The
Deceiver Deceived:
A
Comedy,
As ’tis now acted by
His Majesty’s Servants,
at the
theatre in Little-Lincolns-Inn-Fields.
London,
Printed for
R. Basset, at
the Mitre in
Fleet-street, near
Temple-Bar. 16981698.
To
Sir Robert Marsham,
Knight and Barronet.
What
shall I say, or how excuse my Boldness,
in venturing to make so mean a present, and
without permission too; I am full of fears, tho
hitherto I have still run the same risque, and
always found my Friends so good both to forgive and accept
my worthless trifles:
Nay even her Royal Highness shew’d
such a benign Condescention, as not only to pardon my ambitious
daring, but also Incouraged my Pen, why then shou’d
I fright my self with the apprehension of your Frowns and
Anger, when at the same time I know you to be the most
Generous and best tempered Man in the World.
I look upon those that endeavour’d to discountenance
this Play
as Enemys to me, not that, and had the Play been never so
good they wou’d have shew’d their Teeth: Yet sure, if you
be so Noble to protect it, their good manners (that is, if they
understand any) tho their spite remains will make ’em cease
to Cavil at the Work, when such a worthy name Adorns
the Frontispiece. I must not trouble you with the little Malice
of my Foe, nor is his Name fit to be mentioned in a
Paper addrest to Sir Robert Marsham, he has Printed so
great a falshood, it deserves no Answer; yet give me leave
without being thought Impertinent or Prolix, to say I now
am pleased and treated by those who please every Spectater
with a Candour and Sweetness not to be exprest.
If I follow’d my inclinations, I shou’d now proceed to recite
A2
those
A2v
those Vertues which all the happy World that have the
Honour to know you daily see, but that I am sure wou’d be
the way to offend, for you scarce hate Vice more than to
hear of your Merits, therefore I shall only add, as you are
Happy in your Lady, Happy in your children, which are
Lovely and Hopeful as an Indulgent Parents wish can form;
Happy in Fortune, Capacious like your Soul; Happy in
your Friends, who love you even to Fondness: That Heaven
may continue all these Blessings many succeeding Years,
is the earnest and daily wish of,
Sir,
Your most Humble
and most Obedient Servant.
Mary Pix.
Prologue, spoken by Mr. Bowen.
Deceiv’d Deceiver, and Imposter cheated!
An Audience and the Devil too defeated!
All trick and cheat! Pshaw, ’tis the Devil and all,
I’ll warr’nt ye we shall now have Cups and Ball;
No, Gallants, we those tricks don’t understand;
’Tis t’ other House best shows the slight of hand:
Hey Jingo, Sirs, what’s this! their Comedy?
Presto be gone, ’tis now our Farce you see.
By neat conveyance you have seen and know it
They can transform an Actor to a Poet.
With empty Dishes they’ll set out a Treat,
Whole Seas of Broth, but a small Isle of Meat:
With Powderle-Pimp of Dance, Machine and Song,
They’ll spin-ye out short Nonsense four hours long:
With Fountains, Groves, Bombast and airy Fancies
Larded with Cynthias, little Loves and Dances:
Which put together, makes it hard to say,
If Poet, Painter, or Fidler made the Play.
But hold, my business lies another way.
Not to bespeak your Praise by kind perswasions,
But to desire the favour of your patience.
Our Case is thus:
Our Authoress, like true Women, shew’d her Play
To some, who, like true Wits, stole ’t half away.
We’ve Fee’d no Councel yet, tho some advise us
T’ indite the Plagiaries at Apollo’s Sizes?
But ah, how they’d out face a Damsel civil:
Who’ve impudence enough to out face the Devil:
Besides, shou’d they be cast by prosecution,
’Tis now too late to think of restitution;
And faith, I hear, that some do shrewdly opine
They Trade with other Muses than the nine.
I name no names, but you may easily guess,
They that can cheat the Devil can cheat the Flesh.
Therefore to you kind Sirs, as to the Laws
Of Justice she submits her self and Cause,
For to whom else shou’d a wrong’d Poet sue,
There’s no appeal to any Court but you.
A dialogue in the fourth Act, between
Mr. Bowman and
Mrs. Bracegirdle: The words by
Mr. Durfey and set by Mr. Eccles.
He
When will Stella kind and tendreRecompense Fidele amour,
You mine heart have made me rendre,
If yours come not in retour
Blank despair I can’t defendre
No, no, no, I can’t defendre
Grief must kill tout les jours
She
How can Damon love anotherWho believes himself so fine,
He may talk and keep a pother.
But to change can ne’er incline
So much Charm must slight all other
Ay, ay, ay, must slight all other,
He believes himself so fine.
He
Then adieu false Esperanza,Tout le plasire de beau jours
Stella’s heart keeps at a distance,
And disdains le cher effort,
She mon Ame will ne’er advance,
No, no, no, will ne’er advance
Cruel death then prend mon cor.
She
You a Beau and talk of dying’Tis a Cheat I’ll ne’er believe,
You’ve such life in self enjoying
Death’s a word you can’t forgive
Go, improve deceit and lying
Ay, ay, ay, but name not dying,
That’s a Cheat I’ll ne’er believe.
Chorus
He
When will you prove me to knowThe truth of a passionate Peau.
She
How shall I prove you to knowThe truth of a flashy Town-Beau.
He
By the groans and the tears of the wretch.She
By his Paint, and his Powder and Patch.He
By his Mouth, and his very good Teeth.She
By his Sighs, and his very bad Breath.He
By his Eyes, and the air of his Face.She
When he ogles and looks like an Ass.He
Morbleu ma cher each part my truth will show.She
Mon fou, mon fou I never can think so.He
Morbleu, &c.She
Mon fou, &c.A Dialogue in the fifth Aact, between a Boy and a Girl, and
an Old Man. Written by Mr. Motteux; set
to the Musick
by Mr. J. Eccles.
Girl
Why do I sigh and tremble so?
Why does my Colour come and go,
When here young Strephon is?
Is this to Love? how shall I know?
When he wou’d kiss me, I say, No, no, no, no, no.
But yet I let him kiss.
II
I wish the pretty youth to see,
And yet I fear near him to be;
He pains yet pleases so.
Shall I refuse, or else deny?
I fear I hardly shall say, Fie, fie, fie, fie, fie.
Were none but he to know.
Boy
Oh! how d’ye do, Miss? I hope I don’t scare you.
Methinks I’ve no Pleasure, but when I am near you.
I don’t know what ails me, but when you appear,
I feel something so pretty that tickles me here.
Girl
Oh! Dear! so do I: Well, I’m glad you are come;
Yet I start, and I blush, when you enter the Room,
Just like our Maid, when she meets with your Groom.
Boy
Let’s do as they do; seem shy, and I’ll kiss.
Girl
Oh! Law! what would Mother say should I do this!
Boy
Hush, Fool! you must, like her, say nothing, yet kiss.
Girl
Nay, don’t you, be quiet! Grand-Father is by.
Don’t, let me alone ―― see! My head’s all awry.
Boy
I’ll buss you.
Girl
I’ll scratch you.
Boy
I care not a pin.
Girl
Nay, now the Folks see you.
Boy
Then let us go in.
Both
Then let us go in.
Old Man
Why, Sirrah! Why H’us’wife! how dare you do this?
I’ll get a good Rod, I’ll teach you to kiss.
Boy
Is there any harm in’t[Gap in transcription—1 characterobscured]
Girl
Oh, pray do not Scold.
Boy
We’re not so much too Young as you be too Old.
Old Man
Stay till you be Married.
Boy
Pray Marry us then.
Girl
They say when we’re Married we’re Women and Men.
Old Man
’Tis time you should wed, if already you long.
We’re quickly too old, but we’re never too young.
BoyGirlOld Man[Speaker label not present in original source]
’Tis Time you should Wed, if already you long;
We’re quickly too Old, but we’re never too Young.
Persons Represented.
Mr. Betterton
Melito Bondi
A Senator of Venice, who counterfeits
blindness to avoid being President
of Dalmatia.
Mr. Arnold Gonsalvo Another Senator.
Mr. Hodgson Count Andrea Gallant to Melito Bondi’s Wife.
Mr. Verbruggen
Fidelio
A noble Venetian decay’d in his Fortunes.
Mr. Bowman
Count Insulls
A Rich Merchants Son of France,
pretending to Ariana.
Mr. Bowen Gervatio Steward to Melito Bondi.
Mr. Trafuse Actwell A Cunning Fellow.
Mr. KnapHeardouble and
Mr. Watson Stretchwell Two Informers.
Boy and Attendants.
Women.
Mrs. Barry Olivia Bondi’s Wife.
Mrs. Bracegirdle Ariana His Daughter.
Mrs. Lee Lady Temptyouth
Mrs. Prince Lucinda One she brings up.
Mrs. Silvia Olivia’s Woman.
Mrs. Beatrice Ariana’s Woman.
Mrs. Tiflewell Lucinda’s Woman.
Act I. Scene I.
[Enter Seignior Melito Bondi, led by a Boy.]Bondi
Lead me to my Chair, then send Gervatio hither.
Boy
Yes, my Lord.
Bond
This Morning I’ve out-risen the Sun, to scourge that Dog
whose curst Contrivance brought
the Mischiefs which destroy my
Sleep: Oh! here he comes, the Coast is clear, and I’ll secure
it so.
Gerv
Good morrow to your Lordship; what does your Lordship mean?
Bond
What did you mean, Rascal, to make me mad, horn mad,
with this counterfeiting
Blindness? but I can see your Plots, you Pander,
and you shall feel my
Rage.
Gerv
Thus faithful service ever is rewarded; Will ye but hear me?
Bond
No, I’ve seen too much; you’ll make me deaf next, I
suppose, sirrah, and
then set the World upon abusing me that way, Villain.
Gerv
Hold and hear what I can urge, or I’ll raise all the
House, and lay the Imposture
open.
Bond
Well, I will hold, not out of any kindness, but that I’m out of breath.
Gerv
If I am not reveng’d on ye, ye old Don, I’ll be hang’d.
Bond
Well, what have you to say, Sir?
Gerv
Look ye, my Lord, in the first place I’ll go close
to the Door, and if your
Lordship offers to move or stir your Cane, I’ll fly out, and
this minute proclaim
in Venice, that ――
Bond
Hold, I am quiet.
Gerv
Then how have you the face to use me thus? Am I not
privy to all your
Extortions and Briberies? Have I not carried the
tempting Sum[Gap in transcription—2 lettersflawed-reproduction], that corrupted
Knaves, and excused your self from greater? Have you not
sworn a taxing power,
tho’ for the good of the Commonweal, was worse than a luxurious
Tyrant, who
thought of nothing but his Pleasures? Nay more, if
the Grand Seignior would let
you enjoy your Wealth, you had as live have him for your Head as his
Holiness.
Bond
Well, good Gervatio, thou dost
know my Failings, but ’tis the ill consequence
of this blindness puts me in all these passions.
Gerv
Does not your Conscience (but I have forgot, you have
none, else it
would) fly in your Face, for abusing me on that acount? Did not
you, when the
old President of Dalmatia
died, come to me, Oh! dear Gervatio,
I’m undone! my
turn is next to that chargable Post, I shall lavish all the
Wealth my whole Life has
been scraping together! Then you coaxed me, Thou art ingenious,
think
some way I may be mist, and I’ll make thy Fortunes.
Bond
Nay, this is true.
Gerv
Is it so? I almost lost my Eyes in reality in
poring over old musty Statutes;
there I found nothing but some natural Incapacity could
exempt the rich
Nobles in their turns: Accordingly I advis’d you to counterfeit
Blindness; you
did it, succeeded, Martino
Cornaro is chose in your place, and I am
cudgel’d for my
pains.
Bond
Ah Gervatio, thou hast told the
Sweets and Profits of the story, but left
the bitter
sting out. Whilst the Duke and Senate believed my
Blindness, and I
escaped that hateful Office, my
Wife and Daughter do so too at home, my Wife
with ogling Eyes just at my Nose, views her Gallant, and the
young Gipsie lets
that Bankrupt’s Son, Count
Fidelio, steal her Hand: This makes me mad, and wish
I were blind indeed.
Gerv
For this I also provide a Remedy: You know by my care
the Ladies are
almost alwaies with you else; I
watch ’em, let ’em look on, squeeze Hands, they’l
scarce venture to make you a Cuckold or a Grandfather. Beside,
my Diligence goes
farther; this day the Girdle of
St. Sylvester comes your tutelar
Saint, for you will
have a Saint too, tho’ to my knowledge all your Religion lies in
filling your Bags.
But, as I said before, to day the wonderful Girdle comes, and
will get credit, for I
dare swear you see immediately after the [Gap in transcription—1-2 lettersdamaged]peration.
Bond
Well, thou art a Wag; co[Gap in transcription—2-3 lettersdamaged], take care of my Wife and
Daughter till I
dare own I perceive ’em again, and I’ll make amends for my Blows;
faith Gervatio
’twas hard last night to see a Man kiss my Wife half an hour
together before my
Face, and when I call’d, the Baggage would take off her Lips and
cry, “How do’st
my Dear?” Then my Daughter, you know, I design for my
Lord Insuls, Son to the
rich French Merchant Monsieur Opulant, who by his Industry has
purchas’d three
Jack Pudding French Beaux Estates.
Gerv
For a Son that as like a Jack Pudding Beau will [Aside.] spend it, to my own knowledge.
Bond
Here, here, to my Chair, quick, quick, open the Door.
Gonsal
A happy Morning to my Lord.
Bond
Gonsalvo’s Voice, I think; Gervatio, conduct me to salute him.
Gons
By no means, my Lord, your condition excuses Ceremony,
at all times
needless; the Duke commends him to you, he with much pains has
got a famous
O[Gap in transcription—2 lettersflawed-reproduction]list.
Bond
The Devil he has.
Gerv
Now I thank thee Fortune, thou hast revenged me.
Gons
Unwilling to lose the Advice of such a Pillar of the
State, has took true
pains for an experienc’d Man.
Bond
I am much beholden to his Princely Care; but, my Lord, I
look on this
Affliction sent from Heaven as a Judgment, and hope by Penitence
to obtain from
thence a Remedy: You must know, my Lord, I beyond measure
coveted the President
of Dalmatia’s place,
nothing but that would suffice my Ambition; nay, Heaven
forgive me, I often wish’d his death.
Gerv
Oh, mercy upon me, was there ever such a Dissembler!
Bond
Now mark the end: Just as the old President died this
Darkness fell upon
me;
B2r
3
me; I have no Hopes in human Aid, but my own dear
St. Silvester methoughts, in a
Dream, epress’d, his sacred Girdle might do me good.
Gons
The Dream is not to be neglected, nor the Duke’s Goodwill
to regain the
loss of precious sight, both may be try’d, i’th’ Afternoon
I’ll wait upon you with
the famous man, in the mean time I am your Lordship’s servant.
Bond
So Gervatio, what think you of your
project now? I shall have a pragmatical
fellow poke my Eyes out indeed.
Gerv
Fear nothing, my Lord, I’ll do well enough with him. If I
don’t fit you
Seignior for your drubbing, you shall call me
John a Styles.
