A1r

The
Deceiver Deceived:

A
Comedy,

As ’tis now acted by
His Majesty’s Servants,
at the
theatre
in Little-Lincolns-Inn-Fields.

London,
Printed for R. Basset, at the Mitre in Fleet-street, near
Temple-Bar. 16981698.

A1v A2r

To
Sir Robert Marsham,
Knight and Barronet.

What shall I say, or how excuse my Boldness,
in venturing to make so mean a present, and
without permission too; I am full of fears, tho
hitherto I have still run the same risque, and
always found my Friends so good both to forgive and accept
my worthless trifles: Nay even her Royal Highness shew’d
such a benign Condescention, as not only to pardon my ambitious
daring, but also Incouraged my Pen, why then shou’d
I fright my self with the apprehension of your Frowns and
Anger, when at the same time I know you to be the most
Generous and best tempered Man in the World.

I look upon those that endeavour’d to discountenance this Play
as Enemys to me, not that, and had the Play been never so
good they wou’d have shew’d their Teeth: Yet sure, if you
be so Noble to protect it, their good manners (that is, if they
understand any) tho their spite remains will make ’em cease
to Cavil at the Work, when such a worthy name Adorns
the Frontispiece. I must not trouble you with the little Malice
of my Foe, nor is his Name fit to be mentioned in a
Paper addrest to Sir Robert Marsham, he has Printed so
great a falshood, it deserves no Answer; yet give me leave
without being thought Impertinent or Prolix, to say I now
am pleased and treated by those who please every Spectater
with a Candour and Sweetness not to be exprest.

If I follow’d my inclinations, I shou’d now proceed to recite A2 those A2v
those Vertues which all the happy World that have the
Honour to know you daily see, but that I am sure wou’d be
the way to offend, for you scarce hate Vice more than to
hear of your Merits, therefore I shall only add, as you are
Happy in your Lady, Happy in your children, which are
Lovely and Hopeful as an Indulgent Parents wish can form;
Happy in Fortune, Capacious like your Soul; Happy in
your Friends, who love you even to Fondness: That Heaven
may continue all these Blessings many succeeding Years,
is the earnest and daily wish of,

Sir,
Your most Humble
and most Obedient Servant.

Mary Pix.

PRO- A3r

Prologue, spoken by Mr. Bowen.

Deceiv’d Deceiver, and Imposter cheated!

An Audience and the Devil too defeated!

All trick and cheat! Pshaw, ’tis the Devil and all,

I’ll warr’nt ye we shall now have Cups and Ball;

No, Gallants, we those tricks don’t understand;

’Tis t’ other House best shows the slight of hand:

Hey Jingo, Sirs, what’s this! their Comedy?

Presto be gone, ’tis now our Farce you see.

By neat conveyance you have seen and know it

They can transform an Actor to a Poet.

With empty Dishes they’ll set out a Treat,

Whole Seas of Broth, but a small Isle of Meat:

With Powderle-Pimp of Dance, Machine and Song,

They’ll spin-ye out short Nonsense four hours long:

With Fountains, Groves, Bombast and airy Fancies

Larded with Cynthias, little Loves and Dances:

Which put together, makes it hard to say,

If Poet, Painter, or Fidler made the Play.

But hold, my business lies another way.

Not to bespeak your Praise by kind perswasions,

But to desire the favour of your patience.

Our Case is thus:

Our Authoress, like true Women, shew’d her Play

To some, who, like true Wits, stole ’t half away.

We’ve Fee’d no Councel yet, tho some advise us

T’ indite the Plagiaries at Apollo’s Sizes?

But ah, how they’d out face a Damsel civil:

Who’ve impudence enough to out face the Devil:

Besides, shou’d they be cast by prosecution,

’Tis now too late to think of restitution;

And faith, I hear, that some do shrewdly opine

They Trade with other Muses than the nine.

I name no names, but you may easily guess,

They that can cheat the Devil can cheat the Flesh.

Therefore to you kind Sirs, as to the Laws

Of Justice she submits her self and Cause,

For to whom else shou’d a wrong’d Poet sue,

There’s no appeal to any Court but you.

EPI- A3v

A dialogue in the fourth Act, between Mr. Bowman and
Mrs. Bracegirdle: The words by Mr. Durfey and set by Mr. Eccles.

He

When will Stella kind and tendre

Recompense Fidele amour,

You mine heart have made me rendre,

If yours come not in retour

Blank despair I can’t defendre

No, no, no, I can’t defendre

Grief must kill tout les jours

She

How can Damon love another

Who believes himself so fine,

He may talk and keep a pother.

But to change can ne’er incline

So much Charm must slight all other

Ay, ay, ay, must slight all other,

He believes himself so fine.

He

Then adieu false Esperanza,

Tout le plasire de beau jours

Stella’s heart keeps at a distance,

And disdains le cher effort,

She mon Ame will ne’er advance,

No, no, no, will ne’er advance

Cruel death then prend mon cor.

She

You a Beau and talk of dying

’Tis a Cheat I’ll ne’er believe,

You’ve such life in self enjoying

Death’s a word you can’t forgive

Go, improve deceit and lying

Ay, ay, ay, but name not dying,

That’s a Cheat I’ll ne’er believe.

Chorus

He

When will you prove me to know

The truth of a passionate Peau.

She

How shall I prove you to know

The truth of a flashy Town-Beau.

He

By the groans and the tears of the wretch.

She

By his Paint, and his Powder and Patch.

He

By his Mouth, and his very good Teeth.

She

By his Sighs, and his very bad Breath.

He

By his Eyes, and the air of his Face.

She

When he ogles and looks like an Ass.

He

Morbleu ma cher each part my truth will show.

She

Mon fou, mon fou I never can think so.

He

Morbleu, &c.

She

Mon fou, &c.
A DIA- A4r

A Dialogue in the fifth Aact, between a Boy and a Girl, and
an Old Man. Written by Mr. Motteux; set to the Musick
by Mr. J. Eccles.

Enter Girl

Girl

Why do I sigh and tremble so?

Why does my Colour come and go,

When here young Strephon is?

Is this to Love? how shall I know?

When he wou’d kiss me, I say, No, no, no, no, no.

But yet I let him kiss.

II

I wish the pretty youth to see,

And yet I fear near him to be;

He pains yet pleases so.

Shall I refuse, or else deny?

I fear I hardly shall say, Fie, fie, fie, fie, fie.

Were none but he to know.

Enter Boy

Boy

Oh! how d’ye do, Miss? I hope I don’t scare you.

Methinks I’ve no Pleasure, but when I am near you.

I don’t know what ails me, but when you appear,

I feel something so pretty that tickles me here.

Girl

Oh! Dear! so do I: Well, I’m glad you are come;

Yet I start, and I blush, when you enter the Room,

Just like our Maid, when she meets with your Groom.

Boy

Let’s do as they do; seem shy, and I’ll kiss.

Girl

Oh! Law! what would Mother say should I do this!

Boy

Hush, Fool! you must, like her, say nothing, yet kiss.

Girl

Nay, don’t you, be quiet! Grand-Father is by.

Don’t, let me alone ―― see! My head’s all awry.

Boy

I’ll buss you.

Girl

I’ll scratch you.

Boy

I care not a pin.

Girl

Nay, now the Folks see you.

Boy

Then let us go in.

Both

Then let us go in.

Enter Old Man

Old Man

Why, Sirrah! Why H’us’wife! how dare you do this?

I’ll get a good Rod, I’ll teach you to kiss.

Boy

Is there any harm in’tflawed-reproduction

Girl

Oh, pray do not Scold.

Boy

We’re not so much too Young as you be too Old.

Old Man

Stay till you be Married.

Boy

Pray Marry us then.

Girl

They say when we’re Married we’re Women and Men.

Old Man

’Tis time you should wed, if already you long.

We’re quickly too old, but we’re never too young.

All Three

BoyGirlOld Man[Speaker label not present in original source]

’Tis Time you should Wed, if already you long;

We’re quickly too Old, but we’re never too Young.

Exflawed-reproductioneunt
flawed-reproduction A4v

Persons Represented.

Mr. Betterton Melito Bondi A Senator of Venice, who counterfeits
blindness to avoid being President
of Dalmatia.

Mr. Arnold Gonsalvo Another Senator.

Mr. Hodgson Count Andrea Gallant to Melito Bondi’s Wife.

Mr. Verbruggen Fidelio A noble Venetian decay’d in his Fortunes.

Mr. Bowman Count Insulls A Rich Merchants Son of France,
pretending to Ariana.

Mr. Bowen Gervatio Steward to Melito Bondi.

Mr. Trafuse Actwell A Cunning Fellow.

Mr. KnapHeardouble and

Mr. Watson Stretchwell Two Informers.

Boy and Attendants.

Women.

Mrs. Barry Olivia Bondi’s Wife.

Mrs. Bracegirdle Ariana His Daughter.

Mrs. Lee Lady Temptyouth

Mrs. Prince Lucinda One she brings up.

Mrs. Silvia Olivia’s Woman.

Mrs. Beatrice Ariana’s Woman.

Mrs. Tiflewell Lucinda’s Woman.

ACT B1r 1

Act I. Scene I.

Enter Seignior Melito Bondi, led by a Boy.

Bondi

Lead me to my Chair, then send Gervatio hither.

Boy

Yes, my Lord.

Exit Boy.

Bond

This Morning I’ve out-risen the Sun, to scourge that Dog
whose curst Contrivance brought the Mischiefs which destroy my
Sleep: Oh! here he comes, the Coast is clear, and I’ll secure it so.

Enter Gervatio.

Gerv

Good morrow to your Lordship; what does your Lordship mean?

Bond

What did you mean, Rascal, to make me mad, horn mad, with this counterfeiting
Blindness? but I can see your Plots, you Pander, and you shall feel my
Rage.

Canes him.

Gerv

Thus faithful service ever is rewarded; Will ye but hear me?

Bond

No, I’ve seen too much; you’ll make me deaf next, I suppose, sirrah, and
then set the World upon abusing me that way, Villain.

Gerv

Hold and hear what I can urge, or I’ll raise all the House, and lay the Imposture
open.

Bond

Well, I will hold, not out of any kindness, but that I’m out of breath.

Gerv

If I am not reveng’d on ye, ye old Don, I’ll be hang’d.

Aside.

Bond

Well, what have you to say, Sir?

Gerv

Look ye, my Lord, in the first place I’ll go close to the Door, and if your
Lordship offers to move or stir your Cane, I’ll fly out, and this minute proclaim
in Venice, that ――

Bond

Hold, I am quiet.

Gerv

Then how have you the face to use me thus? Am I not privy to all your
Extortions and Briberies? Have I not carried the tempting Sumflawed-reproduction, that corrupted
Knaves, and excused your self from greater? Have you not sworn a taxing power,
tho’ for the good of the Commonweal, was worse than a luxurious Tyrant, who
thought of nothing but his Pleasures? Nay more, if the Grand Seignior would let
you enjoy your Wealth, you had as live have him for your Head as his Holiness.

Bond

Well, good Gervatio, thou dost know my Failings, but ’tis the ill consequence
of this blindness puts me in all these passions.

Gerv

Does not your Conscience (but I have forgot, you have none, else it
would) fly in your Face, for abusing me on that acount? Did not you, when the
old President of Dalmatia died, come to me, Oh! dear Gervatio, I’m undone! my
turn is next to that chargable Post, I shall lavish all the Wealth my whole Life has
been scraping together! Then you coaxed me, Thou art ingenious, think
some way I may be mist, and I’ll make thy Fortunes.

Bond

Nay, this is true.

B Gerv. B1v 2

Gerv

Is it so? I almost lost my Eyes in reality in poring over old musty Statutes;
there I found nothing but some natural Incapacity could exempt the rich
Nobles in their turns: Accordingly I advis’d you to counterfeit Blindness; you
did it, succeeded, Martino Cornaro is chose in your place, and I am cudgel’d for my
pains.

Bowing.

Bond

Ah Gervatio, thou hast told the Sweets and Profits of the story, but left
the bitter sting out. Whilst the Duke and Senate believed my Blindness, and I
escaped that hateful Office, my Wife and Daughter do so too at home, my Wife
with ogling Eyes just at my Nose, views her Gallant, and the young Gipsie lets
that Bankrupt’s Son, Count Fidelio, steal her Hand: This makes me mad, and wish
I were blind indeed.

Gerv

For this I also provide a Remedy: You know by my care the Ladies are
almost alwaies with you else; I watch ’em, let ’em look on, squeeze Hands, they’l
scarce venture to make you a Cuckold or a Grandfather. Beside, my Diligence goes
farther; this day the Girdle of St. Sylvester comes your tutelar Saint, for you will
have a Saint too, tho’ to my knowledge all your Religion lies in filling your Bags.
But, as I said before, to day the wonderful Girdle comes, and will get credit, for I
dare swear you see immediately after the damagedperation.

Bond

Well, thou art a Wag; codamaged, take care of my Wife and Daughter till I
dare own I perceive ’em again, and I’ll make amends for my Blows; faith Gervatio
’twas hard last night to see a Man kiss my Wife half an hour together before my
Face, and when I call’d, the Baggage would take off her Lips and cry, “How do’st
my Dear?”
Then my Daughter, you know, I design for my Lord Insuls, Son to the
rich French Merchant Monsieur Opulant, who by his Industry has purchas’d three
Jack Pudding French Beaux Estates.

Gerv

For a Son that as like a Jack Pudding Beau will Aside. spend it, to my own knowledge.

One knocks.

Bond

Here, here, to my Chair, quick, quick, open the Door.

Enter Seignior Gonsalvo.

Gonsal

A happy Morning to my Lord.

Bond

Gonsalvo’s Voice, I think; Gervatio, conduct me to salute him.

Gons

By no means, my Lord, your condition excuses Ceremony, at all times
needless; the Duke commends him to you, he with much pains has got a famous
Oflawed-reproductionlist.

Bond

The Devil he has.

Aside.

Gerv

Now I thank thee Fortune, thou hast revenged me.

Aside.

Gons

Unwilling to lose the Advice of such a Pillar of the State, has took true
pains for an experienc’d Man.

Bond

I am much beholden to his Princely Care; but, my Lord, I look on this
Affliction sent from Heaven as a Judgment, and hope by Penitence to obtain from
thence a Remedy: You must know, my Lord, I beyond measure coveted the President
of Dalmatia’s place, nothing but that would suffice my Ambition; nay, Heaven
forgive me, I often wish’d his death.

Gerv

Oh, mercy upon me, was there ever such a Dissembler!

Aside.

Bond

Now mark the end: Just as the old President died this Darkness fell upon me; B2r 3
me; I have no Hopes in human Aid, but my own dear St. Silvester methoughts, in a
Dream, epress’d, his sacred Girdle might do me good.

Gons

The Dream is not to be neglected, nor the Duke’s Goodwill to regain the
loss of precious sight, both may be try’d, i’th’ Afternoon I’ll wait upon you with
the famous man, in the mean time I am your Lordship’s servant.

Exit Gonsalvo.

Bond

So Gervatio, what think you of your project now? I shall have a pragmatical
fellow poke my Eyes out indeed.

Gerv

Fear nothing, my Lord, I’ll do well enough with him. If I don’t fit you
Seignior for your drubbing, you shall call me John a Styles.

Aside.

Bond

Gervatio, lead me into the green Room, and see if my Wife and Daughter
are up, send ’em to me.

