A1r

Mundus Foppensis:

Or, The
Fop Display’d.

Being
The Ladies Vindication,
In Answer to a late Pamphlet, Entituled, Mundus Muliebris: Or, The Ladies
Dressing-Room Unlock’d, &c.

In Burlesque.

Together with a short Supplement
to the Fop-Dictionary: Compos’d for the
use of the Town-Beaus.

“Prisca juvent alios; Ego me nunc denique natum, Gratulor hæc ætas moribus apta meis. Non quia nunc terra lentum subducitur aurum Lectaque diverso littore Concha venit. Sed quia cultus adest; nec nostres mansuit in Annos, Rusticitas Priscis illa superstes avis.” Ovid de Arte Amandi. Lib. 3.

London, Printed for John Harris at the Harrow
in the Poultry, 16911691.

A1v

Advertisement.

A2r (1)

The
Preface.

Ladies,

In the Tacker together of Mundus Muliebris,
As it was a very great Piece of ill Manners,
to unlock your Dressing-Rooms without your
Leave, so was it no less indecent in him to expose
your Wardrobes to the World, especially in such a
Rhapsody of Rhime Doggeril as looks much more like
an Inventory than a Poem; however, he has only
pilfer’d away the Names of your Varieties without
doing ye any other Mischief; for there is nothing
to be found in all his Index, nor his Dictionary
neither, but what becomes a Person of Quality
to give, and a Person of Quality to receive; and
indeed, considering how frail the mortal Estates of
mortal Gentlemen are, it argues but a common Prudence
in Ladies to take Advantage of the Kindness
of their Admirers; “to make Hay while the Sun
shines”
; well knowing how often they are inveigl’d
out of their Jointures upon all Occasions: Besides, it is a A2 gene- A2v
general Desire in Men, that their Ladies should
keep Home, and therefore it is but reasonable they
should make their Homes as delightfull as it is
possible; and therefore this Bubble of an Inventory
is not to be thought the Effect of general Repentance,
among your Servants and Adorers, but the capricious
Malice of some Person envious of the little
Remunerations of your Kindnesses for being disbandded
from your Conversation; little indeed, considering
the Rewards due to your Merits, otherwise
it would be the greatest Injustice upon Earth for
the Men to think of reforming the Women before they
reform themselves, who are ten times worse in all
respects, as you will have sufficient to retort upon them
when you come by and by to the Matter.

But to shew that it is no new thing for Ladies
to go gay and gaudy, we find in Ovid, that the Women
made use of great variety of Colours for the
Silks of which they made their Garments, of which
the chiefest in request among them were Azure,
Sea-green, Saffron colour, Violet, Ash colour, Rose
colour, Chesnut, Almond Colour, with several others,
as their Fancy thought fit to make choice;
nor were they deny’d the Purple in Grain, overlaid
with Pearl, or embroider’d with Gold: Nor was A3r
was it a strange thing for the Roman Woman to die
their Hair Yellow, as an augmentation to their Beauty;
nor did the severity of the times at all oppose
it, but rather allow’d it. Now, says Ovid, The
Manner of dressing is not of one sort, and therefore
let every Lady choose what best becomes her;
first consulting her Looking-glass. And soon after,
he confesses that there not more Leaves upon
a large Oak, not so many Bees in Hybla, nor so
many wild Beasts ranging the Alps as he could
number differences of dressing Ladies. He tells
ye how Laodamia drest to set off a long Face.
How Diana drest when she went a Hunting: And
how Iole was carelessly drest when she took Alcides
Captive in the Dangles of her Tresses: So that it
is no such new thing for the Women of this Age to desire
rich and splendid Ornaments. And why their
Grandmothers, and Great Grandmothers confin’d
themselves to their Nuptial Kirtles, their Gowns
and Petticoats that lasted so many Anniversaries;
their Virginals for Musick, and their Spanish Pavans,
and Sellingers Rounds for Recreation, after
their long poring upon Tent-stitch, ’tis not a farthing
Matter for our Ladies to enquire: ’Twas their
Misfortune they knew no better; but because they knew A3v
knew no better, ’tis no Argument that our Ladies
should be ty’d to their obsolete Examples: For the
Alterations of Times and Customs alter the Humors
and Fashions of an Age, and change the whole
Frame of Conversation. Juno is by the Poets
trick’d up in Vestments embroidered with all the Colours
of the Peacocks; and no question the Poets
spoke with Relation to the Gallantry of the Women
of those times. And who so gaudy as Madam Iris
in the Skie, and therefore said to be chief Maid of
Honour to Jupiter’s Wife. I could give ye an Account
of the Habits of Venus, and the Graces,
which the Poets adapting to the Modes of those
Times, plainly demonstrates, that the Ladies were no less curious in those days than now.

