Monsieur Frere

Since we are come out of our own Country to
travel, we will go into Turky, if you will, and see that Country.

Friend

With all my heart; but now I think on’t better, I
will stay here a while longer for the Curtezans sake: for we
shall never get such store, nor such choise of Mistrisses; therefore,
though the sober and chaste women are kept up here in Italy, yet the
wild and wanton are let loose to take their liberty: But in Turky, that barbarous
Country, all are kept close, those that will, as well as those that will not;
but if they had the custome of Italy, to keep up only their honest women, it
were a Charity: for otherwise a man loses his time in Courting those women
that will not accept of his love: for how should a man know whether
women will, or will not, having all sober faces, and demure countenances,
coy carriages, and denying words?

Frere

But yet they consent at last: for Importunity and Opportunity, ’tis
said, wins the chastest she.

Friend

Faith all the flowry Rhetorick, and the most observing times, and
fittest opportunities, and counterfeiting dyings, win nothing upon a cold Icy
Constitution, or an obstinate Morality; ’tis true, it may work some good effect
upon an Icy Conscience.

Frere

From whence comes that Letter?

Man

From France Sir I believe, from your Father.

Friend

What News? Hath thy Father sent thee money?

Frere

Yes, but it is to return home: for he hath sent me word my Sister
is marry’d to a very rich, honest, and sweet-natur’d man; and that also he
would have me come home to marry a rich Heir, one that is his Neighbors
Daughter: for my Father says he desires to see me setled in the World before
he dies, having but us two, my Sister and I.

Friend

Why, is he sick, that he talks of dying?

Frere

No, but he is old, and that is more certain of Deaths approach.

Friend

But is your sister marry’d, say you?

Frere

Yes.

Friend

Faith I am sorry for’t: for I thought to have marry’d her my self.

Frere

Marry she would have had but a wilde Husband, if she had marry’d
you.

Friend

The thoughts of this rich Heir, make thee speak most precisely
as if thou wert the most temperate man in the world, when there is none so
deboist as thou art.

Frere

Prethee hold thy tongue, for I am very discreet.

Friend

Yes, to hide thy faults, to dissemble thy passions, and to compass
thy desires; but not to abate any of them: Well, if thy sister had not been
marry’d, I would have prais’d thee, but now I will rail against thee: for losers
may have leave to talk.

Frere

Why, what hopes could you have had to marry her?

Friend

Why, I was thy Friend, and that was hope enough. But is thy
sister so handsome as Fame reports her?

Frere

I cannot tell; for I never saw her since I was a little boy, and she a
very child, I being kept strictly at School, and from thence to the University:
And when I was to travel, I went home, but then she was at an Ants house a
hundred miles from my Fathers house, so as I saw her not; but I must leave
off this discourse, unless you’l return into France with me.

Friend

No faith, thou shalt return without me: for I will not goe so
soon, unless my Friends had provided me a rich Heiress to welcom me home;
but since they have not, I mean to stay and entertain my self and time with
the plump Venetians.

Frere

Fare thee well Friend, and take heed you entertain not a disease.

Friend

Thou speakest as if thou wert a Convertito.

Monsieur Malateste

You are always at work, for what use is it? You
spend more money in silk, cruel, thread, and the like, than all your
work is worth.

Madam Bonit

I am now making you bands.

Malateste

Pray let my bands alone: for I’m sure they will be so ill-
favour’d as I cannot wear them.

Bonit

Do not condemn them before you have try’d them.

Malateste

You may make them; but I wi’l never wear them.

Bonit

Well, I will not make them, since you dislike it.

1Gent

Come, will you go to the Gaming-house?

2Gent

What to do?

1Gent

To play at Cards, or the like Games.

2Gent

I will never play at such Games but with women.

1Gent

Why so?

2Gent

Because they are Effeminate Pastimes; and not manly Actions;
neither will I meerly rely upon Fortunes favour without merit, as Gamesters
do.

1Gent

Why then will you go to a Tavern?

2Gent

For what?

1Gent

To drink.

2Gent

I am not thirsty.

1Gent

But I would have you drink until you are thirsty.

2Gent

That’s to drink drunk.

1Gent

And that’s twhat I desire to be.

2Gent

What?

1Gent

Why drunk.

2Gent

So do not I: for I will not wilfully make my self uncapable, as I
can neither be able to serve my King, Country, nor Friend, nor defend my
Honour: for when I am drunk, I can do neither; for a man drunk, is weaker
than a child that hath not strength to go or stand; and is worse than those
that are dumb, for the dumb keep silence, when those that are drunk, doe
stutter and stammer but non-sense, and make themselves fools; besides, every
Coward will take courage to beat, at least affront a man that is drunk,
when as he dares not look ascue, or come near him without respect, when he
is sober.

1Gent

Come, come, thou shalt go; if it be but to decide our drunken
quarrels, and allay the wrathful vapour of Bacchus.

2Gent

No, I will never decide the disputes of Fool, Mad-men, Drunkards,
nor Women: for Fools understand no Reason, Mad-men have lost
their Reason, Drunkards will hear no Reason, and Women are not capable
of Reason.

1Gent

Why are women not capable of Reason?

2Gent

Because it is thought, or rather believ’d, that women have no rational
souls, being created out of man, and not from Jove, as man was.

1Gent

If Jove hath not given them rational souls, I am sure Nature hath
given them beautiful bodies, with which Jove is enamour’d, or else the Poets
lye.

2Gent

Poets describe Jove according to their own passions, and after
their own appetites.

1Gent

Poets are Joves Priests.

2Gent

And Natures Panders.

1Gent

Well, if you will neither go to the Gaming-house, Tavern, nor
Bawdy-house, will you go and visit the sociable Virgins.

2Gent

Yes, I like sociable Virginity very well. But pray what are those Nnnn2 socia- Nnnn2v 328
sociable Virgins, which you would have me go to see?

1Gent

Why a company of young Ladies that meet every day to discourse
and talk, to examine, censure, and judge of every body, and of every
thing.

2Gent

’Tis pity, if they have not learn’d the rules of Logick, if they talk
so much, that they may talk sense.

1Gent

I will assure you they have voluble Tongues, and quick Wits.

2Gent

Let us go then.

Malateste

Lord, how ill-favour’d you are drest to day!

Bonit

Why I am cleanly.

Malateste

You had need be so: for if you were ill-favour’dly drest and
sluttish too, it were not to be endur’d.

Bonit

Well Husband, I will strive to be more fashionably drest.

Monsieur Pere

Well Son, but that you are as a stranger, having not seen
you in a long time, I would otherwise have chid you for spending so
much since you went to travel.

Frere

Sir, travelling is chargeable, especially when a man goeth to inform
himself of the Fashions, Maners, Customs, and Countries he travelleth
through.

Pere

Look you Son, I have increas’d my Family since you went from
home, your Sisters Beauty hath got me another Son.

Sœur

And I make no question but my Brothers noble and gallant Actions
will get you another Daughter.

Pere

Well Son, I must have you make haste and marry, that you may
give me some Grand-children to uphold my Posterity, for I have but you
two; and your sister, I hope, will bring me a Grand-son soon: for her
Maids say she is sick a mornings, which is a good sign she is breeding, although
she will not confess it: for young marry’d Wives are asham’d to confess
when they are with Child, they keep it as private, as if their Child were
unlawfully begotten.

Marry

Me thinks my Brother doth something resemble my Wife.

Frere

No sure, Brother, so rude a made face as mine, can never resemble
so well a shap’d face as my sisters.

Marry

I believe the Venetian Ladies had a better opinion of your face
and person than you deliver of your self.

Sœur

My Brother cannot choose but be weary, comming so long a
Journey to day: wherefore it were fit we should leave him to pull off
his boots.

Pere

Son, now I think of’t, I doubt you are grown so tender since you
went into Italy, as you can hardly endure your boots to be roughly pull’d off.

Frere

I am very sound Sir, and in very good health.

Pere

Art thou so? Come thy ways then.

Malateste

Wife, I have some occasion to sell some Land, and I have
none that is so convenient to sell as your Joynture.

Bonit

All my Friends will condemn me for a fool, if I should part with
my Joynture.

Malateste

Why then you will not part with it?

Bonit

I do not say so: for I think you so honest a man, that if you should
die before me, as Heaven forbid you should.

Malateste

Nay leave your prayers.

Bonit

Well Husband; you shall have my Joynture.

Malateste

If I shall, go fetch it.

Bonit

Surely Husband, I deserve a kiss for’t.

Malateste

I cannot stay to kiss.

Joan

Madam, what will you have for your supper: for I hear my Master
doth not sup at home.

Bonit

Any thing Jone, a little Ponado, or Water-gruel.