Gerv

It shall be done, my Lord.

Bond

Oh this damn’d Oculist, Gervatio!

Gerv

Pho, pho, I’ll banter him out of his senses.

Bond

Give me thy Hand, lest any of the Family should see us.

Exeunt. Scene draws, Ariana dressing, and Beatrice.

Aria

Ha’ done trifling, I’m well enough.

Beatr

You are indeed charmingly pretty, Madam.

Aria

Hou nauseous ’tis, and yet how natural ’tis to have our Women flatter us.
Well, Beatrice, here’s a wonderful alteration since my Father’s Blindness, I can put
on a new suit every day, and my Jewels, laid up only for the Festival of St. Mark,
may be worn now without a chiding.

Beatr

These are great privileges, Madam, yet ’tis a sad thing to think about how suddenly
my Lord was struck blind.

Aria

I swear so it is; but then remember, Beatrice, how he forbad Count Fidelio
to think on me, tho’ his Father was of Birth noble as mine, despis’d that Dross my
Father makes his God, and left his Son only a liberal Education and innate Courage,
which appears unknown to most of our Venetians.

Beatr

My Lord dares not deny him the House, because he is of the ancient Nobility,
and he has been an hour walking in the Garden, waiting your coming down,
and then, I suppose, gives my Lord the good morrow.

Aria

Well, ’tis a mischievous Rogue, he has so many Tricks before my Father,
yet can’t I forbear joyning, nor scarce keep the Laugh in.

Beatr

Confess Madam, are you really sorry at the Darkness has overtaken your
Father?

Aria

Why truly, Beatrice, I always say my Prayers for his Eyes restoration the
last thing I do, that is, just when I am falling asleep.

Enter Silvia.

Silv

Madam, my Lady sent me to tell you, your Father expects you with her
presently.

Aria

I’ll wait upon her, Silvia.

Exit Silvia.

That Mother-in-law of mine is a hopeful young Gentlewoman too; she takes Opportunity
by the Forelock, and makes all the haste she conveniently can to give my B2 old B2v 4
old Dad Horns instead of Eyes: Am not I a wicked Jade to wink at this? Why, I
don’t know, if I should betray her, she’d serve me the same sauce; besides, my Father
married the young Creature the perfect Venetian way, only for her Portion,
never saw one-another beforehand: I can’t but think what a fright she was in, to
behold an old Man with a grizled Beard instead of a brisk young fellow. Well, I
hope Heaven makes Allowances for such a case, and my Guilt won’t be great for
guessing at it.

Beatr

Your Ladiship considers what may befal your self another day, Madam.

Aria

God forbid Wench, I hope to marry my dear Fidelio, and that Woman
that takes a Man for Love deserves to be disgrac’d here, and damn’d hereafter, if
but her Inclinations waver, and she in Thought abuses him.

Beatr

Ay, but Madam, if your Father’s choice, my Lord Insuls should be forc’d
upon you.

Aria

Hang him, perfum’d Poltoon, I hate him worse than a Nunnery, where
they wear Hair Smocks.

Beatr

He comes this Afternoon to make his second visit; my Lady Temptyouth
says he’s a fine Gentleman.

Aria

He is indeed fit for her use: Well, ’tis a strange thing a Lady of her quality
should give her self the trouble, no she has pass’d the beaten Road of Wickedness
her self, to draw others in. My Mother has a good Friend of her; I
know my Father hates her, but his dear Interest prevails, she helps him to the purchase
of many a Prodigal’s Estate.

Beatr

Madam, you forget my Lady stays.

Enter Donna Olivia.

Aria

She’s here.

Oliv

How does my pretty Daughter to day? But why do I ask? you look fresh
and fair as the new-blown Rose.

Aria

When your Ladiship consults your Glass you’ll find a brighter, Madam.

Oliv

Fie upon you for a little Flatterer, what your Mother!

Aria

’Tis true, the Law calls you my Mother, but the World must be blind as
my Father, if they did not take us for Sisters.

Oliv

Well, your Father’s blindness is a dreadful thing, Ariana; why, he’ll never
suffer us to be out of the Room.

Aria

There is no Conveniency but has its Inconveniency, Madam.

Oliv

That’s true, come, we must to him.

Exeunt. Scene draws, and discovers Bondi in a Chair.

Bond

I have a fine melancholy Life on’t, thank my Stars; but should I discover
my self before this arch Rogue has brought matters about, I must be the laughingstock
of Venice, besides paying a swindging Fine for deceiving the Duke and Senate
in putting off the Government. ―― Boy.

Boy

My Lord.

Bond

Are not the Women ready?

Boy

My Lord, they are entering.

Enter Olivia and Ariana. Arian. B3r 5

Arian

Your Blessing, Sir.

Bond

Formality, I believe you mind your topping more than my Blessings, or
Heavens either.

Oliv

How are your Eyes, my Lord?

Bond

Not clear enough to see into your Heart, my Lady.

Oliv

Still angry!

Arian

Truly I hope purging my Fother’s Choler does him good, else surely he
would never practice it so often, but that he finds benefit by it.

Bond

Baggage!

Arian

Nay, I am out of the reach of your Cane, Sir; come, I would fain say
something to divert ye, the Spleen is very hurtful to your Eyes.

Enter a Servant.

Serv

Madam, my Lady Temptyouth is coming up.

Bond

That everlasting Tattler, I would retire and shun the noise, only my being
here perhaps may in part hinder your luscious Imagination from being tickled with
all the Intrigues of the City.

Enter Lady Temptyouth.

La. Tem

Good morrow, my Lord; good morrow my sweet Buds of Beauty.

Bond

Pray, my Lady Temptyouth, don’t put my Wife in amongst your Buds of
Beauty; if she is not five and twenty, she ought to apear like fifty, that’s fittest
for her, and would please me best.

La. Tem

Lord, you’re so captious: Well, I swear your Wife looks very handsom,
’tis for your sake she dresses, ’tis to look amiable in your Eyes.

Bond

Ay, now you’ve hit it.

La. Tem

Pox on him, I had forgot his blindness.

Aside.

I mean, she us’d to do; now, poor Lady, she’s like any Slattern. Here’s my little
Ariana appears as she had not look’d in a Glass to day.

Aria

Bare two hours I assure you, Madam.

Bond

Well said Pride, I have a good mind to have all the Glasses in the House
broke; no, sold I meant.

Pausing.

Aria

My Lord, my Actions never disobey you, pray allow me a little freedom
in speech.

Bond

She that’s so free of her Tongue, commonly is as free ――

La. Tem

Oh hold, my Lord, an immodest word, nay, any hint, tho’ never so
darkly, tending that way, drives me out of the Room.

Bond

Your Ladiship has then a quick apprehension.

La. Tem

Yes, I vow, my Lord, at a Play, when no Woman of Quality else has
found out a beastly wrapt-up thing, I han’t show’d my Face in a quarter of an hour.

Bond

Oh wondrous modesty!

La. Tem

My Lord, Count Dresswell has a Bank Note of Five hundred pound, he
can’t stay till the Bank pays, and would part with it for two hundred and fifty ready
Mony; will your Lordship meddle with it?

Bond

Let him send it to Gervatio, and he shall have his Mony.

La. Tem

I am always studying for your good; Lord, your Lady stands like any
Statue, I beg your pardon, I must rouse her: My Dear, Count Andrea dies for you; I swear B3v 6
I swear he was in such a condition, I could not forbear bringing this Letter from
him. But may your Daughter be trusted?

Takes her a one side.

Oliv

With my Life, or what’s dearer, my Honour.

La. Tem

Well, I swear he talks so passionately of ye, says such warm extravagant
things, he sets my old Blood a glowing like dying Coals blow’d by a strong
pair of Bellows.

Bond

What’s this long whisper, my Lady?

La. Tem

Only a Receipt for your Eyes, my Lord.

Bond

Then why may not I hear it?

La. Tem

There’s something so nauseous ’twill set you against using it. Read
your Letter, Child.

Bond

What paper is’t that russels?

La. Tem

Why, the Receipt, Simpleton: This man is so mistrustful. Well, but
Child, I can’t let this precious Receipt go out of my Hands for a thousand Worlds.

Oliv

I beg your pardon, madam, then I’ll copy it; nothing shall be neglected by
me that will help my Lord. A Pen and Ink there.

Bond

A Letter from her Gallant, and she’s a going to answer it; Hell and Furie!
I can’t bear it, nor can have remedy.

Aside storming.

La. Tem

Heavens! what’s the matter?

Bond

My Eyes smart intolerably.

La. Tem

Fretting, fretting; Lord, you must be patient. Madam, I beg you’d
be as quick as you can, for I’m in haste.

Oliv

Your Ladiship sees I’m about it.

Bond

Ah the Devil, and I see it too, and be hang’d to ye.

Aside.

When you have done, Gervatio shall read it to me.

Oliv

Gervatio is my mortal Enemy, what shall I do now, Madam?

Aside.

La. Tem

Pho, pho, write a scrip of paper good for the sight, put in “Eyebright”,
“White Rose-water”, and whatever comes in your Head.

Bond

Here’s mighty Consultation about this damn’d Receipt.

La. Tem

I tell you, my Lord, if you fret thus you’l never see again.

Bond

No matter, wou’d I could see what I wish.

La. Tem

What’s that?

Bond

The conflagration fall upon the Women first, and leave the Men by themselves
an Age longer.

La. Tem

Then they would be the nastiest, most helpless Creatures; ha, ha, ha.

Enter Boy.

Boy

Count Fidelio to wait upon your Honour.

Bond

Count Fiddlestick; Why did you not say I was busie?

La. Tem

Well, I vow, my Lord if you are thus froppish, all your Friends will
forsake ye, a dark Room will be fittest for you.

Bond

Friendship, there’s no such thing, Nature laid the Groundwork of Enmity
in every Mortal; indeed in some ’tis spiced over with Dissimulation; I hate this
man, and yet must speak him fair.

La. Tem

Why do ye hate him?

Bond

That’s a Secret.

Aria. B4r 7

Aria

Which I can guess at.

Aside. Enter Fidelio.

Now my turn’s a coming.

Fid

Your Lordship’s humble Servant; how does your Lordship to day?

Bond

Well in health, my Mind is like my Sight, oppressed.

Fid

I am sorry for it.

Oliv

Madam, there’s your Receipt with Thanks.

La. Tem

I wish it may do him good.

Bond

Yes, yes, I shall feel good on’t, methinks my Horns are sprouting already.

Aside.

Aria

Madam, can’t you engage my Father in a little Discourse, whilst I talk
with ――

Aside to Lady Temptyouth.

La. Tem

That young handsom fellow, thou art a Rogue; I’ll do’t, I warrant ye.
Well, you say you’l have the Bank Bill, my Lord.

Bond

I told you so once already.

La. Tem

Lord, you are so short one can’t speak to ye, tho ’tis for All this while
Count Fid. courts,
kneels, and talks
to Ariana.

your own good: I believe Count Dresswels Estate too, you may make
a good hole in’t if you will.

Bond

His Villa is very pretty, upon that he may have what Mony he pleases.
Damnation!

Bondi sees ’em.

La. Tem

What’s the matter with the man? I swear you made me start, why you
turn your Head about as if your Eyes were of use.

Bond

I shall be discover’d strait, was ever punishment like mine?

Aside.

Oliv

You are very uneasie, my Lord, can I do any thing for you?

Bond

Yes make me worse, I seldom ever knew a Wife bring Quiet or Content
to her Husband.

Oliv

This is my usage ever.

La. Tem

I wonder you are not asham’d, for a surly Devil; see, pish, you can’t see
how the poor Lady weeps.

Oliv

Ay, he is blind, and I believe he designs to make me cry my Eyes out to be
like him.

Bond

Oh the Devil! at this very minute she can scarce hold laughing. Aside.
You are very merry Daughter.

Ariana claps her Fan on Fidelio’s Shoulder.

Aria

I only drop’d my Fan, Sir.

Bond

My Lord Fidelio, how went the Votes in the Sentate yesterday concerning
the new Levies?

La. Tem

Fidelio! why he is gone, my Lord, he only gave you the good morrow,
and passed through the Room.

Aria

That’s well enough, I’ll swear.

Bond

This is abominable, but I must endure it.

Aria

Thou art a dear Angel; but, my Lady, cou’d not you contrive to get my
Father away? this Gentleman hath earnest business with me.

Aside to L Temprt.

La. Tem

Well, well, I’ll try at that too; but which way? Gad, I’ve got a Bottle
of Orange-water in my Pocket, I’ll make the old fool believe ’tis something
good for the Eyes, ’twill do him no hurt, only make ’em smart a little, that perhaps will induce him to lye down.

Aside. My B4v 8

My Lord, can you forgive me when I own I am the greatest Beast in the World?

Bond

I always thought you so. Aside What’s the matter, Madam?

La. Tem

Here’s a Bottle of precious Water, given me by the Dutchess, to
be applied at all times, and I quite forgot it, I swear; I have such a respect for
you, that at every place I am picking up something.

Bond

Yes, Gallants for my Wife. Aside
Madam, I’ll have none of your old Womens Medicines.

La. Tem

By your leave, my Lord, but you shall, I know the goodness on’t.

Bond

I tell you I will not.

Oliv

Pray, my Lord, be rul’d.

Bond

True Wife tho’ she cares not if I was deaf as well as blind, yet be sure to
be for any thing I am against.

La. Tem

Come, come, don’t tell me, I swear you shall wash your Eyes with it.

Bond

I swear I won’t.

La. Tem

By Heavens you shall, now I’ve sworn again, I’le see who’ll be master.

Bond

A Pox take ye; Oh the confounded pain! Boy, here He struggles in the Chair,
and she flings the Bottle of
Water in his Face.

lead me to my Couch, I must e’en send Gervatio to watch ’em,
that Woman will be the death of me.

Aside Exit lead.

La. Tem

Ha, ha, ha. So Ladies, what do ye think of me now?

Oliv

Oh, you are the best of Women.

Aria

Heavens! yonder’s Gervatio a coming, he is our mortal Foe, my Father
has sent him, he had as good have staid himself.

La. Tem

Let me alone, I’ll send him away, I’ll lay a Wager.

Aria

Fidelio, step behind the Skreen, whilst my Lady trys her Power, he’l tell
my Father you are with us.

Fid

I will, Madam; dear Lady Temptyouth, if thou canst effect this, I’ll have thy
Statue made in Brass.

La. Tem

Brazen-face! could you think of no other Metal? go, be gone.

Enter Gervatio.

Your Servant, good Don Gervatio, you are come luckily to receive my Instructions,
you must immediately carry to my Lord Dresswell Two hundred and fifty pounds,
and take his Bank Note for Five hundred.

Gerv

Your pardon, Madam, my Lord sent me to stay here.

La. Tem

And your pardon too, Sir; I am sure your Lord would not lose such a
Bargain; and he must have the Mony presently, or he’ll sell it to some-body else.

Oliv

Indeed I heard your Master say he would have it.

Gerv

He’s a flawed-reproduction may give me something flawed-reproduction on’t: he flawed-reproduction no Menflawed-reproduction
what should I stay for? Aside Well, I’ll cary it presently.

La. Tem

Presently, nay, you must go now, this very Instant, now.

Thrusting him out.

Gerv

What, does you Ladiship intend to ravish me?

La. Tem

When I thrust thee from me, Fool. Come, good Gervatio, make haste,
because I undertook my Lord’s business, and I love to go through stitch with any
thing I meddle with: Be speedy, come, I may do ye a Kindness another day.

