Lord Singularity

Pray, Sir, do not force me to marry a childe, before
you know whether she will prove vertuous, or discreet; when for the
want of that knowledge, you may indanger the honour of your Line and
Posterity, with Cuckoldry and Bastardry.

Lord Fatherly

Son, you must leave that to fortune.

Lord Singularity

A wise man, Sir, is to be the maker or spoiler of his
own fortune.

Lord Fatherly

Let me tell you Son, the wisest man that is, or ever was, may
be deceived in the choosing a wife, for a woman is more obscure than nature
her self, therefore you must trust to chance, for marriage is a Lottery, if you get
a prize, you may live quietly and happily.

Lord Singularity

But if I light of a blank, as a hundred to one, nay a thousand
to one but I shall, which is on a Fool or a Whore, her Follies or Adulteries,
instead of a praise, will sound out my disgrace.

Lord Fatherly

Come, Come, she is Rich, she is Rich.

Lord Singularity

Why Sir, guilded Horns are most visible.

Lord Fatherly

’Tis better, Son, to have a rich whore than a poor whore, but
I hope Heaven hath made her Chast, and her Father being an honourable,
honest, and wise man, will breed her vertuously, and I make no question but
you will be happy with her.

Lord Singularity

But Sir, pray consider the inequality of our ages, she being
but a Child, and I at mans Estate; by that time she is ready for the marriage
bed: I shall be ready for the grave, and youths sharp appetites, will never
rellish Age, wherefore she will seek to please her pallat else where.

Lord Fatherly

Let me tell you, Son, should you marry a woman that were
as many years older, than she is younger than you; it were a greater hazard,
for first old women are more intemperate than young: and being older than
the husband, they are apt to be jealouse, and being jealouse, they grow malitious,
and malice seeks revenge, and revenge disgrace, therefore she would
Cuckold you meerly to disgrace you.

Lord Singularity

On the other side, those Women that are marryed
young, Cuckholds there Husbands fames dishonouring them by their ignorant
follyes, and Childish indiscretions, as much as with Adultery. And I should
assoon choose to be a Cuckhold, as to be thought to be one: For my honour
will suffer as much by the one as the other, if not more.

Lord Fatherly

Heaven blesse the, Sonne, from jealousy, for thou art horrible
afraid of being a Cuckold.

Lord Singularity

Can you blame me, Sir, since to be a Cuckhold is to be despised,
scorned, laught, and pointed at, as a Monster worse than nature ever
made, and all the Honour that my birth gave me and my education indued me, my C1r 5 my vertue gained me, my industry got me; fortune bestowed on me, and fame
inthron’d me for: may not only be lost by my wifes Adultery, but as I said
by her indiscretion; which makes me wonder, how any man that hath a Noble
Soul, dares marry since all his honour lyes or lives in the light heels of his
wife, which every little passion is apt to kick away, wherefore good Sir, let me
live a single life.

Lord Fatherly

How Son, would you have me consent to extinguish the
light of my Name, and to pull out the root of my posterity.

Lord Singularity

Why Sir, it were better to lye in dark oblivion, than to
have a false light to devulge your disgrace; and you had better pull out the
root, than to have a branch of dishonour ingrafted therein.

Lord Fatherly

All these Arguments against Marriage is, because you would
injoy your Mistresses with freedom; fearing you should be disturbed by a wife.

Lord Singularity

That needs not, for I observe, married Men takes as
much liberty, if not more than Batchellors; for Batchellors are afftraid they
should challenge a promise of Marriage, and married Men are out of that
danger.

Lord Father

Then that is the reason that Batchellors Court Married wives,
and Married Men Courts Maides; but howsoever Son, if all Men should be of
your mind, there would be no Marrying nor giving in Marriage; but all must
be in Common.

Lord Singularity

That were best Sir, for then there could be no Adultery
committed, or Cuckolds made.

Lord Fatherly

For shame take courage, and be not a fraid of a Woman.

Lord Singularity

By Heaven Sir, I would sooner yield up my life to death,
than venture my honour to a womans management.

Lord Father

Well Son, I shall not force you with threates or commands
to marry against your will and good likeing; but I hope Heaven will
turn your mind towards marriage, and sent thee a loving, vertuous and discreet
wife.

Sir Timothy Compliment

Bright beauty, may I be Servant.

Lady Amorous

If I have any beauty, it was begot in your Eyes. And takes
light from your commendations.

Sir Timothy Compliment

You are Lady, the Starre of your Sex.

Lady Amorous

No truely, I am but a Meteor that soon goeth out.

Lady Wagtaile

Preethy Sir Timothy Compliment, and Lady Amorous, do not
stand prating here, but let us go a broad to some place to devert the time.

Lady Amorous

Dear Wagtaile, whether shall we goe?

Sir Timothy Compliment

Faith let us go to a Play.

Sir Humphrey Bold

Let’s go to a Tavern.

Sir Roger Exception

What with Ladyes!

Sir Humphrey Bold

Why, Ladyes have been in Tavernes before now.

Sir Roger Exception

It were as good to carry them to a Bawdy-house.

Sir Humphrey Bold

As good say you, faith now I think of it, better; it were
the only place to pass a way idle time. Come Ladyes shall we go.

Lady Amorous

Whether?

Sir Humphrey Bold

To a Bawdy-house.

Lady Amorous

O fye! fye! Sir Humphrey Bold; how wantonly you talk?

Lady Wagtaile

But would you carry us in good earnest to a Bawdy-house?

Sir Humphrey Bold

Why, do you question it, when every house is a secret
Bawdy-house. Na! Let me tell you, there be many Right Worshipfull,
Nay, Right Honourable, and most Noble Pallaces made Bawdy-houses.

Sir Roger Exception

Some perchance that are old and ruinous, and the
right owners out.

Sir Humphrey Bold

No, some that are new, large, and finely furnished; and
the owners stately, proud, scornfull, and jeering, living therein.

Sir Roger Exception

They should take heed of jeering, least they be jeered
and of being scornfull, least they be scorned.

Sir Humphrey Bold

What say you Ladyes, are you resolved.

Lady Wagtaile

No, No, we will not go with you to such places now; but
I will carry you to a young Lady whose Father is newly dead, and hath left
her all his Estate; and she is become a great heir.

Sir Roger Exception

Perchance Lady she will not receive our visit, if her
Father be newly dead.

Lady Wagtaile

I perceive you are ignorant of Funerall customes, for widdowes,
heires, and heiresses receives visits whilst the Corpes lyes above
ground: And they will keep them so much the longer, to have so many more
visitants: nay, sometimes they will keep them so long, as there dissembling is
perceived, or so long as they stink above ground; for if they bury not the
Corpes and set empty Coffins for want of imbalming, their miserableness
will stench up the Nostrils of their vanity.

Sir Roger Vanity

Nay by your favour Lady, there are some that are buried
whilst they are steeming hot.

Sir Humphrey Bold

Those are only such whose Executors, widdowes, or
widdowers, feares they may revive again, and rather than that they should do
so, they will bury them alive.

Lady Wagtaile

You say rightly true, Sir Humphrey Bold.

Sir Timothy Compliment

Sweet beautyes, let us go to see this Rich heiress.

Lady Amorous

Content.

Sir Roger Exception

But Ladyes are you acquainted with her.

Lady Wagtaile

O no! But you may know that all women rather than want
visits, they will go to those they never saw, nor spoak to: but only heares of
them, and where they live, and I can direct the Coachman to this Ladyes
Lodging, wherefore let us go.

Sir Humphrey Bold

I shall not deny to visit a Rich heiress.

Sir Roger Exception

I shall waite upon you Ladyes, but――

Lady Wagtaile

Nay, never make buts, but let’s go.

Lady Amorous

Pray let us call Sir Serious Dumb, to go along with us.

Lady Wagtaile

Faith Amorous you love his Company, because he can tell
no tales.

Sir Humphrey Bold

Pray call him not, but let him alone: for I dare sweare
he is inventing of some useless and foolish Art.

Sir Timothy Compliment

Is he so inventive say you, but if his inventions is
useless, he invents in vain.

Sir Roger Exception

Why may not a Dumb mans Inventions be as good as
a blind, for the most usefullest Artes were invented, as the learned faith, by one
born blind.

Lady Wagtaile

Me thinkes a dumb man should not have much wit, for by
my troath one that is dumb seemes to me like a fool; nay, one that speakes
but little: I cannot for my life but condemn him, or her for an Ass.

Sir Humphrey Bold

He may be a fool, although he may chance to light on
some inventions; for Artes are oftner produced from chance than wit, but let
us go and leave him.

Lady Wagtaile

Faith Sir Humphrey Bold, we must call him, or otherwise my
friend Amorous will be out of humour.

Sir Humphrey Bold

Doth she love silence so well.

Lady Wagtaile

No, no, it is that she loves secrecy so well.

Chorus

Mistriss Acquaintance

How do you know the Lord Singularity is such a
gallant man? For he hath been out of the Kingdom this 7. yeares;
wherefore, you could have no acquaintance, you being yet very young.

Lady Orphant

Although I have no acquaintance by sight, or experienced
knowledge; yet by report I have: for I remembred I heard my Father say,
he was the honour of the Age, the glory of our Nation; and a pattern for all
mankind to take a sample from, and that his person was answerable to his
merrits, for he said he was a very handsome man, of a Masculine presence, a
Courtly garbe, and affable and courteous behaviour; and that his wit was
answerable to his merits, person, and behaviour, as that he had a quick wit, a
solid judgment, a ready tongue and a smooth speech.