Bond
Gervatio, lead me into the green
Room, and see if my Wife and Daughter
are up, send
’em to me.
Gerv
It shall be done, my Lord.
Bond
Oh this damn’d Oculist, Gervatio!
Gerv
Pho, pho, I’ll banter him out of his senses.
Bond
Give me thy Hand, lest any of the Family should see us.
Aria
Ha’ done trifling, I’m well enough.
Beatr
You are indeed charmingly pretty, Madam.
Aria
Hou nauseous ’tis, and yet how natural ’tis to have our
Women flatter us.
Well, Beatrice, here’s a
wonderful alteration since my Father’s Blindness, I
can put
on a new suit every day, and my Jewels, laid up only for the
Festival of St. Mark,
may be worn now without a chiding.
Beatr
These are great privileges, Madam, yet ’tis a sad
thing to think about how suddenly
my Lord was struck blind.
Aria
I swear so it is; but then remember,
Beatrice, how he forbad Count
Fidelio
to think on me, tho’ his
Father was of Birth noble as mine, despis’d that Dross
my
Father makes his God, and left his Son only a liberal
Education and innate Courage,
which appears unknown to most of our Venetians.
Beatr
My Lord dares not deny him the House, because he is
of the ancient Nobility,
and he has been an hour walking in the Garden, waiting
your coming down,
and then, I suppose, gives my Lord the good morrow.
Aria
Well, ’tis a mischievous Rogue, he has so many Tricks
before my Father,
yet can’t I forbear joyning, nor scarce keep the Laugh in.
Beatr
Confess Madam, are you really sorry at the Darkness
has overtaken your
Father?
Aria
Why truly, Beatrice, I always say
my Prayers for his Eyes restoration the
last thing
I do, that is, just when I am falling asleep.
Silv
Madam, my Lady sent me to tell you, your Father expects
you with her
presently.
Aria
I’ll wait upon her, Silvia.
[Exit Silvia.]That Mother-in-law of mine is a hopeful
young Gentlewoman too; she takes Opportunity
by the Forelock, and makes all the haste she
conveniently can to give my
B2
old
B2v
4
old Dad Horns instead of Eyes: Am not I a wicked Jade
to wink at this? Why, I
don’t know, if I should betray her, she’d serve me the
same sauce; besides, my Father
married the young Creature the perfect
Venetian way, only for her Portion,
never saw one-another beforehand: I can’t but think what a
fright she was in, to
behold an old Man with a grizled Beard instead of a brisk young
fellow. Well, I
hope Heaven makes Allowances for
such a case, and my Guilt won’t be great for
guessing at it.
Beatr
Your Ladiship considers what may befal your self another day, Madam.
Aria
God forbid Wench, I hope to marry my dear
Fidelio, and that Woman
that
takes a Man for Love deserves to be disgrac’d here,
and damn’d hereafter, if
but her Inclinations waver,
and she in Thought abuses him.
Beatr
Ay, but Madam, if your Father’s choice, my Lord
Insuls should be forc’d
upon you.
Aria
Hang him, perfum’d Poltoon, I hate him worse than a
Nunnery, where
they wear Hair Smocks.
Beatr
He comes this Afternoon to make his second visit; my
Lady Temptyouth
says he’s a
fine Gentleman.
Aria
He is indeed fit for her use: Well, ’tis a strange
thing a Lady of her quality
should give her self the trouble, no she has pass’d
the beaten Road of Wickedness
her self, to draw others in. My Mother has a good
Friend of her; I
know my Father hates her, but his dear Interest prevails, she
helps him to the purchase
of many a Prodigal’s Estate.
Beatr
Madam, you forget my Lady stays.
Aria
She’s here.
Oliv
How does my pretty Daughter to day? But why do I ask? you
look fresh
and fair as the new-blown Rose.
Aria
When your Ladiship consults your Glass you’ll find a brighter, Madam.
Oliv
Fie upon you for a little Flatterer, what your Mother!
Aria
’Tis true, the Law calls you my Mother, but the World
must be blind as
my Father, if they did not take us
for Sisters.
Oliv
Well, your Father’s blindness is a dreadful thing,
Ariana; why, he’ll never
suffer us to be out of the Room.
Aria
There is no Conveniency but has its Inconveniency, Madam.
Oliv
That’s true, come, we must to him.
Bond
I have a fine melancholy Life on’t, thank my Stars; but
should I discover
my self before this arch Rogue
has brought matters about, I must be the laughingstock
of Venice, besides
paying a swindging Fine for deceiving the Duke and Senate
in putting off the Government. ―― Boy.
Boy
My Lord.
Bond
Are not the Women ready?
Boy
My Lord, they are entering.
Arian
Your Blessing, Sir.
Bond
Formality, I believe you mind your topping more than my
Blessings, or
Heavens either.
Oliv
How are your Eyes, my Lord?
Bond
Not clear enough to see into your Heart, my Lady.
Oliv
Still angry!
Arian
Truly I hope purging my Fother’s Choler does him good,
else surely he
would never practice it so often,
but that he finds benefit by it.
Bond
Baggage!
Arian
Nay, I am out of the reach of your Cane, Sir; come, I
would fain say
something to divert ye, the Spleen
is very hurtful to your Eyes.
Serv
Madam, my Lady Temptyouth is coming up.
Bond
That everlasting Tattler, I would retire and shun the
noise, only my being
here perhaps may in part hinder
your luscious Imagination from being tickled with
all
the Intrigues of the City.
La. Tem
Good morrow, my Lord; good morrow my sweet Buds of Beauty.
Bond
Pray, my Lady Temptyouth, don’t put
my Wife in amongst your Buds of
Beauty; if she is not five and twenty, she ought to apear like
fifty, that’s fittest
for her, and would please me best.
La. Tem
Lord, you’re so captious: Well, I swear your Wife
looks very handsom,
’tis for your sake she
dresses, ’tis to look amiable in your Eyes.
Bond
Ay, now you’ve hit it.
La. Tem
Pox on him, I had forgot his blindness.
[Aside.]I mean, she us’d to do; now, poor
Lady, she’s like any Slattern. Here’s my little
Ariana appears as she had not
look’d in a Glass to day.
Aria
Bare two hours I assure you, Madam.
Bond
Well said Pride, I have a good mind to have all the
Glasses in the House
broke; no, sold I meant.
Aria
My Lord, my Actions never disobey you, pray allow me a
little freedom
in speech.
Bond
She that’s so free of her Tongue, commonly is as free ――
La. Tem
Oh hold, my Lord, an immodest word, nay, any hint, tho’
never so
darkly, tending that way, drives me out of
the Room.
Bond
Your Ladiship has then a quick apprehension.
La. Tem
Yes, I vow, my Lord, at a Play,
when no Woman of Quality else has
found out a
beastly wrapt-up thing, I han’t show’d my Face in a
quarter of an hour.
Bond
Oh wondrous modesty!
La. Tem
My Lord, Count Dresswell has a
Bank Note of Five hundred pound, he
can’t stay till
the Bank pays, and would part with it for two hundred and
fifty ready
Mony; will your Lordship meddle with it?
Bond
Let him send it to Gervatio, and he shall have his Mony.
La. Tem
I am always studying for your good; Lord, your Lady
stands like any
Statue, I beg your pardon, I must
rouse her: My Dear, Count Andrea
dies for you;
I swear
B3v
6
I swear he was in such a condition, I could not
forbear bringing this Letter from
him. But may your
Daughter be trusted?
Oliv
With my Life, or what’s dearer, my Honour.
La. Tem
Well, I swear he talks so passionately of ye,
says such warm extravagant
things, he sets my old Blood a glowing like dying Coals
blow’d by a strong
pair of Bellows.
Bond
What’s this long whisper, my Lady?
La. Tem
Only a Receipt for your Eyes, my Lord.
Bond
Then why may not I hear it?
La. Tem
There’s something so nauseous ’twill set you
against using it. Read
your Letter, Child.
Bond
What paper is’t that russels?
La. Tem
Why, the Receipt, Simpleton: This man is so
mistrustful. Well, but
Child, I can’t let this
precious Receipt go out of my Hands for a thousand Worlds.
Oliv
I beg your pardon, madam, then I’ll copy it; nothing
shall be neglected by
me that will help my Lord. A
Pen and Ink there.
Bond
A Letter from her Gallant, and she’s a going to
answer it; Hell and Furie!
I can’t bear it, nor
can have remedy.
La. Tem
Heavens! what’s the matter?
Bond
My Eyes smart intolerably.
La. Tem
Fretting, fretting; Lord, you must be patient. Madam, I
beg you’d
be as quick as you can, for I’m in haste.
Oliv
Your Ladiship sees I’m about it.
Bond
Ah the Devil, and I see it too, and be hang’d to ye.
[Aside.]When you have done, Gervatio shall read it to me.
Oliv
Gervatio is my mortal Enemy, what shall I do now, Madam?
La. Tem
Pho, pho, write a scrip of paper good for the sight,
put in “Eyebright”,
“White Rose-water”, and
whatever comes in your Head.
Bond
Here’s mighty Consultation about this damn’d Receipt.
La. Tem
I tell you, my Lord, if you fret thus you’l never see again.
Bond
No matter, wou’d I could see what I wish.
La. Tem
What’s that?
Bond
The conflagration fall upon the Women first, and leave
the Men by themselves
an Age longer.
La. Tem
Then they would be the nastiest, most helpless Creatures; ha, ha, ha.
Boy
Count Fidelio to wait upon your Honour.
Bond
Count Fiddlestick; Why did you not say I was busie?
La. Tem
Well, I vow, my Lord if you are thus froppish, all your
Friends will
forsake ye, a dark Room will be fittest for you.
Bond
Friendship, there’s no such thing, Nature laid the
Groundwork of Enmity
in every Mortal; indeed in some ’tis spiced over with
Dissimulation; I hate this
man, and yet must speak him fair.
La. Tem
Why do ye hate him?
Bond
That’s a Secret.
Aria
Which I can guess at.
[Aside.] [Enter Fidelio.]Now my turn’s a coming.
Fid
Your Lordship’s humble Servant; how does your Lordship to day?
Bond
Well in health, my Mind is like my Sight, oppressed.
Fid
I am sorry for it.
Oliv
Madam, there’s your Receipt with Thanks.
La. Tem
I wish it may do him good.
Bond
Yes, yes, I shall feel good on’t, methinks my Horns are sprouting already.
Aria
Madam, can’t you engage my Father in a little
Discourse, whilst I talk
with ――
La. Tem
That young handsom fellow, thou art a Rogue; I’ll do’t,
I warrant ye.
Well, you say you’l have the Bank Bill, my Lord.
Bond
I told you so once already.
La. Tem
Lord, you are so short one can’t speak to ye, tho
’tis for [All this
while
Count Fid. courts,
kneels, and talks
to Ariana.]
your own good: I believe
Count Dresswel’s Estate too,
you may make
a good hole in’t if you will.
Bond
His Villa is very pretty, upon
that he may have what Mony he pleases.
Damnation!
La. Tem
What’s the matter with the man? I swear you made me
start, why you
turn your Head about as if your Eyes
were of use.
Bond
I shall be discover’d strait, was ever punishment like mine?
Oliv
You are very uneasie, my Lord, can I do any thing for you?
Bond
Yes make me worse, I seldom ever knew a Wife bring
Quiet or Content
to her Husband.
Oliv
This is my usage ever.
La. Tem
I wonder you are not asham’d, for a surly Devil;
see, pish, you can’t see
how the poor Lady weeps.
Oliv
Ay, he is blind, and I believe he designs to make me
cry my Eyes out to be
like him.
Bond
Oh the Devil! at this very minute she can scarce hold
laughing. [Aside.]
You are very merry Daughter.
Aria
I only drop’d my Fan, Sir.
Bond
My Lord Fidelio, how went the Votes
in the Sentate yesterday concerning
the new Levies?
La. Tem
Fidelio! why he is gone, my Lord, he
only gave you the good morrow,
and passed through the Room.
Aria
That’s well enough, I’ll swear.
Bond
This is abominable, but I must endure it.
Aria
Thou art a dear Angel; but, my Lady, cou’d not you
contrive to get my
Father away? this Gentleman hath
earnest business with me.
La. Tem
Well, well, I’ll try at that too; but which way? Gad,
I’ve got a Bottle
of Orange-water in my Pocket, I’ll make the old fool believe
’tis something
good for the Eyes, ’twill do him no hurt, only make ’em smart a
little, that perhaps will induce him to lye down.
My Lord, can you forgive me when I own I am the greatest Beast in the World?
Bond
I always thought you so. [Aside] What’s the matter, Madam?
La. Tem
Here’s a Bottle of precious Water, given me by the
Dutchess, to
be applied at all times, and I quite forgot it, I swear; I have
such a respect for
you, that at every place I am picking up something.
Bond
Yes, Gallants for my Wife. [Aside]
Madam, I’ll have none of your old Womens Medicines.
La. Tem
By your leave, my Lord, but you shall, I know the goodness on’t.
Bond
I tell you I will not.
Oliv
Pray, my Lord, be rul’d.
Bond
True Wife tho’ she cares not if I was deaf as well as
blind, yet be sure to
be for any thing I am against.
La. Tem
Come, come, don’t tell me, I swear you shall wash your Eyes with it.
Bond
I swear I won’t.
La. Tem
By Heavens you shall, now I’ve sworn again, I’le see who’ll be master.
Bond
A Pox take ye; Oh the confounded pain! Boy, here [He struggles in the
Chair,
and she flings the Bottle of
Water in
his Face.]
lead me to my Couch, I must e’en send
Gervatio to watch ’em,
that Woman will be the death of me.
La. Tem
Ha, ha, ha. So Ladies, what do ye think of me now?
Oliv
Oh, you are the best of Women.
Aria
Heavens! yonder’s Gervatio a coming,
he is our mortal Foe, my Father
has sent him, he had
as good have staid himself.
La. Tem
Let me alone, I’ll send him away, I’ll lay a Wager.
Aria
Fidelio, step behind the Skreen,
whilst my Lady trys her Power, he’l tell
my Father
you are with us.
Fid
I will, Madam; dear Lady Temptyouth,
if thou canst effect this, I’ll have thy
Statue made
in Brass.
La. Tem
Brazen-face! could you think of no other Metal? go, be gone.
[Enter Gervatio.]Your Servant, good Don Gervatio, you
are come luckily to receive my Instructions,
you
must immediately carry to my
Lord Dresswell Two hundred and fifty
pounds,
and take his Bank Note for Five hundred.
Gerv
Your pardon, Madam, my Lord sent me to stay here.
La. Tem
And your pardon too, Sir; I am sure your Lord would not
lose such a
Bargain; and he must have the Mony
presently, or he’ll sell it to some-body else.
Oliv
Indeed I heard your Master say he would have it.
Gerv
He’s a [Gap in transcription—2-3 wordsflawed-reproduction]
may give me something [Gap in transcription—1 wordflawed-reproduction] on’t: he [Gap in transcription—1 wordflawed-reproduction] no
Men
what should I stay for? [Aside] Well, I’ll cary it presently.
