i A1r

The Beau Defeated:

Or,
The Lucky Younger Brother.

A
Comedy.

As it is now Acted
By His Majeſty’s Servants at the New Theatre in
Lincolns-Inn-Fields.

London,
Printed for W. Turner at the Angel, at Lincolns-Inn-
back-Gate
; and R. Baſſet at the Mitre, againſt
Chancery-Lane in Fleetſtreet.
1700[1700]

ii A1v iii A2r

To Her Grace the Dutcheſs of Bolton.

Madam,

When the Curious hand of Nature draws Perfection, when Beauty like yours appears, all are inſpired with Wonder and Delight, every Heart is filled with Pleaſure; becauſe every Heart is full of you; Pardon my Ambition, Pardon the daring of a Pen, too weak to Coppy inimitable Graces; but if none may aim at your lovely Picture, unleſs they have Power to do you Juſtice, your Praiſes muſt be left unſung, and you for ever adored in Silence.

I own the following Play claims not the leaſt Merrit to ſuch a Glorious Protection, but that is all I have to boaſt, all the reward my Towring Fancy covets, is centred in my Illuſtrious Patroneſſes; this will to after Ages make my Trifle Sacred, when they behold prefix’d ſuch Names, whoſe Virtues Hiſtorians, Poets, and never dying Fame ſhall join with me to Eternize.

The iv A2v

The Dedication

The Play is partly a Tranſlation from the French; what I added, if it had not the power to pleaſe, had no Immodeſty to offend, which I hope will be an attonement with your Grace, for other Defects in my Younger Brother; I wou’d have perſwaded the World to prize Deſert, before the Gifts of Fortune, but the major part are too ſordid to like the Example, few are ſo truly Noble to fix without Intreſt, which makes ſo very few truly happy in their Choice.

I woul’d have deferr’d Addreſſing to Your Grace, till I had aimed at an Offering more Worthy, but my Charmed Eyes being lately bleſs’d with the ſight of You, have let into my mind ſuch a Beautiful Idea, that I liv’d in pain till I expreſs’d my Admiration.

To be Great and Good, and Exquiſitly Fair, are the happieſt Epethets Fate beſtows on Mortals; that they are juſtly Your Graces due, will, I am ſure, be confirmed by an Univerſal Voice; and that you may Live long to adorn the Titles, whoſe Luſtre receive addition from that Beauteous Fame, is the Eternal wiſh off

Madam, Your Graces, moſt humble, and moſt Obedient Servant

,

Mary Pix.

v A3r

Dramatis Perſonæ.

Sir John Roverhead, A Beau, Mr. Bowman.

Elder Clerimont, a Country Squire, Mr. Trout.

Younger Clerimont, Mr. Verbruggen.

Belvoir, his Friend, Mr. Thurmond.

Mr. Rich, a Citizen,

Chriſ. Servant to Sir John.

TobyandJack. Servants to the two Clerimonts.

Women.

Mrs. Bracegirdle, Lady Landſworth, A Rich Widow of the North.

Mrs. Barry, Mrs. Rich. a Fantaſtick City Widow.

Mrs. Bowman, Mrs. Clerimont.

Lucinda, Niece to the Widow Rich.

Her Governeſs.

Mrs. PrinceLady la Baſſet and Mrs. Trickwell, Gameſters.

Mrs. Willis, Mrs. Fidget, Landlady to Younger Clerimont.

Betty, Mrs. Rich’s Maid.

Prologue Spoke by Mr. Bowman.

Your Servant Ladies fair――And how I pray,

Like you my Dreſs and Garniture to Day.

’Faith I’ve ſurvay’d my ſelf from Top to Toe,

And find I make a moſt Accompliſh’d Beau.

If all theſe Charms, to win a Fortune fail,

I’le leave Champagne, and drown my ſhape in Ale;

What care I if I’m bigger than a Whale?

But why ſhould I deſpair of being Bleſt.

Can Female Heart withſtand a Man thus Dreſt?

As I was lately Walking in the Mall,

Heav’ns! how the Ladies flock’d about me all.

I’le vow they came ſo Termagently Fierce on,

I fear’d ſome ſtrange deſigns upon my Perſon.

Says one, and faith the Nymph was well enough,

Mind, with what Air and Grace he takes his Snuff,

The ſecond cry’d, and pray obſerve his Muff.

vi A3v

My Sword-Knot charm’d the fancy of the third,

Poor ſimple thing ſhe ſcarce cou’d ſpeak a Word.

And I, replies the fourth, Alaſs am Slain!

With the Celeſtial motion of his Cane.

The Fifth was ſtrangely ſmitten with my ſhape;

Nay hold, I cried, you wont commit a Rape?

For mine, and for your own dear ſakes be quiet,

Or Ladies I’le endite you for a Riot.

But hold――there’s ſomething I was begg’d to ſay,

In favour of our modeſt Authors Play.

He hop’d you’d like――but Ha! the Bird is Flown, feeling in his Pockets.

No matter, I’le ſay ſomething of my own.

Know then, our Comedy firſt came from France,

Which here perhaps, its Fortune may advance.

Ladies, be you as kind as you are pretty,

And you Gallants as merciful as Witty:

Then may both Stage and Poet hope to thrive,

Tis by your Bounty both are kept alive.

Epilogue Spoken by a Boy.

Cuſtome in England makes poor Poet ſcrape,

In hopes by that Damnation to eſcape.

But we our Plot have fetch’d from Foreign Nation,

And there ſuch ſcraping is no ver good Faſhion.

Therefore our Author arm’d with French Aſſurance,

No Pardon Asks, and owns no ill performance.

But hither ſends me à la mode de France,

Meſſieurs & Dames, to treat you with a Dance. After the Dance.

Ma foi,――――――――taking Breath.

I have exhauſted quite ma reſpiration,

To pleaſe the Ladies, ſur ma reputation.

I’de pleaſe the Fair, tho’ I were ſure of Dying,

I hope I have not ſtrain’d my back with Trying.

Come then ye Beaux, your gayeſt Smiles put on.

’Twill ſpoil thoſe dear bewitching looks to Frown.

Alaſs, why ſhould you your ill nature ſhow?

Starving of us, will nere advavantage you.

A Dam’ſell once attack’d by Fleſh and Blood,

By this one Argument her Spark withſtood;

You’l ruin me, and do your ſelf no good.

Then let our Theatre your favour find,

’Tis for your Honour, Gallants, to be kind.

1 B1r 1

Act I. Scene I.

Enter Mrs. Rich with Betty, her Maid.

Betty.

What’s the matter, Madam? What has happen’d to you? What has any body done to you?

Mrs. Rich.

An Affront?. . . . Ah! I die: An affront! . . . . I faint: I cannot ſpeak. A Chair quickly.

Betty.

Giving a Chair.

An affront! to you, Madam, an affront! Is it poſſible!

Mrs. Rich.

But too true, my poor Betty. Oh! I ſhall dye. To diſreſpect me in the open Street! What Inſolence!

Betty.

How, Madam! Not to ſhow reſpect to ſuch a perſon as you? Madam Rich; the Widow of an honeſt Banker, who got Two Hundred Thouſand Pounds in the King’s ſervice? Pray Madam, who has been thus inſolent?

Mrs. Rich.

A Dutcheſs; who had the confidence to thruſt my Coach from the Wall, and make it run back above twenty yards.

Betty.

A very impertinent Dutcheſs. What! Madam, your perſon ſhining all o’re with Jewels, your new gilt Coach, your dappl’d Flanders with long Tails, your Coachman with cocking Whiskers like a Swiſs Guard, your ſix Footman cover’d with Lace more than any on a Lord-Mayor’s day? I ſay, could not all this imprint ſome reſpect in the Dutcheſs?

Mrs. Rich.

Not at all. And this beggarly Dutcheſs, at the end of an old Coach, drawn by two miſerable ſtarv’d Jades, made her tatter’d Footmen inſult me.

Betty.

S’life! where was Betty. I’d have told her what ſhe was.

Mrs. Rich.

I ſpoke to her with a meen and tone proportionable to my Equipage; but ſhe, with a ſcornful ſmile, cry’d hold thy peace, Citizen, ſtruck me quite dumb.

Betty.

Citizen! Citizen! To a Lady in a gilt Coach, lin’d with crimſon Velvet, and hung round with a gold Fringe.

Mrs. Rich.

I ſwear to thee, that I had not the force to anſwer to this deadly Injury; but order’d my Coachman to turn, and drive me home a full gallop.

Betty.

But Madam, pray conſider things rightly, and take this as it was intended; for, I conceive, it was not againſt your Perſon, but your Name, that this Affront was deſign’d; and why do you not make haſte to change it?

Mrs. Rich.

That I have reſolv’d; but I quarrel daily with my Deſtiny, that I was not at firſt a Woman of Quality.

Betty.

Well, well, Madam, you have no great reaſon to complain; and tho’ you are not as yet a Woman of Quality, you are at leaſt very rich; and you know, that with money you may buy Quality, but Birth very often brings no Eſtate.

Mrs. Rich.

That’s nothing; there is ſomething very charming in Quality, and a great Name.

Betty.

Yet ſure you’d think your ſelf in a worſe condition, Madam, were you, as many great Ladies in the World are, who want every thing; and, in ſpight of Btheir2B1v2 their great Name, are known, but by the great number of Creditors, that are bawling at their Doors from morning till night.

Mrs. Rich.

That’s the modiſh Air, ’tis that diſtinguiſhes the People of Quality.

Betty.

Methinks, Madam, ’tis a great ſatisfaction, to dare to go out at the great Gate, without being in danger of having your Coach and Horſes ſeiz’d by a troop of Serjeants: What wou’d you ſay, if you were oblig’d to return home in a filthy Hack, as ſeveral of Quality have done?

Mrs. Rich.

Ah! would to Heavens, that had happen’d to me, and that I were a Counteſs.

Betty.

But, Madam, you don’t imagine――

Mrs. Rich.

Yes, yes, I do imagine, and I had rather be the beggarlieſt Counteſs in the Town, than the Widow of the richeſt Banker in Europe. Well I am reſolv’d; and, I will be a Counteſs, coſt what it will; and to that intent, I’ll abſolutely break all commerce with thoſe little Cits, by whoſe Alliance I am debas’d; and firſt I’ll begin with Mr. Rich.

Betty.

Mr. Rich, Madam, your Brother-in-Law?

Mrs. Rich.

My Brother-in-Law! my Brother-in-Law! thou ſimple Wench! prythee know better!

Betty.

Pardon me, Madam, I thought he had been your Brother-in-Law, becauſe he was Brother to your Deceas’d Husband.

Mrs. Rich.

That’s true, my Husband’s Brother, but my Husband being Dead, Fool, Mr. Rich is now no more Kin to me than my Footman; nevertheleſs the Fellow thinks himſelf of Importance, and is continually a cenſuring my Conduct, and controuling my Actions: Nay, even the little Minx his Daughter, when we go in my Coach together, places her ſelf at the end by my ſide.

Betty.

Little ridiculous Creature!

Mrs. Rich.

But that which Angers me the moſt, is, that with her little ſmiling, mimicking Behaviour, ſhe attracts the Eyes of the whole Town, and I have not ſo much as a Glance.

Betty.

What a Fooliſh Town is this! becauſe ſhe’s young and pretty, they take more notice of her than you.

Mrs. Rich.

It ſhall be otherwiſe, or I’ll ſee her no more.

Betty.

Nay, your Ladyſhip will Humble her, for of late you rarely ſuffer her to come near you.

Mrs. Rich.

Well, I will have a Title, and a Name, that’s reſolv’d; a Name that ſhall fill the Mouth.

Betty.

Ah! Madam, a great Name will become you extreamly; but a Name is not ſufficient, I believe you muſt have a Husband too; and you ought to take care what choice you make.

Mrs. Rich.

I know the World well enough, and have in my Eye one of the moſt Accompliſh’d Gentlemen in the Town.

Betty.

How, Madam, already made your choice, and I know nothing?

Mrs. Rich.

Sir John would not let me tell thee.

Betty.

What, Sir John? Sir John Roverhead of Roverhead Caſtle?

Mrs. Rich.

He himſelf.

Betty.

Why, Madam, ſpeak ſeriouſly, is it Sir John Roverhead you deſign to Marry?

Mrs. Rich.

Prythee where’s the wonder?

Betty.

Why pray conſider, Madam, Sir John is not worth a Groat.

Mrs. 3 B2r 3

Mrs. Rich.

I have ſufficient for us both, and there is Juſtice in what I deſign. Mr. Rich did not get his Eſtate too honeſtly; and ’tis ſome kind of Reſtitution, to raiſe up with what he has left me, one of the Ancients Families in the North.

Betty.

Oh! ſince ’tis a Marriage of Conſcience I have no more to ſay.

Mrs. Rich

Betty.

Betty.

Madam.

Mrs. Rich.

Prythee what’s thy Sirname.

Betty.

Has your Ladyſhip forgot.

Mrs. Rich.

Doſt imagine it worth a place in my memory?

Betty.

Cork, Madam.

Mrs. Rich.

Oh, filthy! from henceforth let me call thee de la Bett; that has and Air French, and agreeable.

Betty.

What you pleaſe, Madam.

Mrs. Rich.

De la Bett, whatever Bills the Mechanical fellows, little Trades people bring ye, let ’em wait, let ’em Walk for’t, and watch my Lever, but if Monſieur comes that brought the prohibited Gloves, l’eau de fleur d’Orange, and the Complexion, you underſtand me, give him his price, and ready Money.

Betty.

Yes, Madam.

Mrs. Rich.

And do ye hear, put a Hundred Guineas in the Embroider’d Purſe for Baſſett.

Betty.

Bleſs me, Madam! have you loſt all that I put in yeſterday Morning?

Mrs. Rich.

Impertinence! I am ſufficiently recompenc’d in Learning the Game, and the Honourable Company I am admitted into.

Betty.

Indeed, Madam, the Footmen ſay, Mrs. Trickwell is a perfect Female Rook, lives upon Gaming, nay, and keeps out on’t, they ſay, and they can tell.

Mrs. Rich.

Hold your tongue, ſhe is a Woman of Quality, knows every body at Court, all their Intrigues, is as deep in Affairs, and keeps as many Secrets, as Maintenon, I’ll be ſworn; ma foie. What a word was there! But, as I was ſaying, ſhe has told me, and half a dozen Ladies more, Secrets ſix hours together; and ſuch Secrets, de la Bett, let me die, were we not Women of diſcretion, might reach the Lives, or eternally diſgrace, of ſome that ſhall be nameleſs.

Betty.

They are very happy, if they are in her power.

Mrs. Rich.

Peace, has no body ſent a How-de-yee yet?

Betty.

No.

Mrs. Rich.

’Tis my horrid Cuſtom of getting up ſo early in a morning.

Betty.

Madam, ’tis paſt Twelve.

Mrs. Rich.

And I dreſt, and have been abroad, Abominable! I charge yee to morrow don’t bring my Cloaths till paſt Two, if I am ſo mad to call for ’em.

Betty.

Wont your Ladyſhip inquire after my Lady Landſworth’s health, methinks you neglect her, tho’ ſhe is rich, gay and beautiful, and honours your Houſe with her choice of it whilſt ſhe’s in Town.

Mrs. Rich.

Honours! Who art thou ſpeaking to, Sweet-heart? I do not like her, ſhe wont play; nay, will ſit ye two hours together and ſpeak ill of no body; ſhe is not fit for the converſation of Quality.

Enter a Boy.

Boy.

Madam, Mrs. Trickwell, and another Lady, is come to teach your Ladyſhip, Shombring, I think they call it.

B2 Mrs. 4 B2v 4

Mrs. Rich.

Ombre, Sot, I ſhall be rid of thee, thou fragment of the ſhop. De la Bett, I’ll go to them, if Sir John comes, call me, not elſe.

Exit Mrs. Rich and Boy. Enter Lady Landſworth.

Lanſworth.

My dear Mrs. Betty, I’m glad to find thee alone.

Betty.

Your Ladyſhip does me too much honour.

L. Landſ

Thou art ſo diſcreet and obliging, I cannot love thee too well. Where’s thy impertinent Miſtreſs?

Betty.

Gone to learn Ombre, with a hundred Guinea’s in her pocket.

L. Landſ.

Ha, ha, ha, her pride, ill nature, and Self-opinion, makes her Follies unpitty’d. I’de fain be rid of the nauſeous converſation this Houſe abounds with.

Betty.

Indeed my City Lady turning Courtier, has a hopeful ſtock of Teachers; Miſtreſſes grown old, and then forſaken, who, in the tatters of their Proſperity, paſs upon her for decay’d Quality, Female Gameſters, and Fools in abundance.

L. Landſ.

They are affected without beauty, or good cloths, tho’ that alone’s enough to ſpoil one that had both; their mirth is inſipid, and their raillery abuſive, and yet not poinant. For my part, I’ve almoſt loſt my gay humour for fear of being like ’em; if I continue here one Week longer I ſhall ’en exchange the Town, where I expected ſuch pleaſure, for my old Yorkſhire retirement.

Betty.

Cou’d you but get Mrs. Clerimont to ye, Madam, ſhe’d immediately introduce you to the Beau Monde, where Wit, Gallantry, and Good Breeding, are emulators. You ſay ſhe’s a Relation.

L. Landſ.

She is ſo at a diſtance, but you ſee all my ſending will not prevail with her to come at me, nor appoint a time when I ſhall wait upon her; what can be the reaſon?

Betty.

I know not, unleſs ’tis being here; for truly I fancy, tho’ my Miſtreſs is fled to Covent Garden, ſhe is as much deſpis’d by the real Quality, as ſhe is cajol’d by the Pretenders to it. You ſay you are not acquainted with Mrs. Clerimont tho’ related to her: So perhaps ſhe gueſſes you of our Stamp, and avoids yee. For Heavens ſake Madam, how came yee hither?

L Landſ.

Why, I’ll tell thee, Betty, I was married a meer Baby to a very old Man, who, in his Youth, having been a Debauchee, and dealing only with the worſt of our Sex, had an ill Opinion of all, kept me like a Nun, broke off all commerce to London, or indeed with any body, not excepting Relations.

Betty.

And cou’d you indure this?

Lady Landſworth,

Moſt patiently; never found fault with his Woollen Shirts or Night-Caps, lay all Night to the Muſick of his Cough, or the ratling of his Ptiſick, writ nothing but Receipts, ſcarce ever open’d my Mouth, but out came, how do ye do, my dear; did the Sirrup I made laſt pleaſe ye?

Betty.

Your Ladyſhip was a Miracle.

L. Landſworth.

And what do you think I got by doing thus?

Betty.

I don’t know, but I’m ſure you deſerv’d a great Deal.

L. Landſworth.

Even Three Thouſand Pounds a Year, beſides Mony, Plate, and Jewels. This Mrs. Rich’s Husband was my old Man’s Banker, and once I ſaw her in the Country, beſides ſhe had money of mine in her hands, ſo to her, and this dear Town I came; reſolving to perticipate all the innocent Liberty my Youth, my Wealth, and Sex deſires.

Betty.

Ah, Madam! had our Sex but your forbearance, they might all be happy.

