The Actors Names.
The Lord Widower.
Sir William Lovewell, and the Lady Hypocondria his wife.
Sir Henry Sage, and the Lady Chastity his wife.
Sir Edward Courtly, and the Lady Jealousie his wife.
Sir Humphrey Disagree, and the Lady Disagree his wife.
Sir Thomas Cuckold, and the Lady Wanton his wife.
Sir Timothy Spendall, and the Lady Poverty his wife.
Sir John Dotard, and the Lady Driping his wife.
Sir Francis Inconstant, and the Lady Inconstant his wife.
Sir James Hearty, the Lady Inconstants Father.
Monsieur Amorous.
Monsieur Disguise.
The Lady Sprightly, the Lord Widowers Daughter.
The Lady Procurer.
Mistris Forsaken, afterwards named Monsieur Disguise.
Mistris Single, sister to the Lady Jealousie.
Doll
Subtilty,
the Lady
Sprightly’s Chambermaid: Also a Waiting-
Gentlewoman.
Nan
Lightheel,
the
Lady Jealousies Maid, and likewise a
Waiting-
Gentlewoman.
Joan Cry-out,
the Lady
Hypocondria’s Chamber-maid, and likewise
a Waiting-Gentlewoman.
Briget Greasy,
Sir John Dottards
Kitchin maid, and two other
Maids of his.
Three Maid-servants of the Lady Poverty’s.
Two or three Maid-servants of the Lady Disagree’s.
A Maid-servant to the Lady Inconstant.
Nic Adviser, Sir Francis Inconstants man.
Roger Trusty, Sir William Lovewels man.
A Serving-man of Sir James Hearty’s.
A Skipper.
Doctors and others.
Steward.
The first Part of the Play, called the
Matrimonial Trouble.
A Comedy.
Act I.
Scene 1.
Enter Sir Francis Inconstant, and Mistris Forsaken.Sir Fran. Incon
When I forsake you, let Heaven forsake my
Soul.
Mistris Forsaken
I do not doubt you: for if I did, I could
not love you; and whilst I love you, I cannot doubt you.
Inconstant
O how it wounds my heart to part from you!
my Thoughts are tortur’d, and my Mind is set upon a melancholy
Rack.
Forsaken
Since your Journey cannot be conveniently avoided, I will please
my self with the hopes of your sudden Return.
Inconstant
Farewel, sweet Mistris, Death is the worst of Nature, and
your Absence the worst of Fortune.
Scene 2.
Enter Master Thrifty the Steward, and Briget Greasy theCook-maid.
Briget Greasy
Good Master Steward, give Order for some Beef-suet to
be brought in: for there is not any left in the House, and I
must make a
Venison-pasty; and if I should temper my Pasty all with butter, you would
be angry.
Thrifty
Why, cannot you take some of the fat from the Beef-broth for
your Crust?
Briget
Yes, if every one that eat of it had as fresh a mouth as you, or loved
drink so well as you do, it would serve, otherwise it would be too salt for
their palats; besides, I am to make puddings in guts.
Thrifty
If they prove as the last you made, the dogs may eat them:
Ooooo2
for
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424
for the guts stunk so much, as no man could eat any of them.
Briget
I’m sure ’twas your fault, in that you did not bring me wherewithall
to make them, until such time as the guts began to putrifie.
Thrifty
No, no, you are a Slut, and did not take all the dung out of them,
nor wash, nor scrape, nor cleanse them as they should have been & but you
order the guts, as you do the dishes, the one is dungy, the other greasie & besides,
my Master complains, that his Fowl taste rank, and his Brawn Tasts
strong, and his Beef tastes musty, and that’s because you are so lazy, as not to
shift your Brawn into fresh Sousing-drink, nor make the brine strong enough
in the powdring-tub, nor thrust your fingers far enough into the Fowls rumps,
to draw them clean; besides, when they are roasted, they are as dry as a
chip, for want of basting-butter; besides, your sluttery is such, as you will
poyson all the House: for in one place I find a piece of butter, and a greasie
comb, full of nitty hairs lying by it; and in another place flour and old-worn
stockings, the feet being rotted off with sweat; and in a third place, a dish
of cold meat cover’d with a foul smock, and your durty shooes (for the most
part) stand upon the Dresser-board, where you lay the hot meat; besides,
by your carelesness you do waste and spoil so much, as it is
unsufferable; for
you will fling whole ladlefuls of dripping into the fire, to make the fire blaze
underneath the pot; and because you have not the profit of the Kitchin-
stuff, you will never scrape the Dresser-board, nor Dripping-pans, nor lick
the Platters, Trays, or Scummers, Frying-pans, Skillets, Gridirons, Spits,
Ladles, Kettles, or any of the Kitchin-vessels, as you should doe, but wash
them all with hot water at first, without taking off the grease beforehand.
Briget
Well, if you do not like me, pray pay me my wages, and I will
be gone: I’m sure I never serv’d in any place for so small wages and few vails
as in this service: I’m sure ’tis no ways beneficial to me.
Thrifty
I’m sure you’l make it beneficial one way or another: for you
have your female Factors that lie abroad, to whom you send Commodities
by your She-porters, that come hither every day to transport them. Thus
you traffique upon my Masters Cost, and my Reputation: for I am thought
the worse of either, as believing I am a false Steward, or a negligent one.
Thus a True man is thought a Knave: for by your stealing I am thought a
Thief.
Briget
You are a base man for saying I steal, I never was accounted a
Thief in my life, but always trusty and true, in what Service soever I lived.
Then enters her Master Sir John Dotard, and looks
earnestly upon her, and then speaks as to himself.
Dotard
She’s a pretty Wench, if she had but clean clothes
on, by Venus
she would be very handsome; a Silk Gown would
make her a rare Beauty;
her Tears fall on her Nose and Cheeks like
gentle showers of rain on Roses
and Lillies sweet. O she is a heavenly Creature!
He speaks to her.
Sweet-heart, where do you live?
Briget
In your Worships House.
Dottard
And whose servant are you?
Briget
Your Worships.
Dotard
How long have you served me?
Briget
A Quarter, and’t please your Worship.
Dotard
In what place serve you?
Briget
In the Kitchin, an’t please you.
Dotard
What makes you cry?
Briget
Your Worships Steward hath wrong’d me.
Dotard
How hath he wrong’d thee?
Briget
He says I stole your Worships Kithin-stuff, when the Gods know
I am as innocent as the child that is newly born.
Dotard
He is a Knave for saying so, and I will have him turn’d out of his
Authority for saying so: wherefore cry no more, fair Maid; for thou shalt
be preferr’d to a higher Office.
Briget
I thank your Worship.
Scene 23.
Enter Mistris Forsaken, and a Gentleman.Forsaken
Sir, did you come lately from Changeland?
Gentlem
Yes Lady.
Forsaken
Pray did you not see a Gentlemoan
in that Country, named Sir
Francis Inconstant?
Gentlem
I am very well acquainted with him, Lady: for he is my most
noble Friend.
Forsaken
I hope he is well.
Gentlem
So well, Madam, as he is resolv’d to marry.
Forsaken
That he might do; if it were for no other reason, but for a Nurse
to tend him, if he should chance to be sick.
Gentlem
By your favour, Lady, it were dangerous for a sick man to be
maried, especially to a fair young Lady.
Forsaken
But pray, Sir, is he to marry a Lady in that Country?
Gentlem
So he told me.
Forsaken
Did he tell you so himself?
Gentlem
Yes Madam, I had it first from his own mouth.
Forsaken
Is she handsome?
Gentlem
Truly I did not see her.
Forsaken
I she rich Sir?
Gentlem
Truly I heard not what portion she had; but I suppose if she had
been rich, her wealth would have made her famous.
Forsaken
Nor you have not heard whether she is discreet, or witty, nor
of what humour she is?
Gentlem
No indeed, Lady, I heard not any body speak of her but himself,
and that was only, That he was to marry a young Lady in that City he
was in, and that he thought would be the cause to perswade him to settle in
that Country.
Forsaken
How long a time is required to go to that place where he is?
Gentlem
According as the wind is: If the wind be good, twelve hours
Ppppp
sail
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426
sail will land a passenger, and some eight hours riding from the shore, will
bring them to the City.
Forsaken
Will you please to walk in and rest your self?
Scene 4.
Enter two servant-maids of Sir John Dotards.1 Maid
Lord, there is such a quarrel about the falling out of Briget
Greasie and Master Steward, as it is wonderful: for
my Master chides,
Briget cries, and Master Steward maintains his words, as they do so offend
and misprove, as you would bless your self.
2 Maid
I will go listen, and hear them.
Scene 5.
Enter the Lord Widower, and Doctors.Lord
My Wife, Master Doctor, is very ill.
Doctor
She is so: for her Disease is not to be cured, my Lord; for
we cannot restore the decays of vital parts: for as they consume, life draws
towards an end.
Lord
But pray do your endeavour to prolong her likfe as long as you can.
Doctor
We shall, my Lord, to the utmost of our skill. Your Lorships
humble servant.
Enter Dol Subtilty, the Ladies Chamber-maid.
Dol Subtilty
My Lady desires to speak with your Lordship.
Lord
And I desire to speak with your Ladiship.
Subtilty
I am ready to hear your Lordships commands.
Lord
And are you as ready to obey them?
Subtilty
Yes, so far as my duty doth oblige me.
Lord
Well, then pray do not forget when you are call’d to pay that duty
where you owe it.
Scene 6.
Enter Mistris Forsaken alone.Mistris Forsaken
If this News could deprive me of my life, it would have
made me happy; but it hath almost depriv’d me of my Reason, and
quite from my Patience, which makes me miserable, and Misery is worse
than Death: for Death is a cessation of pain, and Misery a torment of life:
But if this Report be true, I will lay more
curses on his head, than a long penitenial
life shall be able to take off.
Scene 7.
Enter the two Maids of Sir John Dotard.1 Maid
Lord, Briget is so proud since she is preferr’d to be my Masters
Laundry-maid, as she will touch none but my Masters linnen.
2 Maid
She is become very fine upon her preferment: I am sure it is not
five or ten pound wages that will or can maintain her at that rate she goes:
for she hath had, to my knowledge, two new pair of shooes within three
weeks of each other; whereupon I told her, that the shooes that she cast by,
would be very strong and serviceable, if they were cobled; and her Answer
was, what, did I think she would wear cobled shooes? I told her, why not
now, as well as she did? for she us’d to send her shooes to be cobled three
or four times over, and her wastcoat to be patch’d, and her petticoats to be
new-border’d, and her stockings to be heel’d, as the rest of us did; and I
knew of no Lands that had befallen her, and therefore she may doe the
same still.
1 Maid
And what said she then?
2 Maid
She bid me meddle with my own matters, and not meddle with
her; and I dare not offend her, for fear I should be turn’d away: nay she is
so proud, as she turns her head aside when
Richard the Carter comes to
kiss
her, and she strives to shun his company, when once within a short time,
she would make haste to wash her dishes, that she might have time to sit in
Richards Lap, and there they would
sit colling and kissing until the sea-coal-
fire was burn’d out.
2 Maid
But now she sits in a better seat.
Scene 8.
Enter Mistris Forsaken in mans Apparel, naming her selfMonsieur Disguise.
Monsieur Disguise
I cannot believe he will prove so false and perjurious,
but this Disguise, I hope, will bring me to discover the Truth: And if
he be false, for his sake may all the Masculine Sex be slaves to the Effeminate
Sex, not bound by Love, but by base servile fear; may they long after the
power, but never get it; may women govern the World, and when they
command, the men dare not disobey, and be despis’d for their reward; may
their Jealousies disturb their Rest, their Cares increase their Labours; may
they work like Horses, fawn like Dogs, and bear like Asses. But if he be
constant, may all the Masculine Sex be bless’d for his sake; may all women
desire, admire, and love him; may Pleasure imbrace him, Health preserve
him, and Time attend him; may he be arm’d with Power, crown’d with
Peace, and all Obedience bow to his command; may the sound but of his
Name bring joy to all hearts; may all be pleas’d for his Birth, pray for his
Life, and fear his Death; may good Fortune trace his ways, whilst he rides
upon the wings of a glorious Fame.
Scene 9.
Enter Sir Francis Inconstant, as in another Country, with hisnew Mistris.
Inconstant
Sweet Mistris, you are the Elixar of Beauty: all other women
are as unrefin’d metal, like base coyn.
New Mistris
Whilst I am unmarry’d you’l flatter me; but when I am
your Wife, you will change your complemental discourse to quarrelling disputes,
or insulting commands.
Inconstant
O never, never, your Eye shall direct all my Actions, your
Commands shall rule my Life, and your Pleasures shall be my onely Delight.
Scene 10.
Enter Sir James Hearty and his Man.Hearty
Here, take this Note, that you may not forget the Guests that
are to be invited to my Daughters Wedding.
The man takes the Note, and looks on it.
Can
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429
Can you read it?
Man
I cannot tell Sir.
Hearty
Let me hear if you can, or not.
Man
- Imprimis, Sir William Lovewell, and the Lady Hypocondria his Wife.
- Item Sir Henry Sage, and the Lady Chastity his Wife.
- Item Sir Edward Courtly, and
the Lady Jealousie his
Wife, and Mistris Jane
Single her Sister. - Item Sir Thomas Cuckold, and the Lady Wanton his Wife.
- Item Sir Humphry Disagree, and the Lady Disagree his Wife.
- Item Sir Timothy Spendall, and the Lady Poverty his Wife.
- Item the Lady Procurer.
- Item Monsieur Amorous.
Hearty
Well read, well read: As for the Lord Widower, I know he will
not come: for I hear his Lady is newly dead. This is the Nature of the
World, some marry, and some die.
Man
Troth Sir, of the two Evils, I think it is better to die than to
marry.
Hearty
I am not of your mind: for I had rather have a ruddy, plain, soft
Wench to be my Bed-fellow, than pale, grim, lean, numb, cold Death. But
go your way about this Imployment, the whilst I will give direction for the
Entertainment.
Scene 11.
Enter the Lord Widower, and the Lady Sprightly his Eldest
Daughter, and other small Children, and Doll Subtilty, all
weeping.
Lord
We have a reason to weep: for you my Children, have lost a good
Mother, and I a loving Wife, and her servants a kind Lady; but we
cannot alter Heavens Decrees: wherefore we must take comfort in what
is, and not grieve for what cannot be helpt: And
now, Daughter Sprightly,
you must be as my Wife, Friend, and Daughter all in one: for as your Mother
did, when she had health, govern my Family, so must you now she is
dead; and you must take care of your young Brothers and Sisters, and Heaven
will reward thee with a good Husband and Children of your own: And
as for her Maid here, who hath taken great pains all the time of your Mothers
sickness, ought to be rewarded for her care: wherefore, Daughter, let
her wait upon you, as she did upon your Mother.
Doll Subtilty
I thank your Lordship.
Scene 12.
Enter all the Bridal Guests, and pass over the Stage, as thorougha Room.
Scene 13.
Enter Monsieur Disguise, as from the sea.Monsieur Disguise
Surely the Fates have conspired against me, the winds
were so cross, just like men, sometimes for us, and sometimes against
us.
Enter a Skipper.
Have you found out the Gentlemans lodging?
Skipper
Yes Sir.
Disguise
And was he at home?
Skipper
He hath that which will invite him to stay at home, and keep him
from wandring abroad for some time Sir.
Disguise
What’s that?
Skipper
A fair Wife Sir: for a drunken Serving-man told me that one Sir
Francis Inconstant had maried his Masters Daughter, and that the Wedding-
Feast would continue a Week, if not a Fortnight.
Disguise
And was the man drunk who told you so?
Skipper
Yes surely: he seem’d so to me.
Disguise
Then (perchance) he might tell you a lye.
Skipper
He was not so drunk, but that he might tell a truth.