Mrs. Acquaintance

And did your Father proffer you to be his wife.

Lady Orphant

Yes, and I remember my father sighing said, he should have
died in peace, and his soul would have rested in quiet, if he had been pleased
to have accepted of me.

Mrs. Acquaintance

When did your Father proffer you.

Lady Orphant

When I was but a Child.

Mrs. Acquaintance

He is not married, and therefore he may chance to accept
of you now, if you were profer’d.

Lady Orphant

That were but to be refused again, for I heare he is resolved
never to marry, and it will be a greater disgrace to be refused now I am grown
to womans Estate, than when I was but a Child, besides my Father is dead,
and my marrying can give him no content in the grave; unless his soul could
view the world and the severall actions therein.

Mrs. Acquaintance

So, is his Father dead.

Lady Orphant

Yes, and I here that is the cause he cares not to return into
his native Country.

Mrs. Acquaintance

I have a friend that hath his picture.

Lady Orphant

Is it a he or a she friend.

Mrs. Acquaintance

A she friend.

Lady Orphant

Pray be so much my friend, as to get your friends consent to
shew me the Picture.

Mrs. Acquaintance

Perchance I may get it to view it my self, but I shall
never perswade her to lend it you, jealousy will forbid her.

Lady Orphant

She hath no cause to fear me, for I am not one to make an
Amorous Mrs. and I have heard he will never marry.

Mrs. Acquaintance

That is all one; woman hath hopes as much as feares,
or doubts what ever men doth vow for, or against.

Lady Orphant

Pray send to her to lend it you, and then you may shew
it me.

Mrs. Acquaintance

I will try if she will trust me with it.

Lady Orphant

O Heaven, grant that the praise my Father gave this Lord whilst in the
world he lived, prove not as curses to me his Child, so grieve his soul with my
unhappy life.

Mistriss Reformer

Madam, now you are become a Mrs. of a Family, you
must learn to entertain visitants, and not be so bashfull as you were
wont to be, insomuch as you had not confidence to look a stranger in the face,
were they never so mean persons.

Lady Bashfull

Alas Reformer, it is neither their birth, breeding, wealth, or
title, that puts me out of Countenance; for a poor Cobler will put me as
much out of Countenance as a Prince; or a poor Semestress, as much as a
great Lady.

Mrs. Reformer

What is it then?

Lady Bashfull

Why there are unacustomated faces, and unaquainted
humours.

Mrs. Reformer

By this reason, you may be as much out of countenance as
an unacustomed Dogg, or Cat, that you never saw before; or any other beast.

Lady Bashfull

O no, for mankind is worse natured than beasts, and beasts
better natured than men; besides beasts lookes not with censuring eyes, nor
heares, or listens with inquisitive eares, nor speakes with detracting tongues,
nor gives false judgment, or spitefull censures, or slandering reproaches, nor
jeeres, nor laughs at innocent or harmless Errours, nor makes every little
mistake a crime.

Page

Madam, there is a Coachfull of gallants allighted at the gate.

Lady Bashfull

For heavens sake, say I have no desire to be seen.

Reformer

No, say my Lady is full of grief and is not fit to receive visits.

The Lady Wagtaile.The Lady Amorous.Sir Roger Exception.Sir Humphry Bolde.Sir Serious Dumbe.Sir Timothy Complement.[Speaker label not present in original source]

Where is the Lady Bashfull, pray Gentlewoman tell her we are come to kiss her hands.

Lady Wagtaile

Will you do us the favour old Gentlewoman, as to let the
Lady know we are here.

Reformer

If I am not so old as to be insensible, this is she.

Lady Wagtaile

Is this she, alas good Lady, she is not well, for surely she
hath a fit of an Ague upon her, she doth so shake; you should give her a Carduus-possit
and put her to bed.

Lady Amorous

Lady, are you sick.

Lady Wagtaile

She is sick indeed, if she be speechless.

Reformer

Madam, pray pull up your spirits, and entertain this honourable Company.

Lady Wagtaile

Why is the defect in her spirits.

Reformer

She is young and bashfull.――

The Lady Wagtaile.The Lady Amorous.Sir Humphry Bolde.Sir Timothy Complement.[Speaker label not present in original source]

Ha! Ha! She is out of countenance.

Sir Roger Exception

No she is angry, because we are strangers unknown
unto her; and she takes it for a rudeness that we are come to visit her, therefore
let us be gone.

Lady Amorous

Let me tell you, it is meer shamefacedness.

Sir Roger Exception

I say no, for those that are angry will shake extreamly,
and turn as pale as death.

Sir Humphrey Bold

Lady, take courage, and look upon us with a confident
brow.

Reformer

Lord, Madam! will you make your self ridiculous.

Lady Bashfull

I cannot help it, for my thoughts are consumed in the fiery
flame of my blushes; and my words are smothered in the smoak of shame.

Lady Wagtaile

O! she speakes, she speakes a little.

Reformer

Pray Madam leave her at this time, and if you honour her with
your Company again, she may chance to entertain you with some confidence.

Lady Wagtaile

Pray let me and Sir Humphry Bold come and visit her once a
day, if it be but halfe an hour at a time, and we shall cure her I warrant thee.

Reformer

I wish she were cured of this imperfection.

Sir Humphry Bold

She must marry, she must marry, for there is no cure like
a husband, for husbands beget confidence, and their wives are brought a bed
with impudence.

Lady Wagtaile

By your favour Sir Humphry Bold, marriage must give way
or place to courtship, for there are some wives as simply bashfull as Virgins;
but when did you ever see, or know, or hear of courtly lovers, or Amorous
courtships, to be bashfull: Their eyes are as piercing as light, and twinckles as
Starrs, and their countenance as confident as day; and the discourses is freer
than wind.

Sir Humphry Bold

And your imbraces are wondrous kind.

Lady Wagtaile

In troth we women love you men but too well, that is the
truth of it.

Sir Roger Exception

Pray Madam let us go, and not stay to anger this
young Lady as we do.

Lady Wagtaile

Farewell friend, Sir Humphry Bold and I will visit your Lady
to morrow.

Lady Wagtaile

Pray what may I call your name.

Reformer

My name is Reformer.

Lady Wagtaile

Good Mrs. Reformer, I am heartily glad to see you well.

Reformer

I thank your Ladyship.

Lady Bashfull

O in what a torment I have been in; hell is not like it.

Lady Orphant

Have you got the Picture?

Mrs. Acquaintance

Yes, but I have seen handsomer men in my opinion
than this Picture doth represent.

Lady Orphant

I perceive you have no judgment in the Originall, nor skill in
the Copy; for this Picture is most naturally penselled, the Painter hath
drawn it so lively. That one may perceive his noble Soul to appear through
his lovely, and lively Countenance; do but observe it well, and you will see as
much as I.

Mrs. Acquaintance

That is impossible, unless I had your heart, for though
my skill of the Copy, or shadow, may be as much as yours, yet my affections
to the Originall is less; which makes my eyes not partiall.

Lady Orphant

What will the owner take for that Picture?

Mrs. Acquaintance

She will not sell it at any rate:.

Lady Orphant

I wish she would, for I would buy it at any price.

Mrs. Acquaintance

She prizes it as highly as you, loving him as much; or
well (as you do.)

Lady Orphant

How know you that?

Mrs. Acquaintance

Because I know she hath given him proofs of her love,
which I believe you never did.

Lady Orphant

You mistake lust for love, ambition, for merit, I love not
for the bodyes sake, but for the soules pure spirit.

1. Merchant

I hear the Lord Singularity hath given the Turkes a great defeat,
he is both a wise, prudent, and valiant man.

2. Merchant

Methinkes our Nation should not suffer such a person as he,
to hazard his life in the service of other Countryes.

1. Merchant

O it is an honour to our Nation, to let the world know what
gallant men it breeds, besides our Nation is in peace with all the world;
and he being active, hates to live idly, and dully at home, although he have a
great estate, and is well beloved in his Country.

2. Merchant

What command doth the Venetians give him?

1. Merchant

He is a Generall, for he commands a great Army.

2. Merchant

Is he marryed?

1. Merchant

No, and it is reported he never will marry, but he loves
Mistrisses well, which all Souldiers doth for the most part.

2. Merchant

Then Italy is the best Countrey in the world for a souldier,
there being the greatest store and most variety of Curtezans, for many of the
Italians are, as many are in other Nations, rather Carpet-Knights, then fighting
souldiers, they have more skill in setting musicall notes, than pitching a battle;
in kissing a Mistrisses hand with a good grace, than shooting of a Cannon
bullet with a great courage; they can take better aime at a window, than of
an enemy. And though they often receive woundes, yet they are from fair
Venus, not from cruell Mars.

1. Merchant

But Mars souldiers when they skirmish in loves duels, receives
woundes as often from fair Venus, as other men; and Italy hath as many
gallant valliant men, bred and born in her, as any other Nation; and there are
as many Carpet-Knights in other Nations, as in Italy; and if valiant, and
gallant men be indued with vertue, they are not the less to be esteemed;
and as for Curtizans, all Nations is stored as much as Italy, but they do not so
openly prefess it, as those in Italy doth.