L.Lady Landſ.Landsworth 5 B3r 5

L. Landſworth.

I am of the mind that Fortune offers every mortal their ſhare of ſatisfaction; but if they pluck the green Fruit, foreſtal her purpoſe, or miſs the ripen’d moment, they rarely have another proſpect.

Betty.

Right, Madam, and is it not the ſame in Love? If a Lady refuſes the Man ſhe likes, all her Adventures in that kind prove aukward and unlucky after it.

L. Landſworth.

Say’ſt thou ſo, Mrs. Betty; well I am reſolv’d to indulge my Inclinations, and rather than not obtain the perſon I like, invert the Order of nature, and perſue, tho’ he flies.

Betty.

Impoſſible, one glance of yours ſubdues the proudeſt Love-defier of them all.

L. Landſworth.

Pho, you flatter; but ſeriouſly my dear Confidant, being once condemn’d to Matrimony without ever asking my conſent, now I have the freedom to make my own choice, and the whole World the Mart. . . . I have the oddeſt Whimſies.

Betty.

Then your Ladyſhip intends to venture upon a ſecond Marriage?

L. Landſworth.

Truly, Mrs. Betty, I believe ſo, why ſhould we diſſemble when we are alone?――but ſuch a Husband I would have.

Betty.

What ſort of a Husband? let’s hear the Marks? that I may try to find the Man.

L. Landſworth.

He ſhould be Gentile, yet not a Beau; Witty, yet no Debauche; ſuſceptible of Love, yet abhorring lew’d Women; Learned, Poetical, Muſical without one Dram of Vanity; in fine, very meritorious, yet very modeſt; generous to the laſt degree, and Maſter of no Eſtate; mightily in Love with me, and not ſo much as know I am worth the Cloaths I wear.

Betty.

Ha, ha, ha, to your Romances again Lady fair, ’tis only there you can converſe with thoſe Heros, this Town affords no ſuch, I can aſſure you: Modeſt, Meritorious, and Genteel, ha, ha, ha, your Pardon, Madam, why ſuch a Wight would not get his daily Bread, not Rags to cover his Nakedneſs; tis Frontleſs Impudence makes the Grand appearance, and carries the World before it.

L. Landſworth.

I ſuppoſe I ſhall increaſe your Laughter, when I tell you I fancy I have found the Man.

Betty.

Madam.

L. Landſworth.

You know, thoroughly tir’d with the Impertinence within, and not being fitted to give or receive Viſits, I have often rambled with my Woman Incognito――and have done the ſtrangeſt things.

Betty.

What, for Heavens ſake?

L. Landſworth.

Even loſt my Heart; in Love, Mrs. Betty, deſperately in Love.

Betty.

With whom, dear Madam?

L. Landſworth.

Oh, a pretty Gentleman, who has all thoſe accompliſhments I deſire writ in his Face, as plain as――

Betty.

The Noſe in’t, I warrant.

L. Landſworth.

Yes truly, for all your jeſting: I ſate by him in the Play-Houſe and diſcover’d his Senſe as taking as his Figure.

Betty.

But where was his modeſty, when he attack’d a Mask?

L. Landſworth.

That’s your miſtake, ’twas I gave the onſet, nay, went farther, appointed him a meeting there again, injoyn’d him not to dog me, nor endeavour to learn who I was, which he punctually obey’d.

Betty.

And you perform’d your Aſſignation.

B3 L illegible 6 B3v 6

L. Landſworth.

Yes indeed, laſt Night; and to try his Generoſity, when the Door-keeper came into the ſide Box for Money, I ſeem’d in a great fright, and ſaid, I had left my purſe at home, he immediately offer’d me a Guinea, which tho’ I accepted, by the melancholy Air of his Face, I gueſs’d it had not a Twin Brother.

Betty.

Bleſs me, Madam! that pretence, and taking his mony, made you look like a Woman of the Town.

L. Landſworth.

So I deſign’d: I forc’d him to tell me his Name and Lodging, e’r I’de accept the favour, and now I have a Game to play, wherein you muſt aſſiſt me.

Betty.

In what ever you deſire. Oh! Madam, Sir John Roverhead is juſt upon us.

L. Landſworth.

What luck is this! is there no avoiding the Fop?

Enter Sir John Roverhead, and Chriſ. his Man.

Sir John.

Ha, Chriſ.! the beautiful wealthy Widow of the North.

Chriſ.

Why, Sir, ſhe is not Mrs. Rich.

Sir John.

Sagely diſcover’d, but ſhe’s better, Mr. Wiſdom, more deſirable, and deeper in my Affections.

Chriſ.

Your Pardon, Sir, I have done.

Sir John.

Stand back. adjuſting himſelf to Chriſ.

L. Landſworth.

What poſtures the thing uſes, to make it more ridiculous than nature firſt deſign’d it.

Sir John.

Now to be florid. To Chriſ. Sure ſome auſpicious Planet rul’d to day, for every Star is witneſs, how often, when I have made my Viſit here, I have ſigh’d to ſee your Ladyſhip,――

L. Landſ.

Still taking Coach, or Chair. Have I not helpt you out, Sir?

Sir John.

Lord, Madam, ſuch beauty, Wit and Dreſs what Man can bear?

L. Landſ.

Such affectation, folly and nonſenſe, what Woman can indure? Exit.

Sir John.

Ay hey, Mrs.――Betty, what’s the meaning of this?

Betty.

The effect of her Country ignorance.

Sir John.

It muſt be ſo, for I think Chriſ, I am nicely Dreſs’d to day.

Chriſ.

Ay, but perhaps ſhe likes the Inward-man.

Sir John.

She’s a fool, that’s certain. But, Mrs. Betty, I hope my Affairs ſtand well with your Lady; this was but a trifle whom I addreſs’d too with my univerſal Gallantry, which had ſhe receiv’d, I ſhould have laugh’d at; my Valet knows ’tis my way to all that make an appearance.

Chriſ

Under Fifty.

Sir John.

Or above, if they make an appearance.

Betty.

Ay, Sir John, ’tis you alone have the bewitching way, Court all the World, and catch my unweary Miſtreſs by the by; becauſe ’tis like Quality.

Sir John.

Like! that’s degrading; I’de be an original, like nothing.

Betty.

Nothing ſure can be like you.

Sir John.

A witty Baggage this, we muſt ingage her.

Chriſ

Withal my heart, ſecure you the Miſtreſs, and let me alone for the Maid.

Sir John.

Well, but Mrs. Betty, after this idle chat ſhall we crave leave to ſee your Miſtreſs.

Betty.

You may, and you only; ſhe’s at Cards.

Sir John.

I proteſt thou art charmingly dreſs’d, and pretty, I vow; what Deſign have you to day?

Betty.

Is it to me you ſpeak, Sir?

Sir John.

To whom elſe?

Betty. 7 B4r 7

Betty.

I thought, like a Poet you were repeating, and deſign’d the Complement for the next of Quality you met.

Sir John.

Fie, fie, let me dye if you are not the prettieſt, amiable Creature I know: Prythee who makes thy Mantoe’s; how modeſtly the little Creature dreſſes her Head too!

Betty.

Ha, ha, ha, this is exceſs of French breeding. But, Sir John, you forget my Lady expects you.

Sir John.

I ſhall ever forget her when I look upon thee, my Life, my Soul, She threw by her Knotting in haſte――Sings. ho, ho, ho, come along Chriſ. I’ve ſhot her flying. And caught me about my well ſhap’d waſt――Sings. ho, ho, ho, Exit. Singing.

Betty.

So, this is the high top Fool in my Lady’s equipage, the favour’d Fool, and ſhe has enough in her Train to give a Man of ſenſe the ſpleen but to hear her Catalogue. Well, ſince Fortune has thrown me into this Chamber-maid Station, I’le revenge her Cruelty, and plague her Favourites. No Fool by me ſhall e’er ſucceſsful prove,My Plots ſhall help the Man of Senſe in Love.

Act II.

Enter Belvoir meeting Jack.

Belvoir.

How now Jack, is thy Maſter within?

Jack.

No, Sir.

Belvoir.

No, Sir; Let me come Morning, Noon, or Night, ſtill I am anſwer’d, No, Sir; ’twas by accident I found his Lodgings, and I plainly perceive he is deny’d; this is moſt injurious to our former Friendſhip, quite contrary to the Contract made when we were fellow Students, when I was only Clerimonts, and Clerimont Belvoirs.

Jack.

Ay, Sir, my Maſter’s ſtrangely alter’d; but I dare not tell.

Belvoir.

Come, for once I’le tempt thee to a breach of Truſt, I may do him ſervice; I hear his Father’s dead.

Jack.

Ah, Sir! that’s his grief, the very fountain of his Diſcontment.

Bell.

Truſt me, Jack, few Young Gentlemen uſe to break their Hearts for ſuch a Loſs.

Jack.

Yes, if they are Younger Brothers, and left not worth a Groat; ’twill go a great way with them, a great way indeed, Sir.

Bell.

But he was the Old Lord’s Favourit, who had Land enough without entail to make my Clermont happy.

Jack.

Alas! Mr. Bellvoir, I find you know not our Story.

Bell.

Not the particulars, only what I’ve heard from fame; if thou believeſt me thy Maſters Friend, hide nothing from me.

Jack. 8 B4v 8

Jack.

I do, ſo notwithſtanding his Commands, you ſhall hear our misfortunes. You know my Maſter’s Elder Brother, is a perfect Squire, on my Conſcience the product of two Virginities, ſuch an unaccountable Blockhead, that tho’ he gave the aſſured proof of ſpending his Fathers Eſtate, and did it ſo ungenteely, that he was deſpis’d by Men of Senſe, ſhun’d by all but the unthinking Rabble, Rediculous even below Lampooning.

Bell.

Why Jack, the Town improves thee beyond the Univerſity, thou grow’ſt Witty.

Jack.

No, ’tis the Approach of Poverty whets my Spleen; I gad if I am reduc’d to Rags I’ll ſpare ne’r an Elder Brother of them all, tho’ he were a Prince.

Bell.

A well a day, for the poor Gentlemen in gilt Coaches. But proceed to the matter, good Friend John.

Jack.

Why this Dunce, I think I call’d him before, ſhatter Brains.――

Bell.

Hold.

Jack.

Whoſe ſole delight lay in his Kindred Hounds, who for his Hunting Companions, entertain’d all the Lubbers of the four adjacent Pariſhes, till the Country was going to Petition the Parliament for Labourers; this Monſter of the Woods, this――

Bell.

Well what of him.

Jack.

Has got every Penny of my Old Lord’s Eſtate, whilſt my Maſter, the moſt deſerving of his Race, (tho’ I ſay it that ſhould not) is left to Starve, Rob, Drown, or what he pleaſes.

Bell.

But how came this to paſs, Jack, ha?

Jack.

Why that damn’d jilt Fortune, or her left-handed Daughter, as blind as ſhe, Chance.

Belvoir.

A miſchance upon my word.

Jack.

A confounded one. My old Lord lay long Bed-rid of the Gout, and the Wight I have deſcrib’d, liv’d in an Eſtate ſome few Miles diſtant, one day Hunting that way, he bethought himſelf, and made his ſick Father a Viſit; but knowing he could not ſit a moment without talking to his beloved Jowler, Ringwood, &c. takes the whole Kennel along with him into the Chamber, whilſt the t’other Kennel below (I mean the Peaſants) were ſo ſharp ſet, they ſcarce left my Lord an unmaul’d Diſh to come to his Table.

Bellvour.

Horrid, filthy Brutes!

Jack.

In fine, this ſo exaſperated the old Man that in a rage he burnt his Will, deſigning to leave my Maſter whatever was in his power; but the malicious Fates decreed it otherwiſe, for that very night the anger’d Father dy’d ſuddenly, and all his Wealth fell to that ſoft-headed Fool in one Swoop; and the De’il, I ſay, do him good with it.

Belv.

Pho, there muſt be application made to him, Jack, this muſt not be ſuffer’d.

Jack.

To his Huntſman apply then, for he’s his only Oracle.

Belvoir.

Their’s Mrs Clerimont in Town his firſt Couſin, a vaſt Fortune, and one who has a larger ſhare of Wit and Goodneſs; ſhe ſhall be conſulted. What, a young Gentleman ſhall never droop for miſſing a paltry Fortune.

Jack.

Dear Sir, do your beſt. But now I beg of you to be gone; I hear him coming, and he will be in ſuch a Paſſion if he diſcover I have been talking to you, or told he was at home; for ’tis his humour to hide from all his Friends.

Belv.

Well, I’le not croſs him now, but certainly find out ſome way to aſſiſt him. Farewel, honeſt Jack, be ſure you prove faithful and kind to him.

Jack. 9 C1r 9

Jack.

Upon my veracity to my uttermoſt. I only wiſh to ſerve him――

Exit Belvoir Jack ſtands out of ſight Enter Clerimont in Mourning.

Cler.

Mine’s not the Mourning of an Heir; Oh! my Noble Father ſure I ſhould have griev’d enough for thee, for thy unſpeakable loſs, without additional Calamities: What will become of me, muſt I wait at proud Men’s doors, and cring for an admittance? Can I flatter the puft up Lord, and fawn for a vile Office? Debaſe my immortal Soul to feed this moulding Clay? ’Tis impoſſible, ’tis more than Man can bear!

Jack.

Sir.

Cler.

What.

Jack.

I though you call’d.

Cler.

Thou art too officionus; I have advis’d thee oft to leave me, and ſeek thy fortune where the Goddeſs ſmiles, I am a Wretch that now is ſinking lower than his own diſpairing Thoughts can frame.

Jack.

Lord, Sir, is this all the Philoſophy you have learn’d, I think I am the beſt proficient, ſtarving frights not me half ſo much as parting; faith, tho’ the World is crowded with knaves that an honeſt Gentleman can ſcarce breath, I’le joſtle ſtoutly but you ſhall have Elbow room.

Cler.

Poor Fellow! thou differeſt from the common Tribe of Servants; they fly Poverty worſe than Infection; or elſe with ſawcy Impudence inſult.

Enter a Coachman with a Letter.

Coachman.

Is this Mr. Clerimont’s Lodging?

Jack.

Well, and what then, how came you here without calling me? What’s your Name, and what’s your Buſineſs?

Coach.

Not with you, Sawce-box.

Jack.

How, Sirrah!

Cler.

Peace; my Name is Clerimont.

Coach.

Then, Sir, there’s a Lady in my Coach has ſent you this, ſhe ſays it requires no Anſwer.

Gives a Letter and goes off.

Cler.

Ha, Gold! fly Jack, call him back.

Jack.

Pulling in the Coachman.

Heark-yee, you Sneak-noſe, Hounds-face, you have Affronted my Maſter.

Coach.

Why, fool, I brought him Money.

Jack.

I thought ſo, ye Pimp, he ſcorns it.

Cler.

Here, return this back; tell the Lady ſhe miſtakes the Man, and I’ll wait upon her where ſhe appoints, and convince her that ſhe does.

Coach.

Gad, a notable Miſtake.

Cler.

Raſcal, no fingering. Follow you, and take the Number of his Coach; if you are not honeſt, Sirrah, I ſhall find a time to cut your Ears off.

Jack.

I’ll watch him, I warrant. Bring Money to my Maſter! Sirrah, get you gone.

Coach.

Sure they are all diſtracted!

Cler.

From my Mask in the Play-houſe: By my Life a very Harlot: How few in my Circumſtances wou’d refuſe theſe offers; but my Nature’s quite otherwiſe, I cannot be oblig’d where I contemn, nor live ſo vile a way: Not but the temptation’s doubly baited, Profit and Pleaſure; for tho’ the Baggage is looſe as the wanton Winds, yet ſhe is Witty beyond her Sex: What a medley’s here.

Reads.

When I tell ye I am in Love, by that modeſt Air, and down caſt Look of yours, I gueſs you’l think me mad, and expect (according to the Damſels in Romance I ſhould Chave10C1v10 have a Fit of Sickneſs, been at the Point of death, e’er made the diſcovery: But Women of my Character are not ſo nice. I am a Miſtreſs, have abundance of Money, if you have but little, a wiſe Man may pick comfort out of this. I ſend you a Token, as an earneſt of my future favours; agreeable to your wonted Obedience come not to the Coach, but meet me at Four in the Park, and thank me with your Acceptance.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, I ſee the Devil’s not wanting on his part, he’de have me a greater Sinner e’er I come to deſpair. The Poſtſcript is the ſame mad ſtuff. You ſhall know me by an affected motion in my Walk, and a Bell toſs with my head, humph!

Enter Jack.

Jack.

The Lady’s gone, Sir, and the Money too: Gad, Sir, tho’ to pleaſe you, I was in a paſſion, yet my mouth water’d plaguily at the Gold.

Cler.

What ſaid the Creature?

Jack.

The Creature! Gad ſhe was an Angel. She pull’d off her Mask, I believe, to laugh freely, for ſhe burſt out vehemently; and when the Man ſaid you’d have none on’t, ſhe gave her ſelf a ſwing, and cry’d, the more fool he, drive on Coachman.

Cler.

So merry! but ’tis her time whilſt Youth and Beauty laſts; ſhe’ll have Years enough of Sorrow.

Jack.

Sir, my Landlady’s a coming, you have us’d her ſo to Sack and Chocolate in a morning, that ſhe’l ne’er fail you.

Cler.

Piſh, I am ſick of her Impertinence.

Enter Mrs. Fidget.

Good morrow Mr. Clerimont; good Lord, ſtill walking with that melanchooly air! Well, well, were I ſuch a pretty Gentleman, I’de defy Fortune.

Cler.

Prithee, Landlady, what would you have me do; if you think the Ladies will like me ſo well, take my Picture and hang it out at your Belcony; e’en make your beſt of me, if that will content ye.

Mrs. Fidget.

Fy, fy, you might have private Chamber-practice enough, if you’d give your mind to’t: Us’d my life, if the young handſome Fellows were like you, there wou’d never have come ſo many of them to their Coach and Six. Let me tell ye, Mr. Clerimont, if I thought you had been of this reſerv’d Humour, I’de not have let my Lodgings to you. I us’d to have Women of Quality to my fine Gentlemen, and Suppers dreſs’d in my Houſe have laſted my Fam ily a Week; beſides that put into my hand that ſhall be nameleſs, elſe I had ne’er liv’d in the Credit you ſee me in theſe Twenty Years in the Pariſh.

Cler.

Good Mrs. Fidget.

Mrs. Fidget.

[Nay you ſhall hear me.] Brought up my Daughters as I have done: As fine Women, tho’ I ſay it, as any that adorn Covent Garden Church.

Cler.

Church! I ſhould rather have thought they’d adorn the Play-houſe.

Mrs. Fid.

Now out upon you, Mr. Clerimont, my Daughters are never ſeen at the Play-houſe; I bring them up in the fear of Heaven.

Jack.

Yes, and they are both Married in the fear of Heaven too: For neither of them troubled the Church in that Affair, as I have been told.

Mrs. Fidget.

Well, Saucy-face. But, Mr. Clerimont, what I have ſaid is all for your good, and I hope you do take it into your Conſideration: For truly to day there came a very pretty Lady, and notwithſtanding your Order, I ſent up the Coachman: I am willing to bring you to Preferment.

