t you read it, Sir.

Bel.

No, I know the Hand. Egad, it is as hard to get
rid of a Citizen’s Wife, when listed in her Service, as
Subsistance out of the Hand of an Agent, who is just
setting up his Coach: She’s as troublesome as a Dun when
our Stock’s exhausted.

Robin.

Here’s another Letter, Sir; and the Footman
stays for an Answer.

Bel.Belvill B4v 8

Bel.

Lucinda’s Character! Slave, how durst you defer
my Joy so long?

Robin.

Oh, Sir, ever whilst you live the sweetest Bit
for the last.

Bel.

ReadsThe Brightness of the Day tempts me to a
Morning’s Walk; if you’ve an Inclination, you’ll find me in
the Park at Twelve,
Lucinda. An Inclination! Yes, I have
an Inclination; I wish you would gratifie it. Bid the
Footman wait; I’ll send an Answer.

Exit.

Rob.

Yes, Sir.

Enter Peeper.

Robin.

So, Mrs. Peeper; what News from Somersetshire?

Peep.

Somersetshire, Manners; you shou’d have said
St. James’s; for my Lady is as great a Belle as the best of
’em, I assure you that.

Re-enter Belvil.

Robin.

A Belle! so is a Broom-stick.

Bel.

Carry this Letter to the Footman. Well, Mrs.
Peeper
, what Affair brings you?

Peep.

I come from my Lady, Sir: She――

Bel.

Dressing himself.Robin, my Coat.

Peep.

Is Impatient till she sees you: All the Trades in
the Creation are employ’d in her Dress; she spares no Art
to charm you; there’s Milliners, Mantua-makers, Tirewomen,
and so forth.

Bel.

My Watch.

Peep.

Amongst a Crowd of Compleaters, a Match-maker
has shuffled in, and proposes one Sir John Sharper to her;
if you are cold you’ll lose her, upon my Virginity, you will.

Bel.

My Sword.

Peep.

Ha! how careless you are; what, not a Word?
In Truth, I don’t know where you’ll find such another
Fool, as my Mistriss, with Fifty Thousand Pound.

Bel.Belvill C1r 9

Bel.

My Perriwigg.

Peep.

Sure, if you don’t value my Lady, you might answer
me.

Bel.

My Handkerchief and Snuff-box. So am I well
now, Mrs. Peeper?

Adjusting himself.

Peep.

Well: Ah! Nature has been but too kind to you.
But, Sir, concerning my Lady; you know I am entirely
in your Interest.

Bel.

Why then to be sincere with thee, I never did, nor
never shall care Three-pence for her, without one thing.

Peep.

But her Fortune, Sir.

Bel.

Shall never tempt me to marry her at a venture.

Peep.

No! why then to what purpose do you court her?
’Tis calling your Gallantry in question to suspect an Intreague.

Bel.

No faith, Peeper, my design is quite another thing;
and if thou wou’dst assist me――

Peep.

In any thing, Sir, within my Power.

Bel.

Say’st thou! there then Gives her Money. When
we wou’d have a Lawyer plead heartily, we must not forget
his Fee.

Peep.

You are so generous, that to keep up the Simile,
Lawer-like, I’ll spare no Breath to serve you.

BRob.

But don’t you carry the Simile too far, and take
Bribes on both sides.

Peep.

I scorn it. Instruct me, Sir.

Bel.

Find some way to persuade her to let me see the
Writings of her Estate; tell her ’tis the only way to fix
me; for what ever we say in Commendation of your Sex,
Beauty, Shape, Wit, and so forth, is but the Fable; the
Moral is the Money, Girl.

Peep.

But you won’t marry her you say, Sir?

Bel.

Not till I am satisfied what she’s worth, my Dear,
but these Writings must be seen: Upon Honour, it Cshall C1v10
shall turn as much to your Account, whether I marry her or
not.

Peep.

Nay then――Well, Sir, it shall be done; when will
you prove it?

Bel.

Two Hours hence.

Peep.

Your Servant.

Exit. Enter Sir Charles Richley.

Sir Cha.

What, just upon the Wing? I’m glad I’ve nick’t
the time, and find you without Company.

Bel.

Why, have you Secrets to impart? Robin, leave us.
Exit Robin. Come, come, disclose some warm, wishing,
kind, consenting Fair: Or is it a plump, soft, wholesome
Country Girl thou woud’st consign over to thy Friend.
I’m not nice, nor care who plucks the Rose I smell to,
provided it has not lost its sweetness.

Sir Cha.

Sure thou thinkest the Business of the World is
converted into Wenching.

Bel.

I’m sure there’s no pleasure in that Business where a
Woman is not concern’d.

Sir Cha.

A Woman is the Subject. But such a Woman.

Bel.

Bright as the Morn, when first the World began,

And I am doom’d to be the happy Man.

Sir Cha.

I fear so, Belvil.

Bel.

Then she is in Love with me? where does she live?
what’s her Name? how dignify’d or distinguish’d? by
Mistress, Madam, or Right Honourable――Maid, Wife, or
Widow? Quick, quick disclose.

Sir Cha.

’Tis Lucinda.

Bel.

The Devil! have you rais’d my expectation to this
height, then pall me with an Acquaintance? But what of
her?

Sir Cha.Sir Charles C2r 11

Sir Cha.

You brought me into the Danger; I came
wounded off, and have no hopes of Cure, but from your
roving Temper. You weigh the Sex alike, and without a
Pang may give me leave to try my Fortune with her.

Bel.

This comes of carrying a Friend to see one’s Mistress.
Why, I thought you had been engag’d from your
Childhood. Come will you be upon the square, bring me
to your Mistriss; if I like her as well as I do Lucinda, perhaps
we may agree upon the change.

Sir Cha.

I will: she cannot fail to charm thee; all Eyes,
but mine, adore her: and sure ’twas the Malice of our
Stars caus’d our Fathers to conclude the Match, where Interest
only held the Scale, and gentle Love fled from either
side: But be serious. How far are you engag’d with Lucinda?

Bel.

Faith, ’tis a kind of intricate Story, but you must
be satisfied. I have been bred a Soldier of Fortune, and
am to this Day ignorant who my Parents were. The Man
who took care of me, always told me England was my Native
Country, taught me the Language; and for ought I
know, some travelling Prince begot me: My Foster-Father
was in Battle kill’d, and never gave me farther Light: I had
still an Inclination to see this Country.

Sir Cha.

This Story seems Romantick――

Bel.

You’ll think it so before I have done: Being landed,
and travelling with my Servant towards London, I lost
my way; Night came on; when, at a distance, we discovered
Lights and made up to ’em. It proved Lucinda’s
Country House: Her Uncle, Sir Thomas Beamont, kindly
receiv’d and entertain’d us.

Sir Cha.

Lucky Chance!

Bel.

So it prov’d to them; for that very Night her
House was beset with Thieves: Their number must have
prevail’d but for our unexpected Aid; we beat them off,
preserv’d their Wealth, and perhaps their Lives. The LadyC2dy C2v12
express’d a thousand Thanks. The old Man grew Inquisitive,
who I was, and whence I came. I frankly told
him the Story of my Life: He stood amaz’d and ask’d me
fifty Questions, and seem’d surpriz’d at every Answer.

Sir Cha.

Well; and what ensu’d upon that?

Bel.

Why, he has ever since been mighty fond of me,
and forc’d Money upon me, which I could scarcely make
him take my Note for.

Sir Cha.

You’re establish’d every way; his kindness promotes
your Interest with his Niece.

Bel.

Quite contrary: His generous Carriage has oblig’d
me to swear to him, never to attempt to marry her, if she
should consent without his leave, which he seems still averse
to. I confess I love her beyond the rest of her Sex,
except one I saw thro’ a Grate in France, that I could never
hear of since: yet this restraint keeps me from pressing
my Suit for Marriage, and I have too much respect to attempt
the other.

Sir Cha.

Does she know the Injunction?

Bel.

No; that he forbad me too――Besides, she is devoted
to Platonick Notions.

Sir Cha.

I never mind that in a handsome Woman: This
generous Declaration draws another Question, why do
you address Mrs. Dowdy?

Bel.

That’s another injunction of the old Gentleman’s,
to procure the Writings of an Estate out of her
Hands, that her Husband cheated a Relation of his of.
You see, Sir Charles, I have a World of Business cut out,
and have made you entirely my Confident: No foul play;
do ye hear?

Sir Cha.

There can be none with a Prince that aims at
universal Monarchy. But setting Love apart, last Night
after you left us, there came a Fellow into the Chocolate-
House, who pretended he had made a Campaign in the
Nature of a Voluntier; and amongst a number of palpable LyesC3r13
Lyes, swore, at the Battle of Blenheim, he pursu’d a French
General over the Danube, and took him Prisoner on the other
side, then brought him over upon his Back; the Enemies
Cannon playing at him all the while: The Company
laugh’d: I confess it rais’d my Spleen, and I
cou’d not forbear saying, That Action was too Glorious in
it self to want a Romance to illustrate it.

Bel.

So I suppose you brought a squabble upon your
Hands.

Sir Cha.

No; he swore, look’d big, bluster’d, and walk’d
off.

Enter Robin and a Porter.

Robin.

Sir Charles, here’s a Porter with a Letter.

Port.

Sir, a Gentleman that saw you come in here, bid
me give you this.

Sir Cha.

Peruses the Letter.

Very well, I’ll come to
him: Ha, ha, ha.

Exit Porter.

Bel.

Him! what, ’tis not a Challenge I hope? I must go
with you.

Sir Cha.

Suppose it true, ’tis not fair to carry a second
when the Inviter names none. But ’tis no such thing:
Adieu.

Exit Sir Charles.

Bel.

If this shou’d be a Duel now――I cou’d never forgive
my self for letting him go alone, especially if he
comes to any harm.

Robin.

Why; suppose he should be kill’d, Sir.

Bel.

Rascal, I had rather suppose you hang’d, Sir.

Robin.

A sudden Death prevents a great deal of Vexation,
Sir, sometimes

Bel.

How do you make that out?

Robin.

Why, when a Man takes his sick Bed, the sad
Formalities that attend it, are more dreadful than Death
it self: His Friends and Relations all weeping round his Bed;C3v14 Bed; a Lawyer, brib’d by his Spouse to urge the Will:
That made, the Sorrow is finish’d; each then enquire after
their Legacy: And the disconsolate Wife having borrowed
a Weed of her Neighbour, is consulting her Glass to
see how it becomes her. Her Thoughts are where to find
another Husband; the Servants Heads full of their Mourning:
So that if the dying Man calls for a Cordial; flap,
they give him a Bolous――he desires to be rais’d――They
pull away the Pillow.

Bel.

Ha, ha.

Robin.

The Doctor, whose Prescription has poison’d
him, orders a double Dose of Opium, to smooth his Passage
to the other World; takes his two Guineas Fee,
throws himself into his Chariot, and bids his Coachman
drive on to the next Patient. Now, Sir, a Bullet, or an
Oilet-hole in the Guts prevents all this.

Bel.

You must preach this when we are raising Recruits,
Sirrah; Ha, ha. But I must to the Park to meet
Lucinda.

Enter Isabella and Toylet, mask’d.

Isa.

Oh, Sir! if you are a Gentleman protect me.

Bel.

Ha! from what, Madam. Egad, I shall be famous
for delivering distress’d Dam’sels.

Isa.

Pursu’d by an old jealous Husband, whom I married
by my Friends Command, when I had given my
Heart and Vows to another; he begg’d for one kind parting
Hour; which I, in pity, granted: But, Oh! the ill-
fated Moment brought both my Husband and my Father
to be Spectators of our Meeting; they call’d for help to
seize him, but he leapt the Balcony; and in the Bustle I
escaped with my Woman, but know not whither.

Toy.

Bless me! what a Story has she patch’d up.

Bel.Belvill C4r 15

Bel.

Fear not, Madam. I’ll defend you against all the
Fathers and Husbands in Christendom.

Rob.

And I will take your Ladiship’s Woman into my
Protection.

Bel.

If your Face answers your Shape and Mien, I cannot
blame your Husband’s Fears: Convince me, Madam.

Isab.

After what I have told you, if you are generous,
you will not ask to see my Face. Give me but Sanctuary
here till Night, shall favour my escape to a Friend’s
House.

Bel.

Command it, Madam――Robin, a Curse of Fortune,
to send me a Collation at home, when I’m engaged abroad:
But I must not disappoint Lucinda. Madam, Business
of the last Consequence calls me out; but my return
shall be sudden. Can I serve you, by enquiring if the
Storm be over?

Isab.

By no means: enquiry wou’d ruin me. At your
return, perhaps I shall inform you more.

Bel.

Humph! that was kindly insinuated――Robin,
give Orders that no Person be admitted into my Lodgings
in my absence. Madam, your most humble.

Exit.

Toy.

Well, Madam, what’s your next Project? The
Gentleman shew’d but little Curiosity. ’Tis certainly an
Assignation that hurried him hence――Or he had been
more pressing to have seen your Face; and if he had, he
wou’d infallibly have remember’d you, and then your Plot
wou’d have been spoil’d.

Isab.

’Tis impossible: For having had the Small-Pox
since, I am perswaded he will not know me. He says he
will return instantly; in the mean time I’ll view his
Lodgings.

Toy.

To what end will you stay? ’Tis ten to one if he
comes back these six Hours.

Isab.

No matter; I resolve to finish what I once begin.
I’ll

Pur- C4v 16

Pursue his Steps, and trace ’em with such Art,

Discover all the Secrets of his Heart:

The Petty Tyrants by my Plots dethrone:

And there erect an Empire of my own.