2. Merchant

For my part, I cannot think they are so good Souldiers as they
were in Cæsars time.

1. Merchant

That may be, for there is no such souldiers as Cæsars souldiers
were, no not in the world; that is, there are no men so patient, obedient, carefull,
industrious, laborious, daring, adventurous, resolute, and active, in these
Warrs, in this age, as the Romans were in Cæsars time; and of all the souldiers,
Cæsars souldiers were the best, and of all commanders Cæsar himself, yet
those warriers was not less courtly to the feminine sex, than these of this age;
and if you did talk with an understanding Souldier, he would tell you that
Amors gave an edge to courage, and that it is a mark of a gallant man, and a
brave souldier to be an Amarato; and as for the Curtizans of Italy, if there can
be an honest act in a dishonest life, it is that the Curtizans in Italy professes what
they are; so that men are not deceived by them, nor betrayed into marriage;
wherein other Nations men are cozened with counterfeit modesty, and drawn
into marriage by pretended chastity, and then dishonoured by foul adultery,
or shamed by marrying a private Curtizan, not knowing she was so.

2. Merchant

I perceive by thee, that Merchants loves a Mistris as well as
a Souldier.

1. Merchant

Surely by thy talk thou are ignorant of thy own profession,
which is to trade, and traffick into all Nations, and with all sorts; but yet,
Merchants may be Souldiers if they will, and Souldiers may be Merchants
if they please; but the truth is all men in the world are Merchants.

2. Merchant

No, beggars are not.

1. Merchant

But they are, for they traffick with prayers and praises for
almes.

2. Merchant

The best Merchants I know are Priests, for they trade into
Heaven; and traffick with Jove.

1. Merchant

That makes them so poor, for heavens commoditie are not saleable on earth.

Lady Orphant

Dear Nurse and Foster Father, grant to my desires and assist
my designs.

Nurse Fondly

What to let you wander about the world like a Vagabond,
besides it is against the modesty of your Sex.

Lady Orphant

Are holy Pilgrimes Vagabonds, or is it immodest for the
bodies of devout soules to travell to the sacred Tombe to offer penetentiall
tears.

Nurse Fondly

Why, you are no Pilgrime, nor is your journey to a
godly end.

Lady Orphant

My journey will be to an honest end, for though I am loves
Pilgrime, yet I shall travell to an honest heart; there to offer my pure
affections.

Nurse Fondly

To a deboist man, there to offer your Virginity.

Lady Orphant

Mistake me not, for though I love beyond a common rate,
even to an extream degree, yet I am chastly honest, and so shall ever be; my
grave shall witness my constancy.

Foster Trusty

Beshrew your tongue wife for speaking so sharply to our
young Lady, she was left to our trust, care, and tender usage, and not to be
snapt and quarrelled with.

Nurse Fondly

Yes, and you would betray your trust to her childish folly.

Foster Trusty

No that I would not, neither would I venture or yield up her
life to loves melancholly.

Nurse Fondly

Come, Come husband, you humour her too much, and that
will spoile her I am sure.

Lady Ignorant

Lord Husband! I can never have your company, for you
are at all times writing, or reading, or turning your Globes, or peaking
thorough your Prospective Glasse, or repeating Verses, or speaking Speeches
to your self.

Sir P. Studious

Why wife, you may have my company at any time; Nay,
never to be from me if you please, for I am alwaies at home.

Lady Ignorant,.

’Tis true, your person is alwaies at home, and fixt to one
place, your Closet as a dull dead statue to the side of a wall, but your mind
and thoughts are alwaies abroad.

Sir P. Studious.

The truth is, my mind sometimes sends out my thoughts
like Coye ducks, to bring more understanding in.

Lady Ignorant,.

You mistake Husband, for your thoughts are like vain, or
rather like false Scouts that deceives your understanding, imprisons your senses,
and betrayes your life to a dull solitariness.

Sir P. Studious

’Tis better to live a quiet solitary life, than a troublesome
and an uneasie life.

Lady Ignorant

What is a man born for, but to serve his Countrey, side with
his friends, and to please the effeminate Sex.

Sir P. Studious

You say right wife, and to serve his Countrey, is to finde
out such inventions as is usefull either in Peace or War; and to form, order
and settle Common-wealths by Denizing Laws, which none but studious
brains e’re did, or can do. Tis true, practice doth pollish beauty and adorn,
but neither layes the Foundation, nor brings the Materials, nor builds the walls
thereof; and to side with friends, is to defend Right and Truth with sound
arguments and strong proofs, from the tyrannical usurpation of false opinions,
vain phantasmes, malicious satires, and flattering oratorie, and to please the
effeminate Sex, is to praise their beauty, wit, vertue and good graces in soft
Numbers, and smooth Language, building up Piramides of poetical praises,
Printing their fame thereon, by which they live to After-ages.

Lady Ignorant

Prithy Husband mistake us not, for women cares not for
wide mouthed fame; and we take more delight to speak our selves whilst we
live, than to be talked of when we are dead, and to take our present pleasures,
than to abstain our selves for After-ages.

Sir P. Studeous

Well wife, what would you have me do?

Lady Ignorance

Why, I would have you so sociable, as to sit and discourse
with our friends and acquaintance, and play the good fellow amongst them.

Sir P. Studious

What need we to have any other friends than our selves;
our studies, books and thoughts.

Lady Ignorance

Your studies, books and thoughts, are but dull acquaintance,
melancholly companions, and weak friends.

Sir P. Studious

You do not wife consider their worth; for books are
conversable, yet silent acquaintance, and study, is a wise Counsellor; and
kind friends, and poetical thoughts are witty Companions, wherein other Societies
and Companies are great inconveniences, and oftimes produces evil
effects, as Jealousie, Adulterie, Quarrels, Duels, and Death, besides slanders,
backbitings and the like.

Lady Ignorance

Truly Husband, you are strangely mistaken; for those Societies
as I would have you frequent, doth Sing, Dance, Rallie, make Balls
Masks, Playes, Feasts, and the like, and also makes Frollicks or Rubices, or
Playes, at Questions and Commands, Purposes or Ridles, and twenty such
like Pastimes and fine sports they have.

Sir P. Studious

But surely Wife you would not like this kind of life, nor
I neither; especially if we were in one and the same Company; for perchance
you may hear wanton Songs sung, and see amorous glances, or rude or immodest
Actions, and when you dance, have a secret nip, and gentle gripe of the E2r 15 the hand silently to declare their amorous affections; and when you are at
Questions or Commands, you will be commanded to kiss the men, or they you,
which I shall not like, neither should you; or if they are commanded to pull
of your Garter, which no chast and modest woman will suffer, nor no gallant
man, or honourable husband will indure to stand by to see, and if you refuse,
you disturb the rest of the Company, and then the women falls out with you
in their own defence, and the men takes it as an affront, and disgrace, by reason
none refuses but you; This causes quarrels with Strangers, or quarrels betwixt
our selves.

Lady Ignorant,.

’Tis true, if the Company were not Persons of Quality
which were civilly bred; but there is no rude Actions, or immodest behaviours
offered or seen amongst them; Besides, if you do not like those sports,
you may play at Cardes or Dice to pass away the time.

Sir P. Studious

But Wife, let me examine you, have or do you frequent
these Societies that you speak so Knowingly, Learnedly, and Affectionately
of?

Lady Ignorance

No otherwise Husband, but as I have heard, which reports
makes me desire to be acquainted with them.

Sir P. Studious

Well, you shall, and I will bear you company, to be an
Eye-witness how well you behave your self, and how you profit thereby.

Lady Ignorance

Pray Husband do, for it will divert you from your too serious
studies, and deep thoughts, which feeds upon the health of your body,
which will shorten your life; and I love you so well, as I would not have you
dye, for this I perswade you to, is for your good.

Sir P. Studious

We will try how good it is.

Nurse Fondly

How shall I keep your Journey secret, but that every body
will know of it.

Foster Trusty

We will give out that such a deep melancholly have seized
on her, since her Fathers death, as she hath made a vow not to see any creature
besides your self for two years; As for me, I have lived so solitary a life
with my solitary Master, this Ladies Father, that I have few or no acquaintance;
besides, I will pretend some business into some other parts of the Kingdom,
and I having but a little Estate, few will inquire after me.

Nurse Fondly

So in the mean time I must live solitary, all alone, without
my Husband, or Nurse-childe, which Childe, Heaven knows, I love better,
than if I had one living of my own.

Foster Trusty

I am as fond of her, as you are, and Heaven knows,
would most willingly sacrifice my old life, could it do her any service.

Nurse Fondly

But we indanger her life, by the consenting to this journey,
for she that hath been bred with tenderness and delicateness, can never indure
the coldes and heats, the dirt and dust that Travellers are subject to; Besides,
to be disturbed and broaken of her sleep, and to have ill Lodging, or perhaps
none at all, and then to travel a foot like a Pilgrim: Her tender feet will
never indure the hard ground, nor her young legs never able to bear her body
so long a journey.

Foster Trusty

Tis true, this journey may very much incommode her, yet if
she doth not go to satisfie her mind, I cannot perceive any hopes of life, but
do foresee her certain death; for her mind is so restless, and her thoughts
works so much upon her body, as it begins to waste, for she is become lean
and pale.