Joan

Your Ladyships Diet is not costly.

It satisfies Nature as well as costly Olio’s or Bisks; and I desire onely to
feed my Hunger, not my Gusto: for I am neither gluttonous nor lickerish.

Joan

No, I’ll be sworn are you not.

1Matron

Come Ladies, what discourse shall we have to day?

1Virgin

Let us sit and rail against men.

2Matron

I know young Ladies love men too well to rail against them;
besides, men always praise the Effeminate Sex, and will you rail at those that
praise you?

2Virgin

Though men praise us before our faces, they rail at us behind
our backs.

2Matron

That’s when you are unkind, or cruel.

3Virgin

No, ’tis when we have been too kind, and they have taken a
surfet of our company.

1Matron

Indeed an over-plus of Kindness, will soon surfet a mans Affection.

4Virgin

Wherefore I hate them, and resolve to live a single life; and
so much I hate men, that if the power of Alexander and Cæsar were joyn’d
into one Army, and the courage of Achilles and Hector were joyn’d into one
Heart, and the wisedom of Solomon and Ulysses into one Brain, and the Eloquence
of Tully and Demosthenes into one Tongue, and this all in one man,
and had this man the Beauty of Narcissus, and the youth of Adonis, and
would marry me, I would not marry him.

2Matron

Lady, let me tell you, the Youth and Beauty would tempt you
much.

4Virgin

You are deceiv’d: for if I would marry, I would sooner marry
one that were in years: for it were better to chuse grave Age, than fantastical
Youth; but howsoever, I will never marry: for those that are unmaried,
appear like birds, full of life and spirit; but those that are maried, appear
like beasts, dull and heavy, especially maried men.

1Matron

Men never appear like beasts, but when women make them so.

1Virgin

They deserve to be made beasts, when they strive to make women
fools.

2Virgin

Nay, they rather think us fools, than make us so: for most
Husbands think, when their Wives are good and obedient, that they are
simple.

1Virgin

When I am maried, I’ll never give my Husband cause to think
me simple for my obedience: for I will be crose enough.

3Virgin

That’s the best way: for Husbands think a cross and contradicting
Wife is witty; a bold and commanding Wife, of a heroick spirit; a subtil
and crafty Wife to be wise, a prodigal Wife to be generous, a false Wife
to be beautiful: And for those good qualities he loves her best, otherwise he
hates her; nay, the falser she is, the fonder he is of her.

4Virgin

Nay, by your favour, for the most part, Wives are so inslav’d, as
they dare not look upon any man but their Husbands.

1Matron

What better object can a woman have than her Husband?

1Virgin

By your leave, Matron, one object is tiresome to view often,
when variety of objects are very pleasing and delightful: for variety of objects
clear the senses, and refresh the mind, when only one object dulls both sense Oooo2r 331
sense and mind, that makes maried wives so sad and melancholy, when they
keep no other company but their Husbands; and in truth they have reason:
for a Husband is a surfet to the Eyes, which causes a loathing dislike unto the
mind; and the truth is, that variety is the life and delight of Natures works,
and Women being the only Daughters of Nature, and not the Sons of
Jove, as men are feigned to be, are more pleased with variety, than men
are.

1Matron

Which is no honour to the Effeminate Sex; but I perceive,
Lady, you are a right begotten daughter of Nature, and will follow the steps
of your Mother.

1Virgin

Yes, or else I should be unnatural, which I will never be.

Monsieur Frere

Sir, I wonder, since my sister is so handsome, that you
did not marry her more to her advantage.

Pere

Why Son, I think I have marry’d her very well for your advantage:
for her beauty was her only Portion, and she is marry’d to a noble Gentleman
who hath a very great Estate.

Frere

But Sir, her beauty doth deserve a King, nay an Emperour, a Caesar
of the World.

Pere

O Son, you are young, which makes you partial on your sisters
side.

Bonit

It’s a strange forgetfulness not to come near me in two hours, but
let me sit without a fire: if you were my Mistris, I should make a conscience
to be more diligent than you are, if I did take wages for my service
as you do.

Nan

If you do not like me, take another.

Bonit.

If you be weary of my service, pray change; perchance you may
get a better Mistris, and I hope I shall get as careful a servant.

1Virgin

I would have all women bred to manage Civil Affairs, and
men to manage the Military, both by Sea and Land; also women to
follow all Manufactures at home, and the men all Affairs that are abroad;
likewise all Arts of Labour, the men to be imploy’d in, and for all Arts of
Curiosity, the women.

2Virgin

Nay certainly, if women were imploy’d in the Affairs of State,
the World would live more happily.

3Virgin

So they were imploy’d in those things or business that were proper
for their strength and capacity.

1Matron

Let me tell you, Ladies, women have no more capacity than
what is as thin as a Cobweb-laun, which every eye may see through, even
those that are weak and half blind.

4Virgin

Why we are not Fools, we are capable of Knowledge, we only
want Experience and Education, to make us as wise as men.

Matron

But women are uncapable of publick Imployments.

1Virgin

Some, we will grant are, so are some men: for some are neither
made by Heaven, Nature, nor Education, fit to be States-men.

2Virgin

And Education is the chief: for Lawyers and Divines can never
be good States-men, they are too learned to be wise; they may be good
Orators, but never subtil Counsellors; they are better Disputers than Contrivers;
they are fitter for Faction than Reformation; the one makes quarrels,
or upholds quarrels, the other raises doubts: But good States-men are bred
in Courts, Camps, and Cities, and not in Schools and Closets, at Bars and
in Pulpits; and women are bred in Courts and Cities, they only want the
Camp to give them the perfect State-breeding.

3Virgin

Certainly, if we had that breeding, and did govern, we should
govern the world better than it is.

4Virgin

Yes, for it cannot be govern’d worse than it is: for the whole
World is together by the Ears, all up in Wars and Blood, which shews there
is a general defect in the Rulers and Governors thereof.

1Virgin

Indeed the State-Counsellers in this Age have more Formality
than Policy, and Princes more plausible words, than rewardable deeds; insomuch
as they are like Fidlers, that play Artificially and Skilfully, yet it
is but a sound which they make and give, and not real presences.

2Virg

You say true; and as there is no Prince that hath had the like good
fortune as Alexander and Cæsar, so none have had the like Generosities as
they had, which shews, as if Fortune (when she dealt in good earnest, and
not in mockery) measur’d her gifts by the largeness of the Heart, and the liberality
of the hand of those she gave to: And as for the death of those
two Worthies, she had no hand in them, nor was she any way guilty thereof:
for the Gods distribute life and death without the help of Fortune.

Matron

’Tis strange, Ladies, to hear how you talk without knowledge,
neither is it fit for such young Ladies as you are to talk of State-matters;
leave this discourse to the Autumnal of your Sex, or old Court-Ladies, who
take upon them to know every thing, although they understand nothing. But your Pppp1r 333
your Discourses should be of Masks, Plays, and Balls, and such like Recreations,
fit for your Youth and Beauties.

Malateste

What’s the reason you turn away Nan?

Bonit

Why she turns away me: for she is more willing to be gone,
than I to have her go.

Malateste

It is a strange humour in you, as never to be pleas’d: for you
are always quarrelling with your servants.

Bonit

Truly I do not remember that ever I had a dispute or quarrel with
any servant since I was your Wife, before this with your Maid Nan; and to
prove it, is, that I do not speak many words in a whole day.

Malateste

Those you speak, it seems, are sharp.

Bonit

Let it be as you say: for I will not contradict you.

Malateste

Well, then take notice I will not have Nan turn’d away.

Bonit

I am glad she pleases you so well, and sorry I can please you no
better. [Exeunt.]

Frere

She is very handsom, extreme handsom, beyond all the women that
ever Nature made. O that she were not my sister!

Sœur

I doubt, Brother, I have surpriz’d you with my sudden coming in,
for you start.

Frere

Your Beauty, Sister, will not only surprize, but astonish any man
that looks thereon.

Sœur

You have us’d your self so much to dissembling Courtships since
you went into Italy, as you cannot forbear using them to your sister: But
pray leave off that unnecessary civility to me, and let us talk familiarly, as
brothers and sisters use to do.

Frere

With all my heart, as familiarly as you please.

Sœur

Pray Brother tell me, if the women in Italy be handsom, and what
Fashions they have, and how they are behav’d.

