The
City Jilt;
Or, The
Alderman turn’d Beau:

Glicera was the Daughter
of an eminent Tradesman, the
Reputation of whose Riches
drew a greater Number of Admirers
to his House, than the
Beauty of his fair Daughter’s
Person; tho’ she was really one of the most
lovely and accomplished Women of the Age.
The most favour’d of all who made PretensionsBsions B1v 2
to her, was young Melladore, the Son
of a near Neighbour; he was handsome,
witty, well made, and seem’d to have an
infinity of Affection for her. With all these
Endowments therefore, join’d to an Equality
of Birth and Fortune, ’tis not to be wondered
at that he was well received by the
Father of Glicera, as well as by herself. Nothing
happening between them but what is
common to Persons in the Circumstances
they were, I shall pass over in silence the
Days of their Courtship, and only say that
their mutual Affection encreasing the more
they knew each other’s Temper; and every
thing being agreed on by the Relations on
both sides, a Day was appointed for the
Celebration of their Nuptials.

Now did this enamour’d Pair think of
nothing but approaching Joys, all the delightful
Visions with which the God of Love
deludes his Votaries, play’d before their Eyes,
and formed a thousand Day-dreams of an
imaginary Heaven of Pleasure—with equal
Ardour, equal Languishment did both long
for the happy Minute which was to crown
their Loves,—the impatient Youth with
fierce and vigorous Wishes burn’d, the tender
Maid in soft Desires dissolv’d.—Alas!
she knew not yet the meaning of those tumultuous
Agitations, which at every Kiss
and fond Embrace she received from the
amorous Melladore, made her Heart flutter with B2r 3
with disordered Beatings, the Blood flow
fast through each throbbing Vein, and a
wild Mixture of Delight and Pain invade
her every Faculty:—But he, more experienced,
was not ignorant what it was, for
which he sigh’d; scarce cou’d he refrain taking
those Advantages which her Innocence
and Love afforded him, to make him Master
of the supremest Bliss that Passion can demand,
or Beauty yield; and the Agonies of
suppress’d Desire would sometimes rise to
such a Height, that nothing but the extremest
Respect could have enabled him to endure
them, rather than be guilty of the least
Action which might shock the timorous
Bashfulness of her virgin Soul.

In this Position were their Hearts, while
those necessary Preparations were about, for
the rendering magnificent that Ceremony
which was to put an end to the Lover’s Impatience,
and the Virgin’s Scruples. There
now wanted but one Day of that which was
to be the happy one, and ’tis difficult to say
whether Melladore, or his intended Bride,
felt the greater Satisfaction at the near Approach.
But to what Vicissitudes are the
Transports of Lovers incident! The Father of
Glicera was take suddenly ill, and that
with so much Violence, that in a few hours
time his Life was despaired of; Night brought
with it an encrease of his Distemper, nor
did the Morning afford Abatement; not B2 all B2v 4
all the Prescriptions of the best Physicians,
who were sent for on his first finding himself
disordered, had the least Effect on him;
and at the close of the second Day he paid
that Debt to Nature, to which all who live
must submit.

Here was now a sad Change in Affairs
of Glicera, her bridal Ornaments were exchanged
for mournful Black; and at the
time when she expected to have received the
Gratulations of her Friends for her happy
Nuptials, she had only the Consolations of
them to regard. The Society of her dear
Melladore was however a considerable Alleviation
to her Sorrows, and as he scarce ever
left her but in those Hours in which Decency
obliged him to retire, he easily persuaded
her to a Forgetfulness of the Dead, in the
Comforts of the Living; and if Fate exacted
the Life of one, she thought it yet a less
terrible Misfortune to lose her Father than a
Lover who was so dear to her, and by whom
she believed herself so sincerely and tenderly
belov’d, that she should know no want of
any other Friend. Ah! how little is Youth
sensible of what it owes to Age, and how
far are we unable to conceive what is due
to the Care of a tender Parent, or how
greatly we suffer in the loss of such a one!
But soon was this fond Maid made sensible
of her Error; soon, alas! did sad Experience
convince her of the Difference between natural
Affection and the Vows of Passion.

Many B3r 5

Many People, who while they live make a
very great Show, when once Death exposes
to the World the truth of their Circumstances,
are found vastly inferior to what their
Appearance had promised: At least it here
so happened, the Father of Glicera, reputed
one of the richest Citizens of his Time, left
behind him little more than would serve to
defray the Expences of his Funeral, and pay
the Debts he had contracted: and the fair
Subject of this little History, instead of a
hundred thousand Crowns, which was the
least that was expected for her Portion, had
scarce sufficient left her to maintain her one
Year in the manner she had been accustomed
to live. Melladore, however, had enough
for both; and fully depending on his Love
and Constancy, she regarded not this Fall
from her high-rais’d Hopes, nor once imagined
that the Loss of her Wealth would also
make her lose his Heart: for this reason, as
well as that her Youth had not yet learned
Hypocrisy, and scorn’d the Baseness of a Lye,
she endeavoured not to conceal the reality of
her Affairs, but frankly let him know that
her Love and Virtue were her only Dower.
They were sitting in an Arbour at the end
of the Garden, so shadow’d o’er with Trees,
that scarce could the Sun’s Beams at the
height of Noon penetrate the Gloom, much
less those of the pale Moon, who then shone
but with faint and sickly Fires, when first she B3v 6
she related to him this surprizing News; so
that unhappily for her she perceived not the
shock her Words had given him, nor the
Disorders which that moment overspread
his alter’d Countenance: and being far from
guessing at his Thoughts, prosecuted her
Discourse without expecting any Reply from
him till he had time enough to recollect himself,
and have recourse to Dissimulation.
And then he did not fail to tell her, that her
adorable Person was of itself a Treasure infinitely
beyond his Merit,——that he look’d
on her as a Blessing sent from Heaven to
make him the happiest of his Sex———that
he rather rejoiced than the contrary, at this
Opportunity to prove the Disinterestedness
of his Affection,————and a thousand such
like Expressions of Tenderness and Truth,
which she hesitated not if she should believe,
because she wish’d it so, and had before
set down in her own Heart for Truth,
all that he now professed.

So artfully did he deceive, that for many
Weeks she had not the least reason to
suspect, but that as soon as Decency for the
Death of her Father would permit, she
should become his Wife: But vastly different
now were his Designs, the real Love
he had was to the Wealth of which he expected
she would be possess’d; but that being
lost, his Passion also vanish’d, and left
behind it only that part of Desire which tends B4r 7
tends to Enjoyment;—the nobler Inclinations
all were fled, and brutal Appetite alone
remained:―In an unguarded Hour, when
most he found her melted by his Pressures,
and wholly incapable of repelling his amorous
Efforts, did he attack her with all the
ruinous Force of fatal Passion―He told
her, that since their Hearts were united too
firmly to be ever separated, ’twere most unjust
to themselves and the soft Languishments
which both confess’d, to make their
Bodies observe a cruel Distance:―That
Caution between them now was needless,—
and tho’ in regard to Custom, and that Decorum
which enslaves the World, the Ceremony
which was to authorize Possession had
not yet passed: yet might they in secret indulge
those Wishes to which Marriage hereafter
would give a Sanction.—By such kind
of Arguments, accompanied with unnumber’d
Vows, Sighs, Tears, and Implorations,
was she at last subdued, and fell the Victim
of his lawless Flame.

O’erwhelm’d in the Tenderness, and lost to
every Thought but that of giving Pleasure
to the dear Undoer, was she for a time content
with what she had done, nor once imagined
how despicable she was now grown
in his Eyes for that very Action which she
had yielded to but to endear him more:
while lull’d, by his continued Ardours into
a Belief that he was all Sincerity; how tran- B4v 8
tranquil was her State! But when Indifference
came, and cold Neglect, how much
beyond the reach of dull Description were
the Agonies of her distracted Soul!—To
enhance the Misery of her Condition, she
found herself with Child; with Child by a
Man who was already tired with her Embraces,
despised her Tenderness, and from
whom she had not tha least hope of receiving
any Reparation for the Shame to
which he had reduced her.—Now was
she touch’d with a just Sensibility of the
Crime she had been guilty of to Heaven,
and to herself:—Now did Reflection glare
full of Horror on her affrighted View:—
Now did the sharpest Stings of late Repentance
torture her afflicted Soul, and drive
her to Despair.