So then, Ladies, for your comfort be it spoken,
here’s only a “Great Cry and little Wool”; while
the Unlocker of your Dressing-Rooms brings us a
long Bedroll of hard Names to prove that you make
use of a great deal of Variety to set forth and grace
your Beauty, and render your Charms more unresistable,
and that you love to have your Closets splendidly
and richly furnish’d: Heavens be prais’d,
he lays nothing Criminal to your Charge; but only
puts ye in mind of a Chapter in Isaiah, of which you A4r
you are not bound to take much notice, in regard
his mistaking the 6. for the 3: may secure ye there
is little heed to be given to his Divinity.

But on the other side it makes me mad to hear
what the Devil of a Roman Satyr Juvenal speaks
of his own Sex; for tho’ he makes Women bad enough,
he makes it an easier thing to meet with
Prodigies and Monsters, than Men of Sense and
Vertue.

“Should I behold in Rome, that Man, ”says he,

“That were of spotless Fame, and Life unblam’d; More than a Wonder it would be to me, And I that Monster would compare to damn’d: Two-headed Boy, with double Members born, Or Fish, by Plow turn’d up, where lately Corn In fertile Acres grew; or Fole by Mule Brought forth, as Heaven would Nature over-rule: No less amaz’d, than if a stoney Showre Should from the Skie upon the Pavement pour; Or that some Swarm of Bees, ascending higher Than usually, should cluster on the Temple Spire; Or that some rapid and impetuous Stream, Should roll into the Sea, all Bloud, or cream.”

Heavens! how many Wonders do’s Juvenal
make at the sight of an Honest Man in his time;
and yet when he has spoken as bad as he could of the A4v
the Women, we find no such severe Expressions of
his upon the Female Sex. Now Ladies if good
Men are so scarce, what need you care what Fools
and bad Men say. ’Tis true it must be acknowledg’d
a hard Censure upon Men; but it was a Man
that said it; and therefore it makes the better for
the Feminine Gender. Well, Ladies, you may
be pleas’d to make what use of it you think fit, as
being that which will certainly defend ye against all
the Picklocks of your Dressing-Rooms for the future;
besides the Liberty which Ovid, an Authentick
Author, gives ye, to make use of what Dresses,
what Ornaments, what Embellishments you please,
according to the Mode and Practice of those tmes,
under one of the best Rulers of the Roman Empire,
and far more antient than when your Grandmothers
and Great Grandmothers spun Flax, and bespittl’d
their Fingers.

The B1r (1)

The
Fop Display’d;

Or,
The Ladies Vindication:
In Answer to
The Ladies Dressing-Room Unlock’d, &c.

Fain wou’d I, Ladies, briefly know

How you have injur’d Bully Beau;

That he thus falls, with so much noise,

Upon your Trinkets, and your Toys?

Something was in’t; for I protest t’ ye:

He has most wonderfully drest ye:

Nor has his Wrath spar’d ye an inch,

To set ye out in Pedlars French;

And all his Readers to possess,

That Women conjure when they dress:

B Malici- B1v (2)

Malicious Beau-Design, to make

The Ladies Dressing-Room to speak

Hard Words, unknown to all their Gransires;

The Language like of Necromancers.

Heavens! must Men still be at th’ Mercies

Of new Medeas, and new Circes;

Not working by the fatal Powers

Of old inchanting Herbs and Flowers;

But by the Magick of their Garments,

Conspiring to renew our Torments?