La. Tem
Presently, nay, you must go now, this very Instant, now.
Gerv
What, does you Ladiship intend to ravish me?
La. Tem
When I thrust thee from me, Fool. Come, good
Gervatio, make haste,
because I undertook my Lord’s business, and I love to go
through stitch with any
thing I meddle with: Be speedy, come, I may do ye a Kindness
another day.
Gerv
I must be gone, there’s no disputing with her.
La. Tem
Appear absconding Knight, appear.
Fid
Be gad, my Lady Temptyouth, you have
charm’d me so, you shall have a Kiss
with as much
Ardour as if you were but sixteen.
La. Tem
O sweet young Gentleman, Heavens bless him! You are
happy, Madam:
Come, I must do more for you yet, Time’s
precious; my Lady Olivia Bondi,
let you and I go into the Garden, and consult about
that Receipt.
Oliv
You’l find what I have done in it is to your
satisfaction. Daughter, your
Servant, I’ll keep your
Father from sending for you as long as I can.
Aria
Madam, I am yours and my Lady Temptyouth’s most humble.
Fid
I am her Slave.
La. Tem
Well, you are a couple of dear Kittens, bless you both.
Aria
My Lord, you have talk’d of Flames and Fires, and Darts,
and the Devil
and all, but how shall I be convinc’d ’tis not the Hundred
thousand pound I am
like to be worth kindles these Fires and Passions?
Fid
Why faith, Madam this way; let’s marry without your
Father’s Consent,
and he’l turn us out of doors,
then I’ll beg for ye, fight for ye, starve for ye, dye
for ye.
Aria
Thou art an honest Lad, but I don’t like starving,
’twill be apt to take
away all your Appetites, and you
won’t care for me.
Fid
Oh no, my Love to thee is implanted in my Soul, and were
my youthful
Arms reduced to very Bones with the worn
Skeleton, I should hug thee to my
Heart, as my chiefest Blessing and divinest Treasure.
Aria
’Tis pretty to hear a young fellow one loves talk thus,
but this wont do,
Love and Plenty crown the circling Year with Pleasure; but where
either’s wanting,
Content scarce ever appears. Is it
impossible to get Gervatio to our
party?
He is cunning, and can rule my Father.
Fid
I’ll try; but, Oh! ――
Aria
You want a Bribe; come, be not asham’d of your poverty,
since your noble
Father wasted his Fortunes in being always in Arms for the
defence of his
Country against our common Enemy the
Turks, the ungrateful Senate ought to
have took you to their care; but since neglected, accept of this
without a blush.
Fid
Bound by innumerable Charms, by Obligations
unaccountable, when I cease
to love thee, may Heaven
and all my Peace of Mind forsake me.
Aria
Try Gervatio, tell him that I’ll for ever be his Friend.
Fid
Madam, I will with joy, and urge whatever eager love can
to my Soul suggest.
Beatr
Madam, my Master raves for you like one mad.
Aria
Then I must go.
Fid
My Lord Insulls, that Rival; but
why name I him? I know your noble Soul
despises him.
Aria
Rest in that secure, I loath the man, my Father’s
power shall force my
Death sooner than Consent: farewell.
Fid
’Tis Death to part, tho’ but for a moment; Is there a
time, is there that
white day in Fate when I shall
call thee Wife? let others scoff, think the
Matrimonial
Bonds uneasie term it
A Hell, a Pit, an endless painful Snare,
The Heaven I covet is to wed my Fair.
The End of the First Act.
Act II.
[Scene changes.] [Enter Olivia and Lady Temptyouth.]Oliv
Well,
your Importunity and the Count’s has prevail’d, I’ll vow I
blush
to think on’t, through a back-door into the
Garden, the hour that my
Husband sleeps, a young Gentleman; faith, Madam, ’tis very scandalous.
La. Tem
Fiddle faddle, scandalous! if you have the Pleasure,
much good may
do the World with the Scandal.
Oliv
You’ll stay with me, Madam.
La. Tem
Yes, yes, Madam; I left my poor Girl at home not well on
purpose to
come.
Oliv
What kin is that young Lady to you, Madam?
La. Tem
Her Mother was my Friend, to tell ye the truth, she is
a Bastard, I have
bred up several, and help’d ’em
all to good Husbands, or Gallants, which is better.
Oliv
A charitable Lady you are. Hark! I hear a noise, ’tis he, I
swear I shall
blush to death.
La. Tem
I never heard of any-body dy’d of that Disease;
here’s the man, look
what a well-built person ’tis.
And
Ladies, your Servant.
Oliv
Did you come in unobserv’d, my Lord?
And
Yes, Madam; but I’ve had a little misfortune, I’ve broke
the Key in the
Door, and know not how I shall get
out again.
La. Tem
Here’s a Fool now is taking care to get out before he is
well in, mind
your business, I’ll get ye out, I
warrant ye.
And
Pardon me, Madam, ’tis my dear
Olivia’s Honour I am careful of; for
my
self, I’d wade ten thousand Dangers only to
touch this beautious Hand.
La. Tem
Why that’s well said, kiss it now, or else you do nothing.
And
A thousand and a thousand times.
La. Tem
Well, I’ll in, and watch the old man’s motions.
Oliv
You won’t leave me, Madam.
La. Tem
Indeed but I will, I cannot stay a moment longer.
And
Shall we waste the time in talk, Olivia? Need I tell thee how much I
love
thee? Wast thou not torn from my longing Arms
by an inhuman Father, and given
to the wither’d ones of richer Bondi? Yet tho’ I am denied whole
Draughts of
Love, I’ll snatch the precious Cordial
when the blest minute gives it, and devour it
eagerly.
Oliv
Away, my Lord, think whose I am, think of my sacred
vow, I dare not
break it.
And
Your Vows first were made to me, no matter whose you
are, this hour is
mine, and shall be spent in
richest Love, Love that has so well reveng’d my Cause,
and as your cruel Lord snach’d her from these fond Eyes, so
Fate has now depriv’d
him of his own, he only cannot view your unequal Charms,
which dart on
every wishing gazer Joy.
Oliv
If Judgments do hang upon my wretched Lord, shall I by
Falshood wound
deeper than his Fate?
And
Who e’er crys out of pain they neither feel nor
apprehend? Think Olivia,
my Olivia, for
I will please my self, and call thee mine; think the
vast Charity,
the mighty Kindness, that saves my Life, and
hurts not Bondi.
Oliv
The man is mad, to bid a Woman think; no, talking
Deluder, when we
think we never yield. Now I have
thought on the fatal consequence, and resolved
from this minute to grow wife; that I have took the
opportunity of my Husband’s
blindness, and seen you often, was due to your
injurious Wrongs; for
witness those Stars that smiled not on our plighted Faiths,
I ever found you constant,
and I lov’d you for it.
And
Oh sweet Confession! and if you love me, will you
not bless me too?
the Argus Eyes of Jealousie are
useless, the watchful Dragon that should guard the
golden Fruit now sleeps for ever.
Oliv
But Angel, Honour is still awake, that secures my
beating Heart, yet I
will fly the charming sounds that are familiar there, but do not
follow me, I charge
ye, do not, lest ye meet the everlasting Anger of my Eyes.
And
Not follow thee, when my Veins are all on fire! yes,
Thro’ every Path of this delightful Grove,
Till my warm Sighs her Honour shall remove,
And fill her panting Breast with yielding Love.
Serv
Seignior Gonsalvo sends word,
the Oculist is sick, and cannot come till tomorrow.
Gerv
Hum, ―― then my Revenge is lost, for the Girdle
comes before that
C2
time.
C2v
12
time. Did not I see Actwell
cross the Court just now into the Kitchin?
Serv
Yes, Sir.
Gerv
Call him to me.
[Exit Serv.]That fellow that plays tricks for his Victuals, perhaps,
for a Pistole, may do my
business; my Lord knows
him not.
Leave us.
[To the Servant]Actw
What’s to be done now? What am I sent for to Master Steward?
[Aside.]Gerv
Actwell, my Lord, was to have a
famous Oculist come to day, and he just
sent
word, he cannot; ’twill put my Lord so damnably out of
humour, there will be
no enduring it; cannot you
pretend to be the Oculist, get a Launcet, look into
his Eyes, talk Nonsense, make him believe you’ll
do Wonders, but when it comes
to the upshot, I’ll
enter, and prevent your touching him? You must say you
came
from the Duke and
Gonsalvo; I’ll give thee a Pistole.
Actw
I thank you, Sir, I am daily obliged here, I believe I
could do it well
enough, only I don’t understand
those damn’d cramp words those Quacks
have.
Gerv
O say any thing: half an hour hence come to the
Wardrobe, I’ll give you
an old-fashion’d Cloak, that
you may look like an experienc’d man full of
Years.
Actw
I will, Sir; the Film, the Tenders, the Devil, I’ll look
into a Book of
Anatomy, and get some terms from
thence; I will be sure to wait upon you, Sir.
This
was happy for poor Actwell.
Gerv
To fright him, is that all for such an intolerable
caring? Gad, if the
Devil was not wanting in a
Temptation, I could do him a greater Mischief.
Fid
Your Servant, Don Gervatio.
Gerv
Sir, my Lord’s asleep.
Fid
’Tis you, not your Lord; I am come to ―― but e’re I
tell my Suit, receive
this Purse, a young Lady’s present.
Gerv
You banter me.
Fid
Indeed I don’t Gervatio, you can
see, tho’ Melito Bondi’s blind and
might
have seen, I live but for
Ariana’s sake, the kind Maid meets
my Flames, and generoussly
returns ’em; my wretched Fortune hinders me from
following the way
my Love proposes, taking her my only Blessing from her
Father; ’tis in your
power, Gervatio, to assist
us in making up, if but a moderate fortune, you can
perswade, decoy, do any thing with the old man..
Gerv
The Temptation I wish’d for is come. [Aside.]
My Lord, your Offers are made in a
happy time, for I was just designing to wait
on
the young Lady, and proffer her my Service.
Fid
Are you real?
Gerv
By all that’s good I am, my Master has beat me into a right understanding.
Fid
What shall we do with this Lord Insuls, Gervatio?
Gerv
Why, as he’s made of Cork, we’l set him a floating, and
return him to
the rest of the mercurial Gentlemen in
his own Country. Well, my Lord, leave
your Affairs to me, and if I don’t bring
Ariana to your Arms, and more Bags
than
three Men can carry, my Ears shall be at your mercy.
Fid
Well, thou art a dear Rogue, and shall command my Fortunes.
Gerv
My Master rings; trust to me, and be happy.
Fid
Your Servant.
Gerv
Yours.
with him.]
Bond
Where’s my Wife and Daughter?
La. Tem
Here, here, my Lord. Well, I believe your Wife is the
best of Women,
we three have been all at work in the outer Room, and I’ll
swear poor Olivia
look’d in upon you twenty times, she is so
fond, for all you are a naughty man,
and use her so
barbarously.
Aria
Well said Telltruth.
[Aside.]Bond
Here’s a Tale of a Tub indeed, where is she now?
La. Tem
I fancy gone to take a turn in the Garden.
Bond
Boy, go call her.
La. Tem
What’s the Boy a Fool? ’Tis not convenient for him to go,
he
shan’t go.
Bond
Heyday! my Lady Temptyouth, are you
to order every thing in my
House?
La. Tem
I will order things when Decency requires; look to end Disputes,
here the good Lady comes.
Oliv
I heard the Bell had rung, and hasten’d to my Dear.
Bond
My Devil.
Oliv
Such Answess would make a Woman mad.
La. Tem
You have got a pure colour, Olivia.
[Aside to Olivia.]Oliv
Pho, walking apace.
But, my Lady, how shall I get him
out, there’s no opening that Door and the other
way
lies through this Room?
La. Tem
why, what’s he afraid on, isn’t my Lord blind, where is the Fool?
Oliv
Speak softly, walking at the Door.
La. Tem
Let me come by; Who have we here? my French Taylor has follow’d
me hither about the Girl’s Stays; Oh the Impudence of
these Country-men!
Monsieur, go to my House agen, I’ll come home presently.
And
Pardon a moy, Madam.
La. Tem
Pardon a moy kether, rude Brute! I’m sure I am not like
most Quality,
I owe him nothing.
Bond
Count Andrea, my Wife’s first
Love! Oh, the Garden, the Devil! curst,
curst Gervatio.
La. Tem
What mean these starts of Passion? do you want Gervatio?
Bond
I want a Halter.
La. Tem
Wou’d you had one then, you’re cross enough to deserve it.
Bond
Some-body, I’m sure, does.
Serv
My Lord Insuls is just arriv’d.
Bond
Let me desire all this Company, except my Daughter, to
retire, I’ve
made up the business with my Lord’s
Father, there wants nothing but a Visit or
two,
which formality requires: Come,
Mrs. Crooked-rib, will you walk into the
next Room?
Oliv
I’m ready to wait on you.
Aria
Oh, my Lady Temptyouth, now my Plague’s a coming.
[Aside.]La. Tem
Have Patience, Child, and I’ll send Fidelio to thy aid.
Bond
D’ye hear, Mistress, receive this Lord as the man I
have unalterably resolv’d
shall be your Husband.
Aria
Yes, Sir.
Bond
Yes, Sir; what a tone’s that in! I think you’re but too
well, and Estate, a
Title, and an handsom fellow.
Aria
Pray add an empty Pate.
Bond
Goodlack, Mrs. Flippant, any other Woman would
have leapt at him;
upon my Blessing use him as he
deserves. Come, my Lady Temptyouth.
Aria
As he deserves, that is to be cudgel’d. Now I had
rather have the Visits
of fifty Gossips from a drunken Christening, than the Plague
of this Prince of
Fops: Hang it, I’ll bridle my Inclination, let him run on with his
Vanity, then
burst my Sides with laughing at him.
Ins
This is prodigiously opportune, by the Muses, to find
your Ladiship alone,
Powderwell, adjust my
Garnature, I beg your Ladiships Pardon, that I do any
thing
of this kind before your Ladiship; but there was an uncivil
Wind, as I passed
the great Court, has blown me into the very disabilee, of
the vile
Mob.
Aria
I can’t perceive an Error in your Lordships Dress.
Ins
Your Ladiships very humble Servant, by the Muses, I
am all in confusion; I
beg your Ladiships Pardon
[takes out his Pocket-glass.]
For this freedom before you, but ’tis
that I would not appear negligent in your
Ladiships presence.
Aria
What a nauseous Fool ’tis. [Aside]
My Lord, methinks you’re very well.
Ins
’Tis your goodness, Madam, poison me if I don’t look
like a Carrman;
I look most abominably, by the Muses: Was your Ladiship
Never in France,
Madam?
Aria
No, my Lord.
Ins
There a Man will keep his Chamber three days, if his
Complexion is out of
order; they are not arriv’d to
that nicety of Perfection here.
Aria
’Tis pitty your Lordship does not instruct our young Nobility.
Ins
I am not sparing of my Advice, Madam; some I find
very tractable, there’s
my
Lord Dresswell has consulted my
Judgment in laying out above a brace of thousand
pounds in Clothes, I believe the World, especially the
Ladies, will own ’tis
to his advantage.