Frere

To tell you in short, they are so Artify’d, as a man cannot tell whether
they are naturally handsom, or not: As for their Behaviour, they are
very Modest, Grave, and Ceremonious, in publick and in private, confident,
kind, and free, after an humble and insinuating manner: they are bred to all
Virtues, especially to dance, sing, and play on Musical Instruments: they are Pppp natu- Pppp1v 334
naturally crafty, deceitful, false, covetous, luxurious, and amorous; they
love their pleasures better than Heaven: As for their fashion of garments,
they change as most Nations do, as one while in one, and then in another:
As for their Houses, they are furnish’d richly, and themselves adorned costly
when they keep at home in their houses: for they dress themselves finest
when they entertain strangers or acqaintance; but this Relation is only of
the Curtezans: As for those that are kept honest, I can give little or no account:
for they are so inclos’d with locks and bolts, and only look through a
jealousie, so as a stranger cannot obtain a sight, much less an acquaintance.

Sœur

Then they have not that liberty we French women have.

Frere

O no.

Sœur

Why, do they fear they would all turn Curtezans if they should
be left to themselves?

Frere

The men are jealous, and will not put it to the trial: for though
they are all Merchants, even the Princes themselves, yet they will not venture
their wives.

Sœur

I would not live there for all the World, for to be so restrain’d:
for it is said, that Italian men are so jealous of their wives, as they are jealous
of their Brothers, Fathers, and Sons.

Frere

They are so: for they are wise, and know Nature made all in common,
and to a general use: for particular Laws were made by Men, not by
Nature.

Sœur

They were made by the Gods, Brother.

Frere

What Gods Sister, old men with long beards?

Sœur

Fie, fie, Brother, you are grown so wild in Italy, as France, I doubt,
will hardly reclaim you; but I hope when you are marry’d, you will be reform’d,
and grow sober.

Frere

Why Sister, are you become more sober or reform’d since you are
marry’d?

Sœur

No Brother, I never was wild nor wanton, but aIlways modest and
honest.

Frere

Faith Sister, me thinks you might have been marry’d more to your
advantage than you are, had not my Father been so hasty, in marrying you
so young.

Sœur

Why do you say so Brother, when the man I’m marry’d to is so
worthy a person as I do not merit him? neither would I change him for all
the World.

Frere

Nay Sister, be not angry: for ’tis my extreme love, having no more
sisters but you, that makes me speak.

Sœur

Prethee Brother do not think I am angry: for I believe it proceeds
from love, and that it is your affection that makes you so ambitious for me.

Frere

Know Sister, I love you so well, and so much, as ’tis a torment to
be out of your company.

Sœur

Thank you Brother, and know I desire never to be in any other
Company than my Husband, Father, and Brother, nay any other company
is troublesome.

Matron

Ladies, how are your wits to day?

1Virgin

Faith my brain is like Salisbury Plain to day, where my
thoughts run Races, having nothing to hinder their way, and my brain, like
Salisbury-plain, is so hard, as my thoughts, like the horses heels, leave no
print behind, so as I have no wit to day: for Wit is the print and mark of
thoughts.

2Virgin

And I am sick to day, and sickness breaks the strings of Wit;
and when the strings are broke, no harmony can be made.

3Virgin

It is with Wits as it is with Beauties, they have their good days,
as to speak quick, and to look well, to look cloudy, and to speak dully; and
though my tongue to day is apt to run like an Alarm-clock, without any intermission,
yet my mind being out of order, my tongue will go out of time,
as either too fast or too slow, so as none can tell the true time of sense.

4Virgin

For my part, I am so dull to day, as my Wit is buried in stupidity,
and I would not willingly speak, unless my speech could work upon every
passion in the heart, and every thought in the head.

1Virgin

For my part, if any can take delight in my unfolded tongue and
unpolish’d words my discourse is at their service.

Matron

Me thinks, Ladies, your Wits run nimbly, fly high, and spread
far; wherefore make a witty match, or a match of Eloquence.

1Virgin

With all my heart: for in the Combat of Eloquence I shall do
like to a valinant man in a battel; for though he wins not the Victory, yet he
proves not a Coward; so though I should not get the victory of Wit or Eloquence,
yet I shall not prove my self a fool.

2Virgin

I will make no such match: for though I have read some few
books, yet I have not studied Logick nor Rhetorick, to place and set words
in order; and though I have read History, and such like books, yet I have
not got their Speeches by heart, nor parts of them, as the parts of one Oration,
and a part of another Oration, and of three or four to make up an Oration
of my own, as all Orators do now adays; neither have I studied the Morals,
or the Fathers, so much as to have their sayings and sentences to stuff
my Discourse as Preachers do, and to speak a natural way, although extraordinary
witty, as to have their Orations as full of wit as of words, yet it
would be condemn’d if the Speaker is not learned, or that their Speeches express
not learning.

3Virgin

Now you talk of Speeches and Orations, it seems very strange
to me to read the Speeches that Chronologers write down to be truly related,
as from the mouths of those that spoke them, especialy those that are spoken
ex tempore, and on a sudden; but more especially those that are spoken
in Mutinies, and to a tumultuous multitude, wherein is nothing but distraction,
both in the Speakers and Hearers, frights and fears in Opposers and
Assaulters: As for Example; when Tacitus set down the Speeches of some
persons at such times, when and where, every one is in such fears and disorders,
as there seem’d to be not any one person that could have the leisure,
time, rest, or silence, to get those Speeches by heart, to bear them away in Pppp2 their Pppp2v 336
their memory, or had they Place, Time, Ink, Pen, or Paper, to write
them down.

4Virgin

But the Speeches that Thucidides sets down, may be better credited,
because most of them were premeditated, and soberly, orderly, and
quietly deliver’d, which might more easily be noted, and exactly taken to
deliver to posterity.

3Virgin

Another thing is, how Tacitus could come to know the particulars
and private speeches betwixt man and man, as Friend and Friend, Brother
and Brother; and not only the Speeches of the Roman Nations, of
which he might be best informed, but the Speeches of persons of other Nations,
whose Language was not easily understood, or frequent amongst the
Romans; nay not only so, but he hath writ the thoughts of some Commanders
and others.

Matron

Lady, you must not be so strict in History, as to have every word
true: for it is a good History, if the sense, matter, maner, form, and actions
be true: As for Example; Say a man should be presented all naked, is he
less a man for being naked? or is he more a man for being cloathed, or for
being cloathed after another Fashion than his own? So a History is not the
less true, if the Actions, Occasions, Forms, and the like be related, although
every word be not express’d as they were; so that Tacitus’s Speeches may be
true, as to the sense, although he should express them after his manner, fancy,
wit, or judgment. Thus the body or subject of those Speeches might be
true, only the dress is new.

3Virgin

But by your leave, let me tell you, that Chronologers do not
only new dress truth, but falsifie her, as may be seen in our later Chronologers,
such Writers as Camden, and the like: for they have written not only partially,
but falsly: As for particular Families some Camden hath mistaken, and some of
Antient Descent he hath not mention’d, and some he hath falsly mention’d,
to their prejudice, and some so slightly, as with an undervaluing, as if they
were not worth the mention, which is far worse than if he should rail or disclame
against them: But I suppose he hath done as I have heard a Tale of
one of his like Profession, which was a Schoolmaster, as Camden was, which
went to whip one of his Scholars, and the boy to save himself, promised his
Master, that if he would give him his pardon, that his Mother should give
him a fat pig; whereupon the fury of the Pedant was not only pacify’d, but
the boy was strok’d, and made much of; so it is to be observ’d, that most
Schoolmasters commend those of their scholars most, as to be the most apt
and ingenious to their learning, although meer dunces, whose Parents and
Friends see or bribe them most, which causes them both to flatter their scholars
and their parents: So Camden, to follow the practice of his Profession,
hath sweeten’d his pen as towards his scholars and their families; and ’tis
likely most towards those scholars that were more beneficial to him; but to
such persons whose parents had Tutors for them at home, not suffering
them to go to common Schools, he hath pass’d over, or lightly mention’d
their Families, or hath dip’d his pen in vinegar and gall.

1Virgin

Nay faith ist is likelyer that he might take some pett at those
that did not entertain him at their Houses when he went his Progress about
the Kingdome to inform him of the several parts of the Country, before he
writ of the same.

2Virgin

I observ’d one Errour in his Writing, that is, when he mentions
such Places and Houses, he says, the antient situation of such a worthy Family,mily, Qqqq1r 337
when to my knowledge, many of those Families he mentions, bought
those Houses and Lands, some one Descent, some two Descents, some three
before, which Families came out of other parts of the Kingdom, or the City,
and not to the Antient and Inheritary Families; but he leaves these Antient
Families unmention’d.

4Virgin

Perchance he thought it fit, that those Families that were so ill
Husbands, or had so ill fortunes, as they were forc’d to sell their Antient Inheritance,
their memories should be buried in their ruines.

1Virgin

What say you of the Chronolger of the Gods and gallant Heroes,
which was Homer?