The End of the First Act.

Act II.

Scene the Park.

Enter Lucinda and Betty.

Luc.

What shou’d be the reason of Belvill’s
stay, Betty? I wish I had not sent to
him, I’m very uneasie: How calm my Hours were before
I knew this Man.

Betty.

I thought Platonick Love never disturb’d the
Mind, Madam.

Luc.

Yes, when the Friendship is nice and particular.

Betty.

Nay, nay, I never knew Friendship in different
Sexes but came to particulars at last: See here he is.

Enter Belvill and Robin.

Bel.

So the bright Cyprian Goddess moves,

When loose, and in her Chariot drawn by Doves,

She rides to meet the War-like God she loves.

Embraces her.

Luc.

Hey; what Lady have you lavish’d your Wit upon
this Morning, that you are forc’d to Trade upon other
Mens Stocks?

Bel.Belvill D1r 17

Bel.

Hang these Poetical Rogues, they publish every pretty
Thought, that a Gentleman’s forc’d to borrow to express
his own Notions.

Luc.

Pray how do ye apply the last Line, Belvill?
――To meet the warlike God she loves.
You may be vain enough to think your self a Mars――
But when did I betray the Weakness of a Venus?

Bel.

S’life Madam! I ask your Pardon, this villainous Love
is got into my Heart, and dictates so fast to my Tongue,
I had quite forgot your Platonicks.

Luc.

And our Articles last Night too I suppose.

Bel.

Ah, the Study’s as crabbed as the Law――And
the Practice as unpleasant as Pennance. Imprimis, that I
must take Pains to make the World understand our Conversation
is only Friendship, and tho’ no Body will believe
me――Swear I admire the Beauties of your Mind――
without regarding those of your Person――Protest I have
no desire to Kiss those rosie Lips――press that soft white
Hand――and Sigh my Soul, out in your Bosome.

Lucinda,[Speaker label not present in original source]

Lucinda aside.

The Devil! How the Fellow talks――
To him, All this you must positively observe――But then
consider the freedoms I allow Ballances the restraint. I promise
you all publick Marks of my Favour; my Conduct
is sincere and open, I hate a false Prude who won’t know
a Gentleman in Company, tho’ three Hours before she had
held private Conference with him in her Bed-chamber; that
solemnly declares she never writ or receiv’d a Billet Doux in
her Life, and knows at the same time she keeps a Woman on
purpose for the Business.

Bel.

Like your reforming Ladies, who all the while they
are giving a young Fellow advice against Wenching, their
Looks slyly insinuate a liking to his Person.

Luc.

Or Mrs. Prim the Poetical She-Philosopher, whose
Discourse and Writings are fill’d with Honour and strict
Rules of Virtue; that vows she cou’d not Sleep if she was Dguilty D1v18
guilty of one criminal Thought――yet is terribly wrong’d
if she has not twice slipt aside for a natural Tympany.

Bel.

Oh! How I hate the noise of Virtue in my Ears
from a Woman――whom I know lives by Vice; and ’tis
a Maxim with me――That she who rails most, yields
soonest.

Luc.

I have the same Opinion of those Men, who boast
much of their Secrecy, only for an opportunity to gain
something to betray――Well, I think our Sentiments
agree, therefore I hope you submit to the Conditions.

Bel.

When one has given a Tyrant Power ’tis Prudence
to obey.

Luc.

Hold; One thing more; During this League you
must address no other Woman.

Bel.

The Devil! You’l next prescribe my Eating, Drinking,
Sleeping, Walking――Nay, even Thinking! Madam,
I suppose you have read of Æsop’s Ox. S’death! Madam
I am of Cowley’s Mind, when I am all Soul, I shall
keep your Rules.

Luc.

Nay, don’t believe I am jealous, but it wou’d
touch my Pride, to have it said the Man that I esteem’d
worthy to be seen with――was Mistress such a Ones
conquest――

Bel.

So by what I can discover, you’d have me have no
other Affair on upon my Hands, but waiting upon you to
no purpose.

Luc.

To no purpose! Is not Friendship the noblest Aim
of human Kind?

Bel.

Had your Parents thought so, the World had never
known your Charms, Ha, ha, ha. Well, but when
I have Sworn all this, what Tye have I upon you?

Luc.

Oh you need not fear me――I have an indifference
to your whole Sex.

Bel.

Heigh, ho! Sighs

Luc.

Why do you Sigh?

Bel.Belvil On- D2r 19

Bel.

Only reflecting on the desperate Case of a Friend
of mine, who confess’d to me half an Hour ago he was
dying for Love of you.

Luc.

Dying for me! Who is it Belvill?

Bell.

Ha, my Platonick Lady, hang me if I tell
you――

Luc.

Nay, let it alone――I care not――I think I
am weary with walking; you have often Importun’d me
to see the Collection of Pictures you brought over. Come,
my Maid’s with me, I’le go now and Drink some Tea with
you.

Bel.

Oh the Devil! What a time she has chose now―― Robin, Zounds――what shall we do with the Woman
that is at home?

Aside to Robin

Rob.

Ah pox of Ill-luck; Choak me If I know Sir?

Luc.

What’s that Whisper? He shan’t stir a step before
me――I’ll have nothing but Tea.

Bel.

Dear Madam, let him go, he, he, he, he, sha,
sha, shall only get a little Jelly, or Sweet-meats or so――
Robin,, Sirrah, lock her into your Garret.

Aside to Robin.

Rob.

It shall be done Sir.

Luc.

I say it shall not be done Sir.

Rob.

Then we are all undone Sir.

aside.

Luc.

I hate Sweet-Meats in a Morning, ’twill spoil my
Dinner――There’s something more; I read Confusion
in his Face.

aside

Bel.

But Mrs. Betty does I’m sure――Pray let him
go.

Luc.

I tell you no Scout shall go before――

Rob.

What shall I do――Oh Sir, why you forget
Sir Charles, whom you resolv’d to prevent Fighting the
Duel.

Luc.

This is a new-born Lye――I’ll humour it, but resolve
to find it out.

Aside. D2 Bel.Belvill True, D2v 20

Bel.

True, but this Lady makes me forget all other
Friends.――

Luc.

To preserve Sir Charles is of greater consequence than my Visit, I’ll defer that till some other time; you’l
see me to my Coach.

Bel.

The Rogue has brought me off――Tho’ I hope
Sir Charles is in no Danger.aside I wou’d not lose
the pleasure of your kind Intention: Let it be to Morrow
Madam.

Luc.

I’ll think on’t; Come――

Exit.

Rob.

So here’s a Guinea slap, for my Master always
rewards my Politicks.

Exit. Enter Mr. Sharper.

Sharp.

The Devil! Never Man was so drawn into a
Kicking certainly――Ah hang Dog――Enter Equipage.
Are you there? You are always out of the way when
you shou’d do a Body any Service.

Equi.

Service, Sir!

Sharp.

Ay Service Sir: I was appointed to meet a
pretty Lady in Hide-Park, and being there before her
Hour, comes me up a Blustering Fellow, who pretending
I had sent him a Challenge, drew upon me, so I was
oblig’d to Fight him; and Egad if I had not understood
Fencing very well, I had been whipt tho’ the Lungs,
for he had a cursed long Reach――but I closed in
with him, tripp’d up his Heels, took away his Sword,
and gave him his Life.

Equi.

Oh the damn’d Lye――This was a Plot of my
contrivance, and I have seen him fairly Kick’d.

aside.

Sharp.

What’s that you mutter?

Equi.Equipage I D3r 21

Equi.

I was saying to my self, Sir, ’twas very unfortunate,
for ten to one but you’d lost the Lady by it.

Sharp.

Egad and so I did, for she shriek’d out, and
drove away like the Devil, when she saw us engag’d.

Equi.

Where will his Lyes end aside. She was very
hard Hearted Sir, not to send her Coach-man to part ye.

Sharp.

And discover our Intreague.

Equi.

True, I’d forgot that――Well, Sir, you know I
still follow in hopes of my Wages.

Sharp.

I owe you none, Sirrah; Han’t I a Receipt to
shew――however because you are sometimes an useful――
Rascal you shall stay with me, and partake my good Fortune;
I expect an Emissary with News about the rich Widow
I was telling you of.

Equi.

Shall I believe him or no――if there were any
hopes I’d stick close Aside. Nay, Sir, you know what
an Affection I have for you――

Sharp.

Yes, you Dog, I know it full well――but conveniency
sometimes makes a Man of Honour pocket Affronts.

Equi.

What have I done Sir?

Sharp.

Sirrah, you might have kept me out of the Chocolate-House
when I was Drunk last Night, and brought
this Quarrel upon my Hands.

Equi.

Oh, Sir! But as long as you Conquer’d your
Man――

Sharp.

Peace, here comes Mrs. Brazen.

Equi.

A fit Companion by my Troth.

Enter Mrs. Brazen.

Mrs. Braz.

Good Morrow noble Squire.

Sharp.

My Genius, my better Angel! well how fares my
buxsome Widow, ha?

Mrs. Braz.Mrs.Brazen D3v 22

Mrs. Braz.

Fortune smiles upon my Lad of Iron. I have
been with her all this Morning, and I have prais’d thee
from Head to Foot――I have set her a Gog, I’ll warrant
thee Boy.

Sharp.

Did you touch upon my Courage?

Equi.

His Courage! Ah, in what Latitude does that lie?Aside.

Mrs. Braz.

Thy Valour Boy! I said thou wert a meer
Hercules Man both in Love and War! I told her you had
a large Estate, and you were of the antient Family of the
O Sharpers in Ireland, dear Joy.

Sharp.

Pox, why in Ireland?

Mrs. Braz.

Oh! because the Irish-Men carry away all
the Fortunes――I said you kept your own Coach too.

Sharp.

I hope you said I had left it in my own Country
then――

Mrs. Braz.

No, no, here Man――I can help thee to
a Coach Boy from the Knights to my Lord Dukes: Why,
’tis my Business I tell thee; if there were occasion I can
have half a dozen Foot-men in Liveries too.

Equi.

Heark ye Mistress――observe my Stature――
Humph――A’n’t I a handsome Fellow? Setting himself
out
Help me to a Fortune now, and you shall
go halves.

Mrs. Braz.

Say you so? I’ll put you down in my Book;
you are not the first Servant I have rais’d to a Lady’s
Bed――as ’tis well known in this Town.

Puts him down in
her Book.

Sharp.

But when must I see her Mrs. Brazen? I am Impatient.

Mrs. Braz.

See her――but look ye Squire you know
the Conditions, when shall we Sign and Seal――for you’l
grant I must live out of my honest Endeavours. I’m sure
I take a great deal of Pains for my Thousand Pounds――
up early and down late――then Mercy on me, how do I stretchD4r23
stretch my Conscience when I am setting out one of you
young Rogues!

Sharp.

But are you sure she’l have me?

Mrs. Braz.

Sure? I can perswade them to any thing let
me come at ’em. Heark ye under the Rose, ’tis a Receipt
of mine has prevailed with all the old Women to marry of
late――

Sharp.

Away! Let’s to the Tavern, and over a Cup of
mull’d Sack seal to thy Demands.

Mrs. Braz.

With all my Heart――Come Sirrah, hold
up your Head, you are in my Book you Rogue, and that’s
the High Road to Preferment, Sirrah.

Equi.

Along then. A hey for Little Equipage.

Exeunt.

Scene changes to Belvill’s Lodgings.

Enter Isabella and Toylet.

Toy.

What think you now Madam――cou’d any thing
but a Mistress make him guilty of such Ill-manners, to
leave a Lady in distress so long――

Isab.

Most certain――my Patience is quite worn out――
I must go.

Toy.

Dear Madam, since we have escap’d hitherto undiscover’d,
think of him no more.

Isab.

Don’t you trouble your self about that, I shan’t give
him over thus――but do you get me a Chair.

Toy.

Yes, Madam.

Exit.

Isab.

Let me examine my self a little. What have I undertaken
here――A duce of too much Liberty――If
my old Dad had been alive, I durst not have gone a Rover
hunting thus. Do I value Reputation――Yes, as much
as any Body does――that follows their Inclination―― Ay,D4v24
Ay, but whether will that Inclination carry me? Why,
not beyond the Rules of Honour, and then――a Fig for
the Censure of the World, I say――Oh! Here he comes.Claps on her Mask.

Enter Belvill and Robin.

Bel.

Now Madam I am entirely yours, pray oblige me
with your Commands. I hope you have not been disturb’d.

Isab.

No way but by my Grief Sir――

Bel.

I long to see her Face.Aside. Banish Grief, you
are here secure, lay by Constraint――and venture to
Unmask――Sparkling Eyes――Lovely Hair――I shall
run Mad.Aside.

Isab.

I thought I had had your Promise not to ask
that.

Bel.

Promise, Madam――S’Death, I, I, I, faith Madam;
I won’t tell your Husband, if I happen to know
him.

Isab.

Indeed――Indeed, I shan’t put it in your Power.

Bel.

Robin, run call out Fire――Thieves, or the
Devil――that she may drop her Mask in the Surprize.

Aside to Rob.Robin

Rob.

Yes Sir, yes Sir, Sir,Goes and comes back.
Here’s Sir Charles coming up.

Isab.

Sir Charles! I am undone.Aside.
For Heaven’s sake, Sir, give me leave to retire; if I am
seen, I’m ruin’d.

Bel.