Clerimont. 11 C2r 11

Cler.

Bring me to the Pox, and to the Devil――

Mrs. Fidget

Marry gap, is this my Thanks!

Cler.

I tell ye, I am tir’d of theſe morning Lectures, and if my Lodgings cannot be free from noiſe and impertinence, I muſt quit them. Follow me, Jack, I’ll take the air.

Exeunt.

Mrs. Fidget.

So out of ſorts, and gone without giving me my Mornings- Draught: Why, Maſter John, Maſter John, give me the Key of the Cloſſet, I muſt rummage it for a Dram of the Bottle: Udsfleſh I ſhan’t be in humour again this half hour, the Man’s a fool, I think. When Beauty courts the charming Pleaſures ſhun,Be vertuous, tho’ he’s ſure to be undone;He’s mad, Udsfleſh! I’d ſooner turn a Nun.Exit.

Scene draws and diſcovers Mrs. Rich, Mrs. Trickwell, and Lady la Baſſet, Riſing from Play.

Mrs. Trickwell

to Mrs. Rich.

I proteſt your Ladyſhip plays to a miracle; but I wou’d not have had you ventur’d Money yet.

Mrs. Rich.

Oh pardon me, Madam, I ſhould not have minded it elſe. But do you think I ſhall ever be capable?

La Baſſet.

Why, you are perfect already; a wonderful apprehenſion.

Mrs. Rich.

Oh, fie! My Lady la Baſſet, you compliment in reality; may I hope to play at Court? I have a great ambition to play at Court: Oh my Stars! I ſhou’d torment our City Ladies to death, to talk of Honours done me at Court.

La Baſſet.

Yes, yes, you ſhall be introduc’d, and honour’d at Court, I’ll promiſe ye, or my Intereſt fails me; and for ſetting it out let me alone, I’ll make their Ears tingle, I faith.

Mrs. Rich.

Oh, my dear, dear, Lady Baſſet, let me imbrace ye, the very conception on’t is felicity to the highteſt degree. Mon Dieu! How we’ll teaze the little Citty Creatures.

Enter Mrs. Betty.

Madam, Sir John Roverhead is come to wait on you, and has got ſome Muſick to entertain your Ladyſhips.

Exit Betty.

Mrs. Rich.

Oh Heavens! That Maſter of Accomplishments! Inſtruct me, dear Ladies, how to receive him.

Lady Baſſet.

Seem in a Cabal, then burſt out a laughing, and let fall ſome miſterious Words that tend towards Scandal.

Mrs. Rich.

Good! ridiculous to the higheſt degree, that ever a Woman of her Quality ſhou’d make ſuch a faux pas, the Town will ring on’t: Oh, my Stars! ’Tis ſomething ſo odd, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Mrs. Trickwell.

Tranſportingly fooliſh! Yet it makes me laugh, ha, ha, ha, ha.

La Baſſet.

Who can forbear, ha, ha, ha.

Enter Sir John.

Pardon, Ladies, the interruption; may I participate; I dye to laugh in conſort with Women of your Wit and Merit.

Mrs. Rich.

Oh fie! Sir John, ’tis a ſecret upon my word; we muſt be tender of our own Sex; you are but too well acquainted with our weakneſs; Scandal of an hour old is as much out of date with you, as a Gazette in the Afternoon to the Sots that hunt forreign News.

Sir John.

News! gad Madam, there’s no ſuch thing, there’s nothing new underC2der12C2v12 der the Sun; the World is a continual round of nauſeous repetition; in the laſt Generation, and this, young Girls were mad for Husbands, then mad to get rid of ’em; Sharpers, had their Cullies; Gameſters, their Fools; Phyſicians kill’d their Patients, and were paid for’t; Lawyers got Eſtates, and their Clients were undone with Suing for ’em; Courtiers Promiſes, and Bullies Oaths, ever made a great Noiſe, and ſignify’d nothing.

Mrs. Rich.

Satyrical, I vow! Why, you are in a mortifying way, Sir John.

Sir John.

Indeed ſcarce fit to appear before your Ladyſhip: I have had a Billet-doux from a Woman of Sixty, which has given me the Spleen to that degree, I could out-rail a Hypocritical Fanatick.

Mrs. Rich.

Sixty! Pleaſant, I proteſt.

Sir John.

She’s a walking Memento mori; I have ſuffer’d ſome time under the perſecution, and in bitterneſs and Gall, inſtead of Ink, have wrote a Stanza, to ſhew how awkwardly an old Woman makes advances.

Mrs. Rich.

Oh, dear Sir John, let us have it.

La Baſſet.

We are all Petitioners.

Sir John.

You ſhall Command me, Ladies.

Song by Sir John.

Delia tir’d Strephon with her Flame,

While languiſhing ſhe view’d him,

The well dreſs’d Youth deſpis’d the Dame

But ſtill old Puſs purſu’d him.

Some pitty on a Wretch beſtow

That lies at your Devotion:

Perhaps some Fifty Years ago,

Some might have lik’d the Motion.

No Heart like mine did ever burn,

I’m rich too, I’le aſſure you:

And I muſt tell you in return,

You’re uglier than a Fury.

If you, proud Youth, my Flame deſpiſe,

I’le hang me in my Garters:

Why then make haſt to win the Prize,

Among Love’s fooliſh Martyrs.

Can you ſee Delia brought ſo low,

And make her no Requitals?

Delia may to the Devil go

For Strephon, ſtop my Vitals.

I’le be as Conſtant as a Dove,

And always we’l be Billing:

No more damn’d Stories of your Love,

Your very Breath is killing.

Theſe Eyes for you ſhall learn to ſhine,

That twinkle in their Sockets.

I’le never in a Cellar dine,

When I may go to Lockets.

What in my Charms and Youth I want,

I’le make it up in Duty.

Prithee leave off this fooliſh Cant,

I’le ſtoop to nought but Beauty.

After the Song Mrs. Trickwell to Mrs. Rich, aſide.

Mrs. Trickwell.

Did you obſerve how my Lady la Baſſett Ey’d Sir John?

Mrs. Rich.

Yes, and am pleas’d with it: I would not have a Fellow pretend to me, that all the Fine Women in Town are not fond of. Our Thanks in abundance, ’tis wonderful pretty.

To Sir John.

Sir John.

Your Pardon, harſh, and untunable, like the Subject.

Enter Mrs. Betty. Betty ſpeaking to Mrs. Rich aſide.

Mr. Rich will not be anſwer’d, Madam, I had much ado to keep him out

Mrs. Rich 13 C3r 13

Mrs. Rich.

Ladies, let me beg you would take Sir John into the DrawingRoom, and entertain him a moment. A hideous Citizen will teaſe me about a little Buſineſs, but I’ll diſpatch him in the third part of a Minute, and rejoyn the Agreeable Converſation.

Sir John.

We ſhall wait with Impatience, Madam.

Exeunt ſeverally. Enter Mr. Rich, meeting Mrs. Rich and Betty.

Betty.

There he walks, Madam, he would ſtay in ſpight of me.

Mrs. Rich.

Ah, Mr. Rich! What deſign brings you hither? Your Abſence this Day would have been very obliging; but ſince you are here, let’s finiſh pray as ſoon as you can. Well, what’s the Buſineſs?

Mr. Rich.

Hey-day! What’s this? Good Madam Rich, my Siſter-in-Law, how deſpiſingly you talk? Hark ye, hark ye, this Behaviour does not become ye; and without telling you what relates to me, you’ll one Day repent of your ridiculous way of living, and carriage.

Mrs. Rich.

An Elbow-Chair, Betty, I foreſee Mr. Rich intends to Talk me to Sleep.

Mr. Rich.

No, Madam, on the contrary; for were you in your right Senſes, what I have to ſay would moſt terribly keep you Awake.

Mrs. Rich.

You ſtrangely concern your ſelf with my Conduct.

Mr. Rich.

And who will concern himſelf, if I don’t? You are my Daughters Aunt, Widow of Paul Rich my Brother, and I will not have it ſaid upon the Exchange, That my Brother’s Widow, and Daughters Aunt, is run ſtark Mad.

Mrs. Rich.

How Mad! You loſe all Reſpect, Mr. Rich; but I ſhall find a way to get rid of you, that I may hear no more ſuch Sottiſh Unmannerly Language, to which I ſcorn to anſwer.

Mr. Rich.

Oh! ’Slife, Madam Rich, you ought to get rid of all your Ridiculous Airs of Quality and Greatneſs, that you may receive no more Affronts equal to this Days.

Mrs. Rich.

You ought not, Mr. Rich, to reproach me of that, where I am only expos’d, becauſe I’m thought your Siſter-in-Law; but there’s an end of that, Mr. Rich, I’ll have it publiſh’d in the Gazette, That ſince my Widowhood, I am no more your Siſter, and ſo I renounce you for my Brother-in-Law, Mr. Rich; and ſince hitherto my Expences, my Noble manner of living, and what I every Day practice, could never correct the fault of having once been a Citizen’s Wife. I do now pretend――

Mr. Rich.

Zooks, Madam Rich, ’tis the beſt part of your Hiſtory, that Name of Rich; and had it not been for the good Conduct of the poor Deceas’d, you had not been in a Condition for ſo much Pomp and Greatneſs. I wou’d fain know――

Mrs. Rich.

Courage, Courage, Mr. Rich, you do well, talk on, talk on, ’tis your laſt time.

Mr. Rich.

I wou’d fain know, let me tell you, if it would not be more decent for you to have a good grave Coach, lin’d with an Olive-colour’d Cloth, a Lean Coachman in a Dark-brown Coat, a little Modeſt Boy with ſhort Hair to open the Door, and a pair of gentle Geldings, than all this ſumptuous Equipage, that makes People inquire who you are; theſe modiſh prancing Flanders, that daſh the Induſtrious People that walk; and all that uſeleſs Numerous Train, which makes14C3v14 makes you deſpis’d by the People of Quality, envied by your Equals, and curs’d by the Mob: You ought, Mrs. Rich, to retrench all this Greatneſs and Folly with which you are ſurrounded.

Betty.

But, Sir――What’s the matter with you, Madam?

To Mrs. Rich., who Coughs and Spits.

Mrs. Rich.

I take Breath, Betty, Is not Mr. Rich come to his ſecond Point?

Mr. Rich.

No, good Mrs. Rich, and I return ſtill to the Equipage.

Mrs. Rich.

Oh, the long-winded tireſome Man!

Mr. Rich.

Among the reſt, what d’ye do with that huge Bulky Coachman, with his Curling Whiskers like a Dutch Maſtiff’s Tail? ’Zbud he looks as if he belong’d to the Czar of Muſcovy.

Betty.

But, Sir, wou’d you have my Lady turn Barber, and ſhave her Coachman?

Mr. Rich.

No, but ſhe may turn him away, and take another.

Mrs. Rich.

Well, Sir, one Word’s as good as a thouſand, I pretend to live as I pleaſe, and will have none of your Council; I laugh at you and all your Reproofs; I am a widow, and depend on no Body but my ſelf. You come here and controul me, as if you had an abſolute Authority over me. Oh, my Stars! What rudeneſs are you guilty of? But it is your City breeding.

Mr. Rich.

Still abuſing the City, ’tis a ſhame, Mrs. Rich, a burning ſhame. I tell thee, thou proud vain thing, thou gilt Ginger-Bread; the City is famous for Men ſubſtantial in their Perſons, their Purſes, their Credits, when your Limberham’d, this end of the Town Beaux, are the half product of Nature, wretchedly piec’d up by Art, weak in their Bodies, their Brains, their every thing; and Udsbones! They have no more Credit, than they have Religion; whilſt as I ſaid before the City is famous for――

Mrs. Rich.

Cuckolds: Good Mr. Rich take my Advice, and take breath; you have outdone one of our Holders-forth, upon my word ye have.

Mr. Rich.

Mimiking her.

Upon my word ye have; What an Affected Tone’s there? Gadzooks my Brother Rich was a Fool.

Mrs. Rich.

That’s no wonder; moſt Citizens are.

Mr. Rich.

Yes, to their Wives, ungrateful Cockatrice; and he Blind―― Credulous Man, to pretend to leave my Daughter a Fortune to your Management, forſooth: Gadzooks, I had rather he had left her never a Groat.

Mrs. Rich.

So had I; there we agree once, put it down, Betty, for a Miracle. Oh! Is it done? Have ye ſaid all? Will you go out of my Houſe, or muſt I go? Upon my word I have Company waits for me, that are a thouſand and a thouſand times more ingaging; Will ye believe me, or no, Mr. Rich?

Mr. Rich.

What Company? Fools, I warrant ’em.

Mrs. Rich.

He muſt be convinc’d: Perhaps, Betty, that will drive him hence, open the Door.

Scene draws and diſcovers Sir John, Lady Baſſett, Mrs. Trickwell, and Vermin a Footman.

Mrs. Rich

continues.

Oh! I am juſt ſuffocated with Impertinence, expiring under the heavy load of Nonſenſe: Dear Lady Baſſet revenge me, redicule that lump of the City till he Frets himſelf into ſhape; I’ll introduce ye: Look ye, Sir, this is the15C4r15 the Honourable Lady Baſſet, this is the Ingenious Mrs. Trickwell; the Gentleman I leave to ſpeak for himſelf.

Sir John.

I am, Sir.

Mr. Rich.

roughly.

And what are you, Sir?

Sir John.

Why, your humble Servant, Sir, that’s all, Sir.

Lady Baſſett.

I vow he nods like the Statue in Don John, ha, ha, he he.

Mrs. Trickwell.

And looks like――

Mrs. Rich.

A Citizen, and that’s rediculous enough of all Conſcience, he, he.

Mr. Rich.

Mimiking.

Good lack, he, he, he: Gadzooks you are a parcel of Tawdry Inſignificant Butterflies; if ye provoke me, I’ll draw your Pictures with a vengeance.

Sir John.

Dawley has done mine at length already, much more to my ſatisfaction; it hangs at Court in a Dutcheſſes Bed-chamber, Citt.

Mr. Rich.

The Devil it does? the Mop that cleans it ſet upright, and good Drapery, would be a better Figure.

Lady Baſſett.

Filthy Simile.

Mrs. Trickwell.

Why, m’Amie, this is the Reverſe of Sir Courtly; a ſecond Surly, I proteſt.

Mr. Rich.

Thou wretched Woman, whom I juſtly ſhame to call Siſter, theſe are things that live on thee, prey on thy very ſubſtance, and have no more Worth, or real Quality than the Ornament of Pageants: Look, here’s the Equipage of one, thoſe Lank Cheeks are to be fill’d out at thy Table; pulls Vermin forward and thy Pocket Rook’d at Games thou doſt not underſtand, for Rigging.

Lady Baſſett.

Now out upon ye; ſtand back Vermin; ſee if the ill-natur’d Man has not quite daſh’d the Boy? ’Tis the filthy Taylor’s fault.

Mr. Rich.

What, he’ll Truſt no longer.

Sir John.

Fie, Mr. Rich, this is prodigiouſly abuſive, upon my Honour; I preſume you’ve never been at the Court.

Mr. Rich.

Nor you at the Camp, which now’s the only way to make a perfect Courtier: I tell thee, Fop, if thou art known there, ’tis only for thy Folly; thy Reputation lies in ruining others, which thou doſt infallibly, by being once in their Company; and thy chiefeſt accompliſhment is taking Snuff with a Bel Air, Patching, Painting, Powdering like a Woman, and ſqueaking like an Eunuch, Gadzooks.

Sir John.

Sir.

Mr. Rich.

Look ye, if you are offended, or think the Ladies ſo, as much a Citizen as I am, I wear a Sword, and follow me ye Caper-cutter if ye dare.

Sir John.

Some Colonel of the Train-bands, I warrant; I’ll not diſorder my Dreſs. I am weary of this fulſome ſtuff; to the Park my Angels, and let’s breath a little.

All.

Ay, ay, to the Park, to the Park.

Mrs. Rich.

Withal my heart to the Park: Lacquies, is my Coach there? But my Houſe is at your Service: Cool your ſelf ſweet Sir John, whilſt we laugh at this Adventure; ſhall we not Lady Baſſett??

L. Baſſett.

I cannot help it.

Sir John.

Nor I upon my Honour.

Exeunt. Laughing. Manent Mr.Rich. and Betty. Mr. 16 C4v 16

Mr. Rich.

Why what the Devil’s to do here, Betty?

Betty.

My Miſtreſs is run ſtark ſtaring Mad, but I humour her Diſtraction till we can find a way to cure it.

Mr. Rich.

Prithee let’s in and conſult; I plac’d thee here for that purpoſe, and truſt in thee.

Betty.

I will ever prove faithful, Sir.

Mr. Rich.

Two powerful Fiends, Luſt and Ambition reign

In this Rich, Buxom Widows ſickly Brain;

To lay them both, a Husband muſt be had,

Beauxiſh and Young, with ſounding Titles clad;

But that ſhall be your Care and mine, ’ygad.

Act III.

Enter Mrs. Clerimont and Belvoir.

Mrs. Clerim.

This is ſtrange News you tell me of my Couſin; I heard indeed the Unhappy Accident of his Father’s Sudden Death, but thought he had been ſtill in the Country.

Belvoir.

No, he lives in Town retired, ſhuns all his Acquaintance; his Noble Mind ſurmounts his Fortunes, and he diſdains to be obliged; it affects me ſtrongly, for I loved him with ſuch a Paſſion; loved him, that I thought till I beheld your Beauteous ſelf, it could never have been exceeded.

Mrs. Clerimont.

When I reflect how cold our preſent Friendſhips are, I needs muſt own ’tis nobly Generous in you to ſeek and ſerve him in this Diſtreſs; nor ſhall my Aſſiſtance any way be wanting, let us but find the means.

Belvoir.

Firſt we muſt indeavour to ſee him, reconcile him to the World, and try to cure his Melancholy.

Enter Lucinda.

Lucinda.

Madam, there’s a Gentleman below who ſays his Name is Clerimont.

Belvoir.

Clerimont!

Lucinda.

He ſeems of ſome far Country by his Dreſs and Attendance.

Mrs. Clerimont.

On my Life the Elder Brother: This may prove lucky, bring him up: Come, Sir, we will have ſome contrivance how to make the Younger eaſie.

Belvoir.

Such Goodneſs and Ingenuity as yours cannot fail, when ’tis employ’d for Merit.

Enter the Elder Clerimont and Lucetta, followed by Toby leading two Hounds coupled.

Cler.

Speaks entring.

Nay, Sweet-heart, dant fear your Rooms, my Dogs have been in Ladies Chambers afore now, my Lady Mother wou’d let ’em lie on her Bed rather than croſs me: Love me, love my Dog, as the Saying is. Come along Toby.

Mrs. Cler. 17 D1r 17

Mrs. Cler.

What a Scene is here!

Belvoie.

Exactly as Jack deſcrib’d him.

Elder Mr. Clerimont.

Servant Couz: Do yee ſee I am come to Lounnon: he ’tis no matter for Ceremony; I ha juſt now been buſſing Jewel, might-hap you dant care to be kiſs’d after the Dog.

Mrs. Cler.

You are in the right on’t, ’tis not material.