3Virgin

I say he was a better Poet than an Historian.

2Virgin

Why Homers Works are only a Poetical History, which is a
Romance: for Romance Writers heighten natural actions beyond natural
power, as to describe by their wit impossible things, yet to make them sound
or seem probable.

1Virgin

Nay faith, impossible can never be described to be probable.

4Virgin

I am sure Homer was out, or else Noble Persons were not so
well bred in his time as they are now in our time; as when he makes them
miscall one another, giving one another ill names when they met to fight,
as dog, and the like names; when in these our days; when Noble persons
meet to fight, they bring Complements in their mouths, and Death in their
hands, so as they strive as much in Civility as Courage; indeed true Valour
is Courage.

1Virgin

If you condemn Homer for makinng men to speak so, you may
condemn him much more for making the Gods to speak after that manner:
for he hath made the Gods to speak so, as to call one another dogs, and the
like names.

2Virgin

The truth is, Homer, as excellent a Poet as he is fam’d to be, yet
he hath not fitted his terms of Language proper to those he makes to speak,
or the behaviour of those persons he presents, proper to their Dignities nor
Qualities: for, as you say, he makes the Gods in their contentions and fights
not only to speak like mortals, but like rude-bred, ill-natur’d Clowns, and
to behave themselves like rude, barbarous, brutish and cruel men, when he
should have made the Gods to have spoken the most Eloquentest of Humane
Language, and after the most Elegant manner, by reason Eloquence hath a
Divine Attraction, and Elegance a Divine Grace.

3Virgin

For my part, I can never read Homer upon a full stomack:
for if I do, I am sick to hear him describe their broyl’d, roast, and boyl’d
meats.

1Virgin

For my part, I can read him at no time: for my stomack is always
so weak, or at least nice, as the discourse of the large Thighs or Chines
of Beef and Mutton, with their larded fat, suffocates my spirits, and makes
me ready to swoun: for the discourse makes me imagine I smell the strong
savour of the gross meats, and the drunken savour of wine.

Matron

They had meat fit for souldiers, and not Ladies.

1Virgin

I hope their Concubines, that lay in their Tents, had finer meats,
or else they would appear foul pursy sluts.

4Virgin

Why, if they were, they would be handsom enough to serve
those slovenly Heroes.

Matron

Why do you call those great and brave Heroes slovens?

4Virgin

Because they kill’d and drest their own meat, and there are no Qqqq such Qqqq1v 338
such greasie fellows as Butchers and Cooks, and therefore must needs stink
most horribly.

2Virgin

It was a sign they had excellent stomacks in Homers days.

3Virgin

It was a sign Homer had a good hungry stomack himself, that he
could talk so often and long of meat.

Matron

Let me tell you, Ladies, it was a sign those persons in those
times were Hospitable and Noble Entertainers; but in these times the Nobler
sort are too curious and delicate.

1Virgin

I have observ’d that one pen may blur a Reputation; but one
pen will hardly glorifie a Reputation.

2Virgin

No; for to glorifie, requires many pens and witnesses, and all
little enough.

4Virgin

It is neither here nor there for that: for merit will get truth to
speak for her in Fames Palace; and those that have none, can never get in,
or at least to remain there: For have not some Writers spoke well of Nero,
and striv’d to have glorify’d him, who was the wickedst of all the Emperours?
And have not some Writers done the like for Claudius, who was the
foolishest of all the Emperours? yet they were never the more esteem’d in
the House of Fame. And have not some Writers writ ill, and have indeavour’d
to blot and blur the Renowns of Julius Cæsar, and Augustus Cæsar, and
of Alexander, and yet they are never the worse esteem’d in the House of
Fame; but Heroick Actions, and wise Governors, force pens, although
pens cannot force swords.

2Virgin

By your favour, but pens and prints force swords sometimes,
nay for the most part: for do not books of Controversies, or ingraving, or
printed Laws, make Enemies, and such Enemies, as to pursue with fire and
sword to death?

3Virgin

Well, for my part I do not believe it was the glory of Victory,
and conquering the most part of the World, which made Alexander and
Cæsar to be so much reverenc’d, admir’d, and renown’d by those following
Ages; but that their Heroick Actions were seconded with their generous
deeds, distributing their good fortune to the most deserving and meritorious
persons in their Parties.

1Virgin

You say true; and as there have been none so Heroical since
their deaths, so there have been none so Generous.

Matron

Ladies, by your leave you are unlearned, otherwise you would
find that there have been Princes since their times, as Heroical and Generous
as they were.

2Virgin

No, no, there have been none that had so noble souls as they
had: for Princes since their days have been rul’d, check’d and aw’d by their
petty Favourites; witness many of the Roman Emperors, and others, when
they rul’d and check’d all the World.

4Virgin

Indeed Princes are not so severe, nor do they carry that State and
Majesty as those in former times: for they neglect that Ceremony now adays,
which Ceremony creates Majesty, and gives them a Divine Splendor; for the
truth is, Ceremony makes them as Gods, when the want thereof makes them
appear as ordinary men.

1Virgin

It must needs: for when Princes throw off Ceremony, they
throw off Royalty; for Ceremony makes a King like a God.

2Virgin

Then if I were a King, or had a Royal Power, I would create
such Ceremonies, as I would be Deify’d, and so worship’d, ador’d, and
pray’d to whilst I live.

1Virgin

So would I, rather than to be Sainted or pray’d to when I
were dead.

4Virgin

Why, Ceremony will make you as a God, both alive and
dead, when without Ceremony you will not be so much as Sainted.

1Virgin

I had as lieve be a Saint as a God: for I shall have as many prayers
offer’d to me, as if I were made a God.

Matron

Come, come, Ladies, you talk like young Ladies, you know
not what.

Joan

Lord Madam, I wonder at your patience, that you can let Nan, not
only be in the house, and let my Master lie with her, for she is more in
my Masters chamber than in yours; but to let her triumph and domineer,
to command all as chief Mistris, not only the servants, but your self, as you
are come to be at her allowance.

Bonit

How should I help it?

Joan

Why if it were to me, I would ring my Husband such a peal, as I
would make him weary of his wench, or his life.

Bonit

Yes, so I may disquiet my self, but not mend my Husband: for
men that love variety, are not to be alter’d, neither with compliance or
crosness.

Joan

’Tis true, if he would, or did love variety; but he onely loves Nan, a Wench which hath neither the Wit, Beauty, nor good Nature of
your Ladyship.

Bonit

I thank you Joan for your commendations.

Joan

But many times a good-natur’d Wife will make an ill-natur’d Husband.

Bonit

That’s when men are fools, and want the wit and judgment to value
worth and merit, or not to understand it.

Joan

Why then my Master is one; but why will you be so good as
to spoil your Husband? for in my conscience, if you were worse, he would
be better.

Bonit

The reason is, that Self-love hath the first place, and therefore I
will not dishonour my self, to mend or reform my Husband: for every one
is only to give account to Heaven, and to the World, of their own actions,
and not of any others actions, unless it be for a witness.

Joan

Then I percieve you will not turn away this Wench.

Bonit

It is not in my power.

Joan

Try whether it be or not.

Bonit

No, I will not venture at it, lest I and my Maid should be the publick
discourse of the Town.

Joan

Why, if she should have the better, yet the Town will pity you, and
condemn my Master, and that will be some comfort.

Bonit

No truly: for I had rather be bury’d in silent misery, and to be forgotten
of mankind, than to live to be pity’d.

Joan

Then I would, if I were you, make him a scorn to all the World,
by cuckolding him.

Bonit

Heaven forbid that I should stain that which gave me a Repution,
my Birth, and Family, or defame my self, or trouble my conscience, by
turning a whore for revenge.

Joan

Well, if you saw that which I did see, you would hate him so, as
you would study a revenge.

Bonit

What was that?

Joan

Why, when you came into my Masters Chamber to see him when
he was sick of the French Pox, I think you chanced to taste of his broth that
stood upon his Table; and when you were gone, he commanded Nan to
fling that broth out which you had tasted, and to put in fresh into the porringer
to drink.

Bonit

That’s nothing: for many cannot endure to have their pottage
blown upon.

Joan

It was not so for him: for he, before he drank the fresh broth, Nan
blew it, and blew it, and tasted it again and again, to try the heat, and another
time to try if it were salt enough, and he seem’d to like it the better;
besides, he was never quiet whilst you were in the Chamber, until you went
out; he snap’d you up at every word; and if you did but touch any thing
that was in the Chamber, he bid you let it alone, and at last he bid you go
to your own Chamber, and seem’d well pleas’d when you were gone.

Bonit

Alas, those that are sick, are always froward and peevish; but prethee
Joan have more Charity to judge for the best, and have less passion
for me.