Concealing, however, as much as possible,
how far she had discovered his Ingratitude,
she let him know the Consequence of their
unlicenced Joys, and press’d him to marry
her in Terms so moving and so tender, that
had he not been abandoned by an Sense of
Honour or of Justice, he would, indeed, have
fulfill’d what he so often, and so solemnly
had vow’d: But he had now obtained his
wanton Purpose, Desire was satiated; and of
that stock of Fondness and Admiration which
his Breast lately glow’d with, there scarce
remained a common Pity for the ruin he had
caused. When first she mention Marriage to C1r 9
to him; he evaded the Question, and
seem’d but to delay, not absolutely deny
what she required; but soon he threw aside
Hypocrisy, and plainly told her he
had other Views: that it was not consistent
with his Circumstances to take a Wife
without a Portion, and that his Father
had before his Death exacted from him a
Vow never to marry, but where at least
an Equality of Fortune afforded him a
prospect of future Happiness. Mild, and
gentle as he had ever found Glicera, he
now perceived her Soul could change as
well as his had done. Never was Rage
carried to a greater height than hers,—
she seem’d all Fury―and distracted with
her Wrongs, beholding the cruel Author
of them rather exulting than any way compassionating
her Misery, she said and did
a thousand things which could not be reconciled
to Reason:―Impossible is it
to describe her Behaviour such as it was,
therefore I shall only say that proportioned
to the Love she had born him while she
believed him true, was her Resentment
when she knew him false. With an Indifference
the most stabbing to a Lover’s
Soul did he listen to her Upbraidings, and
coolly teeling her that if he stay’d much
longer, she might be in danger of railing
herself quite out of breath, made a scornful
Bow, and took his Leave.

C Some C1v 10

Some perhaps, into whose hands this little
Narrative may fall, may have shar’d the
same Fate with poor Glicera; like her
have been betrayed by the undoing Artifices
of deluding Men; like her have been
abandoned by the Perfidy of an ungrateful
Lover to Shame, to late Repentance,
and never-ending Griefs; and it is those
only, who can conceive what ’twas she suffered,
or know to compassionate the labouring
Anguish of a Heart abus’d and
inspir’d in this superlative degree. The
happy Insensible, or the untempted Fair,
are little capable of judging he Distress,
and will be apt to say her Misfortune
was no more than what her Folly merited:
yet let those pitiless Deriders of her Frailty
take care to fortify their Minds with
Virtue, or they will but vainly depend on
the Force of their own Resolution to defend
them from the same Fate she
mourn’d.

She now found that she had a greater
Stock of Resentment in her Soul, than,
till it was rouz’d by his Treatment, she
could have believed; sooner would she
have sent a Dagger to his Heart, than
any way subjected herself to a second Insult,
by inviting him to return, or testifying
the least remains of Tenderness, had
not the Condition she was in compell’d
her to it, and forced her trembling Hand, in C2r 11
in spite of Pride, to write him the following
Epistle.

“To the Ungrateful and Perfidious
Melladore. Ill-treated, forsaken as I am, and
scorned, perhaps the Remonstrances
made you by my Pen may be more
effectual than those of my Tongue; yet
had you Love or Honour, Gratitude
or Pity, they would be needless: To
what purpose then, may you say, do I
write?―I have indeed, but little
hope of Success on a Man of the Disposition
I now find you are, and would
sooner chuse Death than the Obligation
to you on my own account.―But Oh!
there is a tender Part of both of us,
which claims a Parent’s care: That dear
Unborn, that guiltless Consequence of
our mutual Raptures, starting within
me, makes me feel a Mother’s Fondness,
and a Mother’s Duty:―Nature,
Religion, Pity, and Love, all plead in
its behalf, and bid me leave no Means
untry’d to save its helpless Innocence
from Shame and Want, and all the Miseries
of an unfriending World;—be just
then to your Vows―Remember you
are mine as much in the Eye of Heaven, C2 “as C2v 12
as if a thousand Witnesses had confirm’d
our Contract: The Ceremony of the
Church is but ordained to bind those
Pairs, who but themselves want Constancy
and Resolution to keep the Promise
which Passion forms.―How often
have you sword I was your Wife,
that you considered me as no other, nor
would relinquish that right my Love
had given you over me for all the World
calls dear?—But you are altered since,
and I too sadly prove your boasted Virtue
but Hypocrisy, a Feint to hire me
to Destruction.―Ah! how inhuman,
how barbarous has been your Usage of
me! If with the loss of my expected
Dower I also lost your Heart, why did
you not then reveal it?—What Provocation
had I e’er given you, that you
should join with Fortune to undo me?
join, did I say?—how infinitely inferior
was my Unhappiness in being deprived
of Wealth, when compared to those
more valuable Treasures thy fatal Passion
has robb’d me of.—My Innocence,
my Reputation, and my Peace of Mind
by thee destroy’d, no more to be retrieved!
—tormenting Thought! Reflection
all distracting! ease me of it,
or to the Number of thy monstrous Actions
add yet one more, and kill me; the
worst of Deaths, is a mild Fate to what I C3r 13
I now endure,―and will be a kind
Cruelty not only to me, but to the
little Wretch I bear:—Let the Sword
finish that ruin which Deceit begun,
and send us both from Shame, Reproach,
and never-ending Woe.―Answer
this not, till you have well weigh’d the
Circumstances which compel me to
write in a manner so vastly different
from what I once believed I ever should
have cause to do, and make me now
subscribe myself no other than Your most injured and
afflicted Glicera.”

This she ordered to be given into no
Hand but his own, to the end that he
might not have any pretence to avoid answering
it: but being now wholly taken
up with making himself appear as agreeable
as he could in the Eyes of a fine
Lady, who was represented to him as a
great Fortune, he either forgot, or had
not leisure to compassionate the Complaints
of the undone Glicera.―For
some days did she remain in expectation,
but hearing nothing from him, all the
little Remains of Patience which her Misfortunes
had left her being exhausted, she
urg’d a second time the Certainty of her
Fate in these Lines.

To C3v 14 “To the unworthy Melladore. Tho’ void of Hope, as thou art of
all Sense of Honour, Gratitude,
or Humanity, I once more dare thee to
avow thy Purpose,―tell me at once
what ’tis I must expect:—No longer
seek by silence to skreen thy Perfidy,
but boldly own the Fiends that lurk
within thee;―what is there in me to
awe thee, when Heaven has not the
power to do it? Scarce is there a possibility
that though art not the vilest and
most detestable of thy whole betraying
Specie, yet is there something in my
Heart which will not suffer me to assure
my self thou art so, till thy own
Words destroy Suspence, and put it
past my power to make a doubt:―
Still, therefore shall I persecute thee
with Complaints,―still testify the
Agonies of my distracted Soul, divided
between Love and Rage:—Continue
with alternate Soothings and Revilings,
as either of the opposing Passions rise,
to weary and perplex each future Moment
of him, whose Happiness was
once my only Care.―Ah! what a
dreadful Revolution has thy Ingratitude
caused within my Breast―my
Thoughts before serene as an unruffled “Sea, C4r 15
Sea, now toss’d and hurried by tumultuous
Passions, o’erwhelm my Reason,
and driveme into Madness.―I cannot
live and bear it.—O that as I have
heard, I could be certain also, that when
supportless Injuried like mine distress
the Soul, and drive it from its clayey
Mansion, it still has power to wander
and disturb the cruel Author of the
Wrongs it suffers; how gladly would
I welcome Death in hope of Vengeance,
in horrid Shapes would I appear to thy
affrighted Eyes, distract thy Dreams,
and sleeping and waking be eber before
thee!―O what a Whirlnof wild Ideas
possess my troubled Brain—the Tortures
of the Damn’d exceed not what I
feel;—thou Monster of thy Sex, thou
wert not sure of Woman born, thy
Mother’s Softness must have given some
Tincture of Good-nature to thee, but
thou art savage all! The Cruelty of
Tygers is within thee, and all the base
Subtilty of the betraying Crocodile,―
Perdition seize thee: How canst thou,
darest thou use me thus? Heaven will
revenge my Wrongs, tho’ it denies the
Power to The Miserable
Glicera.” Who- C4v 16

Whoever has the least Knowledge of the
Temper of Mankind, will believe a Letter
of this sort would have but little
Effect on the Person to whom it was sent.
Instead of compassionating her Misfortunes,
he took the Opportunity she gave
him of reproaching him to come to a
down—right Quarrel; and having taken a
little time for Consideration, answer’d her
in these Terms.