Disguise
Prethee Friend do me one favour more, and then I will pay thee
for thy pains.
Skipper
What you please to command me Sir.
Disguise
Then inquire for a mans-Tailor, to make me some Cloaths: for
I am not Accoutred fit for a Bridal House.
Skipper
I shall Sir.
Scene 14.
Enter two Maids of Sir John Dotards.1 Maid
’Faith I will go and inquire out a new service: for I will never
he box’d by my fellow-servant that was, although now she is prefer’d
to be House-keeper.
2 Maid
How came the quarrel betwixt you?
1 Maid
Why now, forsooth, she is come to Order and to Rectifie, she’s
not only grown light-finger’d, but fine finger’d, as to touch nothing that is
not
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431
not bright-scour’d, nor then neither, without her gloves; and she calld for
a candle and a candlestick to carry into my Masters Chamber, and I for haste
run up with the candle, and forgot the candlestick, and had left it behind me:
when I came, what, said, she, do you bring a candle without a candlestick? Alas
said I, I have forgot it; but hold you the candle, said I, and I will run and
fetch the stick straight, and so I put the candle into her hand: with that, she
up with her hand, and gave me a box on the ear, what, said she, do you give
me a greasie candle to hold? I will teach you more manners, said she, against
the next time: I being heated at the blow she gave me, told her, that she had
forgot since the Mouse bit her greasie face when she was asleep, taking it for
a candles-end, or a piece of bacon: with that, she flew upon me, and I
at her, where in the combat we made such a noise, as my Master came forth
of his Chamber, and parted us, and then he bid me get me out of his house,
but kiss’d her, and pray’d her to pacifie her anger, and not to distemper her
self with a rude wench as I was.
2 Maid
And what said she then?
1 Maid
Why she told my Master I was a naughty Baggage, a dirty Slut,
a base Whore, and all the ill names she could; but I will not suffer this, for
I will be gone.
2 Maid
Nay, let us stay until we are provided of other Services.
Scene 15.
Enter Monsieur Disguise alone.Monsieur Disguise
And is he maried! O that I could pull out that part
of my Brain which imprints his memory! For the wrongs he hath done
me are so great and heavy, as I wish I could unload my Soul, and build a Pyramide
of Curses, that may stand as a mark of his Infamy.
She studies a little time, then speaks.
I had rather banish my self, than live in disgrace in my own Countrey.
Exit.
Act II.
Scene. 16.
Enter the Lord Widower, and Doll Subtilty.Subtilty
’Faith, my Lord, your Daughter is so jealous of me, as she sayes
I am always in your Lordships Chamber.
Lord
Why so thou art most commonly, although not always.
Subtilty
But yet it is not fit Children should examine their Parents actions;
and it were an indiscretion in Parents to allow of it.
Lord
She is young, she is young.
Subtilty
Wherefore your Lordship should have a care to have her prudently
govern’d; and if she be too young to govern her self, how can she govern
so great a Family as your Lordships is?
Lord
O she hath but the name, my Steward governs all.
Subtilty
Yes; but the Mistris of the House governs the Steward, and the
Steward give Orders as an inferiour Officer, delivering the Superiours
commands.
Lord
You say true: wherefore you that have some more experience,
should counsel her.
Subtilty
O, my Lord, ’tis not manners for me to give her counsel, neither
will she take it from me: for when I humbly offer her my Advice, she checks
me, and threatens to turn me away.
Lord
Doth she so? But I will have her to take
counsel, and to know she
is too young to order after her own childish fancy.
Subtilty
Indeed, my Lord, she wants years, which should make her experienc’d.
Sweet child, she is fitter to dress Babies, and order a Closet, than
govern a great Family, which is a little Common-wealth.
Lord
Well, I will order her otherwise.
Scene 17.
Enter the Bride, the Bridegroom, Sir James Hearty, and all theBridal Guests. Then enters a servant to the Bridegroom Sir
Francis Inconstant.
Servant
Sir there is a young Gentleman desires to speak with your Worship.
Inconstant
What manner of man is he?
Servant
A sweet-fac’d young man, by my Troth Sir.
Inconstant
Of what Country seems he to be?
Servant
Of your own Countrey, Sir.
Inconstant
Direct him in.
Disguise
Sir, I was commanded by a young Lady to give you this Letter.
much troubled.
Inconstant
She writes as if she were dying when she writ this letter.
Disguise
She was dying indeed: for the last act she did, was to give me
this letter; and the last words she spoke were, Pray see this letter safe convey’d,
and so she dy’d.
Lady Inconstant
What makes you so pale on a sudden, Husband?
Sir Fran. Incon
I am not well, and therefore I must goe to my Chamber;
but pray Sweet-heart stay you here, lest my being ill should disturb our
Guests.
Lady Inconstant
Do you think I can entertain them if you be sick?
Sir Fran. Incon
I am not so sick as to be nurs’d, although not so well as to
delight in company: for I am rather melancholy, than any other way distemper’d.
Lady Inconst
What makes you melancholy?
Sir Fran. Incon
Why a dear Friend of mine is dead.
He sighs a great sigh.
But Sweet-heart, pray excuse me to the company, and pry let this Gentleman,
my noble Friend, be well-treated.
Lady Inconst
I shall obey your command.
Sir Jam. Hearty
What, is my Son-in-law gone?
Lady Inconst
Sir he desires you and the rest of the company would excuse
him: for he hath heard of the death of a Friend, which makes him so
melancholy, as he saith that his dull and indispos’d humour would disturb
the mirth of our noble Friends.
Sir Jam. Hearty
’Tis a sign he is young, that he is so tender-natur’d, and
so soft-hearted, to mourn and grieve for those that die; but when he comes
to Age, he will only commend his friends that are dead, but not grieve for
them: for Pity wears out, as Age increases.
Lady Inconst
Pray Sir let me intreat you to be one of our Guests.
Disguise
You shall command me, Lady.
Sir Tho. Cuckold
Nay, since the Gentleman hath brought such Newes as
hath banished the Bridegroom from the Company, he shall now supply his
place.
Sir Hum. Disagree
Soft Sir, he may at the Board, but not in his Bed.
Sir Hen. Courtly
He looks so modestly, as if he would play the part of a
Bride rather than a Bridegroom.
Disguise
Lady, will you accept of my modest service?
Lady Inconst
Sir, I must not refuse Modesty.
Scene 18.
Enter two Maid-servants of Sir John Dotards.1 Maid
’Tis no wonder that Briget Greasie is so proud now, being maried
to my Master, he having made her a Lady. Lord, Lord, to see
the fortune that some have over others: why, if my Master would have maried
one of his Maids, he might have chosen a prettier wench amongst any of
us all than she is.
2 Maid
Yes ’faith: for she was thought the veriest Puss of us all; for she
is neither snout-fair, nor well-shap’d; she hath splay-feet, and chilblain-
heels.
1 Maid
Nay all will grant she was the dirtiest slut in the House: for there
was never a man-servant but would cry so at her when they kiss’d her; besides,
she was the veriest fool amongst us: But Lord, what Wealth and Honour
will do! for now she is Lady, she looks as if she never wash’d a dish,
or scour’d a kettle or spit.
2 Maid
But I wonder how she came to be his Wife, she might have served
as her Betters have done before her: I am
sure there was Nan, a pretty
pert, cleanly Maid, who was kind, and willing to do any thing, either to serve
our Master, or fellow servants.
1 Maid
O but Nan had not an old woman that us’d to come to her to get
suet and scraps, as
Briget had; and this old woman,
they say, counsell’d Briget
to seem nice and coy.
2 Maid
I wonder what Richard the Carter will say, who was turned out
of his service, because he should not share with my Master.
1 Maid
’Faith I hear d that
Richard was told of her
Advancement, and ’tis
said he laugh’d, and said my Master had a hungry stomach, that he could
feed of his leavings; but by his Troth he was glad she was become a Lady:
for now he could say he had kiss’d and courted a Lady as well as the best
Gallant of them all.
Scene 19.
Enter the Lord Widower, and the Laddy Sprightly hisDaughter.
Lord
Daughter, although you do govern my Family very well for your
years, yet you are young, and wanting Experience, may be cozened;
and though I have a great Estate, yet it will be all consum’d, if Order and
Method be not put into practice: wherefore I would have you take the
counsel of Mistris Dorothy Subtilty, to assist you.
Lady
Who is that, my Lord?
Lord
Why, do not you know her? she that waited on your Mother.
Lady
Pardon me, my Lord, I did not know her by that Title: for she was
plain Dol Subtilty when she
waited on my Mother, and not knowing of her advancementvancement
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435
from a Chambermaid to a Gentlewoman, I might easily misstake;
besides, she is not so much older, as to have much more experience than my
self: perchance she may have more craft, which was learned her in her poverty,
than I, who have been bred at the Horn of Plenty, that knew no scarcity,
nor sharking necessity.
Lord
You have a sharp tongue when spight moves it; but let me hear no
more of these words, but do as I command you.
Lady
I never disobey’d you as I do know.
Lord
Well, no more words.
Scene 20.
Enter the Bride, and all the Bridal Guests; they dance, and MonsieurDisguise dances with the Bride. Sir Spendall seems to
whisper Monsieur Disguise in the Ear, being half drunk.
Spendall
Sir, but that you look more like a woman than a man, you
might give the Bridegroom more cause to be melancholy for the living
than the dead; but let me intreat you, young Gentleman, that you strike not
his Head, as your News hath done his Heart: for I perceive the Brides eyes
are fix’d upon you, and from the root of a fix’d eye grows Horns, when they
are set in a maried Head.
Disguise
There is no fear.
Spendall
Yes Sir, as long as there are doubts, there are fears.
Disguise
There is no doubt Sir.
Spendall
But that she will be Sir.
Disguise
What, Sir?
Spendall
What you please Sir; and let me tell you, young Gentleman,
that as long as there are women, there will be Lovers and Cuckolds.
Disguise
And let me tell you, Sir, that as long as there are men, there will
be Fools and Drunkards.
Lady Inconstant
Sir, I doubt we have invited you rather to your trouble,
than your delight.
Disguise
Madam, you are the Treasure of Pleasure and Delight;
which none can receive but from your Bounty, nor enjoy but by your
Favour.
Scene 21.
Enter the Lady Sprightly, and Dol Subtilty.Lady Sprightly
What had you to do to contradict my commands?
Dol Subtilty
They were not fit to be obey’d, wherefore they were
forbid.
Lady
There, take that, to remember I forbid you to forbid my commands.
Dol
I will declare your blows to some that shall revenge me.
Lord
What, are you so light-finger’d? ’Tis time to get you a Husband,
to govern and rule your high spirit.
Lady
No, pray Sir get me no Husband: for if my Father takes part against
me, surely a Husband will be worse natur’d.
Lord
So, you will say I am unnatural.
Lady
No Sir, I only say it is not my undutifulness that displeases you,
but some that hath more wit than I, or at least good fortune to please you
better.
Lord
Well, pray study your Book and
Work, and leave the Houshold
Affairs to my disposal.
Lady
Sir, I took the Office, as my duty to your commands, not for Delight,
Pleasure, Ease, or Profit, and I shall surrender it up again upon the
same account, and with all the trouble, care, labour, vexations and disquiets
belonging thereunto.
Lord
In doing so, you will do very well.
Scene 22.
Enter the Lady Hypocondria as being frightly sick, and her HusbandSir William Lovewell.
Lovewell
Heaven bless you wife, what makes you so extremely pale, and
to seem so affrighted?
Hypocon
O Husband I have an Imposthume broken within me, and the bag
will rise and choke me.
Lovewell
Heaven forbid.
Hypocon
O I am choak’d, I am choak’d, I cannot fetch my breath.
in a great fright calls for help. Enter some
servants.
Lovewell
O send for Doctors strait: for my wife is ready to die.
his Wife sits in, trembling and quaking.
Lovewell
How are you, dear Wife? how do you feel your self now?
how are you?
Hypocondria
O very ill; but yet me thinks I can fetch my breath a little
better
Sssss1r
437
better than I could, I believe the Imposthume-bag is fallen down: wherefore
I will go to bed.
Lovewell
Pray do Wife.
Exeunt.
Scene 23.
Enter Sir Henry Sage, and the Lady Chastity his Wife.Sage
Sweet-heart, I was in your Bed-chamber, and in your Cabinet-
chamber, and missing you in both, I was afraid I must have been forc’d
to have hir’d a Cryer, to have proclamed my loss.
Chastity
Many a Wife doth proclame her Husbands loss without the help
of a Cryer: for the Wives Adulterous Acts proclame her Husband a Cucold,
and the loss of his Honour.
Sage
But I am not afraid of that: for I am confident of thy Chastity (although
the old saying is, “Confidence makes Cuckolds”.)
Chastity
Your confidence of me shall never harm you.
Sage
But your too serious studies will harm your health; and if you be
sick, I cannot be well; besides, it will decay your Beauty, waste your Youth,
like Oyl spent in a melancholy lamp, where Life is always blinking.
Chastity
It were better that my Body should be sick, than my Mind idle;
by Beauty decay, than my Understanding perish; by Youth waste, than my
Fame lost; my Life blinking, than my Honour sinking: for an idle Mind,
not well imploy’d, creates a restless body, which runs from place to place,
and hates to be at home. Thus Mind and Body both being out, extravagant
Words and Actions run about, and Riot keeps possession.
And though the Beauty withers and decays,
Yet Wit and Wisedome with the ruine stays:
And if the Youth doth waste, and Life’s Oyl’s spent,
Yet Fame lasts long, and builds a Monument:
A melancholy life doth shadows cast,
But sets forth Virtue, if they are well plac’d,
Then who would entertain an idle Mirth,
Begot by Vanity, and dies in scorn?
Or proud, or pleas’d with Beauty, when the Birth
Becomes the Grave or Tomb as soon as born?
But Wisedome wishes to be old and glad,
When youthful Follies die, which seem as mad:
If Age is subject to repent what’s past,
Prudence and Experience redeems what’s lost.
Sage
I perceive, Wife, the Muses have kept you company, although you
walk by your self; but now I desire you will leave their
company for a time,
and entertain mine.
Chastity
With all my heart; but the Muses are never with me, but when
you are imploy’d about serious Affairs: for though they are my Visiters; yet
they are your Domestick Servants.
Scene 24.
Enter Sir Humphrey Disagree, and his Wife the Lady Disagree.Lady Disagree
Dear Husband, where have you been?
Sir Hum. Disagree
My dear kind Wife, I have been in the Garden,
where I have heard little Robin Red-breast sing.
Lady Disagree
That’s a sign, Sweet-heart, we shall have warm weather,
otherwise they would come into the House.
Sir Hum. Disag
I had rather believe, my pretty Bird, we shall have cold
weather: for they sing always in the coldest time of the year, as in the depth
of Winter.
Lady Disagree
How ignorantly you speak, good Husband, as if the Robin
Redbrest sings onely in the cold Winter, and not in the warm Summer
as well?
Sir Hum. Disagree
Why not, good Wife, as well as Nightingals, which
only sing in the Spring, and Swallows in the heat of Summer?
Lady Disagree
That doth not prove that the Robbin doth not sing in
Summer.
Sir Hum. Disag
I have never heard the Robbin sing in Summer.
Lady Disagree
Your never hearing of it, is not sufficient proof.
Sir Hum. Disag
It is to me.
Lady Disagree
To say it is, without a Reason, proves a Fool.
Sir Hum. Disag
I only prov’d my self a Fool in marying you.
Lady Disagree
I was accurst when first I gave consent to be your Wife.
Sir Hum. Disag
You were easily won.
Lady Disagree
What, because I consented to a Knave that wooed?
Sir Hum. Disag
You are a false woman, for calling me a Knave.
Lady Disagree
You are a Cuckold, for calling me false.