Matron

Come Ladies, what will you discourse of too day?

1Virgin

Of Nature.

Matron

No, that is too vast a Subject to be discours’d of: for the Theme
being infinite, your discourse will have no end.

2Virgin

You are mistaken: for Nature lives in a quiet Mind, feeds in
a generous Heart, dresses in a Poetical Head, and sleeps in a dull Understanding.

3Virgin

Natures Flowers are Poets Fancies, and Natures Gardens are
Poetical Heads.

Matron

Pray leave her in her Garden, and talk of something else.

4Virgin

Then let us talk of Thoughts: for thoughts are the children of
the Mind, begot betwixt the Soul and Senses.

1Virgin

And Thoughts are several Companions, and like Courtly Ser- Rrrr1r 341
Servitors, do lead and usher the Mind into several places.

2Virgin

Pray stay the Discourse of Thoughts, for it’s a dull Discourse.

4Virgin

Then let us talk of Reason.

3Virgin

Why should we talk of Reason, when there are so many seeming
reasons, as the right cannot be known?

1Virgin

Seeming reasons are like seducing flatterers, perswade ’tis truth,
when all is false they say.

2Virgin

Let us talk of Justice.

4Virgin

Justice, to the Generality, hath a broad full face; but to particulars,
she hath but a quarter and a half-quarter face; and to some particulars,
she veils it all over: Wherefore to talk of Justice, is to talk blindfold.

2Virgin

Let us talk of Bashfulness.

3Virgin

What, should we talk of our own disgrace?

Matron

A Grace you mean, Lady.

3Virgin

No surely, a distemper’d Countenance, and a distorted Face,
can be no grace.

1Virgin

Let us talk of the Passions.

2Virgin

It is easier to talk of them, than to conquer and govern them, although
it is easier to conquer the perturbed passions of the Mind, than the unruly
Appetites of the Body: for as the Body is grosser than the Soul, so the
Appetites are stronger than the Passions.

4Virgin

Let us talk of Gifts.

5Virgin

There are no Gifts worth the talking of, but Natural Gifts, as
Beauty, Wit, good Nature, and the like.

4Virgin

Let us talk of Wit, that is a Natural Gift.

1Virgin

Nature gives true Wit to very few: for many that are accounted
Wits, are but Wit-leeches, that suck and swell with wit of other men,
and when they are over-gorg’d, they spue it out again; besides, there are
none but Natural Poets that have variety of Discourses, all others talk according
to their Professions, Practice, and Studies, when Poets talk of all that
Nature makes, or Art invents; and like as Bees that gather the sweets of every
flower, bring honey to the Hive, which are the Ears of the Hearers,
wherein Wit doth swarm: But since we are not by Nature so indu’d, Wit
is a subject not fit to be pursued by us.

5Virgin

Let us talk of Beauty.

3Virgin

Those that have it, take greater pleasure in the Fame, than in
the Possession: for they care not so much to talk of it, as to hear the praises
of it.

Matron

Come Ladies, let us go: for I perceive your Wits can settle upon
no one subject this day.

Frere

O how my Spirit moves with a disorder’d haste! my thoughts tumultuously
together throng, striving to pull down Reason from his throne,
and banish Conscience from the Soul,

Pere

What Son, Lover-like already, before you have seen your Mistris?
Well, her Father and I am agreed, there’s nothing wanting but the Priest
and Ceremony, and all is done.

Frere

Sir, there are our Affections wanting; for we never saw one another:
Wherefore it is not known whether we shall affect or not.

Pere

I hope you are not so disobedient, to dispute your Fathers will.

Frere

And I hope, Sir, you will not be so unkind, as to force me to marry
one I cannot love.

Pere

Not love? why she is the richest Heiress in the Kingdom.

Frere

I am not covetous, Sir, I had rather please my Fancy, than increse
my Estate.

Pere

Your Fancy? Let me tell you, that your fancy is a fool; and if you
do not obey my will, I will dis-inherit you.

Frere

I fear not poverty.

Pere

Nor fear you not a Fathers curse?

Frere

Yes Sir, that I do.

Pere

Why then be sure you shall have it, if you refuse her.

Frere

Pray give me some time to consider of’t.

Pere

Pray do, and consider wisely, you had best.

1Servant

I doubt my Lady will die.

2Servant

I fear so: for the Doctor, when he felt her pulse, shook
his head, which was an ill sign.

1Servant

It is a high Feaver she is in.

2Servant

The Doctor says a high continual Feaver.

1Servant

She’s a fine young Lady, ’tis pity she should die.

2Servant

My Master puts on a sad face; but yet me thinks his sadness
doth not appear of a through-die.

Matron

Come Ladies, how will you pass your time to day?

1Virgin

Pray let us sit and Rhime, and those that are out, shall
lose a Collation to the rest of the Society.

All speak

Agreed, agreed.

1Virgin

2Virgin

3Virgin

4Virgin

5Virgin

1Virgin

2Virgin

Matron

Ladies, you had better tell some Tales to pass your time with:
for your Rhimes are not full of wit enough to be delightfully sociable.

3Virgin

Agreed, let us tell some Tales.

4Virgin

Once upon a time Honour made Love to Vertue, a gallant and
Heroick Lord he was, and she a sweet, modest, and beautiful Lady, and naked
Truth was the Confident to them both, which carried and brought love
messages and presents from and to each other.

2Matron

Out upon beastly truth: for if she goeth naked, I dare say she
is a wanton Wench; and Virtue, I dare swear, is little better than her self, if
she keeps her company, or can behold her without winking; and I shall
shrewdly suspect you, Ladies, to be like her, if you discourse of her; but
more, if you have any acquaintance with her: And since you are so wilde
and wanton, as to talk of naked truth, I will leave you to your scurrilous discourse:
for I am asham’d to be in your company, and to hear you speak
such Ribauldry: O fie, O fie, naked Truth! Jove bless me, and keep me Rrrr2 from Rrrr2v 344
from naked Truth, as also from her sly Companion Virtue, out upon them
both.

Madam Sœur

Now you have seen your Mistris, Brother, tell me how
you like her.

Frere

It were a rudeness to your Sex, if I should say I dislike any
Woman.

Sœur

Surely Brother you cannot dislike her: for she is handsom, well-behav’d,
well-bred, a great Estate, and of a good Fame and Family.

Frere

And may she have a Husband answerable.

Sœur

Why so she will, when she marries you.

Frere

I cannot equal her Virtues, nor merit her Beauty; wherefore I
will not injure her with mariage.

Sœur

Will you not marry her?

Frere

No.

Sœur

I hope you speak not in Earnest.

Frere

In truth Sister I do no not jest.

Sœur

Prethee Brother do not tell my Father so: for if you do, he will be
in such a fury, as there will be no pacifying him.

Frere

If you desire it, I will not.

Sœur

First reason with your self, and try if you can perswade your Affections.

Frere

Affections, Sister, can neither be perswaded either from or to: for
if they could, I would imploy all the Rhetorick I have to perswade them.
O sister!

Pere

Where is your Brother?

Sœur

He is even now gone from hence.

Pere

How chance he is not gone to his Mistris?

Sœur

I know not Sir; but he looks as if he were not very well.

Pere

Not well? he’s a foolish young man, and one that hath had his liberty
so much, as he hates to be ty’d in wedlocks Bonds; but I will go rattle
him.

Sœur

Pray Sir perswade him by degrees, and be not too violent at first
with him.

Pere

By the Mass Girl thou givest me good counsel, and I will temper
him gently.

1Servant

O she’s dead, she’s dead, the sweetest Lady in the World
she was.

2Servant

O she was a sweet-natur’d creature: for she would never
speak to any of us all, although we were her own servants; but with the
greatest civility; as pray do such a thing, or call such a one, or give or fetch
me such or such a thing, as all her servants lov’d her so well, as they would
have laid down their lives for her sake, unless it were her Maid Nan.

1Servant

Well, I say no more; but pray God Nan hath not given her
a Spanish Fig!

3Servant

Why, if she did, there is none of us knows so much, as we can
come as Witnesses against her.

Nan

It is a strange negligence, that you stand prating here, and do not go
to help to lay my Lady forth.

1Servant

My Master weeps, I did not think he had lov’d my Lady
so well.

2Servant

Pish, that’s nothing: for most love the dead better than the
living; and many will hate a friend when they are living, and love them
when they are dead.

Sœur

Brother, why weep you?

Frere

O Sister, Mortality spouts tears through my eyes, to quench
Loves raging fire that’s in my Heart! But ’twill not do, the more I strive,
with greater fury doth it burn.

Sœur

Dear Brother, if you be in love, she must be a cruel woman that
will deny you: for pure and virtuous love softens the hardest hearts, and
melts them into pity.