“To Glicera. I Know not to what end you give yourself
and me these neeless Troubles:
I thought you Mistress of a better Understanding
than to imagine an Amour
of the nature our’s was, should last for
ever:―’Tis not in Reason, ’tis not
in Nature to retain perpetual Ardours
for the same Object.―The very word
Desire implies an Impossibility of continuing
after the Enjoyment of that
which first caused its being:―Those
Longings, those Impatiences so pleasing
to your Sex, cannot but be lost in Possession,
for who can wish for what he has
already?―Marriage, as you justly
observe, obliges the Pair once united
by those Tyes to wear a Show of Love;
but where is the Man who has one
Month become a Husband, that can with “truth D1r 17
truth aver he feels the same unbated
Fondness for his Wife, as when her untasted
Charms first won him to her
Arms.—Had Circumstances concur’d,
I could, however, have been content to
drag those Chains with you, so uneasy
to be borne, by most of those who wear
them; but since Affairs have happened
contrary to both our Expectations, lay
the fault on Fate, and not on me, who
would else have still avow’d my self to
be what I once was, Your most Affectionate Melladore. P.S. I would have you take notice
that this is an Answer to the first of
your Epistles;―the other I think not
worthy of a serious Regard, and would
advise you to send no more to me on
any score, this being the last you will
receive from me. And am still so much
your Friend as to wish your Peace;
which, if you really love me with that
Ardour you pretend, you can never
retrieve, till you resolve to think no
more of what has past between us:
there being a Necessity that we must
part for ever.” D It D1v 18

It must be something more terrible than
Storms or Whirl-winds, or the Roar of
foaming Seas, which can describe the Hurricane
of her outrageous Soul at reading
this Letter:―Reason she had none, nor
Reflection, but what served to bring a
thousand direful Ideas of approaching Misery
before her Eyes;— more than once
did she in the first Gust of her Passion endeavour
to lay violent Hands on her own
Life, but was prevented by a Servant
Maid, in whose presence she received these
stabbing Lines. The unusual Force of
those Emotions with which she was agitated,
threw her into a Mother’s Pangs long
before the time prefix’d by Nature, her
Delivery was arriv’d, and by that means
the Consequence of her too easy Love
proved no more than an Abortion.―
The Danger to which this Accident expos’d
her, made her life despair’d of by
every body about her; and in spite of the
late Attempts she had made on herself, she
no sooner found she was given over by the
Skilful, than she verified that Saying of
the Poets: “―The Thoughts of death To one near Death are Dreadful.”

Tho’ press’d with ills, which neither
Philosophy nor Religion can enable us to sustain D2r 19
sustain with Patience and every Hour we
wish to be no more, we fear to pass the
Gates of Life, and travel that dark and
unknown Road whence none return to
tell what they have met ’Tis in general
so with us:―Some, indeed, may have
a greater share of Fortitude than poor
Glicera, but few there are who hear unmov’d
the Warnings of their Fate, especially
in Youth.

The extreme Fear she had of Death,
in some measure contributed to prolong
her Life; for all her Cares being buried
in that superior one, the Distraction of
her Mind abated:―To this may be also
another Reason added, which was, that
her desire of Living made her readily
comply with every thing prescribed her
by the Physicians; and their Skill and Care,
join’d to her own strength of Nature, at
last restor’d her to that Health, which
none who saw her in her Illness imagined
she ever would have enjoy’d again.

But while she languished in Pangs which
were look’d on as the Harbingers of Death,
was the perfidious Melladore triumphing
in a Bridegroom’s Joys. He was married
to a young Maid call’d Helena, whose
Father being lately dead, was reputed to
be worth 5000 Crowns, and those were
Charms which in his avaritious Eyes far
exceeded those Glicera was possess’d of, D2 and D2v 20
and tho’ infinitely inferior to her in every
Perfection both of Mind and Body, was
thought worthy his most tender Devoirs,
while the other unpitied, unregarded, was
almost dying under the Miseries which he
alone had brought upon her.

When she was told his last Proof of his
remorseless Infidelity, the News was near
throwing her into a Condition almost as
dangerous as that which she had lately
escap’d; her Passions, however, being
much weaken’d by the decay of her bodily
Strength, she fell not into those Ravings,
which drove her almost to Madness at the
first Causes she had to think him false:
And in a few Months she not only regain’d
her Health, but also a greater Tranquillity
of Mind than could be expected in a
Condition such as her’s.―The Memory
of her Wrongs, however, left her not a
Moment, and by degrees settled so implacable
a hatred in her Nature, not only to
Melladore, but to that whole undoing Sex,
that she never rejoic’d so much as when
she heard of the Misfortunes of any of
them.

The Affair between her and Melladore
being blaz’d abroad, was of too much
Disadvantage to her Reputation, to suffer
her to imagine she should be able to make
her Fortune by Marriage, tho’ several
there were that addressed her in Terms which D3r 21
which had the appearance of Honourable;
but she had already experienced Mankind,
and was not to be deceived again by the
most specious Pretences: despising therefore
the whole Sex, she resolved to behave
to them in a manner which might
advance both her Interest and Revenge;
and as nothing is capable of giving more
Vexation to a Lover, than a Disappointment
when he thinks himself secure from
the Fears of it, she gave Encouragement
to the Hopes of as many as sollicited her,
―She received their Treats and Presents
smil’d on all, tho’ never so Old or Disagreeable;
nor indeed was it a greater
Task, to feign a Tenderness for the most
Ugly than the Loveliest of Mankind—
for all alike were hateful to her Thoughts.

Among the Number of those whom
her Beauty attracted, and the hope of
gaining her more firmly engaged, was an
Alderman, immensely Rich, but so Old
that none who had beheld his wither’d
Face, and shaking Limbs, would have believed
that in those shrivell’d Veins there
was a Warmth sufficient to maintain Life,
much less to propagate Desire. His
palsied Tongue, and toothless Gums, however,
mumbled out a strange Fervency of
Passion; and tho’ it was scarce possible to
refrain laughing in his Face, yet did she
listen to him with a Seriousness which made D3v 22
made him not doubt but that he should
be in time as happy as he could wish.
His Age and Dotage making her believe
she should be able to profit herself more
by him than any other of her Enamorato’s,
induced her to treat him with a
double Portion of seeming Kindness, nor
did he fail to return the Favours she was
pleased to grace him with; scarce ever
did he visit her without testifying his
Gratitude for the deference she paid him
in some fine Present.—She abounded in
Rings, Toys for her Watch, Plate of all
kinds, and Jewels; but all these were no
more than so many Earnests of his future
Zeal:―The last and greatest Favour
was yet to come, and he assured her that
there wanted only to engage him to
make her a Settlement, which should support
her in a manner as grand, as that
in which the Wife of Melladore at present
liv’d. But vastly different were the
Designs which made her treat him in the
sort she did, from those which he imagined
them to be; and resolving to make
the most of his Folly, she let into the Secret
of her Thoughts a young Woman
with whom she was exceeding intimate,
called Laphelia. This Confidante, who
had a ready Wit, to try the Force of this
old Wretch’s Love, was left sometimes
to entertain him, while Glicera pretendeded D4r 23
to be engaged elsewhere on some extraordinary
Business. And when he would
be talking of her, and almost exhausting
the little stock of Breath left him in Encomiums
on the Beauty of his absent Mistress,
in this fashion would the other reply
to him: “Grubguard,” said she, (for that
was the Name of this decrepid Lover,) “I
wonder not that you should be charm’d
with Glicera, who is without exception
the loveliest Woman in the World, but I
am amaz’d that a Man of your Sense
should go so wrong a way to work for
your Designs:―Do you believe that
she will ever be brought to like that formal
Dress and Behaviour with which you
accost her?―She that has a thousand
young Noblemen dying at her Feet, each
in the Habit of an Adonis.―Embroidery,
Powder, and Perfume are infinitely
taking to our Sex.―A very Angel of a
Man with a Bob wig, a Hat uncock’d and
flapping o’er his Eyes like Obadiah in the
Play, no Sword, and a dirty Pair of Gloves,
would be detestable in a Woman’s Eyes.”
“Humph,” reply’d the Dotard, (after a little
Pause) “I took Glicera for a Person of
more Understanding than to prefer an outward
Finery to intrinsick Virtues of
her Lover.―My Passion for her is violent
and strong, ’tis sincere without Dissimulation
or Hypocrisy;―then for my Con- D4v 24
Constancy, no Martyr would suffer more
for fair Glicera than would her faithful
Grubguard.―But if ’tis Dress must
please her, I can afford to wear as fine
Clothes as any Man, and, it may be, become
them as well.” Scarce could Laphelia
contain her self from bursting into a
loud Laughter at these Words; but she
forbore till after he was gone, and relating
the Discourse which had pass’d between
them to Glicera, nothing could
afford greater Diversion to them both, unless
it were the sight of him the next
Visit he made, wholly transform’d from
what he had been.―Never was an Object
of more Ridicule, and tho’ they had
form’d a most comical Idea in their Minds
of what he would appear; for Laphelia
was certain he would endeavor to ingratiate
himself by this means, yet it was infinitely
short of the Reality.––A white
Perriwig with a huge Fore-top, Clothes
trim’d with Silver, a long Sword with a
brocaded Ribband hanging to it, and every
Implement of the most perfect Beau
which, join’d to a diminutive Stature, small
Face and Limbs, made him look exactly
like one of those little Imitators of Humanity,
which are carried about Streets
to make Sport for Children.