Nurse Fondly

Well! Heaven bless you both, and prosper your journey, but
pray let me hear often from you, for I shall be in great frights and fears.

Foster Trusty

If we should write, it may chance to discover us, if our Letters
should be opened, wherefore you must have patience.

Lady Bashfull

Reformer, I am little beholding to you.

Reformer

Why Madam.

Lady Bashfull

Why, you might have told a lye for me once in your life, for
if you had not spoke the truth by saying I was the Lady, they came to see,
they would never have guest I had been she, for they expected me to have
been a free bold Entertainer, as they were Visitors, which is, as I do perceive,
to be rudely familiar at first sight.

Reformer

But to have told a lye, had been to commit a sin.

Lady Bashfull

In my conscience the Gods would have forgiven you, nay,
they would have blest you; For it is a most pious and charitable act in helping
the distressed; Besides, you had not only helped a present distress, but
released a whole life out of misery; for as long as I live my thoughts will
torment me: O! They wound my very soul already, they will hinder my
pious devotions; For when I pray, I shall think more of my bashfull behaviour,
and the disgrace I have received thereby, than of Heaven; Besides,
they will starve me, not suffering the meat to go down my throat, or else to
choke me, causing it to go awry, or else they will cause a Feaver; for in my
conscience I shall blush even in my sleep, if I can sleep; For certainly I shall
dream of my disgrace, which will be as bad as a waking memory: O! that
I had Opium, I would take it, that I might forget all things; For as long as I
have memory, I shall remember my simple behaviour, and as for my Page, he
shall go, I am resolved to turn him away.

Reformer

Why madam?

Lady Bashfull

Because he let them come in.

Reformer

He could not help it, for they followed him at the heels, they never F1r 17 they never stayed for an answer from you, or to know whether you were
within or no, and there were a great many of them.

Lady Bashfull

I think there was a Legion of them.

Reformer

You speak as if they were a Legion of Angels.

Lady Bashfull

Nay, they proved a Legion of Divels to me.

Reformer

There was one that seemed to be a fine Gentleman, but he spake
not a word.

Lady Bashfull

They may be all what you will make them, or describe them,
for I could make no distinction whether they were men or women, or beasts,
nor heard no articulated sound, only a humming noise.

Reformer

They spake loud enough to have pierced your ears, if strength of
noise could have done it, but the Gentleman that did not speak, looked so
earnestly at you, as if he would have looked you thorough.

Lady Bashfull,.

O that his eyes had that piercing faculty, for then perchance
he might have seen; I am not so simple as my behaviour made me appear.

Sir Peaceable Studious

I have lost 500. pounds since you went in with the
Ladies.

Lady Ignorance

500. Pounds in so short a time.

Sir P. Studious

’Tis well I lost no more: But yet, that 500. pounds would
have bought you a new Coach, or Bed, or Silver Plate, or Cabinets, or Gowns,
or fine Flanders-laces, and now its gone, and we have no pleasure nor credit for
it, but it is no matter, I have health for it, therefore I will call to my Steward to
bring me some more.

Lady Ignorance

No, do not so, for after the rate you have lost, you will lose
all your Estate in short time.

Sir P. Studious

Faith let it go, ’tis but begging or starving after it is gone,
for I have no trade to live by, unless you have a way to get a living, have
you any.

Lady Ignorance

No truly Husband, I am a shiftless creature.

Sir. P. Studious

Yes, but you may play the Whore, and I the Shark, so
live by couzening and cheating.

Lady Ignorance

Heaven defend Husband.

Sir P. Studious

Or perchance some will be so charitable to give us suck’d
bones from stinking breaths, and rotten teeth, or greasie scraps from fowl
hands; But go wife, prithy bid my Steward send me 500. pounds more, or
let it alone; I will run on the score, and pay my losings at a lump.

Lady Ignorance

No dear Husband, play no more.

Sir P. Studious

How! not play any more say you, shall I break good Company
with sitting out; Besides, it is a question whether I have power to leave
off, now I have once begun; for Play is Witch-craft, it inchants temperance,
prudence, patience, reason and judgment, and it kicks away time, and bids him F go F1v 18 go as an old bald-pated fellow as he is, also it chains the life with fears, cares
and griefs of losing to a pair of Cards and set of Dice.

Lady Ignorance

For Heaven sake pitty me! If you consider not your
self.

Sir P. Studious

Can you think a Husband considers his wife, when he forgets,
or regards not himself, when all love is self-love, for a man would have
his Wife to be loving and chaste for his honours sake, to be thrifty for his profit
sake, to be patient for quiet sake, to be cleanly, witty and beautifull for his
pleasure sake, and being thus, he loves her; For if she be false, unkind, prodigal,
froward, sluttish, foolish, and ill-favoured, he hates her.

Lady Ignorant

But if a Husband loves his wife, he will be carefull to please
her, prudent for her, subsistence, industrious for her convenience, valiant to
protect her, and conversable to entertain her, and wise to direct and guide
her.

Sir P. Studious

To rule and govern her, you mean wife.

Lady Ignorance

Yes, but a Husbands follies will be but corrupt Tutors, and
ill Examples for a wife to follow; wherefore dear Husband, play no more,
but come amongst the effeminate Societie, you will finde more pleasure at less
charges.

Sir. P. Studious

Well wife, You shall perswade me for this time.

Lady Ignorance

I thank you Husband.

Foster Trusty

My childe, you were best sit and rest your self, you cannot
chose but be very weary, for we have travelled a great journey to day.

Lady Orphant

Truly I am as fresh, and my spirits are as lively, as if I had
not trod a step to day.

Foster Trusty

I perceive love can work miracles.

Lady Orphant

Are not you Father a weary?

Foster Trusty

It were a shame for me to be weary, when you are not; But
my childe, we must change these Pilgrims weeds, when we are out of our
own Countrey; as when we are in Italy, otherwise we cannot pretend to stay
in the Venetian Armie, but must travel as Pilgrims do to Jerusalem: But it were
best we put our selves into Beggers garments until we come into the Armie,
for fear we should be strip’d by Thieves; for I have heard, Thieves will strip
Travellers, if their cloths be not all ragges.

Lady Orphant

’Tis true, and Thieves as I have heard, will rob Pilgrims
soonest, finding many good Pilladge, wherefore we will accoutre our selves
like to ragged Beggers.

Reformer

Lord Madam! I hope you are not seriously troubled for being
out of Countenance.

Lady Bashfull

Yes truely.

Reformer

What? as to make you melancholly!

Lady Bashfull

Yes, very melancholly, when I think I have made my self a
scorn,Open note er009-rotaWWP note: While the errata list in the text indicates the word corn on page 19 should be read sscorn, our copy already reads scorn. and hath indangered my reputation.

Reformer

Your reputation! Heaven bless you, but your life is so innocent,
harmless, chaste, pure and sweet, and your actions so just and honest, as all the
Divels in Hell cannot indanger your reputation.

Lady Bashfull

But spitefull tongues, which are worse than Divels, may hurt
my reputation.

Reformer

But spite cannot have any thing to say.

Lady Bashfull

Spite will lye, rather than not speak, for envie is the mother
to spite, and slander is the Mid-wife.

Reformer

Why, what can they say?

Lady Bashfull

They will say I am guilty of some immodest act, or at least
thoughts, or else of some heynous and horrid crime, otherwise I could not be
ashamed, or out of countenance, if I were innocent.

Reformer

They cannot say ill, or think ill, but if they could, and did, what
are you the worse, as long as, you are innocent.

Lady Bashfull

Yes truely, for I desire to live in a pure esteem, and an honourable
respect in every breast, and to have a good report spoke on me, since I deserve
no other.

Reformer

There is an old saying, that opinion travels without a Passe-port,
and they that would have every ones good opinion, must live in every mans
age: But I am very confident, there is none lives or dyes without censures, or
detraction; even the Gods themselves, that made man, hath given man power
and free will to speak, at least to think what they will; That makes so many
Atheists in thought, and so many several factions by disputation, and since the
Gods cannot, or will not be free from censures, why should you trouble your
self with what others say, wherefore pray put off this indiscreet and troublesome
humour, for if you would not regard censure, you would be more confident.

Lady Bashfull

I will do what I can to mend.

Foster

Childe, you must beg of every one that comes by, otherwise we
shall not seem right Beggers.

Lady Orphant

If our necessities were according to our outward appearance,
we were but in a sad condition; for I shall never get any thing by begging,
for I have neither learn’d the tone, nor the Beggers phrase to move pity or charity.

Foster Trusty

Few Beggers move pity, they get more by importunity, than
by their oratorie, or the givers charity.

Lady Orphant

Noble Gentlemen, pity the shiftless youth, and infirm old
age that hath no means to live, but what compassionate charity will bestow.

1. Gentleman

You are a young boy, and may get your living by learning to
work.

Lady Orphant

But my Father being very old, is past working, and I am so
young, as I have not arrived to a learning degree of age, and by that time I
have learn’d to get my living, my Father may be starved for want of food.

2. Gent

Why, your Father may beg for himself whilst you learn to
work.

Lady Orphant

My Father’s feeble legs can never run after the flying speed
of pityless hearts, nor can he stand so long to wait for conscience almes, nor
knock so hard to make devotion hear.

1. Gent

I perceive you have learn’d to beg well, though not to work, and
because you shall know my devotion is not deaf, there is something for your
Father and you.