Sir Hum. Disag
Am I so, Mistris? I will be sure to thrust my Horns thorough
your Heart.
him, he gets a cushion and flings at her, and then
gets hold of her, she cries out Murder, in comes
their friends and servants, and parts them.
Sir Hum. Disag
Dam me, I ’ll kill her.
Lady Disagree
You’l be hang’d, will you?
Friend
Nay good Sir be not angry.
Servant
Good Madam go away, until my Masters anger is pass’d over.
Act III.
Scene. 25.
Enter Sir Francis Inconstant, alone, as being very melancholy.Inconstant
I will read this Letter once again, although it shakes my Soul,
and makes me almost mad.
He reads aloud the Letter.
“‘Sir, The wrongs you have
done me, are more than Heaven can give me
patience to
endure; for which wrongs, may thick black clouds of Infamy overspread your
Memory; and may my Sorrows beat upon your Soul, as Northern Winds upon the
Sea, and raise up all your thoughts in discontent, as raging billows, causing your voice
to roar out loud with hideous noise, confounding all the Actions of your Life; and
may your hopes be drown’d in the salt water of despairing Tears. The Heavens cannot
condemn me for cursing a man which hath betray’d my Youth by
Flattery, violated
my Chastity by Protestations, tormented my harmless thoughts with Perjury, disquieting
my peaceful Life with Misfortunes. But the burthen of my Wrongs being too
weighty for life to bear, hath sunk it to the Grave, where I hope all my disgrace will
be buried with me, though not the revenges of my Wrongs; for those will punish you
when I am dead: For the Gods are just, although Mankind is not.’”
Inconstant
O Nick, what a Villain am I!
Adviser
For what Sir?
Inconstant
For Perjury and Murther: for I did not only break those Bonds
I had sealed with holy Vows, but my Falshood hath kill’d a fair young Lady:
for she hearing I had forsaken her, and was to be maried to another,
she dy’d for grief.
Adviser
Alas Sir, we are all by Nature both frail and mortal: wherefore
we must complain of Nature, of her Inconstancy and Cruelty, in making our
Minds so changeable, and our Bodies so weak, the one being subject to
Death; the other subject to Variety. But Sir, in my Opinion, you have no
cause to grieve, but rather to rejoyce: for what you have erred by Nature;
you have repaired by Fortunes favour: for if that Lady which is dead, had
lived, you would have been incumber’d with many troubles.
Inconstant
As how Nick?
Adviser
Why you would have been as a young Bear baited by two young
Whelps; the forsaken Lady railing and exclaming against you in all Company
she came into, and your Wife tormenting you with sharp words and
loud noise, insomuch as you would have neither eat, drank, or slept in quiet.
Thus both abroad and at home you would have heard nothing but your own
reproaches.
Inconstant
But shall not I be the same now she is dead, think you?
Adviser
No faith Sir: for Death hath stopt the mouth of the one, and
Kisses may chance to muzzle the mouth of the other; but if you be melancholy,
your Lady will think you do repent, and will believe that you do prefer
the memory of your dead Mistris, before the enjoyment of your living
Wife; besides, women are so jealous, as they will not allow their Husbands
to think (that makes them talk so much as they do) for they think Thoughts
are Bauds to Adulterous Actions, and that Imaginations commit Fornication
with the Ghosts and Spirits of the dead.
Inconstant
Well Nick I will take thy counsel, and cast off melancholy, and
be merry in Jovial Company,
Scene 26.
Enter the Lady Jealousie as holding her Head, and Sir EdwardCourtly her Husband.
Courtly
What, are you sick, Wife?
Jealousie
I have such a pain in my Head, as I am not able to look up,
or to speak.
Courtly
You should take some Physick.
Jealousie
I cannot take some Physick.
Courtly
You must take Physick if you be not well; but pray have a care
you do not catch cold, for that will do you hurt. But I must be gone about
my several Affairs: wherefore God be with you wife.
Jealousie
Nan.
Maid
Madam?
Jealousie
Go make me a White-wine Caudle.
Maid
I shall Madam.
Scene 27.
Enter the Lady Chastity, and the Lady Procurer.Procurer
Madam, I am not come upon my own Score, but upon a new
one: for I am intreated, or rather commanded by a young Gentleman
to kiss your Ladiships hands, as from him who durst not come to do it himself
without your leave.
Chastity
Truly he shall never have leave from me.
Procurer
He begs that your Ladiship would give him leave to be your
admiring Servant.
Chastity
He may admire without my leave; and I wish I had Merits
worth admiring.
Procurer
By my Troth, Madam, he is a most sweet young Gentleman.
Chastity
Hath Nature perfum’d him, or Art?
Procurer
Both, Madam.
Chastity
That’s too much, and will be apt to give the Head-ach.
Procurer
O Madam, he is most desperately in Love with your Ladyship.
Chastity
Pray Heaven, Madam, he doth not hang himself before my
door!
Procurer
’Faith Madam, it is to be fear’d he will do some violent Act
upon himself, unless you pity him.
Chastity
Is he in distress?
Procurer
As much as Love can make him.
Chastity
How should I help him, Madam?
Procurer
Nothing can help him but Love’s Returns in kind Imbracements.
Chastity
Would you have me a maried Wife, imbrace an Amorous
Lover?
Procurer
O Madam, stolen pleasures are sweet, and Mariage is a Cloak to
hide Love’s meetings.
Chastity
And can it hide the sin from the Gods, and the falshood from my
Husband, as well as from the World? But let me tell you, the World is
quick-sighted as to Particulars, though blind as to the General, complaining
against single crimes, yet never helps to mend them.
Procurer
’Faith Madam, the Gods easily pardon natural faults, and Husbands
dare not spy them, at least not to divulge them; and the World censures
all the Virtuous as much as the Wicked, and the Chaste as much as the
Wanton; besides, you are excusable, being maried to an antient man.
Chastity
Doth Age deserve no Love?
Procurer
’Faith little: for Love wears out with Time, and Age wears
out of Love; and if you said you did love your Husband, no body would
believe you: for who can think you that are young and fair, can love a man
that’s old?
Chastity
By Heaven I never thought my Husband old: for he doth appear
to me to be just at Maturity, adorned with all the Graces.
Procurer
Surely you do not think his silver Hair Apollo’s Locks!
Chastity
No; but I think them Palas’s his Head-peece.
Procurer
Nor can you think his hollow Eyes, that’s sunk into his Head,
are Cupids golden Arrows?
Chastity
No; but I think them Minerva’s Loom, which hath inter-weav’d
several Objects, making various and most curious works of Knowledge, and
of Wit, where Judgment in the midst is plac’d, and Understanding borders
it.
Procurer
And can you think his shoulders, bent by weak old Age, are
Cupids Bow?
Chastity
No; but I can think it’s like a Bank swell’d out by Generosity,
to bear Necessities burdens on; or else a heap of Noble Deeds, rais’d by
Heroick Actions, whereon Fame sits in Triumph, and blows his praise abroad,
that all the World may hear it.
Procurer
I will never believe you can think the furrows in this face,
Ttttt
plough’d
Ttttt1v
442
plough’d up by Time, as smooth as waters be when in a calm.
Chastity
No; but I can think them Tracks or Paths made by Experience,
in which walks Prudence, Fortitude, Justice, and Temperance: And though
you strive to make my Husband seem much older than he is, yet I believe
that neither Time nor Age hath power over him: for to my sight his Skin is
as smooth as Light, his Eyes as darting as
Apollo’s Beams, his Body is as
straight as Serzes Wand, able to charm the youngest she, and turn her all to
Love; his Strength is active, and his Spirits quick, to carry Arms, or fight
his Enemmies; and for
his Brain, ’tis equally temper’d, not burnt with heat,
nor frozen up with cold; nor are his Sinews out of tune by slacken’d Nerves,
but just set to Lifes Harmony, Strength strings the Cords, and Health doth
keep just Time.
Procurer
Ha, ha, ha, sweet Lady, your love hath made him a most Heavenly
Creature.
Chastity
Foul Devil, that seeks for to corrupt the Mariage-bed with false
Dispraise, and flattering Insinuations, carrying fond Loves recommendations
from Ear to Ear! Youth being credulous, they are soon receiv’d, which you
perceiving, strait strive to sow in tender hearts Loves Amorous Passions,
from whence Adultery doth grow, and Vices do increase. You a Lady, a
Bawd. O that Honour, the mark of Merit, should be plac’d on such base
subjects as you are! Be gone, such Bawds as you are not only able to disorder
a private Family, but to ruine a whole Kingdome; you are worse than
Witches, and do more mischief.
Procurer
O that I had that power, to make her Husband so jealous, as he
might hate her!
Scene 28.
Enter the Lady Hypocondria, and Sir William Lovewell.Hypocondria
O Husband, I am a dead woman: for all my side is numb,
nay in a dead Palsie, I cannot feel my Arm.
Lovewell
Heaven forbid: let me rub your Arm.
He rubs her Arm.
But Wife, if it were dead, you could not move it, and you can move it, can
you not?
Hypocondria
Yes, but very weakly.
Lovewell
Wrap it up with warm cloaths, until such time as the Doctor
can be sent for. Come into your Chamber, and I will send for the Doctor
strait.
Hypocon
No, pray do not send for the Doctor now: for with your rubbing
my Arm, you have brought the lively spirits into it again.
Lovewell
I am glad of it; but pray keep your bed.
Scene 29.
Enter the Lady Jealousies Waiting-Gentlewoman, and herChamber-maid.
Gentlewoman
My Lady doth not like her Caudle: wherefore she will
have a Sack-posset made her.
Chambermaid
Not like it? why she eat a great porrenger of it:
Gentlewoman
That’s all one, my Lady did not like it; and therefore you
must make a Sack-posset,
Chambermaid
What fault found she with it?
Gentlewoman
She did not express her particular dislike, but in the general.
Chambermaid
Well, I shall make her a Posset strait.
Scene 30.
Enter two servant-maids of the Lady Disagrees.1 Maid
Heaven be thanked, my Master and Lady are perfectly friends
again: for she sits in his lap, and he kisses her very lovingly. Lord,
what a disquietous house have we had!
as being fallen out again.
2 Maid
Hark, what noise is that?
They hearken, and hear the Shovel and
Tongs flung about.
Juno bless us, I think they’l fling the house out at the windows.
1 Maid
Run, run Jane, they are fallen out again, and will kill each other.
2 Maid
O call the Chaplin to part them: for we shall never do it: Call
him, call him.
Scene 31.
Enter the Lady Hypocondria’s Maid in a frighted haste: And enterRoger Trusty, Sir William Lovewel’s Man.
Maid
O Trusty, where is my Master? my Lady is so ill, as we think
she’ll die: for she saith that she is an Apoplexy.
Trusty
If she were in an Apoplexy, she could not speak.
Maid
Hold thy prating, Fool: for hers is a speaking Apoplexy.
Trusty
You are a Slut for calling me Fool.
Maid
You are a Knave for calling me Slut.
Trusty
Am I so? there’s for you for calling me Knave.
Then follows the Lady Hypocondria
running after them.
Hypocondria
What in the name of Juno is the matter? what Thieves
are enter’d? or is my house on fire?
2 Maid
No Madam, only Roger and Joan are beating one another.
Hypocondria
May the Devil beat them for frighting me so.
Lovewell
My dear Wife, what is the cause you sent for me in such
haste?
Hypocondria
O Husband, I was dying of an Apoplexie, my Spirits were
stopt, and my Brain was smother’d in a cloud of gross vapours; but your
Man and my Maid falling out, they fell a beating each other, and she crying
out for help, did so affright me, as I came running hither, thinking Thieves
had broken in, or Fire had broken out of our house, which fright hath unstopt
the Sluce-passages, and dispers’d the Vapour.
Lovewell
I perceive a bad Cause may sometimes produce a good Effect,
if their fighting hath cured you.
Hypocondria
Yes; but I will turn away my Maid, for crying, and quarrelling,
and making such a noise.
Lovewell
That were unjust: for should the sick Patient, that had been
sick to death, when he was restored to health, banish the Physician that restored
him, without a Fee? No, he ought to have his Fee doubl’d or trebl’d,
so you ought not onely to keep your Maid, but to double or treble her
wages.
Trusty
It were more just to treble my wages than hers; for I was the cause
of the Out-cry: for when I beat her, she roared, and her voice thorough her
throat, made as great a rumbling noise, as a foul chimney set on fire, and in
my Conscience as much sooty flegm fell from her head, as from a Cooks
Chimney; and when she scolded, her words were so harsh, as they creakt
just so as when a door is taken off the hinges, which made my Lady strait apprehend
either Fire, or Thieves, or both.
Lovewell
No, you deserve nothing, by reason a man ought not to strike
a woman.
Roger Trusty
Why Sir? she would sooner have been hang’d about my
neck, than have cried, if I had kiss’d her instead of kicking her.
Lovewell
Hold your prating, and learn to be civiller to women.
Trusty
If I had kiss’d you, Joan, as I perceive my Master would have had
me done, you had been silent, and in your silence my Lady would have died,
and then my Master had been a lusty Widower, and a free Wooer, and a
fresh man, as one may say, where now he is bound to a sickly Wife; and
this is the reason my Master would not increase my wages: which if I had
kiss’d you, I had been inriched by my Masters
favour: wherefore Joan, I will
kiss thee, but kick thee no more.
Joan
Go hang your self, it is too late now, you should have kiss’d me
before.
Act IV.
Scene. 32.
Enter the Waiting-woman and Chambermaid of the LadyJealousie.
Gentlewoman
You are a strange wench, to make the Posset-curd so tough,
that now my Lady hath eat it, it lies so hard, so hard in her stomach,
as it cannot digest
Maid
Tough, say you? I am sure to my taste it was as tender as Cream.
Gentlewoman
Well, in my Ladies stomach it proves as hard as stone:
wherefore you must go and burn some Claret-wine for her, with Cloves,
Mace, and Nutmegs, and make it very sweet with fine loaf-sugar, presently,
presently.
Maid
But if my Lady hath one meat after another so quick, she will not
be able to hold all in her stomach, by reason her stomach must of necessity overflow.
Gentlewoman
If the wine make her stomach to overflow, it will be like
washing the mouth, and rubbing the teeth after meat, the which will scour
her stomach clean.
Maid
Nay, if the stomach be not scour’d and cleans’d somtimes, it
would be very foul, by reason it is so often us’d.
Gentlewoman
And if it be scour’d too often, it will wear it out, as the Learned
say: But Nan, go your ways and burn the wine, otherwise my Lady
will chide.
Scene 33.
Enter Monsieur Amorous, and the Lady Procuurer, as Visitants tothe Lady Wanton.
Lady Procurer
Well Monsieur Amorous, now I have brought you to
this Lady, I will leave you to make your Complements, the whilst I will
go, Madam, to your woman, to
Mistris Watcher, and
chide her for not sending
me that you promis’d me.
Wanton
She is much asham’d for her forgetfulness, and had rather die
than see you.
faint, almost ready to fall into a Swoun; then takes
his handkerchief, and wipes his face, as if he did sweat.
Wanton
Are you not well Sir?
Amorous
A sudden passion hath surrounded my Heart, and hath surprized
my Senses, sending out cold damp sweats over all my body.
Wanton
Sir, will you drink any cordial water?
Amorous
Lady, it was your Beauty that struck me with a trembling fear,
and made my spirits faint; but this delicious kiss that I have taken from
your hand, restores me more, and gives me greater strength than all the Spirits
Chymists can extract.
Wanton
I perceive now it was a dissembling fit, and not a real sickness.
Amorous
Misconstrue not my Admirations and Affections, which do adore
and worship you.
Wanton
If we women should believe the words of men, they would make
us more conceited of our selves than yet we are.
Amorous
There are not thoughts to equal your great Beauty, nor words
for to express it.
Procurer
Madam, Madam, your Husband is comming, your Husband is
comming.