Frere

Would I were turn’d to stone, and made a marble Tomb, wherein
lies nothing but cold death, rather than live tormented thus.

Sœur

Heaven keep my fears from proving true.

Monsieur Sensible

Daughter, how do you like Monsieur Frere?

Amor

Sir, I like whatsoever you approve of.

Sensible

But setting aside your dutiful Answer to me, tell me how you affect
him?

Amor

If I must confess, Sir, I never saw any man I could love but him.

Sensible

You have reason: for he is a fine Gentleman; and those Mariages
most commonly prove happy, when Children and Parents agree.

Amor

But Sir, he doth not appear to fancy me so much, or so well as I
fancy him.

Sensible

It’s a sign, Child, thou art in Love, that you begin to have
doubts.

Amor

No Sir, but if I thought he could not love me, I would take off
that Affection I have placed on him whilst I can master it, lest it should grow
so strong as to become masterless.

Sensible

Fear not Child.

1Matron

’Tis said that Malateste is a Widower.

1Virgin

Why then there is a Husband for me.

2Virgin

Why for you? he may choose any of us as soon as you, for any
thing you know.

3Virgin

I’m sure we are as fair.

4Virgin

And have as great Portions.

5Virgin

And are as well bred as you are.

1Virgin

Well, I know he is alloted to my share.

2Matron

Pray do not fall out about him: for surely he will have none
of you all, for ’tis said he shall marry his Maid.

1Virgin

Why he is not so mad: for though his Maid served to vex and
grieve his wife into her grave, and also to pass away idle hours with him, yet
he will not marry her, I dare warrant you; for those that are married, must
take such as they can get, having no liberty to choose, but when they are free
from wedlocks bonds, they may have choice.

1Virgin

So Sir, you are welcome, for you can resolve a question that is in
dispute amongst us.

Malateste

What is it Lady?

1Virgin

The question is, whether you will marry your Maid or not.

Malateste

No sure, I cannot forget my self, nor my dead wife so much,
as to marry my Maid.

1Virgin

Faith that is some kindness in Husbands, that they will remember
their wives when they are dead, although they forget them whilst they
live.

Malateste

A good wife cannot be forgotten neither dead nor alive.

1Virgin

By your favour, Sir, a bad wife will remain longest in the memory
of her Husband, because she vex’d him most.

Malateste

In my Conscience, Lady, you will make a good wife.

1Virgin

If you think so, you had best try.

Malateste

Shall I be accepted Lady?

1Virgin

I know no reason I should refuse Sir; for Report says you have
a great Estate, and I see you are a handsome man; and as for your nature
and disposition, let it be as bad as it can be, mine shall match it.

Malateste

My Nature loves a free spirit.

1Virgin

And mine loves no restraint.

Malateste

Lady, for this time I shall kiss your hands; and if you will give
me leave, I shall visit you at your lodging.

1Virgin

You shall be welcome Sir.

1Virgin

Ladies, did not I tell you I should have him?

2Virgin

Jesting and Raillery doth not always make up a Match.

1Virgin

Well, well, Ladies, God be with you, for I must go home and
provide for my Wedding: for I perceive it will be done on the sudden; for
Widowers are more hasty to marry, than Batchelors, and Widows, than
maids.

1Matron

Stay Lady, you must first get the good will of your Parents.

1Virgin

All Parents good will concerning Mariage, is got before hand,
without speaking; if the Suter be rich, and if he prove a good Husband,
then Parents brag to their acquaintance, saying, How well they have match’d
their Child! making their acquaintance believe it was their prudence and
industry that made the match, when the young couple were agreed before
their parents ever knew or guess’d at such a match; but if they prove unhappy,
then they complain to their acquaintance, and shake their heads, crying,
it was their own doings, saying their children were wilfull, and would
not be rul’d, although they forc’d them to marry by threatnings and cursings.
O the unjust partiality of self-love, even in parents, which will not allow right
to their own own branches! But I forget my self. Farewell, farewell.

All Virgins

Bid us to your Wedding, bid us to your Wedding.

Sœur

Why do you follow me, with sighs fetch’d deep, and groans that
seem to rend your heart in two?

Frere

Be not offended: Sisters should not be so unnatural, as to be weary
of a Brothers company, or angry at their grief; but rather strive to ease the
sorrow of their hearts, than load on more with their unkindness.

Sœur

Heaven knows, Brother, that if my life could ease your grief, I willingly
would yield it up to death.

Frere

O Gods, O Gods, you cruel Gods, commanding Nature to give us
Appetites, then starve us with your Laws, decree our ruine and our fall,
create us only to be tormented!

Sœur

I dare not ask his griefs, or search his heart, for fear that I should
find that which I would not know.

Steward

My Master and our new Lady are comming home; wherefore
you must get the House very clean and fine: You Wardropian, you
must lay the best Carpets on the Table, and set out the best Chairs & Stools,
and in the Chamber wherein my Master and Lady must lie, you must set up
the Cross-stitch bed, and hang up the new suit of Hangings, wherein is the story
of Abraham and Sarah, and Hagar her Maid. And you Pantler, must have
a care that the glasses be well wash’d, and that the Basin and Yewer, Voider
and Plates be bright scowr’d, as also the silver Cistern, and the silver Flagons
standing therein, and to have a care that the Table-cloaths be smooth, and
the Napkins finely knip’d annd perfum’d, and that the Limons, Orenges,
Bread, Salt, Forks, Knives, and Glasses, be set and placed after the newest
Mode.

Steward

O Mistris Nan, you have prevented me: for I was going to seek
you out, to let you know my Master and our new Lady will be here before
night; wherefore you must see that the Linnen be fine, and the Sheets be well Tttt1r 349
well dry’d and warm’d, and that there be in my Ladies Chamber all things
necessary.

Nan

Let her comand one of her own maids: for I am none of her servant.

Steward

Why, whose servant are you?

Nan

My Masters, who hir’d me, and pays me my wages: I never saw
her, nor she me.

Steward

But all my Masters servants are my Ladies: for Man and Wife
divide not their servants, as to say, those are mine, these are yours.

Nan

Why, I’m sure in my other Ladies time, all the servants were my
Masters, and none my Ladies: for she had not power to take or turn away
any one.

Steward

The more was the pity; for she was both virtuous and wise:
Besides, beautiful and well-bred, rich and honourably born, and of a sweet
disposition. But ’tis said this Lady hath such a spirit, as she will share in the
Rule and Government.

Nan

Yes, yes, for a little time, as long as Honey-moneth lasts: I dare
warrant you she shall reign nor rule no longer.

Steward

Come, my friends and fellow-servants, let’s every one about our
several Affairs.

Sœur

Dear Brother, why do you kneel and weep to me?

Frere

My tears, like as distress’d Petitioners, fall to the ground, and
at your feet crave mercy: it is not life they ask, but love that they would
have.

Sœur

Why so you have: for I do vow to Heaven I love you better than
ambitious men love power, or those that are vain-glorious love a Fame, better
than the body loves health, or the life loves peace.

Frere

Yet still you love me not as I would have you love.

Sœur

Why how would you have me love?

Frere

As Husbands love their Wives, or Wives their Husbands.

Sœur

Why so I do.

Frere

And will you lie with me?

Sœur

How! would you have me commit Incest?

Frere

Sister, follow not those foolish binding Laws which frozen men
have made, but follow Natures Laws, whose Freedome gives a Liberty
to all.

Sœur

Heaven bless your soul: for sure you are possest with some strange
wicked spirit; that uses not to wander amongst men.

Frere

Sister, be not deceiv’d with empty words, and vainer tales, made
only at the first to keep the ignorant vulgar sort in awe, whose Faith, like to
their greedy Appetites, take whatsoever is offer’d, be it nere so bad or ill to
their stomacks, they never consider, but think all good they can get down; Tttt so Tttt1v 350
so whatsoever they hear, they think ’tis true, although they have no reason or
possibility for it.

Sœur

But learned and knowing men, wise and judicious men, holy and
good men, know this you ask is wicked.

Frere

They do not know it, but they believe as they are taught: for
what is taught men in their Childhood, grows strong in their Manhood; and
as they grow in years, so grow they up in Superstition. Thus wise men are
deceiv’d and cozen’d by length of time, taking an old forgotten deed to be a
true seal’d bond: wherefore, dear Sister, your Principles are false, and therefore
your Doctrine cannot be true.

Sœur

Heaven hath taught that Doctrine; wherefore we cannot erre.

Frere

Heaven considers us no more than beasts, that freely live together.

Sœur

O that I should live to know my only Brother turn from man to
beast!

Frere

I am glad the Ice is broke, and that her fury rages not like fire.