Nor was his Habit the greatest part of
the Jest, his whole Deportment was also chang’d: E1r 25
chang’d; the Minuit and Boree Steps
which he had learn’d about some sixty or
seventy Years past, he now recalled to
mind, and would now and then attempt
to cut a Caper as he walk’d cross the
Room, to present his Snuff-box to the Ladies,
cramb’d full of Orangerée:—But
in the midst of these fine Airs, Age unluckily
expos’d itself, and down he fell at
the Feet of his Mistress, more through Weakness than Excess of Passion.—This Accident,
in spite of all they had resolv’d, made
them burst into an immoderate Laughter,
which had like to have spoil’d all; for
the Alderman, too conscious of the just
Cause he had given them for Mirth, was a
little out of humour at it, and began to make
an aukward Excuse, that having been at
a Country-Dancing some time before, he
had sprain’d his Ancle, which had ever
since been weak. Glicera, vex’d that she
had so far discovered the contemptible
Opinion she had of him, had her Face imediately
cover’d with a Scarlet-blush; but
having a vast deal of ready Wit, recovering
herself from Confusion she had
been in, “I beg a thousand Pardons,” said
she, “for the Ill-manners I have doubtless
seem’d guilty of by so untimely a Mirth:
but I assure you, Sir! it was wholly my own
Folly I was ridiculing; for having a desire
that my Apartment should be particularly E Nice E1v 26
Nice to-day, I made my Maid scour the
Floor with new Milk, and the Cream
has occasion’d so great a Slipperiness in
the Boards, that I have twice myself had the
same Misfortune which has befallen you.”
“She was just telling me the Story when
you came in,” added Laphelia, willing to
second what she had said, “and if my Mirth
must have been fatal to me, I could not
for my Soul have forborn it, to see the
ill Success of my Friend’s over-great Care
to please.” This Excuse passing for a current
one, the transmografied Lover resum’d
his good Humour, and continued
his Grimaces and affected Manner of Behaviour
to so extravagant a degree, that
more than once the Ladies were in danger
of relapsing into that Error which had
lately cost their Invention some pains to
extricate themselves from.

Laphelia, to carry on the Jest, did not
fail however, the next time she had an
Opportunity, to tell him that her fair
Friend was wonderfully pleased with the
Change she observ’d in him, and that she
did not doubt but he would find the good
Effects of it in a short time: But they having
contrived together, how they might
make a better Advantage of this infatuation
that meerly Sport; she told him that
as he had begun, he must also perfect himself
in all the Accomplishments of the other E2r 27
other End of the Town; he must carry
them to the Play, the Opera, and the Masquerades,
and after attending them Home,
must fit down to Gaming. “No Man
ever gain’d his will on a fine Lady,” said
she, “till he had first lost a good Sum to her
at Cards;―nothing discovers the Passion
of a Lover so much as parting freely with
his Money, and there is no other way of
doing it handsomely:―Besides,” continued
she, “play will give you a thousand
Opportunities of expressing your Love and
Gallantry:―You forget what you are
doing, throw down one Card instead of
another, commit a thousand Errors in the
Game, and all through excess of Passion;
―you can think of nothing in the presence
of your Mistress but herself:―In
fine, there are so many pretty little Airs a
Man may give himself this way, that ’tis
impossible he should not be agreeable.”
Grubguard listened with a wonderful Attention
to this Discourse, and having met
with so encouraging a Reception from
Glicera, that he had not doubted obtaining
the last Favour; yet finding she still evaded
the grant of it, he imagin’d indeed
that there was something more she expected
from him: He was not unacquainted
with the loss of her Fortune, and her
Sufferings on account of Melladore, and
knew very well that she must want Money;E2 ney; E2v 28
it therefore seemed feasible to him
that she had made Laphelia, who he
knew was dearly beloved by her, to talk
to him in this manner. Resolving therefore
to comply with the Humour, he
thank’d her for the Advice she had given
him, and told her he would most certainly
obey it.

Nor did he do any otherwise than he had
said, there was not the least particular of
the Injunction laid upon him that he did
not observe, with all the Exactness imaginable;
and the Sums which every Night
he lost to Glicera, took from her in a
very few Weeks all need of lamenting her
want of Money.―In this manner did
she continue to delude him for a considerable
Time: a true Lover like a Camelion
can subsist for a long while on Air, and
stedfastly believing that the Measures he
took would certainly put him in possession
of his Wishes in the end, he waited with
Patience for the happy Minute.

But it was not on this old Dotard alone
that Glicera had Power, a great Number
of much younger and wittier Men
gave her the Opportunity of revenging
on that Sex the Injuried she had received
from one of them; and having as large a
Share of Sense as Beauty, knew so well
how to manage the Conquests she gain’d,
that not one whose Heart confess’d the Triumph E3r 29
Triumph of her Eyes, but made a Sacrifice
also of his Purse.―So magnificent
was she in the Trophies of her Slaves,
that few Court-Beauties appeared more
ornamented then did this City-Belle, when
ever she appeared in any publick Place;
and never did a Woman passionately in
love take greater Pains to captivate the
ador’d Object of her Affections than did
this fair Jilt, to appear amiable in the
Eyes of Mankind. Tho’ she had enough
overcome all Thoughts of Melladore, not
to languish for his Return, or even wish
to see him; yet the Hatred which his Ingratitude
had created in her Mind was so
fix’d and rooted there, that it became part
of her Nature, and she seem’d born only
to give Torment to the whole Race of
Man, nor did she know another Joy in
Life. In this Position let us leave her
for a while, each Day attracting to her
worshipp’d Shrine some new Adorer, gay,
pleas’d and vain in conquering Beauty
and superior Charms, and see what Fate
in the mean time attended the perfidious
Melladore, whose cruel Treatment had
first occasionecd so strange a Change in her
once gentle and unartful Soul.

In some few days after his Marriage
with Helena, he want to receive her Fortune;
but how terribly Just was his Disappointment,
when the Banker in whose hands E3v 30
hands it was lodg’d, told him, that the
Moment before he came he had receiv’d
a Caveat to put a stop to his Payment of
the whole or any part of it, till a material
Question should be decided between
the Lawyers: Which was, that the next
of Kin to the Father of Helena, objected
that the Marriage Ceremony between
that Gentlemen and her Mother had never
been perform’d, and dar’d the old
Lady, who was still living, to the Proof.
Full of the extremest Vexation did Melladore
return home with this News; but
Helena, who at the hearing it was not
much less perplex’d, immediately sending
for her Mother, they both grew more
satisfied on her protesting that it was only
a malicious Prosecution, and that nothing
could be more easy than it was for her to
prove her Marriage.

Now were the best Lawyers consulted,
and the Suit on both sides carryed on with
the utmost Vigour, the Gentlemen of the
long Robe flattering their Clients of each
Party with hopes of Success: The truth
is, both made out their several Cafes in
so fair a manner, and had so great a
Number of Evidences ready to attest the
Truth of what they said, that they deceived
themselves; which makes good the
Proverb, that says, “whoever conceals the
truth of his Distemper from his Physician,an, E4r 31
or the Cause he would defend from
his Lawyer, is sure of being worsted.”
Melladore relying on the Assurances made
him by his Mother-in-law, talk’d of nothing
but the Damages he should recover
of his Adversaries, and spent his Money
freely in Treats and Fees for extraordinary
Diligence, not doubting but that all
would be returned to him with ample
Interest. Thus did he exult till the Day
appointed for the Tryal on the Examination
of Witnesses: Those who appear’d for
the Mother of Helena, appear’d so distracted
in their Evidences, contradicted
each other, and committed so many Errors,
that the Judge had good reason to
believe they had been corrupted; therefore
ordering them to be put apart, he
questioned them one by one, on which
they were easily detected of Perjury, and
Melladore, Helena, and her Mother hiss’d
out of Court with the utmost Derision;
the whole Effects of the Deceas’d decreed
to the young Gentleman who began the
Process, and Melladore, for so ill defending
it, condemn’d to pay the Expence.