2. Gent

Nay, faith boy, thou shalt have some of the scraps of my charity
to, there is for thee.

Lady Orphant

Heaven bless you; and grant to you, all your good desires.

Lady Orphant

Honourable Lady, let the mouth of necessity suck the breast
of your charity to feed the hungry Beggers.

Lady

Away you rogue, a young boy and beg! You should be strip’d,
whip’d, and set to work.

Lady Orphant

Alas Madam, naked poverty is alwaies under the lash of
miserie, which forceth us to work in the quarries of stony hearts, but we finde
the mineral so hard, as we cannot get out enough to build up a livelyhood.

Lady

Imploy your selves upon some other work then.

Lady Orphant

Good Sir relieve a poor begger.

Trades-man

Faith boy, I am so poor, as I want relief my self; yet of what
I have, thou shalt share with me; there is a peny of my two pence, which is
all I have, and Heaven do thee good with it.

Lady Orphant

I perceive poverty pities poverty, as feeling the like miserie,
where riches is cruel, and hard-hearted, not knowing what want is.

Foster Trusty

I perceive wit can work upon every thing, and can form it
self into what shape it please, and thy wit playes the Begger so well, as we
needed not to have stored our selves from our own Stocks, but have lived upon
the Stocks of others.

Lady Orphant

But if all Stocks were as insipid as the Ladies, we should
have starved, if we had not brought sap from our own home; But Father,
I am weighed down with the peny the poor Trades-man gave me.

Foster Trusty

Why, it is not so heavy.

Lady Orphant

It is so heavy, as it burthens my conscience, and I shall never
be at ease, nor be able to travel any farther, until I have restored the peny to
the giver again.

Foster NurseTrusty

How should we do that, for it is as hard and difficult to find
out that man, as to finde out the first cause of effects.

Lady Orph

Well, I will play the Philosopher, and search for him.

Foster NurseTrusty

But if you should meet him, perchance you will not know he
was he.

Lady Orph

O yes, for his extraordinary charity made me take particular
notice of him.

Lady Orph

Most charitable and ――

Trades-man

What boy, wouldst thou have the other peny,.

Lady Orph

Most noble Sir, I have received from a bountifull hand, a summe
of money, and since you were so charitable to divide the half of your store
to me, so I desire I may do the like to you.

Trades-man

No boy, keep it for thy self, and thy old Father; I have a
Trade, and shall get more.

Lady Orph

Pray take it for luck-sake, otherwise I shall never thrive.

Trades-man

Faith I finde boy, thou are not as most of the World are;
the more riches they get, the more covetous they grow.

Lady Orph

Sir, pray take this.

Trades-man

What do you give me here, a piece of Gold?

Lady Orph

Yes Sir.

Trades-man

That were extortion, to take a pound for a peny.

Lady Orph

No, it is not extortion, since I can better spare this pound now,
than you could your peny, when you gave it me; wherefore it is but justice,.

Trades-man

Well, I will keep it for thee, and when you want it, come to G me G1v 22 me again, and you shall have it: I live in the next street, at the signe of the
Holy-lamb.

Lady Orphant

Pray make use of it, for I may chance never to see you
more.

Sir P. Studious

Faith Wife, with sipping of your Gossiping-cups, I am
half drunk.

Lady Ignorance

Lord Husband! There were some of the Ladies that
drank twice as much as you did, and were not drunk, and to prove they were
not drunk, was that they talked as much before they drunk, as after; For
there was such a confusion of words, as they could not understand each other,
and they did no more, when they had drunk a great quantity of Wine.

Sir P. Studious

That was a signe they were drunk, that they talked less,
but how chance that you drank so little.

Lady Ignorance

Truly, Wine is so nauseous to my taste, and so hatefull to
my nostrils, as I was sick when the cup was brought to me.

Sir P. Studious

I know not what it was to you, but to me it was pleasant,
for your Ladies were so gamesome, merry and kind, as they have fired me
with amorous love ever since.

Maid

Madam, the Lady Wagtail, and other Ladies, have sent to know if
your Ladyship were within, that they might come and wait upon you.

Sir P. Studious

Faith Nan, thou art a pretty wench.

Lady Ignorance

What Husband? Do you kiss my maid before my
face.

Sir P. Studious

Why not Wife, as well as one of your sociable Ladies in
a frollick, as you kiss me, I kiss Nan.

Lady Ignorance

So, and when Nan kisses your Barber, he must kiss me.

Sir. P. Studious

Right, this is the kissing frollick, and then comes the
stricking frollick, for you strike Nan, Nan gently strikes me, and I justly beat
you, and end the frollicks with a ――

Lady Wagtail

What? a man and his Wife dully alone together! Fie for
shame.

Lady Amorous

Lawfull love is the dullest and drouziest companion that is,
for Wives are never thought fair, nor Husbands witty.

Sir P. Studious

Your Ladyship is learned in loves Societies.

Lady Amorous

Yes that I am, for I have observed, that if there be a match’d
company, every man having a woman, their conversation is dull, every mans
tongue whispering in his Mistriss eare, whilst the women are mute, listening
to that which is whispered unto them; but let there be but one man amongst
a company of women, and then their tongues runs races, striving with each
other, which shall catch that one man, as the only prize, when the weaker
wits runs themselves straite out of breath.

Sir P. Studious

And must not one man run against them all.

Lady Amorous

O yes? and many times his wit beats them all.

Sir. P. Studious

Faith Lady? They must not be such strong winded wits
as yours is, which is able to beat a dozen Masculine wits out of the
field.

Lady Amorous

You are pleased to give me a complement.

Lady Wagtaile

The merry God have mercy on you? What makes you
so melancholly.

Lady Ignorance

I am not well to day.

Lady Wagtail

If you are troubled with melancholly vapours, arising from
crude humours, you must take as soon as you wake after your first sleep, a
draught of Wormwood-wine, then lye to sleep again, and then half an hour
before you rise, drink a draught of Jelley-broth, and after you have been up
an hour and half, eate a White-wine-caudle, then a little before a dinner,
take a Toste and Sack, and at your meals, two or three good glasses of Clarret-
wine; as for your Meats, you must eate those of light digestion, as Pheasant,
Partridges, Cocks, Snipes, Chickens, young Turkies, Pea-chickens and the like;
And in the After-noon, about four or five a clock, you must take Naples-
bisket dip’d in Ippocrass, which helps digestion much, and revives the spirits,
and makes one full of discourse, and not only to discourse, but to discourse wittily,
and makes one such good company, as invites acquaintance, and ties
friendship.

Lady Amorous

Faith I will tell your Wife what you say.

Lady Wagtail

That is fowl play, and not done like one of the Society, especially
when my Lady is not well.

Lady Amorous

What? Is she sick! I lay my life she hath eate too much
Branne Sturgeon, or Sammon without muskadine or Sack, or Neats-tongues,
Bakon and Anchoves, Caveare, or Lobsters, without Rhenish-wines, or Oysters,
or Sausages without Clarret-wine, or hath she eaten Potatoe-pies without
dates, Ringo-roots, Marrow and Chestnuts, have you not? i faith confess.

Lady Ignorance

No indeed.

Lady Amorous

Why? I hope you have not taken a surfeit of White-
meats, those childish meats, or with Water-grewel, Ponado, Barley-grewel,
those Hodge-podgely meats.

Lady Ignorance

Neither. ――

Lady Amorous

Why, then you have over-heated your self with dancing G2 or G2v 24 or fretting and vexing your self at your ill fortune at Cards; or your Tayler
hath spoiled some Gown, or your Coach-man was out of the way when you
would go abroad; is it not so.

Lady Ignorance

No.

Lady Amorous

Why? Then your Husband hath crost some design, or hath
angered you some other way.

Lady Wagtail

Faith Amorous, thou hast found it out! Sir Peaceable Studious you are to be chidden to anger your Wife; wherefore tell us how you did
anger her, when you did anger her, and for what you did anger her.

Sir P. Studious

Dear, sweet, fine, fair Ladies! be not so cruel to me, as to
lay my Wives indisposition to my charge.

Lady Wagtail

But we will, and we will draw up an Accusation against
you, unless you confess, and ask pardon.

Sir P. Studious

Will you accuse me without a Witness?

Lady Wagtail

Yes, and condemne you too.

Sir P. Studious

That were unjust! if Ladies could be unjust.

Lady Amorous

O Madam! we have a witness? her blushing is a sufficient
witness to accuse him; Besides, her melancholly silence will help to condemn
him.

Lady Ignorance

Pardon me Ladies, for when any of our Sex are offended,
or angered, whether they have cause or not, they will rail louder than Joves
thunder.

Lady Amorous

So will you in time.

Lady Wagtail

Let us jumble her abroad; Come Madam! we will put
you out of your dull humour.

Lady Ignorance

No Madam? Pray excuse me to day; in truth I am not
well.

Lady Amorous

No, let us let my Lady alone, but let us take her Husband,
and tutour him.

Sir. P. Studious

Ladies, give me leave to praise my self, and let me tell you?
I am as apt a Scholar, as ever you met with, and as willing to learn.

Lady Amorous

Farewell Madam, we will order Sir P. Studious, and try
what disposition he is of, and how apt to be instructed.

Lady Ignorance

Pray do Madam, he promiseth well.

Lady Orphant

Now we are come into the Armie, how shall we demean
our selves like poor Beggers.