In, in quickly.Runs in. Enter Sir Charles.
Oh! Sir Charles, I have been in some Apprehensions for
you, tho’ you seem’d to disguise the Matter; it was a
Duel: Ha!

Sir. Cha.Sir Charles E1r 25

Sir Char.

Something like it.

Bel.

I see thy Sword has not fail’d thee.

Sir Char.

No, nor my Shoes neither! I have us’d them
pretty fairly since I went out――

Bel.

In Walking?

Sir Char.

No in Kicking――’twas the very numerical
Coward I told thee of――at the Chocolate-House――
When I bid him draw, he swore he came to meet a Lady and
was not prepar’d for Fighting――deny’d the Challenge,
and provok’d me to a warm Breathing. And this was the
end of my Adventure.

Bel.

Ha, ha, ha, I’ll be hang’d if ’twas not Mr. Sharper.

Sir. Char.

The very same――a Gentleman told me so as I
came out of the Park. But prethee Belvill let me go into thy
Dressing-Room, to put my self a little in Order, after
this Heat; Come Robin help me.

Going in.

Bel.

Hold, hold, hold!

Stops him.

Sir Char.

Why, what’s the matter? You han’t a Wench
there have you?

Bel.

No, then I wou’d not stop you, but ’tis a Woman
of Condition.

Sir Char.

How my Blood chills――’tis Lucinda.

Bel.

The same; She had a Mind to see my Pictures, I
know not if she is willing to be seen.

Sir. Char.

You are a Happy Man――Adieu.

Bel.

Your Servant.

Sir. Charles
going off meets
Lucinda and
Betty, they
both start.

Luc.

Sir Charles, I am glad to see you in
Safety; Belvill left me abruptly――to prevent
a Duel he said you were ingag’d in――I resolv’d
to follow and inquire after it.

Sir Char.

I am happy if I created the least
Concern in you, Madam. Heark ye Belvill, doubtless you
mistook the Lady’s Name within.

Aside to Belvill.

Bel.

Confusion! She here? Then I am caught.

Luc.

Well, Sir Charles, all Danger over; now for the
Pictures.

E Bel.Belvill What E1v 26

Bel.

What the Devil shall I say.Aside. Faith Madam you have surpriz’d me a little, Batchellor’s
Lodgings are seldom in Order――please to take one turn
in the Garden, and they shall be prepar’d for you. Dear
Charles bring me off this once, and I’ll tell you all hereafter.

Aside to Sir Charles.

Sir Char.

Come Madam, there’s as many Curiosities in the
Garden, as in the Gallery; let him set his things in Order,
ha, ha.

Slyly.

Luc.

Make hast then for my Uncle will stay Dinner.

Going. Enter Toylet Mask’d. Running to Lucinda.

Toy.

Madam there’s a Chair――I was stop’d――

Luc.

Sweet-heart I want no Chair, my Coach is here.

Toy.

Oh wretched! What have I done now?

amaz’d.

Bel.

Ah! The Devil wou’d not let me ’scape――thus――

Aside confounded.

Luc.

So, I apprehend the Disorder of your Rooms now
Sir――

Sir Char.

Ha, sure ’tis Toylet’s Voice――then she within
shou’d be Isabella――if I must Marry her my Honour is
concern’d, and I shall have occasion for my Sword in earnest
――I’ll to her House this Moment, e’re I upbraid
him.

Exit.

Luc.

Perfidious Man――to use such Artifice to me.

Bel.

I confess it has a Face against me, but give me
leave, and I will tell you the whole Story――

Isab.

Say you so, but I’ll prevent that――

Isabella peeping. Enter Isabella.

Luc.

No Sir, you need not, her self will do it.

Bel.

Gad, with all my Heart――Walking about in a Passion.
Let her tell the plain Truth―― HowE2r27
How came you here Madam?

Isab.

How came I here, why was it not your own Appointment?
Are you false? Did you not come with Hast
and Rapture, and tell me what Excuses you had made――
to get an Hour the Happiest of your Life?

Bel.

S’death and Hell! What’s the meaning of this? Did
you not tell me Madam?――

Luc.

Go you are base, what Confusion you are in? Pray
Madam what was your Business here?

Isab.

My Business Madam, the same with yours I suppose;
if I had not lov’d him, I had not come hither; and
if you had not been Jealous you had not followed us――
My Chair waits――and so farewel, your Servant.

Exit.

Luc.

Distraction! Affronted too――very well, Sir.

Walking about.

Bel.

Upon my Faith Madam ’tis all a Trick――they are
two Devils; was ever Man thus abused? Robin run, force
them back――I’ll unmask them before your Face, and
make them confess their damn’d Design.

Passionately.

Rob.

Yes, yes, I’ll bring them back with a Vengeance;
put their Shams upon Gentlemen.

Exit Robin.

Bel.

Madam hear me but speak――

Luc.

No! nor ever see thee more――for now I am convinc’d
there is not one of all thy cursed flattering Race――
that is not Perjur’d in his turn.

Bel.

By all the burning Passion in my Breast, which I feel
your Anger blow yet higher――These Women came――

Luc.

No matter why nor whence they came――since I have
seen them here――Our Conversation ends, approach me
not, for by all the torturing Pangs of jealous Love—for I
do find it Love, had I a Dagger I’d fix it in thy Heart or
mine, sooner than think of being reconcil’d

[Exit.]

Bel.

’Tis in vain to follow her. So, I thought by my
self, what our Platonicks wou’d come to. But who can this E2Wo- E2v28
Woman be? She is either set on, or else Egad she’s another
Platonick, that has taken a liking to my Person too. Enter Robin. Well Sirrah, where are they, what said they, what were
they?

Rob.

Devils, Sir, Devils! I believe they vanish’d—for I
cou’d not find them—

Bel.

Sirrah you look as if you ly’d.

Rob.

Faith and so I do; I got a Guinea to hold my
Tongue.

Aside.

Bel.

Rascal! tell me who they are.

Takes him by the Shoulder.

Rob.

Upon my Faith, Sir, I don’t know; but to confess
the Truth Sir, the Maid pull’d her Mask off, she was very
pretty――and said She was in Love with me; and her
Lady was a great Fortune, and desperately taken with you
Sir: So I thought ’twas pity to Hurt them, Sir, and let
them go――

Bel.

You did so Villain, have they stole nothing? Find them
out again you Dog, or I’ll cut your Ears off――I will be
justify’d――in Love with you, Vermin――I shall have a
Surgeon’s Bill to pay I suppose before next Campaign, these
are common Jilts; call me a Chair, I’ll to Lucinda’s and use
her Uncle’s Interest for my Peace—To be thus plagued for
nothing, ’twou’d vex a Stoick――S’death had it been a real
Intreague, there had been some Consolation in’t, I find Lucinda’s
Rage gives me real Pain.

Ask him who most affects the Rover’s Part,

Caressing every Fair that will be kind,

If some one Woman reigns not in his Heart;

And is the Sovereign Mistress of his Mind.

Exit.

The End of the Second Act.

E3r 29

Act III.

Enter Mrs. Dowdy, Mrs. Brazon the Match-maker, Mrs.
Wheedle
the Milliner, Mrs. Turnup the Manto-Maker,
Mrs. Crispit the Tire-Woman, and Peeper her Maid――
They all seem Talking to her.

Mrs. Dowdy,

We’l, we’l la you now, la you now Shour
and Shour you’l Gally me.

Turnup,

Here’s your Ladyships Manto and Petticoat.

Mrs. Dowdy,

Ladyship, why what a main difference is
here between this Town and the Country――I was never
call’d above Forsooth in all my Life――Mercy on me,
why you ha spoil’d my Petticoat mun, zee Peeper, She
has cut it in a Thousand Bits.

Peep.

Oh, that’s the Fashion, these are Furbelows Madam――
’tis the prettiest made Coat――

Mrs. Dowdy.

Furbelow’s, a murrain take ’em, they spoil
all the Zilk――good strange, shour London Women do nothing
but study Vashions, they never mind their Dairy I warant
’em.

Turn.

Ladies have no other employment for their Brain――
and our Art lies in hiding the defects of Nature—Furbelows
upwards, were devised for those that have no Hips, and too
large ones, brought up the full-bottom’d Furbelows.

Millin.

And a long Neck and a hollow Breast, first made
use of the Stinkirk――and here’s a delicate one for your Ladyship
—I have a Book in my Pocket just come from France,
Intituled, The Elements of the Toylet――

Mrs. Douwd.

Elements, mercy on me! what do they get
up into the Sky now?

Peep.

A Learned Author to be sure—let me see that
Mrs. Wheedle.

Millin.Milliner E3v 30

Millin.

Here Mrs. Peeper, ’tis the Second Volume; the
First only shews an Alphabetical Index of the most notable
Pieces which enter into the Composition of a Comode.

Mrs. Dowd.

Well, I shall ne’er mind these hard Names;
Oh Sirs, Peeper, what swinging Cathedral Headgeer is this?

Peep.

Oh, Modish French Night-Clothes; Madam, what’s
here――all sorts of Dresses painted to the Life――Ha, ha, ha,
Head-cloaths to shorten the Face――Favorites to raise the
Forehead――to heighten flat Cheeks flying Cornets――four
Pinners to help narrow Foreheads and long Noses, and very
forward, to make the Eyes look Languishing-

Mrs. Dowd.

Ay, that Peeper, double it down, Oh, I love
Languishing.

Puts on an awkward Languish.

Peep.

Take it and read it at your leisure, Madam.

Mrs. Dowdy.

I shall never ha done shour zeeing all my
vine things.Tumbling her things over. Hy day, what’s these two pieces of Band-box for?

Turnup,

’Tis Past-board Madam, for your Ladyship’s Rump.

Mrs. Dowdy.

A Rump, ho, ho, ho, has Cousin Isbel a
Rump, Peeper?

Peep.

Certainly Madam.

Mrs. Dowdy.

If Cousin has one, as I hope to be Kiss’d――
I’ll have it Mrs. Turnup.

Crispit.

Will your Ladyship sit down and let me shape
your Eye-brows?

She nips her Eye-brows, she flies up and
roars out.

Mrs. Dowdy

Ods flesh, the Devil’s in you, I think, what
will you tear all the Hair off? a murrain take ye, an this be
your shaping.

Millin.

Be pleased to put on the Addition Madam.

Mrs. Dowd.

What does she mean now? To pull my Skin
off mehap next; ha Peper, are these your London Vashions?

Peeper.

No, no, Addition is only Paint, Madam.

Mrs. Dowdy.

Paint Mistress, od I’ve a good mind to hit
you a dows o’th’ Chops, zo I have, what de ye take me for
a Whore, because I’m come to London, ha? Paint quoth a.

Peep.Peeper E4r 31

Peep.

Fy, fy, Madam, Women of the first Rank think
it no Crime to help Nature in the Complexion.

Mrs. Dowdy.

Zay you zo? Nay, my Skin was ever counted
none of the best――well we’ll zhut the Door then.

Millin.

There you are in the wrong again, Madam; our
Ladies make no scruple of letting all the World see ’em lay
it on――

Mrs. Dowdy.

Well, in my Conscience and Zoul, they care
not what they zhow here――

Peep.

Madam, your Dancing-Master.

Mrs. Dowdy.

O lack, get all you into the next Room, and stay for me there.

Mrs. Braz.

Madam, you promis’d to hear a word from
me about Sir John Sharper

Exit Mrs. Brazen.

Mrs. Dowdy,

Zo I will by and by.

Enter Caper the Dancing-Master.

Caper.

Will your Ladyship please to take a Dance?

Mrs. Dowdy.

Pshaw, I hate your One, Two, Three, teach
me a London Dance mun.

Caper,

I’ll lead you a Courant Madam.

Mrs. Dowdy.

Ay, a Rant, with all my Heart, I dan’t understand
the Names, let en be a Dance, and ’tis well enough. He leads her about. Hy, hy, do you call this Dancing? ads heartlikins, in my
thoughts ’tis plain Walking; I’ll shew you one of our Country
Dances; play me a Jig.

Dances an awkward Jig.

Caper.

Oh dear, Madam you’ll quite spoil your Steps.

Mrs. Dowdy.

Dan’t tell me that――I was counted one of
the best Dancers in all our Parish, zo I was.

Peep.

Ay, round a May-pole――There are Fellows now in
this Town so wretched, that to purchase this Woman’s
Wealth, wou’d to her Face swear she’s an Angel.

Exit. Turnup. E4v 32

Turnup.

True; but if they had her once, would use her
like the Devil――This while the Dancing-Master
is setting her Arms and Breast.

Enter Peeper.

Peep.

Madam, your Singing-Master.

Exit Dancing-Mast.Master

Mrs. Dowdy.

O la, I can’t Dance no more now.

Enter Singing-Master, Preparing his Papers.

Singing-Mast.

Are you ready, Madam?

Mrs. Dowdy.

Ay, ay, Man.

Singing-Mast.

Fa, la, mi, Sol.

Mrs. Dowdy.

Louk you Friend, I can’t speak Out-landish,
but I intend to learn; I’m to have a Master come.

Singing-Mast.

This is not Out-landish, Madam, ’tis only
the Notes to try your Voice.

Mrs. Dowdy.

Nay, nay, and that be all, I’ll zing you a
Zong de ye see, and show you my Voice shour Sings a
Country Song.

Song.

As I walk’d forth one May Morning,

I heard a pretty Maid sweetly Sing

As she sat under the Cow a Milking,

Sing I shall be Marry’d a Tuesday;

I mun look Smug upon Tuesday.