Wanton
For Venus sake stay by me, Madam, that my Husband may see I
have a woman in my company.
congee to one another.
Amorous
Sir, my ambition grew impatient to be acquainted, and to render
my self, and offer my service to you Sir.
Cuckold
Sir, I am your most humble Servant, and shall strive by all the
ways I can to appear worthy your favours.
Wanton
Lord, Lady Procurer, how
are you drest to day in a most careless
fashion?
Procurer
It is the mode, it is the mode to go undrest,
Cuckold
Wife, this is not a fit room to entertain this noble Gentleman,
Sir, will you be pleas’d to walk into another room?
Amorous
All rooms are fine Sir, where you and your Virtuous Lady
are.
Procurer
’Faith if I had not come running in before your Husband, he
had catch’d you.
Wanton
’Faith Procurer, thou art such another Lady-wag, as all the
Town cannot match thee.
Procurer
I was, I was, but now I am grown old, I am grown old; but I
was born to do good Offices.
Scene 34.
Enter two Maids of the Lady Poverty’s.1 Maid
I wonder my Lady is able to stay in the room with my Master:
his vomiting hath so fumed the room, as there is such a stink, that by
my troth I am almost strangled with the smell of the corrupted drink.
2 Maid
Alas poor Lady! she is forc’d to stay for fear he should be outragious
in his drunken humour: for if she stirs or speaks, he swears as if he
would draw the Devils out of Hell.
1 Maid
Hell is not so bad, as to be where he is now he is drunk.
3 Maid
My Master is asleep, and my Lady would have you make lesse
noise, and not to talk so loud, for fear you should awake him.
1 Maid
If he be asleep, we may make what noise we will or can make,
he will not wake until such time as the fume or vapour of wine be out of his
head, no sound can enter: But I wonder my Lady will take such care of him,
when he hath no respect to her, but transforms himself from a man to beast every
day; indeed she sees him only a beast, not a man: for before he is wholy
sober, he rises to go to a Tavern to be drunk again.
2 Maid
If my Master transforms himself into a beast ere that he comes
to my Lady, he imitates Jove:
for he transform’d himself into a Bull for the
sake of fair Europa.
1 Maid
But not into a drunken roaring Bull as my Master is.
3 Maid
’Faith if I were my Lady, I would hold by his Horns, and then
let him roar, and drink, and whore as much as he will.
1 Maid
Yes, so she might chance to be drench’d in a Bathing-tub, as
Europa
in the Sea.
Scene 35.
Enter Nan the Lady Jealousies Chamber-maid, and her Master SirHenry Courtly meets her, and kisses her. Enter the Lady Jealousie,
and sees him.
Lady Jealousie
So Husband, I perceive Nan is in your favour.
Courtly
’Faith Wife Nan is a careful and industrious Wench: for she
strives to serve us both, for she makes you caudles and feeds me with kisses.
Lady Jealousie
Or rather Husband you feed Nan, and Nan feeds me.
Courtly
Faith the truth is I feed you both.
Lady Jealousie
But Nan hath the greatest share, that makes her so proud,
and I so sickly; But since you are so liberal to her, and so sparing to me, I
will board elsewhere, and so as I may carve where I like best.
Courtly
Sure Wife you will not.
Lady Jealousie
Surely Husband I will do my endeavour.
Courtly
What to be a Whore?
Lady Jealousie
Yes, if being a whore will make you a Cuckold.
Scene. 36.
Enter the Lady Hypocondria and her Maid.Lady Hypocondria
My Husband hath been a long time abroad, pray Jove
he be safe, if he should chance to have a quarrel and fight, a hundred
to one but he is killd: for otherwise he would have come home; do you
think he is well Joan?
Maid
You need not fear, for my master is of so civil a behaviour, and of
so sweet a disposition, as he can have no enemies.
Lady Hypocon
O But he is a man that is very valiant, and one that is very
sensible of disgrace, and affronts.
Maid
Truly I believe you have no reason to fear.
Lady Hypocon
Do you but believe so, nay then you doubt, and therefore
I know he is kill’d and I will go and find out the murtherer, and kill him my
self.
the room, as in a frighted passion, the maid
stops her. Maid. Xxxxx1r 449
Maid
My Noble Lady, do not run in this passion: for all
the idle ment and
women, and boyes, and girles will run after you, as thinking you mad; for
they make no difference betwixt melancholy, and madnesse.
Lady Hypocon
I am not able to overcome this fear, I shall die.
Maid
Pray stay and send out one of your men to inquire where he is.
Lady Hypocon
Call Roger Trusty.
Lady Hypoco
O You defendant Gods assist my Husband.
Lady Hypocon
Trusty go presently, and seek out your master, and bring
me word where he is, and how he doth, and be sure if you see a grim look’t
fellow near him, that you stir not from your Master, but wait upon him home,
for fear some trechery should beset him.
Trusty
Who shall bring you word of his health, or sicknesse, life, or
death?
Lady Hypocon
Death you say, O you have heard he is kill’d.
Trusty
By Pluto I have heard no such thing.
Lady Hypocon
Why do you talk of death then?
Trusty
Because you send me to know whether he be dead, or alive.
Lady Hypocon
That is true, wherefore let one of the Foot-boyes go along
with you to bring me an answer; but be sure you stay with your
Master.
Trusty
I shall.
Lady Hypocon
Make all the hasste you can to find him.
Scene 37.
Enter Sir Henry Sage, and the Lady Chastity.Sir Hen. Sage
Is the Lady Procurer a Baud say you?
Lady Chastity
A perfect one I think: for she pleaded as earnestly, as Lawyers
for a fee.
Sir Hen. Sage
No doubt, but she hath as much reason: for sure she doth
it for gain, not out of love to wicked basenesse; but I believe poverty perswades
her, or rather inforces her.
Chastity
No surely, it is an inborn, or at least an inbred baseness: for neither
death, nor torments can inforce, nor riches nor preferrments allure a noble
mind to such base acts; but some are so unworthy, or rather wicked, as to delight
to intice, and to pervert all they can get acquaintance with.
Sir Hen. Sage
And some doe it to hide their own faults, thinking to bury
them under the vices of others, or smother them in the presse of a multitude:
but let me advise you not to entertain her company any more.
Chastity
I believe she will not visit me again.
Scene 38.
Enter the Lady Sprightly, and one of her women.Lady Sprightly
Lord, Lord, this nasty love, or rather this beastly lust that
doth corrupt all good manners, as gentle civility, free society, lawfull
recreations, honest friendship, natural affections; it cuts off the feet of obedience,
it breaks the knees of duty, it wounds the breast of fidelity, it pulls
out the heart of loyalty; it turns away prudence, it banishes temperance, and
murthers justice; it breaks peace and makes warrs, and turns arms into
petticoats. O sweet pure Chastity, how amiable thou art, how beautifull
thou appearst in women, how heroick in men: for Chast women have such
innocent thoughts, such pure, clean, clear, white, immaculate minds, such
modest countenances, such gentle behaviour, such civil discourses, such noble
actions, such discreet entertainments, such cautionarie recreations; otherwise
they are bold, impudent, rude, slanting, ranting, romping women:
also Chastity in men makes them heroick, for propriety, justice, constancy,
and natural and honest love is the basis, pillars, or foundation whereon
true valour is built, when amorous affections make men effeminate, causing
them to cast away their hard iron arms to lie in the soft arms of beauty,
and stops their eares from loud alarums, with charming notes of Musick,
it takes them from being masters of themselves, and others, and makes
them become servants, and slaves; from commanding an Army to be commanded
by single women, by whom he is checkt like a school-boy, lead
like a dog in a string, as after his mistrisses humours, her frown makes him
crouch like a cur, her smiles make him skip, and make faces like a Jack-anapes,
and their beastly appetites make them so rude, and wilde, as they regard
no civility of behaviour, no gentleness of disposition, no constancy of
affection, they keep no friendship, constancy, or vowes, they break all decent
customs, and disobey all honest laws; but this is a theam too wilde to be
preacht on.
Gentlewoman
Why Madam, my Lord your father may be a very chast
man although he lieth with his maid, if he hath made her his wife before he
made her his bedfellow.
Lady Sprightly
His wife? he scorns the thought, and hates the act.
Gentlewoman
Pardon me Madam, if I offer to lay a wager of it.
Lady Sprightly
Are you so confident that you dare lay a wager?
Gentlewoman
If you inquire more I believe you will find it to be true.
Act V.
Scene 39.
Enter the Lady Chastity, and her woman gives her a letter. Lady reads the Letter.Lady Chastity
Who brought this letter?
Woman
A kind of a Gentleman servingman.
Chastity
Pray receive no more letters from that man.
Woman
He said he would come in the evening to receive an answer.
Chastity
If he comes, tell him it needs no answer.
Chastity
Husband, will you read a Love letter?
Sir Hen. Sage
From whence comes it, and to whom is it sent?
Chastity
You will soon find from whence it comes, and to whom it is
sent.
Sir Hen. Sage
So wife, I perceive I am in danger to be made a Cuckold.
Chastity
Doth the letter beget your faith to that opinion?
Sir Hen. Sage
But the praises, and professions this letter brings you, raises
scruples, and those scruples beget controversies, and those controversies
may in time make a convert.
Chastity
Rather a pervert Husband; but be you constant, and I will warrant
you safe.
Sir Hen. Sage
But Youth and Beauty wife, when they plead, are greater
Bawds, and have a more perswasive power than
the Lady Procurer.
Chastity
Truly all three, Beauty, Youth, or the Lady Procurer, rather
than perswade me, would divert me, had I a wanton nature; as first, for the
Lady Procurer her
baseness appeared such as made me hate my self
for being
of the same sex she was of, and grieved me to see the follies of mankind, the
one appearing like a Devil, the other like a beast, so seem’d the Lover and
the Bawd, when men have Reason to govern, as much as Appetite to perswade,
the one proceeding from the Soul, the other from the body; besides,
Virtue is the Natural Complexion of the Soul, not Vice: for Vice is bred,
not born in man: As for Youth, it is so fantastical, extravagant, wilde, and
self-opinionated, doing such ridiculous Actions, putting themselves into such
affected Postures, as I might be as soon enamour’d with a Jack-anapes: Besides,
the discourses of Youth are so flashy, as it gives the hearers no relish;
and their Judgment is so shallow, and their Understanding so mysty, as when
Reason discourses with them, it is apt to be lost in the darkness of Ignorance.
Lastly, for Beauty in men, it is worse than unhansomeness in women: for
an ill-favour’d woman seems masculine, as if she had an Heroick Spirit,
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though
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though she were a Coward; to have a judicious Understanding, though she
should be a Fool; to be Chaste, although she were Wanton; when on the
contrary, a beautiful man appears Effeminate, Foolish, and Cowardly, when
(perchance) he may be Wise and Valiant, yet ’tis Beauty makes him seem
otherwise; and (for the most part) a beautiful man is more nice and curious
about his person, as in his cloathing, dressing, trimming, perfuming, powdering,
curling, and some will pomate and paint themselves, all which seems
to me preposterous to men, insomuch as I could as soon be amorously affected
with my own Sex, as those that are accounted beautiful men; and you
might sooner be jealous of Age than Youth, with a Sun-burnt face and a wither’d
skin, than a face that looks as if it had not seen the Sun, or the Sun it,
nor felt the nipping Frost nor parching Wind; but I hope you have a better
opinion of your self than to be jealous, as to think I can like any man better,
or so well as you: And if you have not so good an opinion of me, as to believe
I am constantly honest, yet I have such an assurance of my self, as to know I
am not liable to be corrupted, and I am so Chaste, as I have not a thought
subject to sully the purity of my chaste Mind and honest Heart.
Sage
I believe you.
Scene 40.
Enter Roger Trusty, as to his Master Sir William Lovewell.Lovewell
What is the matter, Roger, that you are come?
Trusty
And’t please your Worship, my Lady hath sent me to know how
your Worship is in health.
Lovewell
Why very well. How does she?
Trusty
She’s well, but that she’s afraid your Worship’s kill’d.
Lovewell
If I were kill’d, I were past sickness or health. But who should
kill me?
Trusty
Nay that her Ladyship could not guess.
Lovewell
Return home to your Lady, and tell her I shall be with her
within an hour.
Trusty
I dare not leave your Worship: for she hath sent me to guard
and protect you from all harm, and to fight in your quarrel, and hath sent
one of the Foot-boys to bring her word how your Worship doth.
Lovewell
Go you and return back, and tell your Lady from me, that Honesty,
Civility, and Courage, is a sufficient Guard and Protection; if not,
then my Sword, and my Skill to use it, will fight, and maintain my
quarrel.
Trusty
If I should go home with that Message, you would find her dead
at your return.
Lovewell
Why so?
Trusty
Why Sir, the very name of a Sword will kill her: I wonder your
Worship should forget it, and knows her humour so well.
Lovewell
Yes, I know she hath a sweet Humour, and a tender Nature:
wherefore return home without any more prating, and tell her that I am
safe, and in very good health. Run all the way.
Scene 41.
Enter Sir Edward Courtly, and his Wife the Lady Jealousie.Courtly
Wife, you may win me from the imbracing of other women, if
you have Discretion and Chastity answerable to your Wit and Beauty.
Jealousie
But I perceive men love variety; and if so, had I the Beauty of
Venus, and the wit of
Mercury, the Wisedom of
Pallas, and the Chastity
of Diana, you would be like
Jupiter still, and make love to
mortals, which
are common Wenches: But do not think I will do as
Juno did, as to torment
my self with vexing and fretting for that which I cannot mend or help; but
I will please my self with variety as much as you, and in the clouds of night
will hide my Self and Lovers.
Courtly
’Faith Wife I shall dissolve your Clouds into showers of Tears,
and strike your Lover with my Thunder-bolt, which is my Poniard: But
Wife, let me advise you to be as you ought to be, a good Wife: for, as I
will not incroach upon my Wifes Prerogative, so Wife, you shall not incroach
upon mine, being your Husband.
Jealousie
You will not give me leave to have the variety of Courting
Servants; yet you will take the liberty of variety to Court several Mistresses.
Courtly
It is part of my Prerogative.
Jealousie
What, to have whores?
Courtly
Yes; and its part of the Wifes duty which she owes to her Husband,
to be content.
Jealousie
She is not bound to that duty.
Courtly
She is bound to obey all duties: for the fundamental Laws in
Mariage, are for the Husband to rule, the Wife to obey; the Husband to
cherish, the Wife to love;
the Husband to be Valiant to defend and protect
her, the Wife to be Chaste, to suffer and submit; and when I leave to Command,
you may leave for to Obey; when I leave to Cherish, you may leave
to Love; when I am a Coward, you may be a Whore: for when I basely
part with my Honour, you are not bound to keep it; but until I do part
with my Honour, I charge you to keep it as you would do your life.
Jealousie
By these Rules maried men are not bound to be constant.
Courtly
Yes, to the Sex, but not to his Wife, in the case of Amorous Imbracements:
for a Husband hath liberty for variety, but the Wife is restrain’d
to one.
Jealousie
These are Laws that neither the Gods nor Nature have prescribed,
but only impartial men which make what Laws they please.
Courtly
Nature taught men to make them for propriety-sake, and Gods
command men to keep them, and that men should do their endeavour to
force the Effeminate Sex to obey and practise them strictly, for the sake of
Civil Common-wealths, wherein the Gods are best serv’d.
Jealousie
But women are not such Fools, to be forc’d, such Asses, to bear
such intollerable burdens of Troubles, Vexations, Crosses, and Neglects
from their Husbands and their Whores.
Courtly
Women are best pleas’d when they are made Asses.
Jealousie
Indeed Husbands make Asses of their Wives; but in faith you
shall not make one of me.
Scene. 42.
Enter two Maids of the Lady Poverties.1Maid
My poor Lady sits so melancholy, and sighs and weeps, as it
grieves my Soul to see her.