Aria
Yes, and a good help towards spending his Estate,
which, I’m inform’d,
will be gone before he’s five and twenty. [Aside.]
None doubts your Lordships skill in those Affairs.
Ins
But of all the moving lumps of Earth, commend me to the
English, those
awkward Imitators, by the Muses, Madam, there’s scarce one in
ten understands
the Dress, the Dancing, the Singing, those chief parts of a
Man of Quality;
the Duce take me if I was not afraid they had infected me, and
when I return’d
into
France, liv’d a whole month
retir’d, had all my Masters, practis’d
every Coupee before I durst appear among the Ladies; yet, by the
Muses, I
know not how long I shunn’d my self; methought I had the
Brutal Plague upon
me. I beg your Ladiships Pardon for troubling you with a
description of the dull
Northern fellows.
Aria
Every thing your Lordship says is agreeable, I observe very pretty Asse veration you have, by the Muses.
Ins
Does your Ladiship like it? Indeed I think it sounds
better in the mouth of
a Man of Quality than “Damn me, Rot me,”
and such Porter-like Expressions.
Aria
Oh, better much, my Lord; I have a shrewd suspicion
you that mention
the Muses so often have a
familiar acquaintance with ’em, and write.
Ins
I write like a man of Quality, to please my self.
Aria
I dare swear ’twill ne’er please any-body else. [Aside]
Wou’d not your Lordship oblige me
with the sight of some entertaining
Poetry?
Ins
By no means, I beg your Ladiship’s Pardon, ’twill
spoil Conversation, I
can send your Ladiship
several gilt Quires scribbl’d over, if you Ladiship’s
a
lover on’t; most of what I write is Satyr upon ill drest
fellows, and then, by the
Muses, the nauseous Subject makes me so sick, I cannot
forbear being spiteful too,
and criticise upon what others write.
Aria
That’s the fault of all great Wits, methinks their good
Nature should
balance their Judgment.
Ins
Good Nature, Madam, why that’s only the civiler word for
a Fool: If your
Ladiship did but see in
France how the poor Poets at a new
Play sneak, and wou’d
creep
C4v
16
creep into an Augur-hole; when I come in, by the
Muses, I have often wish’d my
my self a Woman, that I might
have gone in a Mask, and not frighten the little
Dogs (that write for Bread) out of their Wits.
Aria
Does your Lordship never write Plays?
Ins
Yes, often, but I could never get either of the Houses to play one.
Aria
What’s the reason of that?
Ins
Can’t your Ladiship guess?
Aria
No, I protest.
Ins
It will favour too much of Vanity to tell youu.
Aria
Pray, my Lord, you have set me a longing.
Ins
I must run the risque of every thing, rather than
deny a Lady: Then truly,
Madam, I believe they think, and that wisely, should they once
play a Play of mine
no other would ever be receiv’d afterwards, and, you know, a man
of Quality can’t
be their Drudge.
Aria
Very true, that is a substantial Reason.
Ins
But, Madam, I know not how you have betray’d me into
these things, when
I design’d to have imploy’d my minutes much more agreeably, in
telling your Ladiship,
I adore you to an infinite degree.
Aria
His Courtship will be worse than all the rest of
his Nonsence, Heaven send
me a deliverance. [Aside]
My Lord, a person of your merit
cannot value one so unpolish’d, Nature has neglected
me, and I have neglected Art.
Ins
Oh fie, Madam, this is Blasphemy, they are both Rivals
in your Perfections.
But were it what you say, which I positively deny, by the
Muses, when I have the
Honour to call you mine, I say, if you did want Instructions,
the rectitude of your
Dress should be my care.
Aria
Rude Fool, I have no patience. [Aside.]
Ins
Madam, you seem uneasie.
Aria
It’s want of Breeding then.
Ins
Gad, I believe so too, for I never saw a Woman in my
company so before.
Madam, you’l break your Fann. [Aside.]
Aria
No matter, ’tis paid for.
I can act the dissembling part no longer. [aside.]
Ins
She’s strangely alter’d, jealous she can’t keep me to
her self; her Fancy’s at
work; there’s nothing out of order in my Wig sure.
Aria
Oh Fidelio, do something, do any
thing to that Animal, and let me be
gone, for I am
teased to death.
Fid
Gad, I know not what to do but affront him; flatter him I
can’t, ’tis not
in my Nature.
Ins
Every Hair, I protest, is in as perfect Symmetry as my
Features, as I was
saying, Madam.
Fid
As I was going to say, Sir.
Ins
Sir! hey, what rude Brute have we here? [Aside.]
Friend, wou’d you speak with my
Gentleman, or the Groom of my Chambers?
there they stand both.
Fid
There let ’em be damn’d both; no, ’tis you, Essence
and no Brains, I speak
to; Shadow of a Man, vainer than Woman, emptier than the Plumes thou
wear’st. Thou thing, dost thou pretend to court that Lady
which went out just now?
Ins
If the Lady went away, I suppose she knew you
better than I, and avoided
so rough a fellow.
Fid
Insolent!
Ins
Something near my Name, tho’ still without my Title.
Fid
Well, Sir.
Ins
Barbarous!
Fid
Did you not receive a Letter signed
“Fidelio”, which
told you my Birth was
noble as the first Venetians, tho’ my
sunk Fortunes were now my Foe, yet Ariana,
that all-generous Maid, through my dejected Poverty smiled on my
constant Love,
and gave me Hopes. I beg ye to
desist, else let you know, that my Life must
first
be had before the glorious Prize; read you not that Letter?
Ins
Something I do remember of such a Paper, but I saw it
was a Man’s Hand,
and gave it my Valet to peruse, and asking him if there was any
thing in it to divert
me, he said, No; so I ne’er thought on’t more.
Fid
Now you have heard the Contents, pray dismiss your
numerous Attendants,
and meet or go with me to the Field that lies behind the
Lemon-Grove, where this
Dispute shall instantly be ended.
Ins
What’s the man mad? wouu’d ye have me fight in this Wig?
Fid
Why not?
Ins
Oh Heaven’s! any thing towards a violent motion would
raise such a Dust
out on’t, I shou’d be kill’d in a mist.
Fid
Pho, pho, we’ll call at my Lodgings, and you shall put on one of mine.
Ins
Poison me if ever I heard the like, prithee where
dost think I was bred?
wear another man’s Wig, when the best Barber in
Venice knows, that after he has
alter’d, amended, reform’d, and modell’d a new Wig for me half a
Year, it is with
much perswasion I try it.
Fid
Here’s a deal of Nonsence, come, what a pox must we
do then, for fight
you I am resolv’d, or kick and
post you thro’ the Streets of Venice.
Ins
By the Muses, I know not what to say; in
France I have a Campaign for the
bloody purpose, ’tis so necessary, yet so
becoming, several Marsnals of
France have
been ready to pull
me to pieces for it; there I have also fighting Shoes, fighting
Gloves, fighting Sword, &c. and, in fine, can in a moment be
equipp’d [Gap in transcription—1-2 charactersflawed-reproduction]Chevalier:
Travelling now like a
Man of Quality, and to obtain my Mistress, I left my
War-
like Habiliments behind; if you’ll have Patience,
I’ll send post for ’em.
Fid
Incorrigible Fool! No, Sir, I give you but till to morrow
to answer me,
and that you may be sure not to forget the Affront, there’s a
Remembrance upon
your Nose, [tweaks him by the Nose]
and another upon your backside. [kicks him.]
and a warm one for your Cheek. [gives him a box on the Ear.]
Ins
Well Tarpaulin, Monster, half Fish half Man, I’ll be
reveng’d, I will Villain,
there’s those shall punish ye; hey my Attendants.
Fid
Now this fellow goes directly to my
Ariana’s Father; sure her Love will
inspire me to counterplot one Rival-fool.
By Force or Wit his Claim he shall decline;
If Heaven is just, the Virgin must be mine.
The End of the Second Act.
Act III.
[Scene draws.] [Bondi sitting in a Chair.] [Enter Ariana, near the Audience.]Aria
Humph,
my Father here already! I did not think he had been come into
this Room; he can’t see me, and I will
steal softly through, he
shan’t hear me
neither. [Aside.]
Bond
Who’s there?
Aria
What shall I do now? I’ll counterfeit
Madge the Dairy-maid’s Voice, for
if he knows me, I shan’t get from him the Lord knows
when. [Aside.]
’Tis I, my Lord, I did not think any of
the Gentry had been come into this Parlour,
so I went this way to serve my Pullein; Ise warrant
Ise come no more here.
Bond
Oh, dissembling Baggage? Are all blind men servd
thus? Two such Women
as my Wife and Daughter are enough to make twenty Men mad.
Serv
My Lord, some Company from the Duke, and with them the
famous
Oculist Gonsalvo spoke of.
Bond
So, now my greatest Misfortune is falling upon me. [Aside.]
Call my Family together, and go to
Gervatio, bid him, as he values his
Life, consider
what I said to him, and hasten to me.
The Imposture known, Boys will hoot
me out of Venice; then, to have an unskilfulskilful
D2r
19
Man put me to intolerable pain, perhaps real
Blindness, [Stamps]
Oh! I shall go mad.
I know not a Face of those, sure my
Friends are afraid to come, the Operation is
so
dangerous. [Aside.]
Oliv
How d’ye, my Dear, were you in a passion just now?
Bond
I found by Instinct you were near me, and that made me Horn mad.
Oliv
Humph, I am a Fool to speak to you at all.
Bond
You are a Fool, a gross one, because you
dissemble poorly; but, blind as
I am, I can see thro’ it.
Oliv
What does he mean? he can’t be jealous of Count
Andrea, because he never
saw him. [Aside.]
Well, my Dear, I consider your
Condition, and will bear with your peevish Humour.
Here’s some Gentlemen, and a famous Oculist, sent by the
Duke, to look into your
Eyes.
Bond
Peace, Scriech-owl, I am in pain enough already.
Oliv
I hope he will give you ease, my Lord.
Sir, please to look into my Husband’s Eyes.
Actw
Fear not, my Lord, putting your self into my Hands,
shou’d I, or some
of those Gentlemen that have travel’d with me, recount the
Wonders I have done,
you wou’d rejoyce at your good Fortune in meeting with me. There’s
the Emperor
of Germany’s Aunt,
threescore and ten, was led about stone blind twenty
Years; I came, and in a few weeks time made so perfect a Cure,
that she has since
work’d her Nephew a Point Cravat. I take out Specks where no body
else can
see ’em.
Bond
That will be my Case. [Aside.]
Actw
Oh, the sweet Duke of
Tuscany! what a Film did I clear his
Eyes of! the
Good of Mankind prevail’d with me, or else ’twas hard to get
from him.
Bond
Mr. Doctor, I don’t doubt your Skill, but I had rather
wait the Will of
Heaven for the restoring my Sight.
Actw
By your Leave, my Lord, I am Heaven’s Instrument, and
here’s the Duke’s
Command to do my best for you. Gentlemen, draw near, and hold
him in the
Chair, while I look in his Eyes.
Bond
I shall be murder’d here.
Oliv
Pray, my Dear, be rul’d.
Bond
Jezebel!
Actw
Ay, ay, here it is, a huge Speck, just growing on the
Ball of his Sight,
the worst of black Catarachs, but I shall out with him: let’s
see, how is t’other
Eye? Oh Lorder, further gone! Well, you may bless your Stars
that you met with
me as you did, or else you had never seen in this World agen.
Bond
I am contented with my present condition, and desire
to speak with the
Duke before you meddle with me.
Actw
My Lord, your condition is a desperate condition, and
the Duke shall see
some of my Art before you
speak with him.
Bond
Oh the Devil! I shall be ruin’d, where’s this Dog Gervatio?
[Aside.]Actw
When I have couched your Eyes, my Lord, you must lye
upon your Back
for six weeks, and be fed with
nothing but a Feather.
Bond
Oh!
Aria
Why you us’d him most inhumanly, I fear he’l complain
to the old Gentleman.
Heyday, what have we here, my Father in the
hands of the Philistins!
Stay, don’t you speak till some time after me. What’s the
matter, Sir?
Bond
So, here’s another of my Comforts, with her Beggar at her Tail. [Aside.]
The matter! here’s a Fellow will Mangle my eyes whether I will or no.
Fid
Can I serve you, Sir?
Bond
Yes, if you I beat that fellow.
Actw
How! beat me, that have the Badges of all the Princes of
Europe, Asia,
Africa, and
America! Come, come, I find my
Lord’s mad; pray, Gentlemen, help
me to bind him in his Chair.
Bond
Murder, murder! then, to tell you the truth, I am not blind.
Gerv
Nay, then ’tis time for me to appear.
[Aside.]Bond
I tell you I am not blind.
Actw
Pho, pho, this is only his fear.
Oliv
Nothing else, you may assure your selves.
Aria
Well said, Mother, I think you may be pretty confident
on’t, for no man
that cou’d have seen would have had Patience to have born what
you have acted
before his Face.
Gerv
Make way there, let me come at my dear-lov’d Master,
the sacred Girdle
of St. Silvester, brought by
two holy Men, is just arriv’d; a new unusual Light
struck thro’ the Hall, and I could see as if I had ten pairs
of Eyes, so light, so glorious
was the place; ’tis lodg’d i’th’ Chappel, whither the
Priests desire you all to
repair, and invoke the power of the Saint.
Actw
A Pox of those Miracles; d’ye hear, if your Saint does
you no good, don’t
send for me, for, by Belzebub,
I’ll not come at ye.
Gerv
Rarely perform’d, I’ll speak with ye by and by.
[Aside.]Bond
Thy Hand, Gervatio, I tremble every
Joynt of me; thou art a Rogue, but
I forgive thee. Come, Gentlewomen, tho’ I believe your Prayers
signifie but little.
Aria
Madam, what think you of this miraculous Girdle?
Oliv
I don’t use to have a great Opinion of those things,
but we shall see what
Wonders this will do.
Fid
I think the whole Story is all a Wonder.
Oliv
When your Father cry’d out, he was not blind, I was terribly frighted.
Aria
I believe you was, Madam.
Fid
I’ll try to engage Gervatio farther in our Interest, then we shall know all.
Aria
Come, come, if we stay longer, I’m sure we shall be miss’d.
Dressing-Table.] [Enter Lady Temptyouth.]
La. Tem
How is it, my Blossom? Let me see, has not
sitting up at the Ball last
night spoil’d thy Complexion? No, not a bit: Oh, I cou’d kiss
thy pretty Eyes
out.
Lucin
How can your Ladiship tell my Complexion is not
spoil’d? I have got
both my white and red on, Madam.
La. Tem
Oh, that’s nothing Chicken, there’s a Vivacity strikes
through, and thy
pretty Eyes are as sprightly, as if thou hadst
drank Nectar this Morning. Come,
what Conquests did you make last night? You know there lies my
Pleasure, to
hear of your Victories.
Lucin
There was my Lord Dresswell said a thousand foolish things to me.
La. Tem
Pho, hang him, he’s going down the World, he’s neither
fit for Husband
nor Cully; think not of him, I charge thee,
Lucinda.