Elder Cler.

I have a free way, Couz, you muſt excuſe me.

Mr.s. Cler.

Oh, you are very welcome.

Elder Cler.

No for matter o’that I ſhant trouble you, I ſhall lie in my Inn. Here’s Toby, my Huntſman, he’d a main mind to ſee Lounnon, ſo I did it to pleaſe the Booby; ha Toby.

Toby.

Ne, ne Maſter, dant; lay it awl upon me; an any bad chance ſhou’d happen, you were as forward as I, elſe we’d ne’r a come; you are a little too ſtubborn, by the Meſs.

Belvoir.

Well ſaid Toby; Toby has a free way too, I perceive, Sir.

Elder Cler.

Yes marry I allow it him: He is a rare Huntſman. Shew thy parts Toby, hallow, hallow, Toby.

Toby.

Holla, holla, holla, &c.

Mrs. Cler.

Oh! ’tis mighty well. But, good Couſin, it goes quite thro’ my head.

Elder Cler.

Might hap ſo, you are uſed not to it. Ha boys! He’ll make the Woods ring y-faith.

Belvoir.

’Tis much better there, I believe.

Elder Cler.

Good Lord! it offends your tender Ears, does it? I warrant you are one of the Zilken Sparks a rough Wind wou’d blow to pieces. Pardon me Couz, I muſt be merry.

Mrs. Cler.

O! the Gentleman will take nothing ill from a Relation of mine.

Elder Cler.

Midhap he is your Husband, or midhap he is your Sweet-heart, for he creeps main cloſe to yee.

Belvoir.

I am the humbleſt of the Lady’s Servants.

Elder Cler.

Oh ho! her humble Servant, that’s all one; in our Country they call ’um Sweet-hearts, or Suitors; ’tis e’n all one.

Mrs. Cler.

Pray Couſin, give me leave to ask you if you are married yet, or not.

Elder Cler.

No, by my tackings, I ha e’n more Wit than that comes to; I learn’d ſo much by my Dogs.

Mrs. Cler.

By your Dogs?

Elder Cler.

Aye, by my Dogs. See this Couple now how they lear, how ſpitefully they look at one another. I tell thee Couz, this is Jewel, and this is Beauty; the bitch is Beauty, do yee mark me, Couz; there was not two Dogs in the whole Pack lov’d like theſe two, they play’d together like two Kittens: nay, for all they are Hounds, one wou’d not eat without t’other, and now they are join’d their hate is the ſame; one ſnarls, t’other bites, one pulls this way, t’other that; Gadzooks! they’d either venture hanging to be parted; therefore no coupling for me, I ſay, ha, ha, ha, ha, Couz.

Mrs. Cler.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Toby.

Nay, by the Meſs this is true, Maſter has ſpoken all at once; Maſter’s a ſhrowd man, ſoth and troth.

D Elder. 18 D1v

Elder. Cler.

Well, but Couz, I come to Lounon a purpoſe to ſee Sports we han’t i’ th’ country, and to ſpend my money, de yee ſee.

Mrs. Cler.

What Diverſions are you for?

Elder Cler.

Why look yee, I’de vain ſee a good Bear-baiting, and I’de ſee the Tigre, Ah! that’s a parlous Beaſt; we will ſee the Tigre, ſhan’t we Toby?

Toby.

Aye Udſlid, tho’ I ſhall be a little avraid.

Belvoir.

You wou’d not have the Lady carry you to thoſe Places, I hope?

Elder Cler.

Aye, why not, Sir? They’l ſee I’me a Country Man, and that wan’t diſgrace her, beſides I have Four thouſand pounds a Year, for all I wear my own hair, Monſieur Perriwig.

Belvoir.

The more’s the pitty.

Mrs. Cler.

Peace, Mr. Belvoir, we ſhall loſe our deſign elſe. Couſin, ’tis impoſſible for me to go to the Bear-garden; if you’l oblige me, you ſhall ſpend this day with me, and participate of the pleaſures I take, to morrow ſome fitter Companion ſhall ſhew you what you like better.

Elder Cler.

A match! I dan’t paſs upon’t, if I do throw away a day with you.

Mrs. Cler.

We’l firſt to the Park; and then in the Afternoon to the Play.

Toby.

Ay, d’ye, Maſter, do ye; Udſlid, I ha long’d to zee a Play, e’er ſince I zaw the Poppet-ſhew at our Vare.

Elder Cler.

Come, my poor Dogs! Evads, Coz, you’l ſcarce think it, Ide as lieve kiſs this poor Creature, as e’er a Lady in Chriſtendom――I’m ſure her Breath’s as ſweet; they’l not like London; we muſt haſten down again, Toby.

Toby.

Ay, Maſter, when we’ve zeen a little; here’s rare vine Voke!

Mrs. Cler.

Lead, Mr. Belvoir.

Belvoir.

We ſhall be the Sport of the Park.

Mrs. Cler.

No matter; my Couſin ſhall Gallant me.

Elder Cler.

Come on, i’faith! Follow, Toby!

Scene the Park.

Enter Lady Landſworth and Mrs. Betty.

L. Landſ.

He refus’d it, my beſt Confidante! Nobly deſpis’d the ſhining Gold! By all my amorous Stars, he has bravely won my Heart! Panting and warm I feel him there! Oh! the dear God of my deſire.

Betty.

In Raptures, nay, then you are loſt indeed! Ha! here comes my Lady, and her worthy Train!

Enter Mrs. Rich., Sir John, &c.

Mrs. Rich.

My Lady Landſworth! Let us only make our Honours en paſſent―― Mon Dieu! I did not think’t had been in her――I proteſt to a Miracle!

Mrs. Rich Courtſey’s to L.Lady Landſworth, with ridiculous Airs. L.Lady Landſworth mimicks her.

Sir John.

Shall we not Addreſs?

Mrs. Rich.

No, no, no, no. Away to the Mall.

Sir John.

Ah me!

Looking amorouſly on L.Lady Landſworth.

L. Landſ.

There’s a Foil to my Hero! What a languiſhing Air the Fop put on! When ſuch Stuff as that enters into my Thoughts, I ſhall turn Girl again, and play with Babies.

Mrs. Bett.

See! Who walks there in Mourning!

L. Landſ.

Bleſs me! You made me ſtart: ’Tis he! Yes; that’s the ſhape, where manly Majeſty’s Triumphant! Who wou’d not be in love with Sorrow, when they ſee it in that Face: Who wou’d not long to remove the Cauſe, and dreſs it19D2r19 it up in charming Smiles: Forgive me, Virtue! Forgive, me Love, if I a little farther make the Trial――Now to diſguiſe my Face and Heart――

Claps on her Mask, and walks careleſsly off. Enter Clerimont and Jack.

Jack.

Do ye think ye ſhall know her, Sir?

Cler.

Know her! ’Tis impoſſible to miſtake! Gay, as the gaudy Sun, or diſtant flowry Fields! She moves like Air, and throws her Charms around: But, be not caught my Soul! She is, what I wou’d ſtill abhor――a Name, wou’d blacken her Lilly’d Boſom, and wither all the Roſes that ſpread that face of Beauty!

Jack.

But, Sir! If ſhe has a World of Money, Sir,――

Cler.

Peace, Fool!

Jack.

I ha’ done, Sir! But abundance of Money covers a multitude of Faults―― That’s all, Sir!

Cler.

Blockhead!――Why ſo faſt, fair Lady? At this rate, by that time a Man has over-taken ye, he’l have loſt the Breath he ſhou’d imploy, in ſaying fine things――Will ye not ſtay?

L. Landſ.

Not ſtay! Yes, ſtay an Age; fixt never to remove: An everlaſting Monument of Love. I know you doat upon Heroique: I have been Reading three whining Plays this morning, that I may Love in your ſtrain.

Cler.

For Heaven’s ſake, tell me truly, what thou art; for, ſure, there’s ſomething in thee I ſo love and hate, that, were my Fortune kind, I ſhall ne’er be happy more.

L. Landſ.

I’l tell ye, with a truth equal to the freedom I uſe; (for ſincerity is all the Virtue I pretend to.) It was my firſt fate to be kept by an Alderman, but he was formal, ſtiff, and too ſuſpicious for my humour; ſo I fled from him into the Arms of a brisk, airy, young Collonel; then the Days were ſpent in Revels. When he went to Flanders, I Campaign’d it too; but ah! as I had dreſs’d my fluttering Hero up, like any Bridegroom, a ſaucy Bullet came and ſpoil’d the work of Tailers, Milleners, and fifty Trades beſides: Down dropt the Beau.

Cler.

You ſpeak this without any Concern.

L. Landſ.

Alaſs! grieving for the Dead wou’d ſpoil us for the Living. Now, I am a Perqiſite of a Country Gentleman; a Man of Gravity, and one of the pious Senators; a great Stickler againſt Wenching and Prophaneneſs. He allows me Wealth enough, and Liberty enough. Beſides him, I have two or three Interlopers, each fancying himſelf my Particular, when, for my part, I care not a ſtraw for any of ’em. But, ah! amongſt my numerous Lovers, I know not how, Myrtillo has crept near my Heart;――That’s meaning you, Sir.

Cler.

The Relation freezes up my Youthful Blood, and checks Deſire with horror! Does none tell thee what a Wretch thou art?

L. Landſ.

None. They call me Goddeſs, Angel, and court me with unbated Fires; the firſt, the very earlieſt Product of the Year, Dainties fit for Queen’s Tables, ſtill load the board; far-fetch’d Wines, ſuch as unbend the Soul from Cares, and lock up every Thought that wou’d diſturb us;――yet amidſt this flowing plenty; amidſt this Crowd of Flatterers, my aukward Fancy ſickens at their offer’d Loves; loaths their ſoft Indearments, and builds its ſole happineſs in manly roughneſs like Yours.

Cler.

Thou art one of Nature’s Favourites; form’d when ſhe was gay, and deckt in her own Smiles; yet me you cannot charm; there’s a Ruſtick, out of D2faſhion20D2v20 faſhion-grace, a modeſt Innocence, which only takes my Soul; nor can I value Favors, that may be bought with any other Price than Love.

L. Landſ.

Aſide

He ſpeaks, as my own Heart had Coin’d the Words: I wou’d not be too Credulous: Believe me, Sir, I am not us’d to Woo, or be Refus’d; but, I perceive when once we Love, we quit our Pride; I can bear Reproof from you; and rather than not ſee ye; ſee you ſtill to chide me.

Cler.

No. I muſt fly, if I’de be ſafe; I cannot boaſt a Virtue Stoiceal enough, to behold you with Indifference; thoſe Eyes were made to Conquer! Oh pity, that they ſcatter Contagion only! I could crawl low as the Earth to touch that beauteous hand; but when I reflect, a ſenſleſs Fop, for ſome vain Preſent, may riffle all thoſe Sweets; then, I cou’d eat my Lips, e’er join ’em to Infection――Farewel.

L. Landſ.

Stay but ſome Moments longer; I have a few things more to offer; hear ’em; perhaps I ne’er may trouble you agen.

Cler.

I ſhall be Fool’d at laſt; believe her Love, truſt her, and be undone!―― What wou’d ye ſay?

L. Landſ.

Come this way, leſt we are obſerv’d.

They walk backward. Jack and Betty come forward.

Jack.

Is thy Lady ſo plaguey Rich, ſay’ſt thou Damſel?

Betty.

Rich! Why ſhe values a Hundred Pounds, no more than I do a Braſs Farthing――She makes nothing to preſent a Man ſhe likes, with a Coach and Six――and your Maſter here, with his puling Modeſty, will ſtand preaching Morals, till he has baulk’d her Fancy, and then ’twill be in vain to cry peccavi; for ſhe, like Opportunity, when once ſhe turns her back, leaves no graſping hold.

Jack.

Hark ye, my Dear, can ye keep a Secret.

Betty.

As well as any of my Sex; according as the Nature of the Secret is; if ’twill make no miſchief; take away no Body’s Fame: In ſhort, if ’twill do rather Good than Harm to divulge it; ten to one but it goes no farther for me.

Jack.

Well, that’s ingenious; and I’l truſt thee. This Maſter of Mine is the verieſt Libertine the whole Town affords; has tir’d Vice in every one of her ſhapes; and now, forſooth, for variety, turns Hypocrite, that he may find their pleaſures out.

Betty.

Ha! is’t poſſible?

Jack.

True, upon my honour; tho’ he’d kill me ſhou’d he know I diſcover’d it; and deny all, with a Face as grave as a Phanatick――Oh! He’s a rare Mimick.

Betty.

But, how ſhall my Lady be convinc’d he is ſuch a Rake, if he’l deny it?

Jack.

Our Landlady ſells China, bring her thither; my Maſter will never know: She’l tell you as much――Aſide. I can make my Landlady ſay what I will.――Well Jack――thy Brain ſhall ſtill ſecure this Cargo.

Betty.

If ſhe thinks it worth her while to inquire, I’l tell her――Look they are Parting.

Jack.

Udſo, ſo they are indeed――I muſt after; ply him, my Dear, and I’l ply thee.

Exeunt Clerimont and Jack.

L. Landſ.

Oh my dear Betty! how ſhall I expreſs my Joys! Sure, ſuch a Man no Age produced before! He’s the Phænix of his Kind!

Betty.

I wiſh he prove ſo.

L. Landſ.

Why?

Betty.

Huſh! Here comes Mrs. Clerimont, you have ſo often ſent to.

L. Landſ. 21 D3r 21

L. Landſ.

Ha! dear Betty, tell her who I am.――Now for an Air of Gravity, and quite another humour, than what I have ſhown to her Name-ſake, leſt they ſhou’d find me out by deſcription.

Enter Elder Clerimont, Belvoir, and Mrs. Clerimont.

Mrs. Cler.

――is it? Couſin, your moſt Humble Betty whiſpers Mrs. Clerimont. Servant――I ask your pardon a thouſand times, for my neglect to wait on you. I have deſign’d it every Day; but――

L. Land.

No Excuſe, good Madam; Ladies in this Town have too much Bus’neſs on their hands, to throw an hour upon a thing ſo inſignificant, as a Country Relation; one ſo remote too, that only claims that Honour by Marriage.

Mrs. Cler.

Nay Madam――

L. Land.

Beſides, had you given your ſelf the trouble, ’twou’d have been but one, I am ſure; for my Converſation is only praiſes of the Country; raving at every diverſion here, becauſe I underſtand it not; my diſcourſe leaping perpetually into Yorkſhire, and talking for ever of my Turkies, my Dairy, and ſo forth.

Betty.

aſide

Hey! What Maggot’s this?――then am I the moſt deceiv’d in the appearance of a Woman, that ever I was in my Life.

Eld. Cler.

A Shroud Gentlewoman this! I like her mainly; pray Mrs. what made you come to London then?

L. Land.

Truly, Sir, ’twas bus’neſs, Monies left in Banker’s hands, by my Dear Husband Deceas’d――Oh!

Eld. Cler.

Good Soul! ſhe Weeps! ſo Young, and Weep for a Dead Husband? Good Soul!

Mrs. Cler.

Melancholy Suits ill with ſuch Charming Youth: Couſin, you have been Unfortunately by your Affairs driven into a Houſe, the Rendezvous of Fops, and ſenſeleſs Cocquets, who have entertain’d you with pleaſures ſo inſipid, they have given you a diſguſt to thoſe more refin’d, that will reconcile you to the Pretty Epitome of our Eungliſh World the Town.

Eld. Cler.

Marry gap! dan’t ſpoil the Gentlewoman, Coz, Mahaps ſhe likes the Country beſt, why ſo do I; no offence, I hope Coz.

Bell.

We muſt not ſuffer ſo fair an Enemy. The Play-houſe, Hide-Park, every thing ſhall contribute to force a kinder Opinion from you.

L. Landſ.

I have ſeen it all, and deſpiſe it: At the Theatre, am tir’d with the double Acted Farce on the Stage, and in the ſide Boxes; the Noiſy Nonſenſe of the Pit; the Impudence of the Orange Women renders the whole Entertainment to me, a diſagreeable Medley: Then, for Hide-Park, that’s Madneſs in perfection; and the poor Lunatick that runs an eternal Circle in his Bedlam Apartment, has, in my Judgement, equal Pleaſure.

Mrs. Cler.

Oh fy, my Lady Landſworth, this cannot be your real thoughts.

L. Landſ.

To a Tittle, I aſſure ye.

Eld. Cler.

I’fackings, the young Woman ſpeaks rarely: why Toby, ſhe has run down the Lonnoners――Toby! a Lard! where is Toby and the Two Dogs? So ho, ſo ho!

Mrs. Cler.

Peace, good Couſin; I believe they are at the Park-Gate.

Eld. Cler.

O my Man? my Dogs? where are they? I ſhall run Mad! So ho, Toby!

L. Landſ.

Mrs. Betty, let’s ſteal off; I think I have diſſembl’d enough for one Day.

Betty.

And I hear you have been met with too――I follow Madam.

Exeunt L. Landſworth and Bety. Elder Cler. 22 D3v 22

Elder Cler.

Why Toby! I ſay Toby! Speak to thy nown Maſter, Toby!

Bell.

Come, Sir; we ſhall find ’em out.

Elder Cler.

Ah never, I fear: Toby, Toby!

Enter Toby, with his Head broke.

Toby.

What ails ye to Baul ſo? D’ye zee how I have been ſerv’d! I went to come in with my Hounds, and an ugly Fellow in Red knockt me down, and took the poor Curs from me.

Eld. Cler.

Ay ye Coward! where was the Quarter-staff?

Toby.

Why, he had a Sword; zee how my Head’s broke.

Eld. Cler.

I had rather thy Neck were broke than my Dogs loſt.

Toby.

Zome wiſer than ſome: Zo had not I――goa out yonder, and ha’um agen for a Teſter.

Eld. Cler.

Go then! Farewal, Cos, you ne’er bring me hither again. I’ſe warrant.

Exeunt Eld. Cler. and Toby.

Mrs. Cler.

Let’s after, we muſt not part thus; and as we go, I’ll tell you my Opinion of my Lady Landſworth.

Betty.

I confeſs ſhe is paſt my apprehenſion.

Exeunt. Enter Sir John Roverhead and Chriſ.

Sir John.

With much ado, I have broke from the Widow; I appointed to meet here the prettieſt Roſe-bud; if her Fortune equals the Widow, ſhe ſecures me.

Chriſ.

Ah Sir! I wiſh the common Fortune-Hunter’s Fate be not yours, to take the worſt at laſt.

Sir John.

Fool! that Genius that raiſed me to this, will, no doubt, preſerve me conſpicuous: the Ornament of the Town, and Idol of the Ladies. You muſt know Dunce, I love the Young Creature, I am to meet now; and I’de Marry the Widow.

Chriſ.

Why then I ſhou’d think you lik’d her.

Sir John.

Incorrigible Sot! I hate her as the Devil――but has ſhe not Five Thouſand a Year? let that, for ever, ſtop thy Mouth.

Chriſ.

Then ’tis the Five Thouſand a Year you’d Marry――I ha’ done, Sir, I ha’ done.

Sir John.

She comes; remember I am the Lord――the Title will ſtrike an awe into her, and make her refuſe me Nothing.