I prithee Sweet-heart what makes thee to Marry,

Is your Maiden-head grown a Burthen to carry?

Or are you afraid that you shall Miscarry?

I prithe now tarry till Wednesday.

F1r 33

I pray good Sir, don’t wish me such ill,

I have kept it these Seven Years against my own Will;

I have made a Vow, and I will it fulfil,

That I will be Marry’d on Tuesday,

So I mun look Smug upon Tuesday.

A Tuesday Morn it will be all my care,

To pouder my Locks and to curl up my Hair,

And two pretty Maids for to wait on me there;

So I mun look smug upon Tuesday;

So Fine and so Smug upon Tuesday.

Then two Young Men to the Church will me bring,

Where my Husband will give me a gay Gold Ring,

But at Night he will give me a far better thing;

So I mun look Smug upon Tuesday,

So Fine and so Smug upon Tuesday.

Peep.

Madam, you’ll not be drest in your New Cloaths
by that time Captain Belvill comes.

Mrs. Dowdy.

Ods Flesh well thought on, I can Learn no
more this Morning.Exit Singing-Master.
But Peeper, when did he zay he’d come?

Peep.

In two Hours, Madam.

Mrs. Dowdy

Well, I shall Charm him zure――odso, but
where’s Cousin Bell to day; you must vetch her mun to zee
my vine Things, she’ll tell me an they be vite or not――

Peep.

Bless me Madam, she’s gone away to the Bath,
in my Lady Flounce’s Coach this Morning.

Mrs. Dowdy.

How! gone a hundred Mile and ne’er bid
one Good bye.

Peep.

Oh dear, Madam, London Ladies ne’er stand upon
Ceremony――why, Sir Charles Richly that is to marry her,
knew nothing of it――he was here just now to enquire for
her, and was extreamly Surpriz’d.

F Mrs. F1v 34

Mrs. Dowdy.

Ad she’ll make a rare Wife I’ll warrant her――
and she has zuch Frolicks—well, but you zay the Captain
will come; but an he don’t come soon, Mrs. Brazon
will bring me a Squire, or a Knight, I tell you that.

Peep.

Oh Madam, Belvill is the Sweetest, Noblest Gentleman;
besides, we should Encourage those that Defend
us.

Mrs. Dowdy

Nay, for that matter I dan’t mind, I like
a Zouldier, but not for that Reason, de ye zee, there’s
Conveniency in’t, for now I have learn’d to be a Gentlewoman,
I’ll do as the Gentle Volk do, I’ll not have another
Husband dangling at my Tail, like our Roger, that I could
ne’er spend a Shilling at a Wake or a Gossiping, but I must
be call’d to an Account for’t; but methinks he hangs off
mainly.

Peeper.

Shall I tell you, he is reckon’d the Handsomest
Man in Town, all the Ladies are in Love with him; if
you don’t mind your Hits, you’ll lose him. The only way
for a Widow to secure a Young Gentleman, is to let him
into her Estate; now Madam, did he once see the Writings
I have seen, I’d engage him yours.

Mrs. Dowdy.

But I dan’t know if it be safe or no, for I
remember Roger wou’d never let me zee ’em in all his Life,
but now he’s Dead――why what care I who zee’n; I’ll carry
him to my Trunk and shew him all――

Peep.

Oh Madam, do it decently, I’ll fetch out your Trunk,
and you shall pretend to be looking over some Mortgage,
and ask his Advice in’t.

Mrs. Dowdy.

Ay, ay, Wench, that will do, vetch ’em――Exit Peeper.
Well, I long till I am Dizned zo I do――come, come. Re-enter Peeper with the Trunk.
Zetten down, and let me put on my vine Rigging Wench,
Hark! zombody Knocks――

Peep.Peeper F2r 35

Peep.

Odso Mr. Belvil’s here――he’s come sooner than he
promis’d, which shews the greater Passion.

Mrs. Dowdy,

A murrain take these People, they staid Chattering
so long, or I might have been Dress’d now; hold away.

Runs to the Trunk and takes up the Papers. Enter Belvill.

Peeper

I have kept my Word, Sir, there are the Papers
display’d.Aside to Belvil.

Belv.

Honest Peeper――now to keep my Word with this
Old Gentleman, who has once more reconcil’d me to his
Neice――Ha! Widow, how dost thou do Widow?

Mrs. Dowdy.

Do you understand Law Captain?

Belv.

No Faith, the Sword’s my Profession, yet there are
some Cases I understand; pray what is yours, Widow?

Mrs. Dowdy.

Louk ye, I can’t Read these Lawyers Crampt
Hand de zee, and I’d pray you look ’em over a little, they
may be your own another day.

Belv.

A long day first, if thou――art an Incumbent upon
it――with all my Heart; this Industrious Wench has
wrought her to my purpose.Aside.Sits down.
Let me see. Reads. An Account of the Estate of um, um――

Mrs. Dowdy.

Did not I do it right now?

Peep.

Oh, Excellent, Madam.

Mrs. Dowdy.

Ay, ay, let me alone for Trivance, and
fiche――

Belv.

A Deed of Trust for James Beaumont Esquire. Ha,
the very Writing Sir Thomas mention’d――this must along
with me――Puts it up.Why, you are a Fortune for a
Lord, Widow.

Mrs. Dowdy.

Nay, nay, dan’t Joak――I have something
to trust to you zee Captain; you shall have warm Winter
Quarters Captain; Ho, ho――

Belv.

Well said, Widow, I’ll Kiss thee for that I’faith.

F2 Mrs. Dowdy F2v 36

Mrs. Dowdy.

Pshaw, zee now how you all white a Body,
but your Breath is zo zweet――

Belv.

I wish I could say the same by yours.

Aside.

Mrs. Dowdy.

Od in my mind it smells like a Nosegay――
pray Captain let me smell it again.

Belv.

Withal my Heart.

Kisses her again.

Mrs. Dowdy.

I like him mainly; wou’d it was over once,
that I might have ’m all to my self――

Aside.

Belv.

Oh, the Monster grows so Loving, that if Robin
comes not to my Rescue, as I order’d him, I shall be Smother’d.

Mrs. Dowdy.

Zhour, and zhour, you have Bewitch’d me
Captain; I’m all in a trembling Fit, and my Flesh glows
like an Oven zo it does.

Peep.

Oh, her Condition is easily to be guess’d; I have
been in such a Twitter my self before now.

Enter Robin hastily.

Rob.

Sir, Sir! The General stays in his Coach to speak
with you.

Belv.

My dear Widow I must beg your Pardon at this
time.

Mrs. Dowdy,

But when will you come again Captain?
they zay ’tis very unlucky to be long a Wooing.

Aside.

Belv.

I’ll speak to the Man in Black this Evening Widow,
and then――

Mrs. Dowdy,

Ay, Ay, I know what’s to be done then as
well as e’er a Londoner of ’em all.

Aside.

Bel.

to Peeper.

Heark ye I don’t think her Rich enough,
manage your Affairs with Sir John Sharper, do you hear?
But there’s thy Fee――

Exit.

Mrs. Dowdy,

Well, I shall carry a handzomer Man into
Zomerzetshire than the High-Sheriff of the County: Come Peeper,F3r37
Peeper, come in and let me Dress, for zhour if I had had all
this vine Gear on, a wou’d ha Married me now.――

Exit.

Peeper,

As much as ever――

Exit.

Scene the outside of Lucinda’s House.

Enter Isabella Drest like a Country-Maid with Toylet.

Toy.

A tite Country Lass, hang me Madam if I shou’d
know you.

Isab.

I wou’d not have you, I ought to be disguis’d for
my purpose.

Toy.

But Madam do you think Lucinda does not know
her Tenant’s Daughter that is coming up to London, which
you are to Personate?

Isab.

No, no, she never saw her; her Taylor had inform’d
me of every Circumstance; him I have brib’d to my Interest;
here he comes, get you gon, you have Belvill’s Key,
be ready for all my Orders; Act as I directed, and preserve
your Acquaintance with Robin.

Toy.

Fear me not――

Exit.

Isab.

Well Mr. Shread, do you think you can manage this
Affair?

Shread,

Manage it Madam! What is it I can’t do for this
Purse? Why Madam I can work Miracles! I can steal as
much out of a Pair of Breeches as will make a Coat; and
for telling a Lye with an honest Face, let little Shread
alone.

Isab.

I have been so much with my Cousin Dowdy since
She came to Town, I warrant I hit the Country Dialect――
Come, Knock at the Door.

He knocks. Enter F3v 38 Enter Footman.

Shread,

Sir, pray let your Lady know here’s a young
Country-Maid, Farmer Rent-Land’s Daughter, come to wait
on her.

Foot.

Come in and I’le acquaint my Lady――

Exeunt. Re-enter Isabella and Shread. as into the House.

Isab.

She’s coming, and Belvill’s here, I see his Footman;
now if I’m but receiv’d I shall be a Spy upon their Actions,
watch all their Turns, and break their Measures.

Enter Lucinda.

Luc.

How de do Mr. Shread――is this the Daughter
of Farmer Rent-land, that he writ to me about?

Isab.

Yes and please you forsooth Madam, and I have
another Letter from Vather in my Pouch――

Looking for a Letter.

Shread,

Madam the Girl is a little Clownish, her Father’s
my Cousin, he writ to me to meet her at the Carriers and
bring her to your Ladyship.

Luc.

Very well, your Father’s an honest Man, he desires
me to let you be in my House till he comes up to Town
in order to put you to the Change――you are welcome――
She is very pretty. Sweet-heart don’t you wonder at this
fine City?

Isab.

I kno’nt how vine ’tis yet, for one can zee nought
for Crowd, I suppose ’tis Vair Time, there zuch――
thrusting and squeezing.

Shread,

She appears Rough to your Ladyship, but the
Girl has good natural Parts and apt to learn――

Luc.

I like her Plainness, leave her with me, I’ll take
great Care of her.

Shread, F4r 39

Shread,

Yes, Madam; good bye Cousin.

Isab.

Good bye――you’l bring my Bundle and my Box――
be sure you wait without for my farther Orders.

Shread,

I will――your Servant Madam.

Exit.

Luc.

What’s your Name fair Maid?

Isab.

Dorothy and please you.

Luc.

And do you think you shall be contented to stay with
me till your Father comes to Town Mrs. Dorothy?

Isab.

Contented forsooth! od zhour, and zhour, I ne’er
saw nought zo Handsome in all the Days of my Breath.
Zhour I cou’d look at you all Day.

Luc.

Does the Country teach Flattery too?

Enter Belvill.

Bel.

Madam, where are you? we shall be too late for the
Show.

Isab.

Zhow! O dear forsooth take me with you to zee the
Zhow――How my Heart beats.

Aside.

Bel.

What pretty Country Girl is this?

Luc.

One of my Tenant’s Daughters; we’ll take her
with us to your Lodging.

Isab.

To his Lodgings, mum――now a dispatch to Toylet.
I’ll fit you there.

Aside.

Bel.

With all my Heart, there’s Innocence and Beauty
in her Face; if you please to get ready, Madam, I have
only two Words to dispatch with your Uncle and I’ll attend
you.

Luc.

Here he comes Sir――we’ll leave you; Come
Mrs. Dorothy.

Isab.

Yes forsooth――

Enter Sir. Thomas.

Thus conceal’d, if none my Plot discover,

This Country Girl may cheat you of your Lover.

Exit.
Bel.Belvill Ha, F4v 40

Bel.

Ha, Sir Thomas, what wou’d you Reward the Man
with that shou’d bring you the Writings you desir’d? ha
Friend?

Sir Tho.

Sayst thou my Boy! I wou’d give him, let me
see what wou’d I give him――I wou’d give him as much
as I have given to the Lawyers to no purpose, which is full
Fifteen Hundred Pounds. But hast thou got ’em my
Hero?

Bel.

Fifteen Hundred Pound, pish; will you give me your
Niece?

Sir Tho.

Fy, fy, fy, a Wife! Why the Devil shou’d a
young Fellow’s Head run of Marriage?

Bel.

Because a young Fellow is very much in Love.

Sir Tho.

Why Love her Boy, I wou’d have thee Love
her, but prithee talk no more of Marriage――but let me
see the Writings.

Bel.

Love her! Why what does he mean――he wou’d
not have me lie with her sure――See ’em, why here they
are――but I must know what right you have to these
Papers Sir Thomas e’er I part with them, for I wou’d not
be guilty of a base Action; besides the Widow and the
whole Estate is at my Service――I can Marry her.

Sir Tho.

I had rather see thee Hang’d――I’ll give you my
Honour that nothing shall redound to your Disgrace in this
Affair. Surely you may take my Word, young Man.

Bel.

It never shall be scrupled by me; there, take ’em.

Sir Tho.

Most Joyfully: Ay these are they, let me Embrace
thee my Boy for this good Service――But heark ye,
don’t you Marry that ill-manner’d Jug, the Relict of a cheating
old Rogue, that has not left a Foot of Estate but what
he deserv’d to be Hang’d for.

Bel.

In my Conscience this old Fellow wou’d have me
Marry no Body; what a Devil does he pretend to? Egad
I wish he does not lay claim to me for his Son at last. EnterG1r41 Enter Sir Charles.
Ha! Sir Charles, what say’st thou, wou’d not Matrimony
agree with thee, if thou lik’d the Woman?

Sir Cha.

Or with any Man certainly.

Sir Tho.

Why don’t you Marry then Sir Charles?

Sir Char.