2 Maid
Can you blame her, when she and her children must go a begging,
or sit and starve: for my Master hath sold most of his Estate at several
times, and hath spent the money in Drink and Whores, and hath lost it at
play: and now he hath sent for all his Plate to play away, her Jewels were
pawn’d before.
1 Maid
But when all is lost and spent, he will be forc’d to be a good
Husband.
2 Maid
When all is gone, it will not be in his power: for none can be
good Husbands as concerning Husbandry, when they have nothing to Husband.
1 Maid
The best of it is, he will suffer as much as my Lady.
2 Maid
No faith: for he will rook, and shark, and cheat, and baud, to
get a poor living, when she, poor Lady, must work hard for her Living.
1 Maid
Alas she cannot work.
2 Maid
Then she must get some acquaintance, and turn Lady Bawd, and
shew Ladies how to dress themselves, and sell paint, pomatoms, wax-gloves,
oyl’d-masks, and the like Commodities privately; or else she must pretend
Skill in Chirurgery or Physick, and to make Plaisters, Salves, Oyntments,
and the like, or make Cordial Powders, or Cordial Waters, and other waters
and powders; then perswade old Ladies to take thereof, telling them
those will make them look as young as one of fifteen.
1 Maid
But those things require cost to make them.
2 Maid
No ’faith, there requires not much charge: for Paint, Pomatom,
and the like Commodities, will sell at any price, and will be make at
a little charge: and for Salves and Plaisters, and Oyls and Oyntments, Hogsgrease,
Turpentine, and Bole-Armonike, serves for all sorts of those things,
and Bread, and Meal, and Milk, and some chopt Herbs, and Sallet-oyl, serves
for all Pultesses; and for Cordial Powders, some hot Seeds as Anniseed,
Caroway-seed, Coriander-seed, and the like Seeds, with some powder of
Liquoras, and beaten Spices, with some sorts of Gums, as Mastick, Myrrh,
and the like, will serve their turn.
1 Maid
But Cordial Powders are made of Pearl, Amber, Corall, and
the like.
2 Maid
’Faith a little powder of posts serves as well: for they cannot be
distinguish’d by their taste; but howsoever, it is but putting a grain of Musk
and Ambergrease, and instead of Amber, Coral, and Pearl, ’tis but poudring
some shav’d Harts-horn and Chiny, and they will serve as well, and (perchance
work as good Effects:) Indeed Cordial Waters are chargeable to
make
Yyyyy2r
455
make: for they require fire to distill them; but there is some remedy for
that: for it is but buying several sorts of ordinary hot waters, and mix them
together, so as no one of the waters may predominate in taste, and it will
pass for rare extracted Spirits, so as she shall never need to venture to distill,
or lay out money, but just for the present to fetch it from those that fell Aqua-
vitæ, Rosasolus, and the like, which may be had at a cheap rate, and she may
sell them at a great price.
1 Maid
But what shall become of the poor young Children?
2 Maid
Why, he rooking, and she bawding, may make a shift to feed
them with bread: and those two Trades will never fail as long as Mankind
lasts: for Whoring and Knaving will last till Dooms-day, or for ever.
1 Maid
But Ursly, my Lady hath given us warning to be gone: wherefore
we must seek out new services.
2 Maid
My Lady is so good a Lady, as I wish to serve her so as to
maintain her, since she is not able to maintain a servant.
1 Maid
But since we cannot maintain her, nor she us, we must leave
her.
Scene 43.
Enter Roger Trusty to his Lady all in a sweat running: sheseeing him come in such haste, cries out.
Hypocondria
O help me, help me, you merciful Powers, to destroy me,
and let me not outlive my Husband.
Trusty
’Tis like the Gods will hear your prayers: for ten to one my Master
out-lives you.
Hypocon
Why, is he alive?
Trusty
Yes, and alive’s like.
Hypocon
What makes you sweat so?
Trusty
To bring you the good news of his well-bing, and to prove the
old Proverb a Lyar, which sayes, “Bad Newes hath wings, and good Newes
no legs.”
Hypocon
Where did you meet your Master?
Trusty
In Westminster-Hall.
Hypocon
How did he look?
Trusty
Healthful and well.
Hypocon
Did he seem angry or pleas’d, merry or sad?
Trusty
Why he neither seem’d angry nor pleas’d, merry nor sad, which
I wonder’d at: for in Lawyers Courts, and places of Judicature, I never
saw any face but was cloathed with a merry green countenance, or a sad black
countenance, or a red cholerick face, or a pale malicious face; but my Masters
face appeard like naked Truth, and clean Temperance, wash’d white with
Innocency, being plump with health, and smooth with plenty.
Hypocon
But why did you leave him?
Trusty
Why he commanded me so to doe, and to run every step, to
tell you he was comming home, and I chose as the wisest to run, althoughYyyyy2
though
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456
I sweat for it, than stay and have a broken Head.
Hypocon
Well, I give you here a twenty-shilling-piece to dry your sweat
with a cup of Sack.
Trusty
May all my labours be rewarded thus.
Maid Joan
I perceive you take the gift as a due reward, and not as my
Ladies bounty.
Trusty
Hold your prating: what need we thank the Gods, if Saints merit
Heaven?
Scene 44.
Enter the Lady Sprightly, and the Lord Widower her Father.Lady Sprightly
Sir, I desire you would not think me undutiful to ask you
a question: for I hope I am not so much in your disfavour, as not to resolve
me, since it is in your power.
Widower
Well, what is’t that you would know?
Sprightly
Whether you are maried, or not?
Widower
What if I am? Mariage is lawful.
Sprightly
Yes Sir, but I doubt whether it be honourable or not: for ’tis
said you are maried to my Chamber-maid Dol Subtilty.
Widower
Perchance I am.
Sprightly
Then I desire your Lordship will let me marry too.
Widower
With all my heart, and I shall do my part towards thy mariage;
but to whom would you be maried?
Sprightly
Your Butler Sir.
Widower
Out upon thee base Girl, would you marry a Tapster?
Sprightly
Why Sir, a Tapster is as good as a piss-pot emptier; besides,
they say you have done the fellow wrong: for she (they say) was his by promise,
and if Conscience hath right, he ought to have her; and perhaps, did
not Ambition come in the way, Affection might prevail: wherefore to gratifie
him, you ought in justice to bestow me upon him.
Widower
Well, because you shall not marry my Butler, I will not marry
your Maid: for the truth is, I never had so low a thought. But let me tell
you, it is in the way of disobedience to question a Fathers Actions, and a
presumption for a Child to think their Father is not wise enough to govern
himself; besides, Children were ingrateful to Parents, to desire that from
them, which they cannot, or will not keep to themselves, as neither to suffer
a Father to marry, or keep a Mistress: Do Children think a Father is bound
to so many Children, and no more?
Sprightly
Sir, I dare answer for the part of Children, that they would be
well content that their Father should have Mistrisses, but they would be unwilling
and griev’d that their Fathers should be their Mistrisses slave, whereby
they incaptivate their Children, or ruine their Estates.
Widower
Well then inquire no more after any Mistris I shall have, until
you are incaptivated.
Finis.
The Actors Names.
Sir William Lovewell, and the Lady Hypocondria his wife.
Sir Henry Sage, and the Lady Chastity his wife.
Sir Edward Courtly, and the Lady Jealousie his Wife.
Sir Humphrey Disagree, and the Lady Disagree his Wife.
Sir Thomas Cuckold, and the Lady Wanton his Wife.
Sir Timothy Spendall, and the Lady Poverty his wife.
Sir Francis Inconstant, and the Lady Inconstant his wife.
Monsieur Amorous.
The Lady Procurer.
Monsieur Disguise
Mistris Single, sister to the Lady Jealousie.
Master Make-peace, Sir Humphrey Disagree’s Friend.
Master Perswader, the Lady Disagree’s Chaplin.
Nan
Lightheel,
and
and Many other Maid-Servants of the several
Ladies.
Roger Trusty,
man to Sir William Lovewel,
and other men-servants
ser of his,
and
the rest of the Knights.
Raillery Jester, the Lady Jealousies Fool.
The
Second Part of the Play
Called the
Matrimonial Trouble
A
Come-Tragedy.
Act I.
Scene. I.
Enter the Lady Procurer, and Sir Henry Sage.Lady Procurer
Sir Henry, by reason my Lady is gone abroad, I
make bold to visit you.
Sage
I perceive I am oblig’d to my Wifes absence for your
Visit, Madam.
Procurer
’Faith, to tell you the truth, we women had rather
visit men when they are alone, than when they have
company.
Sage
Then men and women agree better with particular, than with the
general.
Procurer
They do so, yet they love varietyes best.
Sage
That’s natural, for the Senses to delight in variety.
Procurer
It is so, and yet our Civil and Divine Laws have forbid the use
of Varieties, which (me thinks) is very unconscionable and unnatural.
Sage
But if some of the natural Appetites and Actions were not restrain’d
by Laws, no Comman-wealth could subsist.
Procurer
How did the Lacedemonians subsist? they liv’d all in common;
and had not all Greece been
imbroyl’d with Wars, their Common-wealth
might have lasted to this day.
Sage
The Lacedemonians had stricter Lawes than the Common-wealth
which we live in, and are of: for though they gave more liberty and freedom
to some Actions than our Governments do, yet they were stricter in others;
and breakers of their Lawes were more severely punish’d, even in
the smallest breach, than the breakers of our Laws are almost in the greatest
breach.
Procurer
I am sure the Maker of the Lacedemonian Laws was a wise man,
and
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459
and a kind-hearted man, in Decreeing for the
Increase of Mankinod, yet by
some of his Laws he seem’d but a Sloven: for
he banish’d all curidosity and
neatness, and I believe, many conveniences: Also he seem’d to be a man of
a weak stomach,
Sage
He rather seem’d of a strong stomach, and a greedy appetite, by the
course diet he brought men to live with; but (for my part) If I should judge
of the Lacedemonians Laws, I should judge that they strove to bring men to
be like beasts, rather than to make them like as Gods, which men should
strive to be.
Procurer
By your favour Sir, there can be no Law that can keep men from being
horned beasts.
Sage
Whose fault is that, Madam? not mens which make the Laws, but
womens that break the Laws.
Procurer
It is mens fault, for giving women such liberty: And let me tell
you Sir, women are such subtil creatures, as they strive first to get an honourable
esteem from their Friends and Husbands, and a belief of their Chastity;
and when they have secured mens jealousies, they make their Husbands
Cuckolds, which all their Neighbours perceive, although the Husband
is blind and muffl’d with affection.
Sage,.
Madam, your Sex deserve a better Character than you give of them:
for by your description there are few chaste.
Procurer
Every woman knows the humours of her own Sex better than
men know the humours of one another: wherefore let me advise you, Sir
Henry Sage, to watch my Lady your Wife: for many, to my knowledge,
seek for to corrupt her.
Sage
Madam, although she is one of your Sex, yet she is of an Angelical
nature, and not corruptible.
Procurer
Sir, I am your humble servant, and I wish your Angel may not
fall from Virtue into Vice.
Sage
I have no jealous doubt, Madam.
Procurer
I wonder at it: for wise men use to doubt.
Scene 2.
Enter Sir Edward Courtly, and the Lady Jealousie.Courtly
Wife, I have given you warning twice, beware of the third
time, that you receive no Masculine Visiters: for by Heaven, if you
do, I will hang you up in my garters.
Jealousie
Do if you dare, I will have those that shall cut your throat.
Courtly
You could not fright me with your Champions, were I a coward:
for they are Carpet-Knights, and dare not fight.
Jealousie
They dare more than you dare.
other string or ribband about his cloaths, and
makes her believe he will strangle her. Zzzzz2 Courtly Zzzzz2v 460
Courtly
By Heaven I’ll give an Example to all men that love their Honour,
and hate to be Cuckolds.
her neck. She is afraid.
Jealousie
O Husband, Husband, spare me, spare me.
Courtly
Wife, you may make me a Fool, but not unman me; you may
flatter me, but not frighten me; you may make me commit an indiscretion,
but never to be Effeminate.
Jealousie
O mercy, mercy, Husband, do but spare me this time, and I
will be the best wife in the World.
Courtly
Well, I will pardon you this time; and know, Wife, that
though I am willing to part with my Breeches and Doublet to give them you,
yet I will never part with my Sword and my Spurs, which is my Courage and
my Management: And I will give you all liberty in Vanity, but not in Dishonesty;
you shall keep the Purse, but not manage the Horse: Also let me
tell you, that it is not enough to be honest, but you must give no suspicion to
the contrary.
Scene. 3.
Enter the Lady Procurer, and the Lady Wanton.Lady Procurer
Come, Come Madam, are you ready? for Monsieur Amorous
hath provided a great and costly Banquet for you.
Wanton
I am ready, I did only stay for you to go along with me.
Procurer
But will not your Husband watch whither we go?
Wanton
O no: for he believes I am going to the Lady Breeders Upsitting.
Procurer
That’s well bhe is so credulous to believe so easily whatsoever
you would have him believe, and if he be but as obstinate of belief of that
you would not have him believe you are happy, for let me tell you, that all
men hath not that spiritual gift of Faith, but have strange opinions, and
full of doubts, and suspitions.
Wanton
Nay, I thank Jove, I have as good a Husband, as any woman
whatsoever hath.
Procurer
Prethee Madam leave some thanks for your loving servant,
which loves, and adores you more than he doth Heaven, and worships you
as his only Goddess.
Wanton
He shall not pray in vain, nor shall I be as an Idoll made of
Stone, or Brass.
Procurer
Come your wayes then.
Scene 4.
Enter Monsieur Disguise alone.Monsieur Disguise
O man! O man! inconstant man! false and perjurious
man! flattering dissembling man! and the worst of Mankind is
Sir Francis
Inconstant! He hath not only forsaken
me, but forgot me, drowning
the memory of me in his superfluous Cups. O
Pluto, from whence all
wickedness proceeds, make his fair Bride as false to him, as he hath prov’d
to me, and fill his mind with furious Jealousie.
Scene 5.
Enter the Lady Hypocondria, as at her Husband Sir WilliamLovewells Closet-door; she knocks at the door.
Lovewel
Who’s there?
Hypocon
’Tis I, Husband.
Lovewel
I may bid you welcome, Wife: for you are a stranger here.
Hypocon
Truly Husband, I
should not have disturb’d you, but that I was
afraid you
were not well: for I came two or three times to the
door,
and heard no
noise, which made me afraid you might be in a
swoun, or
dead.
Lovewell
I thank you for your loving fear and care of me.
Hypocon
You may think this is an over-fond humour in me; but I have
heard of
many that have been found dead in their Beds, and in
their Closets,
when as their Friends never mistrusted it, but thought they were asleep, or
at study,
which if they had been found or known in time, they
might have
been recover’d.
Lovewell
You say true Wife.
Hypocondria
But now I know you are well, I will not disturb you any
longer.
Lovewell
I will bear your kindness company.
Scene 6.
Enter Sir Henry Sage, and the Lady Chastity his Wife.Sage
Wife, thou art false.
Chastity
’Tis strange to hear you say so, when but yesterday you made
me such protestations of your Faith, believing I was Virtuous, Chaste, and
full of Truth, which I did think Time had not power to alter your belief,
and such Vows and Protestations of your Affections to me, as if the fire of
Love within your heart did burn so clear, and flame so high, as nought could
quench it out but Death’s cold damps, yet not so much, but still a heat within
the ashes would remain.
Sage
I confess, Wife, my doubts of Love did make me to try, at least to
say so to you.
Chastity
True Love never makes doubts; and though you can dissemble
with me, I cannot dissemble with you, could the Gods command me, as
they cannot, things unjust.
Sage
I perceive you are angry, Wife.