Enter Lucinda, and Governeſs.

Luc.

But d’ye think he’l come, Governeſs?

Gov.

I hope his Lordſhip will.

Luc.

His Lordſhip! that ſounds purdy: I vow my Aunt will Love me, when I am a great Lady――look――here he is Governeſs――Oh Gemini! ’tis a dear Man.

Sir John.

My little Angel! this was kind! the place appear’d Gloomy as Shades beneath, till your bright Eyes, exceeding the Stars, created a double Day.

Luc.

O la! What fine Words he has! Sir――My Lord I mean――I am a fooliſh Girl, and know not how to anſwer, but I am Young, and not unapt to learn.

Gov.

Nay, I’ll ſay that for Miſs――ſhe was ever as forward as the beſt of ’em.

Sir John.

Pretty Innocence! She ſhall not want Inſtructions Modell’d by me, the World will own her perfect.

Gov.

And truly, my Lord, ſhe has enough to pay her Teacher.

Sir John.

Hold, hold! Name not Wealth; ’tis a Droſs I deſpiſe.

Luc. Fie, 23 D4r 23

Luc.

Fie, Governeſs! Do you think his Lordſhip Values Money?

Sir John.

Not I, upon my Honor. Aſide to Chriſ. Get it out of the Old One, what ſhe’s worth; leſt it prove not worth my while to follow her any longer.

Chriſ.

Yes, Sir, yes.

Luc.

Now, my Lord, the reaſon why I have a mind to be Married, is, becauſe I may have a little more freedom. I never go any where now, but that Old Woman’s at my heels; and I have heard ’em ſay, Wives go where they will and do what they will.

Sir John.

So ſha’t thou, my dear Miſs――Aſide. Marry, quotha; more Words than One to that Bargain.

Luc.

But when will you meet me here agen then, and Run away with me? For I was told, I ſhou’d be Run away with: They ſay, moſt Fortunes are.

Chriſ.

to Sir John.

Sir――Twenty Thouſand Pounds, when ſhe is at Age.

Sir John.

Aſide

Very well! Gad I’le Marry her; by that time, I ſhall have ſpent it; broke her Heart, and be ready for another――My dear Bloſſom, how happy I am to have gain’d your Affections! Tho’ ’tis no wonder; for the Univerſality of Women dye for me.

Luc.

For my part, you ſpoke to me, for that I like ye; elſe, truly Mr.―― (piſh, my Lord――) I ſee as fine things walk here, as you.

Sir John.

Oh fie!

Chriſ.

This is true Nature, a Baby indeed; ſhe has not yet learnt to Diſſemble.

Sir John.

Can ye get out in a Morning, my Dear?

Luc.

Yes, any time; I am left wholly to my Governeſs, and you won her heart, t’other Morning with ſome Sack; promiſe her ſome more, and ſhe’l bring me, I warrant.

Sir John.

There’s that will buy Sack: Will ye bring Miſs to Morrow, by Five-a-Clock?

Gov.

Yes, yes, ſhe ſhall wait on your Honour, no Body minds us at Home: But we’l ſerve e’m a Trick.

Chriſ.

Sir, Sir, Mrs. Rich, and the Company you left, are juſt coming into this Walk.

Sir John.

My Dear, Dear, farewel!――One of my Relations, that I dare not ſee――Farewel this Inſtant――keep theſe Verſes to remember me; and to Morrow――

Luc.

Oh Gemini! If I forget, I’l be hang’d――I ſhan’t ſleep all Night for thinking on’t. Good b’ye,―― Is he not a pure Man, Nurſe?

Exeunt Sir John and Chriſ.

Gov.

Ay, marry is he――they ſhan’t think to thruſt us up in a Garret; we’l ha’ Money, and good things, as well as your proud Aunt, and her Folks.

Luc.

Oh la; Mum! here’s my Aunt and all they upon our Backs; what ſhall we ſay now.

Enter Mrs. Rich, Lady La Baſſet, and Mrs. Trickwel.

Mrs. Rich.

This was furiouſly odd; to deſert us only with the Whim to ſhow us Airs in Bowing, when we meet.

Luc.

Oh la! [furiouſly] there’s a hard Word! I’ll learn my Aunt’s Words that I may appear agreeable to my Lord――furiouſly――remember, Governeſs!

Mrs. Rich. 24 D4v

Mrs. Rich.

Mrs. Trickwel, I am ſick of the Park; here’s neither the Beaux nor the Bellemond. Really when Sir John’s gone we ſearch in Vain for Gallantry or a good appearance.

La Baſſ.

I wonder how he durſt quit the place, when I was here.

Mr.s. Rich.

You!

Mrs. Trick.

Upon my Life, Madam, the Ladies are all Mad for this miracle of a Knight: I wiſh your Ladyſhip had him fix’d in the Matrimonial Nooſe, that the reſt may burſt with Envy.

Mrs. Rich.

Fear not Mrs. Trickwel, I have him with a double Chain; Love and Intereſt――ha! This Impertinent Girl here!

Lucind.

Pray don’t be angry, Aunt.

Mrs. Rich.

In the firſt place, leave off that word Aunt; and make uſe of Madam: Or, ſtay at home with your Father.

Lucin.

But Aunt, ſince you are my Aunt, Why may I not call you Aunt?

Mrs. Rich.

Why, I being a Woman of Quality, and you but a Citizen’s Daughter, I cannot, in decency, be your Aunt, without degrading my ſelf in ſome meaſure.

Luc.

Oh, good Aunt, let that not concern you, For I ſhall be a Woman of Quality too in a little time.

Mrs. Rich

What ſays the Girl?

Luc.

’Tis in my power to be as great a Lady as you, Aunt, at leaſt.

Mrs. Rich.

Child!

Lucin.

I am acquainted with a Lord; the handſomeſt, and moſt obliging in the World. I have met him ſeveral times in the Park; and he’l Marry me when I pleaſe――therefore never trouble your ſelf, Aunt, about my Quality.

Mrs. Rich.

And what’s this Lord’s Name?

Luc.

They call him my Lord Fourbind; he’s very Rich, and of great Quality, for he told me ſo.

Mrs. Rich.

Truly, Niece, I am very well pleas’d, that, notwithſtanding the mean Education your Father beſtow’d on you, you have thoughts worthy the honour I do you, of ſuffering you to be my Niece; and you are oblig’d to me, and my Converſation for this.

Luc.

I have another Obligation to deſire, Aunt.

Mrs. Rich.

What is that?

Luc.

To Marry as ſoon as ’tis poſſible, if you pleaſe Aunt, the Gentleman you Love, that it may Countenance my Marriage with him I Love; that when my Father wou’d chide me, I may anſwer him, I have not done worſe than my Aunt.

Mrs. Trick.

You’r in the Right――what a terrible thing is Example!

Aſide.

Lucin.

But my Aunt muſt make what haſt ſhe can; my Lord Fourbind, my Lover, is moſt furiouſly impatient.

Mrs. Rich.

Ah! Mrs. Trickwel! Now can I be reveng’d of Mr. Rich! His Daughter is in Love with a Courtier, and a Courtier with her, and ſhe’s Diſtracted to be Marry’d to him――if the Father and Mother wou’d but dye with Vexation, I ſhou’d be rid of troubleſom Creatures.

Mrs. Trick.

But, Madam, are you reſolv’d to aſſiſt your Niece in her Deſign;

Mrs. Rich.

Certainly. And I wou’d not for a Thouſand Pound, loſe this excellent occaſion of ſending Mr. Rich to Bedlam.

Mrs. Trick. 25 E1r 25

Mrs. Trick.

That is very charitable, truly.

Mrs. Rich.

Come Ladies: let’s home to Dinner; this News has pleas’d me.

My Niece, and I, will the Example lead,

Teach City-Dames the way to mend their Breed,

Chuſe for our ſelves; let our dull Parents pray;

Devoutly Cheat; each others Lives betray:

And whilſt they Drudge, we’l briskly throw away.

Act IV.

Enter Younger Clerimont.

Cler.

What a Wretch am I! Forſook by Fate; abandon’d to Want and Miſery; my Soul deny’d to uſe her Faculty; no generous Power to to help the Afflicted; and, as if this were not enough, my Virtue too, the laſt Stake that I cou’d boaſt of, is going! I love this vitious Creature, in ſpite of all her Crimes. Her Charms have won my Heart. Begon, thou ſoft Intruder, thou effeminate Paſſion, only fit for lazy Minds. Have I not Wracks without thee, to keep me waking? S’Death! What a Dog I am! Going to be kept by a vile Proſtitute! her Drudge; unkennell’d for a Fop, Lord, or ſome wealthy Fool; ſent to my Poſt of Watching! Confuſion! I’l not indure it!

Walks about Diſtracted.
Enter Belvoir, Mrs. Clerimont, and Jack.

Jack.

There he is; I muſt not be ſeen.

Bel.

My deareſt Friend! my Clerimont! What have I done to merit this Unkindneſs? Why do’ſt thou ſhun thoſe Friends, who fondly Love thee? This Lady, your Relation, begs to Serve ye.

Cler.

Alas! I am Infectious! The deteſted Plague Poverty’s upon me! The meagre Fiend approaches faſt, with her Attendants, Starving and Rags! She’l render me ſo odious, I ſhall fly, if poſſible, my ſelf!

Mrs. Cler.

Better Fortune waits to Crown your Virtues; believe me, Couſin, it does: Your Brother’s in Town; at my Houſe; ſend to him.

Cler.

What, to be Anſwer’d as I was laſt: If I wou’d be his Bailiff, I might eat: Curſes, I’de ſooner feed on my own Fleſh! Sue to him, who never knew Humanity!

Bel.

Well, grant him a Churl; there are a thouſand Ways beſides to advance your Fortune.

Cler.

None, but ſuch as I deſpiſe.

Mrs. Cler.

Allow me one Requeſt; give me your Company this day, and ſubmit to my Contrivance; I have Thoughts at work, that may produce your future peace.

Bel.

My Friend, I am ſure, us’d to have more Complaiſance, than to deny a Lady.

Cler.

I am at your diſpoſe; but remember, Madam, nothing ſhall tempt me for Bread to do an ill thing.

E Mrs. Cler. 26 E1v 26

Mrs. Cler.

Nor wou’d I offer it.

Bel.

Come with us then; and ſhake off theſe melancholy Looks.

Cler.

Impoſſible!――Jack!

Jack.

Sir?

Cler.

Stay you at home; and, d’ye hear――if any Messages come.

Whiſpers.

Jack.

I ſhall, Sir.

Mrs. Cler.

Come, Sir, uncloud that Brow; we won’t leave you in Deſpair, tho’ we found you ſo.

Cler.

Your kindneſs comes too late:

For if ye cou’d the weight of Fate remove:

I’m Daſht agen; and Curst with guilty Love.

Exeunt.

Jack.

Landlady! Landlady!

Enter Mrs. Fidget.

Mrs. Fidg.

Why, how now Impudence! D’ye think you are in an Alehouſe?

Jack.

I humbly beg your pardon, Sweet Madam Fidget.

Mrs. Fidget.

Well, ’tis your Ignorance, I excuſe it: What Humour’s your hopeful Maſter in now?

Jack.

O theſe were his Relations, I hope all will be amended: But, Landlady, humph, Madam, there’s a Plot you and I muſt carry on for his good.

Mrs. Fidget.

With all my heart, I love a Plot extreamly, I was ever good at Plotting: But, dear Brother Plotter, let us do nothing raſhly.

Jack.

What, a Glaſs of Sack firſt; ye ſhall have it, ye ſhall have it.

Mrs. Fidget.

Truly, it helpeth Invention.

Jack.

Come here’s proſperity to our honeſt Endeavour.

Mrs. Fidget.

With all my Spirit.

Jack.

’Tother Glaſs to the Succeſs.

Mrs. Fidget.

Agreed; now let me know it.

Jack.

There’s a Lady in Love with my Maſter.

Mrs. Fidget.

What, ſhe that call’d in the Coach?

Jack.

The ſame.

Mrs. Fidget.

By my troth! a lovely Woman; that there may come no worſe news to England; fill my Glaſs, Sirrah.

Jack.

Now this Lady is not a Whore, nor a Married Woman, nor a Widow, nor a Maid――

Mrs. Fidget.

I underſtand ye.

Jack.

D’ye, faith; why, what is ſhe, ſay you?

Mrs. Fidget.

A kept Miſtreſs, fool.

Jack.

Right, egad; well, theſe Londoners are plaguey ſharp, we ſhou’d ne’re have gueſs’d in the Country: This Damſel is worth Thouſands, and ſhe’d fain throw away ſome upon my Maſter: he, modeſt Fool, (begging his pardon) he’le none on’t, forſooth. So I, being cunning, have found out her Humour by her Appurtenance, her Waiting Gentlewoman, and Lyed my Maſter into her good Graces; told her he was a meer Debauche; ſhe partly believ’d me, but comes to you to be confirm’d; if you can lye, Landlady.

Mrs. Fidget.

Miſtruſt me not, Jack, I warrant ye; but if he won’t ſtand to it, what ſignifies our Promiſes.

Jack.

Oh, ’twill create a longer Acquaintance, and truly I’le get ſome Money out of her, if he won’t; we muſt not periſh; nor will I forſake him.

Mrs. Fidget. 27 E2r 27

Mrs. Fidget.

Well, I’le do my beſt in an honeſt way.

Jack.

Hark, a Coach ſtops, bring ’em up to ſhow your China, and I’le be there to confirm what you ſay.

Mrs. Fidget.

I run.

Exit Mrs. Fidget.

Jack.

’Tis a delicate Age, by Gingo, when the Rake is the fine Gentleman; and the fine Gentleman is the Lady’s Favourite, egad. Mum, ſhe comes.

Re-enter Mrs. Fidget, with Lady Landſworth and Mrs. Betty.

L. Landſ.

Where d’ye Lead me, Madam.

Mrs. Fidget.

O, I always keep my beſt China in my Chambers.

L. Landſ.

This looks like a Gentleman’s Lodging.

Mrs. Fidget.

’Tis ſo, but he’s very rarely in ’em; he lay Abroad laſt night, and ſent word he ſhou’d not be at home till Twelve this night. I have a ſad hand with him; here’s his Man at home, if any of your Miſſes ſhou’d ſend to him; he has forty Ladies, I think, after him. I muſt give him Warning, my Houſe will be ſcandalous elſe; tho’ ’tis a good natur’d Wretch, and can look as demure, I warrant, when a body chides him as any Saint; nay, to ſome he’le carry himſelf like one too.

L Landſ.

Aſide to Betty.

O horrid, let us be gone, my Ears are blaſted!

Betty.

I cou’d have told you as much, but durſt not; you ſeem to be well aſſur’d.

L. Landſ.

Diſſembling Wretch! yet I will ſee him once agen, then in my own freedom be ſafe, innocent, and far from this bewitching Town, paſs my days ſerenely; nor think of falſe Mankind, nor truſt, and therefore be deceiv’d no more.to Jack. Well, then there’s no probability of ſeeing your hopeful Maſter to day.

Jack.

Yes, Yes Madam, I can find him in a minute, when the Summons is to a fair Lady.

L. Landſ.

That’s well, thou art a diligent Servant.

Jack.

Aye, Madam, tho’ I ſay it, I am fit to be e’re a Gentleman’s Pimp in England, and that’s a bold word, now.

L. Landſ.

Excellent Office; pray, Mr. Pimp, then do me the favour to tell your Maſter, I’le be here at Five-a-Clock, to look on ſome China.

Jack.

It ſhall be done, Madam.

Mrs. Fidget.

If he forgets, fear not Madam, I’le remember.

L. Landſ.

No doubt on’t, you have a noble Vocation too, I ſuppoſe, tho’ it has but a courſe Name; come Betty, farewell, at night I’le chuſe ſome China.

Exit L.LadyLandſ.Landſworth

Fidget.

You are very Welcome, Madam.

Jack.

What think ye now, Madam Fidget?

Fidget.

Faith, I know not what to think, her Looks were cold and ſcornful.

Jack.

Pho, Pho, ſhe’s as wanton and warm as er’e a one of your Daughters, after a zealous Fit of Devotion.

Fidget.

Impudence! how dare you mention my Daughters ſo irreverently.

Jack.

Nay, no harm; come let’s in, and take a Glaſs to clear our Underſtanding, and ripen our Plot.

Fidget.

You are an unlucky Dog, I ſee it in your Face, and will never bring it to any thing.

Jack.

Thou art Old enough to be a Propheteſs, only Truth and you were at mortal Odds, ever ſince you eat Chalk and Tobacco pipes.

Fidget.

Thou art a Rogue, but Sack ſhall attone.

Jack.

Come then.

Exeunt.
E2 Scene 28 E2v 28

Scene changes to Mrs. Rich’s Houſe.

Enter Mrs. Rich,, Lady La Baſſet, and Mrs. Trickwell.

Mrs. Rich.

Here, Fellows, ſtand all at your ſeveral Poſts, and let the World know I am at home: I will appear in State.

Mrs. Trick.

Why does not your Ladyſhip eſtabliſh your Viſiting-days?

Mrs. Rich.

I have Mrs. Trickwell, and the rude Town takes no Notice of ’em; wou’d you believe it, I have ſat ye five, ſix hours, and not a Soul, but an ill- bred Citizen’s Wife, whoſe unconſcionable Viſit laſted the whole time, and her whole Diſcourſe, let me dye, of the awkward Brutes, her Children: A my Soul they were begot by her Husband, the things were ſo ungenteel.

Mrs. Trick.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, what a prodigious deal of Wit your Ladyſhip has.

Mrs. Rich.

So amongſt our ſelves, I think too; yet wou’d you believe that illmanner’d Oaf, my Husband’s Brother, had the confidence to tell me the envious World ſaid I was a Fool, my Lady Baſſet, a Fool, wou’d you believe it; I ſay, that Parts, and ſheer Wit, cou’d be ſo malign’d.

L Baſſet.

’Tis a cenſorious World. Aſide. I begin to hate her, tho’ I win her Money, now ſhe’s likely to get Sir John from me.

Enter Lucinda.

Lucin.

O Mame, your La’Ships humble Servant.

Mrs. Rich.

So, that’s pretty well; give your ſelf Airs, Child, When I admit you into my Company: Umph! pluck up your head: What! no motion with your Fan: Ah, ’tis awkward, but ſure, by my Example, ſhe’l learn.

Mrs. Trick.

To be rediculous. Aſide. Mind your Aunt, Miſs, if you’d be the Emblem of Perfection.

Mrs. Rich.

Fie, fie, Mrs. Trickwell, you flatter me.

Lucin.

O la, I can’t make my Fan do like my Aunt’s.

Mrs. Rich.

O my Stars! ſhe’l make a horrid Perſon of Quality: But prithee, Neice, how doſt thou know this Lord loves thee, hey

Lucin.

Oh Mame, he has told me ſo, and my Governeſs ſays ’tis unmannerly not to believe a Lord; beſides, he makes Verſes on me.

Mrs. Rich.

Verſes, O my Stars! What a Theme he has choſe; let’s ſee ’em.

Lucin.

Here, Aunt, they be pure Verſes; ther’s a hugeous deal of Love in ’em.