What was now the Condition of this
guilty and unhappy Man? He had now not
only married a Wife without a Fortune,
but also a Woman basely born, and in
whose Disposition he had reason to
believe there was some tincture of her Mother’s E4v 32
Mother’s Nature: Besides all this, the
prodigious Charge he had been at, in carrying
on the Law, had very much broke
in upon his Stock, he was not only oblig’d
to call in several Sums he had out at Interest,
but was likewise compell’d to borrow:
Yet he did not the Pride and Extravagance
of Helena abate, by these Mortifications;
she would keep as many Servants
as before, as good a Table, and
wear as rich Clothes: this occasion’d many
bitter Quarrels between them, which
in a very little time intirely eras’d all the
former Tenderness that either had for the
other. He endeavor’d to exert the Authority
of a Husband in restraining her
Expences; she show’d herself a very Wise
in the worst Sense, and without any Consideration
of the ill Circumstances to
which they were in danger of reduc’d
by her riotous manner of Life, had
no bounds to her Desires, but sought the
immediate Gratification of them, let it
cost what it would: And to what Extremes
sometimes her Inclinations were
capable of transporting her, he discover’d
soon after the loss of the Law-Suit.

Happening to come into her Chamber
on a sudden, he surpriz’d her with a Paper
in her Hand, on which her Eyes being
intently fix’d, she saw him not till he
was very near her; but as soon as she perceiv’d F1r 33
perceiv’d him, she attempted to put it in
her Pocket. The Confusion which overspread
her Face as she was about to do so,
excited his Curiosity, and made him not
doubt but that there was something extraordinary
in it; he therefore demanded to
see it, which she refusing, he went to
seize by Force: they struggled for some
time, but his Strength at last prevailing,
he took it from her; and as if his Misfortunes
were not already great enough, he
found an Addition to them in the following
Lines.

“To the Lovely Helena. Bad as you believe your Husband’s
Circumstances, I can assure you they
are infinitely worse than you imagine;
his ready Money is not only gone, but
he is about to mortgage those Acres
which were design’d your Jointure, in
case Fortune had been as kind to you as
your Virtues merited. I heard this account
of him last Night from one perfectly
acquainted with his Affairs:―I
would, therefore, once more endeavour
to persuade you, to save what you can
out of that general Ruin in which you
else will certainly, and shortly be involv’d.
―The Ship I told you of, sets
sail for Holland in a few days; pack F “up F1v 34
up your Jewels, and what other valuable
Things you have, with all possible
expedition, and leave this unworthy
Husband.―I have provided a Concealment
for you till the departure of
the Vessel begins the happy Æra of our
Lives, and begins our Voyage to a Land
where we may live, and love, uninterrupted
by any jealous Eyes:―Let
your Answer be left for me at the usual
Place, if you cannot come abroad.―
Farewell my angle,―I long to feast
on those luxurious Joys you have yet but
permitted me to taste, and to prove
the eternal Vigour of My adorable Helena’s
most devoted Slave, Villagnan.”

This Villagnan was a kind of a Merchant,
one at least who by retailing some
petty Commodities between England and
Holland, assumed to himself that Name.
Melladore knew him well, he had frequently
bought such Goods of him as he
dealt in, and it was by that means he had
an Opportunity of conversing with Helena,
and discovering enough of her Disposition
to encourage him to make a Declaration
of Love to her. But never was Surprize
or Rage equal to the Force of both these Passions F2r 35
Passions in the Soul of Melladore at reading
this Letter; little could he have believ’d,
without so convincing a Proof, that
such a Man would have attempted the
Honour of a Woman like Helena, much
less that her Pride would have suffer’d her
to have rewarded his Love, or even condescended
to listen to any Discourses on
that Subject from one so infinitely inferior
to her in every Circumstance. He having
never felt much more for her than an Indifference,
which by his late Uneasiness on
her account was grown into a kind of
a distaste, now turn’d to a perfect loathing
on the knowledge of her Falshood:―He
upbraided her in terms which let her see
there was not the least remains of Tenderness
for her in his Heart;―if there had,
Grief would have been mingled with his
Indignation, and his Sorrow at the discovery
that he had a Rival in her Love,
been equal to the Rage which the Injury
she had done his and her own Honour
caused. But instead of that tender Concern
which a truly affectionate Husband
could not have avoided testifying even in
the midst of his Reproaches; all his Looks
and Words denoted only Hate, inveterate
Hate, and the most keen Disdain. She,
on the other side, made show of as little
Regret, neither denying, nor excusing
the Crime she had been guilty of, but behavingF2 having F2v 36
with a haughty Sullenness: All
the Answer he could be able to get from
her, being only that the Usage she had
of late received from him was sufficient
to provoke any Woman. He so little endur’d
her in his sight, that he was some
time in debate with himself whether he
should by confining her take care to prevent
her from dishonouring him for the
future; or by leaving to her Liberty,
suffer her to take the advice of her Enamorato,
and by that means get rid of her.
He now repented he had seen the Letter,
which if he had not, she had infallibly been
gone; but now to endure her leaving him
in this manner, he thought would look
too tame, and subject him to the ridicule
of the World; not for any Love of
her Society, therefore, but for the sake
of his own Character, did he disappoint
her Lover’s Hopes, by locking her into a
Garret, of which, suffering none but himself
to keep the Key, nor to go in to carry
her Food to sustain Life; he took from
her all possibility of escaping, till he heard
the Ship mention’d in the Letter had put
out to Sea, and in it the Man so charming
in Helena’s Eyes. Then did he with an
Air wholly compos’d of Scorn set open
the Doors, and tell her she was free to go
to her dear Villagnan if she could find
the way to him; tho’ he had taken care she F3r 37
she should carry no more out of his House
than she brought into it, having secur’d
what Jewels and Plate he has presented
her with before and since she was his Wife,
leaving at her disposal only a few Clothes,
and not the best even of those.

But in this Kingdom how great is the
Privilege of Wives! how dangerous is
it for a Husband to irritate them, tho’ on
the most justifiable Provocation! and generally
speaking, the most guilty, are the
least able to endure Reproof, as a celebrated
Poet justly observes; “Forgiveness to the Injur’d does belong, But they ne’er pardon who have done
the wrong.”

The Severity with which Helena found
herself treated by Melladore, notwithstanding
the Cause she had given him,
rouz’d all that was vindictive in her Nature,
and regarding him with equal Hate,
meditated nothing but how she should be
able to return the Indignities with which
he us’d her; Nor was it long before she
found the Means. She went to the House
of a Woman who had been the Confidante
of her Amour with Villagnan, and was
a Person perfectly skill’d in all the little
Artifices of the Town. By her advice she
took up, on the Credit of her Husband, not F3v 38
not only all manner of Apparel, Jewels,
Plate, rich Furniture, but also several large
Sums of Money; Melladore retaining yet
the Reputation of being able to discharge
much greater Debts.

The Noise, however, of her being separated
from her Husband, made every
one bring in their Bills much sooner than
otherwise they would have done; and ’tis
hard to say, whether Astonishment, or
Rage, was most predominant over the Soul
of this unhappy Husband when he found
what she had done. He could not have
imagin’d, that considering the Disadvantages
she already lay under in every Circumstance,
she would have dared to have
acted in this manner; but so he found it,
to compleat his Ruin: nor was there any
Possibility of evading the Payment of
those Persons who had given her Credit.
How truly wretched now had a few
Months made the once prosperous, rich,
gay, haughty Melladore; and how severely
did the unerring Hand of Providence
revenge the Injuries he had done Glicera!
Scarce could one think there was a Woe,
in store superior to those already named;
yet he did hereafter meet with one, which
when compar’d, all others seem’d light
and insignificant.