Lucin
I shall never think of any without your Ladiships directions.
La. Tem
That’s my good Girl; well, but was there none else?
Lucin
Yes, there was the Duke’s second Son, he only blush’d
when he came near
me, trembled when he touch’d my Hand, danc’d with such concern,
that I thought
he would have fallen.
La. Tem
Ha, ha, ha, the Fool’s in love, I’ll put him down in my
Table-book, he
may prove considerable.
Lucin
As for the rest, some swore they hated me, others I
was not pretty; so
thro’ a Medly of Confusion every one endeavour’d to express
their Admiration.
La. Tem
Thou art a dear, dear Charmer; well, I swear I love
thee better than
any of the little creatures I ever
brought up before.
Lucin
I thank my best Mother.
La. Tem
Nay, thy own Mother was a pure good Woman, only her barbarous
Friends turn’d her out of Doors for having such a pretty Rogue
as thee: I kept
her, poor Lady, till she died.
Serv
My Lady Olivia Bondi sends to tell
your Honour, That St. Silvester’s wonderful
Girdle has restor’d my Lord
Bondi’s Sight, for which, at
present, they are
paying their Devotions this Afternoon, the Duke’s Musick, Balls,
and all Divertisementstisements
D3v
22
Venice will afford,
fill my Lord Bondi’s House; the
Ladies desire your Honour’s company, and the fair
Lucinda’s.
La. Tem
We’l wait upon them, our Service to the Ladies.
[Exit Servant.]Poor Olivia, her
crass Husband’s seeing will be but bad for her and
Count Andrea:
Hang’t, ’tis setting our Inventions a little more upon the
stretch, and we shall outwit
him still. Ha! I have a Thought come into my Head for thy
advantage, Lucinda.
Here,
Tifflewell, bring my Girl’s best
Head, and all her Jewels. Oh, Lucinda,
if thou canst play one part to a Masterpiece, I
don’t doubt making thy Fortunes
for ever.
Ah, Tifflewell! now show thy utmost Art,
and make thy Mistress charming as an
Angel.
Tiff
I warrant ye, Madam, such a piece of Youth and Beauty
to work upon, and
fine Clothes, let me alone to make an Angel of her.
La. Tem
If thou canst but humour it.
Lucin
Give me Instructions, Madam, I am not accounted backward.
La. Tem
No, no, thou’rt a dear forward Girl as Heart can wish;
this would
oblige our Friends, prove an everlasting Provision for your
self, and ravish me with
Joy.
Lucin
But yet you won’t tell me what it is.
La. Tem
Dear Tifflewell, put another Jewel here.
Tiff
Pray your Honour let me have my own Fancy first.
La. Tem
Lucinda shall sing, and
Lucinda shall dance, and if they
two, both in
perfection, won’t charm himk, the Devil’s in’t.
Lucin
Sing and dance, is that all? I have done that often
enough to no purpose
already.
La. Tem
Yes, yes, thou shalt do more than that, my dear
Chicken, can’t you
put on a world of Affectation?
Lucin
With all the ease in the World: Alas, Madam, It was
born with me, and
I have as much ado in some measure to overcome it, as I have
my Inclinations towards
the eating green Fruit.
La. Tem
Affectation is a mighty Art, my Dear, and those pretty
Eyes must be
manag’d a thousand several ways, severe, languishant,
ogling, darting their Beams,
cast around, and if they chance to meet, a Lover’s thrown with
wondrous haste and
modesty into your snowy Bosom.
Lucin
My Eyes, dear Mother, ever were at my Command, but never
let Fools
in them read my Heart: Thus I have look’d upon the man I scorn’d,
thus on him
I would not have believe my Love impossible, tho’ hard, to
gain; kind and coming
Looks I seldom use, I’m not arriv’d at that Age yet.
La. Tem
Dear Girl, you Aptness prevents the Care I would have
undergone in
your Directions, but you must be very sure to rail, commend
neither Man nor Woman,
either in their Persons or Dress, except my Lord, to whom
you are are all the
while addressing.
Lucin
I am glad ’tis a Lord, for I hate to take pains about a
fellow that has no
Title.
La. Tem
He has not only a Title, but an Estate, and every thing
I cou’d wish for
thee; Are you quite ready?
Lucin
Yes, Madam, do I look killing?
La. Tem
Like a Cherubim; come along.
Andr
Oh my Olivia! Bondi’s
Sight restor’d deprives me ever of the Light of
those dear Eyes: I ne’er believ’d those Miracles told by
canting Priests, now Heaven,
to punish my Incredulity, has sent one that robs me of
all my Bliss, and nothing
but the crowd, the noise of this wondrous Girdle brought,
could have gain’d
my Admittance now.
Oliv
My Lady Temptyouth is our Friend;
beside, these warm Desires will soon
grow cool, and then you will be glad of an Excuse.
Andr
Never, Olivia, never; my Youth, my
Life, my Fortunes, all are dedicated
to thee.
La. Tem
[within] I say, my Lord, you
shall not press into your Ladies Chamber
till she has word we are here.
Bond
[within]Sure this Woman intends to vex me stark mad.
Oliv
Oh Heavens, my Husband! what shall we do?
Andr
I’le get into the Closet.
Oliv
Alas, he has the Master-key.
Bond
[within]’Tis but in vain, Heaven
has restor’d my Eyes, and I will see
what is done in my House.
Oliv
Good my Lord, under my Toylet, quick, quick.
La. Tem
And what wou’d you see now, your good Lady all alone,
returning
Heaven Thanks, I dare swear, for the wonderous Blessing you
have receiv’d.
Bond
I’m sure I saw the glipse of a Man follow her to her Chamber.
Oliv
A Man with me!
La. Tem
Pho, Child, ’tis Jealousie, he takes thy Shadow for a Man.
Bond
I’le look into this Closet, but not enter it, lest
you juggle him from under
your Petticoats.
La. Tem
Come, is your Maggot over? will you down into the Dining-room,
hear the practice of Musick, and my
Lucinda shall give you a Dance.
Bond
Dancing be damn’d, I’d as live see a Monkey leap from Tree to Tree.
La. Tem
Not even his Eyes agen will put this man into a good
Humour. Well,
I hope we have a noble Entertainment, according to the old
Proverb, “a Miser’s Feast
is always the best”; will ye go down, or no?
Bond
No, I’ll dine here.
La. Tem
Seem willing, madam, ’tis the only way to prevent him.
[Aside.]Oliv
With all my Heart, for I hate much Company: Here
Diego, and your fellow,
carry this Table to the Dressing-room-door, a-top of the
back Stairs, there
Sylvia can thrust it in, and
bring the Side-board hither.
La. Tem
Have a care you drop nothing.
Dieg
’Tis plaguy heavy.
Bond
You are wondrous forward, perhaps I won’t dine here when
all is
done.
Lucind
Heyday! sure the old Gentleman does not know his own mind.
Bond
Goodlack, Mrs. Pert, are you setled in yours?
Lucind
If I am not, my Lord, my Years excuse it.
Bond
One of your bringing up, my
Lady Temptyouth, I suppose, because
she is
so brisk.
La. Tem
I’m not asham’d to own her; yes, ’tis my dear Girl.
Serv
An’t please your Honour, my
Lord Insuls desires to speak with
you, on very
earnest business.
Bond
I believe I may dare venture to go, for my Gipsie would
never have been
so willing I should have dined here, if the Coast had not
been clear. [Aside]
Show me where he is.
Oliv
So, he is gone, I hope the Count is safe.
La. Tem
Yes, yes, I saw him slip down the back-stairs as
soon as ever the Men
were out of sight.
Oliv
How do you do, pretty Lady, I scarce dare speak to
you before my Husband,
he’s so peevish.
Lucind
Peevish, indeed I never saw such a cross old man in all my life.
Oliv
What would you do, my Dear, if your pretty Youth was
confin’d to such
an one.
Lucind
O, I’d quickly send him to Heaven in a String; I’d have
half a score Gallants;
Madam, if I did not teaze him to that degree, that in a
months time he
went to sleep with his Fathers, hang me for a Fool.
Oliv
Thou art a Mad-cap.
La. Tem
Let us go down, for I have a Design upon that
Lord Insuls, which I’ll
tell you as
we walk.
Oliv
I am ready to wait upon you.
Bond
Was ever such Impudence, such Disobedience
practis’d under one’s own
Roof? Mercy on me! what will this World come to? A wanton Wife and
an
undutiful Daughter! the Plagues of
Egypt were meer Flea-bitings to them.
Ins
Nay, I thought your Lordship was not privy to the
Affront, because I knew
your Lordship first propos’d the Match; indeed never man of
Quality was so abu――
sed; I would have fought the fellow, but that I fear’d, by his
Carriage, he was a
Scoundrel, and would disgrace my Sword.
Bond
Oh, ’tis a vile Wretch, but I’ll be so reveng’d on
him. My Lord, if
yet you think my Daughter worthy, the Ball just ended, a Priest
shall make her
yours for ever, tho’ indeed she ought to expect your Scorn and Hatred.
Ins
My Education taught me never to bear Displeasure
against the fair Ladies,
I shall wait with much Impatience and Joy till you summon me to
the fair one.
Bond
My Lord, I beg you would go to the Company, whilst
I send for my
Daughter, and give her a Lesson, for
I fear she was at the bottom on’t.
Call Ariana. [To a Servant.]
Ins
I will leave ye pray be not too severe upon the Lady, I
have a great respect
for her; but for that rude fellow, by the Muses, he
deserves kicking and
pumping.
Aria
Did you send for me, Sir?
Bond
Yes, Mrs. Manybetters, and-none worse; how
you are trick’d up! the
Dancing, not your Father’s Sight restor’d, is your Joy: Are
not you a Cockatrice?
dare you look me in the Face after what you have done?
Aria
Done, my Lord!
Bond
Yes done, Minx, you and your beggerly Brave abuse a man
of Quality, Fortune
and Honour.
Aria
Has the Baby been to tell its Tale then?
Bond
D’ye make a Jest on’t Huswife? Hear what I say, and
mark it: This night
thou shalt be my Lord
Insulls Wife, or else, by Heaven,
I’ll turn thee loose into
the wide Streets of
Venice, stript of all Means, all
Comforts, there to get thy Bread
amongst thy
fellow-prostitutes, but never own thee for my Daughter more.
Aria
These are cruel sounds, they strike through my
soul, and dead my sence.
Oh, Sir, hear your only
Child; you us’d to say you lov’d me, if I have lost
that
Blessing, let Compassion plead, heap on
me all punishments, spare me but in this;
let not
my Youth be condemn’d to what I loath, to such a Fool, a
Blockhead,
Coward.
Bond
Rebellious Witch!
Aria
Consider, Sir, you force me on the Road to Hell, for my
strong Aversion
needs must lead me on to
Murders, Adulteries, or such horrid Crimes that will surely
plunge me there.
Bond
Let go, stand off, for as I have a Soul, this night you are married, or ten thousand real Mischiefs shall befal thee.
Aria
Mischief is already on me, lasting Mischief, fix’d
for Life, a Husband
whom I shall ever hate and all the World will still
despise, all my cheerful hours
are for ever fled, Fate has not one in store: Then let their
Revels shake the House
E
with
E1v
26
with noisie pleasure, fix’d on this wretched Earth,
so stupified I’ll grow, till I can
work my
melancholy Thought to fancy I’m a piece on’t.
Gerv
What’s here, my charming young Mistress on the Ground,
she that us’d to
enliven all the World, now, when
there reigns a general Joy, sunk in Sorrow?
Rise,
dear Madam, rise.
Aria
Never.
Gerv
I’ll try that; come Madam, what’s the cause of this
dejection? did I not
receive from you a noble
Present? Come, pray believe me yours, and tell me
what’s the matter.
Aria
If I durst trust thee, but ’tis no Secret; my Father
has sworn I this night
shall wed Insulls.
Gerv
And you had rather have Fidelio.
Aria
Rather, oh, there is no comparison.
Gerv
Smile then and you shall; but, udsf[Gap in transcription—1-2 charactersflawed-reproduction]h, I’ll do nnothing without you are
merry.
Aria
Were I rid of the fear of Insulls, I could leap over the Moon.
Gerv
Let me see, does not this Lord Insulls pretend to Poetry?
Aria
Most intolerably.
Gerv
And is he not vain upon it?
Aria
As all Wou’d-be-wits are.
Gerv
Then, dear madam, let your Troubles end, and be as brisk
as your sweet
natural Temper incites, I warrant your
Lumber of a Lover safe enough from disturbing
you when the Ball’s done.
Aria
O that I could believe thee.
Gerv
You’d believe me when by my sole contrivance the
Parson hath conjur’d
you between a pair of sheets in
Fidelio’s Arms; ah! methinks I see
you laid on the
delicious Scene.
Aria
Go, you are a Talker: Then I am to know nothing of your plot.
Gerv
Not till you hear of the success to the Company,
sweet Madam. Yonder
the Hall’s as full as it can
hold, the Musick’s a thrumming, the Gallants are ogling,
my Lady Temptyouth as busie as
a Bee, there wants nothing but you to crown the
Assembly.
Aria
I’m gone; remember, if you fail my Heart’s broke.
Gerv
Let your Heart be as light as your Heels, and fear nothing, fair Lady.
Aria
Take this and be careful.
Gerv
I would not be old Bondi’s faithful
Fool agen for the World, there’s some
delight a
Gusto in serving these young
generous souls: Well, Brains, if e’er you’d do
me
service, let it be now, help me to baulk this foolish Lord.
Fix soft Ariana where her Wishes tend,
So she secures a Lover, I a Friend.
The End of the Third Act.
Act. IV.
[Scene a Hall.Wherein is Bondi, Count Andrea, Lord Insulls, Fidelio, and several other
Gentlemen; Olivia, Ariana, Lady Temptyouth, Lucinda, with many
other Ladies.]
Bond
Count Andrea is your Guest, I suppose.
[to Olivia.]Oliv
My Lord!
La. Tem
No, he is my Guest, sure for the many Estates I
have help’d you to for
half the worth of ’em, you may allow me to bring one Friend.
Bond
Your Ladiship’s alwaies my Friend, I thank you. Come,
why don’t this
Dancing go on? if your heels wou’d wag,
’tis to be hoped you would be tir’d and
ha’ done once.
and a French Beau.]
Ins
[to
Lucinda]
Heavens, Madam! I have seen nothing so ravishly
fine, nothing
like it[Gap in transcription—1-3 charactersflawed-reproduction]by the Muses; since I
left Versailles, ’twou’d be
impertinence to the
highest degree to ask if your
Ladiship was not bred in France.
Luc
Oh, the Paradise of the World bred there, my
Lord: Yes, my Mother
was so nice she had me nurs’d
in France; I warrant she would
not let me suck’d
any other than French Milk for a Principality.
Ins
A witty Woman, by the Muses, and charmingly pretty:
Then your Ladiship
understands the French Freedom and Gallantry? According
to those Rules,
pray Madam, number me amongst your
humblest Servants.
Luc
With all my Heart, there’s a Favour to distinguish
you. [Gives a Ribbon.]
No
more words now we are observ’d.