Mrs. Rich.

Reads. I love you, charming Fair one, more Than ever Mortal lov’d before. And tho’, to my surprizing Joy, The little, wanton, beardleſs Boy Has heard my Prayers, and made you feel, The amorous ſharpneſs of his Steel; Confuſion ſeize me, if my heart, Don’t with a mightier Paſſion ſmart.

La Baſs.

What do I hear! Aſide And have you the Impudence to ſay this Poetry was deſign’d for you!

Lucin.

Mame!――

Mrs. Rich.

Monkey, the Girl has ſtolen ’em out of my Cabinet.

Lucin.

Aunt――

Mrs. Rich.

Hold your peace, be gone, and let me never ſee that young bewitching Face again.

La Baſſ. 29 E3r 29

La Baſſ.

I can hold no longer; the Verſes belong to me.

Lucin.

The Verſes belong to you! that’s furiouſly impoſſible, as my Aunt ſays; how ſhould my Lord know you, to make Verſes of you; you may look high indeed, but not ſo high as a Lord, ſure.

Mrs. Rich.

By my Stars that’s well enough; have I not bid ye go, ye little Impertinence; there muſt be ſome Miſtake.

Lucin.

There muſt ſo, Mame, I warrant your Lover has begg’d ’em of my Lord, and given ’em you.

Mrs. Rich.

Unlucky Creature, will ye go?

Lucin.

Yes. I’le find my dear Lord, and ask him: Not that I care for the Verſes, ſo I have the Man.

Mrs. Rich.

What a Confuſion I am in; if I break with Lady Baſſet, ſhe may expoſe my foibleſs to the whole Town; and to brook a Rival――Walks diſturb’d.

Mrs. Trick.

Obſerve how Mrs. Rich is diſturb’d; here we ſhall loſe a Bubble for your fooliſh Love affair.

La Baſſat.

Confound her! have I kept Sir John, and run all the Riſques in the Univerſe to maintain his Port, and ſhall he dare Addreſs without my Leave.

Mrs. Trick.

’Twas ever ſo, Lady Baſſet; we little Ones doat upon the handſome Footman firſt; make a hard ſhift to Equip him, then ſome topping Dame ſwoops the dreſt up Fellow, and he forgets his Original.

La Baſſat.

I’ll lower his Top-Sail! and make him know he’s mine, and only mine.

Mrs. Rich.

Is it any happy thing we know, my Lady! that has the Honour to be yours, and only yours.

La Baſſet.

Yes verily, a thing you are fond off, and to convince ye how vain all your hopes are, know he Sacrifices all his Fools to me! here’s a Liſt of ’em, chaw upon’t and Farewell!

Exit.

Mrs. Rich.

Mondieu! ſhe has won three Hundred Pound of my Money, and now ſhe Picks a Quarrel with me. Civil I proteſt.

Mrs. Trick.

Ungrateful Wretch! ſhould I forſake my Friend!

Mrs. Rich.

Never whilſt they have Three Hundred Pound left! ’tis againſt the Rule of Prudence.

Mrs. Trick.

Alaſs Madam, what d’ye mean?

Mrs. Rich.

Your Pardon Mrs. Trickwell! I mean nothing; I am angry with the whole World, will Indulge my ill Nature, and never bleſs ’em with a ſmile agen.

Mrs. Trick.

I thought your Ladyſhip wou’d have allow’d your Lover to have been beloved.

Mrs. Rich.

But not to Love, ’there’s the Deſtinction. To increaſe my ſpleen, let’s ſee what this Fury has left! Reads. A Liſt of the Fools that doat upon my proper perſon. So. Dorimene the Back-biter, at the Gilt-Poſt in Twatling Square; Very well. The Rich Amorous Banker’s Widow, removed from behind the Exchange, at the Citizens Folly, into Covent-Garden. Oh! how I hate my ſelf, for having loved him. Miranda the Gilt in Scotland-yard. Arabella the Affected in Pride-Lane, at the Dreſſing-Box. The Lady Hazard, under the Doctors care in Covent-Garden, at the Magdalene. He’s a Monſter. The 30 E3v 30 The Fat Marchioneſs, with her Shinning Face, near the Red-Houſe in Plaiſter- ſtreet. Villain, I’ll ſee him no more. Betty.

Betty.

Madam.

Mrs. Rich.

’Tis reſolved on: I’le ſee Sir John no more.

Betty.

I believe I hear him.

Mrs. Rich.

Whither do you go?

Betty.

I’me going to meet him, Madam, to tell him you’l ſee him no more.

Mrs. Rich.

No, no, Betty, let him come in, I will confound him, and ſee with what Impudence he’l juſtify this Liſt.

Betty.

Here he is, Madam.

Enter Sir John..

Sir John.

Ah! are you there, Madam? you cannot imagine my impatience till I ſee you?

Mrs. Rich.

From what quarter of the Town come you, Sir? from Twatling Square? or Covent-Garden? or is it the Rich Amorous Banker you left laſt?

Sir John.

I know not what you mean, Madam!

Mrs. Rich.

Not what I mean, perfidious Man?

Sir John.

Upon my Honour, Madam, I do not underſtand you.

Mrs. Rich.

See the Obliging Liſt of your Fools Sir.

Sir John.

Ha, ha, ha, and has this diſcompos’d your La’ſhip; only a Frolick at my Lady Jeerwells: We were all ſet to abuſe our Friends; a Lady put down her Liſt, and writ me the Leading Coxcomb, at which we laugh’d for half an hour. I never knew your Ladyſhip ſo out in the practice of Quality in my whole life: Why, the Wit of the Age lies in Abuſes. I warrant ye, there’s my Lady Toſsbum did a thouſand rediculous things, and at laſt cry’d for very Vexation, that none of the Scriblers wou’d put her in Rhime Dogrel.

Mrs. Rich.

I fear I’me in the wrong, Mrs. Trickwell.

Mrs. Trick.

I fear ſo to; Sir John is nice, at theſe things extreamly nice.

Mrs. Rich.

Aye, but the Verſes, Mrs. Trickwell.

Mrs. Trick.

The Verſes, Sir John, the Verſes.

Sir John.

Why, that was the very Adventure I was coming to laugh with your Ladyſhip about: I muſt confeſs I was indiſcreet enough to communicate; my Heart and Tongue being full of my Paſſion, I went, Madam, to the Chocolate-houſe, where I met five or ſix Wits; Yes, Madam, five or ſix,; and let not that aſtoniſh you, for we live in a very fertile Age for Wits.

Mrs. Rich.

And what then, Sir?

Sir John.

What then, Madam? Why, they told me, how that my Lord Fourbines had given theſe Verſes to a Citizen’s young Daughter; that Mr. Flutter had ſent them to a She Friend of his; that Sir Richard Welbred had obtain’d favours from his Miſtreſs by theſe Verſes, ha, ha, ha, ha. Is not this diverting, Madam?

Mrs. Rich.

So, I ſuppoſe, you are extreamly vain, and pleas’d to ſee your Works thus Univerſal.

Mrs. Trick.

As we are, Madam, we leaders of the Town, and fronters of the Boxes, when we find a Faſhion begun by us, awkwardly aim’d at by all the little Pretenders to Dreſs.

Sir John 31 E4r

Sir John.

When, alaſs, borrow’d Wit, like borrow’d Cloaths, fits none but the Owners; To you, and you alone, the Song is a propos; my Heart is only ſenſible of ſo much Fire, your Eyes have only power thus to inſpire.

Mrs. Trick.

How full of Tenderneſs is all Sir John ſays. Aſide. I ſhall deſerve the Five hundred Pounds, Sir John.

Mrs. Rich.

I grant his Expreſſions are full of Douceurs; but then he wants Sincerity and Truth, Mrs. Trickwell.

Mrs. Trick.

Truth, in a Compliment, or Courtier, oh fie Madam! ’tis againſt the Nature of the thing.

Mrs. Rich.

Why, de la Bet, how charmingly contrary is this to my City-education: But canſt thou believe Sir John’s in love with ought but that dear Shadow of his, which he’s Careſſing ſo paſſionately in the Glaſs.

Betty.

I dare ſwear that’s his Idol; but your Ladyſhip will not hear me.

Mrs. Rich.

Yes Betty, I ſhall take a time, for I am vex’d, but ſcorn to ſhow it.

Betty.

Madam――

Mrs. Rich.

Peace, ſee, and admit ’em.

Exit Betty.

Sir John.

Setting his Wig in the Glaſs.

Pax of this ill-favour’d Curl, how many Hairs it exceeds his fellows; this Monſieur Cheurnex is a Booby, Demme.

Mrs. Rich.

How Concern’d Sir John is, in his Juſtification, Madam.

Mrs. Trick.

Aſide.

This Fool will loſe his Opportunity, and I my Money: the Glaſs robs us of your Converſation, Sir John.

Sir John.

No, ’tis the Lady robs me of my ſelf; I am perpetually ſtudying new Airs only to pleaſe her.

Enter Betty.

Betty.

Madam, Mrs. Clerimont, and a world of Company to wait on you.

Mrs. Rich.

Oh my Stars, and are the Indian Curtains drawn, the Wax Candles ready, the Keys with the gold Strings in the Cabinet-doors. Enter Footmen.

Betty.

Yes, Madam, all is in order.

Mrs. Rich.

Why, Tam, Ralph, Waitwell.

Betty.

So, the Fit of Vanity returns, Aſide. they are, Madam, where you Commanded ’em.

Mrs. Rich.

Oh Heavens! now Sir John ſhou’d be caught ſaying fine things to me, and he’s practiſing Grimaces in the Glaſs.

Mrs. Trick.

Sir John, here’s Visitors to the Lady.

Sir John.

Ha! where? Be near me Chriſs. we will receive ’em.

Mrs. Rich:

Shall I be laughing, or in a Paſſion, or how, dear Mrs. Trickwell, quick, quick, your Inſtructions: Some ſay I become a Paſſion rarely.

Mrs. Trick.

In no Paſſion, I beſeech you, Madame, but that of Joy to ſee your Friends: Look, they are here.

Mrs. Rich.

Well, I’le be adviſ’d, but my City Neighbours ſed I chid my Maids with ſuch a Grace, they’d have given all the World to have done like me.

Enter 32 E4v 32 Enter Belvoir, Elder Clerimont, Mrs. Clerimont, and Toby.

Eld. Cler.

A neat place this, Toby; but our Houſe i’th’ Country was nigh as hanſome, till the Hounds, and my Hunts-folks tore it about.

Toby.

Aye Maſter, but ye had not near ſo much Earthen Ware, that ye had not, ad our Mopſa wou’d make rare work we it; Udſnigs ſhe wou’d.

Mrs. Cler.

Why, Mr. Bellvoir, I am baulk’d in my deſign of my Viſit; I intended to have brought the Younger Clerimont, and the Lady Landſworth, to an interview; and his Man has Whisked him away juſt as we came out of the Coach.

Bell.

We muſt on now, there’s no retreating; they look as if they had been ſetting themſelves this hour.

Mrs. Cler.

I have a ſudden whim, prithee aſſiſt.

Bell.

What is’t?

Mrs. Cler.

I’le make my Lubberly Cozen paſs upon that Fantaſtick Creature, for a Beau in diſguiſe.

Bell.

That’s an odd fancy indeed, ſurely ’tis impoſſible.

Mrs. Rich.

Sir John! is this the Mode of the Wits, to come into ones Houſe, and find all the Diſcourſe among themſelves.

Sir John.

I am in a Maze, Madam! let us Accoſt ’em.

Mrs. Rich.

If you pleaſe give me leave Sir John, what Honours are theſe ye heap upon me, Ma’me; to receive a Viſit from the Charming Mrs. Clerimont!

Mrs. Cler.

Charms and Perfections, looſe their Signification, when applyed to any, where Mrs. Rich is by.

Mrs. Rich.

Oh, Madam――

Eld. Cler.

Aye, Toby, here’s Words; I brought thee in to learn a little.

Toby.

Udſnigs, ’tis rare, Maſter.

Sir John.

Mr. Belvoir, I caſt me at your Feet.

Belvoir.

Sir John, I kiſs your hands.

Sir John.

To Cler.Clerimont

Sir, I am Yours.

Toby.

Nouns, what’s he a going to do, unbuckle Maſter’s Shooe.

Eld. Cler.

What a plague; ye have run your Mop in my Face, and e’ne choak’d me with your Powder.

Sir John.

A hey! The meaning of this, my dear Belvoir?

Belvoir.

An uncommon Fancy, Sir John, you cannot find out, I perceive.

Sir John.

Poyſon me, ’twas the oddeſt Reception! for Pluto’s ſake, what is he?

Toby.

What is he? Why he is my Maſter. Udſnigs! dant provoke ’en he’le have a Game at Fifty Coffs we ye, as well as e’re a Man in Vorty Mile on him.

El. Cler.

Let’n a lone Toby, ’tis another Oth Libken Souls, a high Wind, or a Shower frights into Fits of the Mother: I diſpiſe en.

Mrs. Rich.

Oh my Stars! who has your Ladyſhip got with yee?

Mrs. Cler.

Let me beg your private Ear; that Man is the greateſt Niceſt Beau in Chriſtendom.

Mrs. Rich.

Ye amaze me Madam.

Mrs. Cler.

Very true upon my Word. That fellow there, that looks ſo like a John-a-Nokes, is the Jemmeſt Valet; a Counteſs has been in Love with him.

Mrs. Rich. 33 F1r 33

Mrs. Rich.

O my Stars, can I believe you?

Mrs. Cle.

You may, no Creture knows it but my ſelf, I beg ye keep it a ſecret, eſpecially from Sir John, or murder will enſue.

Mrs. Rich.

I engage, oh I love a ſecret extremely, but what could be the occaſion?

Mrs. Cle.

A Lady affronted him, and he ſwore never to addreſs again, but in this ſtrange diſguiſe, becauſe his Miſtreſs choſe his rival only for having his Wigg better powder’d, he’ll not alter this behaviour, nor dreſs, till ſome other Lady makes him amends. He’s my relation, I wonder you can’t perceive ſome Airs of greatneſs thro thoſe Clouds.

Mrs. Rich.

Not I, I proteſt, but the more naturally he does it, he ſhows his parts the more.

Mrs. Cle.

He calls his Gentleman Toby. Cou’d you think one bred a Page had power to put on ſuch a ſhuffling Gate?

Mrs. Rich.

’Tis a diverting whimſie now one knows it; He, he, he!

Sir Joh.

Won’t ye give me leave to laugh with ye, Ladies, at thoſe ſtrange figures? I beg it of ye, for I am ready to burſt.

Mrs. Rich.

It may be dangerous, Sir John, and I adviſe you to keep your countanance. How pretty ’tis to know a thing the reſt of the Company does not?

El. Cle.

Come, Cuz, what muſt we do next, we ha’ ſtared about us long enough, Madam. Ha ’yee ne’re a Smoaking Room, and a Cup of hearty March, ha――

Toby.

Ay fackins, had Maſter and I been at e’re a Gentleman’s houſe i’th’ Country, by this time we had been half Seas-over, Udſnigs.

Mrs. Rich.

Rarely performed I vow.

Mrs. Cle.

Now muſt I keep up the humour, and pretend to direct him. Fie Couſin, talk of drinking before Ladies, you ſhou’d entertain them with fine Converſation and Songs.

El. Cle.

I dan’t paſs, and I do gi’yee a Song; come a Hunting Song.

Sir Joh.

Ridiculous.

Mrs. Rich.

Better and better, by my Stars.

Sir Joh.

She ſeems pleas’d.

to Mrs. Trick.Trickwell.

Mrs. Trick.

I am in the dark.

Mrs. Rich.

Excellent.

Sir Joh.

Excellent! abominable.

Mrs. Cle.

Now if you pleaſe, Madam, we’ll pay a Viſit to my Lady Landſworth; my Couſin ſaid he wou’d return.

Mrs. Rich.

Withal my heart, I believe ſhe’s not at home, but the opportunity will ſhow my apartments.

Sir Joh.

Madam, my hand.

Mrs. Rich.

Your pardon Sir John, this Gentleman’s a ſtranger.

Sir Joh.

Preferr’d to me!

Ed. Cle.

Stand by, Muskcat, you ſee the Gentlewoman likes ye not.

Toby.

Well done, Maſter, egad, he’ll put by a hundred ſuch Limberham’d Beaus as you, egad, he will cram ’em in a Mouſe-hole, I fakings.

Mrs. Cle.

Ah poor Sir John, e’en take that tatter’d Frigat and be content.

Mrs. Trick.

Lets follow and find out the meaning.

Sir Joh.

Ye Gods, and Goddeſſes; Hell, Devils and Furies, I’ll be reveng’d.

Toby.

Ha, ha, ha, what ſtrange Oaths he has?

Exeunt. F Scene
34 F1v 34

Scene Changes to younger Cleremont’s Lodgings.

Enter Clerimont and Jack.

Cle.

Where is ſhe! how my deſires are changed! Triumphant Love prevails, a thouſand fires ſhot from thoſe fair Eyes have warmed me; a thouſand Arguments pleading all for Pleaſure, lead me on, the Lord within plants and and heaves my boſom, whilſt circling tides rowl round a pace, and give tumultuous joys.

Jack.

Ay marry Sir, now you look and breath another Man, good fortune is your ſlave, ſhe always waits upon the bold.

Cle.

And what know I but the coy Dame, who hides her Face at the leaſt word a wry, and bluſhes to be gaz’d on, has in her heart looſer fires than my gay Miſtreſs. How many an honeſt wretch that ask’d wou’d ſwear his Arms infolded a Lucrece, yet truly hugs in the diſſembled Saint, a vile Jilt?

Jack.

Right, Sir, right; oh I cou’d burn my Cap for joy to ſee you thus.

Cle.

She’s coming, and ſeems in buſie talk, let us not diſturb her.

Enter Lady Landſworth and Betty.

Betty.

As ſoon as ever my Lady was ingaged, I fled to over-take ye, Madam.

La. Landſ.

’Twas kindly done, Yonder he ſtands, methinks I hate him, now he has loſt that modeſt ſweetneſs which caught my unwary Soul, his looks are wild and lewd, and all I ever fear’d in men appears in that deceitful face: I would I were away.

Betty.

Nay, Madam, make this laſt trial, ſince you have gone ſo far.

Cle.

May I yet approach.

La. Landſ.

You may, I do remember when we parted laſt, ’twas on odd terms, nature ſeemed reverſt, you fled and I purſued in vain, I practiſed all my Charms, and tryed my utmoſt Art in vain, your Vertue like the Mountain Snow, the nearer I advanced congeal’d the more, and in the bloom of youth, rigid and cold as frozen Age, you awed me with ſeverity. Are ye ſtill thus reſolv’d?

Cle.

Oh no, I am alter’d quite, my very Soul’s on fire, do not my Eyes ſpeak for me? I languiſh, burn and die.

La. Landſ.

Then we have conquer’d, and like Libertines we’ll rove, tire every Pleaſure, tread rounds of joy, the Inſipid world ſhall wonder at, but never know to taſte.

Jack.

Nay, we ſhall live a delicious life that’s certain, ha my dear Damſel.