Monsieur Sensible

Daughter, I do perceive that Monsieur Frere doth
neglect you; besides, he is a wilde debauch’d young man, and no
ways likely to make a good Husband: wherefore I charge you on my blessing
and the duty you owe me, to draw off those affections you have placed
upon him.

Amor

Good Sir do not impose that on my duty which I cannot obey: for
I can sooner draw the light from the Sun, or the World from its Center, or
the fix’d Stars from their assigned places, than draw away love from him.

Sensible

Why, how if he will not have you?

Amor

I can only say I shall be unhappy.

Sensible

I hope you will be wiser than to make your self miserable for one
you cannot have to be your Husband.

Servants

Heaven give your Worship joy, and our noble Lady.

Madam Mal

What, is this your best House?

Monsieur Mal

Yes, and is it not a good one Sweet?

Madam Mal

Fie upon it, I hate such an old-fashiond House; wherefore
pray pull it down, and build another more fashionable, as that there may
be a Bell-view and Pergalus round the outside of the House, also Arched
Gates, Pillars and Pilasters, and carved Frontispeeces, with Antick Imagery,
also I would have all the lower rooms vaulted, and the upper rooms flatroof’d,
painted and gilded, and the Planchers checker’d and inlaid with silver,
the Stair-case to be large and winding, the steps broad and low, as shallow;
then to take in two or three Fields about your House to make large
Gardens, wherein you may plant Groves of Mirtle; as also to make Walks
of green Turf, and those to be hanging and shelving, as if they hung by Geometry;
also Fountains and Water-works, and those Water-works to imitate
those Birds in Winter, that only sing in Summer.

Monsieur Mal

But this will cost a great summ of money Wife.

Madam Mal

That’s true, Husband; but to what use is money, unless to
spend?

Monsieur Mal

But it ought to be spent prudently.

Madam Mal

Prudently, say you? why Prudence and Temperance are the
Executioners of Pleasure, and Murtherers of Delight: wherefore I hate
them, as also this covetous humour of yours.

1Servant

I marry Sir, here is a Lady indeed: for she talks of pulling
down this House before she hath throughly seen it, and of building up another.

2Servant

If you will have my opinion, the old servants must go down as
well as the old house.

3Servant

I believe so: for she look’d very scornfully upon us, nor spoke
not one word either good or bad to us.

4Servant

Well, come let us go about our imployments, and please as
long as we can, and when we can please no longer, we must seek other Services.

Madam Sœur

Do not pursue such horrid Acts, as to Whore your Sister,
Cuckold your Brother-in-Law, dishonour your Father, and
brand your life and memory with black infamy. Good Brother consider
what a world of misery you strive to bring upon your self and me.

Frere

Dear Sister pity me, and let a Brothers pleading move your heart,
and bury not my youth in Death before the natural time.

Sœur

’Tis better you should die, and in the grave be laid, than live to
damn your soul.

Frere

To kill my self will be as bad a crime.

Sœur

O no: for Death any way is more honourable than such a life as
you would live.

1Gent

Friend, prethee tell me why you do not marry.

2Gent

Because I can find no woman so exact as I would have
a Wife to be: for first I would not have a very tall woman, for she appears
as if her soul and body were mis-match’d, as to have a pigmy soul, and
a gyantly body.

1Gent

Perchance her soul is answerable to her body.

2Gent

O no: for it is a question whether women have souls or no; but
for certain, if they have, they are of a dwarfish kind: Neither would I have
a wife with a masculine strength; for it seems præposterous to the softness
and tenderness of their Sex: neither would I have lean wife; for she will
appear always to me like the picture of Death, had she but a sythe and hourglass
in her hand: for though we are taught to have always Death in our
Mind, to remember our End, yet I would not have Death always before my
Eyes, to be afaid of my End: But to have a very lean wife, were to have
Death in my Arms, as much as in my Eyes, and my Bed would be as my
Grave.

1Gent

Your Bed would be a warm Grave.

2Gent

Why man, though Death is cold, the Grave is hot: for the Earth
hath heat, though Death hath none.

1Gent

What say you to a fat woman?

2Gent

I say a fat woman is a bed-fellow only for the Winter, and not for
the Summer; and I would have such a woman for my Wife, as might be a
nightly companion all the year.

1Gent

I hope you would not make your Wife such a constant bed-fellow,
as to lie always together in one bed.

2Gent

Why not?

1Gent

Because a mans stomack or belly may ake, which will make wind
work, and the rumbling wind may decrease love, and so your wife may dislike
you, and dislike in time may make a Cuckold.

2Gent

By your favour it increases Matrimonial Love: ’tis true, it may
decrease Amorous Love; and the more Amorous Love increases, the more
danger a man is in: for Amorous Love, even to Husbands, is dangerous;
for that kind of Love takes delight to progress about, when Matrimonial
Love is constant, and considers Nature as it is: Besides, a good Wife will
not dislike that in her Husband, which she is subject to her self; but howsoever
I will never marry, unless I can get such a Wife as is attended by Virtue,
directed by Truth, instructed by Age, on honest grounds, and honourable
principles, which Wife will neither dislike me, nor I her, but the more we
are together, the better we shall love, and live as a maried pair ought to live,
and not as dissembling Lovers, as most maried couples do.

1Gentlem

What think you of choosing a Wife amongst the Sociable
Virgins?

2Gent

No, no, I will choose none of them; for they are too full of discourse:
for I would have a Wife rather to have a listning Ear, than a talking
Tongue; for by the Ear she may receive wise instructions, and so learn to
practice that which is noble and good; also to know my desires, as to obey
my will; when by speaking much, she may express her self a fool: for great
Talkers are not the wisest Practisers: Besides, her restless Tongue will disturb
my Contemplations, the Tranquillity of my Mind, and the peace, quiet, and
rest of my Life.

Sœur

Brother, speak no more upon so bad a subject, for fear I wish you
dumb: for the very breath that’s sent forth with your words, will blister
both my ears: I would willingly hide your faults, nay I am asham’d to make
them known; but if you do persist, by Heaven I will discover your wicked
desires, both to my Father and Husband.

Frere

Will you so?

Sœur

Yes that I will.

Frere

Well, I will leave you, and try if Reason can conquer your evil desires,
or else I’ll die.

Sœur

Heaven pour some holy Balsom into your fester’d soul.

Monsieur Mal

Wife, I am come an humble Petitioner to you in the behalf
of Nan, she hath been a servant here ever since I was first maried
to my other Wife.

Madam

No, no, Husband, I will have none of your whores in the house
where I live; if you must have whores, go seek them abroad.

Monsieur

Pray let not your jealous Passion turn away a good servant.

Madam

Had you rather please your servant, a whore, or me?

Monsieur

Why you.

Madam

Then turn her away.

Monsieur

But surely Wife you will let me have so much power, as to
keep an old servant.

Madam

No, Husband, if your old servant be a young lusty wench.

Monsieur

But I have pass’d my word that she shall stay.

Madam

And I have sworn an Oath that she shall go away.

Monsieur

But my promise must be kept: wherefore she shall not goe
away.

Madam

I say she shall go away; nay more, I will have her whip’d at the
end of a Cart, and then sent out of doors.

Monsieur

As I am Master, I will command none shall touch her; and
let me see who dares touch her.

Madam

Who dares touch her? why I can hire poor fellows for money,
not only to whip her, but murder you.

Monsieur

Are you so free with my Estate? I will discharge you of that Office
of keeping my money.

Madam

If you do, I have Youth and Beauty, that will hire me Revengers,
and get me Champions.

Monsieur

Will you so?

Madam

Yes, or anything rather than want my will; and know, I perfectly
hate you, for taking my Maids part against me.

Monsieur

Nay prethee Wife be not so cholerick: for I said all this but
to try thee.

Madam

You shall prove me, Husband, before I have done.

Sœur

Shall I divulge my Brothers Crimes, which are such Crimes as will
set a mark of Infamy upon my Family and Race for ever? or shall I let
Vice run without restraint? or shall I prove false to my Husbands bed; to
save my brothers life: or shall I damn my Soul and his, to satisfie his wilde
desires? O no, we both will die, to save our Souls, and keep our Honours
clear.

Frere

The more I struggle with my Affections, the weaker do I grow for
to resist. If Gods had power, they sure would give me strength, or were
they just, they would exact no more than I could pay; and if they cannot
help, or will not help me, Furies rise up from the infernal deep, and give my
Actions aid; Devils assist me, and I will learn you to be more evil than you
are; and when my black horrid designs are fully finish’d, then take my soul,
which is the quintessence of wickedness, and squeeze some venom forth upon
the World, that may infect mankind with plagues of sins

Malateste

Nan, you must be contented, for you must be gone: for your
Lady will not suffer you to be in the house.