Gerv

I must be gone, there’s no disputing with her.

Exit Gerv. La. Tem. C1r 9

La. Tem

Appear absconding Knight, appear.

Fid

Be gad, my Lady Temptyouth, you have charm’d me so, you shall have a Kiss
with as much Ardour as if you were but sixteen.

La. Tem

O sweet young Gentleman, Heavens bless him! You are happy, Madam:
Come, I must do more for you yet, Time’s precious; my Lady Olivia Bondi,
let you and I go into the Garden, and consult about that Receipt.

Oliv

You’l find what I have done in it is to your satisfaction. Daughter, your
Servant, I’ll keep your Father from sending for you as long as I can.

Aria

Madam, I am yours and my Lady Temptyouth’s most humble.

Fid

I am her Slave.

La. Tem

Well, you are a couple of dear Kittens, bless you both.

Exit with Olivia.

Aria

My Lord, you have talk’d of Flames and Fires, and Darts, and the Devil
and all, but how shall I be convinc’d ’tis not the Hundred thousand pound I am
like to be worth kindles these Fires and Passions?

Fid

Why faith, Madam this way; let’s marry without your Father’s Consent,
and he’l turn us out of doors, then I’ll beg for ye, fight for ye, starve for ye, dye
for ye.

Aria

Thou art an honest Lad, but I don’t like starving, ’twill be apt to take
away all your Appetites, and you won’t care for me.

Fid

Oh no, my Love to thee is implanted in my Soul, and were my youthful
Arms reduced to very Bones with the worn Skeleton, I should hug thee to my
Heart, as my chiefest Blessing and divinest Treasure.

Aria

’Tis pretty to hear a young fellow one loves talk thus, but this wont do,
Love and Plenty crown the circling Year with Pleasure; but where either’s wanting,
Content scarce ever appears. Is it impossible to get Gervatio to our party?
He is cunning, and can rule my Father.

Fid

I’ll try; but, Oh! ――

Aria

You want a Bribe; come, be not asham’d of your poverty, since your noble
Father wasted his Fortunes in being always in Arms for the defence of his
Country against our common Enemy the Turks, the ungrateful Senate ought to
have took you to their care; but since neglected, accept of this without a blush.

Gives a Purse.

Fid

Bound by innumerable Charms, by Obligations unaccountable, when I cease
to love thee, may Heaven and all my Peace of Mind forsake me.

Aria

Try Gervatio, tell him that I’ll for ever be his Friend.

Fid

Madam, I will with joy, and urge whatever eager love can to my Soul suggest.

Enter Beatrice.

Beatr

Madam, my Master raves for you like one mad.

Aria

Then I must go.

Fid

My Lord Insulls, that Rival; but why name I him? I know your noble Soul
despises him.

Aria

Rest in that secure, I loath the man, my Father’s power shall force my
Death sooner than Consent: farewell.

C Fid. C1v 10

Fid

’Tis Death to part, tho’ but for a moment; Is there a time, is there that
white day in Fate when I shall call thee Wife? let others scoff, think the Matrimonial
Bonds uneasie term it

A Hell, a Pit, an endless painful Snare,

The Heaven I covet is to wed my Fair.

Exeunt severally.

The End of the First Act.

Act II.

Scene changes. Enter Olivia and Lady Temptyouth.

Oliv

Well, your Importunity and the Count’s has prevail’d, I’ll vow I blush
to think on’t, through a back-door into the Garden, the hour that my
Husband sleeps, a young Gentleman; faith, Madam, ’tis very scandalous.

La. Tem

Fiddle faddle, scandalous! if you have the Pleasure, much good may
do the World with the Scandal.

Oliv

You’ll stay with me, Madam.

La. Tem

Yes, yes, Madam; I left my poor Girl at home not well on purpose to
come.

Oliv

What kin is that young Lady to you, Madam?

La. Tem

Her Mother was my Friend, to tell ye the truth, she is a Bastard, I have
bred up several, and help’d ’em all to good Husbands, or Gallants, which is better.

Oliv

A charitable Lady you are. Hark! I hear a noise, ’tis he, I swear I shall
blush to death.

La. Tem

I never heard of any-body dy’d of that Disease; here’s the man, look
what a well-built person ’tis.

Enter Count Andrea.

And

Ladies, your Servant.

Oliv

Did you come in unobserv’d, my Lord?

And

Yes, Madam; but I’ve had a little misfortune, I’ve broke the Key in the
Door, and know not how I shall get out again.

La. Tem

Here’s a Fool now is taking care to get out before he is well in, mind
your business, I’ll get ye out, I warrant ye.

And

Pardon me, Madam, ’tis my dear Olivia’s Honour I am careful of; for my
self, I’d wade ten thousand Dangers only to touch this beautious Hand.

La. Tem

Why that’s well said, kiss it now, or else you do nothing.

And

A thousand and a thousand times.

La. Tem

Well, I’ll in, and watch the old man’s motions.

Oliv. C2r 11

Oliv

You won’t leave me, Madam.

La. Tem

Indeed but I will, I cannot stay a moment longer.

Exit Lady Temptyouth.

And

Shall we waste the time in talk, Olivia? Need I tell thee how much I love
thee? Wast thou not torn from my longing Arms by an inhuman Father, and given
to the wither’d ones of richer Bondi? Yet tho’ I am denied whole Draughts of
Love, I’ll snatch the precious Cordial when the blest minute gives it, and devour it
eagerly.

Embracing her.

Oliv

Away, my Lord, think whose I am, think of my sacred vow, I dare not
break it.

And

Your Vows first were made to me, no matter whose you are, this hour is
mine, and shall be spent in richest Love, Love that has so well reveng’d my Cause,
and as your cruel Lord snach’d her from these fond Eyes, so Fate has now depriv’d
him of his own, he only cannot view your unequal Charms, which dart on
every wishing gazer Joy.

Oliv

If Judgments do hang upon my wretched Lord, shall I by Falshood wound
deeper than his Fate?

And

Who e’er crys out of pain they neither feel nor apprehend? Think Olivia,
my Olivia, for I will please my self, and call thee mine; think the vast Charity,
the mighty Kindness, that saves my Life, and hurts not Bondi.

Oliv

The man is mad, to bid a Woman think; no, talking Deluder, when we
think we never yield. Now I have thought on the fatal consequence, and resolved
from this minute to grow wife; that I have took the opportunity of my Husband’s
blindness, and seen you often, was due to your injurious Wrongs; for
witness those Stars that smiled not on our plighted Faiths, I ever found you constant,
and I lov’d you for it.

And

Oh sweet Confession! and if you love me, will you not bless me too?
the Argus Eyes of Jealousie are useless, the watchful Dragon that should guard the
golden Fruit now sleeps for ever.

Oliv

But Angel, Honour is still awake, that secures my beating Heart, yet I
will fly the charming sounds that are familiar there, but do not follow me, I charge
ye, do not, lest ye meet the everlasting Anger of my Eyes.

Exit.

And

Not follow thee, when my Veins are all on fire! yes,

Thro’ every Path of this delightful Grove,

Till my warm Sighs her Honour shall remove,

And fill her panting Breast with yielding Love.

Exit. Scene changes to the inside of the House. Enter Gervatio, a Servant to him.

Serv

Seignior Gonsalvo sends word, the Oculist is sick, and cannot come till tomorrow.

Gerv

Hum, ―― then my Revenge is lost, for the Girdle comes before that C2 time. C2v 12
time. Did not I see Actwell cross the Court just now into the Kitchin?

Serv

Yes, Sir.

Gerv

Call him to me.

Exit Serv.

That fellow that plays tricks for his Victuals, perhaps, for a Pistole, may do my
business; my Lord knows him not.

Enter Actwell and Servant.

Leave us.

To the Servant
Exit Servant.

Actw

What’s to be done now? What am I sent for to Master Steward?

Aside.

Gerv

Actwell, my Lord, was to have a famous Oculist come to day, and he just
sent word, he cannot; ’twill put my Lord so damnably out of humour, there will be
no enduring it; cannot you pretend to be the Oculist, get a Launcet, look into
his Eyes, talk Nonsense, make him believe you’ll do Wonders, but when it comes
to the upshot, I’ll enter, and prevent your touching him? You must say you came
from the Duke and Gonsalvo; I’ll give thee a Pistole.

Actw

I thank you, Sir, I am daily obliged here, I believe I could do it well
enough, only I don’t understand those damn’d cramp words those Quacks
have.

Gerv

O say any thing: half an hour hence come to the Wardrobe, I’ll give you
an old-fashion’d Cloak, that you may look like an experienc’d man full of
Years.

Actw

I will, Sir; the Film, the Tenders, the Devil, I’ll look into a Book of
Anatomy, and get some terms from thence; I will be sure to wait upon you, Sir.
This was happy for poor Actwell.

Exit.

Gerv

To fright him, is that all for such an intolerable caring? Gad, if the
Devil was not wanting in a Temptation, I could do him a greater Mischief.

Enter Fidelio.

Fid

Your Servant, Don Gervatio.

Gerv

Sir, my Lord’s asleep.

Fid

’Tis you, not your Lord; I am come to ―― but e’re I tell my Suit, receive
this Purse, a young Lady’s present.

Gives the Purse.

Gerv

You banter me.

Fid

Indeed I don’t Gervatio, you can see, tho’ Melito Bondi’s blind and might
have seen, I live but for Ariana’s sake, the kind Maid meets my Flames, and generoussly
returns ’em; my wretched Fortune hinders me from following the way
my Love proposes, taking her my only Blessing from her Father; ’tis in your
power, Gervatio, to assist us in making up, if but a moderate fortune, you can
perswade, decoy, do any thing with the old man..

Gerv

The Temptation I wish’d for is come. Aside.

My Lord, your Offers are made in a happy time, for I was just designing to wait
on the young Lady, and proffer her my Service.

Fid

Are you real?

Gerv

By all that’s good I am, my Master has beat me into a right understanding.

Fid. C3r 13

Fid

What shall we do with this Lord Insuls, Gervatio?

Gerv

Why, as he’s made of Cork, we’l set him a floating, and return him to
the rest of the mercurial Gentlemen in his own Country. Well, my Lord, leave
your Affairs to me, and if I don’t bring Ariana to your Arms, and more Bags than
three Men can carry, my Ears shall be at your mercy.

Fid

Well, thou art a dear Rogue, and shall command my Fortunes.

Gerv

My Master rings; trust to me, and be happy.

Fid

Your Servant.

Gerv

Yours.

Exeunt severally. Scene draws, and discovers Bondi a rousing from a Couch, a Boy
with him.

Bond

Where’s my Wife and Daughter?

Enter Lady Temptyouth and Ariana.

La. Tem

Here, here, my Lord. Well, I believe your Wife is the best of Women,
we three have been all at work in the outer Room, and I’ll swear poor Olivia
look’d in upon you twenty times, she is so fond, for all you are a naughty man,
and use her so barbarously.

Aria

Well said Telltruth.

Aside.

Bond

Here’s a Tale of a Tub indeed, where is she now?

La. Tem

I fancy gone to take a turn in the Garden.

Bond

Boy, go call her.

La. Tem

What’s the Boy a Fool? ’Tis not convenient for him to go, he
shan’t go.

Bond

Heyday! my Lady Temptyouth, are you to order every thing in my
House?

La. Tem

I will order things when Decency requires; look to end Disputes,
here the good Lady comes.

Enter Olivia.

Oliv

I heard the Bell had rung, and hasten’d to my Dear.

Bond

My Devil.

Oliv

Such Answess would make a Woman mad.

La. Tem

You have got a pure colour, Olivia.

Aside to Olivia.

Oliv

Pho, walking apace.

But, my Lady, how shall I get him out, there’s no opening that Door and the other
way lies through this Room?

La. Tem

why, what’s he afraid on, isn’t my Lord blind, where is the Fool?

Oliv

Speak softly, walking at the Door.

La. Tem

Let me come by; Who have we here? my French Taylor has follow’d
me hither about the Girl’s Stays; Oh the Impudence of these Country-men!
Monsieur, go to my House agen, I’ll come home presently.

Count C3v 14 Count Andrea passes over the Stage, and kisses Olivia’s Hand.

And

Pardon a moy, Madam.

La. Tem

Pardon a moy kether, rude Brute! I’m sure I am not like most Quality,
I owe him nothing.

Bond

Count Andrea, my Wife’s first Love! Oh, the Garden, the Devil! curst,
curst Gervatio.

La. Tem

What mean these starts of Passion? do you want Gervatio?

Bond

I want a Halter.

La. Tem

Wou’d you had one then, you’re cross enough to deserve it.

Bond

Some-body, I’m sure, does.

Enter a Servant.

Serv

My Lord Insuls is just arriv’d.

Bond

Let me desire all this Company, except my Daughter, to retire, I’ve
made up the business with my Lord’s Father, there wants nothing but a Visit or
two, which formality requires: Come, Mrs. Crooked-rib, will you walk into the
next Room?

Oliv

I’m ready to wait on you.

Aria

Oh, my Lady Temptyouth, now my Plague’s a coming.

Aside.

La. Tem

Have Patience, Child, and I’ll send Fidelio to thy aid.

Bond

D’ye hear, Mistress, receive this Lord as the man I have unalterably resolv’d
shall be your Husband.

Aria

Yes, Sir.

Bond

Yes, Sir; what a tone’s that in! I think you’re but too well, and Estate, a
Title, and an handsom fellow.

Aria

Pray add an empty Pate.

Bond

Goodlack, Mrs. Flippant, any other Woman would have leapt at him;
upon my Blessing use him as he deserves. Come, my Lady Temptyouth.

Exeunt all but Ariana.

Aria

As he deserves, that is to be cudgel’d. Now I had rather have the Visits
of fifty Gossips from a drunken Christening, than the Plague of this Prince of
Fops: Hang it, I’ll bridle my Inclination, let him run on with his Vanity, then
burst my Sides with laughing at him.

Enter my Lord Insuls, with several Attendants.

Ins

This is prodigiously opportune, by the Muses, to find your Ladiship alone,
Powderwell, adjust my Garnature, I beg your Ladiships Pardon, that I do any thing
of this kind before your Ladiship; but there was an uncivil Wind, as I passed
the great Court, has blown me into the very disabilee, of the vile
Mob.

Aria

I can’t perceive an Error in your Lordships Dress.

Ins

Your Ladiships very humble Servant, by the Muses, I am all in confusion; I
beg your Ladiships Pardon takes out his Pocket-glass.
For this freedom before you, but ’tis that I would not appear negligent in your
Ladiships presence.

Aria. C4r 15

Aria

What a nauseous Fool ’tis. Aside

My Lord, methinks you’re very well.

Ins

’Tis your goodness, Madam, poison me if I don’t look like a Carrman;
I look most abominably, by the Muses: Was your Ladiship Never in France,
Madam?

Aria

No, my Lord.

Ins

There a Man will keep his Chamber three days, if his Complexion is out of
order; they are not arriv’d to that nicety of Perfection here.

Aria

’Tis pitty your Lordship does not instruct our young Nobility.

Ins

I am not sparing of my Advice, Madam; some I find very tractable, there’s
my Lord Dresswell has consulted my Judgment in laying out above a brace of thousand
pounds in Clothes, I believe the World, especially the Ladies, will own ’tis
to his advantage.