The vast Expences which had attended
the Law-Suit, the riotous Manner in which F4r 39
which he liv’d after his Marriage with
Helena, her Extravagancies at that time,
and her Contrivances since her Elopement
of undoing him, reduc’d him to mortgage
the last Stake he now had left him;
and so closely did avenging Fate pursue
him, that as if it was not a sufficient
Punishment for the Crime he had been
guilty of, in breach of Vows, that he had
met with those very Misfortunes in the
Woman he had made choice of, which to avoid,
he had made himself that Criminal;
he must also have the Person he had
wrong’d, the Arbitratress of his Destiny,
and become wholly in the power of one
from whom he neither could, nor ought
to hope for Mercy.

So was it order’d by the divine Dispensation,
to render his Shame the greater, that
Alderman Grubguard was the Person to
whom he mortgag’d his Lands. Had he
known the Attachments he was under to
Glicera, or indeed that he had been of
her Acquaintance, sooner would he have
leap’d a Precipice, plung’d himself into
outrageous Seas, done any thing rather
than have suffer’d his Misfortunes to be
known by one, who, in all probability
would reveal them to her: But wholly
ignorant of the Correspondence held between
them, Fate it was that directed him
to Grubguard, who no sooner had the Mortgage F4v 40
Mortgage in his hands, than he came to
Glicera, and rejoiced that he had News
to tell her, in which he was very certain
she would take delight. He immediately
related to her the whole Story: She had
before been inform’d of the Disappointment
he had met with in his Wife’s Affairs,
the Law-Suit, how she had been
prov’d in open Court Illegitimate, and
her Elopement since; but now to be assur’d
that he was also ruin’d in his own
Fortune, inevitably undone, fill’d her
with a Satisfaction so exquisite, that for a
moment she thought it impossible it could
be exceeded; but soon it gave way to an
impatient Desire, which gave her an adequate
Share of Disquiet.―She long’d to
be the Mistress of that Writing which
gave the Person who had it in possession,
the Power of all that Melladore was now
worth in the World, and the little probability
there was that Grubguard would
have Gallantry enough to make a Present
of so much consequence, and what had
cost him so great a Sum of Money, spread
through all her Soul so mortal a Bitter,
that it empoison’d all the Sweets her Revenge
had tasted at the first News of Melladore’s
Misfortunes. She appear’d in so
ill a Humour all the time the Alderman
stay’d with her, that he imagin’d she still
loved that false Man, and that her melancholycholy G1r 41
proceeded from the Knowledge of
his Ruin. This gave our old Enamorato
as much Anxiety of Mind as he had Delicacy
enough to be capable of; and he
long’d for an Opportunity of communicating
his Opinion to Laphelia, who he
fancied was a very great Friend to him,
since she had given him advice to new-
model his Dress and Behaviour.

Glicera was no less impatient to consult
Departure of the Alderman gave her liberty,
she sent for her, and acquainted
her with what he had related to her concerning
Melladore, and the Uneasiness
she was in to have the Mortgage of his
Estate in her possession. Laphelia could
not forbear chiding her for the exorbitancy
of her Wishes:―“I never heard of
any thing so unreasonable in my Life,” said
she: “is it not enough for you Revenge that
the Man who has wrong’d you is undone
in every Circumstance, without triumphing
yourself in the ruin of his Fortune:—”
“That Fortune,” answer’d the other, “ought
to have been mine, had Melladore been
just,―nor do I think it sufficient that
he has lost it, without also have gain’d
it. How often has he sworn, that were
he matter of ten thousand Worlds, they
all were mine:―With what a seeming
Zeal and Sanctity, has he invok’d each G Saint G1v 42
Saint in Heaven a Witness of his Vows
to me!―O never, never can the
Breach of them be pardon’d, nor never
shall I think my Wrongs repair’d, till I
am in possession of my Right;―I mean,”
continu’d she, “the Estate of Melladore;
for his Person, were he in a Condition,
is now become unworthy my Acceptance.”
Laphelia perceiving she was resolute,
offer’d no more in contradiction to what
she said, but told her that she thought
there was little cause for her Uneasiness
on the score she had named, for that she
durst swear the Alderman had Love enough
to give her the half of all he was
worth, much less would he deny to make
her a Present of his Mortgage. “O my
dear Laphelia,” cry’d she, “could we but
bring that about, how happy should I be!”
“Never doubt it, Glicera,” reply’d the other,
“leave it to my Management; and as I have
begun to instruct him in the Rudiments
of Gallantry, depend upon it I will make
him perfectly accomplish’d for our Purpose
before I have done with him.” A vast
deal of further Discourse, much to the
same purpose, past between them; at the
Conclusion of which, it was agreed that
Grubguard should be invited the next
day to play at Ombre with them, and
that Glicera should be call’d out of the
Room, on some pretence that her assisting Friend G2r 43
Friend might have an Opportunity of
trying her Wit, and the power she had of
deceiving handsomely; after which, Night
being pretty well advanc’d, they took
leave of each other, the one departed to
perfect the Stratagem which as yet was
but an Embrio in her inventive Brain,
and our fair Jilt to pray to all the Powers
of Eloquence to assist her in her Designs.

Our old Beau, who had past the Night
in Perplexities, equal with those Glicera
sustain’d, was infinitely pleas’d at the Invitation
made him next day, especially
when he heard that Laphelia was to be
there, not doubting but that he should be
able to persuade her to let him into the
secret of his Mistress’s Chagrin; he therefore
prevented the appointed Hour, in
hope of getting some Opportunity of
speaking to her alone; his Impatience,
therefore, forwarding the Gratification of
the other, soon after he came in, a Servant
belonging to the House where Glicera
lodg’d, told her there was one desir’d to
speak with her. On which, after having
made a short Apology for her absence,
she went out of the Room, and left them
together.