Chastity
No truly Husband, I am rather griev’d than angry, to think my
honest truth mistrusted: for Doubts are unjust to great Affections,
true Love, and good Intentions; and Examinations are scandalous to a strict
chaste life, and makes it seem as criminal: but could the World lay falshood
to your charge, and should condemn you, yet my Affections would set
you free, and rather tax my self for want of Merit to deserve your Love, than
you want love to give Desert.
Sage
Prethee Wife be not griev’d nor angry, for ’tis natural for Love to
be suspicious: wherefore pray forgive my doubts.
Chastity
My nature is to forgive, and not to bear a grudge or spleen in
minde.
Sage
Then we are friends again.
Chastity
My love is still the same, not to be alter’d.
Scene 7.
Enter Mistris Single, the Lady Jealousies sister, and RailleryJester the Fool.
Mistris Single
Fool, How many degrees is there in Understanding?
Jester
Three.
Single
Distinguish them.
Jester
There is Cœlestial Understanding, a Terrestial Understanding,
and an Understanding betwixt both, as an Airestial Understanding: Those
that are Cœlestial, are wise men; those that are Terrestrial, are fools; and
those that are betwixt both, as Airestial, are half-witted men.
Single
I thought you would have said that those that were Terrestrial,
were beasts.
Jester
O no: for beasts are one degree above wise men, two degrees above
half-witted men, and three degrees above fools.
Single
But how will you make that good, that beasts are wiser than
wise men?
Jester
By all their actions: for beasts (for the most part) are more industrious,
prudent, temperate, and peaceable, than the best of men; neither
do they trouble their heads, nor break their sleeps, about the trifles of the
World, but govern their Affairs easily, and live orderly, every several kind
agreeing amongst themselves; besides, we are taught to imitate the Serpent
and the Dove, and Examples are Principles, and the Original is to be
preferr’d before the Copy, the Sample before the Pattern. Thus a Beast is
preferr’d before a Wise man, by reason all Men must learn of Beasts to be
wise, and of Birds to be virtuously honest, as to be harmless.
Scene 8.
Enter the Lady Hypocondria, and her Maid Joan.Maid Joan
Certainly Madam, you will starve your self with eating so
little.
Hypocon
Why a little serves Nature.
Joan
Yes; but there are great differences betwixt Natures: for mankind
requires more food than some kind of beasts or birds; for a man would be
starv’d, if he should eat no more than a Dormouse, or a Camelion, or a
Sparrow.
Hypocon
But a Sparrow cannot eat so much as an Eagle, nor an Eagle so
much as an Estrich: Likewise, as it is with Bird-kind, so it is with Mankind,
some would starve with that proportion another would surfet on.
Joan
But surely there are none that could surfet with your diet, as with
Water and Air, nay (most commonly) nothing but Air, Camelion-like: for
you oft-times for a week together neither eat bit, nor drink a drop; and that
which makes me wonder more, is, that you naturally have a very good stomach,
and can eat, when you please, very heartily, and it thrives well with
you; but my greater wonder is, that when you do fast, eating now and then
a bit, week after week, nay moneth after moneth, yet you are not so lean, as
to appear a Skeleton, nor so weak, but you can walk two hours without resting,
or being very weary.
Hypocon
Oh Custome is a second Nature, Joan.
Joan
I would have your Ladyship accustome your self to live without
eating, and then you will be set in a Chronicle.
Hypocon
Who would strive for that, since most think Chronologers are
Artificers, and that their Chronicles are false.
Joan
Why some will believe it; and it were better to live in the memory
of a few, than to die to all memory, and to live by nothing.
Hypocon
I would have my Fame live only by singular and transcending
Merits, not by singular and melancholy Follies. I know my Errors, though
I cannot mend my Faults.
Act II.
Scene 9.
Enter the Lady Procurer, and the Lady Wanton.Procurer
Well Madam, you are to give me thanks for bringing you acquainted
with Monsieur
Amorous: for he is as fine a Gentleman as
any
our Nation hath.
Wanton
Indeed he is the most obligingst person as ever I met with; but
pray Madam, what said he of me?
Procurer
O he raves in your praise: He says you are the finest, sweetest,
fairest and kindest Lady that ever was: but did not your Husband examine
you when you came home?
Wanton
No ’faith, not much, some slight questions he ask’d; but come
into my Chamber, and there let us discourse of
Monsieur Amorous.
Scene 10.
Enter the Lady Jealousie, beating her Maid Nan.Jealousie
I will make you humbler than to give me such unmannerly
words. What had you to do in my Husbands, your Masters Chamber?
Nan
I went to speak with Tom my Masters barber.
Jealousie
What had you to do with your Masters barber? I am sure you
had no use for him; but I will beat you so, as you shall not be able to stir,
much less to go frisking into your Masters Chamber so often as you do.
Lady, her Lady follows her. Enters Raillery Jester
the Fool.
Fool
What a Volly of words their gun-powder breath, and the fire-lock
of their anger hath shot into my Ears, giving me no warning to baracade
them up, but hath surprized my brain by their sudden assault, and hath
blown up the Magazines of my Contemplations; but all creatures love to
make a noise, beasts vocally, men verbally, and some actually in boysterous
deeds.
Single
How now Fool, what’s the matter?
Fool
Why this is the matter fool, thy Sister fool hath beaten her Maid
fool, for kissing her Master fool.
Single
For kissing her Masters fool, say you?
Fool
Nay, by’r Lady, if she had done so, she had been wise: for if she
had kiss’d me, she had not been beaten; but she did not
kiss me, Ergo she’s
a fool.
Scene. 11.
Enter the Lady Hypocondria, and Sir William Lovewellher Husband.
Hypocondria
Husband, why seem you so sad?
Lovewel
My love to you makes me sad.
Hypocondria
To me? Heaven bless me, what do you see in me to make
you sad?
Lovewel
Why for these passions and frights that you fall into, like one in
an Epilepsie, and now you look as pale, as if you were ready to fall down
dead.
Hypocon
Alas Husband, consider it is a timorous effect of Love, which
is to be pardon’d, since it proceeds from the kindness I have to my Friends;
it is honourable to the World, and no dishonour to you, but only troublesome
to my self, and to those I naturally love, as Husband, Children, Father,
Mother, Brothers, and Sisters: And though fond Love and vain Fears may
be produced from the melancholy Spleen, yet those fears that proceed from
my firm, true, and honest Affection, are created in the Soul: for noble,
and honourable, and honest Fears, are the natural Issues of pure Love.
Lovewel
But Reason, the chief Magistrate of the Soul, and Governour of
the Passions, should temper the Excess.
Hypocon
O Husband, when Love comes to be temper’d, it loses or quits
the essential part, and the vertical strength: for true Love is pure like gold,
which is debased with an allay.
Lovewel
But as Allay makes gold work better for use, so Temperance
makes Love happy for life.
Hypocon
Well Husband, I will strive to love with Discretion.
Lovewel,
Pray do, and goe abroad, to divert your melancholy, and eat
as others do, that my have good meat and drink, and not live by the Air,
as you do.
Hypocon
I shall obey you.
Scene 12.
Enter the Lady Inconstant alone.Lady Inconstant
O Cupid, thou art a cruel Tyrant, making more wounds
than remedies! And I am wounded so, as I am sick with Love, and
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cannot live unless I am belov’d again.
To make my Passions know, is all my care,
Lest he should love me not, is all my fear.
Scene. 13.
Enter the Lady Procurer, and Sir Thomas Cuckold.Lady Procurer
Sir Thomas Cuckold,
Monsieur Amorous
desires very much
to make friendship with you: for he is so taken with your Civilities, and
your courteous Demeanors when he was to visit you, that he swears you are
one of the finest Gentlemen in the Kingdome: He says you are so gravely
wise, so hospitably kind, and so generously free, as he honours you, and loves
you with his soul.
Cuckold
I am his very humble Servant, and shall be glad, nay proud of
such a worthy Friend as Monsieur Amorous.
Procurer
Have you returned his Visit?
Cuckold
No; but I’ll go wait upon him immediatly.
Scene 14.
Enter Nan the Lady Jealousies Maid, going through the room crying,and the Fool following her singing.
Fool
Childrens eyes are always flowing,
Womens tongues are always going,
And mens brains are always musing,
And mens natures all abusing,
And mans life is always running,
And mans death is always comming.
Single
Whose death is comming?
Fool
Yours for any thing I know: wherefore take heed; for let me tell
you; Death is a rough fellow: for he pulls the soul out of the body, as a
Barber-Chirurgeon doth a tooth, sometimes with less pain, sometimes with
more; but many times Death is forc’d to tear the body, as a Tooth-drawer
tears the jaw-bone, before he can get it out.
Single
What Instruments doth Death draw out the Soul with?
Fool
Sickness, Wounds, Passions, Accidents, and the like.
Single
But how came Death and you so well acquainted?
Fool
We are near a-Kin: for Death and Ignorance are Cousin-Germans.
Single
’Faith thou art rather a Knave than a Fool, and a Knave is nearer
a-kin to Life than Death.
Scene 15.
Enter the Lady Disagree, and her Chaplin Master Perswader.Disagree
Well, I am resolv’d to be Divorced from my Husband, for
I cannot endure his tyranny any longer: for he will let me have my
will in nothing, crosses and contradicts me in every thing.
Perswader
Madam, we are taught to obey and humble our selves to our
Superiours, and the Husband is the Master of his Family, the Governour of
his Estate, and Ruler and Disposer of his Children, the Guide and Protector
of his Wife.
Disagree
Yes, he protects me well indeed, when he breaks my head.
Perswader
May be your Ladyship doth provoke him with some unkind
words.
Disagree
What unkind words were they? I only said that Goos-
quils made the best pens to write with, and he said no, that Crows-quils were
better for that purpose: ’tis true, at last I returned as bad words as he flung
at me.
Perswader
Truly Madam, it is a great grief to your friends and servants,
to see yoo live so disquietous together; besides, you
torment your selves with
your own anger.
Disagree
That’s the reason I would part: for I will never be a slave to his
humour, I will rather chuse to die first.
Scene 16.
Enter Sir Humphrey Disagree, and Master Makepeacehis Friend.
Sir Hum. Disagree.
It were better we were parted, than to live in a perpetual
war together.
Makepeace
But Sir, is it not possible to temper your Passion?
Disagree
No truly: for her words are so sharp, and pierce so deep, that
they make me as furious as a wilde Boar that is hurt with a Javelin: And
since she cannot temper her Tongue, nor I temper my Passion, it will be best
for us to live asunder: for absence is the best and most certain remedy I can
think of.
Scene 17.
Enter two Serving-men of Sir William Lovewels.1 Servant
Have not you heard that my Master hath had a Quarrel, and
is wounded?
2 Servant
Yes; and ’tis said he fought so valiantly, as he beat half a dozen
lusty men, and followed them so close, as they were forc’d to take
shelter; and I have also heard, that one of them he beat, swears to be revenged.
1 Servant
But if my Lady hears of it, she will run mad, or die.
2 Servant
O no, my Lady (Joan says) hath left those follies, and is become
discreet.
1 Servant
Discreet? what is that? to be ill-natur’d, as not to care if her
Husband or Friends be kill’d?
2 Servant
O yes, so much to care, as to pity them, and be sorry, nay sad,
if they should be kill’d; but not passionately to drown themselves in tears,
or to let their grief feed on their life, and die.
Scene 18.
Enter Monsieur Amorous and Sir Thomas Cuckold: They meeteach other, and imbrace as two dear Friends.
Cuckold
O my sweet Amorous!
Amorous
O my dear Cuckold, the delight of my Life!
Cuckold
’Faith Amorous I have been to seek you all the Town over, and
my Lady Procurer met
me, and sent me to the other end of the City,
telling
me you were at the Horn-Tavern.
Amorous
Why do you not know her humour? she will serve you twenty
such tricks: for she is the veriest Wag in all the Town, although she is
in years.
Cuckold
Well, if I be not even with her, as very a Wag as she is, let me
be condemn’d for a fool.
Act III.
Scene 19.
Enter a Maid as to her Lady, the Lady Hypocondria.Maid
O Madam, my Master is comming home, being wounded in a
Duel.
Maid
Help, help, my Lady, my Lady.
Joan
What’s the matter?
Maid
My Lady is kill’d with the report of my Masters being hurt.
Joan
It were fit you should be punish’d for telling her of it.
revives, but with a groan. Lady groans,
Lady Hypocondria[Speaker label not present in original source]
Oh, oh.
Joan
Take life again: for my Master is not so much hurt, as to be in danger
of Death.
Hypocon
Do you speak this as a known truth, or for to recover me?
Joan
As a truth upon my Conscience, Madam.
Hypocon
Then I charge you do not discover my Passion.
Joan
We shall not.
Scene 20.
Enter Sir William Lovewell, and two of his men, and hisMan Roger Trusty.
Lovewell
Go, and give charge to my Footmen, that none of them run
home to tell my Wife of my hurt, for fear of frighting her: for if she
hears I am hurt before she sees me, she will apprehend me worse than I am,
and that may kill her.
Servant
Sir, she hath heard of it already.
Lovewel
Rogue that he was that told her: who was it?
Roger Trusty
It was I Sir, when I want to fetch your Leaguer-cloak to
keep you warm.
Lovewel
Villain, I’ll run you through.
Trusty
What you please Sir; but my Lady takes it very patiently: for
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when she heard of it, she was playing on the Lute, and did not leave playing
at the report.
Lovewel
I am glad she is so discreet.
Trusty
Truly Sir I think my Lady is now one of the wisest and discreetest
Ladies in the Town.
Lovewel
What, for playing the Lute?
Trusty
No Sir; but for being so patient and temperate, as all wise persons
are, who bear afflictions with that Moral Philosophical Carelesness, and
(as they call it) passive Courage, composing their Faces into a Grave, surly
Countenance, fashioning their Behaviour with Formality, walking with a
slow and stately Pace, speaking nothing but Wise Sentences, and Learned
Morals.
Lovewel
You are a moral Ass; and although my wounds are but small,
yet I grow faint with standing to hear a fool talk.
Scene 21.
Enter the Lady Inconstant, and Monsieur Disguise.Lady Inconst
Sir, I believe you may wonder, and think it strange, that a
woman can love a stranger so soon and so much.
Disguise
I doe not think it strange in Nature, but I think it strange you
should affect me, a person which is no way worthy of your Favour and your
Love, unless you (like a Deity) humbly descend to mortals, accepting of
their Adorations and Offerings: And, as a mortal to a Deity, I offer up my
Heart on the Altar of your Obligations.
Inconstant
Here I do vow to Venus, not only to offer you my person, and
all delights that it can yield, but I offer you my Honour, my Fathers Honour,
my Husbands Honour, nay their lives, if you require it.
Disguise
I must confess your Husbands life is dangerous, for we cannot
well enjoy our loves with safety, if that your Husband lives.
Inconstant
Name but the way unto his Death, and I will execute it.
Disguise
I cannot; for you must do it as you find Fortune gives you opportunity.
Inconstant
Farewel and believe, I shall let no opportunity slip, that might
bring my designs to pass.
Disguise
My revenge is too big for words, all actions to little for his punishment:
wherefore you furies, I invoke you to assist me, and if Hell gives
me not help, Heaven or Death give me ease.
Scene 22.
Enter the Lady Procurer, and Monsieur Amorous.Lady Procurer
Now Monsieur Amorous,
you and the Lady Wanton
shall
not need to make so many excuses to meet, for your going into the
Country, with Sir Thomas
Cuckold, you will be always in the
House with his
Lady.
Amorous
Faith, I have a great deal of business in the City, which may
suffer, if I should go out of the Town.
Procurer
Out upon you, make excuses already.
Amorous
I do not make excuses, I only tell you the truth of my affairs.