Aria

Yes, and a good help towards spending his Estate, which, I’m inform’d,
will be gone before he’s five and twenty. Aside.

None doubts your Lordships skill in those Affairs.

Ins

But of all the moving lumps of Earth, commend me to the English, those
awkward Imitators, by the Muses, Madam, there’s scarce one in ten understands
the Dress, the Dancing, the Singing, those chief parts of a Man of Quality;
the Duce take me if I was not afraid they had infected me, and when I return’d
into France, liv’d a whole month retir’d, had all my Masters, practis’d
every Coupee before I durst appear among the Ladies; yet, by the Muses, I
know not how long I shunn’d my self; methought I had the Brutal Plague upon
me. I beg your Ladiships Pardon for troubling you with a description of the dull
Northern fellows.

Aria

Every thing your Lordship says is agreeable, I observe very pretty Asse­ veration you have, by the Muses.

Ins

Does your Ladiship like it? Indeed I think it sounds better in the mouth of
a Man of Quality than “Damn me, Rot me,” and such Porter-like Expressions.

Aria

Oh, better much, my Lord; I have a shrewd suspicion you that mention
the Muses so often have a familiar acquaintance with ’em, and write.

Ins

I write like a man of Quality, to please my self.

Aria

I dare swear ’twill ne’er please any-body else. Aside

Wou’d not your Lordship oblige me with the sight of some entertaining
Poetry?

Ins

By no means, I beg your Ladiship’s Pardon, ’twill spoil Conversation, I
can send your Ladiship several gilt Quires scribbl’d over, if you Ladiship’s a
lover on’t; most of what I write is Satyr upon ill drest fellows, and then, by the
Muses, the nauseous Subject makes me so sick, I cannot forbear being spiteful too,
and criticise upon what others write.

Aria

That’s the fault of all great Wits, methinks their good Nature should
balance their Judgment.

Ins

Good Nature, Madam, why that’s only the civiler word for a Fool: If your
Ladiship did but see in France how the poor Poets at a new Play sneak, and wou’d creep C4v 16
creep into an Augur-hole; when I come in, by the Muses, I have often wish’d my
my self a Woman, that I might have gone in a Mask, and not frighten the little
Dogs (that write for Bread) out of their Wits.

Aria

Does your Lordship never write Plays?

Ins

Yes, often, but I could never get either of the Houses to play one.

Aria

What’s the reason of that?

Ins

Can’t your Ladiship guess?

Aria

No, I protest.

Ins

It will favour too much of Vanity to tell youu.

Aria

Pray, my Lord, you have set me a longing.

Ins

I must run the risque of every thing, rather than deny a Lady: Then truly,
Madam, I believe they think, and that wisely, should they once play a Play of mine
no other would ever be receiv’d afterwards, and, you know, a man of Quality can’t
be their Drudge.

Aria

Very true, that is a substantial Reason.

Ins

But, Madam, I know not how you have betray’d me into these things, when
I design’d to have imploy’d my minutes much more agreeably, in telling your Ladiship,
I adore you to an infinite degree.

Aria

His Courtship will be worse than all the rest of his Nonsence, Heaven send
me a deliverance. Aside

My Lord, a person of your merit cannot value one so unpolish’d, Nature has neglected
me, and I have neglected Art.

Ins

Oh fie, Madam, this is Blasphemy, they are both Rivals in your Perfections.
But were it what you say, which I positively deny, by the Muses, when I have the
Honour to call you mine, I say, if you did want Instructions, the rectitude of your
Dress should be my care.

Aria

Rude Fool, I have no patience. Aside.

Ins

Madam, you seem uneasie.

Aria

It’s want of Breeding then.

Ins

Gad, I believe so too, for I never saw a Woman in my company so before.
Madam, you’l break your Fann. Aside.

Aria

No matter, ’tis paid for.

I can act the dissembling part no longer. aside.

Ins

She’s strangely alter’d, jealous she can’t keep me to her self; her Fancy’s at
work; there’s nothing out of order in my Wig sure.

Pulls out his Glass. Enter Fidelio.

Aria

Oh Fidelio, do something, do any thing to that Animal, and let me be
gone, for I am teased to death.

Exit Ariana.

Fid

Gad, I know not what to do but affront him; flatter him I can’t, ’tis not
in my Nature.

Ins

Every Hair, I protest, is in as perfect Symmetry as my Features, as I was
saying, Madam.

Fid

As I was going to say, Sir.

Ins. Sir, D1r 17

Ins

Sir! hey, what rude Brute have we here? Aside.

Friend, wou’d you speak with my Gentleman, or the Groom of my Chambers?
there they stand both.

Fid

There let ’em be damn’d both; no, ’tis you, Essence and no Brains, I speak
to; Shadow of a Man, vainer than Woman, emptier than the Plumes thou
wear’st. Thou thing, dost thou pretend to court that Lady which went out just now?

Ins

If the Lady went away, I suppose she knew you better than I, and avoided
so rough a fellow.

Fid

Insolent!

Ins

Something near my Name, tho’ still without my Title.

Fid

Well, Sir.

Ins

Barbarous!

Fid

Did you not receive a Letter signed “Fidelio”, which told you my Birth was
noble as the first Venetians, tho my sunk Fortunes were now my Foe, yet Ariana,
that all-generous Maid, through my dejected Poverty smiled on my constant Love,
and gave me Hopes. I beg ye to desist, else let you know, that my Life must first
be had before the glorious Prize; read you not that Letter?

Ins

Something I do remember of such a Paper, but I saw it was a Man’s Hand,
and gave it my Valet to peruse, and asking him if there was any thing in it to divert
me, he said, No; so I ne’er thought on’t more.

Fid

Now you have heard the Contents, pray dismiss your numerous Attendants,
and meet or go with me to the Field that lies behind the Lemon-Grove, where this
Dispute shall instantly be ended.

Ins

What’s the man mad? wouu’d ye have me fight in this Wig?

Fid

Why not?

Ins

Oh Heaven’s! any thing towards a violent motion would raise such a Dust
out on’t, I shou’d be kill’d in a mist.

Fid

Pho, pho, we’ll call at my Lodgings, and you shall put on one of mine.

Ins

Poison me if ever I heard the like, prithee where dost think I was bred?
wear another man’s Wig, when the best Barber in Venice knows, that after he has
alter’d, amended, reform’d, and modell’d a new Wig for me half a Year, it is with
much perswasion I try it.

Fid

Here’s a deal of Nonsence, come, what a pox must we do then, for fight
you I am resolv’d, or kick and post you thro’ the Streets of Venice.

Ins

By the Muses, I know not what to say; in France I have a Campaign for the
bloody purpose, ’tis so necessary, yet so becoming, several Marsnals of France have
been ready to pull me to pieces for it; there I have also fighting Shoes, fighting
Gloves, fighting Sword, &c. and, in fine, can in a moment be equipp’d flawed-reproductionChevalier:
Travelling now like a Man of Quality, and to obtain my Mistress, I left my War-
like Habiliments behind; if you’ll have Patience, I’ll send post for ’em.

Fid

Incorrigible Fool! No, Sir, I give you but till to morrow to answer me,
and that you may be sure not to forget the Affront, there’s a Remembrance upon
your Nose, tweaks him by the Nose
and another upon your backside. kicks him.
and a warm one for your Cheek. gives him a box on the Ear.

D Ins. Well, D1v 18

Ins

Well Tarpaulin, Monster, half Fish half Man, I’ll be reveng’d, I will Villain,
there’s those shall punish ye; hey my Attendants.

Exit Lord Insuls.

Fid

Now this fellow goes directly to my Ariana’s Father; sure her Love will
inspire me to counterplot one Rival-fool.

By Force or Wit his Claim he shall decline;

If Heaven is just, the Virgin must be mine.

The End of the Second Act.

Act III.

Scene draws. Bondi sitting in a Chair. Enter Ariana, near the Audience.

Aria

Humph, my Father here already! I did not think he had been come into
this Room; he can’t see me, and I will steal softly through, he
shan’t hear me neither. Aside.

As she’s about the middle of the Stage.

Bond

Who’s there?

Aria

What shall I do now? I’ll counterfeit Madge the Dairy-maid’s Voice, for
if he knows me, I shan’t get from him the Lord knows when. Aside.

Speaks broad.

’Tis I, my Lord, I did not think any of the Gentry had been come into this Parlour,
so I went this way to serve my Pullein; Ise warrant Ise come no more here.

Runs stamping off, Bondi throws his Cane after her.

Bond

Oh, dissembling Baggage? Are all blind men servd thus? Two such Women
as my Wife and Daughter are enough to make twenty Men mad.

Enter a Servant.

Serv

My Lord, some Company from the Duke, and with them the famous
Oculist Gonsalvo spoke of.

Bond

So, now my greatest Misfortune is falling upon me. Aside.

Call my Family together, and go to Gervatio, bid him, as he values his Life, consider
what I said to him, and hasten to me.

Exit Servant.

The Imposture known, Boys will hoot me out of Venice; then, to have an unskilfulskilful D2r 19
Man put me to intolerable pain, perhaps real Blindness, Stamps
Oh! I shall go mad.

Enter Olivia, Actwell dress’d like a Doctor, and several others.

I know not a Face of those, sure my Friends are afraid to come, the Operation is
so dangerous. Aside.

Oliv

How d’ye, my Dear, were you in a passion just now?

Bond

I found by Instinct you were near me, and that made me Horn mad.

Oliv

Humph, I am a Fool to speak to you at all.

Bond

You are a Fool, a gross one, because you dissemble poorly; but, blind as
I am, I can see thro’ it.

Oliv

What does he mean? he can’t be jealous of Count Andrea, because he never
saw him. Aside.

Well, my Dear, I consider your Condition, and will bear with your peevish Humour.
Here’s some Gentlemen, and a famous Oculist, sent by the Duke, to look into your
Eyes.

Bond

Peace, Scriech-owl, I am in pain enough already.

Oliv

I hope he will give you ease, my Lord.
Sir, please to look into my Husband’s Eyes.

Actw

Fear not, my Lord, putting your self into my Hands, shou’d I, or some
of those Gentlemen that have travel’d with me, recount the Wonders I have done,
you wou’d rejoyce at your good Fortune in meeting with me. There’s the Emperor
of Germany’s Aunt, threescore and ten, was led about stone blind twenty
Years; I came, and in a few weeks time made so perfect a Cure, that she has since
work’d her Nephew a Point Cravat. I take out Specks where no body else can
see ’em.

Bond

That will be my Case. Aside.

Actw

Oh, the sweet Duke of Tuscany! what a Film did I clear his Eyes of! the
Good of Mankind prevail’d with me, or else ’twas hard to get from him.

Bond

Mr. Doctor, I don’t doubt your Skill, but I had rather wait the Will of
Heaven for the restoring my Sight.

Actw

By your Leave, my Lord, I am Heaven’s Instrument, and here’s the Duke’s
Command to do my best for you. Gentlemen, draw near, and hold him in the
Chair, while I look in his Eyes.

Bond

I shall be murder’d here.

Struggles.

Oliv

Pray, my Dear, be rul’d.

Bond

Jezebel!

Actw

Ay, ay, here it is, a huge Speck, just growing on the Ball of his Sight,
the worst of black Catarachs, but I shall out with him: let’s see, how is t’other
Eye? Oh Lorder, further gone! Well, you may bless your Stars that you met with
me as you did, or else you had never seen in this World agen.

Bond

I am contented with my present condition, and desire to speak with the
Duke before you meddle with me.

D2 Actw. My D2v 20

Actw

My Lord, your condition is a desperate condition, and the Duke shall see
some of my Art before you speak with him.

Looking out his Instruments.

Bond

Oh the Devil! I shall be ruin’d, where’s this Dog Gervatio?

Aside.

Actw

When I have couched your Eyes, my Lord, you must lye upon your Back
for six weeks, and be fed with nothing but a Feather.

Bond

Oh!

Enter Ariana and Fidelio.

Aria

Why you us’d him most inhumanly, I fear he’l complain to the old Gentleman.
Heyday, what have we here, my Father in the hands of the Philistins!
Stay, don’t you speak till some time after me. What’s the matter, Sir?

Bond

So, here’s another of my Comforts, with her Beggar at her Tail. Aside.

The matter! here’s a Fellow will Mangle my eyes whether I will or no.

Fid

Can I serve you, Sir?

Bond

Yes, if you I beat that fellow.

Actw

How! beat me, that have the Badges of all the Princes of Europe, Asia,
Africa, and America! Come, come, I find my Lord’s mad; pray, Gentlemen, help
me to bind him in his Chair.

Bond

Murder, murder! then, to tell you the truth, I am not blind.

Gervatio entering.

Gerv

Nay, then ’tis time for me to appear.

Aside.

Bond

I tell you I am not blind.

Actw

Pho, pho, this is only his fear.

Oliv

Nothing else, you may assure your selves.

Aria

Well said, Mother, I think you may be pretty confident on’t, for no man
that cou’d have seen would have had Patience to have born what you have acted
before his Face.

Gerv

Make way there, let me come at my dear-lov’d Master, the sacred Girdle
of St. Silvester, brought by two holy Men, is just arriv’d; a new unusual Light
struck thro’ the Hall, and I could see as if I had ten pairs of Eyes, so light, so glorious
was the place; ’tis lodg’d i’th’ Chappel, whither the Priests desire you all to
repair, and invoke the power of the Saint.

Actw

A Pox of those Miracles; d’ye hear, if your Saint does you no good, don’t
send for me, for, by Belzebub, I’ll not come at ye.

Gerv

Rarely perform’d, I’ll speak with ye by and by.

Aside.
Exit Actwell.

Bond

Thy Hand, Gervatio, I tremble every Joynt of me; thou art a Rogue, but
I forgive thee. Come, Gentlewomen, tho’ I believe your Prayers signifie but little.

Exeunt Bondi and Gervatio.

Aria

Madam, what think you of this miraculous Girdle?

Oliv

I don’t use to have a great Opinion of those things, but we shall see what
Wonders this will do.

Fid. D3r 21

Fid

I think the whole Story is all a Wonder.

Oliv

When your Father cry’d out, he was not blind, I was terribly frighted.

Aria

I believe you was, Madam.

Fid

I’ll try to engage Gervatio farther in our Interest, then we shall know all.

Aria

Come, come, if we stay longer, I’m sure we shall be miss’d.

Exeunt. Scene changes to my Lady Temptyouth’s House, Lucinda at a
Dressing-Table.
Enter Lady Temptyouth.

La. Tem

How is it, my Blossom? Let me see, has not sitting up at the Ball last
night spoil’d thy Complexion? No, not a bit: Oh, I cou’d kiss thy pretty Eyes
out.

Lucin

How can your Ladiship tell my Complexion is not spoil’d? I have got
both my white and red on, Madam.

La. Tem

Oh, that’s nothing Chicken, there’s a Vivacity strikes through, and thy
pretty Eyes are as sprightly, as if thou hadst drank Nectar this Morning. Come,
what Conquests did you make last night? You know there lies my Pleasure, to
hear of your Victories.

Lucin

There was my Lord Dresswell said a thousand foolish things to me.

La. Tem

Pho, hang him, he’s going down the World, he’s neither fit for Husband
nor Cully; think not of him, I charge thee, Lucinda.

Lucin

I shall never think of any without your Ladiships directions.

La. Tem

That’s my good Girl; well, but was there none else?