I’ll not believe the venomous Satyr,

It cannot be in Ladies Nature,

So amiable, sweet, and active,

To Study Magical Attractive;

As if they wanted Help of Endor,

Their Graces more Divine to render.

Rather we think this Jargonry

Beyond the Skill of Doctor Dee:

Hell’s Preacher, Phlegyas, from below,

Call’d up, and hous’d in carnal Beau;

With wicked Hells Enthusiasm,

Between each Sex to make a Chasm;

For Virgil, never tax’d of Nonsense;

Nor yet provok’d, to injure Lady

Brings, B2r (3)

Brings in the same infernal Rabbi,

Among the Damn’d, disturb’d in Conscience;

And stirr’d with like Satyrick Rage,

Against the Females of that Age.

Ingratefull Rhimer! thus to vex

The more refin’d and lovely Sex,

By acting like officious Novice,

Informer in the Devil’s Crown-Office,

If we mayn’t rather take him for

Some busie, bold Apparator,

In Satan’s Commons Court of Arches,

By his more Feminine Researches:

Tho’ what if many a tainted Whore

Tormented him before his hour,

’Twas mean Revenge, howe’er, to fall

On the whole Sex in general;

’Cause ’twas his ill luck still to light

On Ware unsound, for want of Wit.

What if the Ladies will be brave,

Why may not they a Language have

To wrap their Trinkets up in Mystery?

Since Men are much more blam’d in History,

For tying up their Slipper peaks

With Silver Chains, that reach’d their Necks.

B2 Was’t B2v (4)

Was’t not, d’ye think, a pleasant sight,

To see the smiling Surgeon slit

The swelling Figs, in Bum behind,

Caught by misusing of his Kind?

But Women, only for being quaint,

To signifie the Things they want

By proper Names, must be reproach’d,

For wanton, foolish, and debauch’d;

Yet Learning is no Crime to Ladies,

And Terms of Art are still where Trade is.

Printers speak Gibb’rish at their Cases;

And Weavers talk in unknown Phrases;

And Blacksmith’s ’Prentice takes his Lessons

From Arabick (to us) Expressions:

Why then mayn’t Ladies, in their Stations,

Use novel Names for novel Fashions?

And is not Colbertine, God save us,

Much nearer far than Wevus mavus;

A sort of Cant, with which the young

Corrupted once their Mother Tongue:

Is such a Bumpkin Cant as that

Fit for an Age where only what

Is brisk and airy, new refin’d,

Exalts the Wit, and clears the mind?

No B3r (5)

No Ladies, no; go on your way;

Gay Cloaths require gay Words, we say.

When Art has trimm’d up Head-Attire,

Fit for a Nation to admire;

And Head and Ornament are well met,

Like Amazonian Plume and Helmet;

To call that by a vulgar Name,

Would be too mean, and th’Artist shame;

Call it a Septizonium, or Tiara;

Or what you please, that’s new and rare-a.

May not the Head, the Seat of Sense,

Name it’s own Dress, without Offence?

The Roman Ladies, you are told,

Wore such a Head-Attire of old;

And what if Juvenal were such a Satyr,

The Roman Ladies to bespatter;

Tell Juvenal, he was a Fool,

And must not think to England rule:

Why should her Jewels move my Spleen;

Let her out-dazle Egypt’s Queen:

It shows that Gold the Pocket lines,

Where such illustrious Glory shines;

And there’s a sort of Pride becomes

The Pomp of Dress, as well as Rooms.

I would B3v (6)

I would not for the World be thought

To pick a hole in Ladies Coat;

Because they make it their Delight,

To keep their Bodies trim and tite.

What though the Names be new, and such

As borrow from the French and Dutch?

Or strain’d from the Italian Idiom,

Rather from hence I take the Freedom,

To praise their Care, thus to enrich

And fructifie our barren Speech,

We owe to their Vocabulary,

That makes our Language full and airy,

Enlarging Meige’s Dictionary.