Because I can’t have the Woman I like Sir Thomas,
and she that I’m destin’d for, neither likes me, nor I her, and
to shew the true Nature of a Wife before she wears the Title,
she’s gone to the Bath this Morning without taking Leave.

Sir Tho.

Nay, if she has such an early Inclination to the
Bath, thank thy Stars thou art not Marry’d Boy, for the Bath
is a Pregnant Place; I know a Virgin that went there to be
cur’d of the Green-sickness, and came back with a Timpany,
ha, ha, ha.

Bel.

Why hark ye, Sir Charles, how will you keep your
Word then, no Pretentions to Lucinda, since you can’t produce
your Mistress.

Sir Tho.

How’s that, how’s that, hast thou a Mind to my
Neice, Knight, she’s a witty Baggage, I tell you that, and a
weighty one too, twenty Thousand Pound beside my Blessing,
court her, win her, and wear her.

Bel.

The Devil, what because he has a Title?

Sir Tho.

And a good Estate Belvill, put in that.

Bel.

Sink the Estate, the Brave despise it.

Sir Tho.

Yet the Bold fight for’t.

Bel.

No, ’tis for Honour we hazard Life, and Ease, to
preserve ungrateful Men like you, in what do’s he merit Lucinda
more than I――nor shall he dare think of her while I
wear this.

Lays his Hand on his Sword.

Sir Cha.

How not dare! such Language, Sir, I shall not take,
tho’ from a Friend.

Bel.

Nor a Friend shan’t take a Mistress from me, Sir.

Sir Tho.

Mettled Lads i’faith――A Mistress Sir, pray
what Hopes have you had relating to that Affair?

G Sir G1v 42

Bel.

Hopes Sir, did not you give me Leave to love her?

Sir Tho.

But as I take it, that was not Leave to marry her.

Bel.

Did you not take Pains to reconcile us to Day?

Sir Tho.

True, because I thought her in the Wrong.

Bel.

And have you not promis’d she shall come to my Lodgings
to see the Embassadour go by? Do you make any Scruple
of letting her be seen in my Company.

Sir Tho.

No, for I don’t think thee Scandalous, and she
shall come to thy Lodgings, and I’ll come with her; yet this
is nothing to the Purpose――Thou art a pretty Fellow
faith――but a Little too impudent to expect Twenty Thousand
Pound, with nothing but a red Coat and a Commission.

Bel.

Is this your Probity, I shall begin to suspect every
Thing, I find why you extorted the Promise from me, never
to marry her without your Consent.

Sir Tho.

You shall have no Cause to blame me, I am, and
will be thy Friend――Sir Charles you are out of Humour,
never mind the young Warriour, by Mars the God
of War, thou hast my Consent, address her Man.

Bel.

So has all the Creation, I think――What a Pox does
this old Fellow aim at!――

Sir Char.

I am not to be deter’d by his Threats; but ’tis
Lucinda must decide this.

Bel.

No, even if she consent, you shall dispute the Prize
with me.

Sir Char.

Let it come to that, ye Fates, and see how gladly
I wou’d meet thee.

Bel.

If you are so hot, let us dispatch it now.

Lays his Hand to’s Sword.

Sir Char.

With all my Heart――

Sir Tho.

Hold, hold, I’ll have no Fighting this Day, to Morrow
as you please.

Bel.

Well then, to Day we have done.

Sir Char.

I am always to be found; Farewel――

Exit. Sir Tho.Sir Thomas G2r 43

Sir Tho.

Come put off your ill Humour, and let’s go see
the Show Boy――

Bel.

Egad this is a strange unaccountable old Gentleman.

The End of the Third Act.

Act IV.

Enter Mrs. Dowdy drest extravagantly in French Night-
Cloaths and Furbelows, with Peeper.

Mrs. Dow.

La yee now, la yee now, stand away from
the Glass, will you, loke, loke, I shall
ne’er adon staring at my zelf, I’m zhour I’m viner than
any of our Volk in Taunton; good Sirs, if old Roger
Dowdy
were alive, and zeen me thisen, he wou’d zwear
I was going to fly away.

Peep.

Ah Madam, he understood no better――I
think you look as well as any Lady at Court.

Mrs. Dow.

Nea, nea, I always thought I should look
like other Volk an I was but Clad as vinely, and zo I us’d
to tell Roger, well, and do I zeem so vitty Peeper, don’t
thik Band-Box thrust out ones Tail rarely? Od one might
carry a Grist to Mill on’t, as well as on a Packsadde, ho,
ho, ho.

Peep.

You are exact from Head to Foot.

Mrs. Dow.

Ay, an’t I mun, zee my Shoes; pulls up her
Coat a little.
but these zilken Hose are woundy Cold;
han’t I got too many Beauty Spots on, in my Mind now my
Vace louks just like a Plumb-Cake var all the World―― G2Zhour G2v44
Zhour I shall ne’er like thik Head-Gear, one must always
louk vour-right, vor the Duce a Bit one can zee of either
Zide――Faugh, I hate this red Stuff upon my Lips, I
can’t vorbear liking ’em, and it may be Poison for ought
I know.

Enter Mrs. Brazen.

Mrs. Braz.

Good Morrow to your Ladyship, bless me,
sure I’m mistaken ’tis not the same!

Mrs. Dow.

The very zame Mrs. Brazen, but am I zo
chang’d indeed now?

Mrs. Braz.

Chang’d, why you are a Cherubim.

Mrs. Dow.

’Parel Sheaps you know.

Mrs. Braz.

Why you’ll kill Sir John, at first Sight, Madam.

Mrs. Dow.

Oh dear, I hope not.

Mrs. Braz.

He waits without poor Gentleman, but little
knows the Danger he is in――Shall I admit him Madam?

Mrs. Dow.

Why really now Mrs. Brazen, I am zorry the
Person of Quality shou’d lose his Labour, but I can’t
help it――He shou’d ha com’d zooner, de yee zee
vor I’m engag’d.

Mrs. Braz.

How Madam, you han’t serv’d me so I hope?
――Make a Fool of a Gentleman of his Fortune, that
keeps his Coach, and four Footmen, besides a Valet-de-
Chambre
, it’s a Shame――He cou’d have made you a
Lady, Madam――

Mrs. Dow.

His own Coach, and a Lady, zay yee; nay,
nay, don’t be in a Passion――Od I shou’d like a Coach,
and Ladiship hugely――Shall I zee him Peeper?

Peep.

By all means see him Madam.

Mrs. Dow.

Ay but won’t the Captain think me valse
hearted then?

Peep.Peeper G3r 45

Peep.

False hearted, Madam! Why Ladies here are
distinguish’d by the Number of their humble Servants――

Mrs. Braz.

And scarce know two Hours before they
Marry which to chuse――There was my Lady Waver,
had three Gentlemen fancied her Wedding Cloaths, and
then threw Dies which of the three shou’d have her――

Mrs. Dow.

Ha, ha, ha by the Mass that’s very pretty,
why let him come in then――But do you realy think
the Captain won’t break his Heart?

Peep.

Oh, no no, you need not fear that, perhaps He
has two or three Mistresses.

Mrs. Braz.

My dear Lady I’ll fetch him this Minute
――Exit.

Mrs. Dow.

Zay you zo, nay an it be the vashon, I’m
resolv’d to have as many Zweet hearts as I can get――
Here put up my Ban Box, zet my voretop, and brush
my Gown and make me vity――

Peep.

So, so, you are exact now Madam.

Enter Mrs. Brazen, and Sharper.

Mrs. Braz.

There’s the Lady, Sir John.

Sharp.

You need not tell me which is She, such Beauty
is remarkable, her Eyes cast a Lustre, bright as the
Meridian Sun, which dazles all beholders.

Mrs. Dow.

Mercy on me, what high Speaking is this?
――Zo I suppose they talk at Court――Oh dear
Sir, you Gentlemen are zo voll of your Jears, that we
Country Volk dan’t know what to zay to you.

Sharp.

What a Shape is there!

Mrs. Dow.

That’s my Ban-Box――Aside.

Sharp.

What a Complexion!

Mrs. Dow.

That’s my Paint――Vor they zay my
Complexion was but, zo, zo,――Aside.

Sharp,

What Ruby Lips!

Mrs. Dow.

I’m glad to hear that――I was affraid I
had lick’d it all off.Aside.

Peep.Peeper G3v 46

Peep.

I swear he is a well bread Gentleman.

Mrs. Braz.

A Courtier every Inch of him.

Sharp.

Oh Mrs. Brazen, if you have brought me to the
Sight of all these Charms, and she shou’d prove inexorable.

Mrs. Braz.

Goodness forbid.

Sharp.

Oh I’m a dead Man Mrs. Brazen――No Compassion
Madam, for a poor dying Lover――

Mrs. Braz.

Speak Comfort to him Madam, he is just
ready to Swoon.

Mrs. Dow.

Why, what can I zay Mrs. Brazen――Will
the Gentleman drink a little Cherry-Brandy――

Mrs. Braz.

Brandy Madam, ads Heart, is that a Cordial
for a dying Lover――

Mrs. Dow.

Why ’tis my Cordial when I’m not well,
Mrs Brazen.

Mrs. Braz.

A Word, a Look, a Smile revives him.

Mrs. Dow.

Good Sirs, is it possible you can be zo zmitten
Sir?

Sharp.

It is the first Wound I e’er receiv’d, tho’ I have
given Thousands, and met my Enemies in Clouds of Smoak,
and Sheets of Fire, and with this good Sword have made
my Way――

Mrs. Dow.

Ah dan’t draw it good Sir――He is a brave
Souldier I warrant him.

Peep.

I protest Madam, I begin to pitty him――You
can never let such a great Man die.

Mrs. Dow.

Ay but then the Captain will die, what shall
I do?

Mrs. Braz.

Do Madam, let’s go into your Closet, and
tast some of your Cherry-Brandy; oh dear, oh dear――I
am very Faint, take her by the Hand, Sir John.

Mrs. Dow.

Indeed I can’t, for to tell you the Truth, I
am promis’d――

Sharp.

Promis’d――I’ll hunt the World but I will find
my Rival out, rip up his Breast, and upon my Sword’s
Point send you the Heart you doat on.

Mrs. G4r 47

Mrs. Dow.

Oh hold you, hold you, good Sir John――
What zhall I do to prevent Murder?

Mrs. Braz.

Give him your Hand, and take him into
your Closet, I say, there we’ll appease him I warrant you.

Mrs. Dow.

Well, well, come into the Closet then; mercy
on me, I was never zo lov’d before zhour.

Exit.

Mrs. Braz.

Now for my Thousand Pound――

Exit.

Peep.

Pretty well for the first Time; now to try how
Generous he’ll be to me――If you don’t disburse Sir John,
for all your Go-between, I’ll sooner match my Mistress to
your Valet, I promise you that.

Exit.

Scene Belvill’s Lodgings.

Enter Belvill, Sir Thomas, Lucinda, Isabella and Robin.

Sir Tho.

Well, and what hast thou got to treat us Boy?
ha!

Bel.

You shall have what you will Sir Thomas, this Lady
shall name.

Luc.

Uncle you retain the old Country Custom, all for
Eating and Drinking; I am for the Show.

Sir Tho.

But what says my little Somersetshire Lass, I
warrant a Cheesecake wou’d go down with you now.

Isa.

No I thank you Zir, my Belly’s full evads, my thinks
this is a huge vine House.

Sir Tho.

And in Troth thou art huge Pretty, are all the
Farmers Daughters in Somersetshire thus Handsome?

Isa.

Yes indeed, and Handsomer too.

Sir Tho.

Neice I’ll gather your Rents next Year in that
Country my self――I will.

Luc.

So Mrs. Dorothy, I think you have made a Conquest
here.

Isa.

I don’t know what you mean Madam.

Sir Tho.

I’faith this is a pretey Rogue.

Luc.

But this Room do’s not look upon the Pall-Mall.

Bel.Belvill G4v 48

Bel.

No Madam, but the next does; open the Door Robin.

Rob.

aside to him. I never saw the Key since the strange
Women were here.

Luc.

What, Whispering again!

Bel.

You careless Rascal, here take my Key.

Rob.

The Devil, the Devil――Robin goes to open the
Door, flies back and cries out.

Toy.

Inhuman Monster, must I be exposed――[Enter
Toylet richly Drest and Mask’d.

Luc.

Expos’d, ’tis I am expos’d; Confusion, another
Woman.

Sir Tho.

How, how’s this Belvill――What, forgot to
let your Mistress out this Morning? ha!

Bel.

My Mistress, ’sdeath, Hell and Furies――

Luc.

Do not counterfeit Surprise, this is a palpable
Abuse.

Sir Tho.

Why truly Neice it do’s appear a Sort of an
Abuse as a Man may say; but let’s hear what Defence
he can make――

Belv.

Defence――I hope it needs none; what End cou’d
I have in this――I’m sure it looks more like a Trick upon
me.

Luc.

What mean you Sir, do you suspect I’d give my
self the Trouble to put a Trick upon you――Oh Audacious!

Sir Tho.

Hold, hold, no hard Words before we know
for what.

Isa.

Going up to Toylet. Get you off, get you off.

Rob.

Nay, nay, egad I’ll see whether you be Flesh and
Blood, Spirit, or the Devil.

Stops her.

Toy.

Ah, if this Fool persists we are discover’d――I
must shew him my Face――You know not what you
do, ’tis I.

Rob.

IYou, and how came Iyou hither?

Toy.

I long’d to see you, and that I might charm you
the more, I drest my self in my Mistresses Cloaths, and cameH1r 49
came in hopes to meet you alone, being caught, I was
forc’d to say any thing, let me go, or we shall never meet
again.