Lucin

Yes, there was the Duke’s second Son, he only blush’d when he came near
me, trembled when he touch’d my Hand, danc’d with such concern, that I thought
he would have fallen.

La. Tem

Ha, ha, ha, the Fool’s in love, I’ll put him down in my Table-book, he
may prove considerable.

Lucin

As for the rest, some swore they hated me, others I was not pretty; so
thro’ a Medly of Confusion every one endeavour’d to express their Admiration.

La. Tem

Thou art a dear, dear Charmer; well, I swear I love thee better than
any of the little creatures I ever brought up before.

Lucin

I thank my best Mother.

La. Tem

Nay, thy own Mother was a pure good Woman, only her barbarous
Friends turn’d her out of Doors for having such a pretty Rogue as thee: I kept
her, poor Lady, till she died.

Enter a Servant.

Serv

My Lady Olivia Bondi sends to tell your Honour, That St. Silvester’s wonderful
Girdle has restor’d my Lord Bondi’s Sight, for which, at present, they are
paying their Devotions this Afternoon, the Duke’s Musick, Balls, and all Divertisementstisements D3v 22
Venice will afford, fill my Lord Bondi’s House; the Ladies desire your Honour’s company, and the fair Lucinda’s.

La. Tem

Wel wait upon them, our Service to the Ladies.

Exit Servant.

Poor Olivia, her crass Husband’s seeing will be but bad for her and Count Andrea:
Hang’t, ’tis setting our Inventions a little more upon the stretch, and we shall outwit
him still. Ha! I have a Thought come into my Head for thy advantage, Lucinda.
Here, Tifflewell, bring my Girl’s best Head, and all her Jewels. Oh, Lucinda,
if thou canst play one part to a Masterpiece, I don’t doubt making thy Fortunes
for ever.

Enter Tifflewell with the things.

Ah, Tifflewell! now show thy utmost Art, and make thy Mistress charming as an
Angel.

Tiff

I warrant ye, Madam, such a piece of Youth and Beauty to work upon, and
fine Clothes, let me alone to make an Angel of her.

La. Tem

If thou canst but humour it.

Lucin

Give me Instructions, Madam, I am not accounted backward.

La. Tem

No, no, thou’rt a dear forward Girl as Heart can wish; this would
oblige our Friends, prove an everlasting Provision for your self, and ravish me with
Joy.

Lucin

But yet you won’t tell me what it is.

La. Tem

Dear Tifflewell, put another Jewel here.

Tiff

Pray your Honour let me have my own Fancy first.

La. Tem

Lucinda shall sing, and Lucinda shall dance, and if they two, both in
perfection, won’t charm himk, the Devil’s in’t.

Lucin

Sing and dance, is that all? I have done that often enough to no purpose
already.

La. Tem

Yes, yes, thou shalt do more than that, my dear Chicken, can’t you
put on a world of Affectation?

Lucin

With all the ease in the World: Alas, Madam, It was born with me, and
I have as much ado in some measure to overcome it, as I have my Inclinations towards
the eating green Fruit.

La. Tem

Affectation is a mighty Art, my Dear, and those pretty Eyes must be
manag’d a thousand several ways, severe, languishant, ogling, darting their Beams,
cast around, and if they chance to meet, a Lover’s thrown with wondrous haste and
modesty into your snowy Bosom.

Lucin

My Eyes, dear Mother, ever were at my Command, but never let Fools
in them read my Heart: Thus I have look’d upon the man I scorn’d, thus on him
I would not have believe my Love impossible, tho’ hard, to gain; kind and coming
Looks I seldom use, I’m not arriv’d at that Age yet.

La. Tem

Dear Girl, you Aptness prevents the Care I would have undergone in
your Directions, but you must be very sure to rail, commend neither Man nor Woman,
either in their Persons or Dress, except my Lord, to whom you are are all the
while addressing.

Lucin. D4r 23

Lucin

I am glad ’tis a Lord, for I hate to take pains about a fellow that has no
Title.

La. Tem

He has not only a Title, but an Estate, and every thing I cou’d wish for
thee; Are you quite ready?

Lucin

Yes, Madam, do I look killing?

La. Tem

Like a Cherubim; come along.

Exeunt. Enter Count Andrea and Olivia.

Andr

Oh my Olivia! Bondi’s Sight restor’d deprives me ever of the Light of
those dear Eyes: I ne’er believ’d those Miracles told by canting Priests, now Heaven,
to punish my Incredulity, has sent one that robs me of all my Bliss, and nothing
but the crowd, the noise of this wondrous Girdle brought, could have gain’d
my Admittance now.

Oliv

My Lady Temptyouth is our Friend; beside, these warm Desires will soon
grow cool, and then you will be glad of an Excuse.

Andr

Never, Olivia, never; my Youth, my Life, my Fortunes, all are dedicated
to thee.

La. Tem

within I say, my Lord, you shall not press into your Ladies Chamber
till she has word we are here.

Bond

withinSure this Woman intends to vex me stark mad.

Oliv

Oh Heavens, my Husband! what shall we do?

Andr

I’le get into the Closet.

Oliv

Alas, he has the Master-key.

Bond

within’Tis but in vain, Heaven has restor’d my Eyes, and I will see
what is done in my House.

Oliv

Good my Lord, under my Toylet, quick, quick.

Enter Lady Temptyouth, Bondi, and Lucinda.

La. Tem

And what wou’d you see now, your good Lady all alone, returning
Heaven Thanks, I dare swear, for the wonderous Blessing you have receiv’d.

Bond

I’m sure I saw the glipse of a Man follow her to her Chamber.

Oliv

A Man with me!

La. Tem

Pho, Child, ’tis Jealousie, he takes thy Shadow for a Man.

Bond

I’le look into this Closet, but not enter it, lest you juggle him from under
your Petticoats.

Olivia makes signs to Lady Temptyouth, that he is under the Toylet.

La. Tem

Come, is your Maggot over? will you down into the Dining-room,
hear the practice of Musick, and my Lucinda shall give you a Dance.

Bond

Dancing be damn’d, I’d as live see a Monkey leap from Tree to Tree.

La. Tem

Not even his Eyes agen will put this man into a good Humour. Well,
I hope we have a noble Entertainment, according to the old Proverb, “a Miser’s Feast
is always the best”
; will ye go down, or no?

Bond

No, I’ll dine here.

La. Tem

Seem willing, madam, ’tis the only way to prevent him.

Aside.
Oliv. D4v 24

Oliv

With all my Heart, for I hate much Company: Here Diego, and your fellow,
carry this Table to the Dressing-room-door, a-top of the back Stairs, there
Sylvia can thrust it in, and bring the Side-board hither.

Enter Men, who carry off the Table, Lady Temptyouth going by the side.

La. Tem

Have a care you drop nothing.

Dieg

’Tis plaguy heavy.

Bond

You are wondrous forward, perhaps I won’t dine here when all is
done.

Lucind

Heyday! sure the old Gentleman does not know his own mind.

Bond

Goodlack, Mrs. Pert, are you setled in yours?

Lucind

If I am not, my Lord, my Years excuse it.

Bond

One of your bringing up, my Lady Temptyouth, I suppose, because she is
so brisk.

La. Tem

I’m not asham’d to own her; yes, ’tis my dear Girl.

Serv

An’t please your Honour, my Lord Insuls desires to speak with you, on very
earnest business.

Bond

I believe I may dare venture to go, for my Gipsie would never have been
so willing I should have dined here, if the Coast had not been clear. Aside

Show me where he is.

Exit with the Servant.

Oliv

So, he is gone, I hope the Count is safe.

La. Tem

Yes, yes, I saw him slip down the back-stairs as soon as ever the Men
were out of sight.

Oliv

How do you do, pretty Lady, I scarce dare speak to you before my Husband,
he’s so peevish.

Lucind

Peevish, indeed I never saw such a cross old man in all my life.

Oliv

What would you do, my Dear, if your pretty Youth was confin’d to such
an one.

Lucind

O, I’d quickly send him to Heaven in a String; I’d have half a score Gallants;
Madam, if I did not teaze him to that degree, that in a months time he
went to sleep with his Fathers, hang me for a Fool.

Oliv

Thou art a Mad-cap.

La. Tem

Let us go down, for I have a Design upon that Lord Insuls, which I’ll
tell you as we walk.

Oliv

I am ready to wait upon you.

Exeunt. Scene Changes. Enter Bondi and Lord Insuls.

Bond

Was ever such Impudence, such Disobedience practis’d under one’s own
Roof? Mercy on me! what will this World come to? A wanton Wife and an
undutiful Daughter! the Plagues of Egypt were meer Flea-bitings to them.

Ins. Nay, E1r 25

Ins

Nay, I thought your Lordship was not privy to the Affront, because I knew
your Lordship first propos’d the Match; indeed never man of Quality was so abu――
sed; I would have fought the fellow, but that I fear’d, by his Carriage, he was a
Scoundrel, and would disgrace my Sword.

Bond

Oh, ’tis a vile Wretch, but I’ll be so reveng’d on him. My Lord, if
yet you think my Daughter worthy, the Ball just ended, a Priest shall make her
yours for ever, tho’ indeed she ought to expect your Scorn and Hatred.

Ins

My Education taught me never to bear Displeasure against the fair Ladies,
I shall wait with much Impatience and Joy till you summon me to the fair one.

Bond

My Lord, I beg you would go to the Company, whilst I send for my
Daughter, and give her a Lesson, for I fear she was at the bottom on’t.
Call Ariana.To a Servant.

Ins

I will leave ye pray be not too severe upon the Lady, I have a great respect
for her; but for that rude fellow, by the Muses, he deserves kicking and
pumping.

Exit L. Insulls Enter Ariana.

Aria

Did you send for me, Sir?

Bond

Yes, Mrs. Manybetters, and-none worse; how you are trick’d up! the
Dancing, not your Father’s Sight restor’d, is your Joy: Are not you a Cockatrice?
dare you look me in the Face after what you have done?

Aria

Done, my Lord!

Bond

Yes done, Minx, you and your beggerly Brave abuse a man of Quality, Fortune
and Honour.

Aria

Has the Baby been to tell its Tale then?

Bond

D’ye make a Jest on’t Huswife? Hear what I say, and mark it: This night
thou shalt be my Lord Insulls Wife, or else, by Heaven, I’ll turn thee loose into
the wide Streets of Venice, stript of all Means, all Comforts, there to get thy Bread
amongst thy fellow-prostitutes, but never own thee for my Daughter more.

Aria

These are cruel sounds, they strike through my soul, and dead my sence.
Oh, Sir, hear your only Child; you us’d to say you lov’d me, if I have lost that
Blessing, let Compassion plead, heap on me all punishments, spare me but in this;
let not my Youth be condemn’d to what I loath, to such a Fool, a Blockhead,
Coward.

Bond

Rebellious Witch!

Aria

Consider, Sir, you force me on the Road to Hell, for my strong Aversion
needs must lead me on to Murders, Adulteries, or such horrid Crimes that will surely
plunge me there.

Bond

Let go, stand off, for as I have a Soul, this night you are married, or ten thousand real Mischiefs shall befal thee.

Exit Bond.

Aria

Mischief is already on me, lasting Mischief, fix’d for Life, a Husband
whom I shall ever hate and all the World will still despise, all my cheerful hours
are for ever fled, Fate has not one in store: Then let their Revels shake the House E with E1v 26
with noisie pleasure, fix’d on this wretched Earth, so stupified I’ll grow, till I can
work my melancholy Thought to fancy I’m a piece on’t.

Enter Gervatio.

Gerv

What’s here, my charming young Mistress on the Ground, she that us’d to
enliven all the World, now, when there reigns a general Joy, sunk in Sorrow?
Rise, dear Madam, rise.

Aria

Never.

Lifts her up.

Gerv

I’ll try that; come Madam, what’s the cause of this dejection? did I not
receive from you a noble Present? Come, pray believe me yours, and tell me
what’s the matter.

Aria

If I durst trust thee, but ’tis no Secret; my Father has sworn I this night
shall wed Insulls.

Gerv

And you had rather have Fidelio.

Aria

Rather, oh, there is no comparison.

Gerv

Smile then and you shall; but, udsfflawed-reproductionh, I’ll do nnothing without you are
merry.

Aria

Were I rid of the fear of Insulls, I could leap over the Moon.

Gerv

Let me see, does not this Lord Insulls pretend to Poetry?

Aria

Most intolerably.

Gerv

And is he not vain upon it?

Aria

As all Wou’d-be-wits are.

Gerv

Then, dear madam, let your Troubles end, and be as brisk as your sweet
natural Temper incites, I warrant your Lumber of a Lover safe enough from disturbing
you when the Ball’s done.

Aria

O that I could believe thee.

Gerv

You’d believe me when by my sole contrivance the Parson hath conjur’d
you between a pair of sheets in Fidelio’s Arms; ah! methinks I see you laid on the
delicious Scene.

Aria

Go, you are a Talker: Then I am to know nothing of your plot.

Gerv

Not till you hear of the success to the Company, sweet Madam. Yonder
the Hall’s as full as it can hold, the Musick’s a thrumming, the Gallants are ogling,
my Lady Temptyouth as busie as a Bee, there wants nothing but you to crown the
Assembly.

Aria

I’m gone; remember, if you fail my Heart’s broke.

Gerv

Let your Heart be as light as your Heels, and fear nothing, fair Lady.

Aria

Take this and be careful.

Gives him Mony, and exit.

Gerv

I would not be old Bondi’s faithful Fool agen for the World, there’s some
delight a Gusto in serving these young generous souls: Well, Brains, if e’er you’d do
me service, let it be now, help me to baulk this foolish Lord.

Fix soft Ariana where her Wishes tend,

So she secures a Lover, I a Friend.

The End of the Third Act.

ACT E2r 27

Act. IV.

Scene a Hall.
Wherein is Bondi, Count Andrea, Lord Insulls, Fidelio, and several other
Gentlemen; Olivia, Ariana, Lady Temptyouth, Lucinda, with many
other Ladies.

Bond

Count Andrea is your Guest, I suppose.

to Olivia.

Oliv

My Lord!

La. Tem

No, he is my Guest, sure for the many Estates I have help’d you to for
half the worth of ’em, you may allow me to bring one Friend.

Bond

Your Ladiship’s alwaies my Friend, I thank you. Come, why don’t this
Dancing go on? if your heels wou’d wag, ’tis to be hoped you would be tir’d and
ha’ done once.

Songs, and a dance by Lucinda
and a French Beau.

Ins

to Lucinda Heavens, Madam! I have seen nothing so ravishly fine, nothing
like itflawed-reproductionby the Muses; since I left Versailles, ’twou’d be impertinence to the
highest degree to ask if your Ladiship was not bred in France.

Luc

Oh, the Paradise of the World bred there, my Lord: Yes, my Mother
was so nice she had me nurs’d in France; I warrant she would not let me suck’d
any other than French Milk for a Principality.

Ins

A witty Woman, by the Muses, and charmingly pretty: Then your Ladiship
understands the French Freedom and Gallantry? According to those Rules,
pray Madam, number me amongst your humblest Servants.

Luc

With all my Heart, there’s a Favour to distinguish you. Gives a Ribbon.
No more words now we are observ’d.

La. Tem

Well done, my Lucinda, she’s at him, i’faith, my Maidenhead to an
Eggshell he’s her own.

aside. E2 To E2v 28 To Oliv.

This is dull doings, Madam, I wish I could part the Company, send those
Gravities to tope their Noses, and get our selves a little freedom.