Where things want Names, Names must be had:

Shall Lady cry to Chamber-maid,

“Bring me my Thing there, for my head;

My Thing there, ‘quilted white and red’;

My Thing there for my Wrists and Neck;”

’Tis ten to One the Maids mistake;

Then Lady cries, “The Devil take

Such cursed Sots; my tother Thing;”

Then stead of Shoes, the Cuffs they bring.

“’Slife”――Lady crys, “if I rise up,

I’ll send thee to the Devil to sup;”

And B4r (7)

And thus, like Babel, in conclusion,

The Lady’s Closet’s all Confusion;

When as if Ladies name the Things,

The Maid, whate’er she bid her, brings;

Neither is Lady chaf’d with Anger,

Nor Bones of Maiden put in danger.

Sure then ’twas some ill-natur’d Beau,

To persecute the Ladies so;

For peopling, of their own accords, Phillip’s English World of Words:

A Beau more cruel than the Goths,

Thus to deny the Women Cloaths:

As if to theirs the rich Additions

Were Heathen Rites, and Superstitions;

Or else, as if from Picts descended,

He were with Women’s Cloaths offended;

And spite of cold, or heat of air,

He lov’d to see Dame Nature bare.

Their Shoes and Stays, he says, are tawdry,

Not fit to wear ’cause of th’Embroidry.

For Petticoats he’d have e’m bare-breech’d,

From India ’cause the Stuffs are far-fetch’d.

Their Points and Lace he damns to Hell;

Corruptions of the Common-Weal.

The B4v (8)

The vain Exceptions of Wiseacres,

Fit to goe herd among the Quakers;

And talk to Maudlin, in close Hood,

Things that themselves ne’er understood.

Now let us then the Beau survey,

Has he no Baubles to display:

There’s first the “Dango”, and the Snake,

Those “Dildoes” in the Nape of Neck;

That dangle down behind, to shew

Dimensions of the “Snake” below

’Tis thick, and long: but pizzl’d at th’end,

And would be thought the Woman’s Friend:

Yet they who many times have try’d,

By “Dango” swear the “Snake” bely’d.

Then th’insignificant “Knee-Rowl”,

A mere Whim-wham, upon my Soul;

For that ’twas never made, I fear,

To save the Master’s Knees at Prayer:

Which being worn o’th’ largest size,

That Man “Rolls” full, the Bully cries.

A Term of Art for Knees Concinnity,

Beyond the Sense of School-Divinity.

What Beau himself would so unman,

To ride in scandalous Sedan?

A Car- C1r (9)

A Carriage only fit for Midwives,

That of their Burthens go to rid Wives;

Unless to hide, from Revelation,

Th’Adulterer’s haste to Assignation.

What Dunces are our Tonsors grown,

Where’s their Gold Filings in an Amber Box,

To strew upon their Masters Locks,

And make ’em glitter in the Sun?

Sure English Beaus may out-vie Venus,

As well as Commodus, or Gallienus.

’Twas Goldilocks, my lovely Boy,

Made Agamemnon ruine Troy

I could produce ye Emperours

That sate in Womens Dress whole hours,

Expos’d upon the publick Stage

Their Catamites, Wives by Marr’age.

Your old Trunk-hose are laid aside,

For what-d’-ye-call-em’s Tail to hide;

So strait and close upon the Skin,

As onely made for Lady’s Eyne;

To see the shape of Thighs and Groin:

Hard case Priapus should be so restrain’d,

That had whole Orchards at command.

C Yet C1v (10)

Yet these are Toys, in Men, more wise,

To Womens innocent Vanities.

While soft Sir Courtly Nice looks great,

With the unmortgag’d Rents of his Estate:

What is the Learning he adores,

But the Discourse of Pimps and Whores?

She who can tye, with quaintest Art,

The spruce Cravat-string, wins his Heart;

Where that same Toy does not exactly sit,

He’s not for common Conversation fit.

How is the Barber held Divine,

That can a Perriwig Carine!

Or else Correct it; which you please;

For these are Terms too, now-a-days,

Of modern Gallants to entice

The Barber to advance his Price:

For if a Barber be not dear,

He must not cover Coxcomb’s Ear.