Betty.

Peace, and mind your betters.

Cle.

What muſick’s in that voice, it dances thro my ears, and puts my heart in tune: not painted Cherubs, not the firſt dawn of chearful day, or opening Spring is half ſo pleaſing. Oh thou art Rapture all, and all Divine, down at thy lov’d ſight each Senſe drinks deep draughts of joy.

La. Landſ.

Throw off theſe mourning weeds, and let me dreſs thee extravagant as my deſires, like a Queen’s favourite, for I wou’d be profuſe.

Jack.

Lard, Lard, how fine we ſhall be.

Cle. 35 F2r 35

Cle.

If there muſt be profuſion, let it be in Love; there lay out all thy Stock; let days and nights and years ſerve only to count the acts of Love.

La. Landſ.

Yes, and teach us to deceive my Keeper, his Purſe muſt help our Riots, his Credulity ſupply our Mirth.

Cle.

Ah, why haſt daſh’d my riſing Extaſies with the deteſted thought that thou art shar’d, but in thy Arms I’ll loſe the goading torment; in thoſe bliſsful moments I’m ſure thou art only mine, My Life, my All.

Embraces her.

La. Landſ.

Stand off thou Monſter, viler, worſe than Man, let thy Contagious breath infect at diſtance. I will remove thee from my ſight, and from my Soul, as far as thou art gone from Honour, Truth, and Honeſty.

Jack.

Here’s a turn ye Gods, why what’s the matter now?

Cle.

Madam――

La. Landſ.

Speak not, nor dare to ſtay me, for I’ll leave thee like thy good Genius in thy diſtreſsful hours, never to return. Oh I cou’d Curſe my ſelf, my Follies, to believe there was Vertue in thy Sex, thou vile diſſembler: May it return upon thee; diſſembled be thy Joys; diſſembled be thy Friends; above all may thy Miſtreſs prove the Abſtract of Diſſimulation.

Cle.

Here me but ſpeak.

L. Landſ.

No, haſt thee to ſome Mart of Luxury and Shame, Preach there, but defile my ears no more; away, my Friends, away, Let’s fly that wretch, fly him and all mankind:Now for the Curſt purſuer leave a track behind.

Ex.exitLa.LadyLandſ. and Betty.

Cle.

What’s the meaning of all this?

Jack.

Mad, Sir, raving Mad.

Cle.

Can ſhe be honeſt?

Jack.

Impoſſible, had ſhe the roguiſh Lear, the Tip, the Wink, the every thing.

Cle.

Peace raskal, ſhe is, and not the world ſhall hide her from me.

Jack.

Now we muſt go upon Knight Errantry; nay heaven be prais’d, we are as poor as Knight Errants already.

Cle.

Fly, Search, Inquire.

She cannot, muſt not long remain unknown,

She’ll be diſcover’d by her Charms alone,

I’ll find, I’ll claim, I’ll ſeize her for my own,

Breath at her feet my Vows, nor thence remove,

Till I am bleſt with her returning Love.

Act V.

Enter Clerimont, Mrs. Fidget and Jack.

Cle.

Sure ’twas all a Dream, I neither ſaw nor lik’d, nor lov’d; it was a Dream, the Gaudy Viſion’s vaniſh’d, and I am waked again to my calamities; or grant it real, what had I to do with Love? Loves the gay Banquet of luxurious hours, he ſhakes his golden wings, and flies deteſted F2Poverty,35F2v36 Poverty, to downy Couches, under gilded roofs he flies, There lays his wanton head, there revels in the fair ones Eyes.

Jack.

Sir, Sir.

Cle.

When the poor joyn they hardly taſte a night of Peace: Strife traces Hymens ſteps ſo cloſe, the haggard thruſts between at Bed, at Board and drives the gentle God away. Oh! my diſtracted thoughts: Why do ye follow me? Is miſery denied the privelege to be alone?

Mrs. Fid.

Ah, Sir, ’tis that unlucky Dog your Man has done this.

Jack.

Hiſt!

Mrs. Fid.

Nay, it ſhall out.

Cle.

What has he done? Speak!

Mrs. Fid.

Why, Sir――

Jack.

Peace, I ſay, ye ungrateful Cockatrice; now will not all the Sack I have ramm’d down that unconſcionable throat keep this poor ſecret in, tho upon my word, I meant it for the beſt: Believe that, I beſeech you, Sir?

Cle.

What’s the matter? What have ye ſaid?

Mrs. Fid.

Ay, ſaid, there ye have hit it: he has ſaid enough, by my troth.

Jack.

I am ſure you always ſay too much.

Mrs. Fid.

Say ye ſo, Sirrah, know then, Sir, that hopeful Rogue gave ye ſuch a Character to the young Gentlewoman, ’twou’d have frighted the Devil.

Jack.

And what ſaid you, Mrs. Dalilah?

Mrs. Fid.

Even the ſame, by your inſtigation, thou Tempter.

Jack.

Keep that name to your ſelf, it belongs to you, Woman: I thought Sir, ſhe lov’d nothing but a Rake, a Madman. I did all for the beſt, indeed I did, Sir.

Cle.

No matter; ’tis the malice of my Fate, which wou’d have found an Inſtrument, hadſt thou been ſilent

Mrs. Fid.

Come, hang Melancholy, and caſt away Care; my mind gives me, this Damſel will wheel about agen: I never yet knew Man or Woman weary of an Intrigue, when ’thas gone no further than yours has done.

Jack.

Right: There ye are in the right, I’faith, Landlady.

Mrs. Fid.

Well, ſawce, you’ll never leave your Impudence, Landlady; Blockhead!

Jack.

Thank ye, Madam.

Enter Belvoir.

Bel.

Still with folded arms and looks of ſorrow. I come to cheer thee, my Friend; to make thee laugh, to give thee laſting joy.

Cle.

Impoſſible!

Bel.

Thy Brother is fallen in Love with the fantaſtical Widow Rich; her Wealth and Beauty has Charm’d him: Ye know that he is poſſeſs’d of a great Eſtate. He never had management enough to be maſter of Money, and hearing the Widow has ſo much he is diſtracted for’t; whilſt ſhe takes him for a Beau in Maſquerade, is wonderfully pleas’d; and, I believe, will be a Match.

Cle.

And what’s all this to me?

Bel.

Oh! much to your advantage; for he has promis’d Mrs. Clerimont, if ſhe can bring this Marriage to paſs, he will reſign that part of the Eſtate to you, your Father in his life time had deſign’d ye.

Cle.

There thou ſpeak’ſt comfort that ſuits my wiſhes, for I wou’d fain Travel, but want the means.

Bel.

Travel!

Cle. My 37 F3r 37

Cle.

My Friend, ’tis not Wealth can make me happy now.

Jack.

Ah, Sir, but Wealth’s a good ſtroak: I ſee Providence has not quite forgot us.

Bel.

Whatever you have reſolv’d, I beg ye to go this moment with me to Mrs. Clerimont’s: A buſie minute now is worth a lazy year.

Cle.

Do even what you pleaſe with me.

Bel.

Come on then.

Mrs. Fid.

Good luck attend ye.

Exeunt.

Scene, Mrs. Rich’s Houſe.

Enter Mrs. Rich, and two Footmen.

Mrs. Rich.

I deſign a Ball to night, ſots, and wou’d have, if poſſible, you Raſcals clean; and you, d’ye hear――

Enter Lady Baſſet and Vermin.

La. Baſ.

I’ll fright this little pretender to Quality, till ſhe either quits Sir John, or buys him of me at a good round rate; he has made many a penny of me, now ’tis time to retaliate. Madam, ſend off your Footmen; I wou’d ſpeak with ye alone.

Mrs. Rich.

Madam!

La. Baſ.

Be gone, Scoundrels, or I ſhall drive ye hence.

Mrs. Rich.

Fellows, be near me, I know not what her deſign is.

La. Baſ.

My deſign is honourable.

Mrs. Rich.

Heavens! What can ſhe mean?

La. Baſ.

Baſe Coward, are ye afraid?

Mrs. Rich.

Afraid, Madam: I! I――

La. Baſ.

Come, no dallying; you have rob’d me of Sir John: I demand ſatisfaction.

Mrs. Rich.

O my Stars! This is extravagant to the laſt degree. Alas, Madam, what ſatisfaction can a Lady give to a Lady.

L. Baſ.

I’d have thee fight. Dare you ſet up for Quality, and dare not fight, pitiful Citizen: ’Tis for thy honour; ’tis modiſh too, extreamly French, and agreeable to thy own phraſe. I’ll have thee fight, I ſay:

Mrs. Rich.

What need I, when I have Conquer’d already: Can I help the power of my Eyes, or Sir John’s ſenſibility. My Stars, this is prodigious! What Weapon muſt we uſe in this unuſual Combat, hey, Madam?

La. Baſ.

D’ye make a jeſt on’t. Sword and Piſtol, Madam.

Mrs. Rich.

Oh, Heavens! I ſwoon at the ſight of either.

La. Baſ.

Thou art the Off-ſpring of an Alderman, I of Quality: I can Fight, Ride, Play; equal the Men in any Vertue or Vice. Thou little Creature, yield, or ſa, ſa――Thus for Sir John: Sa, ſa.

Mrs. Rich.

The Woman’s mad: Will ye come in my houſe and murder me?

La. Baſ.

Look, is this a Jeſt?

Draws a Piſtol.

Mrs. Rich.

Murder! Murder. Jack! Geffery! George! Help! Help!

Enter Mr. Rich.

Mr. Rich.

Hey day! What’s the Houſe turn’d into a perfect Bedlam, learning to fence, Madam Whimſical?

Mrs. Rich.

Oh, Brother, ſave me from that furious Woman, and I’ll ſubmit, for the future, to your Conduct.

La. Baſ. 38 F3v 38

La. Baſ.

aſide.

Curſe on him; this is a ſenſible Fellow, and my deſign’s loſt.

Mr. Rich.

And what are you, a Lady Errant, and this the ’Squire of the body: He looks as if he lived upon Adventures indeed.

La. Baſ.

No matter what I am. I am mad.

Mr. Rich.

I believe ſo.

Mrs. Rich.

I ſhan’t recover the fright this twelve month.

La. Baſ.

She wou’d be a Woman of Quality, and dares not fight: By the honour of my Anceſtors, I’ll go find out Sir John, and if he does not change his reſolution, he and I ſhall diſpute it. Come along, Vermin.

Ex.exitLa. B.Lady Basset and Ver.Vermin

Mr. Rich.

Ha, ha, that wou’d be a pretty Combat, in troth; he dares not fight a Man: This Woman will be an excellent match for him. Doſt thou yet ſee thy folly, thy own, and thy Inſtructor’s folly: Theſe things teach thee to appear like the truly Great. Alas, miſtaken wretch, they are as far from noble Natures, as light from Darkneſs.

Mrs. Rich.

I do begin to find my errour, and am mending my Converſatiion; yet think not, tho’ ye have humbled me, you ſhall e’er bring me back to the City agen: No, I ſtill have ſpirit enough to defie the City, and all its works. By my Stars, I’ll never endure a greaſie City Feaſt; a ſet Cuſtard is my averſion of all averſions, as Olivia has it.

Mr. Rich.

’Tis impoſſible to turn the Current of a Womans Will, tho’ it perpetually runs the wrong way.

Enter Mrs. Betty.

Bet.

Oh, Madam, ſuch a piece of Treachery, ſuch Perfidiouſneſs have I diſcover’d.

Mrs. Rich.

In whom? My Stars, this is a day of wonders!

Bet.

Even Sir John, going from your Ladyſhip in a huff, becauſe you ſmil’d upon the worthy Gentleman in diſguiſe; met your Niece; ſhe flew upon him with a violent Exclamation, My Lord Fourbine, your’s intirely. He anſwer’d in a paſſionate tone, Ah mon cher, I die for ye.

Mr. Rich.

My Daughter!

Bet.

Yes, your Daughter; and together they whisk’d croſs the Gallery, to Miſſes Apartment: I left ’em there, and came to inform your Ladyſhip.

Mrs. Rich.

’Tis all Confuſion and Amazement!

Mr. Rich.

I am deſtracted! my Daughter: I’ll kick him, burn his flaxen Wigg, dirty his white Coat, knock out his butter Teeth, wring off his Noſe, and ſpoil him for being a Beau for ever.

Mrs. Rich.

Whilſt I conceal my ſelf in one of the Cloſets, if this be true, Betty, I have ſuch a revenge ſhall make the Town ring on’t.

Bet.

Do, Madam.aſide to Mr. Rich. Now, Sir, now’s the time to clear the houſe of the Locuſts, theſe ſwarm of Fools.

Mr. Rich.

Set all thy wits at work, my good girl. Come, ſhew me this happy couple, I ſhall ſpoil their mirth I’gad.

Exeunt.
Enter Sir John, Lucinda, Chris, and Governeſs.

Sir Joh.

Beyond my wiſh! Mrs. Rich’s Niece, the World ſhall applaud my revenge: But, my dear, are you ſure none of the Family will interrupt us.

Lucin.

No, no, they mew me here eternally with that old Woman; my Aunt hates a younger face than her own ſhou’d appear where ſhe is: I am not ſuch a Child but I can find that. Come haſten, Governeſs, pack up all my Jewels; we’ll39F4r39 we’ll ſteal out at the back-door, bid adieu to my ſweet Aunt, till my dear Lord and I viſit her in a Coach and Six.

Sir Joh.

That’s my Cherubim, help Chriſ, help, I long to be gone.

Chriſ.

My Lord, we’ll ha down in a twinkling.

Lucin.

But look you my Lord, I muſt tell you my mind in two or three words before we go, what you muſt truſt to. Do you ſee I am not furiouſly in Love; as my Aunt ſays, I run away only for more Pleaſure, more Liberty, &c. I will go every day to the Play, or elſe to the Park; and every time I go to the Park, to the Lodge, to Chelſey: In fine, where I pleaſe, or as I run away with you, I’ll run away from you, ſue for my own Fortune again, and live as I pleaſe: What I have heard how Ladies with Fortunes do.

Sir Joh.

A young Gipſie this, who’d have thought it had been in her, aſide. Mon cher ame, you ſhall have your will.

Lucin.

That you muſt expect, my dear Lord, for had I lov’d obedience I had ſtill obey’d my Father: And ſhe that begins with her Father generally makes an end with her Husband; but that’s furiouſly modiſh, and therefore ſo much the better. Quick, quick, good Governeſs, and then ahey for diſobedience.

Enter Mr. Rich and Betty.

Mr. Rich.

And then ahey for diſobedience, Who is this, my Daughter, with her ahey for diſobedience?

Lucin.

Oh gemini, my Father! what ſhall I do now! well, I’ll e’en turn ſides, take my Father’s part, if he’s uppermoſt, and rail at my Lord furiouſly.

Mr. Rich.

Art thou the flaring Fop my hopeful Siſter’s fond on, deſcended from thy Dutcheſs Bed-Chamber, to ſteal my Daughter?

Sir Joh.

I am a Gentleman, Sir, and expect to be us’d like one.

Mr. Rich.

’Tis falſe, thou art not, I have trac’d thy Original, and found thou art none.

Lucin.

O la! not a Gentleman, why he ſwore to me he was a Lord, out upon him.

Sir Joh.

Well ſaid Miſs, I find we may e’en be marching, for any friends we have here. Thou unpoliſh’d thing, I anſwer thy Affront, with my Mein, my Dreſs, my Air, all ſhew the Gentleman, and give the lye to thy ill mannered Malice.

Mr. Rich.

Defie me, thou thing equip’d! Canſt thou juſtifie the worſt of Thefts, ſtealing my Child? Draw.

Sir Joh.

Your Pardon, Sir, not before the Lady, I may diſcompoſe her, perhaps the ſight of a Sword may fright her into a fit.

Lucin.

O la, don’t let me hinder ye.

Mr. Rich.

Art thou not a Fool?

Sir Joh.

A Fool, alamode, Sir.

Mr. Rich.

A Coward.

Sir Joh.

I am a Beau, Sir.

Mr. Rich.

All ſound and no Sence.

Sir Joh.

I ſing tolerably well. For who wou’d in a Cellar dine, when he may go to Locket’s.

Mr. Rich.

Thou trifling Coxcomb, all Wig and no Brains, begone this very Inſtant, or I’ll lead thee thus by the Noſe, I’ll lead thee to a ſhe Fop of thy acquaintance, Coxcomb, I will, therefore make uſe of thy Heels.

Sir John 40 F4v 40

Sir Joh.

Egad, this is very uncivil.

Mr. Rich.

I meant it ſo.

Sir Joh.

I’ll Lampoon thee, till your Friends ſhall fly ye, your Neighbours deſpiſe ye, and the World laugh at ye.

Mr. Rich.

I believe your Wit’s as dangerous as your Courage, be gone, Inſect.

Lucin.

Pretend to be a Lord, and baulk a young Woman’s expectation!

Bet.

Ah poor Sir John, ha ha.

Sir Joh.

Has ſhe been a spectator, I ſhall be jear’d to death, I will ſtudy a revenge ſhall make you tremble, I will, thou barbarous Cit.

Mr. Rich.

Go ſet your Perriwig to rights fop, ha, ha.

Sir Joh.

Curſes, Curſes, Ah, I ſhall Choak.

Mr. Rich.

Farewell fool; you Madam, I Exit. Sir John. ſhall find a time to diſcourſe with; dear Mrs. Betty, take her into your care, whilſt I turn this old Limb of Iniquity out of doors; here you had a mind to run away, now I deſire you to walk about your buſineſs. Be gone thou unneceſſary evil.

Lucin.

Let her go, I ſay, ſhe ſeduced me I’m ſure.

Gov.

Oh, fie, fie, Miſs.

Mr. Rich.

Begone, ’twas her canting deceiv’d me; what care we ought to take whom we ſet over our Children. Enter Mrs. Rich. So Madam, are you ſatisfied.

Mrs. Rich.

Rage, Spite, Shame and Reſentment at once torment me, ſo baſe a Coward, my Stars, I ſhall go Mad.

Mr. Rich.

Dear Siſter, let your Stars alone, and learn to ſhun folly, whereſoe’er you find it.

Mrs. Rich.

Then I muſt ſhun you, my ſelf, and all the World. You have a ſet and formal folly, I a vain and airy folly, but he the baſeſt, moſt betraying folly.

Mr. Rich.

Then redeem your Judgment, and ſtop Cenſorious mouths, by accepting Mrs. Clerimont’s Kinsman, whom your Woman tells me has a plentifull Eſtate, this will turn the Laughter of the Town upon Sir John, and leave you in happy Circumſtances.

Mrs. Rich.

I will do ſomething, ſomething to plague that fellow.

Bet.

Here comes the Lady, I believe to plead in her friends behalf.

Enter Lady Landſworth and Mrs. Clerimont.

Mrs. Cle.

Ah, Madam, ſuch a misfortune.

Mrs. Rich.

The whole deceitful world, by my Stars, I think is full of nothing elſe.

Mrs. Cle.

But this, Madam, your bright eyes create.

Mrs. Rich.

I my eyes, that’s pleaſant.

Mrs. Cle.