Oliv

I wish you cou’d, Madam; poor Ariana has not spoke a word since she
came into the Hall.

La. Tem

I’le try: Well, now I vote that the Gentlemen and Ladies that have
danc’d retire into the drawing Room, and recruit with Sweetmeats and cool
Wines, and the old Dons take up their Smoaking-room, and drink lusty Chiaux,
Bagrag, and the warmest Wines my Lord Melito Bondi’s Cellar affords.

Andr

Spoke like an Oracle.

Bond

Spoke like a Devil, putting all the young ones together; but this is the
last day of her Reign, for I’le forbid her my House, tho’ I lose Ten thousand
Crowns a Year by it.

Aside.

An old Senator

I like the motion well, for, by my holy Dame, I am tir’d with
seeing nothing but hip hop, hip hop.

La. Tem

Come, come, you as becomes you, your Age and Quality first.

Driving out the old Men.

Bond

The Devil take thee.

Aside.

La. Tem

Now pair all, and follow your Leader.

Ins

I’le let Ariana see I stomach the Affront.

To Lucin.

Madam, may I crave the honour of your Hand?

Luc

Yes Gallant, ’tis at your service.

Exeunt omnes but Fidelio and Ariana.

Aria

Did you see my Fool strut by with Lucinda? Now he is vain enough to
fancy I will be jealous.

Fid

He is not worth a Thought.

Aria

Alas, you know not how formidable he is; my Father, with the dismal’st
Threats that Man could utter, has sworn to marry me to him this very Evening,
as soon as the Ball is over.

Fid

Hell and Furies! Ill cut his Throat immediately.

Aria

Hold, hold, Gervatio with much assurance promis’d me a deliverance, have
a little patience, such desperate Attempts will ruine all.

Fid

Dost think I’le stand by and see thee lost?

Aria

Nor will I tamely yield; but now let’s be calm, and the Company, methinks
I have great Faith in Gervatio’s Promises.

Fid

And I have Faith in thee; but, oh, if power should overcome madness, Despair
and Death would seize me.

Lady Temptyouth peeping.

La. Tem

Where are you, Chickens? Come hither, or spight of me, the old man
will rouze ye.

Aria

We come.

Exeunt. Scene E3r 29 Scene changes. Enter Gervatio, Stretchwell, and Heardouble.

Gerv

Mr. Stretchwell, and Mr. Heardouble, you understand your business.

Stretch

Ay sure, or else we spent our Lives to very little purpose.

Gerv

Well, here I plant ye, and bring the Lord Insuls; if he owns he made the
Libel call’d The present state of Venice, you know what you have to do.

Heard

Yes, yes, truss him up for Treason.

Stretch

Hurry him away to Prison without Bail or Mainprise.

Gerv

Right, behind those Hangings conceal your selves, I’ll bring him as soon
as possible.

Stretch

His business shall be done I’ll warrant thee, old boy.

Gerv

And you rewarded.

Exit Gervatio.

Heard

Well, Brother, we are a great Prop to this State, Venice had long ago
moulder’d into its watry Foundation, if we Informers had not supported it from
ten thousand Treasons.

Stretch

Dost think think this Lord Insuls is guilty or not?

Heard

What matter is’t? he’s rich, and we’l fleece him.

Stretch

I hate a poor Dog, that pretends to be in a Plot.

Heard

Impudent Varlets! when they han’t Mony enough to pay their Fees,
they’l undertake to turn Governments upside down.

Stretch

Hark, I hear a noise, to our Posts.

They abscond. Enter Lord Insulls and Gervatio.

Gerv

My Lord, I humbly ask your pardon, for drawing your Honour from the
bright Assembly, but I understand you are in a fair way to be Heir-apparent to all
my old Master’s Wealth: I have been a long and faithful Servant here, and may
prevail with old Bondi to drop more Bags than he design’d.

Ins

Honest Gervatio, thou art kind, but the young Lady uses me most scurvily,
by the Muses, she must expect, whemn I am her Husband, that in return of her scorn
I treat her with Indifference.

Gerv

She deserves it; good Heavens! slight such Worth as yours!

Ins

Nay, by the Muses, Gervatio, without boasting, I may say, all the Courts in
Christendom have admird my Person, Parts, and Dress.

Gerv

No doubt, my Lord, your Lordship has such an Oath sets my mouth all on
Water, by the Muses: Oh, I had a devilish smatt’ring at ’em in my Youth, but hard
Fate threw me upon Units, Tens, and the Gargon of accounts, when I long’d to
have been rhiming: I am sure your Honour writes, O that I cou’d be so happy to
peruse some of your incomparable lines.

Ins

What I write is all light Satyr, if your Fancy’s that way, I can send you
Reams of cover’d Paper.

Gerv E3v 30

Gerv

Is it so light Satyr, i’faith? ha, ha, ha, nay, then I smell a Rat indeed, they
sed ’twas a Stranger did it.

Ins

What d’ye mean?

Gerv

As if you did not know, that exquisite, elaborate, most ingenious piece,
call’d The present state of Venice, wherein the Satyr is so winning, so instructive, so
reforming, as I may say, that the Duke is pleasd with it to that degree, he has promis’d
his fair Daughter’s Picture-set round with Diamonds, in a Gold Chain that
goes fifteen times about the Neck to the Man that will own himself the Author.

Ins

He, he, he, does that Trifle make such a noise? Alas, I have writ Five hundred
better than that.

Gerv

Impossible, but we owe this to your Lordship, I’m sure.

Ins

Yes, the Lines are mine, but I care not to expose my Name, I want not the
Duke’s Present, Gervatio.

Gerv

No, my Lord!

Both the Informers run out, and clap two Pistols to his Head.

Ins

What’s the matter, Gentlemen?

Stretch

Hold your Tongue, Sirrah, make no noise nor resistance, if you do, one
of these sends your Poetical Brains into the Air immediately.

Heard

Here’s a Rogue for ye, Brother! he sed he had made Five thousand Libels
on the Duke and Senate.

Stretch

Ay, ay, he shall have his Reward, a Halter instead of a Gold
Chain.

Ins

Why Gentlemen, to tell you the truth, I did not write the Verses.

Stretch

Every Malefactor can deny his Crime

Ins

Oh Gervatio! what’s the meaning of all this?

Gerv

Heavens! my Lord, I am as much amaz’d as you, these fellows have betray’d
me, they told me the Poetry was ador’d by the Duke and Senate, and I
should have a swindging Reward if I could discover the Author; my business
was always to get Mony, my Lord, and I hoped to have done my self a Kindness
and your Lordship an Honour.

Ins

Yes, you have honour’d me, I thank ye, put me in a fair way to be hang’d:
Good Gentlemen, remove these horrid Instruments of death a little further, they
put my Peruke quite out of the curl; and my Body in such violent sweats, I shan’t
be able to come near the Ladies agen this fortnight.

Heard

Oh, there’s no Ladies where you are a going, come along.

Gerv

Fear not, my Lord, I’ll get you Bail.

Stretch

How, going to whisper the Prisoner! here’s another Fiddle will make
ye dance farther off.

Pulls out another Pistol.

Gerv

O Lord, O Lord, I never could endure the Nose of Belzebub against my
precious person.

runs off.

Heard

Come, let’s have him the back way, lest he alarm the House.

Stretch. E4r 31

Stretch

Shall we put him in the Dungeon?

Ins

Good Gentlemen, consider my Ball-clothes.

Stretch

Here’s a Fellow taking care of his Clothes when his Life is in danger.

Heard

Well, Brother, according as his pockets are lined, he shall be
used.

Stretch

Ay, ay, away with him.

Ins

Pray leave haling, me, I’ll go quietly.

Stretch

You’d best.

Exeunt. Scene draws, and discovers Olivia, Lady Temptyouth, Ariana, Lucinda,
Ladies; Andrea, Fidelio, Gentlemen; a Side-table, with Wine.

Aria

Madam, shan’t we beg a Song of the charming Lucinda?

La. Tem

Not till my Lord comes, I have told ye my design.

Aside to Ariana.

Aria

And I like it extreamly.

Enter Bondi, the old Senator, and a Priest.

Aria

Heavens! look Fidelio, what’s that stalks behind my Father, a Priest?

Fid

The Devil it is.

Aria

I fear there’s mischief’s toward.

Bond

As the day has passed in Joy, so, I hope, ’twill have a joyful end, for I
design before all these Witnesses to marry my Daughter, the young Lord Insulls is
the Bridegroom, his Father and I long ago concluded it, only my Infirmity deferred
the matter.

Old Sen

Ay, let’s have a Wedding, the thoughts on’t makes my old Blood
dance.

Andr

Rather the strong Wines work upon your weak Brain.

La. Tem

The Devil! all my design’s ruin’d, and poor Ariana’s Heart broke:
fiddle faddle, my Lord Bondi, this is nothing but thriftiness, now the Fragments of
the days Revels must serve for the Wedding Supper; no, no, old Gentleman,
don’t mistake your self, we’l have another Festival for dear Ariana’s Marriage.

Bond

My Lady, you have a large rule in my Family, but in this Affair, upon my
word, I’ll be Master.

Fid

My Veins with Kindling Rage are all on fire, what shall I do, my Ariana?
I’ll meet and stab him as he enters.

Aria

Have a moments patience, he appears not yet.

Luc

What, must I lose my new Servant, Madam?

To Lady Temptyouth.

La. Tem

So it seems, Child.

Luc

A welladay! but hang’t, while Fifteen has not overtaken me, I’ll never
spoil my Face with grieving.

Oliv E4v 32

Oliv

If I have any power, my Lord, I beg you wou’d oblige your weeping
Daughter, in delaying this unwelcome Match.

Bond

Rest assured you have no power with me, and all you say against it hastens
my Resolves; use your Prayers and your Comands where you bestow your
Charms, I am cold, as I have ever found your Love.

Oliv

This shou’d be Jealousie, but what can give him Ground for a Suspicion?

Aside.
Enter Gervatio.

Gerv

O, where’s my Lord?

Bond

Here; what’s the matter?

Gerv

Oh, my Lord, the worst News, the saddest Accident! Oh! my Heart will
break for the poor Gentleman.

Bond

What Gentleman? explain thy self.

Gerv

Gentleman did I say? no, no, not a Gentleman neither, ’tis a Lord.

Aria

My Heart bodes Comfort.

Bond

Torture me no longer, dear Gervatio.

Gerv

That hopeful Sprig, oh! I can’t get it out, my Lord Insulls.

Bond

What of him?

Gerv

Alas, the overflowings of his Wit has undone him: In short, my Lord,
some base Trappanners, Informers, of which this State swarms, sent for him from
this Company, and got out of him, that he made that cursed Libel, The present state
of Venice
, which has so exasperated the Duke and Senate, that they have resolved
to hang the Author.

Bond

Hang him!

Gerv

Ay, hang him, Sir; my Bowels earn for the young Bud of Quality.

Bond

What a Devil had he to do with Poetry, that Leprosies of lazy Minds,
that Weed of Nature? Had he not Estate and Title? must he covet the Begger’s
Entail, Parnassus Lands, and be damn’d to him? Plague consume all the rhiming
Fops in Christendom.

Gerv

What, your worthy Son-in-law!

Bond

He makes me mad.

Fid

I cou’d worship thee, Gervatio.

Bond

I must be rude, and desire the Company to break up, whilst I go and try
my Interest to release this jingling Coxcomb.

The Gent

My Lord, we are all your humble Servants.

Gerv

You two go round, and you will find the back-door of the Garden open;
when my Master’s gone I’le call ye.

Aside to Andrea and Fidelio.

Andr

We’l be ready.

Bond

to the old Senator Come, Brother Senator, your company may be useful.

Exeunt all but Olivia, La. Temptyouth, Ariana, Lucinda, and Gervatio. Gerv. F1r 33

Gerv

So Ladies, how d’ye like my Contrivance? Bondi may stir, but the duce
a bit will he get his Lordship released to night, and to morrow I have another
Plot, which I hope makes my fair Mistress happy.

Aria

Thou art my better Angel.

La. Tem

But my Ariana, won’t you give me leave to free my Lord, provided I
take care he never troubles you with love again?

Aria

Ay, get him into the Bonds of Matrimony with Lucinda, and free him
from his Prison as soon as you please.

Oliv

Methinks ’tis pity the pretty Creature shouuld be condemn’d to such
a Fop.

Lucin

Oh, a rich Fool was alwaies my desire, that I might show my Discretion
in managing him and his Estate.

Oliv

Nay, if you are pleased I am.

La. Tem

Come Child, we have many Irons in the Fire, there’s not a Senator
but I have done a good turn for some time or other, and therefore I fear not
succeeding.

Exeunt La. Temptyouth and Lucinda.

Lucin

Your Servant, Ladies.

Oliv

Yours.

Fidelio peeping.

Gerv

Come in Gentlemen, the old Enemy’s gone.

Enter Count Andrea and Fidelio.

Fid

Let me embrace thee, thou Soul of Ingenuity and Goodness.

To Gerv.

Oliv

Indeed Gervatio has proved just contrary to my Expectations; I hope as he
has freed Ariana, if I crave his Friendship, I may obtain it; I am sure you know
what moves my Lord to use me so intolerably, that I can never meet a civil
Answer.

Gerv

I own I know the Cause, but dare not tell ye, lest it startle ye too much.

Oliv

No, Gervatio, prithee speak, for his brutal Carriage is past enduring.

Gerv

Then, Madam, my Master was never blind, pretended it, only to avoid the
being President of Dalmatia; consider if you have urg’d him.

Omnes

Not blind!

Oliv

Then I am lost.

Swoons.

Andr

Look up, Olivia, Danger shall never reach thee whilst this Arm can weild
a Sword.

Aria

Madam, your Apprehension is too timerous.

Fid

All here are your ready Friends.

Oliv

Oh, ’tis impossible, my Ruine is inevitable, the innocent Freedom I have
given this young Lord, my Virgin Love, before my Husband Bondi, will be punisht
with nothing less than Death, Italy produces no milder Vengeance for suspected
Wives.

F Andr. F1v 34

Andr

Harbour not a Thought so terrible; rather than be punish’d guiltless, fly
Venice with your faithful Slave; to break forc’d Vows Heaven can never hold a
Crime, my Life, and whatsoever I am Master of, is yours.

Oliv

Alas, how wild you talk! five noble Brothers adorn my Family, who wou’d
pursue my guilty Steps, and piecemeal on this wretched Body hew out my Honours
Stains and their Revenge.

Gerv

Faith Invention pours on me like a Deluge, for your Protection and endless
Favour, I’le undertake to bring ye both off.

Oliv

Impossible.

Aria

What a mad Risque our Sex runs when we plunge in real Guilt! what
Pangs, what Agonies, what Terrors are the fatal Consequence!

aside.

Andr

Hast thou Reason, Gervatio, for what thou say’st?

Gerv

I’ll serve you all, and, I do not doubt, successfully.

Bondi within

Bond

Which Room is the Family in?

Oliv

I tremble, there’s my Lord.

Gerv

Away, Gentlemen, into the Garden agen, stay in the Grotto, I’ll be with
ye presently, and tell ye all my Designs.

Exeunt Andrea and Fidelio.

Fid

We’ll wait you there.

Gerv

Good Ladies, to your Closets, I would talk with my Lord alone.

Oliv

Come, dear Ariana, thou art happy in prospect of thy love; if mine had
been my Lot, these Mischiefs ne’er had hapned.