La. Tem
Well done, my Lucinda, she’s at
him, i’faith, my Maidenhead to an
Eggshell he’s her
own.
This is dull doings, Madam, I wish I could part the
Company, send those
Gravities to tope their
Noses, and get our selves a little freedom.
Oliv
I wish you cou’d, Madam; poor
Ariana has not spoke a word since
she
came into the Hall.
La. Tem
I’le try: Well, now I vote that the Gentlemen and Ladies
that have
danc’d retire into the drawing Room, and
recruit with Sweetmeats and cool
Wines, and the old
Dons take up their Smoaking-room, and drink lusty
Chiaux,
Bagrag, and the
warmest Wines my Lord Melito
Bondi’s Cellar affords.
Andr
Spoke like an Oracle.
Bond
Spoke like a Devil, putting all the young ones together;
but this is the
last day of her Reign, for I’le
forbid her my House, tho’ I lose Ten thousand
Crowns a Year by it.
An old Senator
I like the motion well, for, by my holy Dame, I am tir’d
with
seeing nothing but hip hop, hip hop.
La. Tem
Come, come, you as becomes you, your Age and Quality first.
Bond
The Devil take thee.
[Aside.]La. Tem
Now pair all, and follow your Leader.
Ins
I’le let Ariana see I stomach the Affront.
[To Lucin.]Madam, may I crave the honour of your Hand?
Luc
Yes Gallant, ’tis at your service.
Aria
Did you see my Fool strut by with Lucinda? Now he is vain enough to
fancy I will be jealous.
Fid
He is not worth a Thought.
Aria
Alas, you know not how formidable he is; my Father, with
the dismal’st
Threats that Man could utter, has
sworn to marry me to him this very Evening,
as
soon as the Ball is over.
Fid
Hell and Furies! I’ll cut his Throat immediately.
Aria
Hold, hold, Gervatio with much
assurance promis’d me a deliverance, have
a little
patience, such desperate Attempts will ruine all.
Fid
Dost think I’le stand by and see thee lost?
Aria
Nor will I tamely yield; but now let’s be calm, and the
Company, methinks
I have great Faith in
Gervatio’s Promises.
Fid
And I have Faith in thee; but, oh, if power should
overcome madness, Despair
and Death would seize me.
La. Tem
Where are you, Chickens? Come hither, or spight of me,
the old man
will rouze ye.
Aria
We come.
Gerv
Mr. Stretchwell, and Mr. Heardouble, you understand your business.
Stretch
Ay sure, or else we spent our Lives to very little purpose.
Gerv
Well, here I plant ye, and bring the
Lord Insuls; if he owns he made the
Libel call’d The present state of
Venice, you know what you
have to do.
Heard
Yes, yes, truss him up for Treason.
Stretch
Hurry him away to Prison without Bail or Mainprise.
Gerv
Right, behind those Hangings conceal your selves,
I’ll bring him as soon
as possible.
Stretch
His business shall be done I’ll warrant thee, old boy.
Gerv
And you rewarded.
Heard
Well, Brother, we are a great Prop to this State,
Venice had long ago
moulder’d
into its watry Foundation, if we Informers had not
supported it from
ten thousand Treasons.
Stretch
Dost think think this Lord Insuls is guilty or not?
Heard
What matter is’t? he’s rich, and we’l fleece him.
Stretch
I hate a poor Dog, that pretends to be in a Plot.
Heard
Impudent Varlets! when they han’t Mony enough to pay
their Fees,
they’l undertake to turn Governments
upside down.
Stretch
Hark, I hear a noise, to our Posts.
Gerv
My Lord, I humbly ask your pardon, for drawing your
Honour from the
bright Assembly, but I
understand you are in a fair way to be Heir-apparent to
all
my old Master’s Wealth: I have been a long and
faithful Servant here, and may
prevail with old
Bondi to drop more Bags than he design’d.
Ins
Honest Gervatio, thou art kind,
but the young Lady uses me most scurvily,
by the
Muses, she must expect, whemn I
am her Husband, that in return of her scorn
I treat
her with Indifference.
Gerv
She deserves it; good Heavens! slight such Worth as yours!
Ins
Nay, by the Muses, Gervatio,
without boasting, I may say, all the Courts in
Christendom have
admir’d my
Person, Parts, and Dress.
Gerv
No doubt, my Lord, your Lordship has such an Oath
sets my mouth all on
Water, by the Muses: Oh, I
had a devilish smatt’ring at ’em in my Youth, but hard
Fate threw me upon Units, Tens, and the Gargon of
accounts, when I long’d to
have been rhiming: I am
sure your Honour writes, O that I cou’d be so happy to
peruse some of your incomparable lines.
Ins
What I write is all light Satyr, if your Fancy’s that
way, I can send you
Reams of cover’d Paper.
Gerv
Is it so light Satyr, i’faith? ha, ha, ha, nay, then I
smell a Rat indeed, they
sed ’twas a Stranger did it.
Ins
What d’ye mean?
Gerv
As if you did not know, that exquisite, elaborate,
most ingenious piece,
call’d The present
state of Venice,
wherein the Satyr is so winning, so instructive,
so
reforming, as I may say, that the Duke is
pleas’d
with it to that degree, he has promis’d
his fair Daughter’s Picture-set round with Diamonds, in a
Gold Chain that
goes fifteen times about the Neck to the Man that will own
himself the Author.
Ins
He, he, he, does that Trifle make such a noise? Alas,
I have writ Five hundred
better than that.
Gerv
Impossible, but we owe this to your Lordship, I’m sure.
Ins
Yes, the Lines are mine, but I care not to expose my
Name, I want not the
Duke’s Present, Gervatio.
Gerv
No, my Lord!
Ins
What’s the matter, Gentlemen?
Stretch
Hold your Tongue, Sirrah, make no noise nor
resistance, if you do, one
of these sends your
Poetical Brains into the Air immediately.
Heard
Here’s a Rogue for ye, Brother! he sed he had made Five
thousand Libels
on the Duke and Senate.
Stretch
Ay, ay, he shall have his Reward, a Halter instead of
a Gold
Chain.
Ins
Why Gentlemen, to tell you the truth, I did not write the Verses.
Stretch
Every Malefactor can deny his Crime
Ins
Oh Gervatio! what’s the meaning of all this?
Gerv
Heavens! my Lord, I am as much amaz’d as you, these
fellows have betray’d
me, they told me the Poetry
was ador’d by the Duke and Senate, and I
should have a
swindging Reward if I could discover the Author; my
business
was always to get Mony, my Lord, and I
hoped to have done my self a Kindness
and your
Lordship an Honour.
Ins
Yes, you have honour’d me, I thank ye, put me in a fair
way to be hang’d:
Good Gentlemen, remove these
horrid Instruments of death a little further, they
put my Peruke quite out of the curl; and my Body in
such violent sweats, I shan’t
be able to come near
the Ladies agen this fortnight.
Heard
Oh, there’s no Ladies where you are a going, come along.
Gerv
Fear not, my Lord, I’ll get you Bail.
Stretch
How, going to whisper the Prisoner! here’s another
Fiddle will make
ye dance farther off.
Gerv
O Lord, O Lord, I never could endure the Nose of
Belzebub against my
precious person.
Heard
Come, let’s have him the back way, lest he alarm the House.
Stretch
Shall we put him in the Dungeon?
Ins
Good Gentlemen, consider my Ball-clothes.
Stretch
Here’s a Fellow taking care of his Clothes when his Life
is in danger.
Heard
Well, Brother, according as his pockets are lined, he
shall be
used.
Stretch
Ay, ay, away with him.
Ins
Pray leave haling, me, I’ll go quietly.
Stretch
You’d best.
Ladies; Andrea, Fidelio, Gentlemen; a Side-table, with Wine.]
Aria
Madam, shan’t we beg a Song of the charming Lucinda?
La. Tem
Not till my Lord comes, I have told ye my design.
Aria
And I like it extreamly.
Aria
Heavens! look Fidelio, what’s that stalks behind my Father, a Priest?
Fid
The Devil it is.
Aria
I fear there’s mischief’s toward.
Bond
As the day has passed in Joy, so, I hope, ’twill
have a joyful end, for I
design before all these Witnesses to marry my Daughter,
the young Lord Insulls is
the Bridegroom, his Father and I long ago concluded it, only my
Infirmity deferred
the matter.
Old Sen
Ay, let’s have a Wedding, the thoughts on’t makes my old
Blood
dance.
Andr
Rather the strong Wines work upon your weak Brain.
La. Tem
The Devil! all my design’s ruin’d, and poor
Ariana’s Heart broke:
fiddle
faddle, my Lord Bondi, this is
nothing but thriftiness, now the Fragments of
the
days Revels must serve for the Wedding Supper; no, no,
old Gentleman,
don’t mistake your self, we’l have
another Festival for dear Ariana’s Marriage.
Bond
My Lady, you have a large rule in my Family, but in this
Affair, upon my
word, I’ll be Master.
Fid
My Veins with Kindling Rage are all on fire, what shall
I do, my Ariana?
I’ll meet and stab him
as he enters.
Aria
Have a moments patience, he appears not yet.
Luc
What, must I lose my new Servant, Madam?
[To Lady Temptyouth.]La. Tem
So it seems, Child.
Luc
A welladay! but hang’t, while Fifteen has not overtaken
me, I’ll never
spoil my Face with grieving.
Oliv
If I have any power, my Lord, I beg you wou’d oblige your
weeping
Daughter, in delaying this unwelcome Match.
Bond
Rest assured you have no power with me, and all you
say against it hastens
my Resolves; use your
Prayers and your Comands where you bestow your
Charms, I am cold, as I have ever found your Love.
Oliv
This shou’d be Jealousie, but what can give him Ground for a Suspicion?
[Aside.]Gerv
O, where’s my Lord?
Bond
Here; what’s the matter?
Gerv
Oh, my Lord, the worst News, the saddest Accident!
Oh! my Heart will
break for the poor Gentleman.
Bond
What Gentleman? explain thy self.
Gerv
Gentleman did I say? no, no, not a Gentleman neither, ’tis a Lord.
Aria
My Heart bodes Comfort.
Bond
Torture me no longer, dear Gervatio.
Gerv
That hopeful Sprig, oh! I can’t get it out, my Lord Insulls.
Bond
What of him?
Gerv
Alas, the overflowings of his Wit has undone him: In
short, my Lord,
some base Trappanners,
Informers, of which this State swarms, sent for him
from
this Company, and got out of him, that he made
that cursed Libel, The present state
of Venice, which has
so exasperated the Duke and Senate, that they have resolved
to hang the Author.
Bond
Hang him!
Gerv
Ay, hang him, Sir; my Bowels earn for the young Bud of Quality.
Bond
What a Devil had he to do with Poetry, that Leprosies
of lazy Minds,
that Weed of Nature? Had he not Estate and Title? must he
covet the Begger’s
Entail, Parnassus Lands, and be damn’d
to him? Plague consume all the rhiming
Fops in Christendom.
Gerv
What, your worthy Son-in-law!
Bond
He makes me mad.
Fid
I cou’d worship thee, Gervatio.
Bond
I must be rude, and desire the Company to break up,
whilst I go and try
my Interest to release this jingling Coxcomb.
The Gent
My Lord, we are all your humble Servants.
Gerv
You two go round, and you will find the back-door of the
Garden open;
when my Master’s gone I’le call ye.
Andr
We’l be ready.
Bond
[to the
old Senator] Come, Brother Senator, your company
may be useful.
Gerv
So Ladies, how d’ye like my Contrivance?
Bondi may stir, but the duce
a
bit will he get his Lordship released to night, and to
morrow I have another
Plot, which I hope makes my fair
Mistress happy.
Aria
Thou art my better Angel.
La. Tem
But my Ariana, won’t you give me
leave to free my Lord, provided I
take care he never
troubles you with love again?
Aria
Ay, get him into the Bonds of Matrimony with
Lucinda, and free him
from his
Prison as soon as you please.
Oliv
Methinks ’tis pity the pretty Creature shouuld be condemn’d to such
a Fop.
Lucin
Oh, a rich Fool was alwaies my desire, that I might
show my Discretion
in managing him and his Estate.
Oliv
Nay, if you are pleased I am.
La. Tem
Come Child, we have many Irons in the Fire, there’s not a
Senator
but I have done a good turn for some time or
other, and therefore I fear not
succeeding.
Lucin
Your Servant, Ladies.
Oliv
Yours.
Gerv
Come in Gentlemen, the old Enemy’s gone.
Fid
Let me embrace thee, thou Soul of Ingenuity and Goodness.
[To Gerv.]Oliv
Indeed Gervatio has proved just
contrary to my Expectations; I hope as he
has freed Ariana, if I crave his
Friendship, I may obtain it; I am sure you know
what moves my Lord to use me so intolerably, that
I can never meet a civil
Answer.
Gerv
I own I know the Cause, but dare not tell ye, lest it startle ye too much.
Oliv
No, Gervatio, prithee speak, for his brutal Carriage is past enduring.
Gerv
Then, Madam, my Master was never blind, pretended it,
only to avoid the
being President of Dalmatia;
consider if you have urg’d him.
Omnes
Not blind!
Oliv
Then I am lost.
Andr
Look up, Olivia, Danger shall
never reach thee whilst this Arm can weild
a Sword.
Aria
Madam, your Apprehension is too timerous.
Fid
All here are your ready Friends.
Oliv
Oh, ’tis impossible, my Ruine is inevitable, the
innocent Freedom I have
given this young Lord, my
Virgin Love, before my Husband Bondi,
will be punisht
with nothing less than Death,
Italy produces no milder Vengeance
for suspected
Wives.
Andr
Harbour not a Thought so terrible; rather than be
punish’d guiltless, fly
Venice with your faithful
Slave; to break forc’d Vows Heaven can never hold a
Crime, my Life, and whatsoever I am Master of, is yours.
Oliv
Alas, how wild you talk! five noble Brothers adorn my
Family, who wou’d
pursue my guilty Steps, and
piecemeal on this wretched Body hew out my Honours
Stains and their Revenge.
Gerv
Faith Invention pours on me like a Deluge, for your
Protection and endless
Favour, I’le undertake
to bring ye both off.
Oliv
Impossible.
Aria
What a mad Risque our Sex runs when we plunge in real
Guilt! what
Pangs, what
Agonies, what Terrors are the fatal Consequence!
Andr
Hast thou Reason, Gervatio, for what thou say’st?
Gerv
I’ll serve you all, and, I do not doubt, successfully.
Bond
Which Room is the Family in?
Oliv
I tremble, there’s my Lord.
Gerv
Away, Gentlemen, into the Garden agen, stay in the
Grotto, I’ll be with
ye presently, and tell ye all
my Designs.
Fid
We’ll wait you there.
Gerv
Good Ladies, to your Closets, I would talk with my Lord alone.
Oliv
Come, dear Ariana, thou art happy in
prospect of thy love; if mine had
been my Lot, these
Mischiefs ne’er had hapned.
Aria
I wish your mind at peace.
Gerv
Gad I have undertook Hercules’s
labour, but the greater the Undertaking,
the greater
the Glory in the performance.