Foster Trusty

By no means, for though you beg well, yet you will never get what H1r 25 what you come for with begging, for there is an old saying, that although all
charity is love, yet all love is not charity.

Lady Orphant

It were the greatest charity in the World, for him to love
me; for without his love, I shall be more miserable than poverty can make
me.

Foster Trusty

But poverty is so scorned and hated, that no person is accepted
which she presents; Nay, poverty is shunn’d more than the Plague.

Lady Orphant

Why? it is not infectious.

Foster Trusty

Yes faith, for the relieving of necessity, is the way to be impoverished.

Lady Orph

But their rewards are the greater in Heaven.

Foster Trusty

’Tis true, but their Estates are less on earth.

Lady Orphant

But blessings are more to be desired than wealth.

Foster Trusty,.

Well? Heaven bless us, and send us such fortune, that our
long journey may prove successfull, and not profitless, and because Heaven never
gives blessings, unless we use a prudent industry; you shall put your self
into good clothes, and I will mix my self with his followers and servants, and
tell them, as I may truely, that you are my Son, for no mans Son but mine you
are, was so importunate, as you would never let me rest, until I brought you to
see the Lord Singularity, and they will tell him, to let him know his fame is
such, as even young children adore him, taking a Pilgrimage to see him, and
he out of a vain-glory will desire to see you.

Lady Orphant

But what advantage shall I get by that.

Foster Trusty

Peace! here is the General.

Commander

The enemie is so beaten, as now they will give us some time to
breath our selves.

General

They are more out of breath than we are, but the States are generous
enemies, if they give them leave to fetch their wind, and gather strength
again.

Lady Orphant

Father, stand you by, and let me speak.

The Lady Orphant.[Speaker label not present in original source]

Heaven bless your Excellencie.

Lord General

From whence comest thou boy?

Lady Orph

From your native Countrey.

General

Cam’st thou lately?

Lady Orph

I am newly arrived.

General

Pray how is my Countrey, and Countrey-men, live they still in
happy peace, and flourishing with plenty.

Lady Orph

There is no noise of war, or fear of famine.

General

Pray Jove continue it.

Lady Orphant

It is likely so to continue, unless their pride and luxurie begets
a factious childe, that is born with war, and fed with ruine.

General

Do you know what faction is?

Lady Orph

There is no man that lives, and feels it not, the very thoughts are
factious in the mind, and in Rebellious passions arises warring against the
soul.

General

Thou canst not speak thus by experience boy, thou art too young,
not yet at mans Estate.

Lady Orphant

But children have thoughts, and said to have a rational soul,
as much as those that are grown up to men; but if souls grow as bodies doth,
and thoughts increases with their years, then may the wars within the mind be
like to School-boys quarrels, that falls out for a toy, and for a toy are
friends.

General

Thou speakest like a Tutour, what boyish thoughts so ever thou
hast; but tell me boy? what mad’st thee travel so great a journey.

Lady Orph

For to see you.

General

To see me boy!

Lady Orph

Yes, to see you Sir, for the Trumpet of your praise did sound
so loud, it struck my ears, broke open my heart, and let desire forth, which
restless grew until I travelled hither.

General

I wish I had merits to equal thy weary steps, or means for to reward
them.

Lady Orph

Your presence hath sufficiently rewarded me.

General

Could I do thee any service boy?

Lady Orph

A bounteous favour you might do me Sir?

General

What is that boy?

Lady Orph

To let me serve you, Sir.

General

I should be ingratefull to refuse thee, chose thy place.

Lady Orph

Your Page, Sir, if you please.

General

I accept of thee most willingly.

Captain

But Sir? may not this boy be a lying, couzening, flattering dissembling,
treacherous boy.

General

Why Captain, there is no man that keeps many servants, but some
are lyers, and some treacherous, and all flatterers; and a Master receives as
much injurie from each particular, as if they were joyned in one.

Lady Orph

I can bring none that will witness for my truth, or be bound for
my honesty, but my own words.

General

I desire none, boy, for thy tongue sounds so sweetly, and thy face
looks so honestly, as I cannot but take, and trust thee.

Lady Orph

Heaven bless your Excellence, and fortune prosper you, for your
bounty hath been above my hopes, and equal to my wishes.

General

What is thy name?

Lady Orph

Affectionata my Noble Lord.

General

Then follow me Affectionata.

Page

Madam, there was a Gentleman gave me this Letter, to deliver to
your Ladyships hands.

Lady Bashfull

A Letter! pray Reformer open it, and read it; for I will not
receive Letters privately.

Reformer

The superscription is for the Right Honourable, the Lady Bashfull;
these present. “The Letter. Madam, Since I have had the honour to see you, I have had the unhappiness to think my
self miserable, by reason I am deprived of speech, that should plead my suit, but if an
affectionate soul, chaste thoughts, lawfull desires, and a fervent heart can plead without
speech, let me beg your favour to accept of me for your servant; and what I
want in Language, my industrious observance, and diligent service shall supply; I
am a Gentleman, my breeding hath been according to my birth, and my Estate is sufficient
to maintain me according to both; As for your Estate, I consider it not, for
were you so poor of fortunes goods, as you had nothing to maintain you, but what
your merit might challenge out of every purse; yet if you were mine, I should esteem
you richer than the whole World, and I should love you, as Saints love Heaven, and
adore you equal to a Dietie; for I saw so much sweetness of nature, nobleness of
soul, purity of thoughts, and innocency of life, thorough your Bashfull countenance,
as my soul is wedded thereunto, and my mind so restless; therefore, that unless I
may have hopes to injoy you for my Wife; I shall dye, Your distracted Servant, Serious Dumb.”

Lady Bashfull

Now Reformer, what say you to this Letter?

Reformer

I say it is a good honest, hearty affectionate Letter, and upon my
life, it is the Gentleman I commended so; he that looked so seriously on you;
and your Ladyship may remember, I said he viewed you, as if he would have
looked you thorough, and you made answer, that you wished he could, that
he might see you were not so simple, as your behaviour made you appear, and
now your wish is absolved.

Lady Bashfull

What counsel will you give me in this cause?

Reformer

Why? write him a civil answer.

Lady Bashfull

Why should I hold corespondence with any man; either by
Letter, or any other way, since I do not intend to marry.

Reformer

Not marry?

Lady Bashfull

No, not marry.

Reformer

Why so?

Lady Bashfull

Because I am now Mistriss of my self, and fortunes, and have
a free liberty; and who that is free, if they be wise, will make themselves
slaves, subjecting themselves to anothers humour, unless they were fools, or
mad, and knew not how to chose the best and happiest life.

Reformer

You will change this opinion, and marry, I dare swear.

Lady Bashfull

Indeed I will not swear, but I think I shall not, for I love an
easie, peaceable and solitary life, which none injoys but single persons, for in
marriage, the life is disturbed with noise and company, troublesome imployments,
vex’d with crosses, and restless with cares; Besides, I could not indure
to have Parteners to share of him, whom my affections had set a price upon,
or my merit, or beauty, or wealth, or vertue had bought.

Reformer

So, I perceive you would be jealouse, if you were married.

Lady Bashfull

Perchance I might have reason, but to prevent all inconveniences,
and discontents, I will live a single life.

Reformer

Do what likes you best, for I dare not perswade you any way,
for fear my advice should not prove to the best.

Foster Trusty

Now you are placed according to your desire, what wil you
command me to do?

Affectionata

Dear Foster Father, although I am loth to part from you, yet
by reason I shall suffer in my estate, I must intreat you to return home, for my
Nurse your wife, hath not skill to manage that fortune my Father left me; for
she knows not how to let Leases, to set Lands, to receive Rents, to repair Ruines,
to disburst Charges, and to order those affairs as they should be ordered;
which your knowledge, industry and wisdom will dispose and order for my advantage.

Foster Trusty

But how if you be discovered.

Affectionata

Why, if I should, as I hope I shall not, yet the Lord Singularity
is so noble a person, as he will neither use me uncivily, nor cruelly.

Foster Trusty

All that I fear is, if you should be discovered, he should use
you too civilly.

Affectionata

That were to use me rudely, which I am confident he will not
do, and I am confident that you do believe I will receive no more civillity (if
you call it so) than what honour will allow and approve of.

Foster Trusty

But jealousie will creep into the most confident breasts sometimes,
yet I dare trust you, though I fear him.

Affectionata

I hope there is no cause to fear him, or doubt me, wherefore
dear Father, let us go and settle our affairs here, that you may return home to
order those there.

Sir P. Studious

In truth wife, it is a great misfortune you should be sick
this Term-time, when the Society is so much increast, as it is become a
little Common-wealth.

Lady Ignorance

If there be so many, they may the better spare me.

Sir P. Studious

’Tis true, they can spare your company, but how can you
want their companies.

Lady Ignorance

You shall be my Intelligencer of their pastimes.

Sir P. Studious

That I will wife, but it will be but a dull recreation, only
to hear a bare relation.

Lady Ignorance

As long as you partake of their present pleasures, and
pleasant actions, what need you take care for me.

Sir P. Studious,.

Yes, but I must in Justice, for since you have cured me of
a studious Lethargie, I ought to do my indeavour to divert your melancholly;
and there is no such remedy as the Society; wherefore dear wife, fling off this
melancholly sickness, or sick melancholly, and go amongst them; for surely
your sickness is in your mind, not in your body.