Aria

I wish your mind at peace.

Exeunt Ladies. Manet Gervatio.

Gerv

Gad I have undertook Hercules’s labour, but the greater the Undertaking,
the greater the Glory in the performance.

Enter Bondi.

Bond

Oh Gervatio! there’s no freeing of this Fool to night; where’s my damn’d
Wife and Daughter?

Gerv

Gone to undress themselves.

Bond

There’s no body with ’em.

Gerv

None but their Utensils, their Chambermaids.

Bond

Gervatio, I hitherto have trusted thee with all the Secrets of my life, shrink
not back when I disclose the greatest: My Wife has certainly abused me, her Relations
are so numerous, that to expose her I should run ten thousand hazards, therefore
I have resolved silently and secretly to take her off by Poison, to stop my
Shame and her future Sins.

Gerv

If it be so, my assistance shan’t be wanting; but, Sir, the Case is weighty,
the Breath of life blown out, Repentance cannot kindle the dead Coal agen.

Bond

That’s true, but I am by all her wanton Carriages convinc’d, besides a
thousand Circumstances, she’s guilty.

Gerv. F2r 35

Gerv

Well, more to confirm your Suspicion, I must confess I heard ’em appoint
a meeting in the Garden about some three hours hence.

Bond

Oh, damn ’em, damn ’em.

Gerv

From the Balcony we may overhear and discovetr new Cause for your
Revenge, or else find her innocent.

Bond

Innocence! ’tis not in the Sex, Eve, lost it when she lewdly listen’d to the
Fiend, and intail’d her guilt on her Posterity.

Gerv

Have patience, and your own Ears shall either acquit or condemn her.

Bond

Nay, my Eyes have seen enough already. Well, Gervatio, I trust to thee,
and will be ready when you call me.

Gerv

Your Lordship ever found me faithful.

Exit Bondi.

If I do deliver these Ladies from all their Fears, I ought at least to be esteem’d a
Knight Errant, and have it inscrib’d upon my Tomb; “Here lies a most puissant Hero:”
Pox on’t, what will rhime to “Hero”? No, it shall be thus: “The generous Gervatio here lies dead,
To whom for Aid distressed Damsels fled.”

Ay, ay, that will do: Now for my Garden-Sparks, my Instruments are Lords.

Exit.

The End of the Fourth Act.

F2 ACT F2v 36

Act V.

Scene a Garden. Bondi and Gervatio appear in the Balcony, a Curtain to draw.

Bond

They are not come yet, but I’m sure they will, for my Tormentor seem’d
very uneasie, and full of Thought.

Olivia and Andrea meeting.

Gerv

See, my Lord, they both appear.

Bond

Contagion seize ’em, Mildews and Blasts destroy her Beauty, stamp her
Face as deform’d as her Soul, for, a Plague on her, she’s too handsom now.

Gerv

Nay, my Lord, if you are thus passionate, they’l hear us.

Bond

Hist, I have done.

Andr

Madam, I come to wait on your Commands, which, how strange soever,
blindly I obey.

Bond

A Pox of your Complaisance.

Gerv

Pray, my Lord, be silent.

Bond

I am, I am.

Andr

When your Duty to your Father took you from my Wishes, and gave you
to the noble Bed of Bondi, great were my pangs; I struggled hard to conquer
Love’s fierce Fires, and turn ’em into Friendship’s lambent Flames; strong was the
Contest, yet I overcame, and now can boast a Friendship to you and your Lord.

Bond

Pho, this is Dissimulation.

Gerv

Hear ’em out, I am sure they see not us.

Oliv

I knew your Friendship pure, else I had never trusted you so far; but my
Designs are ended now, and my Lord grows very peevish; lest your coming should
offend him, I beg you would forbear the House, or any Opportunity of speaking
to me.

Andr

Madam, I will even in this fulfill your pleasure; but you was pleased to
promise, when you made that odd Request, I would in appearance seem your Gallant,
that you would some time tell me the reason of that innocent Deceit.

Bond

How’s this?

Oliv

I did, but ’tis a Secret, and I must have your Word and Honour, that neither
Friend nor Foe extort it from you.

Andr

I give you both, nay, upon my Soul I will not utter it.

Oliv

Then know my Lord was never blind.

Andr

How!

Bond. F3r 37

Bond

Ha, Gervatio?

Gerv

Sure she’s a Witch.

Oliv

What is hid from loving Eyes? tho’ all the world believed it, I perceived
the contrary, and often urged my Husband, tho’ not plainly contradicting
what he said, yet round about he might perceive I guess’d at it.

Gerv

Did my Lady ever hint she thought you not blind?

Bond

At first she was damn’d inquisitive, which I still thought she did for her
security in sinning.

Gerv

It sounds like truth: But hush, they go on.

Oliv

Methought I had no Comfort of my Life, whilst my dear Lord but
seem’d under that Affliction; besides, Heaven knows, I fear’d a real Judgment might
befall him for his Counterfeiting, and so I plaid a thousand tricks with you, thinking
his Love sostrong that he could not bear to see, and pretend not to see another
invade his right in me? This is the story, and this was my design, but
my Lord by his own Contrivance now is himself again, and I renew my
request to see you no more, for considering past Actions, your sight makes my
Husband uneasie. When I find him in a good humour I will acquaint him
with my guiltless project.

Andr

And if he is not displeased I may hope to continue in the Enjoyment
of your Friendship.

Oliv

Of that hereafter, but my Lady Temptyouth I resolve to avoid, because
she knew not the bottom of my design, yet was so free to forward it, my
Lord your Servant.

Andr

Madam, yours; on this fair hand let me wish you everlasting Happiness.

Oliv

Remember ’tis your parting kiss, and this indeed your eternal leave.

Speaking softly.

Andr

My Love must mitigate that rigour, besides, our Friend Gervatio has
Imployment for me in the House.

Oliv

By all my dangers (which I hope are past) I will no more endeavour
or consent to see you. Farewell.

Exeunt severally

Gerv

What think ye now, my Lord?

Bond

Faith, I know not what to think, were I sure you have not betray’d
me, there may be some truth in’t.

Gerv

Who I, my Lord? Upon my life not I, why your Lordship knows I
never could abide the Ladies; how many times have I made you angry with
’em. I’m sure they hate me.

Bond

That’s true; if she forbears his sight I’ll forbear my revenge, tho’
the Letters and the Kises grumble in my Gizard still.

Gerv

Pshaw, only to carry on her Plot.

Bond

Well, I’ll believe it if I can, ’twill be most for my ease I am sure—
Come let’s in, I’ll write to the Duke for this Scribling Lord, tho’ in troth I
am almost asham’ to appear in’t.

Exit Bondi. BondGerv. F3v 38

Gerv

Go thy ways Don Credulous; my drubbing will be reveng’d at last.

Exit. Scene, a Prison. Enter to Lord Insulls, Lady Temptyouth, Lucinda, and a Keeper.

La. Tempt

You see my Authority.

Keep

Yes, and obey it; the Prisoner is at your Service.

La. Tempt

My Lord, your Lordship’s humble Servant.

Ins

O Heavens! your Ladiship and that brightness see me in this vile Condition,
I don’t believe I have a Grain of Powder in my Wigg, the Villains
that took away my Papers took my Mirrour also, because ’twas set in Gold,
now I couuld wish my self in the darkest Dungeon rather than appear such a
Brute before those resistless Eyes.

La. Tempt

Alas, poor Girl, I am sure she never did any thing of this Nature
before, but she received such a vast respect for your Lordship; your behaviour
carries in it a shining Complaisance so much above our dull Venetians, that
no wonder it touched a tender Breast.

Lucin

I would serve the French if I met with any of the Nation in the Person
of a Labourer or Beggar, and sure when a Cavalier is in Affliction, who
may justly boast of all the Accomplishments of mankind, ’twill excuse my breaking
the strict rules of Decency in giving him a visit.

Ins

I am Transported, such sounds are only fit for Angels to hear, Mortals
cannot bear the Joy.

La. Tempt

Nay, she has brought you a Present too, and I hope a welcome one,
your Liberty.

Ins

No, the Lady has brought me everlasting Chains, by the Muses (Confound
the Oath, I cannot leave it) I’d not leave ’em to be free as Air.

Lucin

What means your Lordship, I am sure I begg’d your Freedom heartily
of my Uncle, the Duke.

Ins

But your Eyes teach my Heart the pleasing Bondage, which I desire
to Triumph for ever. Gad I say abundance of fine things.

Aside.

Lucin

Your Lordship forgets, ’tis not Ariana you are talking to.

Ins

No, if it were, every word shou’d stick in my throat, she a dull Insensible,
no Mein, no Air, no Song, no Dance, nothing agreeable.

La. Tempt

Oh, the abominable Fool! how he describes the prettiest Creature
Nature ever made.

Aside.

Lucin

Your Lordship cannot be in earnest.

Ins

By the Infernals, (Ay, they’ll do me less harm than the Muses) But
vast Fortune if I married her, which now I never will: ’Twas for her
that my Equippage might have been the finest at the Court of Versailles: My F4r 39
My Coach drawn by six Barbs, six Blacks to every Horse. The poor Creature
my Wife I’d have confined to the Country with a pair of broken
winded Jades and an old Fashion’d Chariot.

Lucin

I don’t like your usage of a Wife my Lord.

Ins

She has us’d me ill and deserves such a return, but if your Ladiship
wou’d think me worthy, Heavens! you shou’d shine the Glory of Versailles;
The Barbs be yours, and I the humblest of your Slaves.
How fine is that, the Prison sure inspires me.

Aside.

La. Tempt

Nay, I can’t excuse Ariana, for I doubt she had more than a
Finger in this troublesome business, but my Girl’s too young to think of Love,
tho’ I wish she had never seen your Lordship; I know not what time may
produce.

Ins

Pardon my Presumption; I had not broke upon the Lady so abruptly,
but I am prest upon by Fate, my Father to morrow arrives at Venice expecting
me to marry Ariana? Cou’d I have hoped such Happiness as to have
chang’d my Destiny and fixt here where all my wishes tend, my Father might
storm, but ’twou’d not be in his power to alter it.

Lucin

Oh Heavens, such a concern ventur’d on so suddenly wou’d kill me
with the Apprehension.

La. Tempt

Come, let’s leave this detested place and go to my House, there we’ll consider further.

Ins

I wait on you, Madam, with unexpressible thanks for this Favour: I
hope I shall hear of my people, that I may once again appear like a Man of
Quality; not like a Rat shut up in a hole. I profess I am scarce fit to touch
that fair hand.

La. Tempt

But indeed you are, my Lord! Lucinda.

Lucin

My Mothers Commands, my Lord.

Gives her hand. Exeunt. Scene changes to Bondi’s House. He at his Table Sealing Letters, two Servants.

Bond

This to the Duke, this to Gonsalvo, I hope they’ll consider my Lord’s
a Fool, and release him: He make the Libel! I found by his discourse he
made it no more than I did. Exeunt Servants
He’s foolish ’tis true, but then he is rich and the fitter for a Husband.

Enter Olivia, and Ariana weeping.

Aria

Oh, Sir!

Oliv

Oh, my dear!

Bond

What’s the matter with the Women?

Oliv F4v 40

Oliv

Alas, d’ye hear no noise in the House?

Bond

Noise, what noise, not I.

Oliv

Why all your Moveables are seizing: Two Priests with Officers walk
o’er the House, nor will they be controul’d, proudly they march along and
break open all the Locks, set down your Plate, your rich Hangings, and
every thing of Value, my dressing Plate that was my Maiden Treasure, that’s
down too; Oh, oh.

Aria

Nay, as much as my Cold Bodkins, and all the Jewels I have on: I
shall be a rich Lass now! Oh, Heavens.

Bond

Ye amaze me, what can be the meaning on’t?

Aria

They’ll tell no body, but seem to have great Authority.

Bond

I am at my Wits end. Where’s Gervatio?

Enter Gervatio.

Aria

Here comes the sorrowfull Man.

Gerv

Oh, that ever I shou’d live to see this day! such Havock, such Waste
there will be of my dear Masters Goods, wou’d I were dead out of the sight
on’t.

Bond

Why Gervatio, is all the World mad? What is the reason of all this
Outrage?

Gerv

I know not, but your Enemies are at my heels, I suppose they’ll acquaint
you: Here they come, my Lord.

Enter Count Andrea, and Fidelio, disguiss’d like Friars, and their Servants like
Officers.

Bond

Has Heaven nothing but Afflictions for this aged Head! Reverend Fathers
what have I done to deserve such Usage.

Andr

Officers give us the Inventory and retire: We will yet, respecting
his grey Hairs, conceal his shame and crimes as much as possible: Brother
will you lay the Enormous fault open before his hardned Soul.

Exeunt Officers and Ladies.

Fid

Your Eloquence will do it more feelingly Brother.

Andr

Excuse me, indeed your Capacity is largest.

Fid

Pardon me, I am weak, very weak, compar’d to you.

Bowing to one another.

Bond

Ah, the Devil take ye both and your Civilities.

Aside.

Andr

Then according to my poor Ability.

Bond

How I am tortur’d.

Aside.

Count Andrea[Speaker label not present in original source]

Andrea Coughing

Melito Bondi, Thou stand’st accused before the Duke and

and Hemming.

Senate, and his Holinesses Nuncio, for such a grand Deceit,
for a Crime of such a Nature, so black in it’s Root, so wide in its Branches,
the Parent a lie, the Daughter’s Hypocrisie, Dissimulation to the highest
degree even to Perjury: Brother be pleased to discuss.

Bond. G1r 41

Bond

What will become of me.

Fid

Well, mayst thou tremble, old man, who durst affront Heaven in Counterfeiting
blindness.

Bond

Ah, Lord!

Gerv

Ah, we are all undone.

Fid

But as one Crime seldom fails to pull a greater on, in thee, lost man,
we find the dire proof of all that’s ill; to restore this sight which Heaven
knows was never lost, Silvester’s Sacred Girdle must be fetched, and a Miracle
pretended; but know the Saint needs not by your studied lies, addition to
his well established Glory, since the curst falsity has been broached, he has
rous’d him in his Peacefull shrine and waked the Convent with his cries,
Bondi’s a dissembler, Bondi has done me wrong, Bondi must be punished.

Bond

Worthy Fathers, behold at your Feet a Penitent, have pity on my
lostflawed-reproductionEstate.

Fid

Fise, and hear us out: Brother, proceed.

Andr

For this Crime the Senate have decreed, the Nuncio too concurring,
that thou Melito Bondi be straight Devested of thy Lands and rich Possession,
thy Moveables, thy Debts, and whatsoever’s thine Confiscated to the State,
thy self still to remain a Prisoner for life.

Fid

The doom is mild and merciful, if thou hadst fallen where the Inquisition
Reigns, through what variety of Torments must you have past, and
for conclusion, died: Brother, will you urge any thing further.

Gerv

Good Reverendissimo’s, let me beg you cease, see my poor Master is
just expiring under the severity of your censure: your selves, I am sure, want
refreshing too.

Fid

Truly my Spirits are exhausted.

Andr

I do perceive mine evaporate.

Gerv

Within I have prepared something to sustain nature.

Bond

Let me entreat ye Fathers to accept it.

Andr

Shall we venture to eat the Viands of the Hypocrite.

Gerv

For that matter I’ll be your taster, pray walk in.