Bless us! what’s there? ’tis something walks,

A piece of Painting, and yet speaks:

Hard Case to blame the Ladies Washes,

When Men are come to mend their Faces.

Yet some there are such Women grown,

They cann’t be by their Faces known:

Some C2r (11)

Some wou’d be like the fair Adonis;

Some would be Hyacinthus Cronies;

And then they study wanton use

Of Spanish Red, and white Ceruse;

The only Painters to the Life,

That seem with Natures self at strife;

As if she only the dead Colours laid,

But they the Picture perfect made.

What Zeuxis dare provoke these Elves,

That to out-doe him paint themselves?

For tho’ the Birds his painted Grapes did crave,

These paint and all Mankind deceive.

This sure must spend a World of Morning,

More than the Ladies quick adorning;

They have found out a shorter way,

Not as before, to wast the day;

They only comb, wash hands and face,

And streightway, with a comely Grace,

On the admired Helmet goes,

As ready rigg’d as their lac’d Shoes.

Far much more time Men trifling wast,

E’er their soft Bodies can be drest;

The Looking-Glass hangs just before,

And each o’th’ Legs requires an hour:

C2 Now C2v (12)

Now thereby, Ladies, hangs a Tale,

A Story for your Cakes and Ale.

A certain Beau was lately dressing,

But sure, e’er he had crav’d Heavens Blessing;

When in comes Friend, and finds him laid

In mournfull plight, upon his Bed.

“Dear Tom”, quoth he, such a Mischance

As ne’er befell the Foes of France;

Nay, I must tell thee, Fleury Battel

Was ne’er to Europe half so fatal;

For by I know not what ill luck,

My Glass this Morn fell down and broke

Upon my Shin, just in my Rolling;

Now is not this worth thy condoling?

See Stocking cut, and bloody Shin,

Besides the Charge of healing Skin.

’Twas the only Kindness of my Fate,

It mist the solid Piece, my Pate.”

Ladies, this was ill luck, but you

Have much the worser of the two;

The World is chang’d I know not how,

For Men kiss Men, not Women now;

And your neglected Lips in vain,

Of smugling Jack, and Tom complain:

A most C3r (13)

A most unmanly nasty Trick,

One Man to lick the other’s Cheek;

And only what renews the shame

Of J. the first, and Buckingham:

He, true it is, his Wives Embraces fled

To slabber his lov’d Ganimede;

But to employ, those Lips were made

For Women in Gomorrha’s Trade;

Bespeaks the Reason ill design’d,

Of railing thus ’gainst Woman-kind:

For who that loves as Nature teaches,

That had not rather kiss the Breeches

Of Twenty Women, than to lick

The Bristles of one Male dear Dick?

Now wait on Beau to his Alsatia,

A Place that loves no Dei Gratia;

Where the Undoers live, and Undone,

In London, separate from London;

Where go but Three Yards from the street,

And you with a new Language meet:

Prig, Prigster, Bubble, Caravan,

Pure Tackle, Buttock, Purest pure.

Sealers, Putts, Equipp, and Bolter;

Lug out, Scamper, rub and scowre.

Ready C3v (14)

Ready, Rhino, Coal, and Darby,

Meggs, and Smelts, and Hoggs, and Decus;

Tathers, Fambles, Tatts and Doctors,

Bowsy, Smoaky, Progg, and Cleare,

Bolter, Banter, Cut a shamm;

With more a great deal of the same.

Should Saffold make but half this Rattle,

When Maidens visit his O-racle,

They’d take him for some Son of Cham,

Calling up Legion by his Name.

Add but to this the Flanty-Tant

Of Fopling Al-a-mode Gallant;

Why should not “Gris”, or “Jardine”,

Be as well allow’d as Bien gaunte;

“Cloaths” is a paltry Word Ma foy;

But Grandeur in the French “Arroy”.

“Trimming”’s damn’d English, but “le Grass”

Is that which must for Modish pass. To call a Shoe a “Shoe”, is base,

Let the genteel “Picards” take Place.

Hang “Perriwig”, ’tis only fit

For Barbers Tongues that ne’er spoke Wit;

But if you’d be i’th’ Fashion, choose

The far politer Term, “Chedreux”

What C4r (15)

What Clown is he that proudly moves,

With on his hands what we call “Gloves”?