She was no sooner gone, than Grubguard
unwilling to lose a Moment, drew
his Chair near to that Laphelia was sitting
in, and began to relate to her the G2 Troubles G2v 44
Troubles of his Mind; but she no sooner
heard what had occasion’d them, than to
save him the labour of further Speech,
she interrupted him in this manner: “How
ingeniously,” said she laughing, “does Love
torment his Votaries!―The wanton
God prides himself in your Pains, and
finds out a thousand Ways to make you
delay the Bliss for which you languish;—
you are at this time the happiest Man in
the World, and you do not know it.—Fortune
has put in your power the only Means to
gain Glicera’s Favour; and I am certain
should the greatest Monarch on Earth
become your Rival, he must sue in vain,
unless possess’d of one thing, which none
but Grubguard has the means of bestowing.”
“You speak in Riddles, Madam!”
answer’d the old Dotard, “but if there be
a possibility of my being happy, why
will you not let me know?―There is
nothing I would not do to express my
Love for fair Glicera, nor to testify my
Gratitude to you.” “I have told her so,” resum’d
the artful Laphelia, “I am certain
you that have given her so many Proofs
of your unbounded Passion, would not
scruple to add one more, especially when
it will be the last that will be expected
from you, and infallibly put you in immediate
possession of your Wishes.” “Ah!”
cry’d he, (in a Transport which was pretty near G3r 45
near depriving him of the small Stock of
Breath which Nature had left him, to
keep the almost expiring Lamp of Life
awake;) “dear, dear, Laphelia! inform
me what it is, that I may fly to make
this acceptable Offering at the Shrine of
my ador’d Goddess, and I will worship
thee for the kind Direction.” “How just
was my Opinion of you,” said she, “and
how much had Glicera wrong’d your
wondrous Passion, to imagine you would
think such a Trifle too great a Price for
the purchase of her Love.” “Ah the Cruel!”
(mumbled he out, with his toothless Gums,)
“but when I get her once in my Possession,
I will so revenge myself for all her Coyness.
―But sweet Girl,” continued he,
“let me know what it is she expects or desires
of me, before she resigns me her Paradise
of Beauty.” “Nothing,” reply’d she,
(who now thought he was sufficiently
work’d up) “but to make her a Present of
that Mortgage you received yesterday
from Melladore.”— Here she stop’d, observing
all the time his Countenance, in
which she saw immediately so great a
Change, as made her more than half afraid
she had taken all this pains to no
purpose; and perceiving he continued in
a profound Silence, “Heavens!” resum’d she,
“has my Penetration deceiv’d me then!―
do you hesitate if you should accept so great G3v 46
great a Blessing as Glicera, when offer’d
you on Terms so easy?―Is such a Sum
to be valued in competition with the Enjoyment
of so fine a Woman?”―“You
quite mistake my Thoughts,” answer’d he,
“’tis not the Money I boggle at; were it
twice as much, I could afford to make a
Sacrifice of it for my Pleasure:―But
alack! I have no Notion, that after all
this, I shall be a jot the nearer to the Gratification
of my Wishes:―To be plain,
I am afraid she has still a kindness for
that Spendthrift, and aims to get the Writings
out of my hands only to return
them into his;—I should then, indeed,
be finely fool’d.”—“O fye, Mr. Alderman!
I am asham’d of your distrust,” cry’d she,
interrupting him; “can you suspect her of
so much Folly, or me of such an unexampled
piece of Baseness, to persuade you
to this Generosity, if I did not know you
would you find your account in it?—I assure
you she hates Melladore, and so far from
giving him up his Bond, she wishes to have
it in her possession, for no other reason
than to prosecute the Penalty of it with
more Rigour than perhaps other Person
would do.―This I can aver to you
is Truth, and durst pawn my Life on the
Certainty of what I say:—But,” pursu’d
she, affecting to seem displeas’d, “I shall
trouble myself no farther between you,—
’tis in vain to endeavour to make People happy, G4r 47
happy, who are resolv’d to be the contrary:
—I am only sorry I should say so much
in your behalf last Night, since I find
Glicera was in the right to believe you
did not love her half so well as you
pretended.” “She cannot be more belov’d
than she is by me,” resum’d the Dotard,
“and I have spar’d no Expence either of
Time or Money to convince her of it;—
but as I know Melladore was once very
dear to her, you cannot blame my Jealousy;
—they say, old Love can never be
forgot, and if she should lay this Stratagem
to deliver him his Writings, my easy
Nature would be the Jest of the whole
Town.” “Not more than her’s, good Grubguard,”
reply’d Laphelia, “the Injuries she
has received from Melladore are not of
a nature to pardoned, much less rewarded
to the prejudice of another, as
this would be to you.—Believe me, I
am perfectly acquainted with her very
Soul, and know that she has only the extremest
Detestation for that unworthy
Man; and if you require it, will give you
my solemn Oath.”—“No, no, it needs not,”
interrupted he, “let her put me in possession
of her Charms, and I will put her in
possession of the Writing;—this she will
not scruple, if she really designs to make
me happy.” “Bless me!” cry’d Laphelia
with an air of Surprize, “I would not have her G4v 48
her hear for the World;―are you
mad?―For shame, Alderman, recant
what you have said.―I wonder how
you could forget yourself and her so far,
as to be guilty of such a Thought:―
you talk as if you were in Change Alley,
where they chaffer one Transfer for another,
―Is such a Woman as Glicera
to be had by way of Bargain?” Nothing
could be more pleasant than the Figure
he made at this moment. He stood with
his Mouth half open, and his Eyes fix’d
on her with an unmeaning Stare, all the
time she was speaking; nor when she left
off, could he either gether up his Countenance,
or recollect his Spirits enough to
make her any answer; and she went on
in this manner: “Is this,” said she, “the effect
of all the pains I have taken to make
you worthy of Glicera, and have you
given her so many proofs of your Passion,
to be found deficient at last, when she
was on the very brink of yielding too?—
Did she not say last Night, as we were
walking together in the Garden, that she
thought she had held out long enough
against a Person of your Accomplishments
and Gallantry, and that there wanted
but this one Experiment more to be made
of your Generosity, before she threw herself
into your Arms.—With what an
angelic Softness in her Voice and Eyes did she H1r 49
she leaning on my Should, ask me, if
I did not think you the most agreeable
Man breathing;—then sigh’d and blush’d:
―but I will reveal no more, I will
rather persuade her to call back her Heart.”
―As she was proceeding, the old Sinner,
who by this Discourse imagin’d, indeed,
that he was belov’d by her: “Ah Laphelia!”
cry’d he out, “do not be so unkind,
―she shall have the Mortgage, and I
will trust to her Goodness for the Recompence
of my Passion; nor did I mean to
offend her by those foolish Words, which
I beseech you do not report to her, but
tell me in what manner this Present will
be most acceptable.” “That indeed requires
some thought,” said Laphelia; “and the
time you have lost in these idle Scruples,
had much better have been employ’d in
contriving this handsomely: The manner
of conferring an Obligation, if often more
than the Obligation itself.―If you give
it to her in the fashion you have done a
Ring, or Pair of Ear-rings, or some such
trifle, I know not if her delicacy will accept
it, on the account of the large Sum
she knows you have paid down for it;—
I would therefore have you do it in the
same way as you have enforc’d her, as it
were, to take your Money,—that is, lose
it at play.—I will pretend to be a little
indispos’d, and refuse the Cards:—do H you H1v 50
you two fit down to Picquet, and after
you have play’d three or four Games, you
may say you have no more ready Money
about you, but will set her this Bond
against a Kiss, or some such Favour.―
I do not know any thing that will be more
truly Gallant, and testify you to have a
greater Acquaintance with the Beau
Monde, than such a Behaviour.―I
know you will not leave this Apartment
without your Reward, and that I may
be no obstacle to your Happiness—as
soon as I see the Bond lost, still continuing
my feign’d Illness, I will take my Leave,
and give you the Liberty of playing on,
or making what use you please of the
Discovery I have made you after I am
gone.”

Scarce could the Alderman contain his
Joy at this Assurance, and now not doubting
but that a few Hours would put him
in the full possession of what he had so
long been labouring to obtain, would
have fallen on his Knees to thank the obliging
Contriver of his Happiness, if he
had not known he must have put her to
the trouble of helping him on his Legs
again.―He utter’d a thousand Expressions
of Friendship and Gratitude after
his fashion, and affected to appear so florid,
that it was a task more difficult than
any she had yet gone through, for the Person H2r 51
Person to whom he addressed himself, to
forbear laughing, and by an ill-tim’d Mirth
destroy all she had been doing: but Glicera,
who pities the Constraint she was
under, and had been all this while no
farther than the next Room, which being
parted from the other only by a thin
Wainscot, gave her the Opportunity of
hearing all that had passed; no sooner
found her Friend had succeeded in the
Plot they had laid together, than she appear’d,
making a formal Excuse for having
stay’d so long. After which the Cards
were call’d for, and the Ombre-Table
brought; but Laphelia cry’d her Head
ach’d, and she could not play. “Let us have
a game at Picquet then, Madam,” said
the Alderman. “With all my heart,” reply’d
Glicera, “since that ill-natur’d Creature
will not make one among us.”

They play’d at first for small Stakes,
but the Alderman observing Directions to
a tittle, pretending he had no more Gold,
pluck’d out the Writings of Melladore’s
Estate, and cry’d, “Come Madam, will
you venture a Kiss against this?” “Yes,” answer’d
Glicera, and so begun the Game;
Grubguard every now and then looking
on Laphelia, endeavouring to discover
by her Countenance how she approv’d his
Behaviour, to which she gave him an assenting
Nod, and he play’d briskly on.— H2 The H2v 52
The Game was soon run off;―Glicera
had Point, or Quatorze almost every
time,―and drew the wish’d for Stake;
which, was soon as she had in her Hands,
“I know not,” said she, “if I have not been
playing for nothing, I understand so little
of Law, that I cannot be certain whether
I can demand the Penalty mentioned in
this Bond, without a farther power from
you than the bare possession of it.” “No,
fair Glicera,” reply’d the Alderman, “I will
not cheat you, and as you have fairly won
it, must also let you know, that before
you can act as Mortgagee, there must be
a Label annexed to the Writing, testifying
that these Deeds are assign’d to you for a
valuable Consideration receiv’d by me.”—
“I will have a Lawyer then to do it immediately,”
said she, “for I love not a Shadow
without a Substance.” “Nor will you feed
your Adorer with that airy Food I hope,”
resum’d Grubguard. “No,” answer’d she,
“to him who truly loves me, I would rather
exceed than be any way deficient in
the Gratitude I owe him.” These words confirming
him in the belief which Laphelia
had before inspir’d him with, made him
not in the least oppose her sending for a
Lawyer, who happening to live in the
same Street, came in a short time, and
made Glicera as full a Mortgagee as if she
had pay’d her Money down to Melladore
for that power.