Procurer
Can you have any affairs greater, or of more concernment, than
waiting on a Mistriss, and such a Mistriss as you were a dying for to enjoy, but
a little time since? well go thy ways
Monsieur Amorous, for
thou art like a
woman that hath fits of the Mother, often swouning and sick, but never dyes
in any of them.
Amourous
The Lady Chastity
would be like a draught of cold water, to
bring me to life again.
Procurer
Let me tell thee, as those fits will never kill thee, so all the Chastity
in the Town can never cure thee.
Scene 23.
Enter the Lady Hypocondria, and Joan her Maid.Lady Hypocondria
Pray Juno, my Husband doth not perceive I have
cry’d.
Joan
You need not fear it, for the hot Cloath you laid to your eyes hath
sok’d out the redness, and abated the swelling thereof; but I doubt you will
cry when you see him.
Hypocondria
I hope I shall be wiser, than to cry; for I would not have
my Husband think me a Fool, or troublesome, for the world.
Joan
But surely Madam, you must needs torment your Soul, to strive so
much against nature.
Hypocondria
Love had rather torment it self, then torment what it
loves.
Joan
Your Ladyship will make the old Proverb good, which sayes, “love
overcomes all things, and surely it overcomes all when it overcomes nature
it self.”
Scene 24.
Enter the Lady Jealousy, and the Fool.Lady Jealousy
Prethy Fool watch thy Master, and my Maid Nan, and
when they are together give notice, and I will give thee a new Coat.
Fool
I shall stand Sentinel, and give the watch-word.
Fool
Most Creatures their tails lyes in their heads, or their heads lyes in
their Neighbours tayles, nose to breech; for they are always thinking therof,
which makes their thoughts as sluts and slovens, their brains like to a heapt-
up Dunghil; but I must watch, my Master and his Maid to catch.
Scene 25.
Enter Master Makepeace, and Master Perswader, friend andChaplain to Sir Humphrey Disagree.
Master Makepeace
’Tis strange, that Sir Humphrey Disagree, and his
Lady, cannot agree, yet they are both of good natures, and generous
Souls; keep a noble House, and are bountifull to their Servants, kind and
courteous to their Friends, and he a very understanding Gentleman, and a
learned Scholar, and an honest Man.
Perswader
And she is a very Chast Lady, a good Huswife, and very orderly
in her House, as concerning what she is to take care of, or to direct,
and is very pious and devout, and yet both to be so indiscreet as to fall out
about light toys, and frivolous matters.
Makepeace
’Tis strange, and truly great pitty; wherefore, we ought to
do our indeavour, to try if we can make them friends.
Perswader
Surely that might be easily done; for they are as apt, and
as soon friends when their anger’s over, as they are apt to fall out when they
are friends, and I make no doubt to make them friends; but the business is
to keep them friends, and the question is, whether it were not better they
should be parted friends, than present enemies.
Makepeace
Yet we have discharged our parts, if we make or do
our indeavour
to make them friends.
Perswader
Well Sir, perswade the Husband, and I will try to perswade
the Wife.
Scene 26.
Enter Monsieur Disguise, and Sir Francis Inconstant.Sir Francis Inconstant
Sir, you do amaze me; for I have not been so long
married as to give her time for Incontinency, nor have I been so ill a Husband
as yet, as to create, or beget her hate towards me.
Disguise
Sir, if I do not prove it, I shall be content to suffer the heaviest
punishment you can inflict upon me; and because your belief is wavering,
I will place you, where you shall hear her declare her intentions, as towards
your Death.
Inconstant
I long to prove the Truth.
Scene. 27.
Enter the Lady Wanton, and the Lady Procurer.Lady Wanton
Prethy my Lady Procurer, go into the Country with us,
since we shall have such good Company this Summer, as Monsieur
Amorous, we will be so merry, and have such sports and pastimes, as you
shall not repent your journey.
Procurer
Faith Madam I cannot; besides, you have no use of me
now.
Wanton
I am not as many others are, that when they can make no more
use of a friend, they strive to shun their Company.
Procurer
Well, if I can go with you I will; but I doubt I cannot, at lest
I cannot stay above a week, or such a time with you.
Wanton
Nay, if I once get you there, I will make you stay.
Scene 28.
Enter Mistriss Single alone.Mistriss Single
What a troublesome life is a Married life, bless me
Heaven, who would Marry?
Fool
That would you if you could get a Huusband; for Maids long to
be Wives, and Wives longs to be Widows, that they might Marry
again.
Single
That is, because Maids do not know the vexations of Marriage,
which Wives do.
Fool
Faith Women take a pleasure in being vext, crost, and injured;
for then they have a ground for their anger, and revenge is the sweetest, and
dearest imployment they have, or would wish to have; otherwise, they
would be dull, and idle without it; and to prove it, Widows are as earnest,
and industrious to Marry as Maids, and all is, because they would be vext
and crost
Single
And are not men as desirous, and hasty to Marry as Women?
Fool
Yes, those that are Fools.
Single
Why then you should marry, if any Woman would have you.
Fool
Such Fools as I, never, or very seldom Marry, for though we are
Christened Fools, we were Born Wise (where other men were Born Fools,
but Christened Wise) as bearing the name
of Wise and understanding
Men, so as they have only the name, but not the wisdome; the Truth is, we
Fool, and other men are fool’d.
Single
Then Women are Born Wise, for they Fool Men.
Fool
Nay faith, poor Souls, they are for the most part double fool’d;
first, thinking they fool, and then in being fooled.
Maid
Mistriss, my Lady is very angry, that you let your Lute-Master stay,
whilst you talk to the fool; she says you will be as much a fool as he, with
talking so often with him.
Single
Tell my Sister, I shall learn more good from the fool, than the
fidler.
Fool
Mark you that Maid.
Maid
I mark that Children and Fools keep company together.
Fools
And the Maids and the Master.
Act IV.
Scene 29.
Enter two Maids of the Lady Hypocondria.1 Maid
Alas my poor Lady looks as if she would drop to the earth,
so pale and ill.
2 Maid
How should she be otherwise, for she smothers in her grief, and
dares not discover it, and then she seldom sleeps, or eats, or drinks: and
is so restless, as she cannot sit still, but walks about her Chamber.
Scene 30.
Enter the Lady Hypocondria, and a Doctor.Lady Hypocondria
O Master Doctor, what do you think of my Husband,
I hope he is in no danger, is he?
Doctor
I dare assure you Madam, he will be very well again; for he is
only weak and faint with loss of blood: for he taking the wound to be slight,
did not take care to stop it soon enough, whereupon his Spirits with his
blood issued out so much, as makes him so weak, as you see he is forc’d to
keep his Bed.
Hypocondria
But Doctor, Spirits is life, and if he wants the one, he must
soon lose the other.
Doctor
’Tis true, if there were no Spirits left: but let me tell you Madam,
there is more danger when the Body hath too many Spirits, that when there
is but a few; for many Spirits make the Body too hot, by giving the Pulse
too quick a motion; which quick motion, fires the heart so much, as the
blood becomes boyling hot; which Perboyls the Liver, and the rest of the
vital parts, and melts the fat, wastes the flesh, and weakens the Sinnews, or
Nerves, as being boyled as to a soft, tender, quaking Jelly: that is the cause
that the Sick is so weak they cannot stand, having not that tough strength in
their Sickness, and some after their sickness; and shall continue weak, untill
such time as the Sinnews, and Nerves grow harder, and tough again; and
many times from the boyling blood there arises such gross, and so many
Vapours, which Vapours is Smoak, as they
stiflle the life, or at least disquiet
the Brain.
Hypocondria
But will you assure me Doctor?
Doctor
As far as Human skill can assure you I will.
Hypocondria
Fair Juno hear me, send to thy
Brother Pluto, to imprison
Death in his dark Vault, or at least for to forbid him to touch my Husband;
and fair Goddess, send health to raise his weary limbs from off his hated
Couch, if not, give order to grim Death to strike me too; for thou hast
power on all, as being chief in power.
Maid
Madam, my Master desires you would be pleased to come
to him.
Scene 31.
Enter Monsieur Disguise alone.Monsieur Disguise
I will not only make me a Garland, but a Bower of
Willow, where I will sit and lament all forsaken Lovers; nay, I will
sit and Curse so long, till I have laid those Curses so thick together, as neither
sighs, nor tears, nor prayers, shall dissolve them.
Scene 32.
Enter the Lady Procurer, and Monsieur Amorous.Lady Procurer
I am come to bring you good news, Monsieur Amorous.
Amorous
What is that my comfortable Lady?
Procurer
The Lady Wanton is come to Town.
Amorous
Pluto.
Procurer
What do you swear, because she is come to Town?
Amorous
No I swear, because I must go out of Town.
Procurer
I hope you will not go out of the Town, now that she is come
to town.
Amorous
Alas my occasions are such, as I shall be utterly ruined if
I stay.
Procurer
Then let me tell you, the Lady Chastity begins to listen to
your Sute.
Amorous
And is there hopes I shall enjoy her?
Procurer
I cannot tell.
Amorous
Nay Dear Lady, speak some comfort?
Procurer
It is a folly, if you must go into the Country.
Amorous
Neptune shall swallow the Country, rather than I will endanger
to lose a Paradise.
Procurer
But if you stay, you will be ruined.
Amorous
I rather shall be ruined if I go, for now I have consdered it; I
find, I have such potent affairs here in the City, as they will force
me to stay.
Procurer
O Jupiter! how Inconstant is Mankind; for what they have
enjoyed they despise, and what they cannot get, they earnestly desire, and are
restless in their pursute.
Amorous
What say you?
Procurer
I say you are an unthankfull Man, and not worthy of a Ladyes
favour, as to forsake her that loves you, and seek her that hates you; for
know, the Lady
Chastity scorns your Sute,
despises your Person, and hates
your Humour.
Amorous
Pluto take all your sex.
Procurer
If he should, you would whiningly follow them to Hell, rather
than
Eeeeee1r
477
than miss their Company, refusing Heaven, for effeminate Society.
Amorous
They torment men more than Devils do.
Scene 33.
Enter Master Makepeace, and Master Perswader.Master Makepeace
Now Sir Humphrey Disagree and his Lady are made
good friends, they are become a loving Couple.
Perswader
Heaven keep them so.
Makepeace
Truly I begin to believe they will; for they seem very sensible
of their errors, and they laugh at their one follies, to see, what ridiculous,
frivolous, and small matters, their quarels are built with, and upon.
Sir Humphrey Disagree
Look you Wife, here is the Priest that hath new
married us, and our friend that hath joyned us in a loving friendship
again.
Lady Disagree
And I will celebrate this Union with a Feast, to which, I
will invite my good friends as to my wedding day.
Humphrey Disagree
I perceive we shall be merry, pray let us have Fidlers,
and Dance.
Lady Disagree
That we will.
Scene 34.
Enter Sir William Lovewell upon a Couch, as beingweak, and his Lady following him.
Sir William Lovewell
Come, come Wife, you are not so kind as you
were wont to be; for you did use to watch my looks, my sleep, and
how I fetcht my breath in my sleep, and what I did eat, and how much I did
eat, for fear I should be sick, and no help unsought to cure me: But I perceive
you are as all other women are, inconstant; for now you do neglect me, and
seldom come near me but when I send for you.
Hypocondria
I dare not, for fear my diligence may prove loves indiscretion,
and so my service become a burthensome trouble.
the Lady Hypocondria sees him, and on the sudden runs to the Man, and snatches
the Pistol out of his hand, the whilst the Man was in amaze at it, She Shoots
him with his own Pistol, the noise of the Pistol brings in the Servants.
Hypocondria
You Cowardly Rogue, do you take the advantage of sickness
to work your revenge, do you come when my Husband is not able to
defend himself?
Hypocondria
Kill’d? if you had a thousand lives, my single life would kill
them all, rather than suffer my Husband to be murdered.
as being all afrighted.
Hypocondria
You Company of dull dead statues, move for shame, and
bear away this Villain, this murderous Villain.
Servants
Where should we carry him Madam?
Hypocondria
Why any where, cast him into a Ditch, there let him ly
and rot, like Beasts without Burial.
having recovered his breath, which was
spent in striving to get up from his
Couch, but being very weak he could not.
Lovewell
Carry him to a Justcice, and bid the Justice dispose of him as he
thinks fit, telling him of his crime.
Servants
Let us search him, to see if he hath never another Pistol.
Lovewell
Go you Cowards, and carry him away.
The Servants and Man goes out.
O this effeminate sickness hath disgraced me; O how like a worm a sick
man is, which lyes so low, and is so shiftless, that any beast treads out
his life?
Hypocondria
Why, had you been in health and strength, it would have
been no Honour to beat a Coward.
Lovewell
He seem’d not such a Coward, but that he had some courage, or
otherwise he would not have adventur’d himself alone into a House, wherein
were many persons, which would have been his Enemies; but I am glad that
you have the honour of his wounds, but is is a miracle to me, to see how
valiantly you did behave your self, and yet by nature is so fearfull.
Hypocondria
Mistake not Love; for true Love is only a fraid when it
cannot help, but when it hath hopes to rescue
what it loves, Mars is not
Valianter.
Lovewell
Well Wife, I owe my life to your love, and I shall account you
as Pallas, that hath defended me with a prudent courage.
Hypocondria
If you think I have done you service worthy a reward,
pray give me a request.
Lovewell
That I shall, if it be that life you have defended, what is it?
Hypocondria
It is to set love free from the Chains of discretion, and Jailer
of temperance; for it is impossible to confine love, but either it will dy,
or break out in revenge.
Lovewell
Well Wife, hereafter I will never oppose loves wayes.
Scene 35.
Enter Sir Francis Inconstant, and Monsieur Disguise.Monsieur Disguise
Sir, did you hear what your Lady said?
Francis Inconstant
Yes, I heard her say, she would poyson me in a
mess of broath.
Disguise
What will you do to prevent it?
Inconstant
Leave that care to me, I shall be my own Sentinel, to discern
the aproaching Poyson.
Disguise
Their Deaths will be my triumph, and my Death a reprieve.
Scene 36.
Enter Monsieur Amorous, and the Lady Procurer.Lady Procurer
I am come to invite you to a Collation, for the Lady Wanton,
for whom you at first made costly Collations, is forced to invite
you now to the like.
Amorous
Faith Madam, I am so squezy stomacked, that the very sight of
a Banquet will put me into an Apoplexy, as with an obstructed Surfit.
Procurer
If you should deny her, you would lose your reputation
amongst our Sex for ever.
Amorous
Well I will go, upon condition that you carry a message from
me to another Lady.
Procurer
Most willingly, so it be not to the Lady Chastity.
Scene 37.
Enter Mistriss Single, and Raillery Jester the Fool.Mistriss Single
Prethy Fool give me advice, as how to choose a
Husband.
Fool
Faith you are wise to take a Fools Counsel; for Fools have for the
most part, best Fortune, either in their Counsel or Choice.
Single
Why, are Fools Fortunes favourites?
Fool
Yes, for by Fools Fortune plainly shews her power, when wise
men usurp it, striving to take her power from her.
Single
Then Fortune direct thee, to direct me.
Fool
Fortune is giddy, and directs by chance, which causes so many
misfortunes.
Single
Then by your direction, I may be unfortunate; but I will venture,
wherefore tell me how to chose.
Fool
Why then, you must choose a Husband by the Ear.
Single
By the Eye you mean.
Fool
No faith, those that would be happily match’d, must choose a Husband,
or Wife by the Ear,
and not by the Eye: for though report is ofttimes
false, yet it seldom flatters; nay for the most part, it is so far from giving
merit its due Praises, as it detracts therefrom.
Single
But Fortune carries worthless men upon the tongue of fame.
Fool
’Tis true, but Fortune being giddy, is apt to stagger, and so to stumble,
and oft-times slings those worthless men in foul disgrace.
Single
But hopes and fears, bribe or force the World to praise a
worthless He, or Shee.