No Friend, for more refin’d converse

Will tell ye they are Orangers.

So strangely does Parisian Air

Change English Youth, that half a year

Makes ’em forget all Native Custome,

To bring French Modes, and Gallic Lust home;

Nothing will these Apostates please,

But Gallic Health, and French Disease.

In French their Quarrels, and their Fears,

Their Joys they publish, and their Cares;

In French they quarrel, and in French

Mon coeur, they cry, to paltry Wench.

Why then should these Extravagants

Make such Rhime-doggeril Complaints

Against the Ladies Dressing-Rooms,

And closets stor’d with rich Perfumes?

There’s nothing there but what becomes

The Plenty of a fair Estate:

Tho’ Chimney Furniture of Plate,

Tho’ Mortlake Tapestry, Damask-Bed;

Or Velvet all Embroidered;

Tho’ C4r (16)

Tho’ they affect a handsome store,

Of part for State, of usefull more;

They’re Glories not to be deny’d

To Women, stopping there their Pride;

For such a Pride has nothing ill,

But only makes them more genteel.

Should Nature these fine Toys produce,

And Women be debarr’d the use?

These are no Masculine Delights;

Studies of Books for Men are sights;

A Stable with good Horses stor’d,

And Payment punctual to their Word:

Proportion these things to my Wishes,

Let Women take the Porcelan Dishes;

The Toylet Plates gilt andembostand embost,

With all the rest of little cost:

Such small Diffusion feeds the Poor,

While Misers hoard up all their store.

Our Satyr then was one of those

Who ne’er had Wealth at his dispose;

Or being sped to live in Plenty,

Posted to find his Coffers empty;

Addicted all to sport and Gaming,

And that same Vice not worth the naming;

Till D1r (2417)

Till deeply dipp’d in Us’rers Books,

And over-rid by Cheats and Rooks,

The Mint becomes his Sanctuary,

Where not of his past Errors weary,

But aged grown, and impotent,

Alike in Purse and Codpiece spent,

He Cynic turns, in King’s-Bench Tub,

And vents the Froth of Brewers Bub:

Where we will leave him melancholly,

Bewailing Poverty, and Folly.

D A Sup- D1v

A Short Supplement to the Fop-Dictionary,
so far as concerns the present Matter.

Adieu donce me Cheres
Farewell my dear Friends.
Arroy
A Suit of Cloaths.
To adjust a Man’s self
That is, to dress himself.
Beau
A Masculine French Adjective, signifying fine;
but now naturaliz’d into English to denote a sparkish
dressing Fop.
Beaux Esprits
A Club of Wits, who call’d themselves so.
Bachique
A Drinking Song or Catch.
The Brilliant of Language
Sharpness and wittiness of Expression.
A Brandenburgh
A Morning Gown.
To Carine a Perriwig
That is, to order it.
Chedreux
A Perriwig.
Correct
The same as

Carine

Deshabille
Undrest, or rather in a careless Dress.
En Cavalier
Like a Gentleman.
Esclat
Of Beauty, or the Lustre of Beauty.
Eveille.
Eveille
I observ’d her more Eveille than other Women;
that is, more sprightly and airey.
Equipt
That is, well furnish’d with Money and Cloaths.
Gaunte Bient Gaunte
Modish in his Gloves.
Grossier
The World is very Grossier; that is, very dull, and
ill bred.
Levee and Couchee
Is to attend a Gentleman at his rising or going to
Bed.
Le Grass
The Furniture of a Suit.
Orangers
The Term for Gloves scented with Oranges.
Picards
Shoes in downright English.
Pulvillio
Sweet Powder for the Hair.
Rolls
A sort of Dress for the Knees, invented as some
say by the Roman Catholicks, for the conveniency
of Kneeling but others ascribe the lucky Fancy to
Coll. S----.
A Revoir
Till I see you again.
Surtout
The great Coat which covers all.

For the rest you are referr’d to the Dilucidations
of the Alsatian Squire.

Finis.

D2v

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