The ſtrictneſs of his Vow racks him, for he knows a Lady thus Accompliſh’d, can never like him as he appears.

La. Landſ.

Indeed I pity him.

Mr. Rich.

Pray Ladies, what’s the Caſe?

Mrs. Cle. 41 G1r 41

Mrs. Cle.

Alas! Sir, a Couſin of mine who wants not the goods of Fortune; but lies under an obligation to ſeem the greateſt Clown in the Univerſe, till fate has made him reparation for the affront he receiv’d, when all his ſtudy was Dreſs and Converſation.

Mrs. Rich.

And has he a good Eſtate?

Mrs. Cler.

Four thouſand a year I aſſure ye.

Mr. Rich.

Gadzooks, what matter is it where ever he is Dreſt, as ye call it, again or no.

Mrs. Rich.

Yes, yes, that is material upon my word, Mr. Rich.

Mrs. Cler.

Would you conſent to marry him, for ſo far his Oath extends; believe me, Madam, he’d ſoon break forth to your amazement.

Mrs. Rich.

I profeſs Ladies, you give me ſuch an Air of bluſhing, when I reflect on what ye are tempting me to.

Mrs. Cler.

I profeſs Mame, ’tis a very becoming Air.

Mrs. Rich.

My Stars! ’twill ſound ſo odd.

Mrs. Cler.

’Twill ſurprize the Town ſo prettily.

Mr. Rich.

Zooks, ’tis the beſt thing to piece up your fantaſtical Character; ’twill ſurprize the world indeed to ſee you do a wiſe thing.

Mrs. Rich.

Speak not you, Sir, for I yield only to the Ladies. Well, where is the Gentleman?

Mrs. Cler.

Languiſhing within, Madam; condemn’d to ſilence, leaſt his rough hewn expreſſions ſhould offend.

Mrs. Rich.

De la Bett, a pen and Ink, perhaps I may expoſe the Knight, and ſatisfie your friend. Your pardon for ſome moments; come with me Neece.

Lucin.

Yes, Madam, pray let us be reveng’d on this ſham Lord, you can’t think what a lyar he is.

Mrs. Rich.

Your Servant.

Mrs. Cler.

Yours.

Exit Mrs. Rich. and Lucinda.

La. Landſ.

Follow Dear De la Bett, as thy Lady has it, and now ſhow thy Maſter Piece.

Bet.

I lay my life ’tis done, I ſee it in her Eyes.

Mr. Rich.

In hopes on’t, I’ll get a parſon. This Widow married, my affairs are proſperous, and my Daughter and her Fortune return to me.

Mrs. Cler.

Haſten, good Sir, for this fair Lady and I have a little buſineſs of our own.

Mr. Rich.

More Weddings, I hope, then we’ll have Dancing in abundance; come honeſt De la Bett, I promiſe thee a new portion to thy new name.

Bet.

I’ll endeavour to deſerve it, Sir.

Exit Mr. Rich. and Betty.

Mrs. Cler.

My Charming Couſin, have not I found a pretty imployment, to turn general Match-maker? But for the younger Clerimont, I own I could do any thing.

La. Landſ.

I ſhou’d diſſemble worſe than I thought he did, not to ſay I’m pleas’d to find his Character what I ſo heartily wiſh’d it.

Mrs. Cler.

To convince ye throughly, I have ſent for his Landlady, whoſe odd account of him muſt proceed from folly, or malice: O here ſhe comes!

G Enter 42 G1v 42 Enter Mrs. Fidget.

Mrs. Cler.

Your Servant, Madam, ’twas not for goods, as I pretended I gave you this trouble, but to ask after the deportment of my Relation, Mr. Clerimont, your Lodger.

La. Landſ.

The wild, mad Spark, that ſcarce ever lies at home: you know me, Madam, I ſuppoſe?

Mrs. Fid.

Yes, yes, Madam, in verity I muſt beg your pardon, I did belye the Gentleman, abominably belye him.

La. Landſ.

What provok’d you to it?

Mrs. Fidg.

Truly, Ian, I contriv’d it, thinking it wou’d pleaſe your Ladiſhip.

La. Landſ.

Ian, pray who is Ian?

Mrs. Fid.

My Friend and his Footman.

Mrs. Cler.

My Couſin, I am ſure was always accounted a very modeſt, ſober Gentleman.

Mrs. Fidg.

Modeſt! udſfleſh, he has not his peer in the whole Town; by my fackings, he’s a little too modeſt, that’s his fault.

Mrs. Cler.

I dare affirm he’s truly noble, not in theſe ſtraights of Fortune wou’d he quit his Honour, to be Great, or his Integrity to be Rich.

Mrs. Fidg.

Or his Religion to be thought a Wit.

La. Landſ.

Enough, Ladies, I am fully ſatisfi’d; only to his Love, if I have made any impreſſion.

Mrs. Cler.

That this moment you your ſelf ſhall be judge of; he’s coming, if, you pleaſe to retire you ſhall over-hear me ſound his inclinations.

Mrs. Fidg.

Aye, there he is, Heaven bleſs him, he’s a ſweet young man.

La. Landſ.

Come with me Mrs. Fidgit. Now Clerimont, If thy heart does with generous paſſion burn,Than I with joy will love for love return.Exit La. Landſ. (and Mrs. Fidget.

Enter the younger Clerimont, Belvoir and Jack.

Bell.

I have brought him, Madam, but I am aſham’d to ſay with what reluctancy, he flies even you, you the fair contriver of his Auſpicious Fortunes.

Cler.

I am ſure, I am aſham’d to ſee you take ſuch pains about a thing not worth your care.

Mrs. Cler.

When the good ſuffer, the vertuous part of humane kind are all concern’d. When we ſuffer by fate, and not our faults, Heaven always makes the tryal ſhort, and ſhows an eaſie way for our deliverance.

Cler.

In vain you ſooth me with your friendſhip; did you fully know me, you wou’d know, there ſcarce is left a room for hope.

Mrs. Cler.

Suppoſe there is a Lady in love with you, ſurrounded thus as you are with your misfortunes; ſuppoſe her Chaſt, and Rich, and Fair, who tho her43G2r43 her eyes never yet encountred yours, by my deſcription, doats upon a Character ſo ſingular and different from your wild Sex.

Cler.

Were ſhe as fair as Women wou’d be thought; as vertuous as they were of old, e’re ’twas faſhionable to be falſe; had ſhe Wealth would ſatisfie the Vain, the Miſer, the Ambitious; ſo far am I from once conſenting to what your kindneſs has propos’d, I woud not to rid me of half my Sorrows, ſo much as ſee her.

Bel.

Ah, my friend! this muſt be ſome prepoſſeſſion; you already are in Love.

Cler.

It is enough to ſay I am a fool, muſt ſearch the world and know it better, e’re I pretend to ſpeak my thoughts. If, Madam, from my Brother ye can procure my Father’s firſt deſign, I ſhall own my ſelf eternally oblig’d, and trouble ye no more.

Mrs. Cler.

I ſigh to ſay it is not in my power, ſince you refuſe the advantageous offers of the Lady’s love.

Cler.

Then all I beg, is that ye wou’d inquire for me no more. There is no warding the blows of Fate; the wretch that’s doomed unfortunate, no Arm of Power can ſave.

Bell.

But you look thro deſpair: Believe me, friend, ’tis a falſe Glaſs, Fortune has a fairer Face to ſhew you.

Mrs. Cler.

That pleaſing task be mine, Madam, you here the Gentleman is obſtinate, but now, Sir, if you are not charm’d with this appearance, you have a reliſh different from the univerſal World.

Re-enter Lady Landſworth, and Mrs. Fidget.

Cler.

Ha! ’tis ſhe! ’tis ſhe! here let me fix, thus let me claſp my Bliſs, thus for ever, ſecure my only valued treaſure!

Jack.

Ay, ’tis ſhe, egad, and my Landlady too!

Mrs. Fid.

Yes, Manners, your Landlady too.

La. Landſ.

And dare you venture upon me, after the Alderman, the Colonel, and the Senator?

Cler.

My Eyes ſhou’d have contradicted all other Sences; ſweet Innocence is writ in that dear face, and Vertue in her brighteſt Characters.

Mrs. Cler.

Vertuous and Great, the Charming Widow of Sir John Landſworth: Her Husband formerly, I believe you have ſeen. What cou’d you ask of Fate more, than to love and be belov’d by her?

Cler.

And have I been repining, when the bounteous Heavens were pouring ſuch laviſh Bleſſings down? Oh! my raviſh’d Soul! My firſt, my only dear!

La. Landſ.

’Tis wondrous pretty, when Love’s ſoft paſſion firſt invades our breaſt, it brings a thouſand Charms, a thouſand Joys, unknown before; but ah! too often in your Sex, rowling time, or ſome newer face, puts out the kindly flame, and the forſaken Fair is left to live, and languiſh on the kind Words which ſhe will hear no more. What can ſecure me from ſuch a Fate? Not even your preſent thoughts, for they may change.

Cler.

Never, my Charmer, never! To look on thee ſecures a heart like mine from roving: To hear thee talk, will fix for ever in the ChainsG2of44G2v44 of Love. But, oh! to have thee all; there words cannot aim, there breath is loſt in extaſie.

Mrs. Cler.

Here’s a world of fine things; tho’ I am a little of the Lady’s mind, ’twill ſcarce hold out ſeven years.

Bel.

So, there’s two in perfect happineſs. I hope, Madam, you that were ſo Compaſſionate to others, will not your ſelf be cruel, but reward my conſtant vows, nor let me longer ſigh in vain.

Mrs. Cler.

Mr. Belvoir, I have allow’d you too long a favour’d Lover in honour to go back; we are as good as married already.

Bel.

No, my dear Angel, the greateſt ſweet’s to come.

Mrs. Cler.

Ay, and the ſowre too, that the worſt on’t. Look, here’s another happy Couple.

Enter elder Clerimont, Mrs. Rich, Mr. Rich, Lucinda, Betty and Toby.

Mrs. Rich.

Well, Ladies, what d’ye think I have been doing ſince I went out? by my Stars! a world of buſineſs; and that’s a thing I hate, writ a Billet-doux to the Beau in appearance; married the Beau in diſguiſe; given occaſion for forty Stories, and fifty Lampoons, ha, ha, ha! I have done it all in a humour, by my Stars!

Mrs. Cler.

E’en carry it on, Madam; never have a grave fit and repent, I ſay.

El. Cler.

Yes, faith, I’m ſped, and all o’th’ſudden; ſhe’s handſomer trath, than our Sh’riff’s Daughter. How they’ll ſtare, Toby, when ſhe ſhows her paces thro’ our Alley, to the great Pew. Brother Charles, how came you here? Well, I’ve gin the Writings into Couſin’s hands: Udslids, does that pretty Lady belong to you? Why, this is a rare place for handſome Women, by my troth.

Mrs. Rich.

Come, Sir, the Transformation has been Comical enough, but now I beg you to reaſſume your former Mein and Dreſs, and let me make as great a ſacrifice to you, as the Lady made of you.

Mrs. Cler.

O, dear Belvoir, ſay ſomething to keep in my laugh, or I’m undone.

Bel.

I dare not lift up my eyes, nor ſcarce open my lips to let my words out.

Mr. Rich.

I confeſs, my Gravity is put to the Teſt now.

Mrs. Rich.

Come, Mr. Clerimont, will ye haſten; pray dreſs immediately, becauſe I expect Sir John this moment.

El. Cler.

Yes, fags, I’ll dreſs, as ſoon as I can get my Cloaths made; and ſince I’m Wed, I’ll beſtow more money than I thought, by five pound.

Mrs. Rich.

Nay, now the humour’s tireſome, here’s only Friends.

Bet.

Oh, Madam, I ſhall break my Lace.

Cler.

What’s the meaning of all this?

La. Landſ.

The tittering Damſel behind ye, can tell.

Mrs. Rich.

Come, I wou’d not for a thouſand pound Sir John ſhou’d find you thus; this is carrying the Jeſt too far. Speak to him, Madam.

Mrs. Cler. 45 G3r 45

Mrs. Cler.

Indeed, Madam, I fear it muſt go a little farther; for, to tell ye the plain truth, he has the Eſtate I mention’d, and is my Relation; but for the Accompliſhments you expect, they are yet to learn, upon my word.

Mrs. Rich.

How! I’m undone! What, no Converſation, no Judgment in Dreſs, no Mein, no Airs!

El. Cler.

Prithee, Cuz, what is that ſame Airs, d’ye ſee? I’d willingly pleaſe her, now I have her, d’ye ſee?

Mrs. Cle.

Airs: Why, ’tis a fooliſh Word, uſed by thoſe that do underſtand it, and thoſe that do not; ’tis what’s pretty, when Nature gives it; and what, when affected, ſpoils all that Nature gives beſides.

Mrs. Rich.

Oh! I ſhall go mad. Is that an Object fit to pleaſe a Woman nice as I am?

Mr. Rich.

Come, Siſter, a long Periwig, an Alamode Steenkirk, &c. has made a worſe Face a perfect Beau e’re now: Conſider, he has ſome thouſands a year.

El. Cler.

Ay, marry have I: Nay, udslid, I have a Title too; I value no more, d’ye ſee, killing a Man, than I do killing a Mouſe; for I’d take up my Patent, be a Lord, and be try’d by my Peers.

Bel.

Thy Peers! Where wou’dſt find ’em?

Mrs. Rich.

Oh, my curſed Stars! Firſt a Citizen’s, and then a Country ’Squire’s Wife. Ah! I ſhall never endure him, that’s certain.

El. Cler.

Mid hap ſo, and mid hap ye may; I ſhan’t croſs ye mich. All the Hunting ſeaſon I’ll be in the Country; and you ſhall hunt Pleaſures here in Town. Ge me a little of your money to pay my debt, and I won’t trouble you, d’ye ſee.

La. Landſ.

Well ſaid, Mr. Bridegroom: Come, Madam, few Beaux wou’d be more Complaiſant.

Bet.

Madam, Sir John――

Mrs. Rich.

Mountains cover my ſhame! What ſhall I ſay now?

La. Landſ.

Say! laugh at him, as all the World ought.

Mrs. Cler.

Believe me, Madam, ye have made the better choice.

Mr. Rich.

A thouſand times.

Enter Sir John, and Mrs. Trickwell.

Mrs. Trick.

You bring me here to ſee you Triumph, I can never believe it; you have ſome trick put upon you, Sir John.

Sir Joh.

Have I not her own Note, that ſpight of her Jealouſies, and her Brother’s Tyranny, ſhe will this day be married.

Mrs. Trick.

She does not ſay to you. Ha! What a World of Company is here?

Sir Joh.

The Brother, and the young Gipſie his Daughter: I’ll be gone.

Bel.

Nay, no retreating, Sir John, you muſt, at leaſt, wiſh the Lady joy.

Mrs. Rich.

Sha, my deſign’s broke, my Plots ſpoiled, can I Triumph at his defeat, and ſhow that awkard figure?

Sir Joh. 46 G3v 46

Sir Joh.

Madam, your Summons brought me hither, I hop’d to Joys.

Mrs. Rich.

I hate you, and all mankind.

Lucin.

So do I; ye ſham Lord, ye brag, ye bounce, ye――

Bel.

Enough, good Miſs. Sir John, I perceive you muſt ſearch for new Gallantries; here the Ladies are provided for, except this little one, who ſeems to have no inclination.

Sir Joh.

Pax take ye all; they were fond, I’m ſure.

Mr. Rich.

Come, ye young Coquette, your Education ſhall be alter’d, I aſſure ye, ’tis e’en high time.

Mrs. Trick.

Well, I believe my booty with yonder fantaſtical Lady is at an end, ſo I’ll ſteal off unobſerv’d.

Exit Mrs. Trickwell. Enter Lady Baſſet.

La. Baſ.

Where is this Villain, This falſe, ungrateful Villain?

Sir. Joh.

So; another outcry?

La. Baſ.

Yes, Traytor, and a juſt one: Know all, this was but a Servant in Sir John Roverhead’s Family; I dreſt him in theſe borrow’d honours, knowing Sir John never came to Town. I taught him the Modes and Manners here, and he has rewarded me with Inconſtancy.

Sir Joh.

Hold, hold; not ſo faſt. How came you to be the Honourable, the Lady Baſſet: I think ’twas I dubb’d ye. As I take it, ye were but the caſt Miſtreſs of Sir Francis Baſſet, when I found ye.

Mr. Rich.

See, Siſter, how the Quality you were fond of, expoſe one another.

Mrs. Cler.

And ſeeing this, be reconcil’d to your new Spouſe, who is of a noble Family, and I promiſe to introduce ye to Perſons of Merit and Honour.

La. Landſ.

We ſhall all be fond of ye, for, of your ſelf, you are Charming and Senſible: ’Tis only theſe Wretches have render’d ye ridiculous.

Mr. Rich.

Come, give him your hand, ’tis a gentle puniſhment for ſo much vanity.

Mrs. Rich.

Well, ſince my malicious Stars have thus decreed it; but, d’ye hear, I expect to have your Eſtate in my power, and that ſame Title you talk of look’d into.

El. Cler.

Sackings and ſo you ſhall; but muſt not I have your fine parſon in my power too? ha!

Mrs. Rich.

Has the Thing ſence enough to be in Love?

Cler.

Now, I hope, all’s well, and I have prevail’d with my Landlady to give ye a Song.

La. Landſ.

Do, good Mrs. Fidget?

Mrs. Fid.

Any thing to divert ye.

Toby.

And adod, after that, I’ll give ’em a donce.

Bel.

Well ſed, honeſt Toby.

Mrs. Rich. 47 G4r 47

Mrs. Rich.

Sir Ian, will ye participate our diverſion, or employ your time in reconciling your ſelf to this inraged Lady.

Sir Joh.

Shame, Diſappointment and Diſreputation light upon you all; wou’d the whole Sex were upon Salisbury Plain, and their rigging on fire about their Ears.

Exit Sir John.

Mrs. Cler.

And that’s the dreadful Curſe of a defeated Beau. Follow, Madam, and put him in a better humour.

La. Baſ.

Hang him, as I wou’d my ſelf, you, and all the World.

Exit Lady Baſſet.

Bet.

A fair riddance.

Cler.

Now the Song, and then the Dance.

Mr. Rich.

Now Siſter, and Daughter, to you I chiefly ſpeak, let this days Adventure make ye for ever cautious of your Converſation; you ſee how near theſe pretenders to Quality had brought you to ruin. The truly Great are of a quite different Character. The Glory of the World our Britiſh Nobles are,The Ladies too Renown’d, and Chaſt and fair:But to our Citizens, Auguſta’s Sons,The Conquering Wealth of both the India’s runs;Tho’ leſs in Name, of greater Power by far,Honours alone, but empty Scutcheons are;Mixt with their Coin, the Title ſweetly ſounds,No ſuch Alloy as Twenty Thouſand Pounds.

The End

48 G4v

Books Printed for Richard Baſſet, at the Mitre againſt Chancery-Lane in Fleet-ſtreet.

  • 1. The Works of Joſephus, Epitomiz’d from the Greek Original, and the Hiſtory preſerv’d in what is material, only by contracting things of leſſer moment, &c. Octavo. Price 6 s.shillings
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