The H3r 53

The Lawyer, as soon as he had done
his Business, took his Leave, and Laphelia,
who stay’d only to set her hand as a
Witness, now retired, as she had promised
the Alderman she would do. Scarce had
she left the Room a moment, before the
Dotard run to her as fast as Age and
Weakness would permit, and began to
testify by his Behaviour that he now look’d
upon her as his own; but soon did she
strike a damp on the Boldness of his aspiring
Hopes, her very Looks were sufficient
to have aw’d a Lover more emboldened:
―“Think not,” said she, “to treat
me with any other Liberties than such as
the chastest Vestal might approve.―It
is not in the power of the loveliest, wittiest,
and most engaging of all your Sex, to
tempt me to an Act of Shame, much less
in thine, thou Wretch! worn out with
Diseases, bow’d down even to the Grave
with Age:―Rather shouldst thou employ
the remnant of thy Days in Penitence
and Prayer for past Offences, than
attempt new ones:―how canst thou,
durst thou, think of Sin, when every moment
thou hast before thy Eyes unceasing
Monitors of thy approaching Fate? Death
and Futurity ought to be now the only
Subjects of thy Care, and the vain Pleasures
of this World seem odious even to
Remembrance.” “And is it for this,” said he, H3v 54
he, “that I have parted with so much Money,
and the Mortgage of Melladore’s
Estate!—Did you not tell me that you
would not be ungrateful to the Man who
truly lov’d you.” “Yes,” reply’d she, “nor
would I be so, were Love and Honour to
be found among you; but you are Betrayers
all;―vile Hypocrites! who
feign a Tenderness only to undo us.—
The Man who truly Loves would Marry
me; that is not in thy power, already art
thou wedded, then what pretence hast
thou to a noble Passion:—If I encourag’d
thy Addresses, or accepted thy Gifts, ’twas
but to punish thy impudent Presumption.
—I rais’d thy hopes to make thy Fall
from them at once more shocking, and
receiv’d thy Presents by way of Payment,
for the pains I have taken to reform thee,
which sure, if not incorrigible, this Treatment
will.—Go home, therefore, and
resolve if possible to be honest, and I will
then esteem and thank thee for the Benefits
thou hast conferr’d upon me; but till
then, I look on them only as so many Baits
to Shame, and given only to betray my
Virtue.”

’Twould be needless to say anything of
the Rage of this disappointed Lover, the
Reader will easily believe it was excessive;
’tis certain never Man had a greater
Shock, and he testifyed his Sense of it in the H4r 55
the most bitter Expressions his Capacity
would enable him to make; but all he
said, having no effect on her, he fell into
such railings and revilings, that she was
oblig’d to bid him quit the House, and
threaten’d that if he stay’d and continued
his Incivilities, she would send for those
should teach him better Manners.

Thus ended the Amour of old Grubguard,
and ’tis highly probably that after
this he made an attack on no other Woman;
for the Mortification he had receiv’d
in this, joining with his Age and Infirmities,
in a short time sent him to answer in
another World the Errors he had been
guilty of in this.

Melladore, being a little time inform’d
that Glicera was now the Mortgagee
of his Estate, made use of all the
Interest he had in the World, to raise
Money to pay if off, having heard too
much of the hatred she bore him, and was
too conscious of the just Cause he had
given her for it, not to expect she would
treat him with the utmost Severity. But
alas! tho’ he had many Relations and
Acquaintance, who had it in their Power
to have oblig’d him, he found none who
had the Will, and was now by sad Experience
convinced that the Unfortunate have
new Friends. All this endeavours proving
unsuccessful, and his Wife still continuing her H4v 56
her Extravagancies, drove him into the
greatest Extremities to which a Man can
be reduc’d.―He was obliged to live
conceal’d in an obscure part of the Town
to avoid being prosecuted for Debt;—
he was in want of almost every Necessary
of Life,—and what was more terrible
than all besides, Remorse and late Repentance
lash’d his tormented Soul with everduring
Stings: He was no sensible of,
and acknowledged in Agonies not to be
express’d, the Justice of the divine Power
in subjecting him to one he had so greatly
wrong’d; he saw the hand of Heaven
was in it, and was so greatly humbled,
that, as much enforc’d by his Griefs for
the Baseness he had been guilty of, as by
his Necessities, he writ the following Letter
to Glicera.

“To the most deserving, yet most injur’d
of her Sex, the Lovely Glicera. Let not the well-known Characters,
which compose this Epistle, I conjure
you, put a stop to your perusal of
it.—Believe me, you will find nothing
in it of that Disposition which formerly
made me blind to my own Happiness,
and throw from me a Treasure I ought
rather to have preserved at the hazard “of I1r 57
of my Life.―O Glicera! I have
greatly wrong’d you, I confess; nor do
I well known whether my Sorrows for
the Treatment I have given you, or for
the Misfortunes my Crime has brought
upon me, are the most prevailing in
my Soul:—Like the foolish Indians,
I have barter’d Gold for Glass, exchang’d
the best for one of the vilest
that ever disgraced the name of Woman.
—But I imagine not that my
Condition is unknown to you;—the
Pawn that you have in your hands, and
which gives you the power over the last
Stake of my ship-wreck’d Fortune, sufficiently
informs you to what a wretched
State I am reduc’d.—I will not,
therefore, trouble you with a needless
recital of my Misfortunes, my Business
now is top implore your Mercy.—Yet,
Wretch that I am, how can I expect or
hope for pity from her who found it
not from me.—But Heaven, whom
daily we offend, is mov’d by Penitence
and Prayer; and Glicera had once so
much of the divine Nature in her, that
were I not abandon’d to Despair, and
self-condemn’d, I yet might have some
hope in her excelling Goodness.―I
cannot among the great Number of my
pretended Friends raise Money to redeem
the Mortgage, nor any part of I “it; I1v 58
it; and I am constrain’d to beg you
would be pleas’d to release so much of
the Land, as I can borrow on, a Sum
sufficient to buy a Commission in the
Army, and I will make over the Pay
to be receiv’d by you till the Debt be
discharged.—I long to expiate in foreign
Wars, the Crimes I have been
guilty of at home, and to leave a place
in which I have created to myself so
much Misery.—I have nothing to urge
in my Vindication, nor to move you
to Grant of my Request:—I can
only say that I repent, am unhappy,
and wholly throw myself on your Goodness,
which alone can preserve from a
miserable Death The guilty and undone Melladore. P.S. I entreat the favour of a speedy
Answer; for if the hoped Relief arrives
not soon, it will be too late to
avert the impending and irretrievable
Ruin which hangs over my Head.”

What more could the most implacable
Rage desire, than such a Humiliation! The
utmost Malice of the wrong’d Glicera
was now fully satiated; ample was the
Recompence which Heaven allow’d her Injuries, I2r 59
Injuries, and she acknowledged it, nor
wish’d the Offender further Punishment.
But tho’ her Hatred ceas’d, she persever’d
in her Resolution, never to forgive the
Treatment she had received from him any
otherwise than Christian Charity oblig’d
her to do; some of her weak Sex would
have again received the Traitor into Favour,
and replapsing into the former Fondness
by which they had been undone, have
thought his Penitence a sufficient Atonement
for the Ruin he had caused; but
Glicera was not of this Humour: Not
his most earnest Entreaties, (for after this
he sent her several Letters) could prevail
on her ever to see him more; she consented
however, to let him raise the Sum he
requested, which he immediately laid out
as he had design’d, and soon after was
commanded abroad, whence he return’d
no more, being mortally wounded in the
first Engagement. Glicera being in a
State of happy Indifference, heard the
News of his Death without any Emotions
either of Joy or Grief: And having now
a sufficient Competency to maintain her
for her Life, gave over all Designs on the
Men, publickly avowing her Aversion to
that Sex; and admitting no Visits from
any of them, but such as she was very certain
had no Inclinations to make an amorousrous I2v 60
Declaration to her, either on honourable
or dishonourable Terms.

Laphelia, to whose Friendship and
ready Wit she was chiefly indebted for
her good Fortune, continued to live with
her in a fine House, which formerly belong’d
to Melladore, till the arrival of a
young Gentleman to whom she had been
a long time contracted, gaver her a pleasing
Opportunity of quitting her Society,
and exchanging the Pleasures of a single
Life, for the more careful ones of a married
State. Glicera loaded her with Presents
at her departure, and on all occasions
since testifies a Joy, to express the
Gratitude with which she regards her.
Few Persons continue to live in greater
Reputation, or more endeavour by good
Actions to obliterate the memory of their
past Mismanagement, than does this Fair
Jilt; whose Artifices cannot but admit of
some Excuse, when one considers the Necessities
she was under, and the Provocations
she received from that ungrateful
Sex.

Finis.