Rob.

Get you gone, if my Master finds it out, my Bones
will pay for it.

Luc.

Absurdity! It has indeed a Face of Truth to have
People haunt your Lodgings that you know nothing of.

Isa.

Nay, now I zee ’tis true what we Country Volk
zay, that the London Men are all as valse as the Devil.

Belv.

What gone again――Rascal, which Way went
she? Why did you not stop the Fiend, for ’twas a Fiend I
am sure.

Rob.

If you think so Sir, why should you be Angry?
For who cou’d stop the Devil.

Bel.

I’ll make you fetch the Devil Sirrah if she be gone.

Looking about.

Rob.

I’ll try Sir.

Going.

Isa.

Nay, nay that’s sending the Devil after his Dam,
as we zay in Zomersetshire, my poor Judgement tells me,
he’s no vit Person to zend after her zhour.

Luc.

Right, his Man doubtless is in the Secret――Even
this Innocent, cann find out your Deceit.

Belv.

Deceit, stay here Dog.

Rob.

With all my Heart.

Bel.

Madam send who you please――’sdeath.

Stamps,
and seems to perswade Luc.Lucinda

Isa.

Let me go forsooth, I’m zhour I know her Gown
agen――I minded her when she sliv’d off.

Sir Tho.

Ay, ay, let little Rosie Cheek go――Why what
a Busle is here about a Gipsie――But thoul’t not find the
Way back my Girl.

Isa.

O never vear me, I’ve an English Tongue in my
Head――I’ve vound the Way over Heaths, Copses, and
Commons you’d be maz’d in.

Exit.

Luc.

Your Words are vain, back to the Nations you have
been bred in, where Women are so coming to your Wishes,
there needs no Truth nor Constancy.

H Bel.Belvill H1v 50

Bel.

Truth――I think Truth’s my Foe, for I never made
so much use of her to so little Purpose in my Life, I believe
you wish’d a Quarrel, and wanted only Opportunity, else
what I’ve said wou’d have convinc’d you.

Luc.

Believe so still, and see my Face no more.

Exit.

Sir Tho.

Why Neice, Neice, won’t you stay for little Somersetshire
――She’s gone――Look ye now, did not I tell
you Matrimony wou’d not agree with you, yet you wou’d
Marry I warrant――Take my Word for’t, you are not
made for one another.

Bel.

I wish we had never seen one another.

Walking
about disordered.
Enter Isabella.

Isa.

I ha vound her ifaith.

Belv.

Ha, and who is she?

Isa.

A very vine Lady I asure you that, but where’s Mistress?
var I shan’t tell you what zhe zaid to me.

Sir Tho.

Oh she’s gone stark Mad Child――Prethee tell
us Reasonable Folks――

Bel.

Said, why did’st thou speak to her?

Isa.

Yes marry did I, and she got into a huge vine Coach,
zo zhe did, and call’d me into her, and pull’d off her Vizard,
and zhow’d me the vinest Vace that ever I zaw, zhour, and
zhour ’twas as bright as the Zun, she zaid she was in Love
with you to distraction mun, and vow’d she wou’d have
you whatzomever it cost her.

Rob.

What a confounded Lye has this Country Toad
told? And egad I dare not contradict her.

Aside.

Sir Tho.

Why hark ye Belvill, don’t your Chops water
at this Story, ha? My Hero! adod thou wert wrapt up in
thy Mother’s――Faith thou wert, thou wert I faith Boy――

Bel.

Pishaw, she does not know a Woman of Condition
from an Orange Wench――Some tawdry Drab in a Hackney-Coach.

Rob.Robin H2r 51

Rob.

He makes very bold with my Mistress truly.

Aside.

Isab.

Nay this was no Stage Coach I’m Zhour, it
was as rich and as full of Tossels, as Squire Pensilly’s last
Exeter Zize.

Sir Tho.

What not warm yet? Why it may be a Dutchess
for ought you know――

Bel.

The Devil――Sir Thomas, either reconcile me
once more to your Niece, or by Jove I’ll discover the
Grand Secret, and set the Widow upon your Back.

Sir Tho.

Here’s a Dog now, in my Conscience, I believe
you’d make a good States Man――Sirrah, what
the Action you do in the Morning, will you be such a
Rogue to Peach in the Afternoon?

Isab.

I’m out at all this――Sure he was born without
Curiosity――Or is grown Constant to torment me.Aside.
But Sir, zhan’t we go home to my Lady? Mahap Zhee may
be Zick She’s vext zo.

Bel.

And pretty Creature won’t you speak for me?

Isab.

No by my Troth sha’n’t I, I believe you are
valse, zo I do.

Sir Tho.

Come along Dolly. Takes her by the Arm. Ah
such an Eye, and such a――Come along Dolly――Let
me see you in the Evening, de you hear Belvill, and if
the Lady comes again with Squire Pensilly’s Coach, strike
her Boy, strike her.

Exit.

Isab.

Your Zervant, Sir.

Exit.

Bel.

What will be the Event of this?――What Woman
cou’d this be?

Rob.

Ha, ha, ha.

Bel.

Why do you Snear Sirrah?

Rob.

Ah Sir, I wou’d tell you, if I durst――

Bel.

What is’t you wou’d tell me? Out with it.

Rob.

Ay, but will you forgive me, Sir?

Bel.

If thou canst explain this Riddle, I will.

Rob.

Why then Sir, all that this Country Wench has
told you, is a notorious Lye.

H2 Bel.Belvill H2v 52

Bel.

How do you know that?

Rob.

Because Sir, the Woman that was here is a Mistress
of mine, who lodges at the next Door.

Bel.

A Mistress of yours Sirrah in that Garb――What
was her Business, and how do you know it?

Rob.

Sir, she shew’d me her Face, and told me she came
to see me, the Cloaths she said were her Ladies, I suppose
she had a Mind to captivate me, ’tis the very Maid to that
very Lady that you left in your Lodgings to Day Sir, and
she told me too by the by, Sir, that her Mistress is no more
marry’d than you are.

Bel.

There must be something in this more than I can
find out――Egad I’ll endeavour to see her at least――
Hark ye Sirrah, fetch me this Woman instantly.

Rob.

Od so, yonder she goes――

Exit.

Bel.

They may talk what they will of Spain, but for my
part, I think the English Women can manage an Intreague
with the best of them.

Enter Robin and Toylet.

Rob.

Here she is sir, trembling Ripe, answer for your
self now.

Bel.

Pray tell me Mistress, why is my Lodgings your
Randezvous, and what do you design by those Apperances?

Toy.

Dissembling Varlet, to betray me to thy Master
――Look ye Sir, since I’m caught, the Truth shall
out; for my Part I only obey’d the Commands of my Lady,
as we Servants must you know.

Bel.

Very good, but prethee who is your Lady Child?

Rob.

Ay there’s the Query――

Toy.

It’s my Lady Elizabeth Lovemore, a great Heiress,
and very beautiful, but I can’t help saying I think her a little
Mad to run after you, when there’s fifty dying for her.

Bel.Belvill H3r 53

Bel.

Humph!――And is she so very Handsome dost thou
say?

Toy.

A reigning Toast――admir’d even by her own Sex,
and then you must allow she’s Handsome indeed――

Rob.

Now I question if it would not puzzle Patridge the
Almanack Maker, to find out whether this Wench Lyes or
not?

Bel.

And where do’s this beautiful Lady of thine live, ha?

Toy.

In Golden-Square the third House of the Right-Hand.

Rob.

There I have trapt you Gentlewoman, don’t you
Lodge at next Door.

Toy.

Yes, what then? Can’t my Lady Lodge me at any
Door that she pleases, when ’tis A Propo.

Bel.

This is a whimsical Tale, however I resolve to see
the End of it, name your Time when I may see this fair Incognita;
I’m not obdurate faith, she shan’t die, assure her
that.

Rob.

If she do’s he must have chang’d his Nature with
the Country.

Toy.

A Messenger in the Evening shall bring you to the
House.

Exit.

Bel.

I’ll expect it, ’tis in vain for me to think of Constancy,
the Devil is sure to throw something in my Way, to
hinder my pious Resolutions.

Rob.

I’m of your Mind Sir, and for my Part I have not
found this singular Passion turn to any Account with me,
since you begun, therefore Sir, if you’d take my Advice, e’en
arm your self with a Bottle of Burgundy, that you may attack
your new Mistress with the better Courage.

Bel.

But Pox I find Lucinda still sticks here――Pointing
at his Heart.

Rob.

Nothing like a Glass to wash her away Sir.

Bel.

It shall be so――

I’ll Sing, and Drink, and Drown her in Champaign,

Then warm’d with Wine, I’ll break the slavish Chain,

And she shall sue to Conquer me again――

Ex.exit
Scene
H3v 54

Scene Changes to Lucinda’s House.

Enter Lucinda and Betty.

Luc.

Good Heavens, who wou’d wish to be a Woman?
Nature’s unerring Laws are still the same as when she
form’d the Order of the World――But Custom has debauch’d
her Rules, and given Tyrant Men pretence to glory
in their Falshood――what Libertine e’er lost a Friend for
being so? Nor stands he less in Fame for perjur’d Vows,
that has betray’d a Thousand trusting Maids, whilst we for
every trifling Fault condemn’d, become the Subject of licentious
Tongues, yet sure our Crimes are Registred alike
in the great Impartial Book above――

Enter Footman.

Foot.

Madam, Sir Charles Richley to wait on you.

Luc.

Bring him up――Exit Foo.Footman tho’ I’m in no Humour
to Entertain――Enter Sir Charles.

Sir Char.

Do I not invade your Privacy Madam? There
seems a Melancholy settled on your Brow.

Luc.

I confess Sir Charles I’m under some disorder.

sighing.

Sir Cha.

Happy the Man for whom those Sighs are paid,
as I am wretched in Despair.

Luc.

Ha!

Sir Cha.

Oh Belvill, unworthy of such Love or Beauty.

Luc.

Nam’d you not Belvill, Sir? What of him.

Sir Cha.

I did――May not a Wretch that’s Raving in a
Feaver express his eager Wishes for the Bowl, which
he sees his healthful Friend pass by untasted.

Luc.

I understand you not.

Sir Cha.

Why shou’d I conceal the Burning Pain, when
perhaps another Opportunity may never offer――I love youH4r55
you Madam, not with a loose ungarded Flame, but all
the Faculties of my Soul are center’d in you.

Luc.

How――Wou’d you supplant your Friend? Is
this like a Man of Honour?

Sir Cha.

Oh I had died in Silence, had not he, the
happy he provok’d me, he threaten’d me like a Boy, he
threaten’d me, if I presum’d to own my Passion――

Luc.

Then ’tis me he Loves above the rest, alas! how
apt are we to flatter our Disease.Aside. And cou’d you
hope, that I shou’d listen to an ungrateful Man?

Sir Cha.

Alas! too much you do――and since when
next Belvill and I meet――Fate only knows the Consequence
――Let me beg this Favour, tho’ I confess ’tis
boldness, to ask if you design Belvill for your Husband?

Luc.

You take indeed a Liberty beyond what I expected
from you, but I’ll not disguise the Truth, of all Men
living, Belvill made the first Impression in my Heart,
and cou’d he clear himself of this late Accident, I think
I shou’d prefer him.

Sir Cha.

Now who’s ungrateful, he or I? Had I such
Hopes, what Crowns Shou’d Bribe me to forswear the
Marriage?

Half aside.

Luc.

How’s that? Take heed how you traduce him,
am I so cheap, that he shou’d Swear he wou’d not Wed
me, Confusion! ’tis False, and were he here, you durst
not for your Soul affirm it.

Sir Cha.

Yes, since you have hear’d me, if a thousand
Points were levell’d at my Breast, I wou’d maintain it,
and in the Face of Death proclaim he said, he had Sworn
never to Marry you.

Luc.

Sworn, oh Impudence! Oh weakness in my self
to listen to an unknown Villain, his Mercenary Soul
ne’er harbour’d generous Thoughts: He shou’d have been
with Gold rewarded for the Business of his Sword, and
the Defence he made against Midnight Robbers paid with
Money, not a Heart. What did his base degenerate Soul hopeH4v56
hope I shou’d yield to loose Desires? And durst he make
his Friend his Confidant? Destraction! The bare Idea
warms me to Revenge, and turns me all to Fury.

Sir Cha.

What have I said? Oh let me Madam, tho’
against my self attest that in all our Conversation from
our first Acquaintance, I never knew him swerve from
Honour, what e’er his Reasons were to Swear it――

Luc.

Revoke not what thou hast said, but, hence begone,
and leave me to my Self, for Tygers, Wolves and
Serpents are less hurtful than thy barbarous Kind.

Sir Cha.

Your Commands do’s like the Hand of Fate
forbid my Stay――But oh! remember ’tis the faithfullest
of your Slaves Obeys you.

Exit. Enter Isabella

Isab.

So, Sir Charles is gone――His Exit is my Cue,
may his Love succeed I say――I’ll help it as forward
as I can――what an Air she gives her Self――The very
bare imagination of slighted Love is the Devil I find――
Oh vorsooth an’t you well, will you pleasen that I shall
get you zomewhat――

Luc.

Alas poor Innocence ’tis not in thy Power, to
asswage the Torment of my Mind――didst thou e’er meet
with an ungrateful Swain?

Isab.

No, no they are all true in our Country, I heard
of but one valse, and he had been at London――But you
don’t ask me about the toping Lady, I vollow’d from
the Vine Gentleman’s Lodgings.