Bond
Oh Gervatio! there’s no freeing of this
Fool to night; where’s my damn’d
Wife and Daughter?
Gerv
Gone to undress themselves.
Bond
There’s no body with ’em.
Gerv
None but their Utensils, their Chambermaids.
Bond
Gervatio, I hitherto have trusted
thee with all the Secrets of my life, shrink
not
back when I disclose the greatest: My Wife has
certainly abused me, her Relations
are so
numerous, that to expose her I should run ten
thousand hazards, therefore
I have resolved
silently and secretly to take her off by Poison, to
stop my
Shame and her future Sins.
Gerv
If it be so, my assistance shan’t be wanting;
but, Sir, the Case is weighty,
the Breath of life
blown out, Repentance cannot kindle the dead Coal agen.
Bond
That’s true, but I am by all her wanton Carriages
convinc’d, besides a
thousand Circumstances,
she’s guilty.
Gerv
Well, more to confirm your Suspicion, I must
confess I heard ’em appoint
a meeting in the Garden
about some three hours hence.
Bond
Oh, damn ’em, damn ’em.
Gerv
From the Balcony we may overhear and discovetr new
Cause for your
Revenge, or else find her innocent.
Bond
Innocence! ’tis not in the Sex, Eve,
lost it when she lewdly listen’d to the
Fiend, and
intail’d her guilt on her Posterity.
Gerv
Have patience, and your own Ears shall either acquit or condemn her.
Bond
Nay, my Eyes have seen enough already. Well,
Gervatio, I trust to thee,
and
will be ready when you call me.
Gerv
Your Lordship ever found me faithful.
[Exit Bondi.]If I do deliver these Ladies from all
their Fears, I ought at least to be esteem’d a
Knight Errant, and have it inscrib’d upon my Tomb;
“Here lies a
most puissant Hero:”
Pox on’t, what will rhime to “Hero”? No,
it shall be thus:
“The generous
Gervatio here
lies dead,
To whom for Aid distressed Damsels fled.”
Ay, ay, that will do: Now for my Garden-Sparks, my
Instruments are Lords.
The End of the Fourth Act.
Act V.
[Scene a Garden.] [Bondi and Gervatio appear in the Balcony, a Curtain to draw.]Bond
They
are not come yet, but I’m sure they will, for my
Tormentor seem’d
very uneasie,
and full of Thought.
Gerv
See, my Lord, they both appear.
Bond
Contagion seize ’em, Mildews and Blasts destroy her
Beauty, stamp her
Face as deform’d as her Soul, for, a
Plague on her, she’s too handsom now.
Gerv
Nay, my Lord, if you are thus passionate, they’l hear us.
Bond
Hist, I have done.
Andr
Madam, I come to wait on your Commands, which, how
strange soever,
blindly I obey.
Bond
A Pox of your Complaisance.
Gerv
Pray, my Lord, be silent.
Bond
I am, I am.
Andr
When your Duty to your Father took you from my Wishes,
and gave you
to the noble Bed of
Bondi, great were my pangs; I
struggled hard to conquer
Love’s fierce Fires, and
turn ’em into Friendship’s lambent Flames; strong was
the
Contest, yet I overcame, and now can boast a
Friendship to you and your Lord.
Bond
Pho, this is Dissimulation.
Gerv
Hear ’em out, I am sure they see not us.
Oliv
I knew your Friendship pure, else I had never
trusted you so far; but my
Designs are ended
now, and my Lord grows very peevish; lest your coming
should
offend him, I beg you would forbear the
House, or any Opportunity of speaking
to me.
Andr
Madam, I will even in this fulfill your pleasure; but
you was pleased to
promise, when you made that odd
Request, I would in appearance seem your Gallant,
that you would some time tell me the reason of that
innocent Deceit.
Bond
How’s this?
Oliv
I did, but ’tis a Secret, and I must have your Word and
Honour, that neither
Friend nor Foe extort it from you.
Andr
I give you both, nay, upon my Soul I will not utter it.
Oliv
Then know my Lord was never blind.
Andr
How!
Bond
Ha, Gervatio?
Gerv
Sure she’s a Witch.
Oliv
What is hid from loving Eyes? tho’ all the world believed
it, I perceived
the contrary, and often urged my Husband, tho’ not plainly contradicting
what he said, yet round about he might perceive I
guess’d at it.
Gerv
Did my Lady ever hint she thought you not blind?
Bond
At first she was damn’d inquisitive, which I
still thought she did for her
security in sinning.
Gerv
It sounds like truth: But hush, they go on.
Oliv
Methought I had no Comfort of my Life, whilst my dear
Lord but
seem’d under that Affliction; besides,
Heaven knows, I fear’d a real Judgment might
befall
him for his Counterfeiting, and so I plaid a thousand
tricks with you, thinking
his Love sostrong that
he could not bear to see, and pretend not to see another
invade his right in me? This is the story, and this was my
design, but
my Lord by his own Contrivance now is
himself again, and I renew my
request to see you
no more, for considering past Actions, your sight
makes my
Husband uneasie. When I find him in a good
humour I will acquaint him
with my guiltless project.
Andr
And if he is not displeased I may hope to continue in
the Enjoyment
of your Friendship.
Oliv
Of that hereafter, but my
Lady Temptyouth I resolve to avoid,
because
she knew not the bottom of my design,
yet was so free to forward it, my
Lord your Servant.
Andr
Madam, yours; on this fair hand let me wish you
everlasting Happiness.
Oliv
Remember ’tis your parting kiss, and this indeed your eternal leave.
[Speaking softly.]Andr
My Love must mitigate that rigour, besides, our
Friend Gervatio has
Imployment
for me in the House.
Oliv
By all my dangers (which I hope are past) I will no
more endeavour
or consent to see you. Farewell.
Gerv
What think ye now, my Lord?
Bond
Faith, I know not what to think, were I sure you have
not betray’d
me, there may be some truth in’t.
Gerv
Who I, my Lord? Upon my life not I, why your Lordship
knows I
never could abide the Ladies; how many times
have I made you angry with
’em. I’m sure they hate me.
Bond
That’s true; if she forbears his sight I’ll forbear
my revenge, tho’
the Letters and the Kises grumble in my
Gizard still.
Gerv
Pshaw, only to carry on her Plot.
Bond
Well, I’ll believe it if I can, ’twill be most for my
ease I am sure—
Come let’s in, I’ll write to the Duke for this Scribling Lord,
tho’ in troth I
am almost asham’ to appear in’t.
Gerv
Go thy ways Don Credulous; my drubbing will be reveng’d at last.
La. Tempt
You see my Authority.
Keep
Yes, and obey it; the Prisoner is at your Service.
La. Tempt
My Lord, your Lordship’s humble Servant.
Ins
O Heavens! your Ladiship and that brightness see me
in this vile Condition,
I don’t believe I have a Grain of Powder in my Wigg, the Villains
that took away my Papers took my Mirrour also, because ’twas
set in Gold,
now I couuld wish my self in the
darkest Dungeon rather than appear such a
Brute
before those resistless Eyes.
La. Tempt
Alas, poor Girl, I am sure she never did any thing of
this Nature
before, but she received such a vast respect for your
Lordship; your behaviour
carries in it a
shining Complaisance so much above our dull
Venetians, that
no wonder it touched a tender
Breast.
Lucin
I would serve the French if I met with any of
the Nation in the Person
of a Labourer or Beggar, and sure when a Cavalier is in
Affliction, who
may justly boast of all the Accomplishments of mankind,
’twill excuse my breaking
the strict rules of Decency in giving him a visit.
Ins
I am Transported, such sounds are only fit for
Angels to hear, Mortals
cannot bear the Joy.
La. Tempt
Nay, she has brought you a Present too, and I hope a
welcome one,
your Liberty.
Ins
No, the Lady has brought me everlasting Chains, by the
Muses (Confound
the Oath, I cannot leave it)
I’d not leave ’em to be free as Air.
Lucin
What means your Lordship, I am sure I begg’d your
Freedom heartily
of my Uncle, the Duke.
Ins
But your Eyes teach my Heart the pleasing Bondage,
which I desire
to Triumph for ever. Gad I say
abundance of fine things.
Lucin
Your Lordship forgets, ’tis not Ariana you are talking to.
Ins
No, if it were, every word shou’d stick in my throat,
she a dull Insensible,
no Mein, no Air, no
Song, no Dance, nothing agreeable.
La. Tempt
Oh, the abominable Fool!
how he describes the prettiest Creature
Nature
ever made.
Lucin
Your Lordship cannot be in earnest.
Ins
By the Infernals, (Ay, they’ll do me less harm than the
Muses) But
vast Fortune if I married her, which
now I never will: ’Twas for her
that my Equippage
might have been the finest at the Court of Versailles:
My
F4r
39
My Coach drawn by six Barbs, six Blacks to every
Horse. The poor Creature
my Wife I’d have
confined to the Country with a pair of broken
winded
Jades and an old Fashion’d Chariot.
Lucin
I don’t like your usage of a Wife my Lord.
Ins
She has us’d me ill and deserves such a return, but
if your Ladiship
wou’d think me worthy, Heavens! you
shou’d shine the Glory of
Versailles;
The Barbs be
yours, and I the humblest of your Slaves.
How fine
is that, the Prison sure inspires me.
La. Tempt
Nay, I can’t excuse Ariana, for I
doubt she had more than a
Finger in this
troublesome business, but my Girl’s too young to
think of Love,
tho’ I wish she had never seen
your Lordship; I know not what time may
produce.
Ins
Pardon my Presumption; I had not broke upon the Lady
so abruptly,
but I am prest upon by Fate, my
Father to morrow arrives at Venice
expecting
me to marry
Ariana? Cou’d I have hoped such
Happiness as to have
chang’d my Destiny and fixt
here where all my wishes tend, my Father might
storm, but ’twou’d not be in his power to alter it.
Lucin
Oh Heavens, such a concern ventur’d on so suddenly
wou’d kill me
with the Apprehension.
La. Tempt
Come, let’s leave this detested place and go to my House, there we’ll consider further.
Ins
I wait on you, Madam, with unexpressible thanks for
this Favour: I
hope I shall hear of my people, that
I may once again appear like a Man of
Quality; not
like a Rat shut up in a hole. I profess I am
scarce fit to touch
that fair hand.
La. Tempt
But indeed you are, my Lord! Lucinda.
Lucin
My Mothers Commands, my Lord.
Bond
This to the Duke, this to
Gonsalvo, I hope they’ll consider
my Lord’s
a Fool, and release him: He make the Libel!
I found by his discourse he
made it no more than I
did. [Exeunt Servants]
He’s
foolish ’tis true, but then he is rich and the fitter
for a Husband.
Aria
Oh, Sir!
Oliv
Oh, my dear!
Bond
What’s the matter with the Women?
Oliv
Alas, d’ye hear no noise in the House?
Bond
Noise, what noise, not I.
Oliv
Why all your Moveables are seizing: Two Priests with
Officers walk
o’er the House, nor will they be
controul’d, proudly they march along and
break open all
the Locks, set down your Plate, your rich Hangings, and
every thing of Value, my dressing Plate that was my
Maiden Treasure, that’s
down too; Oh, oh.
Aria
Nay, as much as my Cold Bodkins, and all the Jewels I
have on: I
shall be a rich Lass now! Oh, Heavens.
Bond
Ye amaze me, what can be the meaning on’t?
Aria
They’ll tell no body, but seem to have great Authority.
Bond
I am at my Wits end. Where’s Gervatio?
Aria
Here comes the sorrowfull Man.
Gerv
Oh, that ever I shou’d live to see this day!
such Havock, such Waste
there will be of my dear
Masters Goods, wou’d I were dead out of the sight
on’t.
Bond
Why Gervatio, is all the World mad?
What is the reason of all this
Outrage?
Gerv
I know not, but your Enemies are at my heels, I
suppose they’ll acquaint
you: Here they come,
my Lord.
Officers.]
Bond
Has Heaven nothing but Afflictions for this aged Head! Reverend Fathers
what have I done to deserve such Usage.
Andr
Officers give us the Inventory and retire: We will yet, respecting
his grey Hairs, conceal his shame and crimes as much
as possible: Brother
will you lay the Enormous fault
open before his hardned Soul.
Fid
Your Eloquence will do it more feelingly Brother.
Andr
Excuse me, indeed your Capacity is largest.
Fid
Pardon me, I am weak, very weak, compar’d to you.
Bond
Ah, the Devil take ye both and your Civilities.
[Aside.]Andr
Then according to my poor Ability.
Bond
How I am tortur’d.
[Aside.]Count Andrea[Speaker label not present in original source]
[Andrea Coughing]Melito Bondi, Thou stand’st accused before the Duke and
[and Hemming.]Senate, and his Holinesses Nuncio,
for such a grand Deceit,
for a Crime of such
a Nature, so black in it’s Root, so wide in its
Branches,
the Parent a lie, the Daughter’s
Hypocrisie, Dissimulation to the highest
degree even to Perjury: Brother be pleased to discuss.
Bond
What will become of me.
Fid
Well, mayst thou tremble, old man, who durst affront
Heaven in Counterfeiting
blindness.
Bond
Ah, Lord!
Gerv
Ah, we are all undone.
Fid
But as one Crime seldom fails to pull a greater on, in
thee, lost man,
we find the dire proof of all that’s
ill; to restore this sight which Heaven
knows was
never lost, Silvester’s Sacred
Girdle must be fetched, and a Miracle
pretended; but
know the Saint needs not by your studied lies, addition
to
his well established Glory, since the curst
falsity has been broached, he has
rous’d him in his
Peacefull shrine and waked the Convent with his cries,
Bondi’s a dissembler,
Bondi has done me wrong,
Bondi must be punished.
Bond
Worthy Fathers, behold at your Feet a Penitent, have pity
on my
lost[Gap in transcription—1 characterflawed-reproduction]Estate.
Fid
Fise, and hear us out: Brother, proceed.
Andr
For this Crime the Senate have decreed, the Nuncio too
concurring,
that thou Melito
Bondi be straight Devested of thy Lands
and rich Possession,
thy Moveables, thy
Debts, and whatsoever’s thine Confiscated to the
State,
thy self still to remain a Prisoner for life.
Fid
The doom is mild and merciful, if thou hadst fallen
where the Inquisition
Reigns, through what
variety of Torments must you have past, and
for
conclusion, died: Brother,
will you urge any thing further.
Gerv
Good Reverendissimo’s, let me beg you cease, see
my poor Master is
just expiring under the
severity of your censure: your selves, I am sure,
want
refreshing too.
Fid
Truly my Spirits are exhausted.
Andr
I do perceive mine evaporate.
Gerv
Within I have prepared something to sustain nature.
Bond
Let me entreat ye Fathers to accept it.
Andr
Shall we venture to eat the Viands of the Hypocrite.
Gerv
For that matter I’ll be your taster, pray walk in.
Fid
My Stomach calleth upon me to venture: Old Gentleman, we
shall quickly
return and examine your Papers.
Bond
What you please, I am humbled to any thing.
Fid
[Complementing about the way] Nay Brother, that will not do.