Sir P. Studious

What, do you cry Wife, who hath angered you?

Lady Ignorance

Why you.

Sir P. Studious

Who, I anger’d you! why I would not anger a woman,
no, not my Wife for the whole World, If I could possible avoid it, which I
fear cannot be avoided, for if I should please one of your Sex, I should be
sure to displease another: ―― But that is my comfort, it is not my fault; but
dear Wife, how have I offended you.

Lady Ignorance

Why did you kiss my maid before my face.

Sir P. Studious

Why did you perswade me.

Lady Ignorance

Did I perswade you to kiss my maid.

Sir P. Studious

No, but you did perswade me to be one of the Society, and
there is kissing, and I thought it was as well to kiss your maid before your face,
as a sociable Lady before your face.

Lady Ignorance

And why do you make love to the Ladies, since I suffer
none to make love to me.

Sir. P. Studious

No, for if you did, I would fling you to death, to be imbraced
in his cold arms; Besides, those actions that are allowable and seemly,
as manly in men, are condemned in women, as immodest, and unbecoming,
and dishonourable; but talking to you, I shall miss of the pleasant sports, and
therefore, if you will go, come, the Coach is ready.

Lady Ignorance

No, I will not go.

Sir P. Studious

Then I will go without you.

Lady Ignorance

No, pray Husband go no more thither.

Sir P. Studious

How! not to go? nor to go no more, would you desire
me from that which you perswaded me to; Nay, so much as I could never be
quiet, disturbing my harmless studies, and happy mind, crossing my pleasing
thoughts with complaining words, but I perceive you grow jealouse, and now
you are acquainted, you have no more use of me, but would be glad to quit
my company, that you may be more free abroad.

Lady Ignorance

No Husband, truely I will never go abroad, but will inancor
my self in my own house, so you will stay at home, and be as you were
before, for I see my own follies, and am ashamed of my self, that you should
prove me such a fool.

Sir P. Studious

Do you think me so wise and temperate a man, as I can on
a sudden quit vain pleasures, and lawfull follies.

Lady Ignorance

Yes, or else you have studied to little purpose.

Sir P. Studious

Well, for this day I will stay at home, and for the future-
time I will consider.

1. Servant

This boy that came but the other day, hath got more of my
Lords affection, than we that have served him this many years.

2. Servant

New-comers are alwaies more favoured than old waiters; for
Masters regards old Servants no more, than the Imagerie in an old suit of Hangings,
which are grown threed-bare with time, and out of fashion with change;
Besides, new Servants are more industrious and diligent than old; but when
he hath been here a little while, he will be as lazie as the rest, and then he
will be as we are.

1. Servant

I perceive my Lord delights to hear him talk, for he will listen
very a tentively to him, but when we offer to speak, he bids us to be silent.

2. Servant

I wonder he should, for when we speak, it is with gravity, and
our discourse is sententious, but his is meer squibs.

Affectionata

Gentlemen, my Lord would have one of you to come to
him.

1. Servant

Why, I thought you could supply all our places, for when you
are with him, he seems to have no use of us.

Affectionata

It shall not be for want of will, but ability, if I do not serve
him in every honest office.

1. Servant

So you will make some of us knaves.

Affectionata

I cannot make you knaves, unless you be willing to be knaves
your selves.

2. Servant

What, do you call me knave?

Affectionata

I do not call you so.

2. Servant

Well, I will be revenged, if I live.

Reformer

Madam, I have inquired what this Sir Serious Dumb is, and ’tis
said he is one of the finest Gentlemen in this Kingdom, and that his valour
hath been proved in the wars, and that he is one that is very active and
dexterous in all manly exercises, as riding, fencing, vaulting, swimming, and
the like, Also that he is full of inventions, and a rare Poet, and that he hath
a great Estate, only that he is dumb, and hath been so this twelve years and upwards.

Lady Bashfull

Reformer. What makes you so industrious to inquire after
him, surely thou art in love with him.

Reformer

In my conscience I liked him very well, when he was to see
you.

Lady Bashfull

The truth is, he cannot weary you with words, nor anger
you in his discourse, but pray do not inquire after him, nor speak of him; for
people will think I have some designe of marriage.

Reformer

I shall obey you, Madam.

Lord Singularity

Affectionata, Thou are one of the diligent’st boys that
had.

Affectionata

How can I be otherwise, Sir, since you are the Governour of
my soul, that commands the Fort of my passion, and the Castle of my imaginations,
which are the heart, and the head.

Lord Singularity

Do you love me so much?

Affectionata

So well my Lord, as you are the archetectour of my mind,
the foundation of my thoughts, and the gates of my memorie, for your will
is the form, your happiness the level, and your actions the treasurie.

Lord Singularity

Thy wit delights me more, than thy flattery perswades;
for I cannot believe a boy can love so much; Besides, you have not served me
so long, as to beget love.

Affectionata

I have loved you from my infancy, for as I suck’d life from my
Nurses breast, so did I Love from fames, drawing your praises forth, as I did
milk, which nourished my affections.

Lord Singularity

I shall strive, boy, to requite thy love.

Affectionata

To requite, is to return love for love.

Lord Singul

By Heaven? I love thee, as a Father loves a son.

Affectionata

Then I am blest,.

1. Souldier

What is this boy that our General is so taken with.

2. Souldier,.

A poor Begger-boy!

1. Souldier

Can a poor Begger-boy merit his affections?

2. Souldier

He is a pretty boy, and waites very diligently.

1. Souldier

So doth other boys, as well as he, but I believe he is a young
Pimp, and carries, and conveys Love-letters.

2. Souldier

Like enough to, for boys are strangely crafty in those imployments,
and so industrious, as they will let no times nor opportunities slip them, but
they will find waies to deliver their Letters and messages.

Page

Sir, I dare not direct you to my Lady, as you desire me in this Note,
and if I should tell her, here is a Gentleman that desired to visit her, she
would refuse your visit.

Page

I will direct you to the room wherein my Lady is, but I must not be
seen, nor confess I shewed you the way.

Lord Singularity

Come Affectionata, sit down and entertain me with thy
sweet discourse, which makes all other company troublesome, and tedious
to me, thine only doth delight me.

Affectionata

My Noble Lord? I wish the plat-form of my brain were a
Garden of wit, and then perchance my tongue might present your Excellencies
with a Posie of flowery Rhethorick, but my poor brain is barren, wanting the K1r 33 Open note tr00325.02-03-rotaWWP note: A gap exists in the original printed text between pages 32 and 33. Affectionata’s speech trails off with the as the catch-word, but the next page begins with Lord Singularity’s speech. Most likely a line or two was omitted by the printer.

Lord Singularity

Thou hast an eloquent tongue, (and a gentle soul.)

Affectionata

My Noble Lord, I have hardly learn’d my native words, much
less the eloquence of Language, and as for the souls of all mankind, they are
like Common-wealths, where the several vertues, and good graces are the
Citizens therein, and the natural subjects thereof; but vices and follies, as the
thievish Borderers, and Neighbour-enemies, which makes inrodes, factions,
mutinies, intrudes and usurps Authority, and if the follies be more than the
good graces, and the vices too strong for the vertues, the Monarchy of a good
life falls to ruine, also it is indangered by Civil-wars amongst the passions.

Lord Singularity

What passions indangers it most?

Affectionata

Anger, malice, and despair.

Lord Singularity

Were you never angry?

Affectionata

I am of too melancholly a nature, to be very angry.

Lord Singularity

Why? are melancholly persons never angry?

Affectionata

Very seldom, my Lord, for those that are naturally melancholly,
doth rather grieve, than fret, they sooner wast into sighes, than fly about
with fury; more tears flows thorough their eyes, than words pass thorough
their lips.

Lord Singularity

Why should you be melancholly?

Affectionata

Alas, nature hath made me so; Besides, I find there is not
much reason to joy, for what we love, perchance it loves not us, and if it doth,
we cannot keep it long, for pleasures passeth like a dream; when pains doth
stay, as if eternal were.

Lord Singularity

Thou art composed with such harmonie, as thy discourse
is as delightfull musick, wherein the soul takes pleasure.

Reformer

Madam, now the Gentleman is here, you must use him civilly,
and not strive to run away from him, wherefore pray turn, and entertain
him.

Reformer

Pray speak to him, Madam, and not stand trembling, as if you
were like to fall.

Lady Bashfull

My spirits is seized on by my bashfull and innocent fears, insomuch,
as they have not strength to support my body without trembling.

Reformer

Sweet Madam, try to speak to him?

Lady Bashfull

Honourable Sir? give me leave to tell you, that my bashfullnessK full- K1v 34 doth smother the senses and reason in my brain, and chokes the words
in my throat I should utter, but pray do not think it proceeds from crimes,
but an imperfection of nature, which I have strove against, but cannot as yet
rectifie.

Mrs. Reformers [Speaker label not present in original source]

“Madam, He hath writ here, that had his tongue liberty to speak, all that he could say, would
be so far below, and inferiour to what might be said in your praise, as he should
not adventure to presume to speak.”

Lady Bashfull

I will presume to break my brain, but I will invent some
ways to be rid of his company.

Lord Singularity

What makes thee look so sad, my boy?

Affectionata

To see you sit so melancholly.