Luc.

I had forgot it, didst thou see her――

Isab.

Did I, yes I did zhour.

Luc.

And what was the Creature?

Isab.

Nay, he can tell you that vorsooth better than I,
for they are mainly well acquainted, I vound that――

Luc.

Ha! how didst thou find it? Did the ugly Thing
tell thee?

Isab.Isabella I1r 57

Isab.

Nay in troth, she is not ugly vorsooth――tho’
I hate her for your Sake――

Luc.

Faithful, kind, good natur’d Creature.――Hugs her.

Isab.

She gin me this Silver Book, and writ down where
she lives, and desires you of all Love to let her Zee you
this Evening, and she’ll tell you all, I did not zay one
Word to him on’t.――

Gives her the Book.

Luc.

A plain Direction――I thought never to have
concern’d my self with this vile Man’s Affairs, but I’ll
detect him thoroughly――then throw him from my
Heart for ever――

Isab.

I hope so e’er I have done.

Aside.

Luc.

How blest, how happy is this Rural Maid?

All Cares are banish’d from thy peaceful Breast:

Thou never wert to luckless Love betray’d,

Unknowing of the Racks that break my Rest

Thou ne’er the Flattering Wiles of Men believ’d,

Deceiving none, thou art by none deceiv’d.

Exit leaning upon her Arm.

Scene Changes to Mrs. Dowdy’s Lodgings.

Enter Mrs. Dowdy, Sharper, Mrs. Brazen, Peeper,
and Equipage.

Mrs. Dow.

Well, I protest you are a waggish Man,
Lord how you have rouzl’d and touzl’d one?――All
my Rigging hangs as if ’twas zhaked on with a Zhed
Vork, as the old Zaying is――

Mrs. Braz.

Ay there’s a Man for you now Widow,
ah wou’d I were in your Place, a brisk young Dog I
Faith, I ask your Pardon, Sir, John, I’m a little Free――
But ’tis my Way and Madam’s Cherry Brandy was so
good――

I Mrs. Dow.Dowdy I1v 58

Mrs. Dow.

Will you have t’other Cup, Mrs. Brazen?
Ads lid my Hearts Open.

Sharp.

Nay then take a Souldier in that will defend the
Breach Widow.

Embracing her.

Mrs. Dow.

Zhaw you spoil all ones Rump, you zqueese
one zo――In troth I think him main handsom――

Aside.

Equi.

Matters go rarely, if no Devil cross it, I shall
come in for my Wages at last.

Aside. Enter Belvill Drunk, and Robin.

Bell.

Sings.

If a Nymph proves peevish and Coy,

Turn off thy Glass, never mind her:

Take Bacchus in Room of the Boy,

Drink till the Goddess grow kinder.

How stands Taunton Dean now Widow? Ha! Hickups.
what’s here a Rival?

Sharp.

Oh the Devil! this fighting Fellow here, we are
all unravell’d I doubt?―― Aside to Mrs. Brazen.

Mrs. Braz.

I fear so too――I hate this Spark, he has
too much Sence for me to get any Thing by him.

Aside.

Bel.

Let me see who are you? Hickups. What do
you pretend to, ha? Hold up your Head, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Peep.

Oh dear Sir, what do you do, you’ll spoil all,
did not you say――To Belvill.

Bell.

Look ye Hickups. I don’t care what I said, I’ll
take Care of the Widow.

Sharp.

Ah dear Belvill don’t prevent my Fortune.

Bel.

Don’t tell me of your Fortune, was not you kickt
this Morning? Hickups. Answer me that.

Equi.

So, if my Contrivance ruins all now, I shan’t
come in for a Souce.

Aside.

Peep.

A duce take you for bringing your drunken Master
here, when we were upon the Point of Concluding.

[to Rob.

Rob.

What wou’d you have me do with him?

Bel.

Widow, why Widow I tell you Hickups this Scoundrel
shan’t have you Widow.

Mrs. I2r 59

Mrs. Dow.

Stand away Mrs. Brazen, look yee Sir, Matters
are gone varder than you think vor, and don’t zhow
none of your drunken Frolicks here, de yee zee, for I value
them not a Rush――What zhour I ne’er broke Gold
with yee――

Bell.

No matter for that, I’ll shew you your Bargain Widow,
and then I have done――He is――

Sharp.

A Plague of ill Luck.

Bel.

He is Widow――

Hickups.

Mrs. Dow.

What is he, uds lid dan’t you affront any civil
Gentleman in my House, I dan’t love yee well enough
de yee zee to bear that; what is he now, what is he,
he is a Man I hope.

Sharp.

Sweet Captain.Softly.
’Sdeath Sir, what do ye mean?

To Bel.Belvill in a loud Voice.

Bel.

Don’t exalt your Voice Sirrah; Hickups. don’t I
know you for a very Poltron, noted for your Cowardice,
and kick’d out of all Conversation for your Lying――So
Widow, I have warm’d ye――Now Robin I’ll go Home
and sleep till the Hour of Assignation――

Exit Singing, If a Nymph, &c.

Mrs. Braz.

A Rival’s Rage, stark Mad, he has lost you
Madam.

Mrs. Dow.

Come how de yee, Sir John, od my Heart goes
apit apat, I was woundy afraid yee wou’d have fit.

Sharp.

No, no he knew your Presence hindred me from
drawing, else I’d ha made a Cartridge of his Skin, and
pounded his Flesh into Gun-Powder.

Mrs. Dow.

A dod he has a World of Courage.

Mrs. Braz.

Ah Madam, you’d say so, if you had seen
what I have seen.

Mrs. Dow.

Od I am glad I ’scap’d this drunken Rogue,
but hold yee, hold yee, he can’t ha no Claw upon my Estate,
can ha, ’cause I ha kept him Company?

Mrs. Braz.

He――Marry Sir John, Madam, I’ll ingage
ye secure.

I2 Sharp. I2v 60

Sharp.

Come Madam, speak a kind Word, my Coach
waits at the Door, let’s go take the Air.

Mrs. Braz.

And a Glass of good Canary.

Mrs. Dow.

Of all Liquours indeed Zack Wine pleases me
best. For the Air, de yee Zee that’s but little, it all zmells
of Zea-Coal.

Equi.

So, there’s Hopes agen.

Peep.

Do, Madam go.

Mrs. Dow.

I don’t know how to deny them, they are
such courteous Volk.

Peep.

Mrs. Brazen, before the Marriage is over, you must
secure me my Hundred Pound.

Mrs. Braz.

I will, I will.

Thus by our Art are Women bought and Sold,

They run the Hazard, but we share the Gold――

The End of the Fourth Act.

Act. V.

Scene Isabella’s New House.

Enter Isabella in a rich Night-Dress, with Toylet.

Toy.

Well, my Wit will let me no farther into this
Design, when you have brought ’em hither, do
you imagine it possible to deceive ’em any longer, Madam?

Isa.

If I please it is――But my Plot draws towards an
End――If when I discover my self, he shou’d still retain
his Love for her――I have reap’d this Advantage however
by it, I shall get rid of that odious Contract, for I can prove
that Sir Charles made violent Love to Lucinda and will forceI3r61
force him to release me, on that pretence I’ll fix the Reason
of my Frolick, if Belvill’s false, but never think of
Love again.

Toy.

I wish the Pains you have taken to get free from
one, and try the Constancy of the other, do’s not cast a
Reproach upon your Fame.

Isa.

That I weigh’d before, the Censure of the World is
guided by Prejudice, or Partiality, and not worth my Care,
I depend on none, and can justify my Conduct to my
self――

Toy.

I’m glad on’t with all my Heart, I fancy you’ll have
a Tryal of Patience, for I dare swear Belvill and Lucinda
are reconcil’d again, they will find you out Madam in your
Roguery.

Isa.

If they be, I fancy I shall break the Peace once
more, and make the Breach yet wider; is every Thing in
order, have you told my Footmen what Name I wear at
present.

Toy.

Yes Madam, and they have put on all their strange
Liveries and stare, and ask a thousand Questions, but I
seal’d their Mouths with your Ladyship’s Gratuity.

Isa.

Very well, be ready to admit her, for I know she’ll
instantly be here, I left her upon the Teaze.

Toy.

Bless me Madam, she’s coming.

Isa.

Now for my Tragical Face.

Runs and sits down on
the Couch.
Enter Lucinda and Betty.

Luc.

She appears indeed no common Beauty.

Aside.

Isa.

I doubt not, Madam, your Surprise at my Desire to
see you here, but when you shall know the Ties I have to
that false Man, ungrateful Belvill, I’m sure you will forgive
me.

Lu.

Our Sex are too apt to credit the Appearances of Truth
from the protesting Tyrants――I have Reasons to suspect BelvillI3v62
Belvil base, and long to know your Story――Sure my Eyes
deceive me, or she resembles much the Country Maid I
have at Home――But ’tis impossible; Betty take the
Coach, and fetch Dorothy hither.

Aside to Betty.

Bet.

Yes Madam.

Luc.

I ask your Pardon――Some Orders to my Maid,
and now I’m all Attention.

Isa.

Humph, I guess those Orders, but no matter. Aside.
Madam I was born many Leagues from hence in Flanders, my Name is Donna Clara; ’twas my hard Fate to see this
Captain Belvill, there he Conquer’d me, as few I think
can make Resistance to his Charms, I Marry’d him, gave
him my Heart and Fortune, the last was I’m sure too great
to be despis’d.

Luc.

Marry’d, oh the hardn’d Villain!

Isa.

Nay, and what shou’d have endear’d him more to
me, my Wedlock Joys were blest with a lovely Boy, his
perfect Image, in his Parents Time become an Orphan.

Luc.

Oh the detested Monster! What a Precipice have I
escap’d――Go on thou injur’d Fair, and be assur’d I will
assist thee.

Isa.

He said his Business call’d him to this Country, and
left me with the firm Promise of his endless Faith――I
writ, and writ, but still no Answer came; at length, directed
by my Headstrong Love, I follow’d him, but oh how
Cold was my Reception! He forthwith charg’d me I shou’d
change my Name, and as I priz’d my Life, not to declare
my Marriage――I obey’d in all, nay even supply’d him
to my own undoing, but being inquisitive to find the fatal
Cause of this sad Alteration, I learnt ’twas you.

Luc.

Oh how I hate my self for having been the Innocent
Author of such Wrongs.

Isa.

’Twas I caus’d that disturbance in his Lodgings,
nor durst I show my Face, dreading his Rage, I have no
Friend in England and am most Forlorne――Weeps.

Luc. I4r 63

Luc.

Methinks there’s Sympathy in Woes like these
which melt me into Pitty――Which Way can I retrieve
me in your lost Opinion, or how redress your anxious Sorrows?

Isab.

He sent Word he’d instantly be here, tell him
the Ills he has committed, but reproach him gently.

Luc.

Be sure I’ll tell him.

Isab.

And doubtless he’ll deny it with Imprecations, but
I’ll be near to Second you.
The Devil’s in him now if he don’t long to see the
Woman has made all these Stories on him――Aside.

Enter Toylet.

Toy.

Madam, my Master――Exit.

Luc.

The perfidious Traytor shocks me.

Isab.

A Trembling seizes me all o’er permit me to retire
till you have taxt him.

Exit.

Luc.

Do, and compose your Self.

Enter a Footman shewing Belvill in.

Bel.

Well, where’s this Loving Lady of yours?

Luc.

Ay too loving for you base Man.

Bel.

Ha Lucinda――Trapt agen――now sparkling
Champain assist me――why this is kindly done――and
yet faith ’tis not fair neither, why did not you send your
own Name, I did but Gallop now, I shou’d have flown
then.

Luc.

Oh unparralled’d Confidence, how cam’st thou by
that honest looking form, hast thou not a Cloven Foot?

Bel.

Humph ha! egad I think not.

Looking at his Feet.

Luc.

Stand off thou vile Contagion, bear to thy Injur’d
Wife thy boasted Passion.

Bel.

Wife!

Luc.

She well deserves what ever thou can’st pay.

Bel. I4v 64

Bel.

The Devil she do’s.

Luc.

Nor can thy Future Life attone the Wrongs thou
hast done her.

Bel.

Done her, who a Pox is she――Wife――Death,
what do you mean Madam?

Isab.

Peeping.

Ay he may well ask that Question.

Luc.

Oh Assurance! You don’t know Donna Clara, whom
you espous’d in Flanders?

Bel.

Donna Clara, Donna Fury, Madam, this is too
much.

Luc.

Too much indeed thou steel’d Imposture, could’st
thou abandon so much Beauty in her blooming Pride,
even when Nature to augment thy Joys had blest thee
with a Son.

Bel.

Death, Madam, you make me Mad, a Son! it
may be so, tho’ hang me if I know any thing of the
Matter.

Luc.

Nor you don’t know that you’re in her House I suppose
neither?

Bel.

Not I faith――I don’t know whose House it is, nor
do I care three Farthings; go on with your Banter――
Donna Clara――A Son, Wife, and the Devil.

Luc.

Come forth Madam, and confront this Traytor.
Now, Sir, do you start? Enter Isabella.

Bel.

Ha whose this――What do’s she intend?

Isab.

Kneels.

Forgive me, Sir, that I have reveal’d
the Secret, but my impatient Love no longer cou’d
endure a Rival.

Bel.

Secret, what do’s she mean? Egad she’s very handsome,
pray Madam, who are you Donna Clara, or the Lady Elizabeth Lovemore?

Isa.

Oh wretched! am I then forgotten?

Bel.