Fool
’Tis true, hopes of gain are bribes, and fear of punishments are
threats, for to perswade, or force the tongue to flatter; yet none but Gods
and Kings, are subject to this flattery, and you are not to marry, either the
one, nor yet the other; for Gods joyn not to Mortals, and Kings are far too
proud to marry Subjects; nor were it good for you, if that they would, as
that you were matcht to a King: for happiness lives in equallity.
Single
Faith thou are too wise to wear a Fools-Coat; wherefore
cast it off.
Fool
And faith I should be more Fool than my profession makes me, if I
should cast it off; therefore I will keep it on.
Act V.
Scene 3938.
Enter the Lady Inconstant, and Monsieur Disguise.Lady Inconstant
O my Dear love, I have such an opportunity, that Fortune
could never have given me a better; for my Husband is fallen Sick,
and if I Poyson him now, the World will say, and think it was
his Sickness
that kill’d him, and that will secure me.
Disguise
If he be Sick, perchance he may dye, and that will save you the
labour, and hazard of poysoning.
Inconstant
O But if he should recover again, then I were undone; wherefore
I will not venture to rely upon his Sickness.
Disguise
Use your discretion, but tis not fit we should be seen together;
wherefore, I will kiss your hands, and leave you for a time.
Inconstant
And I hope the next time we meet, we shall be rid of the obstructor
of our loves.
Scene. 39.
Enter the Lady Wanton, and the Lady Procurer.Lady Wanton
Madam, did you give Monsieur Amorous the present I sent
you to give him?
Procurer
Yes, there was Shirts, Caps, and Handkerchiefs, of each
two dozen.
Wanton
There were so.
Procurer
They were of the finest Holland, and Flanders Lace, that ever I
saw, what might the present cost you?
Wanton
Not much above five hundred pounds.
Procurer
You speak as if it were but a slight present, but if your Husband
knew of it, he would think it were too much by four hundred ninety and
nine pound nineteen shillings eleven pence halfpeny farthing.
Wanton
But what said Monsieur
Amorous, when you presented that
present
as from me?
Procurer
At the first he would not receive the present, saying it was too
costly, and that he could not return enough thanks for it, and so should seem
as ungratefull against his will; but at last upon my perswasion, he took your
present, and to Morrow he will come and give you thanks.
Wanton
I had rather meet him in some other place, than receive his visit
at home, where my Husband is.
Scene 40.
Enter the Lady Poverty weeping, and two or three Childrenfollowing her: Then Enters her Husband.
Lady Poverty
Husband, how shall these Children live?
Spendall
By Heavens Providence Wife.
Poverty
I fear they will starve unless your providence feeds them.
Spendall
It was imprudently done to get them.
Poverty
But now they are got, they must be provided for.
Spendall
Yes, as Beggers provide for their Children, put them to the
Parish.
Poverty
The Parish will not keep them.
Spendall
Then sell them to Animal Merchants, they will Traffick with
them into the Barbadoes, or
Barmudes, or
Virginy, or the like places.
Poverty
And how shall I live?
Spendall
Why you may go along, and be their Nurse.
Poverty
And the Merchants Whore.
Spendall
As you can agree; for he may sell you at as great a prize after,
as if you were honest; besides, your Children will prove you to be fruitfull,
for which, they will give a double, or trebble price for you; and if you
thrive send me word, and I will come to you, if I cannot live here.
Poverty
I thank you Husband, for you have made me miserably unhappy,
by your mispendings, yet you would feed upon my good fortune, if it can
be call’d good fortune, to thrive with dishonesty.
Spendall
Faith Fortune hath undone me; but may be she will be charitable
to you.
Poverty
I hope so, for Fortune never befriends those whom Vices besots,
and though your deboysteries have undone you, I hope my Virtues will
help to save me.
Spendall
But I never perceived your virtue to do you any good, but for
any thing I perceive to the contrary, you are like to starve, for all your
virtues.
Poverty
I hope when I am parted from you and your wickedness, Heaven
will powre down some mercy on me.
Scene 41.
Enter the Lady Wanton, and the Lady Procurer.Lady Wanton
Pray Madam inform me where Monsieur Amorous is, for I
have sent two or three times to his Lodging, and my Messenger is answered
still he is from home.
Procurer
He is a wanderer.
Wanton
I think he is wandred into some other parts of the World, for
after he went from us, I sent a dozen Letters, whilst I staid in the Country,
and received not one answer.
Procurer
Faith Madam Monsieur Amorous is one of the lasiest of
Mankind.
Wanton
I am resolv’d when I see him to chide him, for I could not conveniently
do it when he came to give me thanks for my present.
Procurer
Sir Thomas Cuckold, you are welcome to the Town, for though I
have had the Honour to see your Lady two or three times, yet I could not
get a sight of you never since you came out of the Country.
Cuckold
My Wife did wish for your Company whilst we were in the
Country, a hundred times.
Procurer
I should be glad to be in any place, to do my Lady Service.
Cuckold
I was abroad even now, where I met Monsieur Amorous, who
lookt upon me as if he knew me not, or rather as if he did despise me.
Procurer
Perchance he did not know you.
Cuckold
His memory must be very short, if he could forget me so soon.
Wanton
Perchance Husband you lookt strangely upon him.
Cuckold
Truly Wife I went to imbrace him, as I was used to do, with
kind love, and he crost the street to shun me.
Wanton
I dare lay my life it is some mistake Husband.
Procurer
Friends (Sir Thomas) must never be exceptious.
Cuckold
I am not apt to be exceptious, I will assure you Madam no Man
is freer from that humour than I am.
Scene 42.
Enter Sir Francis Inconstant as sick upon a Couch, he being alone.Sir Francis Inconstant
This feigned Sickness shall serve as a snare, to catch
my Wives design.
Lady Inconstant
My dear heart how are you?
Francis Inconstant
Very Sick, so Sick as I fear Heaven doth envy my happiness,
and will part us by Death.
Lady Inconstant
The Gods forbid! I hope you will live so long, as to
Crown your Virtuous life with aged years.
Francis Inconstant
O no, I find my life draws towards an end, and Death
will separate us from each other; but you being young Wife, will soon forget
me, placing your love upon some other Man, in whom, all the remembrance
of me will be buried.
Lady Inconstant
Dear Husband speak not so Melancholy; your words
strike such terrour into my heart, as I cannot indure to hear them, I had rather
Death should strike me, than you; Dear Husband, cheer up your self,
your Disease is only Melancholly; wherefore take such nurishing things, as
may give your Spirits strength and life; shall I bring you a little Burnt
Wine, to comfort your Spirits, or some Jelly broath to strengthen
your Stomack?
Francis Inconstant
If you please Wife.
Francis Inconstant
Now for the poysoned Draught.
Lady Inconstant
Here my dear heart, drink this.
his hand, he rises and goeth to the Chamber
Door, and locks it. Ffffff2 Lady Ffffff2v 484
Lady Inconstant
What mean you Husband to lock the Door?
Francis Inconstant
Because none shall enter, untill the Broath be drunk
Wife.
of the Chamber. He stays her.
Francis Inconstant
No Wife, you must not go out, for I mean to nourish
you with that Broath that you would have nourished me with.
Lady Inconstant
Why Husband I am not Sick, I do not require Broath.
Francis Inconstant
O yes Wife, your Soul is Sick, although your Body is
well, and this Broath may perchance cure the one, although it kills the
other; wherefore drink it.
Lady Inconstant
I will not.
Francis Inconstant
You shall, and if you drink it not willingly, I will force
it down you throat.
Lady Inconstant
Dear Husband spare me.
Francis Inconstant
Why, I give you nothing but that which you prepared
for me, and if it were good for me, it is good for you.
Lady Inconstant
Dear Husband have mercy on me, and I will confess
my crimes.
Francis Inconstant
No Wife, no more mercy than you would have had
one me, and therefore drink it.
Lady Inconstant
’Tis Poyson Husband.
Francis Inconstant
That is the reason you shall drink it Wife.
Lady Inconstant
Dear Husband, let me live but to repent my sinns, which
like a black thick cloud do cover all my Soul.
Francis Inconstant
This will be a sufficient punishment, for if you be punished
in this World, you may escape the punishment of the next.
Lady Inconstant
Good Husband consider youth, that is apt to run into errors,
not being guided with good Counsel, as it ought.
Francis Inconstant
I will consider nothing, and therefore drink it, or by
Heaven I will force you to it, and therefore linger not.
then kneels and lifts up her eyes towards
Heaven, and then prayes.
Lady Inconstant
You Gods forgive me my crimes, and let this deadly
draught purge clean my Soul from sin.
Francis Inconstant
Now Wife have you any Amorous desires to Monsieur
Disguise.
Lady Inconstant
No, the fire of my unlawfull love is quencht.
O,O, Husband forgive me. Dies.
Francis Inconstant
Ha she is dead, what hath my furious passion done,
I was too sudden to crop her tender life so hastily, without more strickt examination;
for it was likely this spruse Gallant corrupted her with his alluringluring
Gggggg1r
485
looks, and smooth inticing words, which he knew well how to apply;
and youth is credulous, and women soon perswaded, and being joyned in
one they easily are overcome. I do repent.
He walks a turn or two in a Melancholy
muse.
I will revenge my self of those that were the cause.
Scene 43.
Enter the Lady Procurer, and the Lady Wanton.Lady Wanton
Where is Monsieur Amorous that he comes not with you?
you said you would bring him with you.
Procurer
Faith he desires to be excused, for he saith he is not well.
Wanton
This is but an excuse, for he hath made an hundred within this
week; but since he doth neglect me, I will have another that shall be
more constant.
Procurer
You are wise Madam: for since men are so various as they are,
women would seem but fools, should they be constant.
Wanton
Well then Madam, you must do me a favour, for since I became
acquainted with Monsieur
Amorous, upon your perswasion, you
must contrive
a private meeting for me and another Gentleman, upon my perswasion.
Procurer
Sweet Lady, you do oblige me to imploy me in your Service.
Scene 44.
Enter two Maid Servants, that were the Lady Poverties.1 Maid
O Ursely, I am glad to see thee with all my heart.
2 Maid
Truly Jane, so am I to see you.
1 Maid
When did you hear of our good Lady, the Lady Poverty?
2 Maid
It was not long since I saw her.
1 Maid
And how doth she live poor Lady?
2 Maid
Why she lives privately, but is likely to live happy enough; for
her friends have now taken care of her and her Children, upon the condition
that she will receive no visits from her Husband, but banish his Company,
lest he should encrease their charge with more Children; neither will they
allow him any thing.
1 Maid
By my troth he doth not deserve any maintenance; but I am
glad she is provided for, being a shiftless creature for her self and Children;
but where do you live Ursely?
2 Maid
Why I live with an old Widower.
1 Maid
And I with a grave Matronly Widow, wherefore let us endeavourGggggg
vour
Gggggg1v
486
to make a match betwixt them, that so we may live once again in a
House together; for you and I were always dear friends you know.
2 Maid
’Tis true Jane, but as you are my friend I must tell you, I should
be an ill friend to my self, if I should perswade my Master to marry.
1 Maid
Nay if it be so Ursely, make the best of him; and if thou wilt
shew me where thou dwellest, I will come and visit thee when I have
leisure.
2 Maid
Come with me, and I will shew you where I live.
Scene 45.
A Table set out cover’d, and furnish’d with meat. Enter Sir HumphreyDisagree, and the Lady Disagree, and their Friends; every
one takes their place, and sits as to eat.
Sir Humphrey Disagree
Wife, where are the Fidlers that you promist we
should have.
Lady Disagree
I did forbid them to play, untill such time as we had half
din’d, for their scraping would hinder our eating.
Humphrey Disagree
Pray wife let them come in, for I love my meat
should dance in my mouth, my teeth keeping just time to the tune; and the
Musick will make my meat turn nimbly in my mouth, and will heat my tast
to a high gusto.
Lady Disagree
The noise that they will make, will take away my Stomack,
and will make my head ake; besides, no body will hear one another speak,
neither will our Servants hear what we call for.
Humphrey Disagree
It will make our Servants the more diligent, for Musick
will revive their Spirits, and will make them agil; wherefore pray
Wife let them come in and play.
Lady Disagree
No pray Husband let them alone a little while longer.
Humphrey Disagree
If you keep them out untill our Stomacks be full, we
shall be so dull and heavy with the vapour of the meat, as it will not be in
the power of Musick to move our minds to mirth,
or so drunk with Wine,
as the Musick will make us mad.
Lady Disagree
I hope you will not be mad before you are drunk.
Humphrey Disagree
No Wife, I will be merry before I am drunk, wherefore
Servants call them in.
Lady Disagree
Let them alone.
Humphrey Disagree
I say they shall come and play, and therefore call
them in.
Lady Disagree
I say they shall not come in, nor play, therefore forbid them.
Humphrey Disagree
Surely I will be Master, and therefore they shall
play.
Lady Disagree
Surely I will be Mistriss of this Feast, and therefore they
shall not play.
Humphrey Disagree
Call them.
Lady Disagree
Let them alone.
the door, and then as from it, not knowing
whether they should obey. Sir Humphrey rises as to call them himself, She rises also.
Humphrey Disagree
They shall come and play.
Lady Disagree
They shall not play.
rouls it, flings it at him, he flings another at her;
she takes a Plate, and throws at him, he Curses,
and she Scolds, their Friends strive to part
them, and in the strife and bussle, down goeth all
the Pots and Dishes, and so they go fighting, and
striving off the Stage. The Servants take away all the meat and
things, and after all was gone, Enter
two Maid-Servants.
1 Maid
Lord there is such doings within, as it is wonderfull, my Master
swears, my Lady cries, and rails, and rails and cries.
2 Maid
Intruth it is a sad Feast, and I was joyed to think how merry we
should all be.
1 Maid
And I pleased my self to think, what good cheer we should have,
and what dainties we should eat.
2 Maid
Why, so may you still.
1 Maid
No Faith in this Hurlyburby every one catcht who catch could,
that all is vanish’d, and purloyn’d away in this disorder.
2 Maid
Come let us go, and see whether they can agree or not.
1 Maid
That they can never do, so long as the sound of their tongues is
within the distance of their Ears; besides nature hath not matcht their dispositions,
or humours.
2 Maid
You say right, intruth their Souls are mismatcht, and therefore
it is impossible they should ever agree.
Scene 46.
Enter Sir Francis Inconstant, and Monsieur Disguise.Sir Francis Inconstant
Sir my Wife your Mistriss is Dead.
Monsieur Disguise
No Sir, my Mistriss and your Whore is Dead.
Inconstant
You are a Villain to corrupt her.
Disguise
You are a Villain to marry her.
Inconstant
Draw, for either or both of us Villains shall dy.
Disguise
I fear not Death nor you.
Disguise
Justice defend the wrong’d, and take my part.
Sir Francis Inconstant falls, and as he lay
on the ground speaks.
Inconstant
Heaven is just, to punish perjury with violent Death; O my
Conscience, how it stings me at my Death, with the remembrance of the
wrongs I did my first love.
and then discovers her self.
Mistriss Forsaken
Do you know this Face, or have my sorrows disfigur’d
it so much, as you cannot call it to remembrance?
Inconstant
You powers above, affright not my fleeting Soul with
visions,
but let it gently pass, and leave my body to the
silent grave.
Inconstant
You Spirit divine, take not revenge; for I am truly sorry for
the wrongs I did thee in thy life.
Mistriss Forsaken
I forgive you, and know I am no Spirit, and though I
cannot say I live, because I am dying, yet I am not dead, and
that Letter I
brought you, was to disguise me the more by a false report; but I have
acted the design of my Travel, which was to end my life with yours, for
since I could not enjoy you in life, I desir’d to imbrace you by Death, and
so I shall.
Inconstant
O my Soul make haste and follow hers.
Finis.