Andr
Upon my Veracity you shall.
Fid
By my order I won’t.
Andr
That’s Sacred; then I must.
Oliv
How have you come off, my Lord.
Bond
E’en stript of all, naked in my old age, as when I
first peept in this
wicked world.
Aria
Ah me, Unfortunate.
Bond
Unfortunate indeed, bred high and not worth a Drachma, I
doubt
that handsome Face will tempt you to make the
best on’t Ariana, and
rather
than live poorly Sacrifice thy virtue.
Aria
Think better of me, I’ll die first.
Bond
Why, that’s well said, as for my Wife, she I fear,
has learnt her Trade
already.
Oliv
Why must I suffer all these unkind suspicions?
Bond
Nay, I forgive thee, be it now [Gap in transcription—2 wordsflawed-reproduction], and thou shan’t hear of
it a[Gap in transcription—1 characterflawed-reproduction]
ny more from me.
Oliv
Shall we go and intercede with these cruel Men.
Aria
I kneel, and beg, and pray as long as I can speak for
my poor Father.
Bond
Ay, you are wondrous kind.
Oliv
Come, let us try our power.
Bond
Hold, ye Fools, did ye ever know or hear of an
Italian Priest let go
his prey; no, no,
my long hoarded Wealth is got into Hucksters hands, I
may
e’en bid farewell to all my possessions.
Oh, Gervatio, my Foes I know are still innexorable, and my ruin resolved.
Gerv
Yonder they are Nuckle deep in Sweet-meats, and have the
best Wines
the world affords before ’em, yet I
perceive no signs of mollifying: My Lord,
I would in
private tell your Lordship what I have thought on.
Aria
If you please, Madam, we’ll in and do all we can wish
for my Father’s
deliverance.
Oliv
Ay, most heartily.
[Exeunt Olivia and Ariana.]Bond
Ah, Gervatio.
Gerv
Alas, my Lord.
Bond
But who may I thank for all this, who was at the bottom
of the
blind Contrivance that has ruined me.
Gerv
And pray who would have thought a dead Saint would have
disturbed
himself with telling tales.
Bond
Ah, I rather fear ’twas living Devils, ’tis no matter, I
have resolved in
my Afflictions to submit to every
thing, and neither quarrel nor complain,
though I
discover thee and the Wife of my Bosom, two Serpents.
Gerv
A resigning Will is a great blessing; for my own
part, I am sure
the Innocence of a Dove is upon me,
towards your Honour, even at this time,
when you are
suspecting me, my poor Brain is in Labour for your good.
Bond
There’s neither help nor hope remain.
Gerv
Yet we may make the best of a bad Market.
Bond
My folly appears so plain, I am ashamed to apply my
self to the Duke
and Senate.
Gerv
I meant not so, that must be done hereafter, but you
know my Lord,
these Harpies have not yet examined
your Papers, I am sure they are tied by
the Teeth
for stirring one while: now if you dare trust me I can
take out
Bonds and Mortgages, to the Sum of fifty
thousand Crowns, get it setled First
upon my
young Lady Ariana, yet not let her
know it, then it can give her
no encouragement for disobedience.
Bond
I thank thy care, Gervatio, and will
instantly put them into thy hands,
but, dost hear,
let the Lawyer put in some doubtfull Clause, that if I
shou’d
by any means escape, I may re-asume my
Right and Title to it again.
Gerv
I warrant you, my Lord, tho’ her name secures it from
the Law, she
shall be ne’er the better for it.
Bond
Come, make haste.
Gerv
My Lord, that way you’ll meet the Moabites.
Bond
[starting] My Woes distract me, I scarce know where my Closet is.
Aria
So, Gervatio has work’d him to his
Ends, ’tis a lucky fellow I protest,
I hope Heaven
will forgive me for consenting these tricks should
be plaid with
my old Father, since my end is
honest and for the sake of my
Fidelio, who merits
more
than I can obtain for him.
Oliv
Why, the Sparks did it rarely, but I am sorry Count
Andrea has an
opportunity of
seeing me again.
Aria
Pho, there’s no harm in his sight, you should not
fall to hastily from
one degree to another.
Here comes the Reverendissimo’s, as
Gervatio call’d them: Does the Wheel
of
Affairs run smooth.
Fid
Upon Carpet ground my life, Gervatio
has pick’d all the best of the Bonds,
Mortgages,
&c. and is gone to an Eminent Lawyer with ’em.
Aria
What have ye done with my Father.
Fid
Made bold to imprison him in his own Closet, where he
must remain
during our Royal Pleasure, and now,
Madam, it rests wholly in your generous
breast to
compleat my Happiness; Gervatio has
secured the Chaplain ours, if
you consent not to
what indeed makes me giddy with the vast Joy, giving
me your Beauteous self, this very moment some
sinister accident in all probability
will
ruin our designs.
Oliv
Nay my dear Ariana you have gone too
far now to shrink back, come
we’ll be witnesses.
Aria
Well, Fidelio, I will venture on
this Bug-bear-Marriage, but if thou shouldst
prove
ungratefull after all my obligations, what punishment
dost thou deserve.
Fid
To be despised by the World, proclaim’d a Coward; and
what’s yet
greater be hated by youu.
Andr
Whilst I behold another’s Happiness, my wretched
self am banished for
ever from what my soul admires.
Oliv
How do ye know ’tis for ever young Gentleman? I may out
live my
Lord, then a brisk Widow weigh’d down with
Bags, oh, ’tis an excellent
Cordial for the younger
branch of a Family.
Andr
Ay there is comfort in that thought, if you wou’d in the
mean time
allow me to see you; nothing less will
preserve my life till the rich Cordial
comes.
Oliv
To preserve my own I must deny that, for
Gervatio tells me, my Lord
was
growing up to great extremities; your forbearance of any
sort of address,
I shall esteem as a proof of
your affection, but whilst we are idly talking
here,
Fidelio views us with impatient Eyes,
and longs to have his Joys secured;
the Marriage
over, I must beg your Lordship to retire, I would not
have
my Husband see you for the world.
Andr
Howe’er unwilling, those commanding Eyes tell me I must obey.
Fid
Come, Ariana,
The Priest our hands, but Heaven our hearts shall join,
And endless raptures Crown me when I call thee mine.
La. Temp
Well I never thought any Mortal cou’d have prevailed with
me
to have parted with this dear Girl at so short
warning, and withouut more
consideration, but your Lordships merit is irresistible.
Ins
I am blest in possessing her, punish me with
the beastly Garb of the Vulgar,
if I would be
unmarried to be an Emperour. This visit is in Triumph
to let proud Ariana see what an
excelling Beauty has made me happy. O
my dear Cherubin,
I can’t but think how the Court of
France will admire my
choice.
Lucin
Shall you like that.
Ins
Covet it; I hope, Madam, you will rob the Ladies of all
their Sparks, and
the whole Gallantry of the Court be
made to you.
Lucin
Nay, if your Lordship Glories in my Conquests, fear
not, they shall
be numerous, I never fail’d when I
endeavour’d it.
Ins
That’s true, for my hearts your prize, which, by the
Muses, is a Trophy
not to be despised.
La. Temp
Gervatio, where’s the Ladies.
Gerv
Faith, Madam, my young Lady is commiting Matrimony, I
believe,
that sweet meat that’s commonly attended
with sowre sawce.
La. Temp
Is she so, much Joy I wish her.
Gerv
I must to my old Master, get him to set his hand to
these, and
then I think this head has brought wonders
to pass.
Ins
Who is my Rival, some ill-drest Fellow I’ll lay my life on’t.
Lucin
Even that robust piece of rudeness that accosted
your Lordship so
odly, Count Fidelio.
Ins
He, he, he, they are well matched, by the Muses, I
believe neither of
’em understand the
French way of dressing so well as the
Groom of my Horses,
he, he, he.
Lucin
Ariana always ridicul’d it, which
has often broke Friendship between
us.
Ins
Heavens, if I had married her, what a world of labour
wou’d it have
cost me to have modell’d her for the
drawing room at Versailles,
whilst you,
my dear, at first sight will appear
the abstract of Perfection.
Lucin
My Lord, you make me blush, but I shall now take
unusual care in
my dress, that your Lordship may
think me agreeable.
Ins
Happy man, happy man, as ever put on the yoke of Matrimony.
Fid
Ha, my Lord Insulls, your very
humble Servant, this is too transporting
an hour to
remember anger, now the dear Ariana’s
mine, our Quarrel dies.
Ins
I wish you Joy with her, I am provided as much to my
satisfaction, be pleased
to know the Duke’s
Neice for my Wife.
Aria
Lucinda, the Dukes Neice.
La. Temp
[Aside to Ariana] Hold
dear Ariana, spoil not this day’s
Mirth
with a discovery, he’ll know it soon enough;
besides, I’ll make thee, poor Girl,
worth more than
that Fool deserves.
Aria
I beg your Pardon, I am dumb.
Madam, we must humour the greatness it seems.
Oliv
With all my Heart.
Ins
This is their Venetian breeding to whisper
half an hour: Poyson me,
my
dear, if the very sight on’t is not enough to
spoil a Man.
Oliv
Joy to your honour, I thought you wou’d not have ventured
to have
changed your condition so suddenly.
Ins
Your Ladyship might consider the Man, and that would
take your Wonder
off.
Fid
Was ever any such Vanity.
Bond
Then you say you’ve obtained I may walk about my
House till further
order.
Gerv
Yes, my Lord.
Bond
[sees the Company] Heyday, who
have we here, nothing but meeting
and revelling, this
is a time indeed for Mirth!
Ins
Old Gentleman, I am married, but not to thy Daughter, and
for that
reason will be merry in spite of thy beard.
Fid
[Ariana
kneeling] And I am married to her, and for that
happiness
shall be for ever joyfull.
Bond
Trick’d, Ruin’d, Undone; hold, not ruin’d neither, he has
ne’er a
Drachma, nor none he shall have.
Gerv
Then I must interpose; if you have no Bowels for
such a sweet young
Couple, I have had; my Lord
Fidelio, here’s the value of fifty
thousand Crowns,
come, that will make a shift till
the old man pops aside, or something better
happens.
Bond
Betray’d by Gervatio, I will run
mad, I will grow distracted quickly.
Oliv
My Lord, if you did but see how ill such starts of
passion suit your
age, sure you wou’d forbear.
Fid
Think, my Lord, my want of fortune may be made up in
tenderness
towards your Daughter, and duty towards
your self.
La. Temp
Come, come, my Lord, the Senate, no doubt, when they
see him
married to Ariana, will
honour him with places of trust and profit, a rising
Man seldom wants a hand to help him higher.
Bond
Let me consider, all in this room have been my Foes, I
think, every
individual Person, for what cause,
even because I have been a cross stingy
old
Captious fellow, but henceforth I’ll throw it away as
fast as the best of
ye; Alas, I had forgot, I have
nothing but Misfortunes, and am a wretched
Prisoner
Condemned to Shame and Poverty.
Gerv
All those afflictions I’ll take off upon condition
you’ll forgive your
worthy Son and Daughter.
Bond
Do this, and we all are Friends.
Gerv
Then my Lord, be satisfied, the Duke nor Senate know
nothing of
your deceit, ’twas only a Contrivance of
your humble Servant to oblige this
young Lord and my
Charming Mistress.
Bond
Well, thou hast proved a great Rogue, but I’ll keep my word.
Fid
Then I hope we shall not kneel again in vain.
Bond
No, take my Blessing, and as you prove, an Addition
to her Fortune.
Fid
I have all my heart covets.
Aria
And my future life shall make amends for venturing
once to disobey
my Father.
La. Temp
Now all’s well, I hope the Musick I ordered will come
that we
may conclude our Joys with a Dance.
Ins
By all means, let us have Musick that I may have the
pleasure to see my
Lucinda
trip like a Fairy.
Oliv
My Lord, as this is a general Jubilee, I hope I shall
partake it, and heart
burnings being laid aside we
henceforth may live more quietly.
Bond
Yes, yes, according to your deportment, thou hast been!
Uh, uh, but
I have promised to say no more.
Fid
Gervatio, I will always call thee
Friend, and serve thee with my Life
and Fortunes.
Aria
Nor will I forget to esteem and reward thee.
Gerv
I hope you will say I have proved a well-meaning man to
all, and
my old Master forgive me.
Bond
Aye, aye, that I will for fear thou shouldst play me any more tricks.
Lucin
Here’s the Musick.
Bond
Now let’s in and taste a Glass of Wine, I want some
comfort after all
my frights.
And may my Fate to each a warning give,
How they e’er love or practice to deceive;
For tho’ they prosper and their Cheat’s believ’d
With ease you see deceivers are deceiv’d,
The End.
Epilogue.
Spoken by Miss Bradshaw.
I’m sent a small Embassadress for Grace,
If there was power in such a Childish face:
Who knows but artless innocence may move,
And looks unpractic’d sometimes catch your Love.
Suppose it so, ’tis now, alass, too late,
Your liking me wards not the blow of fate.
A begging Epilogue’s a despairing Case;
’Tis asking mercy when the doom is past.
Part of this Play though stoln was lately shown,
And what was once expos’d to this Lewd Town
Tho’ twere improv’d with you ’twill scarce go down.
Yet ’twould be no[Gap in transcription—1 characterflawed-reproduction] or not [Gap in transcription—2 charactersflawed-reproduction] be severe,
And what has been unjustly rifled spare;
For my sake use her kindly once again,
Pray do, you good natured, fine, pretty Men,
Come, I shall grow a Woman e’er ’t be long,
’Tis but a little while we are too young;
And if Heaven on my youth does Charms bestow,
I’ll lay out all the s[Gap in transcription—1-2 charactersflawed-reproduction]ck in pleasing you.
Let our wrong’d Author in your Favour shine,
And when you wish it, you shan’t fail of mine.
Epilogue:
Design’d for Mr. Verbruggen.
Now Britain’s raging wars are at an end,
Caesar adorns the Throne he did defend;
Eternal Peace is fix’d, and all things smile,
To Crown the happy blessings of our Isle:
From hence, we have encouragement to expect,
The Stage with nobler off’rings shall be deck’d;
For in past Ages Peace did Wit create,
And Poets flourish’d equal to the state.
’Twas when the great Augustus rul’d in Peace
And all mankind from his enjoyn’d sweet ease:
Ovid’s soft genius first began to please.
’Twas then the Lyrick Horace, Son of Fame,
Compil’d his works, immortal as his Name,
Soft case and quiet fancy did infuse,
And Rome’s blest state gave Birth to Virgil’s Muse.
Oh, may our state like that produce such Men,
That from the crop of their luxuriant Pen,
Succeeding Ages may for ever glean.
Criticks their nature then shall alter quite
And what they fain would damn shall praise in spite
Poets no more in humble lines shall sue
And creep and cringe to steal applause from you,
Nor beg for Favour where no Favour’s due:
No more shall sense in fustian lines be lost,
Nor dullness flourish at the Actor’s cost.
Authors shall write with fancy unconfin’d
To Copy Nature and reform Mankind,
Then Wit and sense shall here for ever dwell,
And Britain’s Stage shall Athen’s far excel.
Finis.