Lord Singul

Clear up thy countenance, for its not a deadly melancholly,
though it is a troublesome one.

Affectionata

May I be so bold to ask the cause of it.

Lord Singul

The cause is, a cruel Mistriss.

Affectionata

Have you a Mistriss, and can she be cruel?

Lord Singularity

O! Women are Tyrants, they daw us on to love, and
then denies our suits.

Affectionata

Will not you think me rude, if I should question you?

Lord Singul

No, for thy questions delights me more, than my Mistriss denials
grieves me.

Affectionata

Then give me leave to ask you, whether your suit be
just?

Lord Singul

Just, to a Lovers desires.

Affectionata

What is your desire?

Lord Singul

To lye with her.

Affcectionata

After youu have married her?

Lord Singularity

Marry her saist thou, I had rather be banish’d from that
Sex for ever, than marry one, and yet I love them well.

Affectionata

Why have you such an adversion to marriage, being lawfull
and honest.

Lord Singul

Because I am affraid to be a Cuckold!

Affectionata

Do you think there is no chaste women?

Lord Singularity

Faith boy, I believe very few, and those that are men,
knows not where to find them out, for all that are not married, professes chastity,
speaks soberly, and looks modestly, but when they are marryed, they are
more wild than Bachalins, far worse than Satyres, making their Husbands
horns far greater than a Stags, having more branches sprouts thereon.

Affectionata

And doth he never cast those horns?

Lord Singul

Yes, if he be a Widower, he casts his horns, only the marks
remains, otherwise he bears them to his grave.

Affectionata

But put the case you did know a woman that was chaste;
would not you marry her?

Lord Singul

That is a question not to be resolved, for no man can be resolved,
whether a womamn can be chaste or not.

Lord Singul

Why do you sighe, my boy?

Affectionata

Because all women are false, or thought to be so, that wise men
dares not trust them.

Lord Singularity

But they are fools, that will not try, and make use of them,
if they can have them; wherefore I will go, and try my Mistriss once
again.

Lady Ignorance

What a noise they make below, they will disturb my
Husbands study; go and tell those of my Servants, that I will turn them
away for their carelesness, as that they cannot place, set, or hold things sure, but
let them fall to make such a noise.

Maid

I shall.

Lady Ignorance

It shall be my study how to order my house without noise,
wherefore all my Servants shall be dumb, although not deaf, and I will take
none, but such as have corns on their feet, that they may tread gently, and all
my Houshold-vessel shall be of wood, for wood makes not such a noise when
it chance to fall, or is hit against a wall, as metal doth, which rings like bells,
when it is but touched, neither will I have Houshold-vessels of Earth, for
earthen-pots, pans and the like; when they fall and break, sounds as if a stone-
wall fell.

General

On my soul Gentlemen, the boy is an honest boy, and no wayes
guilty of this you tax him for.

Commanders

Pardon us, my Lord, for giving your Excellence notice that
the States are jealouse of him for a Spie, but we do not any wayes accuse
him.

General

Will the States examine him, say you?

Commanders

So we hear, my Lord.

General

Well Gentlemen, pray leave me for this time, and I will take
care the boy shall be forth-coming, whensoever the States shall require
him.

Commanders

Your Lordships humble Servants ――

General

A Spie, it cannot be, for he is neither covetous, nor malicious, revengefull,
nor irreligious, but I will try him.

Chamber-maid

Mrs. Reformer, pray tell me who that handsome Gentleman
is, which follows my Lady about?

Reformer

He is one that is Noble, and Rich, and is in love with my
Lady.

Chamber-maid

Truly it is the strangest way of wooing, that ever was, for my
Lady goeth blushing out of one room into another, and he follows her at the
heels: In my conscience my Lady is ashamed to sit down, or to bid him leave
her company, and surely they must needs be both very weary of walking, but
sure he will leave her, when it is time to go to bed.

Reformer

It is hoped he will.

Reformer

Madam, you will tire your self and the Gentleman, with walking
about your house, wherefore pray sit down.

Lady Bashfull

What! To have him gaze upon my face.

Reformer

Why, your face is a handsome face, and the owner of it is honest,
wherefore you need not be ashamed, but pray rest your self. ――

Lady Bashfull

Pray perswade him to leave me, and then I will.

Reformer

Sir, my Lady intreats you to leave her to her self.

Reformer

He writes he cannot leave you, for if his body should depart, his
soul will remain still with you.

Lady Bashfull

That will not put me out of countenance, because I shall not
be sensible of its presence, wherefore I am content he should leave his soul, so
that he will take his body away.

Mrs. Reformers [Speaker label not present in original source]

He writes, that if you will give him leave once a day to see
you, that he will depart, and that he will not disturb your thoughts, he will
only wait upon your person for the time he lives, he cannot keep himself
long from you.

Lady Bashfull

But I would be alone.

Reformer

But if he will follow you, you must indure that with patience,
you cannot avoid.

Reformer

You see he is so civil, as he is unwilling to displease you.

Lady Bashfull

Rather than I will be troubled thus; I will go to some other
parts of the World.

Reformer

In my conscience, Madam, he will follow you, wheresoever you
go.

Lady Bashfull

But I will have him shut out of my house.

Reformer

Then he will lye at your gates, and so all the Town will take notice
of it.

Lady Bashfull

Why so, they will howsoever, by his often visits.

Reformer

But not so publick.

Lord Singularity

Affectionata. Thou must carry a Letter from me, to my
Mistriss.

Affectionata

You will not marry her, you say.

Lord Singul

No.

Affectionata

Then pardon me, my Lord, for though I would assist your
honest love by any service I can do, yet I shall never be so base an Instrument,
as to produce a crime.

Lord Singul

Come, come, thou shalt carry it, and I will give thee 500.
pounds for thy service.

Affectionata

Excuse me, my Lord.

Lord Singularity

I will give thee a thousand pounds.

Affectionata

I shall not take it, my Lord.

Lord Singul

I will give thee five thousand, nay ten thousand pounds.

Affectionata

I am not covetous, my Lord.

Lord Singularity

I will make thee Master of my whole Estate, for without
thy assistance, I cannot injoy my Mistriss, by reason she will trust none with
our Loves, but thee.

Affectionata

Could you make me Master of the whole World, it could
not tempt me to do an action base, for though I am poor, I am honest, and so
honest, as I cannot be corrupted, or bribed there-from.

Lord Singularity

You said you loved me?

Affectionata

Heaven knows I do above my life, and would do you any service
that honour did allow of.

Lord Singularity

You are more scrupulous than wise.

Affectionata

There is an old saying, my Lord, that to be wise, is to be honest.

Sir P. Studious

Where is your Lady?

Maid

In her Chamber, Sir.

Sir P. Studious

Pray her to come to me?

Maid

Yes Sir.

1. Maid

Lord, Lord! What a creature my Master is become; since he fell
into his musing again, he looks like a melancholly Ghost, that walks in the
shades of Moon-shine, or if there be no Ghost, such as we fancie, just such a
one seems her, when a week since, he was as fine a Gentleman as one should
see amongst a thousand.

2. Maid

That was because he kiss’d you, Nan.

1. Maid

Faith it was but a dull clownish part, to meet a Maid that is not
ill-favoured, and not make much of her, who perchance have watch’d to meet
him, for which he might have clap’d her on the cheek, or have chuck’d her
under the chin, or have kiss’d her, but to do or say nothing, but bid me call my
Lady, was such a churlish part? Besides, it seemed neither manly, gallantly,
nor civilly.

2. Maid

But it shewed him temperate and wise, not minding such frivilous
and troublesome creatures as women are.

1. Maid

Prithy, it shews him to be a miserable, proud, dull fool.

2. Maid

Peace, some body will hear you, and then you will be turn’d away.

1. Maid

I care not, for if they will not turn me away, I will turn my self
away, and seek another service, for I hate to live in the house with a Stoick.

Affectionata

By your face, Sir, there seems a trouble in your mind, and I am
restless untill I know your griefs.

Lord Singularity

It is a secret I dare not trust the aire with!

Affectionata

I shall be more secret than the aire, for the aire is apt to divulge
by retorting Ecohhoes back, but I shall be as silent as the Grave.

Lord Singul

But you may be tortured to confess the truth.

Affectionata

But I will not confess the truth, if the confession may any
wayes hurt, or disadvantage you; for though I will not belye truth by speaking
falsely, yet I will conceal a truth, rather than betray a friend. Especially, my
Lord and Master: But howsoever, since your trouble is of such concern, I
shall not wish to know it, for though I dare trust my self, yet perchance you
dare not trust me, but if my honest fidelity can serve you any wayes, you may
imploy it, and if it be to keep a secret, all the torment that nature hath made,
or art invented, shall never draw it from me.

Lord Singul

Then let me tell thee, that to conceal it, would damn thy soul.

Affectionata

Heaven bless me! But sure, my Lord, you cannot be guilty
of such sins, that those that doth but barely hear, or know them, shall be
damned.

Lord Singul,.

But to conceal them, is to be an Actor.

Affectionata

For Heaven sake then keep them close from me, if either they
be base or wicked, for though love prompt me to inquire, hoping to give you
ease in bearing part of the burthen, yet Heaven knows, I thought my love so
honourable placed on such a worthy person, and guiltless soul, as I
might love and serve without a scandal, or a deadly sin.

Lord Singularity

Come, you shall know it.