Sink me if I remember you.

Luc. K1r 65

Luc.

Oh that my Uncle now were here, that I at once
might blast his Hopes, and banish him our House for
ever――Rise Madam, he is not worth your tender
Care――Do’s not thy Soul reflect upon thy Actions,
and shew thy Guilt as black as Hell?

Bel.

Damnation, Madam, what design ye by these Pretences?

Walks about in a Passion.

Luc.

What did you design base Man in your Address
to me?

Isab.

’Twas your Beauty, Madam, made him False;
Oh do not chide Him, cruel as he is I love him still.

Bel.

’Gad I’ll have some Revenge for her Plot.Aside.
Do’st thou so my dear pretty Creature, well thy Vertue
has overcome me, here where are my Hugging her.
Servants, let the Bed be made this Minute, I’m impatient
till I have thee in my Arms, Madam, you’ll fling
the Stocking? I’ll fancy it is again my Wedding Night,
and my beautious Wife not yet enjoy’d.

Kissing and embracing
her all the while.

Luc.

Oh! you know her now, Sir.

Isab.

Heavens! what shall I do now, what have I
drawn upon my Self here?

Bel.

And how do’s my Charming Boy, is he with you?

Isab.

Sir, I, I, I.

Luc.

Ha, she Stammers and blushes.

Bel.

By all my Joys thou art more charming than when
I first embrac’d thee, thy Breath is Jessamine, thy Bosome
sweeter than Beds of Roses.

Embracing her.

Isab.

For Honour’s sake stand off, hear me and I’ll
confess the Truth.

Luc.

Ha!

Enter Betty.]

Bet.

Oh Madam! Dorothy’s gone, the Servants tell me
she call’d for a Coach in another Air, and away she flung
like Lightning――.

K Luc. K1v 66

Luc.

More Riddles.

Bet.

But here’s your Uncle and Sir Charles.

Enter Sir Thomas and Sir Charles.

Isa.

Ha, Sir Charles, I shall be expos’d――but must resolve
to bear it out.

Turns away.

Luc.

Oh Uncle, I am glad you are come to prove the
Baseness of your Favourite.

Sir Tho.

How, how, my Boy base?

Luc.

He’s Marry’d, yet impudently deny’d it to her
Face; she follow’d him from Flanders, there she stands, and
I believe you’ll think she meritted kinder Usage.

Sir Cha.

Then Madam he is not so culpable as you imagin’d,
he had reason for his Oath.

Sir Tho.

And hast thou shot the Gulf of Matrimony my
Lad ha?

Bel.

So it seems, Sir Thomas.

Sir Tho.

Why let me see thy Wife then――What de ye
turn your Back? You need not be asham’d of my Boy, my
Hero Madam.

Sir Cha.

How, Isabella!

Turns her about.

Isa.

Yes, Isabella, I hope you have no Pretentions to Isabella.

Bel.

Pishaw, you mistake Man, this is Donna Clara.

Sir Tho.

Who the Devil’s Isabella?

Luc.

I’m surpris’d; pray explain this to me, for only I
am in the Dark.

Sir Tho.

Why did you not say ’twas his Wife?

Luc.

I thought so――

Isa.

He do’s not, or he will not know me――Aside. I
own I have gone beyond my Sex and Quality, but it was
to purchase Liberty, and break a forc’d Contract with that
perfidious Man who paid his Vows to you.

Sir Char.

I shou’d not have put you to this Trouble Madam,
if you had let me known your Mind sooner.

Luc. K2r 67

Luc.

What, am I then a Property, am I a Person fit to be
Abus’d?

Sir Tho.

Why then thou art not Marry’d, Man――Have
Patience Neice.

Luc.

I can have none, and will renounce Mankind.

Sir Tho.

Faith and Troth but thou shalt not.

Bel.

What Devil has possest thee with such Indifference
for a Woman so charming, Sir Charles, had not Lucinda engross’d
my Heart, I cou’d adore this Beauty, and make my
only Request, to be what but now she call’d me, Husband.

Isa.

Some kind Angel inform him who I am, and save my
Blushes.

Aside.

Sir Cha.

She never thought me worth her Conquest.

Isa.

Nor ever will――

Sir Tho.

Short and Pithy――

Bel.

Now Madam, I hope my Innocence is clear’d.

Luc.

I am convinc’d――I suppose Madam you were my
Farmer’s Daughter too――

Enter Toylet.

Isa.

I was indeed Madam, at your Service――Toylet,
and this was the Lady in your Lodgings; when we were
there, I keep my Word with you, Sir, you see I confess all.

Bel.

Now Madam, since your Uneasiness has discover’d
your Love, pray let the Parson make an End of our Platonicks.

Isa.

What do I hear?

Aside.

Luc.

I see a real Passion cannot be disguis’d――

Sir Tho.

Hold, hold, I forbid the Banes.

Isa.

Blest Sound.

Aside.

Bel.

What! do you know of another Marriage Sir Thomas,
ha?

Sir Tho.

No, but I know that which you don’t know,
Boy――Why I’ll hold you Fifty Pound you don’t know
your own Name――

K2 Bel. K2v 68

Bel.

No, that’s very hard indeed.

Sir Tho.

As hard as it is, ’tis true――What’s your Name
now?

Bel.

James Belvill, I never had any other Name that I
know of.

Sir Tho.

Why look ye there now, did not I tell you, you
did not know your Name, then there’s the Wrigtings again,
you young Dog you, which intitles you to Two Thousand a
Year, and James Beaumont Sirrah, ha, ha.

Luc.

How’s this, my Name?

Sir Tho.

As sure as he’s thy own Brother Girl.

Luc.

My Brother!

Bel.

My Sister!

Luc.

What is this he I have so often heard you lament?
Why did you conceal it from me thus long?

Isa.

Her Brother, oh lucky Turn!

Aside.

Sir Tho.

Because I was resolv’d he should get the Writings
of his Estate before he was known, that he might not
be plagu’d with Law as I have been.

Sir Cha.

Then Lucinda’s free. Oh Transport――Dear
Sir Thomas unfold.

Sir Tho.

Thus then,
My Brother was a Merchant, a thriving Man, there were
not so many Privateers Abroad in his Time, nor the French
so powerful.

Bel.

Very well, go on Sir Thomas――I shall have a Father
at last――

Sir Tho.

This Daughter, upon his Death-bed, he bequeath’d
to me, you his Son he did not think fit to trust in
my Hands, being wheedled by that old Rogue Roger Dowdy
his Steward, who insinuated that I being next Heir, was
not proper for your Guardian, so prevail’d with my Brother
to let him have you, and with you the Writings, Care and
Management of the Estate――

Sir Cha.

Happy Story.

Bel.

Then you are my Uncle, Sir――

Sir K3r 69

Sir Tho.

Certainly Boy.

Luc.

But how are you sure this is my Brother, Sir.

Sir Tho.

If you’ll give me Leave, dear Madam, you shall
hear.Sliely. Your Father left Effects in Spain, whether
Dowdy went to adjust ’em, and with him took this proper
Fellow, then an Infant; at his Return pretended he was
Dead, and produc’d a forg’d Will, wherein he was left my
Brother’s Heir, in case of your Death; but I had private
Intelligence from Spain, that he had Boarded you there,
and chang’d your Name to Belvill――I have ever since
been in Law with him till he dy’d: I got him into Chancery
which we call the Court of Equity, but ’tis the Court of
the Devil, for the old Rascal brib’d the Lawyers so high,
that I have hung there these Twenty Years.

Isa.

Oh how my Heart leaps at this Relation.

Aside.

Sir Tho.

I sent for you several Times, but the Distance
of Place, and the Man that had the Care of you being a
Soldier, you was still remov’d, at last I lost my Intelligence
of you in the Spanish Netherlands, till that lucky Night that
brought you to our House, and being weary of Law, I
put you upon that Stratagem to get the Writings.

Bel.

It agrees with every Circumstance of my Life; thus
let me pay you a Son’s Duty for your Care; Kneels and
now Sister let me embrace you with a Brother’s Love.

Luc.

And all my Passion shall be turn’d to a Sister’s Fondness
――Whilst what I as a Lover lik’d, I recommend to
fair Isabella.

Bel.

Isabella, oh that Name rouzes a Thought within my
Breast, which I cou’d wish for ever lost, since the Cause is
never to be found.

Isa.

You do not wish to find it I presume, our Inclinations
may possibly alter with the Air, we do not breath the
same in London which we did in Paris.

Bel.

Ha!

Isa.

You have learnt from the Beau-mond, that the Conversation
of a Drawing-Room is beyond that of a Grate.

Bel. K3v 70

Bel.

By Heaven ’tis she, my Isabella, Runs and embraces
her.
for whom I’ve searcht, and sigh’d so long, now
I am blest indeed.

Sir Tho.

What, another turn?

Luc.

Pray unriddle this Brother.

Bel.

You shall know it all at large within; let this
suffice at present, this Lady is my Wife by Promise, five
Years ago in France we plighted Faiths, and nothing now
shall part us.

Isab.

You must own I have deserv’d you.

Sir Cha.

With this Embrace take my Consent, Embrace.
so thou’lt advance my Interest here.

Bel.

With all my Soul.

Sir Tho.

And mine, with all my Spirit.

Enter Robin.

Rob.

Oh Sir, Mrs. Dowdy, and a whole Coach full of
Folks, she has been hunting you all the Town over she
said, annd seeing me at the Door knew you were here,
Sir.

Bel.

Will you give me leave Madam, to bring ’em into
your House?

To Isabella.

Isab.

With all my Heart, my Time’s short in this House,
I only hir’d it for this Purpose.

Toy.

Oh Robin! your Master is found Heir to Two
Thousand a Year.

Rob.

Say’st thou so, then you and I must talk more
of the Business, we shall live rarely Girl, for he’s generous
as a Prince.

Bel.

Go, bring ’em up.

Exit Robin. Re-enters with Mrs. Dowdy, Sharper, Brazen, Equipage,
and Peeper.

Mrs. Dow.

Oh Captain! have I vound you? Z’dslid give
me my Writings you stole from me, you cheating Knave
you, or I’ll zet Sir John on your Back.

Isab. K4r 71

Isab.

I am afraid my dear Country Cousin the Right
owner has got ’em into his Hands, and won’t easily return
’em.

Bel.

Sir John――ha, ha, ha, how long has he been a
Knight? Why this is Sharper, a Fellow not worth Two
Pence if thou art Married to him Widow, much good
may do thee――

S. Ch.

The very honourable Gentleman I met this Morning.

Sharp.

Pox on her for bringing me here, wou’d I were
well out again.

[Aside.

Mrs. Dow.

Well, well, an he be no Knight, I don’t care
de ye zee, he is my Husband, and for all you have chouc’d
me out of Two Thousand Pound a Year, I have enough
to maintain him, and make him a Gentleman too, mun.

Sir Tho.

Hark ye, hark ye, take me along with you――
Chouc’d you, did you say? Have a Care, don’t you remember
a Child nam’d James Beamont, your Husband carried
into Spain, ha?

Mrs. Dow.

Od and it troubled his Conscience mainly
zo it did――But what of him?

Bel.

Nothing, only I am that Child it seems, and have
made bold to secure my Estate, and henceforth will manage
it my Self.

Mrs. Dow.

Zay you zo! nay then ’tis best to be quiet.

Luc.

I find Mistress, your Husband was a great Knave――

Mrs. Dow.

Zo may your Husband vor ought I know vorsooth
――I can’t zay much for his Honesty truly, but I’m
zhour I was a good Gentlewoman born, as Cozen Isbell
here can testifie.

Isab.

Don’t call me for a Witness, for my part I was told
I am related to you, but our Acqquaintance began in London.

Sharp.

How, Two Thousand pound a Year lopt off,
wou’d I were unmarried again.

Sir Cha.

There’s too much for you Rascal yet――

Sir Tho.

Come Jemmy, you shall go in and sign Releases
this joyful Day, and forgive her all that’s past.

Bel.

with all my Heart.

Mrs. Braz. K4v 72

Mrs. Braz.

But hark ye, hark ye, Sir,To Sharper.
how must I have my Thousand Pound?

Sharp.

When you can secure the Estate you promis’d me,
you unconscionable Jade: Your Judgement, Gentlemen, do’s
she deserve a Thousand Pound for making the Match between
us?

Sir Tho.

I’m afraid she rather deserves to have her Bones
broke.

Sir Cha.

Not a Groat, when the Marriage is over your
Business is done.

Mrs. Dow.

A Thousand Pound, oh you graceless Puss――
Ad’s Life I gin her a Hundred zo I did; let me come at her,
I’ll pull her Nose off――

Omnes.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Luc.

This is good Diversion.

Mrs. Braz.

A Hundred Pound! I shou’d have a rare
Trade on’t, if every old Woman was as sneaking as you in
the Matches I have made lately.

Equi.

Don’t let your Clack walk here Dol Domischief,
out, out, Turns her out. I shall get my Wages.Aside.

Peep.

’Tis best for me to hold my Tongue, lest I be serv’d
the same Sauce.Aside.

Mrs. Dow.

Come Spouse, let’s down into the Country,
’fore George I ha paid woundy Dear for learning London
Vashions.

Noise of Fidles without

Sir Tho.

Ha, the Fidlers smell a Wedding, let’s have a
Country Dance.

A Dance.

Bel.

Thus for our Good, kind Providence provides,

Unseen by us through every Labyrinth guides:

’Twas that which kept me from a Sister’s Arms,

And gave me back to Isabella’s Charms.

Finis.