Nan

Will you visit me, if I should live near your House, at the next
Town?

Malateste

No: for that will cause a paarting betwixt my Wife and me,
which I would not have for all the World: wherefore Nan, God be with
you.

Nan

May your House be your Hell, and your Wife be your Devil.

Maid

What will your Ladyship have for your Supper?

Madam

Whatsoever is rare and costly.

Steward

Did your Ladyship send for me?

Madam Mal

Yes: for you having been an old servant in my Fathers
House, will be more diligent to observe and obey my commands: wherefore
go to the Metropolitan City, and there try all those that trade in vanities,
and see if they will give me credit, in case my Hursband should restrain
his purse from me, and tell them that they may may make my Husband pay
my debts. The next is, I would have you take me a fine house in the City:
for I intend to live there, and not in this dull place, where I see no body but
my Husband, who spends his time in sneaking after his Maids tails, having
no other imployment; besides, solitariness begets melancholy, and melancholy
begets suspition, and suspition jealousie; so that my Husband grows
amorous with idleness, and jealous with melancholy. Thus he hath the pleasure
of variety, and I the pain of jealousie: wherefore be you industrious to
obey my command.

Steward

I shall Madam.

Madam Amor

Good Sir conceal my Passion, lest it become a scorn, when
once ’tis known: for all rejected Lovers are despised, and those that
have some small returns of Love; yet do those faint Affections triumph
vainglorioussly upon those that are strong, and make them as their slaves.

Sensible

Surely Child thy Affections shall not be divulged by me, I only
wish thy Passions were as silent in thy breast, as on my tongue, as that he thou
lovest so much may lie as dead and buried in thy memory.

Amor

There’s no way to bury Love, unless it buries me.

Monsieur Mal

I hear Wife that you are going to the Metropolitan
City.

Madam

Yes Husband: for I find my self much troubled with the Spleen,
and therefore I go to try if I can be cur’d.

Monsieur

Why, will the City cure the Spleen?

Madam

Yes, for it is the only remedy: for melancholy must be diverted
with divertisements; besides, there are the best Physicians.

Monsieur

I will send for some of the best and most famous Physicians
from thence, if you will stay.

Madam

By no means: for they will exact so much upon your importance,
as they will cost more money than their journey is worth.

Monsieur

But Wife, it is my delight and profit to live in the Country;
besides, I hate the City.

Madam

And I hate the Country.

Monsieur

But every good Wife ought to conform her self to her Husbands
humours and will.

Madam

But Husband, I profess my self no good Wife: wherefore I will
follow my own humour. [Exit Madam.] [He alone.]

Monsieur Malateste

I finde there is no crossing her, she will have her
Will.

Monsieur Marry

Wife, I am come to rob your Cabinet of all the Ribands
that are in it: for I have made a running match betwixt Monsieur
la Whips Nag, and your Brothers Barb; and he saith that he shall not run,
unless you give him Ribands: for he is perswaded your Favours will make
him win.

Sœur

Those Ribands I have, you shall have, Husband: But what will my
Brother say if his Barb should lose the match?

Marry

I ask’d him that question, and he answer’d, that if he lost, he
would knock his Barbs brains out of his head.

Sœur

Where is my Brother?

Marry

Why he is with your Father, and such a good companion he is to
day, and so merry, as your Father is so fond of his company, insomuch as he
hangs about his neck as a new-maried wife: But I conceive the chief reason
is, that youur Brother seems to consent to marry the Lady Amor.

Sœur

I am glad of that with all my soul.

Marry

But he says, if he doth marry her, it must be by your perswasions.

Sœur

He shall not want perswading, if I can perswade him.

Marry

Come Wife, will you give me some Ribands?

Sœur

Yes Husband, I will go fetch them.

Marry

Nay Wife, I will go along with you.

Madam Amor

Thoughts, cease to move, and let my Soul take rest, or
let the damps of grief quench out lifes flame.

Sensible

My dear Child, do not pine away for Love: for I will get thee
a handsomer man than Monsieur Frere.

Amor

Sir, I am not so much in love with his person, as to dote so fondly
thereon.

Sensible

What makes you so in love with him then? for you have no great
acquaintance with him.

Amor

Lovers can seldome give a Reason for their Passion; yet mine
grew from your superlative praises; those praises drew my Soul out at my
Ears to entertain his love: But since my Soul misses of what it seeks, will not
return, but leave my body empty to wander like a ghost, in gloomy sadness,
and midnight melancholy.

Sensible

I did mistake the subject I spoke of, the substance being false,
those praises were not current: wherefore lay them aside, and fling them
from thee.

Amor

I cannot: for they are minted, and have Loves stamp, and being
out, increases like to Interest-money, and is become so vast a summ, as I believe
all praises past, present, or what’s to come, or can be, are too few for
his merits, and too short of his worth.

Sensible

Rather than praise him, I wish my Tongue had been for ever
dumb.

Amor

O wish not so, but rather I had been for ever deaf. [She goes out.] [He alone.]

Sensible

My Child is undone.

1Servant

My Master looks so lean and pale, as I doubt he is in a Consumption.

2Servant

Faith he takes something to heart, whatsoever it is.

1Servant

I doubt he is jealous.

2Servant

He hath reason: for if my Lady doth not cuckold him, yet she
gives the World cause to think she doth: for she is never without her Gallants.

1Servant

There is a great difference betwixt our Lady that is dead, and
this.

Malateste

Is my Wife come home yet?

1Servant

No Sir.

Malateste

I think it be about twelve of the Clock.

1Servant

It is past one Sir.

Malateste

If it be so late, I will sit up no longer watching for my Wives
coming home, but I will go to bed; for I am not very well.

1Servant

You do not look well, Sir.

Malateste

Indeed I am sick.

Madam Sœur

Lord Brother, what is the reason you are come back so
soon? Hath not your Barb run the Race?

Frere

No.

Sœur

What makes you here then?

Frere

To see you.

Sœur

To see me? why I shall give you no thanks, because you left my
Husband behind you.

Frere

I do not come for your thanks, I come to please my self.

Sœur

Prethee Brother get thee gone: for thy face doth not appear so
honest as it uses to do.

Frere

I do not know how my Face doth appear; but my Heart is as it
was, your faithful Lover.

Sœur

Heaven forbid you should relapse into your old disease.

Frere

Let me tell you, Sister, I am as I was, and was as I am, that is,
from the first time I saw you, since I came from Travel, I have been in love
with you, and must enjoy you; and if you will imbrace my love with a free
consent, so, if not, I’ll force you to it.

Sœur

Heaven will never suffer it, but cleave the Earth, and swallow you
alive.

Frere

I care not, so you be in my Arms; but I will first try Heavens power,
and struggle with the Deities.

Monsieur Mal

Wife, Is this the way to cure melancholy? to sit up all
night at Cards, and to lose five hundred pounds at a sitting? or to stay
all night abroad a Dancing and Revelling,

Madam

O yes: for the Doctors say there is nothing better than good
company, to imploy the Thoughts with (outward Objects) otherwise the
Thoughts feed too much upon the Body; besides, they say that Exercise is
excellent good to open Obstructions, and to disperse melancholy Vapours;
and the Doctors say, there is not Exercise better than Dancing, because
there are a great Company meet together, which adds Pleasure to the Labour.

Monsieur

My other Wife did not do thus.

Madam

Wherefore she died in her youth, with melancholy; but I mean
to live while I am old, if mirth and good company will keep me alive; and
know I am not so kind-hearted to kill my self, to spare your Purse, or to please
your Humour.

Sœur

Who will call unto the Gods for aid, since they assist not Innocency,
nor give protection to a Virtuous Life? Is Piety of no use? or is Heaven
so obdurate, no holy prayers can enter Heaven-gates, or penitential tears
can move the Gods to pity? But O my sorrows are too big for words, and
all actions too little for his punishment.

Frere

Sister, I must die, wherefore you must not live: for I cannot be
without your company, although in death, and in the silent grave, where
no Love’s made, nor Passion known.

Sœur

It’s welcom News: for if death comes not by your hand, my hand
shall give a passage unto life.

Frere

There is none so fit to act that part as I, who am so full of sin, want
nothing now but murther to make up measure.

Sœur

Death, thou art my griefs Reprieve, and wilt unlade my Soul from
heavy thoughts that miserable life throws on, and sinks me to the Earth.
Brother farewel, may all your crimes be buried in my grave, and may my
shame and yours be never known.

Frere

Now she is dead, my Mind is at rest, since I know none can enjoy
her after me; but I will follow thee: I come, my Mistris, Wife, and Sister
all in one.