Fid

My Stomach calleth upon me to venture: Old Gentleman, we shall quickly
return and examine your Papers.

Bond

What you please, I am humbled to any thing.

Fid

Complementing about the way Nay Brother, that will not do.

Andr

Upon my Veracity you shall.

Fid

By my order I won’t.

Andr

That’s Sacred; then I must.

Exeunt Gerv. and Friars. Re-enter Olivia and Ariana.

Oliv

How have you come off, my Lord.

Bond

E’en stript of all, naked in my old age, as when I first peept in this
wicked world.

G Aria. G1v 42

Aria

Ah me, Unfortunate.

Bond

Unfortunate indeed, bred high and not worth a Drachma, I doubt
that handsome Face will tempt you to make the best on’t Ariana, and rather
than live poorly Sacrifice thy virtue.

Aria

Think better of me, I’ll die first.

Bond

Why, that’s well said, as for my Wife, she I fear, has learnt her Trade
already.

Oliv

Why must I suffer all these unkind suspicions?

Bond

Nay, I forgive thee, be it now flawed-reproduction, and thou shan’t hear of it aflawed-reproduction
ny more from me.

Oliv

Shall we go and intercede with these cruel Men.

Aria

I kneel, and beg, and pray as long as I can speak for my poor Father.

Bond

Ay, you are wondrous kind.

Oliv

Come, let us try our power.

Bond

Hold, ye Fools, did ye ever know or hear of an Italian Priest let go
his prey; no, no, my long hoarded Wealth is got into Hucksters hands, I may
e’en bid farewell to all my possessions.

Enter Gervatio.

Oh, Gervatio, my Foes I know are still innexorable, and my ruin resolved.

Gerv

Yonder they are Nuckle deep in Sweet-meats, and have the best Wines
the world affords before ’em, yet I perceive no signs of mollifying: My Lord,
I would in private tell your Lordship what I have thought on.

Aria

If you please, Madam, we’ll in and do all we can wish for my Father’s
deliverance.

Oliv

Ay, most heartily.

Exeunt Olivia and Ariana.

Bond

Ah, Gervatio.

Looking sorrowfull upon one another.

Gerv

Alas, my Lord.

Bond

But who may I thank for all this, who was at the bottom of the
blind Contrivance that has ruined me.

Gerv

And pray who would have thought a dead Saint would have disturbed
himself with telling tales.

Bond

Ah, I rather fear ’twas living Devils, ’tis no matter, I have resolved in
my Afflictions to submit to every thing, and neither quarrel nor complain,
though I discover thee and the Wife of my Bosom, two Serpents.

Gerv

A resigning Will is a great blessing; for my own part, I am sure
the Innocence of a Dove is upon me, towards your Honour, even at this time,
when you are suspecting me, my poor Brain is in Labour for your good.

Bond

There’s neither help nor hope remain.

Gerv

Yet we may make the best of a bad Market.

Bond

My folly appears so plain, I am ashamed to apply my self to the Duke
and Senate.

Gerv. G2r 43

Gerv

I meant not so, that must be done hereafter, but you know my Lord,
these Harpies have not yet examined your Papers, I am sure they are tied by
the Teeth for stirring one while: now if you dare trust me I can take out
Bonds and Mortgages, to the Sum of fifty thousand Crowns, get it setled First
upon my young Lady Ariana, yet not let her know it, then it can give her
no encouragement for disobedience.

Bond

I thank thy care, Gervatio, and will instantly put them into thy hands,
but, dost hear, let the Lawyer put in some doubtfull Clause, that if I shou’d
by any means escape, I may re-asume my Right and Title to it again.

Gerv

I warrant you, my Lord, tho’ her name secures it from the Law, she
shall be ne’er the better for it.

Bond

Come, make haste.

Gerv

My Lord, that way you’ll meet the Moabites.

Bond

starting My Woes distract me, I scarce know where my Closet is.

Exeunt. Enter Olivia and Ariana.

Aria

So, Gervatio has work’d him to his Ends, ’tis a lucky fellow I protest,
I hope Heaven will forgive me for consenting these tricks should be plaid with
my old Father, since my end is honest and for the sake of my Fidelio, who merits
more than I can obtain for him.

Oliv

Why, the Sparks did it rarely, but I am sorry Count Andrea has an
opportunity of seeing me again.

Aria

Pho, there’s no harm in his sight, you should not fall to hastily from
one degree to another.

Enter Count Andrea and Fidelio, in their own Cloathes.

Here comes the Reverendissimo’s, as Gervatio call’d them: Does the Wheel of
Affairs run smooth.

Fid

Upon Carpet ground my life, Gervatio has pick’d all the best of the Bonds,
Mortgages, &c. and is gone to an Eminent Lawyer with ’em.

Aria

What have ye done with my Father.

Fid

Made bold to imprison him in his own Closet, where he must remain
during our Royal Pleasure, and now, Madam, it rests wholly in your generous
breast to compleat my Happiness; Gervatio has secured the Chaplain ours, if
you consent not to what indeed makes me giddy with the vast Joy, giving
me your Beauteous self, this very moment some sinister accident in all probability
will ruin our designs.

Oliv

Nay my dear Ariana you have gone too far now to shrink back, come
we’ll be witnesses.

G2 Aria. G2v 44

Aria

Well, Fidelio, I will venture on this Bug-bear-Marriage, but if thou shouldst
prove ungratefull after all my obligations, what punishment dost thou deserve.

Fid

To be despised by the World, proclaim’d a Coward; and what’s yet
greater be hated by youu.

Andr

Whilst I behold another’s Happiness, my wretched self am banished for
ever from what my soul admires.

Oliv

How do ye know ’tis for ever young Gentleman? I may out live my
Lord, then a brisk Widow weigh’d down with Bags, oh, ’tis an excellent
Cordial for the younger branch of a Family.

Andr

Ay there is comfort in that thought, if you wou’d in the mean time
allow me to see you; nothing less will preserve my life till the rich Cordial
comes.

Oliv

To preserve my own I must deny that, for Gervatio tells me, my Lord
was growing up to great extremities; your forbearance of any sort of address,
I shall esteem as a proof of your affection, but whilst we are idly talking
here, Fidelio views us with impatient Eyes, and longs to have his Joys secured;
the Marriage over, I must beg your Lordship to retire, I would not have
my Husband see you for the world.

Andr

Howe’er unwilling, those commanding Eyes tell me I must obey.

Fid

Come, Ariana,

The Priest our hands, but Heaven our hearts shall join,

And endless raptures Crown me when I call thee mine.

Exeun. Enter Lady Temptyouth, Lord Insulls, and Lucinda.

La. Temp

Well I never thought any Mortal cou’d have prevailed with me
to have parted with this dear Girl at so short warning, and withouut more
consideration, but your Lordships merit is irresistible.

Ins

I am blest in possessing her, punish me with the beastly Garb of the Vulgar,
if I would be unmarried to be an Emperour. This visit is in Triumph
to let proud Ariana see what an excelling Beauty has made me happy. O
my dear Cherubin, I can’t but think how the Court of France will admire my
choice.

Lucin

Shall you like that.

Ins

Covet it; I hope, Madam, you will rob the Ladies of all their Sparks, and
the whole Gallantry of the Court be made to you.

Lucin

Nay, if your Lordship Glories in my Conquests, fear not, they shall
be numerous, I never fail’d when I endeavour’d it.

Ins

That’s true, for my hearts your prize, which, by the Muses, is a Trophy
not to be despised.

Enter G3r 45 Enter Gervatio, with Parchment in his hands.

La. Temp

Gervatio, where’s the Ladies.

Gerv

Faith, Madam, my young Lady is commiting Matrimony, I believe,
that sweet meat that’s commonly attended with sowre sawce.

La. Temp

Is she so, much Joy I wish her.

Gerv

I must to my old Master, get him to set his hand to these, and
then I think this head has brought wonders to pass.

Exit Gerv.

Ins

Who is my Rival, some ill-drest Fellow Ill lay my life on’t.

Lucin

Even that robust piece of rudeness that accosted your Lordship so
odly, Count Fidelio.

Ins

He, he, he, they are well matched, by the Muses, I believe neither of
’em understand the French way of dressing so well as the Groom of my Horses,
he, he, he.

Lucin

Ariana always ridicul’d it, which has often broke Friendship between
us.

Ins

Heavens, if I had married her, what a world of labour wou’d it have
cost me to have modell’d her for the drawing room at Versailles, whilst you,
my dear, at first sight will appear the abstract of Perfection.

Lucin

My Lord, you make me blush, but I shall now take unusual care in
my dress, that your Lordship may think me agreeable.

Ins

Happy man, happy man, as ever put on the yoke of Matrimony.

Enter Olivia, Ariana, and Fidelio.

Fid

Ha, my Lord Insulls, your very humble Servant, this is too transporting
an hour to remember anger, now the dear Ariana’s mine, our Quarrel dies.

Ins

I wish you Joy with her, I am provided as much to my satisfaction, be pleased
to know the Duke’s Neice for my Wife.

Aria

Lucinda, the Dukes Neice.

La. Temp

Aside to Ariana Hold dear Ariana, spoil not this day’s Mirth
with a discovery, he’ll know it soon enough; besides, I’ll make thee, poor Girl,
worth more than that Fool deserves.

Aria

I beg your Pardon, I am dumb.
Madam, we must humour the greatness it seems.

to Oliv.

Oliv

With all my Heart.

Ins

This is their Venetian breeding to whisper half an hour: Poyson me, my
dear, if the very sight on’t is not enough to spoil a Man.

Oliv

Joy to your honour, I thought you wou’d not have ventured to have
changed your condition so suddenly.

Ins

Your Ladyship might consider the Man, and that would take your Wonder
off.

Fid

Was ever any such Vanity.

Enter G3v 46 Enter Bondi, and Gervatio.

Bond

Then you say you’ve obtained I may walk about my House till further
order.

Gerv

Yes, my Lord.

Bond

sees the Company Heyday, who have we here, nothing but meeting
and revelling, this is a time indeed for Mirth!

Ins

Old Gentleman, I am married, but not to thy Daughter, and for that
reason will be merry in spite of thy beard.

Fid

Ariana kneeling And I am married to her, and for that happiness
shall be for ever joyfull.

Bond

Trick’d, Ruin’d, Undone; hold, not ruin’d neither, he has ne’er a
Drachma, nor none he shall have.

Gerv

Then I must interpose; if you have no Bowels for such a sweet young
Couple, I have had; my Lord Fidelio, here’s the value of fifty thousand Crowns,
come, that will make a shift till the old man pops aside, or something better
happens.

Bond

Betray’d by Gervatio, I will run mad, I will grow distracted quickly.

Oliv

My Lord, if you did but see how ill such starts of passion suit your
age, sure you wou’d forbear.

Fid

Think, my Lord, my want of fortune may be made up in tenderness
towards your Daughter, and duty towards your self.

La. Temp

Come, come, my Lord, the Senate, no doubt, when they see him
married to Ariana, will honour him with places of trust and profit, a rising
Man seldom wants a hand to help him higher.

Bond

Let me consider, all in this room have been my Foes, I think, every
individual Person, for what cause, even because I have been a cross stingy
old Captious fellow, but henceforth I’ll throw it away as fast as the best of
ye; Alas, I had forgot, I have nothing but Misfortunes, and am a wretched
Prisoner Condemned to Shame and Poverty.

Gerv

All those afflictions I’ll take off upon condition you’ll forgive your
worthy Son and Daughter.

Bond

Do this, and we all are Friends.

Gerv

Then my Lord, be satisfied, the Duke nor Senate know nothing of
your deceit, ’twas only a Contrivance of your humble Servant to oblige this
young Lord and my Charming Mistress.

Bond

Well, thou hast proved a great Rogue, but I’ll keep my word.

Fid

Then I hope we shall not kneel again in vain.

Bond

No, take my Blessing, and as you prove, an Addition to her Fortune.

Fid

I have all my heart covets.

Aria. And G4r 47

Aria

And my future life shall make amends for venturing once to disobey
my Father.

La. Temp

Now all’s well, I hope the Musick I ordered will come that we
may conclude our Joys with a Dance.

Ins

By all means, let us have Musick that I may have the pleasure to see my
Lucinda trip like a Fairy.

Oliv

My Lord, as this is a general Jubilee, I hope I shall partake it, and heart
burnings being laid aside we henceforth may live more quietly.

Bond

Yes, yes, according to your deportment, thou hast been! Uh, uh, but
I have promised to say no more.

Fid

Gervatio, I will always call thee Friend, and serve thee with my Life
and Fortunes.

Aria

Nor will I forget to esteem and reward thee.

Gerv

I hope you will say I have proved a well-meaning man to all, and
my old Master forgive me.

Bond

Aye, aye, that I will for fear thou shouldst play me any more tricks.

Lucin

Here’s the Musick.

Dance

Bond

Now let’s in and taste a Glass of Wine, I want some comfort after all
my frights.

And may my Fate to each a warning give,

How they e’er love or practice to deceive;

For tho’ they prosper and their Cheat’s believ’d

With ease you see deceivers are deceiv’d,

The End.

Epilogue.

Spoken by Miss Bradshaw.

I’m sent a small Embassadress for Grace,

If there was power in such a Childish face:

Who knows but artless innocence may move,

And looks unpractic’d sometimes catch your Love.

Suppose it so, ’tis now, alass, too late,

Your liking me wards not the blow of fate.

A begging Epilogue’s a despairing Case;

’Tis asking mercy when the doom is past.

Part of this Play though stoln was lately shown,

And what was once expos’d to this Lewd Town

Tho’ twere improv’d with you ’twill scarce go down.

Yet G4v 48

Yet ’twould be noflawed-reproduction or not flawed-reproduction be severe,

And what has been unjustly rifled spare;

For my sake use her kindly once again,

Pray do, you good natured, fine, pretty Men,

Come, I shall grow a Woman e’er ’t be long,

’Tis but a little while we are too young;

And if Heaven on my youth does Charms bestow,

I’ll lay out all the flawed-reproductionck in pleasing you.

Let our wrong’d Author in your Favour shine,

And when you wish it, you shan’t fail of mine.

Epilogue:

Design’d for Mr. Verbruggen.

Now Britain’s raging wars are at an end,

Caesar adorns the Throne he did defend;

Eternal Peace is fix’d, and all things smile,

To Crown the happy blessings of our Isle:

From hence, we have encouragement to expect,

The Stage with nobler off’rings shall be deck’d;

For in past Ages Peace did Wit create,

And Poets flourish’d equal to the state.

’Twas when the great Augustus rul’d in Peace

And all mankind from his enjoyn’d sweet ease:

Ovid’s soft genius first began to please.

’Twas then the Lyrick Horace, Son of Fame,

Compil’d his works, immortal as his Name,

Soft case and quiet fancy did infuse,

And Rome’s blest state gave Birth to Virgil’s Muse.

Oh, may our state like that produce such Men,

That from the crop of their luxuriant Pen,

Succeeding Ages may for ever glean.

Criticks their nature then shall alter quite

And what they fain would damn shall praise in spite

Poets no more in humble lines shall sue

And creep and cringe to steal applause from you,

Nor beg for Favour where no Favour’s due:

No more shall sense in fustian lines be lost,

Nor dullness flourish at the Actor’s cost.

Authors shall write with fancy unconfin’d

To Copy Nature and reform Mankind,

Then Wit and sense shall here for ever dwell,

And Britain’s Stage shall Athen’s far excel.

Finis.